pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"

[Jackstar]

There is no nanotech that can fix these problems. And I can't hotfix pate: he's Union, I won't touch him.

I can make any boobs he touches explode after a set time, but I can't specify a gender on that. I could if we were launching in Poland, Iceland, or Romania, but anywhere else, it gets dicey. Also I like the pate we have, not the pate we need, so I'm unwilling to make those kinds of changes without some serious cause. A lot can change at this level of reality without much warning, and you Punylings are already several thousand iterations behind the solar curve.

There's no limit to the fun We can have with this, but there is a practical limit on how many explosions that pate can cause in a single reset cycle. A pate with x-ray vision that can make tits explode on eye contact, however--that sounds promising. I'll get the Oompa Loompas get to work on building the workshop for this upgrade immediately.

There's some strange wishes floating around, I'm not gonna lie. Some BellGabbers are total freaks.

Welcome. Post often.

[Jackstar]

Steven Tyler looks like Janet Reno. Have they ever been seen in the same place at the same time? Asking for a friend with Autocannons to spare.

Just to be sure.

[Jackstar]

I figured I might as well make it official.

[...]

Loyalty will be strictly enforced, it is my sincere belief that Jackstar will do a fine job seeing to that.

I want the Attorney General position that has actual power.  An an exclusive contract for supplying orange jump suits.

"Forget The D, Forget Your Life" is a harsh policy, but--it's a harsh company, right? I'll say. On the bright side, we're going to save the economy a bundle on laundry service by hardly ever needing to wash any jump suit even once.

[Juan]

You had me at "ban most modern tv shows."  In particular, the damn awful, low IQ, leftist propganda, bitch populated daytime shows should be outlawed and their whiny so-called hosts should be placed in chains and forced to watch non-stop episodes of "Black Sheep Squadron."

Those people are already on my list of “suspects.”

Mr. Pate, would you please be sure Bill and Hillary are invited to the inauguration.  I have some special people who would like to greet them upon arrival.

[pate]

Those people are already on my list of “suspects.”

Mr. Pate, would you please be sure Bill and Hillary are invited to the inauguration.  I have some special people who would like to greet them upon arrival.

Oh, the inaugural ceremony will be a lot of fun.  Pigtails will be dipped in ink wells, notes will passed around, documents will be served (with appetazers where appropriated), maybe a few childhood crushes will be spoken of.

I do hope Mr. Trump will work with me during the transition to make sure no one is left off "the invitation List."  The after party & square dance is going to be fun!

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

[Big Chicken]

It would truly be mirable dieu to have the Big Chicken as director of the Office of Moral Panic and Remediation of Indecency.  I have had the twin villainies of Sloth and Gluttony on my mind as the first of the maleficent seven to eradicate, I had hoped that they could be dealt with in the first 100 days initiative.  It would be a divine answer to fervent prayers were the Big Chicken come aboard to help us fix this shit.  This will dovetail nicely with Vice-President K_Dubb's personal "No Fatties Allowed" program;  again the Make America Pate Again movement will make these tremendous strides, heavy lifting of weights and heart-rate increasing efforts to thin the ranks!  I am proud of the team we have put together so far, and it would be divinely rapturous if the Big Chicken would choose to do God's work for America.  There is even this issue of unconstitutional taxation on nudity to address.  Will you put on the armor and gird your loins to help us overcome evil in our time?

What do you say, Big Chicken?  Director,  Office of Moral Panic and Remediation of Indecency?  Yours if you want it!

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

The Big Chicken most humbly accepts this gracious offer.  Down at Moral Panic and Remediation of Indecency many wrongs will be righted and many sins atoned for.   We must set the table for the rise of Nehemiah Scudder and the founding of New Jerusalem.  Hark!  The Prophet Incarnate cometh.


https://thumbs.gfycat.com/ShorttermColorfulCoelacanth-mobile.mp4

[Big Chicken]

Campaign Rally song?



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDaW9nEmKLY

[Big Chicken]

What are the odds?  100%! Easter 2021!  Moral Panic and Remediation of Indecency shall see to that sinner.  Count on it.

[pate]

Campaign Rally song?



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDaW9nEmKLY

Hallahjulia! It is as if a tremendous burden has been lifted from my shoulders, thank you:  Big Chicken.  Welcome aboard.

That song is well crafted and I cannot disagree with the lovely message it has.  Part of Making America Pate Again will be the inclusion of a virtually unlimited supply of good music in the official Campaign Playlist.  Like Vice-President K_Dubb's modern and forward looking "No Fatties Allowed" program, I too have a pet project (actually I have a long list of pet projects, both the Vice-President and I wholeheartedly embrace the practice of keeping pets) which has already begun; my "Only Good Music" programme is going to take Musaks to new lofty heights.

I am certain that song will attract a great many high-caliber individuals to the campaign.  Your incredibly generous donation of that song to the Official Playlist will not be forgotten lightly, I make this promise to you, Big Chicken!  I really am looking forward to working with you while we fix this shit.  I do apologize for the difficult language, but when I am in the middle of trying to fix shit I often use vulgarities.  One of my many Sins that I hope to be forgiven;  I am sure with your inspired guidance and advice we will all find a way to fix this shit together with all Sins forgiven.

I note that your announcement of acceptance of the Directorship of the long prayed Really-Soon-Now to be created Office of Moral Panic and Remediation of Indecency happened on a Sunday, this is truly divine.

Thank you in advance.  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

[K_Dubb]

I say this as an external observer: You really need to learn double speak if you are running. The fact of the matter is that a huge percentage of citizens are obese. You need to target the obese vote or risk losing your bid for office.

Try something like "tax incentives" for the obese to join a gym. Tax breaks for those with a BMI under 20. You can transition from the carrot to the stick to the gulag after elected by the cows and elephants that roam the fast-food landscape inhaling everything in sight.

Oh I will target the obese all right!  See modern political wisdom is part of the shit that needs to be fixed.  None of these sweathogs is happy squeezing their blubber rolls in the mirror, or facing another sweltering summer wrapped in enough natural insulation to sustain a polar plunge.  They do not  want to be courted with the language of beauty and acceptance because they hate their fat more than anyone.

We do not need, or want, fat votes.  But those poor people imprisoned in their fatsuits, who might actually be kind of hot if persuaded that basic maintenance is actually sort of fun and makes you feel good, will vote for us in droves.  You don't really want to be the porker sucking down a slurpee in the dark of a drive-through car wash; you want to be the guy standing in your driveway in little shorts washing your car in the sunshine.

[K_Dubb]

What are the odds?  100%! Easter 2021!  Moral Panic and Remediation of Indecency shall see to that sinner.  Count on it.

Amen, Brother Chicken!  It can be like Billy Graham, but with snakes.

[pate]

...We do not need, or want, fat votes...

This is the kind, gentle, and nurturing sort of double-speak that had K_Dubb at the top of the list as a potential running mate in the second place.  Mostly the irons are lost, often on the intar-tubes, mostly.

What my Veep really meant to say about fatties, is that we do not want their votes if those disgusting fatties don't want to fix that shit;  fatties that want us to help fix their shit are welcome!  I eagerly, willingly and personally promise to give up my much needed Presidential sleepy thyme to help any eager, willing to please and pretty in the face fatty willing to take the "Fat No More" pledge.

Although I found some of his "pet projects" a bit disturbing;  as a personable human, I do not judge.  Consenting adults can and do frequently reach mutually beneficial agreements;  although they are imperfectly acceptable to the parties involved.

K_Dubb and I both agree that most parties are cool.  We also agree that no citizen will be forced to attend them, no matter how many RSVPs are relentlessly left at doorsteps, stuffed into mailboxes, delicately rolled and subsequently inserted into screen or storm-door handles and/or any other open receptacle on the street;  to include trashcans.

The Make America Pate Again campaign will work on this issue during the slow approach to November accordingly.  This shall not and will not be an issue we will address once the first 100 days initiative begins.  "Unsolicited Political Paper Pollution" must end;  as part of my campaign for President I would like to see all thugs, solicitors, block-bosses and general ne'er-do-wells that volunteer for the hard tough duty of fixing shit are also collecting political paper shit that needs to be fixed before it pollutes any potential voter's domicile or domestic environment.

The volunteers for the Make America Pate Again campaign, are and will be part of the vast, righteous and ever-growing ranks of shit-fixers the planet has ever seen.

Code Select Expand

{this comment has not been edited by Jackstar for clarity, diction, class and about a billion other things that need to be fixed;  numbers are estimated and mathematics of past performance do not necessarily indicate future results, consult your lawyer}

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

[Jackstar]

"Unsolicited Political Paper Pollution" must end;

Arrangements have already been made. You have chosen your champion; is this your final answer?

I'll allow that. Our long national nightmare draws measurably closer to its end.

Huzzah!

[pate]

Nay Mister President, I say Nay!  The $70 billion should be funneled into a crash breeding program for serpents.  Many a sinner needs to be put to the Asp in the New Inquisition!   

I like serpents, they are mostly harmless if left alone;  but they understand the concept of Justice.  Most serpents, if fucked with, will reluctantly dispense Justice with a swift and deadly speed that teaches a profound lesson:  One does not simply fuck with a serpent.

That is one of the things I want to address while Making America Pate Again:  the worldwide cessation of serpent-fuckery.

Big Chicken, I thank you for bringing this up.  There has always been something about the Gadsen Flag that has fascinated me since my first childhood glimpse of it.  I now understand the full meaning behind this lifelong appreciation.  The Asp will not be tread upon lightly or heavily;  cut into pieces or any other sort of serpent-fuckery.  These practices must end!

The needless sin of Wrath or Anger against the serpent needs to end;  perhaps if approached with respect we can end this practice of needless, unenlightened, and frankly, cruel serpent-fuckery.  A state where serpent and human can mutually co-exist in a nation where they can leave each other's shit alone.  We need to fix this.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

[pate]

..; is this your final answer?
..

What was the question?

Thanks in advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

[Jackstar]

What was the question?

Brain, what do you want to do tonight?

[ShayP]

Brain, what do you want to do tonight?

[ShayP]

K_Dubb needs to wear a Seersucker suit during the election process.  It's important. *don't ask.

[K_Dubb]

K_Dubb needs to wear a Seersucker suit during the election process.  It's important. *don't ask.

Only until Labor Day, and always with white bucks.

[ShayP]

Only until Labor Day, and always with white bucks.

That's a good look.   What do you have in mind for the Autumn season?  I suggest a wool blend.

[K_Dubb]

That's a good look.   What do you have in mind for the Autumn season?  I suggest a wool blend.

That would be sensible.  Do black hoodies come in a wool blend?  With skinny jeans and stomping boots, to court the antifa vote.  Or rather the half of the country that thinks that they are cool, since anarchists don't vote.  Should I bring the longboard on the debate stage, for a real hurly-burly?  There will be no menacing looming over my shoulder!

[ShayP]

That would be sensible.  Do black hoodies come in a wool blend?  With skinny jeans and stomping boots, to court the antifa vote.  Or rather the half of the country that thinks that they are cool, since anarchists don't vote.  Should I bring the longboard on the debate stage, for a real hurly-burly?  There will be no menacing looming over my shoulder!

Let's keep it sensible. 

[K_Dubb]

Let's keep it sensible. 

Ok fine.

[ShayP]

Ok fine.

Are the the socks and thong wool?

[K_Dubb]

Are the the socks and thong wool?

A wool blend.

[ShayP]

A wool blend.

Okay. Approved.  However the boys will get hot, low, and sweaty so I suggest getting a remedy for that.  Perhaps a cup of water with crushed ice.  So refreshing.  Makes me stand up straight every time.

[pate]

Let's keep it sensible. 

We are trying to fix that shit.  You can help, looks like you are doing an Admirable job on the fashion and style front with K_Dubb.  Are you already on his staff, or are you not yet ready to come aboard and help us?

I think you would be a great addition to our steadily growing team.  Let me know what plum position in the Administration most pleases you and in exchange for your vote and support I will make sure your butt is in that seat!  Unless, of course, the seat is already taken.  All seems to be negotiable and friendly at this point;  as I have decreed that back-stabbings & other jostlings for power are not to occur until after my first 100 days initiative.  I am always looking for fresh ideas on what really needs to be put at the top of the list of things that need to be fixed.

Off the top of my head, I seem to recall the following items on the list:

1.  Beer (both K_Dubb and I agree that a steady and delicious supply of beer is necessary in a properly managed economy)
2.  Dog-petting (again both of us)
3.  Good Music ONLY (this is one of my pet projects)
4.  No Fatties Allowed (we agree generally on this but differ slightly on how to address the issue, no deal-breakers more deets)
5.  Don't Be Stupid (I am not sure of K_Dubb's position on this one, and it may be out of order)
6.  Send Dave To Mars (he's earned it, Jackstar is working on how we can make that happen in the fastest manner possible, he's got some pretty good ideas, but again the deets)
7....?

That is about all I can remember.  I am sure there is someone out there willing to help us fix that shit.  Is it you?  Maybe you could help keep track of the Official List of Shit That Will Be Fixed?  That is one of the most important jobs in the Administration, but if it doesn't sound like your bag, that is cool too;  just let me know what you would like to be in charge of fixing.

What do you say?  You are welcome aboard.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit

[K_Dubb]

Okay. Approved.  However the boys will get hot, low, and sweaty so I suggest getting a remedy for that.  Perhaps a cup of water with crushed ice.  So refreshing.  Makes me stand up straight every time.

Oh that's what he's doing down there!

[ItsOver]

I like serpents, they are mostly harmless if left alone;  but they understand the concept of Justice.  Most serpents, if fucked with, will reluctantly dispense Justice with a swift and deadly speed that teaches a profound lesson:  One does not simply fuck with a serpent.

That is one of the things I want to address while Making America Pate Again:  the worldwide cessation of serpent-fuckery.

Big Chicken, I thank you for bringing this up.  There has always been something about the Gadsen Flag that has fascinated me since my first childhood glimpse of it.  I now understand the full meaning behind this lifelong appreciation.  The Asp will not be tread upon lightly or heavily;  cut into pieces or any other sort of serpent-fuckery.  These practices must end!

The needless sin of Wrath or Anger against the serpent needs to end;  perhaps if approached with respect we can end this practice of needless, unenlightened, and frankly, cruel serpent-fuckery.  A state where serpent and human can mutually co-exist in a nation where they can leave each other's shit alone.  We need to fix this.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

No need to eat asps, with a plentiful sardine supply.  Kissing asps is another matter.

[GravitySucks]

We are trying to fix that shit.  You can help, looks like you are doing an Admirable job on the fashion and style front with K_Dubb.  Are you already on his staff, or are you not yet ready to come aboard and help us?

I think you would be a great addition to our steadily growing team.  Let me know what plum position in the Administration most pleases you and in exchange for your vote and support I will make sure your butt is in that seat!  Unless, of course, the seat is already taken.  All seems to be negotiable and friendly at this point;  as I have decreed that back-stabbings & other jostlings for power are not to occur until after my first 100 days initiative.  I am always looking for fresh ideas on what really needs to be put at the top of the list of things that need to be fixed.

Off the top of my head, I seem to recall the following items on the list:

1.  Beer (both K_Dubb and I agree that a steady and delicious supply of beer is necessary in a properly managed economy)
2.  Dog-petting (again both of us)
3.  Good Music ONLY (this is one of my pet projects)
4.  No Fatties Allowed (we agree generally on this but differ slightly on how to address the issue, no deal-breakers more deets)
5.  Don't Be Stupid (I am not sure of K_Dubb's position on this one, and it may be out of order)
6.  Send Dave To Mars (he's earned it, Jackstar is working on how we can make that happen in the fastest manner possible, he's got some pretty good ideas, but again the deets)
7....?

That is about all I can remember.  I am sure there is someone out there willing to help us fix that shit.  Is it you?  Maybe you could help keep track of the Official List of Shit That Will Be Fixed?  That is one of the most important jobs in the Administration, but if it doesn't sound like your bag, that is cool too;  just let me know what you would like to be in charge of fixing.

What do you say?  You are welcome aboard.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit

Your platform should include eliminating the need to change clocks twice per year. 

“You sprang ahead in the spring. Stay sprung with Pate!”

Make America Pate Again!!!