Poll

Three of the five below are the correct answers, you are invited to choose one. Just remember that the odds are in your flavor, but which is the favorite oddity?

Biden/Harris (D)
2 (7.7%)
pate/K_Dubb (aye)
7 (26.9%)
pate/K_Dubb (eye)
8 (30.8%)
pate/K_Dubb (I)
5 (19.2%)
Trump/Pence (R)
4 (15.4%)

Total Members Voted: 26

Voting closed: November 23, 2020, 09:01:44 PM

Author pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"  (Read 9792 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« on: July 18, 2020, 05:06:34 PM »
I figured I might as well make it official.

I am pleased to announce that I am running for President.  It is probably common knowledge by now that every successful Presidential Campaign has been on BellGab.

I am certain that together "We can fix this shit."

As a perk to all my fellow rat-eating haters, regardless of friend, enemy, frenemy, fiend &al status I am offering cabinet posts, ambassador posts, appointments, life-time honoraiums, etc in exchange for your, dear reader, incredibly precious vote.

I am deadly serious about us fixing this shit, so it is a-political, under my benevolent velvety-gloved iron fist political parties will become a forgotten relic fit only for the memory hole.

Loyalty will be strictly enforced, it is my sincere belief that Jackstar will do a fine job seeing to that.

Gravity_Sucks is already on board for SecSpace.  This is on a first come/first served basis, my people.  We need to move quickly.  Fake ballots need to be filled out and stored near polling places.  There is much to do to fix this shit.

I know I can count on you, multiple times, for your vote.

Thank You.  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #1 on: July 18, 2020, 05:44:58 PM »
I want the Attorney General position that has actual power.  An an exclusive contract for supplying orange jump suits.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #2 on: July 18, 2020, 05:54:05 PM »
I want the Attorney General position that has actual power.  An an exclusive contract for supplying orange jump suits.

Done.  This is "all too easy," ha!

I am pleased to announce that Juan has joined the campaign, after our inevitable victory your new shiny-clean Attorney General.  I know I can count on him for swift, brutal and efficient dispensation of Justice.

Thank you, Juan.  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"


pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #3 on: July 18, 2020, 06:32:44 PM »
I anticipate being able to pick up any number of “suspects” before your inauguration speech is over. 

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #4 on: July 18, 2020, 06:43:14 PM »
Vote for Pate!

No nude taxes!!!

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #5 on: July 18, 2020, 06:50:16 PM »
I anticipate being able to pick up any number of “suspects” before your inauguration speech is over.

I may have a short list of names of a few folks that might warrant an investigation.  Once proper Personal Messaging and bold text functionality are restored here on BellGab I will arrange to have it forwarded.

Also, I am going to need to seize control of the BellGab server, so if you can look into what basement it is being kept in that would be real nice.  State security in my administration will require a reliable, secure and safe BellGab.

I can tell things are going to proceed swimmingly.

Thank you in advance.  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #6 on: July 18, 2020, 06:51:02 PM »
Vote for Pate!

Vote Beeblebrox: Zephyr Beeblebrox, Zaphod's teetotaler fifth cousin, three times removed. Going for thirty-three.

No nude taxes!!!

What's that going to do to the economy? Let Us think this through... a cousin.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #7 on: July 18, 2020, 06:53:11 PM »
Once proper Personal Messaging and bold text functionality are restored here on BellGab I will arrange to have it forwarded.

Ross Perot calling in on line six. Sounds interested. Can I get a hit on that platform? Someone stole my weed.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #8 on: July 18, 2020, 06:53:54 PM »
I anticipate being able to pick up any number of “suspects” before your inauguration speech is over.

I can't eat only Juan.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #9 on: July 18, 2020, 06:54:18 PM »
I see.  This effort has it's own thread and deservedly so.  I've offered my services as Consigliere to the campaign.  Especially in matters of the Shadow Government. 

I've made two recommendations so far that live here and there

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #10 on: July 18, 2020, 06:55:57 PM »
I've made two recommendations so far

Three words, just three words: NEVER BREAK CHEESECAKE.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #11 on: July 18, 2020, 07:02:41 PM »
Vote for Pate!

No nude taxes!!!

As your future SecSpace so eloquently points out;  the practice of corrupt and unfair taxation on nudity, whether in public or the sanctity of a private domicile will end, with extreme prejudice.

I am currently working with the future Attorney General to see that this practice that is clearly not constitutional per framers intent is ended.

My people will see this sort of dynamic, cross-departmental synergy in the first 100 days initiative.  This is the sort of leadership the Make America Pate Again movement consistently, reliably and fairly brings to the table, every time or your money back.  This is my promise to you!

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #12 on: July 18, 2020, 07:14:44 PM »
I see.  This effort has it's own thread and deservedly so.  I've offered my services as Consigliere to the campaign.  Especially in matters of the Shadow Government. 

I've made two recommendations so far that live here and there

Man, this things seems to have grown some nice gams, super sexy!  Keeping up with the pressers is getting nuts.  Jackstar apparently has freaking Ross Perot on hold, I hope my on hold music selection not annoying him.

I think I need a Press Secretary, any names in that hat, WAN?

Ideally female, hawt and an accent would be spicy, she's going to be on the TeeVee a lot.  Based on the amount of typing I have done in the initial hours of this campaign, I would settle for less than ideal.  A Press Secretary is needed.

And probably a regular secretary, personal type 1EA, for the Oval Office eventually, we can always burn that bridge when we get to it.

Thanks in advance.  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #13 on: July 18, 2020, 07:24:48 PM »
Jackstar apparently has freaking Ross Perot on hold

At this point, we have each other on reacharound. Ross is a heroic scholar.

For all the difference that makes. Get Sean Spicer here immediately.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #14 on: July 18, 2020, 07:29:35 PM »
Man, this things seems to have grown some nice gams, super sexy!  Keeping up with the pressers is getting nuts.  Jackstar apparently has freaking Ross Perot on hold, I hope my on hold music selection not annoying him.

I think I need a Press Secretary, any names in that hat, WAN?

Ideally female, hawt and an accent would be spicy, she's going to be on the TeeVee a lot.  Based on the amount of typing I have done in the initial hours of this campaign, I would settle for less than ideal.  A Press Secretary is needed.

And probably a regular secretary, personal type 1EA, for the Oval Office eventually, we can always burn that bridge when we get to it.

Thanks in advance.  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"


Well you have no need for a Consigliere there.  Female, hawt, spicy, the ability to kick press corp ass. All with a beautiful accent.  There is only one possible candidate for that gig.   She has been sadly gone for awhile but she is definitely a patriot and I am sure she will definitely want to be part of a pate/K_Dubb 2020 dream team.   Your new Press Secretary - Inglorious Bitch. 


pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #15 on: July 18, 2020, 07:31:30 PM »
Three words, just three words: NEVER BREAK CHEESECAKE.

Do I look like the type to "Break Cheescake"?


pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #16 on: July 18, 2020, 07:34:57 PM »
Your new Press Secretary - (VA)Inglorious Bitch

I gave Lonevoice a Mendelsohn. This position is up in the air. Just to keep things saucy.

Is this not a delicious empire? I prefer "tasty" but "moist" is out of the question.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #17 on: July 18, 2020, 07:36:24 PM »
Do I look like the type to "Break Cheescake"?

Yes, but that's an act. NEVER SAY NEVER.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #18 on: July 18, 2020, 07:46:53 PM »
I gave Lonevoice a Mendelsohn. This position is up in the air. Just to keep things saucy.

Is this not a delicious empire? I prefer "tasty" but "moist" is out of the question.

A reasonable choice but The Man specifically requested an accent.  I freely admit that I can't recall ever hearing Lonevoice speak.  Can she top Ibby's captivating Bronx?  If so then pate has some deliberating to do.   

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #19 on: July 18, 2020, 07:51:30 PM »
Back to the Shadows. 

Moral decay and indecency has set in and festering now.  The seven cardinal sins are flouted openly.  Sloth and Gluttony are the first to be addressed, as I am sure K_Dubb would insist on.  I'd suggest having K_Dubb spearhead this issue publicly.  It is important and is obviously near and dear to his heart.  Now deep, in the dark where the shadows lie other sins need to be addressed.  All Presidents promise to reduce the size of government while doing the exact opposite.   You will be no different of course.   You'll need a new shadow agency buried deep in the budget.   You'll need a fanatic to run it.  Your new director of the  Office of Moral Panic and Remediation of Indecency - Big Chicken. 



He is unafraid to go bare chested as needed but may need to take up K_Dubb's initiative.


pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #20 on: July 18, 2020, 08:04:40 PM »
Well you have no need for a Consigliere there.  Female, hawt, spicy, the ability to kick press corp ass. All with a beautiful accent.  There is only one possible candidate for that gig.   She has been sadly gone for awhile but she is definitely a patriot and I am sure she will definitely want to be part of a pate/K_Dubb 2020 dream team.   Your new Press Secretary - Inglorious Bitch. 



Inglorious Bitch has the sort of class, style, razor-sharp wit and cat-like reflexes that America has been long aching for.  The pate/K_Dubb 2020 campaign would be truly blessed were she to join the crew and come aboard.  Her diction and grammar have always been impeccable, and would be a welcome and sorely needed addition to the steadily growing team I am assembling to Make America Pate Again.

Inglorious Bitch, if you are still out there we fully intend to fix this shit, will you help us?  Your kindness, heart and rectitude are desperately needed on the campaign!

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"


pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #21 on: July 18, 2020, 08:07:20 PM »
I guess this is now the place to post? We need an appointing of a Sargent at Arms to enforce order of where to post and parliamentary procedure, in addition to go old Law & Order- with an iron fist. Paladin?

"I will not accept if nominated, and will not serve if elected."

"“I don’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as one of its members.”

Having said that these three are tempting:

1)  head of BATF (and E) with all the privileges for fun that this entails and instead of cracking down on such high-jinx, the items will be promoted! Immediate firings and hiring of staff from militias,  those guys that do that epic, invite-only fireworks shows in the desert, rednecks who do "anvil firing" and moonshining, Bring back ashtrays and cuspidors to buildings, including Houses of Congress. Investigate use of self-driving cars and trucks for drunk driving elimination- only. If using self-driving cars without being over the limit, you are fined.

2) Chief Justice: job for life, can drink, has privacy, private security, viewed as god by the press and establishment, and essentially makes all law, Can force lawyers and politicians to grovel before you. Side benefit: can wear robes to cover girth from 3 martini lunches and fine dining and/or while getting 'serviced' by nubile young lady law clerks during the more boring hearings Robe also means "no fattie" rule doesn't apply.  Being Chief Justice I'm above the law anyway but this allows the peons to not see the emperor has no clothes. 

3) FCC: ban most modern tv shows. Reruns of good shows only. And only quality programming. No more Norry. Art replays, hiring clever Japanese technicians to make a fake AI so "new" Art shows can be broadcast. Cast Hollywood folks into the sea. No more reboots, remakes, and nonsense. No more politics in sports programming. ESPN banned, rebranded, and rehosted.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #22 on: July 18, 2020, 08:19:35 PM »
Back to the Shadows. 

Moral decay and indecency has set in and festering now.  The seven cardinal sins are flouted openly.  Sloth and Gluttony are the first to be addressed, as I am sure K_Dubb would insist on.  I'd suggest having K_Dubb spearhead this issue publicly.  It is important and is obviously near and dear to his heart.  Now deep, in the dark where the shadows lie other sins need to be addressed.  All Presidents promise to reduce the size of government while doing the exact opposite.   You will be no different of course.   You'll need a new shadow agency buried deep in the budget.   You'll need a fanatic to run it.  Your new director of the  Office of Moral Panic and Remediation of Indecency - Big Chicken. 



He is unafraid to go bare chested as needed but may need to take up K_Dubb's initiative.


It would truly be mirable dieu to have the Big Chicken as director of the Office of Moral Panic and Remediation of Indecency.  I have had the twin villainies of Sloth and Gluttony on my mind as the first of the maleficent seven to eradicate, I had hoped that they could be dealt with in the first 100 days initiative.  It would be a divine answer to fervent prayers were the Big Chicken come aboard to help us fix this shit.  This will dovetail nicely with Vice-President K_Dubb's personal "No Fatties Allowed" program;  again the Make America Pate Again movement will make these tremendous strides, heavy lifting of weights and heart-rate increasing efforts to thin the ranks!  I am proud of the team we have put together so far, and it would be divinely rapturous if the Big Chicken would choose to do God's work for America.  There is even this issue of unconstitutional taxation on nudity to address.  Will you put on the armor and gird your loins to help us overcome evil in our time?

What do you say, Big Chicken?  Director,  Office of Moral Panic and Remediation of Indecency?  Yours if you want it!

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #23 on: July 18, 2020, 08:23:28 PM »
I would like to nominate myself for the position of Baron Trump in the Pate administration. Kid is 13 and already taller than me and you can tell he's going to be awful handsome, just like his father. If elected I will donate my annual salary to worthy causes with the exception of $4.99 for a new fidget spinner.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #24 on: July 18, 2020, 08:34:02 PM »
Inglorious Bitch has the sort of class, style, razor-sharp wit and cat-like reflexes that America has been long aching for.  The pate/K_Dubb 2020 campaign would be truly blessed were she to join the crew and come aboard.  Her diction and grammar have always been impeccable, and would be a welcome and sorely needed addition to the steadily growing team I am assembling to Make America Pate Again.

Inglorious Bitch, if you are still out there we fully intend to fix this shit, will you help us?  Your kindness, heart and rectitude are desperately needed on the campaign!

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

Caveat, for our enemies or for the disloyal domestic press, I suggest Dave Norrie, Norry, or whatever his name is. He has the official C.V. that they will be fooled (prior public relations experience, previous radio experience, live 'big events,' etc.) But his answers will confuse. His explanations will cause our enemies to be over-confident. And he does show up, mostly, on time and has proven to be able to spout gobble-de-gook and nonsense for hours at end. Putting our enemies, foreign and domestic, to sleep or to go away.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #25 on: July 18, 2020, 08:39:20 PM »
I guess this is now the place to post? We need an appointing of a Sargent at Arms to enforce order of where to post and parliamentary procedure, in addition to go old Law & Order- with an iron fist. Paladin?

"I will not accept if nominated, and will not serve if elected."

"“I don’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as one of its members.”

Having said that these three are tempting:

1)  head of BATF (and E) with all the privileges for fun that this entails and instead of cracking down on such high-jinx, the items will be promoted! Immediate firings and hiring of staff from militias,  those guys that do that epic, invite-only fireworks shows in the desert, rednecks who do "anvil firing" and moonshining, Bring back ashtrays and cuspidors to buildings, including Houses of Congress. Investigate use of self-driving cars and trucks for drunk driving elimination- only. If using self-driving cars without being over the limit, you are fined.

2) Chief Justice: job for life, can drink, has privacy, private security, viewed as god by the press and establishment, and essentially makes all law, Can force lawyers and politicians to grovel before you. Side benefit: can wear robes to cover girth from 3 martini lunches and fine dining and/or while getting 'serviced' by nubile young lady law clerks during the more boring hearings Robe also means "no fattie" rule doesn't apply.  Being Chief Justice I'm above the law anyway but this allows the peons to not see the emperor has no clothes. 

3) FCC: ban most modern tv shows. Reruns of good shows only. And only quality programming. No more Norry. Art replays, hiring clever Japanese technicians to make a fake AI so "new" Art shows can be broadcast. Cast Hollywood folks into the sea. No more reboots, remakes, and nonsense. No more politics in sports programming. ESPN banned, rebranded, and rehosted.

True warriors like paladin1991 are always welcome to the Make America Pate Again banquet table!  Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, Federal Communications Commission, Marine Corps Commandant, Federal Bureau of Investigation, Central Intelligence Agency, Special Operations Command;  the list of suitable posts for my pal is long.  There are many seats left at the table;  hell if he wants a nice tropical gig Marine Corps Base Hawaii might benefit from his wise leadership?  He has only to ask, and it will be his.  I can only imagine the herculean efforts paladin1991 could make with us on all the shit that needs fixing!  I would be proud to have him aboard.  Few Presidential candidates have had people of his high-caliber on their teams, this is an exciting time with adventures on the horizon.

What do you say paladin1991, do you want to help us fix this shit?  I would be honored if you joined us, we have a lot of shit to fix.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #26 on: July 18, 2020, 08:39:37 PM »
Moral decay and indecency has set in and festering now.  The seven cardinal sins are flouted openly.  Sloth and Gluttony are the first to be addressed, as I am sure K_Dubb would insist on.  I'd suggest having K_Dubb spearhead this issue publicly.  It is important and is obviously near and dear to his heart.

It would be my pleasure to head up the Joint Shaming Task Force.  Calipers should be as prevalent as masks, and required for shopping.  No entry to grocery or convenience stores if you can pinch more than an inch.  And no more t-shirts in the pool, either -- you're not fooling anybody fat boy.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #27 on: July 18, 2020, 08:49:37 PM »
It would be my pleasure to head up the Joint Shaming Task Force.  Calipers should be as prevalent as masks, and required for shopping.  No entry to grocery or convenience stores if you can pinch more than an inch.  And no more t-shirts in the pool, either -- you're not fooling anybody fat boy.
If this rule applies to beaches, creeks, and rivers and public park pools this would help me enforce my actions in charge of ICE. I also suggest calipers be used to identify "close set eyes," signs of a criminal.

Though this could impact our negotiations as head of ICE to find a broad coalition over use of illegal fireworks, tobacco, and drinking with the Hispanic community especially and also certain white and Italian demographics- which could be solved, maybe, be a happy medium in which 'wife-beaters' are allowed? Only in those settings, as a temporary measure. (Like all revolutions after seizing power we can purge the ranks, as it were.)

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #28 on: July 18, 2020, 09:01:46 PM »


... 3) FCC: ban most modern tv shows. Reruns of good shows only. And only quality programming. No more Norry. Art replays, hiring clever Japanese technicians to make a fake AI so "new" Art shows can be broadcast. Cast Hollywood folks into the sea. No more reboots, remakes, and nonsense. No more politics in sports programming. ESPN banned, rebranded, and rehosted.
You had me at "ban most modern tv shows."  In particular, the damn awful, low IQ, leftist propganda, bitch populated daytime shows should be outlawed and their whiny so-called hosts should be placed in chains and forced to watch non-stop episodes of "Black Sheep Squadron."

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #29 on: July 18, 2020, 09:02:15 PM »
I would like to nominate myself for the position of Baron Trump in the Pate administration. Kid is 13 and already taller than me and you can tell he's going to be awful handsome, just like his father. If elected I will donate my annual salary to worthy causes with the exception of $4.99 for a new fidget spinner.

Name change and cosmetic surgery?  Making you 13 again might be difficult, I will have to get the Director of the Office of Science and Technology to look into what we can do about reverse-aging.  Whoever that Director is will have a pretty full plate fulfilling a few of Jackstar's more difficult requests.  Hell, you could jump on that one if you want.  I don't think anyone has requested it yet.

I can, when I take office, try to find out what room he stayed in and perhaps ask Mr. Trump what kind of toys and shit he doesn't want (even the broken toys, we can fix that shit);  old posters, although if he has the same Kelly LeBroc poster in a red bikini that I had when I was a kid, you probably won't get that, but we could buy one for you I guess.  Maybe we could get an inventory of the kid's junk and buy the same stuff, make sure you eat only his favorite foods.

This is a rather strange request, I do not judge but I think I will have to beef up your security detail.  I will talk to Attorney General Juan about it.  Will you be fixing shit or breaking shit?  I fully believe the way to Make America Pate Again is to fix shit, so yeah.  I hope Baron Trump is not an angry child that breaks shit, but if he does we will fix that broken shit.  It is what we do, man.

I may feel more comfortable with you in a custom built replica of Baron Trumps room being constructed for you on an island somewhere, it will be just like the real thing, I promise.  I may have to get The Big Chicken to talk to you about this if he comes aboard.  Long story short, on the surface your request seems fulfillable.   I can count on you for a rather high multiple of votes?

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"