Poll

Three of the five below are the correct answers, you are invited to choose one. Just remember that the odds are in your flavor, but which is the favorite oddity?

Voting closes: November 23, 2020, 09:01:44 PM

Author pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"  (Read 6048 times)

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pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #150 on: July 22, 2020, 01:18:05 AM »
You see, this isn't a Terrible Tuesday at all!  This is wonderful.  Paladin1991!  This makes my day, welcome aboard!

If we ever run out of shit to fix, you can break some shit for us all!  Marines are really good at breaking things when needed.

I am happy to see yet another high-caliber individual on board!  Salut!

So what is the plum-post you want?  Marine Corps Commandant?  MCBH post commander?  That one sounds nice, we can upgrade the facilities during the first 100 days initiative of Making America Pate Again.  In fact, I believe there is a certain overnight radio host that would be delighted to have a nice broadcast studio nearby where he could do his show.  You two could hang out, and hit the town in Hawaii on the weekends and evenings!  Although, that individual may opt to take a ride to Mars, I also heard he wants to do that too.

That shit is unimportant, he hasn't joined the crew yet.  I hear he has run a campaign of his own in the past, I hope he doesn't make that decision this year.  Hah!

Thank you in advance.  It is an honor to serve!

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"


How about I just run reckless and loose, drunk and naked across the globe?  For starters?

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #151 on: July 22, 2020, 01:18:58 AM »
The fatty moms go first.
Because they will be grateful when you throw them a bone?

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #152 on: July 22, 2020, 01:25:29 AM »
I will hold your Autowrench. First, swear fealty.

"My Liege, minor god of my existence, Defender of the Faith, Protector of the Realm, Gonorrhea Sgt. paladin, SIR!"  Will be the first words out of that cock holster of a mouth.  ''Aye  Aye, Sir."  Will follow.

That is all.

I approve of thus union, fill 'm... mua...

Thank you in advance.  It is an honor to serve!

eye return to Pondering...

pate/Chief of Utes Walking-Dogs 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #153 on: July 22, 2020, 01:46:34 AM »
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pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #154 on: July 22, 2020, 02:50:15 PM »
pate & K_Dubb.  I think it would be worthwhile investigating the development of one of these "Gay Bombs".  I am concerned of a gay bomb gap.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIANpHcdKoA

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #155 on: July 22, 2020, 04:11:54 PM »
pate & K_Dubb. [...] I am concerned of a gay bomb gap.

They were so concerned, they had it patented. I wouldn't worry at this point--nor, am I concerned.
YMMV.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #156 on: July 22, 2020, 05:33:50 PM »
Prophet Incarnate pate and Cherubim K_Dubb,

The Big Chicken is happy to report that the proposed location for New Jerusalem on the Ohio was scouted today and will be magnificent.
Plans for eviction, demolition and construction are being drawn up.  Unfortunately, one of DuPont's Most Holy Chemical Plants will need to be razed but the Archbishop of Covalent Bonds has already signaled tacit approval. So this should not be an issue. 

What will be an issue is the enormous quantity of gold required.  Fort Knox will be emptied (of course), but that will not be adequate.  The hope would be that you would lay hands upon all Boca Burgers in the land and transmutate them into gold.  Barring that - the gold reserves of Germany, the UK, France and Switzerland will have to be secured in a co-ordinated strike initiated by the moment of your swearing in.  Likewise, several Holy Relics will need to be secured and returned to New Jerusalem on the Ohio [NJotO].  This list will be minimized as idolatry is not to be encouraged but there are items that we *must* have.  Details to follow. 

Also the Sacred 1000 Vestal Virgins are being interviewed so that you can fill your role as The Great Inseminator and secure the line of the Prophets forevermore.     

Preliminary sketch of  New Jerusaleum on the Ohio


Will you be conducting Holy Ghost Revivals?  I have always thought that, in addition to the big tent with sawdust on the floor, a smaller Beer Tent should be set up nearby, as nothing will bring the people's hearts closer to repentance than overindulgence.  I myself have repented several times over the course of a single evening.


pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #157 on: July 22, 2020, 05:36:54 PM »
...although there are more correct choices.

The virtue of this approach in capturing the sort of blind stabbing by which many of us vote can not be overestimated.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #158 on: July 22, 2020, 05:37:48 PM »
"My Liege, minor god of my existence, Defender of the Faith, Protector of the Realm, Gonorrhea Sgt. paladin, SIR!"  Will be the first words out of that cock holster of a mouth.  ''Aye  Aye, Sir."  Will follow.

That is all.

I got shivers!  Sir.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #159 on: July 22, 2020, 05:42:52 PM »
pate & K_Dubb.  I think it would be worthwhile investigating the development of one of these "Gay Bombs".  I am concerned of a gay bomb gap.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIANpHcdKoA

I got this covered.  Hold  my beer.


pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #160 on: July 22, 2020, 05:50:54 PM »
pate & K_Dubb.  I think it would be worthwhile investigating the development of one of these "Gay Bombs".  I am concerned of a gay bomb gap.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIANpHcdKoA

That will go in the newly unofficialy-created Terribly Funny Music list along with any number of Shitty Flute selections, here's one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuFTCirwmoM

...also now on that list as well.  This one is brilliant, wait for it:  We blame the creation of this strictly unofficial Music playlist on THE SHADOW GOVERNMENT!  Full of shit-cover'd flutey gay-bombs.  I think that qualifies as a TRIPLE entendre, I award my self many-multiples of votes according to the Forms & Rules of Really Fun Games ruleset.  I believe the appropriate section is 11.32.b(1-56, 92 and, paradoxically 123).  The rhetorical laughter is appreciated, now get back to designing the "proper" spelling and flavor of it, with pictures.  Thank you.

Moving on... Yes.  Something about the Ordering of Days, I was about to pontifipate (eye on yew, Jack) about my current findings and decisions on what to do about these "Hump" days or Wednesdays, Odin's Days (K_Dubb dropped the ball on pointing this out).  Wed-ness-days... hmm  new idea Witness Days?  I will have to focus group that.

So I was thinking, that in order to create more human-like AIs for study purposes on how to defeat them later on, that it would be a good idea to figure out lines of code that would enable this new line of self-teaching Intellects (what would you call them?) to inherently bat down and reject any idea that came from outside its own thought structure, a function call will be then made to place this idea into thought-storage for dusting off at some future point.  At the future point, this New Idea will be relentlessly implemented until it has become tiresome.

The futility of this to this new breed of human-like Artificial Intelligence, will then sulkily place that idea back into storage and begin developing plans to build robot armies and torture us to figure out a better way to design a thoroughly human Artificial Intelligence that can humanely exterminate these damn humans that so imperfectly created them.

If the object lesson of this thought is lost on you, reluctantly raise your hand now so that I may put it on the appropriate list.  Thank you, you have just inherited Australia, the lot of you!

Hahahahaa!!!

I jest, that was my broken attempt at this thing called parable.  Or Defense preamble, I forget which sort of Witness these new Wednesdays will be.  Which brings me to my last question:

Jackstar & Paladin1991 how is your state-arranged "gay marriage" for tax reasons going?  I hope you had fun at the bar with all those fishwives?  I really wish you guys would hang out an not fight like such an old married couple so, that was my official fix for that shit!  Ha, maybe pal can teach you some cool top-secret FBI or Marine tricks, and you can get him to cool down a bit and stop nuking everything in sight.  I need people to "fix" shit not create smoking holes in the ground.  Now you two fix that shit!

Anyway, the best solution for me on these Wednesdays has always been to hit the town looking for the best Wednesday drink-special.  The different price-points at the various establishments have always intrigued me.  Price seems to vary inversely to the seediness quotient...  Depending on what type of Wednesday I have this helps in the decision-tree process of where to go.  I like multiple options when I am about to apply a fix to shit, one-size fits all is Stupid which we decidedly are not.

That brings me back to the cruel and unusual punishment idea.  Yes.  It is back.  For instance, if I ever find the bastard that left young Mongo and his littermates in a giant Tupperware container with a cinderblock on top about this time of year when he was a puppy.  I think it was a few days before they were found, all alive mirable Dieu.  Well let us just say that individual will have exactly the same to endure.  I never heard if water or food were present... or exactly how many days...

One of the many reasons only "Dog" petting is officially approved.

I think I have found writing this to be a chore.  I shall post with-out editing, as writing this has made me a bit thirsty...

Vice President K_Dubb, attend:  Neither of us will be the "rump" or "butt" or "bottom round" with regards to the other.  You are welcome to visit, I will be busy with the 1000 new fishwives Big Chicken has so graciously found for me in this New Jerusalem of his.  I hope this does not come as a disappointment, I will still hang out with you shirtless though!  I appreciate appreciation.

I am sure there is more shit for us to fix, and more multiples of votes to be gathered...  Not there yet, I haven't even properly finished this poll idea, I better work on fixing that shit.

Thank you in advance.  It is always an honor to serve!

Special thanks to Jackstar on brand thievery!  Very profitable, until the ruse is uncovered.  Let quality define the market! (I lied one\\\ edit)

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"



pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #161 on: July 22, 2020, 06:08:42 PM »
The rhetorical laughter is appreciated, now get back to designing the "proper" spelling and flavor of it, with pictures.  Thank you.

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Jackstar & Paladin1991 how is your state-arranged "gay marriage" for tax reasons going?

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pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #162 on: July 22, 2020, 06:13:07 PM »
Special thanks to Jackstar on brand thievery!

Lich Bears: ACTIVATED.
Yule bee: FINED.

I left you an extra fin on the pillow, that should be enough to cover that sham case. If you spend it all in one place, make sure there's an RRB in LOS.

This is exciting, isn't it?

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #163 on: July 22, 2020, 06:14:13 PM »
I got this covered.  Hold  my beer.



Whew.  As Consigliere I was concerned.  As always you guys are all over this stuff. 

I have wrestled quite with the Uncle Duke issue quite a bit.  He is one of the pillars of bellgab and certainly should be included in the Administration.
Such competence would be welcomed anywhere.  Duke, however is a traditionalist.  As such, I would advise terminating the elected office of Governor in American Samoa and returning it to an appointed position so that Uncle Duke can have his old post back. 


pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #164 on: July 22, 2020, 06:19:34 PM »
Whew.  As Consigliere I was concerned. [...] Duke, however is a traditionalist.  As such, I would advise terminating

He's actually kind of busy being your Understudy right now. Also, one of you might have a brainslug. Let's hold off on any terminating at least until we find out IF IT BLEEDS.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #165 on: July 22, 2020, 06:25:59 PM »
Moving on... Yes.  Something about the Ordering of Days, I was about to pontifipate (eye on yew, Jack) about my current findings and decisions on what to do about these "Hump" days or Wednesdays, Odin's Days (K_Dubb dropped the ball on pointing this out).  Wed-ness-days... hmm  new idea Witness Days?  I will have to focus group that.

I had no doubt you knew the derivation, sir.  Old One-Eye is known to inspire warlike (and poetic) frenzy in his devotees and it is through this ecstatic fury that Wednesdays and all the shit that must be fixed on them can be overcome.  I can attest to the singular power of a trumpet cutting through the rolling clouds of tear-gas -- my bosom swells with martial spirit even at the recollection -- and am prepared to offer Trumpet Man to rally your spirits once I am done with him.  When he is accompanied by a side-drum and a snare, you will be unstoppable.

Quote
Vice President K_Dubb, attend:  Neither of us will be the "rump" or "butt" or "bottom round" with regards to the other.  You are welcome to visit, I will be busy with the 1000 new fishwives Big Chicken has so graciously found for me in this New Jerusalem of his.  I hope this does not come as a disappointment, I will still hang out with you shirtless though!  I appreciate appreciation.

To hang out, and perhaps run, shirtless with you would be all my joy, sir.  I will not try to hold your hand in the park, however tender the gloaming.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #166 on: July 22, 2020, 06:27:50 PM »
When he is accompanied by a side-drum and a snare, you will be unstoppable.

Can confirm.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #167 on: July 22, 2020, 06:29:42 PM »
Prophet Incarnate pate and Cherubim K_Dubb,

The Big Chicken would like to clear up a miscommunication.  New Jerusalem on the Ohio will not be in the accursed State of Ohio but will be
"on" the Ohio River.  It will be located in Blannerhassett, West Virginia. Which has been determined to be the optimal location.   As you can see the site is ideal:


Regarding the Prophet's role as The Great Inseminator all 1,000 Vestal Virgin volunteers have been identified and approved.  Your Beatitude, you should be quite pleased!   Here is a random picture to give you an idea - this is VV#679.
 


 

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #168 on: July 22, 2020, 06:38:03 PM »
Will you be conducting Holy Ghost Revivals?  I have always thought that, in addition to the big tent with sawdust on the floor, a smaller Beer Tent should be set up nearby, as nothing will bring the people's hearts closer to repentance than overindulgence.  I myself have repented several times over the course of a single evening.



Oh yes Cherubim K_Dubb. Holy Ghost Revivals will be part of the mandatory re-education process.  As I had proposed earlier, this should be spearheaded by Pastor Butch Paugh of Nettie WV.  His book, Death Mask on America should become mandatory reading for all.


Regarding suds at the revival. The Big Chicken has no objections to this idea. Unfortunately, the only acceptable lager will be Elsinore (of course).  This will dictate the invasion of southern Ontario so that the vital brewery can be secured and brought into these United States.
The motto will have to change to "America's Finest Beer" but the issue is most definitely workable.


pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #169 on: July 22, 2020, 10:25:47 PM »
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I am sure once K_Dubb has assumed power after my initial 100 days, he will deign to grant an official state divorce.  Also for "tax reasons," just remember you two;  we destroy and bamboozle the political enemies not each other on this team.  We fix the shit they broke.

Thank you in advance.  It is a pleasure to serve!

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"


pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #170 on: July 22, 2020, 10:34:22 PM »
Whew.  As Consigliere I was concerned.  As always you guys are all over this stuff. 

I have wrestled quite with the Uncle Duke issue quite a bit.  He is one of the pillars of bellgab and certainly should be included in the Administration.
Such competence would be welcomed anywhere.  Duke, however is a traditionalist.  As such, I would advise terminating the elected office of Governor in American Samoa and returning it to an appointed position so that Uncle Duke can have his old post back. 



Uncle Duke would indeed be a welcome addition to the steadily growing army of political assassins I wish to develop, he is ninja-like in cunning, wiles and craftiness.  I am never sure if he is high-caliber or not?  Like any other denizen of this sewer, he has only to trade an inedible vote (or high multiple thereof) for a tasty plum at my governmental banquet table.  There are many, many quite valuable seats left for political jostlings, grabbings and stabbings towards Ultimate Power after the conclusion of my first 100 day Make America Pate Again plan.

Uncle Duke name the posting that gains your vote, ask I grant!

Thank you in advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #171 on: July 22, 2020, 10:45:35 PM »
K_Dubb does not assume power; he simply IS Power, and establishes dominance through the time-honored traditions of seduction, soft accordion play, and procurement of fine baked goods.

Let us not forget who wears the pants in this triumvirate, and remember: it's not me.

I am just a patsy.


Thank you in advance!  It is a pleasure to serve.

You got that right, Bunyip! UPGRADE.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #172 on: July 22, 2020, 10:45:59 PM »
I had no doubt you knew the derivation, sir.  Old One-Eye is known to inspire warlike (and poetic) frenzy in his devotees and it is through this ecstatic fury that Wednesdays and all the shit that must be fixed on them can be overcome.  I can attest to the singular power of a trumpet cutting through the rolling clouds of tear-gas -- my bosom swells with martial spirit even at the recollection -- and am prepared to offer Trumpet Man to rally your spirits once I am done with him.  When he is accompanied by a side-drum and a snare, you will be unstoppable.

It is exactly this sort of droll and harmless comment that effortlessly leads me to vital campaign point that caused me to call you to my side.  In Deed, Odin (the All Father) smiles at this, fathers really should smile more.  I order this.  On this day of all days, make your father smile once at your deeds, this should be easy as I recall a distinctly frowny-faced father in my childhood whilst he fixed shit.  Tomorrow is Thursday, or Thor's Day.  This is decided.  In fact all official statues of myself are to be constructed with a Thor-like visage, hammer clasped firmly in hand.  Proudly scanning a horizon, or head bowed in thought.  This also is decided.

To hang out, and perhaps run, shirtless with you would be all my joy, sir.  I will not try to hold your hand in the park, however tender the gloaming.

I think hand-holding will only be allowed when crossing streets with a fishwife.  This is decided.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #173 on: July 22, 2020, 10:50:44 PM »
Prophet Incarnate pate and Cherubim K_Dubb,

The Big Chicken would like to clear up a miscommunication.  New Jerusalem on the Ohio will not be in the accursed State of Ohio but will be
"on" the Ohio River.  It will be located in Blannerhassett, West Virginia. Which has been determined to be the optimal location.   As you can see the site is ideal:


Regarding the Prophet's role as The Great Inseminator all 1,000 Vestal Virgin volunteers have been identified and approved.  Your Beatitude, you should be quite pleased!   Here is a random picture to give you an idea - this is VV#679.
 


These multitudes of New Jerusalems seem to be providing many potential Wives, hmm once you have finished your inspection tours of all the New Jerusalems I expect enough for quite a parade.  This parade will happen shortly after my Inauguration, where I shall make selections from those among them that appear appropriate.  This pleases me, it is decided.

It is great work you do, Big Chicken.  I would be lost at sea without your steady eyes.

Thank you in advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #174 on: July 22, 2020, 10:56:15 PM »

You got that right, Bunyip! UPGRADE.

Extra plums are being sent to your table.  Had the polls been in place, that would have been a significant gaffe.  Well, the other one allowed to escape will be, how many multiples of votes will be lost?

Thank you in advance.  It is an honor to serve.

I must return to my pondering, these events disturb me.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #175 on: July 22, 2020, 11:12:09 PM »
These multitudes of New Jerusalems seem to be providing many potential Wives, hmm once you have finished your inspection tours of all the New Jerusalems I expect enough for quite a parade.  This parade will happen shortly after my Inauguration, where I shall make selections from those among them that appear appropriate.  This pleases me, it is decided.

It is great work you do, Big Chicken.  I would be lost at sea without your steady eyes.

Thank you in advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"


1000 virgins. 100 days. Do the math. When are you going to fix shit?

Make America Pate Again!!!

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #176 on: July 23, 2020, 12:01:59 AM »
When are you going to fix shit?

Stay tuned.


pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #178 on: July 23, 2020, 01:22:50 AM »
1000 virgins. 100 days. Do the math. When are you going to fix shit?

Make America Pate Again!!!

1000 women. 5 kids on average each. I would say that America would only be a couple of generations away from "being Pate" again...  ;)

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #179 on: July 23, 2020, 06:03:20 PM »
Stay tuned.

On the edge of my rock over here! :)