Poll

Three of the five below are the correct answers, you are invited to choose one. Just remember that the odds are in your flavor, but which is the favorite oddity?

Voting closes: November 23, 2020, 09:01:44 PM

Author pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"  (Read 6042 times)

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pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #270 on: August 01, 2020, 11:50:10 PM »
Other anti-Lust methods are also being considered.  Have no fear!  The Plague of Coomers shall be eradicated.  Behold the Prophet pate's Honey Trap!



I dated her, Chickie...made it out alive.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #271 on: August 01, 2020, 11:51:00 PM »
Thread question...has any shit gotten fixed?


pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #273 on: August 02, 2020, 12:09:35 AM »
I dated her, Chickie...made it out alive.

There was another. His crank was ripped off by the prototype. He cared not, just kept cooming from a hole. It is determined depravity like that which The Prophet Incarnate pate will stamp out!


pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #275 on: August 02, 2020, 07:55:11 AM »
This might be the most fucked up thread I've ever read... thanks

The Big Chicken has the Eldorado ready to go:


Destination: Souls Harbor Tabernacle join us in worship thread!  Glory be!

Don't forget your checkbook - Render unto pate, that which is pate's.  Don't end up on the board of humilation!

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #276 on: August 02, 2020, 12:22:57 PM »
Thread question...has any shit gotten fixed?

After I push your shit, Your shit will definitely be fixed.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #277 on: August 02, 2020, 01:36:14 PM »
After I push your shit, Your shit will definitely be fixed.

Supergay! ::)

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #278 on: August 02, 2020, 01:50:23 PM »
President Pate
After through legal research, my office has developed an annual license for the new head of NPR.  It will be put up for bid on Inauguration Day.  We can discuss how weíll split the take later.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #279 on: August 02, 2020, 02:26:18 PM »
President Pate
After through legal research, my office has developed an annual license for the new head of NPR.  It will be put up for bid on Inauguration Day.  We can discuss how weíll split the take later.

That is an elegant fix to the National Public Radio shit!  I was going to hold off on that until the Public Broadcast Service was shit properly fixed, as it seemed to me that NPR would be a tougher almond to crack.  Can the same annual licensing policy be applied to PBS?

Is there any way that we can initiate, furnish or supply interested parties in the Chief Executive Officer position at National Public Radio or the Chairman of the Board of the Public Broadcast Service with an "early-bird" sealed bid that will be held in trust at the Campaign Finance Office until such time as I am sworn in?

It seems like two shit-birds could be fixed with one stone in a manner that would benefit our coffers;  perhaps these early bid monies could be held "In Trust" at some marginal interest rate?  A sort of "ground floor" opportunity:  would there be any Constitutional or Make America Pate Again ideals that might be possible bumps in the road on that idea?

As to the Make America Pate Again ideals, I cannot think of anything at all in contradiction with them with this early-bid proposal.  I would be sure of this, please do look into it.

Thank you in advance!  It is an honor to serve.

This might be the most fucked up thread I've ever read... thanks

chefist, so good of you to drop in!  Are you interested in joining the Make America Pate Again movement?

I believe the Under Secretary of Commerce for Standards and Technology and Director of the National Institute of Standards and Technology seat is open at the banquet table.  This is quite a lucrative, tasty and nutritious plum, I believe a man of your caliber might enjoy it?  I am surprised my Consigliere has not already made this recommendation to me, perhaps he felt it was a self-evident, obvious and/or apparent choice.  It certainly seems so to me!  I only request that you pledge your precious vote or multi-vote on the third of November in this glorious year of Our Lord in exchange.

So what do you say, chefist?  Would you like to come aboard to help us fix some shit and Make America Pate Again?

Thank you in advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #280 on: August 02, 2020, 02:37:35 PM »
That is an elegant fix to the National Public Radio shit!  I was going to hold off on that until the Public Broadcast Service was shit properly fixed, as it seemed to me that NPR would be a tougher almond to crack.  Can the same annual licensing policy be applied to PBS?

Is there any way that we can initiate, furnish or supply interested parties in the Chief Executive Officer position at National Public Radio or the Chairman of the Board of the Public Broadcast Service with an "early-bird" sealed bid that will be held in trust at the Campaign Finance Office until such time as I am sworn in?

It seems like two shit-birds could be fixed with one stone in a manner that would benefit our coffers;  perhaps these early bid monies could be held "In Trust" at some marginal interest rate?  A sort of "ground floor" opportunity:  would there be any Constitutional or Make America Pate Again ideals that might be possible bumps in the road on that idea?

As to the Make America Pate Again ideals, I cannot think of anything at all in contradiction with them with this early-bid proposal.  I would be sure of this, please do look into it.

Thank you in advance!  It is an honor to serve.

chefist, so good of you to drop in!  Are you interested in joining the Make America Pate Again movement?

I believe the Under Secretary of Commerce for Standards and Technology and Director of the National Institute of Standards and Technology seat is open at the banquet table.  This is quite a lucrative, tasty and nutritious plum,  I am surprised my Consigliere has not already made this recommendation to me, perhaps he felt it was a self-evident, obvious and/or apparent choice.  It certainly seems so to me!  I only request that you pledge your precious vote or multi-vote on the third of November in this glorious year of Our Lord in exchange.

So what do you say, chefist?  Would you like to come aboard to help us fix some shit and Make America Pate Again?


I believe a man of your caliber might enjoy it?

Thank you in advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"



pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #281 on: August 02, 2020, 02:52:10 PM »
This might be the most fucked up thread I've ever read... thanks

Um. Yeah.   Perhaps that Big Chicken recommendation was not the best advice I've given.  Ooops.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #282 on: August 02, 2020, 04:29:29 PM »
Supergay! ::)

Only if he gets the reach around.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #283 on: August 02, 2020, 05:16:30 PM »
Dear President Pate
I see no reason that similar licenses could not be applied per your wishes.  Of course, if you are going to accept and hold early bids, an appropriate application and storage fee should be applied.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #284 on: August 03, 2020, 02:29:40 AM »
Thread question...has any shit gotten fixed?

I fixed some Jambalaya tonight, it is presently cooling down so I can portion it into individual meals...

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #285 on: August 03, 2020, 02:05:49 PM »
Two hundred sixteeen MONDAY
Code: [Select]
"TRIUMVIRATE ARCH" : "JEWELED ALIEN" : "OVER ARCHON" : "METHUSULA PROGENY"
Today is officially cancelled;  campaign work on fixing shit may continue among my people on a strictly voluntary basis.  This is and is not a requirement.

If any of my people wish to make campaign signage to secretly replace our enemies campaign signage:  I encourage this practice of fixing shit.  At some point I plan to PhotoShop a very reverent, pure and equanimous boiler plate in the patriotic red/blue colors which would be best used on a white background.  The official Make America Pate Again verbiage should read "pate/K_Dubb," "2020" and of course;  "We are going to fix this shit."  I think the official slogan could be omitted if an individual finds the fixing of shit to be distasteful, at minimum the "pate/K-Dubb 2020"  should be present.

I will not be fixing that shit today, however:  I have some campaign finance and logistics shit I am focused, much like a laser, upon.

That is about all.

Um. Yeah.   Perhaps that Big Chicken recommendation was not the best advice I've given.  Ooops.

I do not agree, WAN.  When I read:

Back to the Shadows. 

Moral decay and indecency has set in and festering now.  The seven cardinal sins are flouted openly.  Sloth and Gluttony are the first to be addressed, as I am sure K_Dubb would insist on.  I'd suggest having K_Dubb spearhead this issue publicly.  It is important and is obviously near and dear to his heart.  Now deep, in the dark where the shadows lie other sins need to be addressed.  All Presidents promise to reduce the size of government while doing the exact opposite.   You will be no different of course.   You'll need a new shadow agency buried deep in the budget.   You'll need a fanatic to run it.  Your new director of the  Office of Moral Panic and Remediation of Indecency - Big Chicken. 



He is unafraid to go bare chested as needed but may need to take up K_Dubb's initiative.
Code: [Select]
{i}emphasis mine{/i}

I realized that therein was a Jungian thought about some shit that really needs fixing.  Your recommendation of Big Chicken was, perhaps, a bit puzzling at first;  after pondering upon it I came around to see the wisdom of your words.  Out of the "mouths of babes" or was it something to do with the "kine that tread the grain?"

Those two unfinished thought-phrases immediately leapt into my mind, and it seemed readily apparent that a human zealot of Big Chicken's caliber would bring many interesting flavors to our shared banquet table.

I do worry about Mr. Chicken tarrying for so long at his present location of interest for this proposed "New Jerusalem."  Perhaps, he is not yet convinced of its perfection, rectitude and propriety and is deepening his Inquisition of the place?  I do not know;  but I am certain he will, in his own perhaps indelicate way:  fix that shit!

Already, he has proved to be disturbingly apt in his sinnergystic{sp} approach at finding new fixes for shit.  If and when he decides, with appropriate pastoral guidance of course, that this West Viginian/Ohioan "New Jerusalem" is indeed the real article, or yet another of the myriad fakes and moves on to one of the other sites the folk at his new destination will tremble in awestruck anticipation and fear at his inexorable, relentless and righteous approach.

This will inevitably lead these political enemies to the crucible of their own souls where they must decide for themselves if they are to turn to the correct side, mine, with their incredibly precious vote and/or multi-vote.  Some of these might receive a valuable plum in exchange if they truly merit such.

This I believe for some strange reason;  another thing that strikes me as a bit out-of-place is Big Chicken's idea that I am some sort of prophet or something?  While I do occasionally dabble in the art of prediction it is more of an educated guess or "hedged bet" in the fixing of odds.  Certainly not revealed information from Higher Authority, more of a scientifical attempt to make sense of this broken shit world and how best to approach the fixing of it.

Walks_At_Night, you seem to be your own "Doubting Thomas" here, I would have you fix that shit!

My opinion is the both of you have done and will continue to do excellent work as we approach Election Day:  The Final Terrible Tuesday.  This I believe!

I have once again said too much!

Thank you in advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

pate!!!!!! INCOMING!!! You gotta get the VEEP out!
« Reply #286 on: August 04, 2020, 08:39:52 AM »
pate, just saw this on GLP.  Asteroid headed right for K_Dubb's house man.  There is still time.  The Veep can be saved!


Text below for those that are GLP adverse.  Posted by one Bigdick_Ron at 1:24AM  8/4/2020. 

Quote
Info coming from ex-GF stationed at Travis AFB (1st Lt. 0-2 ISR)

Just got off the phone with her, came directly here to lay it out for you guys. She contacted me via text only with a numerical code for urgent matters that we used during the days of pagers (not 911) along with a number to call...a payphone of all things.

The news:

Thursday, 8/5 - Friday 8/6: Incoming Asteroid with U.S. Coastal Range Impact expected...affecting a range anywhere from Mid-Southern Alaska, to the San Francisco Bay Area. It's measured at nearly 230 ft wide, and highly probable that it breaks apart upon entry causing fragmenting ballistics with a debris field over 1,000 miles long. Their intel suggests that fallout could reach inland as far as Colorado, depending on what part of the Pacific it enters the atmosphere (and if it breaks apart). This is what they are wargaming for, as it is the most likely scenario...but the worst case scenario its that it doesn't break apart, and that there's a direct impact...where one of two things happen:

1) Ocean Impact - expect tsunami of 80-100ft high along a 700 mile radius of coastline, and 30-50 ft high on entire indirect west coast shoreline. Computer simulations state this as preferable of the two scenarios as a lot of the high coast cliffs and bluffs can withstand this type of tsunami with minimal civilian risk.

2) Land Impact - Complete devestation - possible earthquake trigger, toxic dust could, fires, power grid down (PG&E), National Monument destruction, Forest devastation, Tremendous loss of life, etc.

I asked why they are hoping for a break apart scenario over a direct hit to the ocean and she said because if it breaks apart, the debris field will be so wide and long...that most of the fragments would most likely be the size of a bowling ball up to a large home television, and would land mostly in unpopulated high desert regions.

She said...get this...it's trajectory is set to brush dangerously close with - if not impact and take out all together - the ISS...hence the recent departure and homecoming of our two astronauts.

This news and her contact came as a complete surprise to me, as we only stay in contact via social media, and VERY sparsely at that. I asked why she contacted me, and she said because she knew I'd do the right thing and get the word out. Other than a standard issue tsunami warning after the fact, there are no warnings being given to the public about this.

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #287 on: August 04, 2020, 09:11:40 AM »
Thatís hilarious.  They give a date range of 2 days, but a possible impact zone of 3000 miles on basically a north to south track (180 degree +/- 23 degrees because of the earthís tilt), so this thing must be traveling like 80-100 mph, which would then mean (because the earth is spinning at about 1000 mph) that any spot on the earth in the northern hemisphere would be a possible impact zone over a two day period.

The space station is about 350 wide at an inclination of 51.6 traveling at about 17,000 mph.  Iíll let you do the math to determine the possibility of a 240í rock hitting a 350í target when they are on two different trajectories.  Letís just say that the odds of Falkie winning the next Boston Marathon are much, much higher. 

But just to be safe, we should crank up HAARP and we if bulging the ionosphere can help deflect it down towards LA. That should fix some shit. At least in LALA land.

This is why Pate has chosen me as Secretary of Space. 

pate, just saw this on GLP.  Asteroid headed right for K_Dubb's house man.  There is still time.  The Veep can be saved!

Text below for those that are GLP adverse.  Posted by one Bigdick_Ron at 1:24AM  8/4/2020.

Quote
Info coming from ex-GF stationed at Travis AFB (1st Lt. 0-2 ISR)

Just got off the phone with her, came directly here to lay it out for you guys. She contacted me via text only with a numerical code for urgent matters that we used during the days of pagers (not 911) along with a number to call...a payphone of all things.

The news:

Thursday, 8/5 - Friday 8/6: Incoming Asteroid with U.S. Coastal Range Impact expected...affecting a range anywhere from Mid-Southern Alaska, to the San Francisco Bay Area. It's measured at nearly 230 ft wide, and highly probable that it breaks apart upon entry causing fragmenting ballistics with a debris field over 1,000 miles long. Their intel suggests that fallout could reach inland as far as Colorado, depending on what part of the Pacific it enters the atmosphere (and if it breaks apart). This is what they are wargaming for, as it is the most likely scenario...but the worst case scenario its that it doesn't break apart, and that there's a direct impact...where one of two things happen:

1) Ocean Impact - expect tsunami of 80-100ft high along a 700 mile radius of coastline, and 30-50 ft high on entire indirect west coast shoreline. Computer simulations state this as preferable of the two scenarios as a lot of the high coast cliffs and bluffs can withstand this type of tsunami with minimal civilian risk.

2) Land Impact - Complete devestation - possible earthquake trigger, toxic dust could, fires, power grid down (PG&E), National Monument destruction, Forest devastation, Tremendous loss of life, etc.

I asked why they are hoping for a break apart scenario over a direct hit to the ocean and she said because if it breaks apart, the debris field will be so wide and long...that most of the fragments would most likely be the size of a bowling ball up to a large home television, and would land mostly in unpopulated high desert regions.

She said...get this...it's trajectory is set to brush dangerously close with - if not impact and take out all together - the ISS...hence the recent departure and homecoming of our two astronauts.

This news and her contact came as a complete surprise to me, as we only stay in contact via social media, and VERY sparsely at that. I asked why she contacted me, and she said because she knew I'd do the right thing and get the word out. Other than a standard issue tsunami warning after the fact, there are no warnings being given to the public about this.

Two hundred seventeen, Terrible Tuesday
Code: [Select]
"OVER ARCHON" : "JEWELED ALIEN" : "TRIUMVIRATE ARCH" : "PLANK, DON'T RUN"
Consigliere WAN, thank you for bringing this to my attention!  I will now put on my crisis management hat, my POTUS/VPOTUS security detail hat and (most importantly) my "We are going to fix this shit" hat (Trucker stylePlain white frontRoyal blue "pate/K_Dubb 2020" text and bill;  Blood red "We are going to fix this shit" text and webbing;  1 EA).

-more to come on this very important message;  compiling, reseaching and editing-

STAND-BY

SecSpace Gravity, thank you for your attention!  I guess the "modify post" button doesn't work well at this miserable sewer of a Campaign HQ.  I will have to deal with this in real time!

Thatís hilarious.  They give a date range of 2 days, but a possible impact zone of 3000 miles on basically a north to south track (180 degree +/- 23 degrees because of the earthís tilt), so this thing must be traveling like 80-100 mph, which would then mean (because the earth is spinning at about 1000 mph) that any spot on the earth in the northern hemisphere would be a possible impact zone over a two day period.

The space station is about 350 wide at an inclination of 51.6 traveling at about 17,000 mph.  Iíll let you do the math to determine the possibility of a 240í rock hitting a 350í target when they are on two different trajectories.  Letís just say that the odds of Falkie winning the next Boston Marathon are much, much higher. 

But just to be safe, we should crank up HAARP and we if bulging the ionosphere can help deflect it down towards LA. That should fix some shit. At least in LALA land.

This is why Pate has chosen me as Secretary of Space. 

I wanted some independent confirmation on this, that will suffice.  Still we must consider VP K_Dubb's personal safety, as he is a key part of the Make America Pate Again plan!

I have contacts in Spokane, WA.

K_Dubb Attend:  I leave the issue of your personal safety up to you, if you feel like you need to be "on the ground" to assume control in the event of a disaster, by all means remain in your coastal lowland position.  But, as this crisis develops if you begin to feel uneasy, have assembled an appropriate ad-hoc crisis management team to leave in place, and perhaps just want to get out of town I can say with reasonable authority that Spokane, WA will be a safe location.

Barring any panic induced highway congestion, freak snows that close the overland passes to the east of you or any other unforeseen eventualities/causalities you should be able to make it to Spokane within the two days left for modern civilization as we know it.

That is all at this time, Carrie Anne.

Thank you in advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"


pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #289 on: August 04, 2020, 09:49:09 AM »

This is why Pate has chosen me as Secretary of Space.

I thought it was so that we could develop or lebensraum program.



I have contacts in Spokane, WA.



Monsignor, we need to activate the prime drop sites in Spocompton.  ASAP!

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #291 on: August 04, 2020, 09:52:14 AM »
...
But just to be safe, we should crank up HAARP and we if bulging the ionosphere can help deflect it down towards LA. That should fix some shit. At least in LALA land.
...

I approve of this plan.  Fix that shit, Grav!  For America!

Make America Pate Again.

Thank you in advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

Code: [Select]
"OVER ARCHON" : "TRIUMVIRATE ARCH"
Monsignor, we need to activate the prime drop sites in Spocompton.  ASAP!

Agree, generally;  as I am not quite sure what that means or which plum you selected for your leadership position.  Neither of those really matter, I believe your "husband" Jackstar is already pre-positioned to act as Forward Observer and site security in the SeaWA/PortWA area.  If you wish, and think it prudent you may proceed to SpokWA and begin making preparations on the FOB.  I leave the nomenclature of that FOB to your whims (orders:  Make it a snappy, funny and thoroughly patian one if possible, TIA!)

This is way more fun than discussing the boring Poll questions #4-6 that I had planned for today.

I must go and vote, for myself of course, as today is Primary day in my current location.  I have TWO states I must state my will in, lots of driving and logistics shit to fix for me!

Thank you in advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"



pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #293 on: August 04, 2020, 10:48:23 AM »
Great pate. It reflects well that you took quick and decisive action. At first I tended to agree with Grav in that the post was amusing. However the guy did offer up the number of the payphone used :  (707) 447-4702    It checks out: https://www.payphone-project.com/numbers/usa/CA/VACAVILLE/

Then of course one would hope that a guy that goes by Bigdick_Ron would definitely be getting the straight scoop from a uber hot, ex-GF 1st Louie.
The handle sealed the deal, the alarm raised and K_Dubb saved. 
   

pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #294 on: August 04, 2020, 11:45:06 AM »
Gonna be a lot of shit to fix in Beirut. I think we should send Noory as our ambassador.

https://twitter.com/borzou/status/1290675854767513600

Monsignor, we need to activate the prime drop sites in Spocompton.  ASAP!
To motivate K_Dubb immediate relocation to the Inland Empire. 
In Spokane:
-he can get a "Bag of Dicks." 
- Tordenskjold Lodge has a Lutefisk dinner and lefse making 
-C2C guest Capt Sweeney ("Ahoy") lives in Spokane and can advise the administration on maritime matters 




pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"
« Reply #296 on: August 04, 2020, 12:22:31 PM »
Gonna be a lot of shit to fix in Beirut.

It's all fun and games until somebody loses a population center. I'm checking on this shit--I don't think it looks like anything to me.

I think we should send Noory as our ambassador.

I will allow Sinistar to allow this. Sinistar is actually the most reasonable and understanding of stars. The new company policy on snacking has really turned things around in the future.

Right now, of course... looks like they could use some snacks in Beirut. Who could have seen that coming? I was too busy playing with my Wang.




Two hundred seventeen, Terrible Tuesday
Code: [Select]
"OVER ARCHON" : "JEWELED ALIEN" : "TRIUMVIRATE ARCH" : "PLANK, DON'T RUN"
Consigliere WAN, thank you for bringing this to my attention!  I will now put on my crisis management hat, my POTUS/VPOTUS security detail hat and (most importantly) my "We are going to fix this shit" hat (Trucker stylePlain white frontRoyal blue "pate/K_Dubb 2020" text and bill;  Blood red "We are going to fix this shit" text and webbing;  1 EA).

First of all, that hat sounds really cute.

Quote

-more to come on this very important message;  compiling, reseaching and editing-

STAND-BY

SecSpace Gravity, thank you for your attention!  I guess the "modify post" button doesn't work well at this miserable sewer of a Campaign HQ.  I will have to deal with this in real time!

I wanted some independent confirmation on this, that will suffice.  Still we must consider VP K_Dubb's personal safety, as he is a key part of the Make America Pate Again plan!

I have contacts in Spokane, WA.

K_Dubb Attend:  I leave the issue of your personal safety up to you, if you feel like you need to be "on the ground" to assume control in the event of a disaster, by all means remain in your coastal lowland position.  But, as this crisis develops if you begin to feel uneasy, have assembled an appropriate ad-hoc crisis management team to leave in place, and perhaps just want to get out of town I can say with reasonable authority that Spokane, WA will be a safe location.

Barring any panic induced highway congestion, freak snows that close the overland passes to the east of you or any other unforeseen eventualities/causalities you should be able to make it to Spokane within the two days left for modern civilization as we know it.

That is all at this time, Carrie Anne.

Thank you in advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

Dear future President pate and all, I am touched by the care with which this crisis has been managed.  Of course my first instinct is to flee in terror because that is always fun but I do not have any doggos at the moment and that is a long drive that should not be ventured without a tongue out the window.  Somewhere around here there is a fat lady who walks an adorable large black Shih Tzu (probably at least part Lhasa)  but, though I am sure an offer to rescue the pup from impending doom could hardly be misconstrued, my efforts to prevent her from hitching a smelly squawking ride in the back seat might be.

Here on the Best Coast we regularly feature in latter-day-Sodom disaster fantasies -- our own Space Force chief wishes for LA, for reasons that escape me because all those palm trees are beautiful and the men are very brown and fit -- and have learned to take them with a certain grace, which means getting the good booze out from under the counter and a lot of gleeful sodomizing so, though Spokane is always tempting but rather less so in August, I shall be "sheltering in place" here in the cool marine breeze, anticipating the festivities.  Er, I mean assembling an ad hoc crisis-management team to coordinate things "on the ground".

To motivate K_Dubb immediate relocation to the Inland Empire. 
In Spokane:
-he can get a "Bag of Dicks." 
- Tordenskjold Lodge has a Lutefisk dinner and lefse making 
-C2C guest Capt Sweeney ("Ahoy") lives in Spokane and can advise the administration on maritime matters

We of course have our own Dick's of what looks like similar vintage and tell the same joke.  This is where Grandpa used to take us for ice cream in the summer:



I do think that Tordenskjold Lodge would be fertile ground for my lecture tour on Nordic religion and baking but I shudder to think of what passes for kringle in those parts.

Here on the Best Coast we regularly feature in latter-day-Sodom disaster fantasies -- our own Space Force chief wishes for LA, for reasons that escape me because all those palm trees are beautiful and the men are very brown and fit -- and have learned to take them with a certain grace, which means getting the good booze out from under the counter and a lot of gleeful sodomizing so, though Spokane is always tempting but rather less so in August, I shall be "sheltering in place" here in the cool marine breeze, anticipating the festivities.  Er, I mean assembling an ad hoc crisis-management team to coordinate things "on the ground".

Well perhaps you can whip up a nice dark Pumpernickle?  You'll need the heaviness of the Rye to get you through the event.