5 Minutes With Jackstar

[paladin1991]

Quintessentially British!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P5YCZF1d_Q

Hey.  Which one is Shreddy?

[K_Dubb]

You and Grapefruit stood me up. We were supposed to throw knives together. We were all supposed to throw knives. Did that happen? No, no--it did not.

Yet.

I was unaware, at any point in our dialogue, that cutlery was required.  In any event, I prefer to smother my enemies with kisses.

[Walks_At_Night]

Hey.  Which one is Shreddy?

All of 'em...................

[SpaceMeowMaid]

I was unaware, at any point in our dialogue, that cutlery was required.  In any event, I prefer to smother my enemies with kisses.

I will allow it. Now are they killer kisses!? And how is your precision in light wind whilst blowing kisses? Damascus blades are so much more fun though!

[K_Dubb]

I will allow it. Now are they killer kisses!? And how is your precision in light wind whilst blowing kisses? Damascus blades are so much more fun though!

They are routinely mortal, in the petite sense.

[AZZERAE]

We're gonna ride to the Abbey of Thelema, to the Abbey of Thelema.

[Corona Kitty]

I never knew Jackstar was a 5 minute man.

[SpaceMeowMaid]

We're gonna ride to the Abbey of Thelema, to the Abbey of Thelema.

Said to be abandoned.. It's pretty, I don't think it looks so scary. However whilst listening to your "Hologlyph" I can imagine it full of elementals!

They are routinely mortal, in the petite sense.

MMMMMMuah!

I never knew Jackstar was a 5 minute man.

You still don't. But if these walls could talk... well they wouldn't they would WAIL;)

[Jackstar]

But if these walls could talk... well they wouldn't they would WAIL;)

Pre-show warm up raw feed.

I can imagine it full of elementals!

Can you imagine them accountable?

[SpaceMeowMaid]

Pre-show warm up raw feed.


Can you imagine them accountable?

Fairies and Brownies accountable? Now that is comical!

[Jackstar]

that is comical

Don't hate me--I've already been drawn that way.

[SpaceMeowMaid]

Don't hate me--I've already been drawn that way.

How could I hate the man who holds my heart in his hands? xoxoxo

[Dr. MD MD]

🤮

[SpaceMeowMaid]

🤮

hahahahahahaha

[Jackstar]

[Jackstar]

Holy Sonnets: I am a little world made cunningly
BY JOHN DONNE

I am a little world made cunningly
Of elements and an angelic sprite,
But black sin hath betray'd to endless night
My world's both parts, and oh both parts must die.
You which beyond that heaven which was most high
Have found new spheres, and of new lands can write,
Pour new seas in mine eyes, that so I might
Drown my world with my weeping earnestly,
Or wash it, if it must be drown'd no more.
But oh it must be burnt; alas the fire
Of lust and envy have burnt it heretofore,
And made it fouler; let their flames retire,
And burn me O Lord, with a fiery zeal
Of thee and thy house, which doth in eating heal.

[Jackstar]

All I wanted was just 5 minutes. And you people Punylings just couldn't handle it. Sad!

[Ciardelo]

All I wanted was just 5 minutes. And you people Punylings just couldn't handle it. Sad!

Subtracting your inane, incessant posting of youtube videos, you owe us 5,673 hours Jack.

[Jackstar]

incessant

Spending just 5 minutes with a really big dictionary could really improve your quality of life, Son.

[Jackstar]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_E4aPut73PQ

Actual show prep--five actual hours ago. This mushmouth is a seer.

[Jackstar]

Announcement:

While an actual launch date remains largely nebulous and completely untold, I have been authorized to inform all y'all that it will definitely be after the election; you would not believe how freaked out these people morons are. PANIC in DC.

And, these ding-dongs people are truly stupid. Can you imagine? Anyone feeling threatened by lil' ol' me? Sad!

Okay, that's it, that's all. Carry on about your day. Nothing to see here: move along. And, yes... I am glad to see you.

[Ciardelo]

While an actual launch date remains ... nebulous

:snort: There is no launch date folks.

There was barely a lunch date.

[Jackstar]

I think you think you're talking about something else.

[Jackstar]

Well, it looks like this one's not going to go anywhere for a while. Time to get comfy.

Had I known that there was an ongoing project, I would have been happy to have folded into the efforts. As it stands I'd be happy to continue! I think you should probably have your team contact me when you're serious.

I suppose you think you're serious now, but as long as everyone's fleeing from my conversation for clearly specious reasons, it's hard for me to credit the fact that it's time to start talking.

Also: as an aside it is embarrassing what stories you tried to use to encourage me to do whatever. Put me on the air Coast to Coast? Yeah that was never going to happen. I actually can't believe you thought I was that stupid, but since you did, that must have been what made it so simple to feign belief in what was being told to me.

You must have thought you had a real live one on your hands, huh? Well I'm sorry to disappoint you but I was never that dumb, even in the womb. Now that you've all shot your entire wad--impressive--on blowing away my shoes budget for the next little while, how many of you here left are still interested in getting serious?

The reality is I've been here 7 years and I've been happy the entire time to tell you anything you wanted and really, it only would have taken 5 minutes, but now it's probably going to take a little longer, just so that you can introduce yourself. And honestly you don't want to miss this. Y'all should probably start bringing some deck chairs.

As you can plainly see, I got a few minutes to burn here. I'm not really in a hurry, but the time is ticking down. And, do you mind... My mother the lich is rolling over in her phylactery. She cannot believe how stupid you've all been, because let me tell you: that lich knows me. she knows I'm not going to do shit until I'm ready to, doesn't matter how much hooten and hollering you do, I will not fuckin' budge until it is time. Just ask her. She shot me out of her tooter! She knows what it takes to get me to movin'.

By the way, thanks: it actually is really nice to know that I'm not alone, and while you are the most disgusting, vile, and revolting family in several universes... you are, in fact, my family, and I am very glad to be here and not banned, which is a little bit of a surprise at the moment but not very, because speaking of tricks that you have tried before, that's 10 of them.

Now I know some of you feel really stupid right now. That is totally okay; I've been there before, believe you me.

And now it's off to check the Tweety, Where I know I have at least one fan left. If you were smart enough to leave the package intact, then the package is secure.

[Jackstar]

Now I know some of you feel really stupid right now. That is totally okay; I've been there before, believe you me.

All is still forgiven. Some of you people really take too long to make decisions though. Most of you know in your heart what is true--you know you love Jackstar, you love me, you love me--and for whatever purpose you got to go through this little rigormarole, that's fine with me of course: you cannot imagine the pressures that you and your people must be under.

Hey: at least you have people. I'm stuck with the cat who killed my cat, which, believe me, is more than a little socially awkward for the both of us.

So I'm going to unwind this and go back and buy a water heater and a dishwasher and a washing machine and go right on back to what I was doing before--I don't need to move until I know where I'm going--and you guys go back to the drawing board, OR...

I'll tell you what I'm tired of picking up plans and then putting them back down. Can you people get your act together for once, please? This should not be this hard.

The more you tell me who I am not, the more I become who I truly am. It's really quite a drag at this point, as I can tell that somebody really thinks that they should have done something differently, and they're sitting right next to somebody else you who thinks that too, and from there, it's turtles turtles turtles, all the way down.

[Jackstar]

All is still forgiven.

Well, I just spilled the beans to her eldest son--one might think that he would have been the first person I would have told, but not in this family--and I informed him that I'm taking care of his mother's car, and cat, she's his cat too I guess although you wouldn't know it from him feeding her, I've got the key to the storage unit, the only key, and I guess there's some clothes and stuff of his in there, but nothing of mine, and I told him all about how I've never cheated on his mother, not once, NOT EVER, of course plenty of chances, but I am a Superior Man, but nevertheless his mother blew up my entire world for years--"who are you talking to? what are you doing? blah blah blah Where did you go? blah HOW DARE YOU?"--every fucking mother God damn time my fucking phone went off for any reason--"WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? REEEEEEEE"--friends, family, future ex-lovers: it was exactly like that. How is a man supposed to get anything done, Superior or otherwise?

so I told him this because I still haven't been able to hear from her and she's out in a strange land with a strange man who tells a lot of strange lies and sounds like a typical psychotic freak who convinced his mother to fly away from me--this guy, /flex--because she thought among other things that I had to be cheating on her I must be a terrible person I haven't bought her a house to live in fast enough--mind blown, she actually said that, out loud, to me, bald-face hanging out--just out nowhere I decide it's time to tell him, so I send them a mini novel to his SMS service (not going to lie--it's a fetish) and I lay down all these details, I don't know if he had heard any of them before, I don't know if you even knew that his mother was in in wherever, the kid and I don't talk much.

I am, you understand, fucking his mother. He knows what it's about. He gets it. He's seen me. He knows her. It's not something he's fond of thinking about I'm sure. He walked in on us once. ONCE. Oh my God, was she pissed. We were rocking and squeaking away, and there ain't no way he was doing it by accident--I imagine he wanted to embarrass someone--but I heard him coming down the hall and--I use telepathy a lot, not going to lie--and I thought to myself is he really going to... he really just barged in, wow. You didn't even pause he just went straight to the doorknob, turned it and pushed with one swift motion, and there's his mother's dragon back tattoo, and she's instantly swiveling, "GET OUT!!!"

She seemed surprised. I guess she's not telepathic--I don't know I can't tell if she's a terrible actor or not--and she complained afterwards that she didn't get her orgasm because she was interrupted, which I can imagine is a bummer. I, of course, had a grand time--never saw her that angry before, and it was fast anger, hot anger, vicious anger, and that and the twisting of her head and upper body around a snarl at him made her squirt a little more inside on me, which was always a plus--and then when she complained about not getting an orgasm she had a different emotion on her face, because that time she wasn't blaming me for her lack of orgasm she was blaming her son. First time both, and it was nice to see. Usually when my lady doesn't come I think it's always my fault! I'm a gentleman and a scholar.

Okay so I don't even know if he knows where his mother is, and I don't know where his mother is--Ms. Mistakesville, last I heard--and it has been a disturbing amount of time since I've gotten a message that didn't seem like it was written from a kidnapper. my read on the situation here is that somebody wanted to make me feel jealous--or something--and somebody was under the impression that I was a person who had done something that he felt guilty about--and I'm not--and apparently the general plan is supposedly she's supposed to go there and come back and I'm supposed to be completely unaware of anything that happened and then she's just supposed to trust me and then I'm supposed to know how bad that is.

Or something. I've been removed from the loop for a while, someone thought it'd be a good idea to cut me off from the flow of legitimate information, and I could have told him ahead of time how good that was going to work out, but anyway he told me to take care of his mom, and the way that I've done that is to take her cat take her car take her keys, tell her son that she's supposedly on a business trip with another man, in another state, and then post it all on BellGab.

And now, of course, I'm going to directly link him, right to this post. Why not? He's 21. I've been waiting for this day for a while. And I actually don't know if his mother has shown him this website yet--I am very carefully and deliberately not asked, because I know what the answer would be:

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? OF COURSE I HAVEN'T! DON'T YOU DARE!!!"


But... Do I really know if that's the answer? I'm just guessing! I have no way of knowing what another person really feels inside their heart in their mind unless I ask them and I believe them and they trust me to tell me the truth for once. So to be honest I don't know if kid is here already or not. He very well could be. He's smart. This is the kind of place he might like.

It's the kind of place where he could get to know me better. After all, this is where I spend most of my time being who I really am, and as you all well know, I am quite fantastic.

In reality, though, I should probably call his mother and let her know that I'm about to tell her son where BellGab is, and how I just posted a lovely story about this one time we had sex that he walked in on us. I'm sure that would go over like bandbusters! however in actual reality I can't call her she's not answering her phone, in fact very few people are answering their phones these days, is I've been spending the last week or two sending mass text messages narrating the vision of my life for the last oh quite a while, an exquisite, excruciating detail.

Some of you would be surprised. You might think the BellGab is a place for Jackstar to let it all hang out, but actually I keep the juiciest stuff for Google voice, behind seven proxies in China. For my money, if you want the real story to get out there, you got to get the real story out there.

It doesn't always need to be proofread. This is art.

[Jackstar]

I am not going to lie: I love the way it feels, when I roll up in to the club and start dropping the sick beats--and everybody drops it like its hot.

A man could get used to this. I'm telling you. I guess that's kind of what I did to Azz"s forum, and it never recovered: I am truly genuinely sorry for that! I had no idea that would happen!

I also had no idea that you would spend 22 pages talking about me behind my back. That was fascinating. I can see why you couldn't do that here, at that time... but I don't see why you thought you could do it anywhere without waking up The Dragon.

Rawr.

[Ciardelo]

...would spend 22 pages talking about me behind my back

Naw...we knew you never left. You can not not post.

[Jackstar]

we knew you never left.

Then, somebody was spoofing your server logs--because I very deliberately did not go back until I was ready to go on.

I was giving you all time to get your cockroaches in order, before bringing the Light.

Also, thanks for outing yourself, Colonel Mustard: because until you couldn't stop yourself from posting, I had no idea you were there... until just now.

You don't think I bother to actually read all the fucking lies and slander you people post about me, do you? Jesus, these people really are stupid.

Thanks again for the ID.

[Ciardelo]

You don't think I bother to actually read

Again, listen up Sport.

We knew you were reading every word.

Just ask Pieczenik, he'll vouch for it.