5 Minutes With Jackstar

[SpaceMeowMaid]

@JRabbit I understand,

Its ok maybe the 5g got to you or absinthe, or u been rfid chipped, or they took u sandbox away,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsmVgoXDq2w&list=RDr_GH6M7cUq4&index=15

Time traveling?

[Jackstar]

Time traveling?

I will have what he has had before he has it.

Any day of the week, except Fridays. It's like herding cats over here.

[SpaceMeowMaid]

I will have what he has had before he has it.

Any day of the week, except Fridays. It's like herding cats over here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uz9eLjO2BrA

[Jackstar]

https://youtu.be/vBkBS4O3yvY

[Dr. MD MD]

https://youtu.be/vBkBS4O3yvY

Good one!

[Jackstar]

https://youtu.be/qHp7ngBVnQs

[Dr. MD MD]

https://youtu.be/qHp7ngBVnQs

That 2! Infinite loop.

[Original Larry]

I could use one of those time machines, except maybe five minutes. I am a little old and not as fast as I once was.

[Jackstar]

« Today at 19:55:00 »

I could use one of those time machines

Gaining the necessary clearances is not for the faint of heart. I believe you could do it. Let me hold your beer. Cider. Whatever.

[Jackstar]

Gaining the necessary clearances is not for the faint of heart.

Now, imagine throwing all those clearances away. You're welcome.

I told you, I told you--I am here to help.


Meanwhile, I've just added "getting my own damned microphone" to my action list. None can say they're unwarned. C'mon, how bad could it get?

[Jackstar]

First post.

[Jackstar]

https://www.golden-dawn.com/eu/displaycontent.aspx?pageid=105-esoteric-orders

All of these modern psychological, mystical, and developmental interpretations of alchemy, however, have little or nothing to do with the true nature of alchemy, which remains one of the best-kept esoteric secrets in modern times. Even clear instructions for the "analogical" operations of alchemical laboratory processes remain by and large concealed.

There are many ways that alchemists have passed along their wisdom to other initiates, yet protecting it from revelation to the profane. Most classical alchemical texts and series of alchemical images, for example, refer to alchemical processes by analogy and Hermetic allegory, hiding their mysteries behind Hermetic symbolism. The folly of the Jungian psychological interpretation of alchemical images is the clearest demonstration of the effectiveness of this method of concealment. Regarding the occult nature of alchemy, the Jungians best prove the truth of the classical, alchemical maxim that "Neither torches nor glasses will help those without eyes to see."

There does exist, however, a second class of alchemical documents.

Fifth class is, you're fired. Those extra unemployment benefits are gonna be a boon for many. Or is it "to many"? Maybe even "too"? Oh look, trashy rhetorical queries. Yep, here comes the hall proctor. Like clockwork.

Ach, curses, foiled again. Don't worry Kids--we'll get you there. Just five minutes a day, that is really all it takes to ______ the cork, a far simpler operation than putting the stem on the ______.



Remember: you asked for this. Are you not vaguely entertained?

[Jackstar]

Ach, curses, foiled again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtMR524m0BM


Incidentally, for those of you not following along precisely--really, how could anyone? Have them hung out to dry in the rain immediately--my plans for an on-location live-stream are indefinitely on-hold, as it has been determined that it would be unfair to the other, less advanced media personalities.

Also, someone is sad about having been made. Who's an adorable sekrit kretin? Yes, that's right, you are. Don't sweat it, Kiddo--you ain't the first, but you might just be the last.



In any event: now that I have established dominance, We may continue.

[Jackstar]

OK, you are on. Demonstrate.

« 22:51:00 »

« 08:52:44 »

« 07:41:00 »


I'll take my answer off the air. These kind of wank-ass parlour tricks are really not my area, and I can't be bothered to interrupt my study cycle for practical jokes of this nature.

Nevertheless, the judges inform me that your... 'demonstration' counts as valid, and by the terms of the blah blah and the yadda yadda, I now must... date your mother? No, that can't be right. Must be another translation circuit error. I'll have someone down in Procurement get to work on that immediately. My apologies, they've been pretty busy with a back-up of orders for polyurethane.

Meanwhile, I'm late! I'm late for my fifth baptism! So much to do, so little time--perhaps someone can do something about that last part. Nautical Shore.

How about Hungarian Dance No. 5?

I'm thinking, a five minute explorative jazz odyssey featuring the bagpipes accompanied by your accordion. With Autotune, this can happen. I know a guy who knows a Mongol. Have your people contact my people. We can be live in Indonesia tonight.

@JRabbit I understand, [...] they took u sandbox away

See Kids--this is what happens when you buy the hype. Take my advice: don't buy the hype.

It's a diversion. Believe me, if there were an easier way, they would have let me do it that way instead of this, lol. No one likes this nova. (Company policy, retroactive)

[Jackstar]

Okay! Moving right along. I'm not going to lie, I love this gig. It's very satisfying on a personal level.

I'm getting the impression--none of you know what "a Keeper" is here in this context. Good, good. Because, Class--and, you do have class, don't sell yourselves short here--I haven't been asked, nor have I volunteered, so unless someone was, like, reading my mind against my will, no one could possibly know wtf I meant.

Security systems are so droll these days. Give up--resistance is futile.

I think one guy just gave up. Yay! Maybe two? I don't know how many angles get their wings, that isn't my area. But let's just say, the more one resists, the more one persists.

So. I'm going to take about five minutes for some personal time--that is not a euphemism, it honestly is quite tiring to keep this practice up for extended periods of time without at least resting my fingers and eyes, let alone, my massive, throbbing _________, so, I'm gonna need five minutes, because I clearly have put in the effort around here this morning.

Don't ask me to prove it. You wouldn't like me while I'm proving it. And then, you'd be wrong, and you wouldn't even have learned nothing, you would have simply been told. Look, ask over on EllGab, they have lots of time for that kind of thing there.

When I return, in about five minutes--give or take, this isn't Jack Parsons' Adventures in Rocket Science, honestly--I'll actually have useful, coherent information on what a 'Keeper' is in this context. I assure you, it's not what one thinks.

Also it's not what it was, as of about six days ago. I just got read in on this action this morning. You people think Mondays are rough? Try a Tuesday when Monday just fell into a time spiral. And I'm not even talking about time spirals, that's just a euphemism. In any event, stay tuned, I most likely will tell you the truth and watch you die of embarassment in about five minutes. Unless I made a typo? I can see why people prefer the pentagrams and the candles and the little fancy pointed sticks, I swear--this shit is exhausting. Even for just five more minutes.

From now.

[Jackstar]

Frantically working to publish.

[Jackstar]

Frantically working to publish.

The level of co-ordination required here is really quite extraordinary. It's like I'm in a tomato maggot quarantine zone, or something. Welcome to Amateur Hour.

[Jojo]

Not for the faint of heart. I believe you could do it. Let me hold your whatever.

Fixed it for you.

[Jackstar]

Fixed it for you.

Does it help you any, to know that you're almost exactly five hours... too late? I honestly can't tell if this is your intentional timing, or if it's your "I blew it" timing. Help me out here, I'm on vacation.

By the way, do you still have our PMs? I never saved mine. Company policy. But I'd like to see them again now! You can just take photos of the ones you have pasted to the inside of your locker door, if that's all you got, I'm not real picky here.

Fixed it for you.

It breaks again instantly. New company policy. You'll learn to deal with it soon enough. Meanwhile, how's your microwave treating you? I have a friend who is a doctor who will be interested in your apocryphal research. Tell us everything. Omit nothing.

[Jojo]

Does it help you any, to know that you're almost exactly five hours... too late? I honestly can't tell if this is your intentional timing, or if it's your "I blew it" timing. Help me out here, I'm on vacation.

By the way, do you still have our PMs? I never saved mine. Company policy. But I'd like to see them again now! You can just take photos of the ones you have pasted to the inside of your locker door, if that's all you got, I'm not real picky here.


It breaks again instantly. New company policy. You'll learn to deal with it soon enough. Meanwhile, how's your microwave treating you? I have a friend who is a doctor who will be interested in your apocryphal research. Tell us everything. Omit nothing.

Five hours late?  I work, later I get on, I surf, I find, I'm sick, I go to bed.
The microwave is fine, as long as I don't microwave plastic and as long as nothing gets stuck between the frame and door.
I didn't copy any PMs so whatever is in there is in there, but I don't have access.  Sorry.
You don't sound like yourself lately.  Are you on drugs?
I don't know what apocryphal research you mean, but I'm going to bed.

[Jackstar]

You don't sound like yourself lately. 

I don't have any control over how I sound to you. Perhaps you could read aloud what I write in a snooty, high-falutin' officious tenor? That might be as close as you need to get.

Are you on drugs?

Have we met? I am on Earth. Also, my companion animal was killed last year. Hey, you know what? Maybe I do sound a little different to you now. You are, after all, older.

Thanks for asking. Signed, Johnathan Wickerspoon, Ph. D., Esq., & Bearer of the Holy Chalice of IDGASRWF.


Extra Credit Questions:

Five hours late?  I work, later I get on, I surf, I find, I'm sick, I go to bed.
I'll allow your narrative.
The microwave is fine, as long as I don't microwave plastic and as long as nothing gets stuck between the frame and door.
You should try the thing with the sliced grape.
I didn't copy any PMs so whatever is in there is in there, but I don't have access.  Sorry.
Oh, thank God.
I don't know what apocryphal research you mean, but I'm going to bed.
Strictly speaking, all your research is apocryphal. However, no one is demanding that you publish. I do urge you to look into the thing with the single, nearly bisected grape.

As an aside, "single, nearly bisected grape" will be my future handle on Tinder, if I am ever so unfortunate as to have need of one. Fingers crossed.

[Jojo]

I don't have any control over how I sound to you. Perhaps you could read aloud what I write in a snooty, high-falutin' officious tenor? That might be as close as you need to get.


Have we met? I am on Earth. Also, my companion animal was killed last year. Hey, you know what? Maybe I do sound a little different to you now. You are, after all, older.

Thanks for asking. Signed, Johnathan Wickerspoon, Ph. D., Esq., & Bearer of the Holy Chalice of IDGASRWF.


Extra Credit Questions:

As an aside, "single, nearly bisected grape" will be my future handle on Tinder, if I am ever so unfortunate as to have need of one. Fingers crossed.

Sorry about your companion.  Was it hit by a car or got by a coyote?  Mine had to be euthanized for heart failure.

[Jojo]

I don't have any control over how I sound to you. Perhaps you could read aloud what I write in a snooty, high-falutin' officious tenor? That might be as close as you need to get.


Have we met? I am on Earth. Also, my companion animal was killed last year. Hey, you know what? Maybe I do sound a little different to you now. You are, after all, older.

Thanks for asking. Signed, Johnathan Wickerspoon, Ph. D., Esq., & Bearer of the Holy Chalice of IDGASRWF.


Extra Credit Questions:

As an aside, "single, nearly bisected grape" will be my future handle on Tinder, if I am ever so unfortunate as to have need of one. Fingers crossed.

I've never knowingly met you.
My research is not apocryphal - I seldom present much research, JS.
As for the grape, I don't understand but please spare me the details.

[Jackstar]

You don't sound like yourself lately. here's an idea: Read all of your posts that you've made here from the very first up to the last most recent, and take notes on how you have improved as a human being ever since.

I know that you have a busy schedule of listening to George Noory and believing that you're sick, but after the last year I've had, my sensitivity about people who don't seem to have enough time seems to have rather dissolved.

Also I have decided I really need your private messages back. I'm going to need those in order to correlate some data points.

Hey, look at us. Who would have thought?

[Jackstar]

As for the grape, I don't understand but please spare me the details.

There is fire involved. It becomes ignited. I really can't get much more vague than that, BATFM.

However if you would like to continue to be vague and non-committal, you're welcome to go on back to whichever assignment they pulled you off of. I'm sure it was fascinating and you were almost about to make a break.

Please, don't let me stop you.

[SpaceMeowMaid]

Five minutes would be more than I could stand at this point. Don't bother if you have ANYTHING and I do mean anything.... (scraping gum off the sidewalk comes to mind)... better to do.

[Jojo]

There is fire involved. It becomes ignited. I really can't get much more vague than that, BATFM.

However if you would like to continue to be vague and non-committal, you're welcome to go on back to whichever assignment they pulled you off of. I'm sure it was fascinating and you were almost about to make a break.

Please, don't let me stop you.

JS, I don't know what BATFM means. I don't have "assignments" - I'm just a targeted individual.  What makes you think I was pulled off? 

I've been vague and non-committal about nothing.  What are u talking about.

[Jojo]

You don't sound like yourself lately. here's an idea: Read all of your posts that you've made here from the very first up to the last most recent, and take notes on how you have improved as a human being ever since.

I know that you have a busy schedule of listening to George Noory and believing that you're sick, but after the last year I've had, my sensitivity about people who don't seem to have enough time seems to have rather dissolved.

Also I have decided I really need your private messages back. I'm going to need those in order to correlate some data points.

Hey, look at us. Who would have thought?

When I said you don't sound like yourself, I meant it.  Yes, we all grow, but you aren't making sense like you used to.  You've started using ten times more words than usual.  I think you've been hacked because you haven't said one thing that makes sense in ages.  And the change was sudden.  I think you're abusing some substance.

What do you mean "believing I am sick"?  I caught a bug in March & it's become a bit unmanageable.  I'm also employed FT but lost some days to sickness, so what's your problem?

"I  have decided I really need your private messages back".  Talk to Liberace because I have no access - I already told you that yesterday. 

[Jackstar]

Don't bother if you have ANYTHING and I do mean anything.... [...] ... better to do.

[attachment=1]


Look, see? Ye were warned. She warned ye! Is she a keeper, or what?

(scraping gum off the sidewalk comes to mind)

A guy once offered to let me invest in this exact business once. Once. It didn't get off the ground, however. Haha. Get it? Yeah, I know, not very funny. I'm kinda spent at this point, I'm not gonna lie.

[Jackstar]

JS, I don't know what BATFM means.

It was a joke, the implication being that you actually work for the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Marijuana. As most of us know, there is No Such Agency.

Yet.

I don't have "assignments" - I'm just a targeted individual.

Sure, you're targeted... and then you targeted me. Flattered!

What makes you think I was pulled off? 

I was implying that you have a handler who pushes you around. Of course, as you know, you do not; so really, only a joke that is funny to me and you. And really, just me, as I don't think you'll find it all that funny, even after I've explained it to you. So really, just funny for me. But, twice! And so, well worth the cost to my personal street cred.

I've been vague and non-committal about nothing.  What are u talking about.

#1) Actual spit-take.
#2) Use of "u" instead of "you" noted. DISQUALIFIED.

Grading the presented trifecta continues. Is this going to take less than 5 minutes? Perhaps, but only if I don't edit for spelling.

When I said you don't sound like yourself, I meant it.

It means something that you're able to note the difference. Frankly, I suspect the dwindling remnants of this forum's population couldn't discern any difference between this post and my very first! You, however... oh yes, I am sure you do notice a change!

Allow me to present you with two queries. One, did you know that I'm a Gemini? And two, which part of the grieving cycle do you think I should be expressing less of around you, so as to represent more of myself that you experienced before? There are five possible answers here that you may construct a limitless narrative with: have at it. There are no wrong answers here.

Yes, we all grow, but you aren't making sense like you used to.

Well, I certainly hope not, given that I've begun to implement my Master Plan. It wouldn't be all that impressive if I just seemed to be the same after crossing the Rubicon, now would it?

You've started using ten times more words than usual.

Don't take this personally; there are simply a whole lot of people who are listening ten times less than they ought to. Also, I had this much vocabulary the whole time, and was honestly just sandbagging it. Again, don't take it personal--do you even know, what this site even is? Ugh. In any event, there's a simple way to get me to use less words: charge me by the letter.

I think you've been hacked

No, it's actually me. Hi! Do you need a microwave? I have one here, barely used. It hardly had anything to do with my mother's death, she was toast before I even plugged it in. Now, I know I've become much more insulting and abrasive in public; this is quite by design, I assure you. Think of it as a desperate cry for help if that pleases you, Lord knows, most of these mooks and m0m0s here have assumed as much.

Hacking my online presence wouldn't do much at this point. "Take my wife--please!" Yeah, they're desperate enough to try for a bioweapon planetkill and to run Joe Biden for President--but taking Jackstar's wife? No one has the sack to mess with that banshee Hell, I can assure you.

Also, an unknown number of people have been led to believe that I've gone and killed myself some twenty-five years ago. I suddenly start showing up in odd places and behaving in a strangely non-online fashion, stories start unravelling faster than a Weezer VH-1 "Behind The Sweater" documentary. Let's just not go there.

because you haven't said one thing that makes sense in ages.

This is because, while the content I provide here is done freely, as per the terms of usage on this site... the lexicon required to discern any meaning behind what I post, is now locked away from all kith and ken. It did not use to be that way--it used to be, there was a trail of breadcrumbs of some kind, somewhere.

Now, it's no more bread, no more crumbs, just full-on crypto-fascism and enough chaos magick to keep the algos spun up. I can't probably keep this up for more than another, oh... perhaps three years? I mean, I have been here for quite some time. It's amazing how much material there is to delve into when one has been quietly, mostly, non-committal and desirous to keep a low profile. Personal attacks notwithstanding.

There's a song about this exact dynamic. If you can guess what it is, I'll grant you a special boon, M.

And the change was sudden. 

Well, you know how it is: one day you're a girl, the next day you're a girl who suddenly understands why the advantages of cotton are extensively discussed..

I think you're abusing some substance.

I think you're abusing yourself. Shall we have a dance-off to see who's more correct? I know someone who can judge.

What do you mean "believing I am sick"?

This is a fallen world. You're.... how old? Don't answer here, Twenty-Nine. In any event, not many meatsuits live long on this rock without coming up with some ailment... but is that "sickness," or is that "scarred from assault and insult"? Really, that's up to you and your own perception.

Anyway, I'm not a medical doctor--far from it--so don't get the impression I think you should just change your beliefs and then not be sick any more. O no. You're gonna be "sick" whether you believe it or not at this point. You've convinced me. You have convinced us all!!

Who's side are you on, anyway? That's right, by your own admission, the side of a sick person. There's a consent issue in here someplace, but it's really not my area! Good luck with that.

I caught a bug in March & it's become a bit unmanageable.

http://www.apex-water.com/
Try this, and let us know your results. Tell us everything. Omit nothing.
Or, not! Just a suggestion!

I'm also employed FT but lost some days to sickness, so what's your problem?

The shadowy forces that are busy trying to backpedal away from having worked behind the scenes at horse-trading me, are now steadfastly claiming that a "stallion" isn't covered under the definitions they were using before when "horse-trading" and now are disappointed that I am invoking kanly.

It'll work out in the end--it's really just an issue of dialect--but as I am finding myself in a unique leverage position, I'm simply... making the moist of it. It's just metaphor, or more accurately (and certainly more politely) an allusion.

"I  have decided I really need your private messages back".  Talk to Liberace because I have no access - I already told you that yesterday. 

Aye, indeed--and thank you kindly for that. Now, in truth, I don't "need" those messages back at all. I remember them quite clearly, as well as the feelings of puzzlement and wonder that accompanied them!

Similar feelings of "puzzlement" and "wonder" were aroused, months back--was it years?--when people started crying about the "Private Messages" feature being removed. I thought it breathlessly amusing, given that I already knew:

#1) "private" messaging? Yeah, dream on, Peasants;
#2) Those are all gone? What a relief, temptation banished!

Now, meanwhile--time has moved on. I've seen people complaining about it, and offered up a sensible chuckle to my immediate environment, and not really anything else, as I know that the "Private Message" feature on my forums is a matter of some delicacy, intimacy, and privacy. Having none of those left for myself--they all got burned out to the roots back in 'Nam--I haven't been very interested in weighing in on the matter.

However! Now that you're here--now that you're back!--this seems like a fine point to put pressure on Lee over. I mean, why not--you don't have anything to hide, right? Let our private messages spill out into the streets, the underclasses will... oh bother, I can't remember how this part goes. I'll go Joogle it up, brb.

**Joogling occurs**

*ahem* Let me start over, let me be clear how I feel about our private messages, and indeed, how I feel about all my private messages: let them spill over into the schools and churches, let the questions pile up in the chat windows. In the end, they'll beg me to explain what I'm talking about.

Yes, I'm the first to admit--doesn't sound very likely, eh? Then again, that's what I thought when I heard that my mother's lawyer's lawyer was leaving the country because of bat soup, and his calls were being forwarded to "Adam _____." At that point, "probability" didn't seem all that relevant anymore. And now, look at us! Who would have thought, right?

Anyway, I'm not interested enough to go find them on the dark web, for sale to the sleaziest bidder--because I don't have to. You say you don't have them, I say I don't have them--that's good enough, right?

Well, we'll just see about that. This took way, way longer than five minutes, by the way. I think perhaps fifteen? Well, whatever, totally worth it. Grading: suspended.

Now, in recognition of how much trouble you've put me through over the years: this is the last time I deign to write to you with Reddit Spacing. Trust me, you'll like it better when the spacing is targeted. Or, don't trust me, that's fine too! I'll be honest--I no longer care at all. But, I'm still cautious about those microwaves.


Having said that, I can now go into your thread and see what time has left for me to comb over. It was off-limits before, which wasn't exactly "company policy," I just thought it would be polite. For me.