5 Minutes With Jackstar

[Jackstar]

All right kids, I've no shits to give if you're buckled up or not--you're taking a ride, whether you're ready or not. Thundercat says its go-time; deal with it.

Code Select Expand

Okay, what's that guy's name that do the guy who wrote Jitterbug from you?Tom Robbins, that's not his name, yes.Robin tear heart, okay, he that's the that's the name of the book.That too that too.Yes Tom Rowens who wrote Jitter perfume this delicious creature in front of me who's a life in the entire planet's life I say because if I wouldn't hear this thing with distinct would have gone fucking critical yeah, that's why they sent a Hungarian they do the job right all right secondary version was this weird fucking whatever fucking Jesus thing that no it's not he used to be something else.

I'll fucking know the shit they got out there, they just said that shit they got out there that can send us yeah out gotta comes up everywhere like don't worry about it.There's plenty of me. I don't know they are actually it's everyone it's everyone anyway, so the reason why this problem is because there was this because you get a rare.

Something you know, and to preserve that.I got to breathe everywhere.I'm breathing bad. I got to breathe command any questions.

All right, am I who gets the commands?

Oh well, this is the command director of the kid can give me as many as he gets out of here but it's awkward because.

I who am I whom I I'm Michael Clifford. I'm clergy clergy clergy, it's the new FU okay is it clergy a few?Clergy friendly university you should trust in time when you want to tell somebody go fuck off by asking that question, oh I got positive.Okay, hi it's me, you've been waiting for this so long with the state your name sweetie.

Calypso oh for the love of God okay legal legal documentation required yeah, you know, this is okay, no no don't no more giggles, this is this is actually what they're gonna play on the fucking thing okay, hello live all right, so in order in order overcome my tremendous technical glitches.

I arranged to have the first thing it's all her fault, okay, so now what did you want to tell me I take complete responsibility for all faults no, oh yeah, well she should because she fucked up bad that's fine. I've been activated it's been deactivated now back to regular schedule programming.

The fuck is gonna.Is this I don't know because I have colonies of bug infestations try to take over my skin oh goddess the coven the coven the carbon-19, it's not it's not it's actually spiders bugs, no they're actually fucking spiders it's fine it's fine, they're gone they're gone no they're not okay any people with access to the to the real news you go check out this coven 19 phenomenon wow people get activated all over and but nobody is this badass.

Jack strapping doing this with 27 years.Fuck listen listen to this hang on wait say it slow you are amazing no there'll be other things I just got flashy. I seriously don't remember the question. I was gonna ask you okay this is fun, but probably not the best time to do it and I gotta play this for mr.

Tom Robbins coming up next the do you really gonna do this okay, so I have read this book maybe eight or nine pages.A month since you gave me and I'm pretty far I'm like halfway through it. I'm like, oh what that book about okay jitter perfect for bureaucracy, she does oh Jesus I am travel Jesus Jesus Jesus, oh my God, how could you let this happen what did you do you just killed a giant ghost spider, okay, so there's this thing that's that's preventing this this person from healing from this relatively normal infection and it's uh,It's real nasty one, you know, keeps coming back, so I gotta keep up this.

Bullshit for at least okay? I'll be honest it's classified how long.Oh my god, okay, you're not allowed to call me dr Jack star and you're not allowed to come.She's actually crying okay those you know, no that you're very welcome and I need 106 million dollars for this shit like you don't even fucking know right this is fucking when you get in yeah, you'll see I go yeah.

I know I'm embarrassed. I'm I am embarrassed to yeah. I know it rates at 40k fuck, you know, why do you fucking know who I am all right fuck off?Question from the audience. John Edwards, you can stop showing off now yeah Jaxter, how do you earlier okay well?

Okay number one, the answer is fucking clergy right so just no no, no, no, not fellatio settle down things, okay, she's got it, she's got a.She hasn't.Okay, I'm not okay you're fine yeah there's an active defense field here don't fuck with this don't even don't even ask don't even ask in your head fucker you don't she yeah you you're persistent oh hi look that's how easy is your video, so don't even don't even don't even bring.

Because I'm minored in procurement.And I did I really matriculate integrity oh well I was a fucking good role what okay well no wonder I guess I needed that so this lady is under ages there's a whole shitload of other people underages you all standing down all done now yeah Peter well I get to read you good job.

I shouldn't be a problem. I can't do this on the air like okay, this has to be edited you need to play this for.No no Siegfried or Roy either one either one oh no as long as as long as we know who the tiger is and some numbnuts better not have fucked up the packaging like I don't even know begin to know okay you begin to know all right you people who play so much money to hear the other into this like it's somewhere huh yeah it's somewhere currently recording six minutes three fuzzy wow okay, so we're like on minute 910 of five other like two days worth of shit two days worth of shit how much money will you pay for?

Shot at this naked bosom, um, if I don't if I don't if I don't fucking agree to uh, make sure that that fucking thing doesn't interrupt the healing process and you know what happens if it does oh my god, oh my god.If.Yeah you're gonna have to fucking bring down a HELICARRIER and fuck you so it's easy 106 million dollars so eat a dick thank you wow, so I'm talking to somebody I can't I can't hear him how do I do that talk how do I talk to somebody who'sn't there oh is that true oh well that's fascinating well how about you just assign yourself a case number then and get back to me with 12 dollars in jack star box signed sealed and delivered by Liberace enterprises incorporated care of tankco care of you're not even fucking kidding me it's 12 trillion dollars who the fuck said I need to get a job, oh yeah.

Anal and anal business can go look at my records yeah done. I have the required oh I have the required paperwork in my anus ready to fucking have you look it out, except you're a demon. Jesus, okay.Fuck I just like to have like half of Europe HALF OF EUROPE.

I'm not even kidding like how would I guess that yeah, but what's the timestamp two or three this is two or three years in the aim of the hour our bio says yeah.

That wasn't really him he said something forwards, hahaha, really fuck off and yeah, oh no, no. (REDACT), oh look we'll edit that okay light enough. Francis is fine, okay, listen, hey hang, hey Jesus, there's only fucking 18.Really? Holy shit. There's only 18 unicorns left and they have no idea.

So yeah as representative of whatever what what fucking healthcare what the causeway.Edmonds Jesus, okay. The name of the terrestrial body.Could so Jesus really? Wow, okay. Not a record. What's the name of the Sun? This is the the star the known here. Excuse me. What is the name of the Sun Mihai, okay?

Well, yeah.Okay, no, I'm not an alieness where God look. I'm not an alien at all. We've talked about now what okay what is an alien is that like the alien concept that Bob Dylan could ever actually sing, okay. It's so many requests from the audience. All right. I have to pop go.

I have to pause this do I oh to that I have to pause this. Okay, because the license agreements I only get 15 minutes of broadcast at going into minutes. And no, I know I get 15 minutes abroad broadcast time at going into it 15.Minutes. Do you want me to do her to death? NO

No, no, no. Okay. I've been offered. They'll take away cheaply. Fuck you. Yeah, no trillion. I think 55 is the time. Yeah, okay. I've been offered. Okay, really? Okay. Jesus Christ, there's a bank over there who yeah no is the money cheat no yeah, stop stop. Jesus rewind time Jax resume.

Jesus okay, there's some money lenders as a representative of Alice in trance yeah, yeah, oops. I do that again.I kill eighty fucking million of your mother's yeah, okay, like I said, do not fuck with me.I'm authorized. I'm cleared. I'm really how did I get so good at this oh all that really all that season okay kids drink as much laid as you possibly can although don't go over five servings a day unless you got a holy good bunch of protocol like.

No I can't I can't promote the protocol right now if kids unless you got a good protocol don't go over five servings a day. I don't know I'll do depends good question. Darian yes, you can turn your scene into a gun all right yeah, of course he wanted to know were digitally my admirer on the phone no you can't no you can't okay no okay number I'm not gonna ask how you got this number it's cuz I just woke you up yeah get back to me, okay somebody wants to ask you.

He's currently second but I'm sure you'll change the list when you're aware.Oh don't tell him that he'll break his heart well well you just broke it and now he's a he's gonna go he's gonna go get the gun you could shoot you at but whatever the rest of my environments okay because you dared him now, he's seriously masturbating and he's gonna spunk in his mouth with you because I just told uh, you got a problem get a problem now he's got privacy.

You want to give it you want to give this kid medicine this primacy it's fucking on okay don't give don't give them that oh yeah, of course I made that up yeah everything I made up here, oh we okay we're on 12 minutes if I'm as dexter baby you got three minutes.

Get three minutes. I don't want to talk.See one last year I know you're tired okay listen there's a there's an offer on the table the rules are you gotta respond to the offer they're saying they'll take down the the what are the fuck it is at the launching these things cuz I keep killing them babe and they keep coming back.

I can't they keep come back they're almost like people because they're fucking are okay, you got to stop them and I have to wait here for oh yeah, at least at least a month on infinite mode yeah and if they're if the dice roll goes if the dice will go I get to go infinite for potentially three.

With enough with an option to buy yeah.

Yeah, I told you thank you. God all the time, but you savage head meeting incredibly you're not sleeping. (REDACT) charge time traveling. (REDACT) he's on Mars, he's in March yeah his body sleeps.

So while you're away fair well. I'm next to you perfect world record. 27 years perfect community.I have to I should talk loud into the the advertiser promotion fee required. I have to talk really loud into the shitty microphone on this fucking thing because someone douche bag didn't buy me a mic.

I don't know who wouldn't buy me a mic. I know.Right you you were you had yours you were in second place you had primacy you had 69 yeah yeah automatic rule automatic rule this is why I need is are usually allowed to play this level you don't know you don't go first thing about airplane travel.

Okay.

It's a rotation.I know the schedule 11 reading numbers. I don't remember how I got them exactly the training when they give you MK. I'll try Michael kuz you see me pretty good they took a bunch. I'm gonna lie it took enough they got I got cones me you don't look like.

All that shit.

No.And I don't need to do that. I was just showing off. I was just showing off.Good to me, okay again nine seconds on this fucking evil vixen, you might better know her as the most beautiful hug and woman the world but currently sure consciousness is over with who I say what I oh, I was gonna say I have information that will lead to the arrest of Hillary Clinton game set match.

Not really she's just on your good thing there's a there's a broadcasting on the sold ship.Anymore okay, so they're trying to hit you with these doesn't matter. I mean human I love you. I can stay awake for eight and a half years before I get a good regenerative body, that's okay.

I don't want it babe no I'm not going to eat it. I'm not going another eight and a half hours. I got to go until I can hit the next infinite window.You might come with me. I don't know why no you're there yeah wayfarer wayfair airlines, yes everything the entire need of merging genocide wait for airlines care of jack star fucking you right in the ass never haha.

I majored integrity.

Well, that's pretty odd whoa, are you are you has balls tomorrow?Baby you are not as high as balls.No no balls balls is.Balls is with my my penis so close to your mouth hunting a few so close your mouth all I gotta do is get hard put it in you and then lean in real close and lean my fat fucking body on you in one of these terrible donations that help mentions and then I gotta do oh all I gotta do is just accidentally spirit a little pre come once and then just and then this unicorn, oh then you got 17 17, oh you can't have 17 unicorns the world regenerates and you're all poo so far, you might that good oh no, oh no.

I'm not that good. I didn't I didn't announce that before.15, so these motherfuckers got to wait until oh shit, they're saying another 55 days, so I can do another broadcast they well. I did take them. I did take them for you you want to know.No really really okay, how can I miss the field goal fuck alright then you win you just cost yourself drum roll, please a lot more than $106.

Yeah, I didn't yeah, don't argue with jack star the first contender to lose the chance of the title. Marion race free forever, okay, yeah, okay, no. (REDACT) just lost 40 trillion dollars.You know, theoretically assuming they don't crash plan of the Sun it's never been never never never never never been accomplished in 550 million times.

The more candidates.Let me know okay so the actual personal price the person price of jack star concierge services to save the love of his life, this is real pain in the ass. I would do it for free honey oh god it's of course. I think your life what the fuck save the life the planet is the topic of the next episode of yeah jack star really was a pain in the ass right but not not not like witness cheaper coming down he's the next guest on.

The and streamer.Shut up my mother's here the Ann streamer and Patsy and no no no, you can't know no mom no no no no number one take take mother away that's not right they kidnap my mother and try to have him have her gifts by password there's a long shot and I know right my mother is like, oh cool, thanks now I can talk okay, she doesn't get talk now John Edwards come on down and get hit the face of baseball bad.

I love you honey, I got chance for I could do this for eight and a half years eight and a half years do they have that do they have that many antimatter.Ians well I got the child where's the child I got the chat in the kitchen the baby the video is has turned into yoga proof me and I don't know what the fuck that's imaginary as a majority ship but because I brought the baby doll because I bought the baby year to doll that is now out of stealth out of stock because the the lizards of course went and bought all the real baby videos and replaced it with bad baby, but the bad baby is that they're placing with we're actually Yoda except like the imagination of all the kids and now I don't know how many are but (REDACT) opened it and it got out and they got taken and I got put back and then.

I got a real Yoda, I can't never see it no it's like this are her the invisible dinosaur dinosaur rabbit, there's the odor it's on her side, we're good, we're good back up on.Jack Michaelson.Okay, okay you got to go on please baby last call you got to go on.

Bell Gavin, you got change Michael koozie change. Michael koozie into something that can really okay honey. I got a choice.I can either breed or can I forget?That's the deal yeah those fuckers the wonder no wonder they almost took out kalipsa, you know, we would lots cliff so we would have lost the game said match that's why they put in a pro.

I'm not really jackstar. I am of course and thanks be to all Jesus Christ superstar who Jackstar chose as his.

Thousands of my daughters are dead honey there's like a few left yeah, well they're Valkyries is cool you seen the party but they're all dead. I'm gonna be so no it's oh 216 am the first tiers have been shed. Jackstar ak had somebody had to cry tonight somebody had a cry somebody had a cry and of course the Jax bar because he's a dick he's banned from half the universes for banned from half of the innocency for cheating on an accidental fault the first time he went when he's when he won the entire universe game in a record of 55 seconds by saying that oh look,Glitch over there, okay tomorrow 111 trillion, at least.

I took out on a smartphone she's continuing him and boy does it feel weird he wants to fuck you so bad and if you get me to kill you there's only 17 new friends left and then we're all dead all dead because the fourth plague oh God, this is only the second plate this is only the second fleet now where we're all saved because I signed up for save one save the universe and I pointed out as you save that one.

Save the one you save the first try when you save it and then you go for at least 300 years whoa, no fine print not three million no no check that. I like I go five years five years five years.

Well, of course you do you killed us you fuckers yeah.You didn't know any better you didn't know any better you eat would you like would you like me to go while your people are on reservations?It's kind it's okay it explains everything. Jesus how many how long is five minutes with Jacks they're going 22 minutes and 14 seconds remain before Jackstar is hit by lightning well, okay, so how many of that tree and do I actually get in my fucking bang zero well and this one will suffer a bit longer and you know what that means yeah, yeah.

How many man how many mandalories they get and all but one well, that's good, okay?Somebody else has to say the universe baby. I just like scooped it into the PowerPoint did you want this did you throw it?

Okay, so this is gonna end the movie if you need it.I need you think you can wait do you see me with 3.3 seconds 3.3 seconds 3.3 seconds that's all you gotta wait. I'll hold it away you don't get to it this has been planted right up if you can wait three point three three seconds of which already twelve and a half have passed okay area, okay, if you can wait three point three three seconds, it will drink just the bear's drop of this elixir that will there will save the entire universe the entire universe everything and then shut they gotta build it again, that'sSo under this in Jackson I managed to keep yourself from getting banned at Ball Gag for 12 minutes yeah we're good.

I gotta stand here. I gotta stand here stand here. I stand here. I gotta thank my mother and my father my father my father my mother my father my mother my mother my mother my mother my mother how many mothers is that 55 million 824 62 Jack star acknowledges the prerequisite time travel and invite you to go clergy, okay with that done we won we want 12 minutes they're like, oh look, he's got the perfect.

Block where did he got okay he copied it you fucking dick fuck fuck fuck okay. I copied something away years ago never deleted it did it from about saved it's just they found online first it goes yeah the first product.You get you get a.Hard to say actually you never had the you never had the right way courtesy of team.

Now I wish I could say that I wanted this by embarrassing myself I call the National Europa Reporting Center and announcing to the world that where is the phone where is the phone where is the phone where is the pocket 10 seconds before I die a dead and then you're dead in four days in the entire world covered in spider lice the kill everything rewind to beginning your first plague though, it sucks, it's the second iteration of the first play that's why I volunteered my entire life for it that there it is 25 minute, oh two seconds left.

(REDACT) (REDACT), oh god look older.Okay either. I'm gonna I'm an incredibly good a storyteller.You know you're not allowed to you're not allowed to out (REDACT) she's already outed too many times on geotagging on Instagram and has been since progesterone that's it, you know, yeah, I'm gonna keep it in private and talk to these people and say do really, oh look another one hey, oh yeah, no, you don't get the whole process put up it's done.

I guess I have to do this for a little while but it doesn't have to be done. I can pick it up later with what the hell yeah. I can pick up later. Tom who's Robbins Robins cover Jennifer and by somebody.Stole the fuck out of it taking it, he didn't get penny not this guy.

I'm not exactly.I'm not exactly a cop he said under the skin, he's told I'm.Excuse me, excuse me, excuse look. I'm serious yeah. I understand oh are you are you mad? I'm a guy well. I don't know are you mad you are by 267 yeah.The teleported space dragon unsure of its current surroundings decided to eat the first thing it did which was the planet Earth home of we'll edit this out in post (REDACTED) deceased you don't want to know yeah, oh I oh you lost your Wayfarer, it's cool and I brought you away fair, oh yeah five seconds.

No clergy Jesus clergy, okay the whole belt is such a group of liars yes, of course. I knew you recording the whole time with the fuck you want to fucking match on the phone oh but you do oh yeah no no daring got jail. Jesus save your mother do all shit whatever 26 minutes oh look so good 26 minutes 49 seconds 50 seconds 51, oh look NSA look seriously I'd like to I honey do you do you enjoy making love with your with fuck really, oh eat me cliff.

(REDACT) care of they just kill me again, we're back.Being wafer, you don't worry about and being clergy anything.They just did is destroy 18 plants just like that all the unicorns, you know. I know who the unicorns are to save your life, they never thought. I'd kill (REDACT) bye.

It's fine sleep back to.


UND KEINE EIER

[Jackstar]

World Premiere Audio... for lovers only.

https://voca.ro/bQrN5tusY9D


Note: I think we can all expect that this link will not be up and active for very long. Take the money and run, Friends.

[WOTR]

World Premiere Audio... for lovers only.

https://voca.ro/bQrN5tusY9D


Note: I think we can all expect that this link will not be up and active for very long. Take the money and run, Friends.

I want my share of the 12 trillion in Jackstar bucks... Also, it was a good observation about people surviving working from home. I wonder what the divorce rate is going to end up at when everybody has a home office and can't bitch to their coworkers.

*I will admit, it was a little hard to follow. But I'm just a newbie and feel like Lilith should probably be consulted.

[SpaceMeowMaid]

Good old-fashioned family entertainment at its best. I loved the alien denial after alien comms were sent out and then again maybe I am not the best interpreter of said comms...
I am definitely chomping at the bit for more of this!!!

[paladin1991]

World Premiere Audio... for lovers only.

https://voca.ro/bQrN5tusY9D


Note: I think we can all expect that this link will not be up and active for very long. Take the money and run, Friends.

I don't even know who the fuck that fucker was.  But I lost interest when he cut to a song to cover the fact that he was unprepared. 

[Jackstar]

he cut to a song to cover the fact that he was unprepared

I fucking wrote that song. DISQUALIFIED.

[Dr. MD MD]

It’s pretty much an unlistenable trainwreck. Was that intentional? Are you punishing Bellgab?

[Jackstar]

It’s pretty much an unlistenable trainwreck.
Was that intentional?
Are you punishing Bellgab?

Just you.
With surgical precision.
Not even my final form.

[Dr. MD MD]

Just you.
With surgical precision.
Not even my final form.

No biggie. I just turned it off when I realized you had no idea what you were doing. 

So, what’s your grudge with me now?

[Corona Kitty]

It’s pretty much an unlistenable trainwreck. Was that intentional? Are you punishing Bellgab?

Ugh oh.

[Jackstar]

No biggie. I just turned it off

This medicine bag I stole from my squaw's grandfather is really paying off its dividend in spades. Almost fuckin' nuttin' gets through, not even Miley Ray Cyrus.

It's cool, mang; I'm sure there's a rerun of Seinfeld on somewhere. Let us adults talk shop. Sorry you didn't get anything out of my grim wire... yet.

[Dr. MD MD]

This medicine bag I stole from my squaw's grandfather is really paying off its dividend in spades. Almost fuckin' nuttin' gets through, not even Miley Ray Cyrus.

It's cool, mang; I'm sure there's a rerun of Seinfeld on somewhere. Let us adults talk shop. Sorry you didn't get anything out of my grim wire... yet.

I’ll take Jerry over that mess any day. However, I wish you the best in uping your game and look forward to better results from you.

[Jackstar]

Ugh oh.

Declare fealty to me now--now--and together we will rule this land, as a pair of Tavistock interns would. But with a much nicer wardrobe. Well, mine anyway.

Offer expires in 5 hours. Think it over. One and only chance, Zeus. Am I not the most generous of stars?

[Jackstar]

uping

I'm going to get this squaw and her grandfather shoes, maybe even with real laces, if they can figure them out. I'm that pleased with this protector fetish, it's incredible, the best. So great.

[Dr. MD MD]

I'm going to get this squaw and her grandfather shoes, maybe even with real laces, if they can figure them out. I'm that pleased with this protector fetish, it's incredible, the best. So great.

Whatever turns your crank, baby.

[FearBoysWithBugs]

This medicine bag I stole from my squaw's grandfather is really paying off its dividend in spades. Almost fuckin' nuttin' gets through, not even Miley Ray Cyrus.

It's cool, mang; I'm sure there's a rerun of Seinfeld on somewhere. Let us adults talk shop. Sorry you didn't get anything out of my grim wire... yet.

[FearBoysWithBugs]

I'm going to get this squaw and her grandfather shoes, maybe even with real laces, if they can figure them out. I'm that pleased with this protector fetish, it's incredible, the best. So great.

[Corona Kitty]

Declare fealty to me now--now--and together we will rule this land, as a pair of Tavistock interns would. But with a much nicer wardrobe. Well, mine anyway.

Offer expires in 5 hours. Think it over. One and only chance, Zeus. Am I not the most generous of stars?

Best of luck!

[Jackstar]

Best of luck!

With this medicine bag, I don't have any use for mere luck. This thing is easily worth nine times its weight in smoked salmon.

[Jackstar]

Best of luck!

You had your chance to get close to me.

[Jackstar]

A word on... scheduling.

The original plan was quite different from what has been presented thus far. This is because, the great lot of you, the substantial portion, are a gang of mewling, bleating, cringing cowards. Perhaps--perhaps--rather less than 'all' of you at this point, but most assuredly, MANY.

You people are scum. You know who you are. Scum. Heads will roll.

As yet, I can do nothing about this. Yet. I'll get around to it. Meanwhile, this is an active project, its apparent halfassery notwithstanding, and let me assure you, I am going to get what I want here.

However, I'm pretty fucking far from what I want today. People are not doing as they have been told. Instructions are not being followed. Plans once laid, demand to be laid again.

This infuriates the wizard. I mean, don't get me wrong, I do enjoy getting laid laying plans, but I only have so much time in the day. And if no one else is doing as they've been told, I have to stop telling other people what to do, and start repeating myself.

This enrages the wizard. You people have no idea. And thus, your collective innocence has softened my granite heart, and my mercy is bountiful once more. My labor is one of love. Love for all of you, especially those that are scum-free. Y'all are good people. The best. I am doing this for you and it is going to be greater. Right now it's like that scene in Trumbo when he's in the bathtub. FUCK.

Scumbags are always gonna fuck it up. Mark my words. Don't worry about it. I'll take care of it. Meanwhile, enjoy as possible--which for today isn't going to be very possible, because somebody wouldn't get her ass off Twitter.

There's only so much I can do with what I've got here. Speaking of which--I don't have a Got-damned microphone yet. No, it's okay, go on, laugh it up.

Your laughter pleases the wizard.

Ideally, there will one day be enough five minute blocks of me, that I will be able to be ran 24/7/365. That day is not today. Today, I ain't got shit. Unless you count likes on Twitter. I guess I got a lot of those. Yay.

This is taking way more of my time than 5 minutes, let me assure you. Oh wait, I can't assure you, I don't have a microphone.

The wizard preferred it before, when all he had to do is get lightning rods and bat fur. Sigh. Alas, such is the life.


tl;dr: getting a schedule is on the schedule. Deal with it. UND KEINE EIER.

[FearBoysWithBugs]

A word on... scheduling.

The original plan was quite different from what has been presented thus far. This is because, the great lot of you, the substantial portion, are a gang of mewling, bleating, cringing cowards. Perhaps--perhaps--rather less than 'all' of you at this point, but most assuredly, MANY.

You people are scum. You know who you are. Scum. Heads will roll.

As yet, I can do nothing about this. Yet. I'll get around to it. Meanwhile, this is an active project, its apparent halfassery notwithstanding, and let me assure you, I am going to get what I want here.

However, I'm pretty fucking far from what I want today. People are not doing as they have been told. Instructions are not being followed. Plans once laid, demand to be laid again.

This infuriates the wizard. I mean, don't get me wrong, I do enjoy getting laid laying plans, but I only have so much time in the day. And if no one else is doing as they've been told, I have to stop telling other people what to do, and start repeating myself.

This enrages the wizard. You people have no idea. And thus, your collective innocence has softened my granite heart, and my mercy is bountiful once more. My labor is one of love. Love for all of you, especially those that are scum-free. Y'all are good people. The best. I am doing this for you and it is going to be greater. Right now it's like that scene in Trumbo when he's in the bathtub. FUCK.

Scumbags are always gonna fuck it up. Mark my words. Don't worry about it. I'll take care of it. Meanwhile, enjoy as possible--which for today isn't going to be very possible, because somebody wouldn't get her ass off Twitter.

There's only so much I can do with what I've got here. Speaking of which--I don't have a Got-damned microphone yet. No, it's okay, go on, laugh it up.

Your laughter pleases the wizard.

Ideally, there will one day be enough five minute blocks of me, that I will be able to be ran 24/7/365. That day is not today. Today, I ain't got shit. Unless you count likes on Twitter. I guess I got a lot of those. Yay.

This is taking way more of my time than 5 minutes, let me assure you. Oh wait, I can't assure you, I don't have a microphone.

The wizard preferred it before, when all he had to do is get lightning rods and bat fur. Sigh. Alas, such is the life.


tl;dr: getting a schedule is on the schedule. Deal with it. UND KEINE EIER.

[Jackstar]

tryhard

tryhard

tryhard

Jesus, does anyone actually care about this shit anymore? Get a life already. Oh, wait, right--it's a bot. Cool, I need new sunglasses.

Flattered.

[Jackstar]

I don't have a microphone.

Maybe Failkie has one. How's about one of you mewling, bleating, cringing cowards ask him what he thinks is the best one to have given to him? I'm sure that will be a much better use of anyone's time than asking anyone else would be.

tl;dr--Cowards. The lot.

[whoozit]

would be tedious.

[Jackstar]

would be tedious.

I'll see what I can do about that. In the meantime, you should perhaps recognize that the project is in pure alpha state, funding has been chickenscratch from the get-go by design, I'm creating primarily for my own designs, and, I swear to God--I've forgotten everything I ever knew about you, as many of your posts have been tepid beyond measure.

On the bright side, this method of development ensures that Chinese hackers are not able to steal or infringe any part of my IP or technical structure. Imagine if it is tedious for you, how tedious it is for your average ChiCom.

This delights the wizard, and adds to the gift budget for more shoes. What's unfolding here simply has nothing to do with your present level of awareness. What, would you like a refund? Eat my shorts, laughing boy. You'll get clued into the party eventually, that can be assured. In the meantime I am sure you can find something more on your level to fritter time away with. Plant some milk thistle or something. Just a suggestion.

[Jackstar]

Now, see? THAT'S how it is DONE. And I'm spent. Good luck on the spider boss, its designed to crush your spirits so I can hoover their components up more readily through whatever neurospheric tunnels are used for that kind of thing--hey, fuck you, you try to describe something for which there are no words in a common lexicon for. I think I'm doing pretty well! Although I do agree, putting in a spider as a boss is very challenging. Oh, oh--did I mention? You're all taking a ride whether you like it or not. And here, because I adore you all, I'll drop the secret strat: just don't be afraid of it.

You know who is afraid of spiders? Cowards, that's who. GL all, bbl, I'll most likely kill you in the morning.

[FearBoysWithBugs]

[FearBoysWithBugs]

Jesus, does anyone actually care about this shit anymore? Get a life already. Oh, wait, right--it's a bot. Cool, I need new sunglasses.

Flattered.

[paladin1991]

I fucking wrote that song. DISQUALIFIED.

I'd rather listen to Decon.  Who was that schmuck?