George Noory Sucks! - The Definitive Compendium

[Lovely Bones]

I agree. I've never understood why people assume that just because we're united in our disgust at George Noory that we also share their political views. Awhile back I asked that we dial back the socio-cultural and political invective (the standard believers-are-sooo-stupid, conservatives-are-sooo-craven stuff), and ask that we stick to Simple George. But there are a handful of folks who feel it their duty, their Gaia-given right, to jab a stick in the eyes of folks that they don't just disagree with, but clearly feel morally and intellectually superior to. It's unfair; it's not right; and it makes for hard feelings. And it almost always goes just one way.

So, once again, how's about we dispense with the gratuitous political and religious insults at least in this thread?

Thank you, Sardoni.  This country is divided enough.  I like coming here and being united in our Simple George Revulsion.  It's a bad thing to divide us along political lines--and that's inevitable when any poster assumes we all think in lockstep politically.   

[Lovely Bones]

I hate those forums where everyone must always be nice to everyone else and the slightest thing that might possibly offend any entity in any universe is prohibited.  (These forums are usually all female and they also suck.)

Have to agree with you on this point, DB.  I know of such a forum and though I must read there to keep up with what a faction of those talking about a certain issue are saying about the issue, I refuse to join there.  All the happy little "So and so thanks so and so for this useful post" notes, all the moderator snipping of posts, all the administrator warnings to attack the post and not the poster, all the post deletions, all the mass bannings, TOS that go on for pages and pages--good grief!!

I keep wanting to tell these people to check out Michael's TOS and the way posters usually operate here.  Except for occasional idiots like that Buttsausage guy, everybody here eventually solves their own scuffles. 

[Camazotz Automat]

Oh, great.  I found the forum a few years ago and finally registered a few months ago.  I read a ton of pages, and, being somewhat visual, had not noticed the avatar back then (please, please tell me that you have changed it so that I don't feel quite so stupid.  Seriously, lie to me if necessary...)


I suppose that I am impressed that a forum composed of people whose only unifying characteristic is a hatred of a late night radio host has been able to work things out and get along (for the most part) through several years with minimal moderation.  I thought that I would mention it and I find that I am telling a founding member about the history that you experienced first hand.


Hot damn; every now and then I feel humbled, embarrassed and stupid.  Can I give you any more unsolicited lessons on the history of this forum?

Being A Considered Response To WOTR

Good Sir, I am indebted to you for providing an opening, a rare opportunity that allowed me to legitimately impart such specific and obscure information regarding my being an early member of this wondrous club.

You are correct. I have changed my representational likeness several times over the years. There was little if any chance of a visual cue with which to correlate a past missive you may have read.

In addition to providing said appreciated opening, your accurate comment(s) on the longevity and apparent immunity of this forum readily disproves Mr. G-----  N------'s claim that such groups are irrevocably destined to implode due to ego, infighting, etc. Such wisdom and observation must be shared.

Please excuse the somewhat formal tone of this lengthy reply.  I am currently mining the complete works of Robert W. Chambers for suspected cryptograms which, if cracked, would reveal a complete description of the dreaded "Yellow Sign," heretofore assumed a construct of complete fiction.  I feel that I am halfway done in recreating its original and powerful form.

I've been at it for quite some time now.

Ever since I learned Mr. Chambers was buried TWICE â€" first under an oak tree on his personal property in Broadalbin, NY, then, at his wife's behest, disinterred and then relocated to Broadalbin Cemetery â€" I theorized Widow Chambers retrieved something of great import from her husband's final corporeal dinner jacket.  (Similar to my believing there was an ulterior motive when Elvis Presley was disinterred by the Colonel and relocated to Graceland, but I will not address that subject here.)

I became obsessed with RWC and my theory was just that, a theory, until quite by chance I managed to secure via auction a very critical document â€" the diary of one "Cecil C. Finch" who mentioned RWC throughout its many pages.

After reading the thing, I learned RWC's grieving desperate widow herself learned only later the nature of what one entrusted bearer slipped into RWC's coffin during graveside ritual at burial number one.  According to Finch's own diary RWC had left implicit instructions to Finch regarding "the purple silk sporting the damnable gold threaded sigil should go out of this world with me. The burden should not be passed down, especially to my son, whose generous spirit but delicate mind would be ill equipped to withstand such a living terror."

A living terror? Well dip me in the occult and call me Jimmy Page's red-eyed Black Dog.

While I am not foolish enough to believe I can recover the original silk, once I was sure all was not fiction, I began the tedious cryptogram research for a written record of the Yellow Sign, a search which extends even into RWC's "romance" novels.   It has long been a puzzle as to why RWC - who could write so well of the strange and unknown â€" would later fall short of the mark, writing apparent "trashy busy wallpaper."

The answer was there all along.  Certain cryptogram limitations REQUIRED various choices of words in order to function with respect to the master cipher which had grown increasingly complex over time - to the perceived detriment of RWC's writing.

As it turns out, the later books often serve as mere scaffolding onto which the clues may lay hold a firm and undeniable purchase!  Thus, the more unbearable the story, the more LIKELY the fact the tale contains within it treasures that can be but imagined. Ironically, the original story, "The Yellow Sign," has no significant hidden clues of this nature.

As you can readily attest, WOTR, if you've suffered this far, this very intense research in which I am engaged seems to be exerting a specific effect (toll?) upon my written correspondences. I'm talking about a big bag of wind here. The affliction ebbs and flows, it waxes and wanes like some rogue moon. Because of my actions, my very sanity has come into question by various associates who believe I am barking up the wrong Tree of Life! While yet others more blatantly accuse me of being "turned about in the head" due to my not being specifically invited into Joseph Pulver's recent project(s)!

(whether I wished to make an appearance in Mr. Pulver's literary explorations is neither here, nor is it there, and is completely irrelevant to my current pursuit of the Yellow Sign)

I shall persevere with my cryptogram work - despite the blasted cuneiform path to which it seems to be pointing.  I am halfway to "the mark."

Not all believe me mad. Another member of Vandevan's original start up crew could vouch for the sincerity of my quest â€" a certain member going by the moniker of "MABUSE" who once passed onto me critical information regarding a legendary Edison Cylinder inscribed with Enochian chants as vocalized/realized by the dark magician who shall not be mentioned here. I encountered MABUSE at GLP. When GLP became unbearable, MABUSE joined several of us in Vandevan's bitchin' new GNS lair - a lair that promised minimal interference to reasonable persons fleeing GLP like termites departing a boardwalk heavily laced with arsenic.

Reading the postings of MABUSE was an education unto itself I will not soon forget. He was always several steps ahead in whatever I was investigating at the time, be it the evocation of questionable spirits or the distillation of actual spirits of an altogether different "nature."  "I'm tinkering with the alcohol still, tonight, JTC. Come, let's hold palaver and discuss the end of the world and how far behind you are in the understanding of things no longer dark to me."  (for JTC is what he called me, not for Jesus the Christ, but for John Titor's Clock, my previous title at GLP.)

Indeed.  I sometimes wonder if MABUSE is even now in the RWC crypto game, but much farther on ahead of me. I can easily envision an amorphous presence laughing in the glow of that dangerous yellow sign I have yet to build - MABUSE appearing to my tired eyes as some blurry alcohol imbued dancing figure, refracted in a gimcrack of the Divine.

"....of things no longer dark to me," he said.

I have digressed enough, WOTR, and probably.... revealed too much. I apologize for rambling on and I am grateful for your indulgence. Such a loss of control is my weakness at this stage, and yes, at this advanced age.  At times I have little vote over what I type.  (It occurs to me just now that RWC may have experienced a similar awareness. )

Conversely, if MABUSE can confirm my sanity, MV can verify the existence of my private letters over the years which amount to thousands of pages of at times unintelligible ravings of a mad man.  Add to this, odd packages in the U.S. Mail â€" trafficking esoteric technological artifacts. But he's too loyal in heart to reveal me in such an unpleasant light and if asked details about my research or state of mind, MV will most likely claim "Cam's simply horsing around again with that grandiose Crowley schtick. Good times. Who's up for a good pizza pie?"

It is not my place to direct MV in how to respond to specific queries regarding my stability or lack thereof.

Regardless, my burden is heavy, even if only at this unfinished stage of recreating the Yellow Sign.

The drama, whatever it entails, (funny, I almost typed "entrails" just then) is my own. And where it leads... is a choice I have made.

In closing, if I might return to topic and add with a sincere and rejoicing enthusiasm:

Mr. G----- N---- inhales mightily! The depth and breadth of his inhalation challenges our very perception of the darkest recesses of The One True God's great and unknowable universe!

(as you readily intuit, that means you suck, Mr. Noory, and I appreciate you and Tommy checking in all these many years that WOTR so kindly referenced.)

Cam out.

[Ben Shockley]

Being A Considered Response To WOTR

Good Sir, ...

Am I the only one who senses Edgar Allan Poe in Cam's writing?


Edited to add: or Lovecraft.  Poe + 100 years.

[hosehead]

Let the suck be your light.  If we follow the light, we cannot fail.

I've heard George talk about sites like this and he said, somewhat smugly, that all boards such as these eventually disintegrate  due to internal bickering. He said something to the effect of "that's what always eventually happens."

He has a point. Conflicts are bound to happen.  Different intellects clashing.  Various politics.  This race sucks.  That races sucks.  That view sucks, no your view sucks.

Exactly.  Let's not let the wedge of politic and media obscure the truth of Noory's suckocity.

[BobGrau]

Being A Considered Response To WOTR

Good Sir...

This deserves it's own thread. And if you're simply 'horsing around', so much the better.

[MV/Liberace!]

cam... that post took me right back to october, 2008.  good times.

[11angeleyes11]

You have that right!

The suck thread seems in many ways to be the default thread of the forum and I think that may be why it sometimes goes into other topics.  A lot of sites have a "War Room" where OT or more controversial things can be discussed.  I hope this happens -- as opposed to all political discussion being banned.  I hate those forums where everyone must always be nice to everyone else and the slightest thing that might possibly offend any entity in any universe is prohibited.  (These forums are usually all female and they also suck.)

Gasp! I am offended!

Remember Ms. Coastgab manners  and say Thank you for not sucking.
And as another polite gesture, Please, stop all the sucking. It is very important to a cordial forum to remember our etiquette.

Keep your fingers on the correct keys and do not slobber and spit on the screen of your computer, Ipad, or Iphone or equivalent when engaged in
uproarious laughter.

[Sardondi]

Re suckage and C2C vis a' vis the host-erization of George Noory, I just listened to last (Sunday) night's program, hosted by the competent George, Knapp..and it was the very antithesis of suck. It was glorious. He was engaged, thoughtful and knew when to shut up and let the guest run. The show was a single 4-hour guest on a subject I've never heard addressed - statistically anomalous clusters of unexplained, almost impossible disappearances of persons from US national parks. Yes, a lot had to do with the fact that it was about what seems to me a creepy, spooky mystery...but Noory would have found a way to fuck it up beyond recognition.

[PB the Deplorable]

George likes it when callers, guests, hosts of other shows, conferences he does, refer to him as an 'investigator', claim he knows more about the various topics than anyone else, etc.  George has told multiple stories that sound like lies to me about having various paranormal experiences.  He has claimed to have been born to do the show, etc.  George always makes sure to include his 3 Emmy's (Regional Emmy's, even though they were for TV news production or some such thing unrelated to radio) when doing conferences or interviews.

I was thinking - George has to know he is never going to be inducted into the Radio Hall of Fame.  We know he wants to - he insisted on 'introducing' at Art Bell's induction, he used to bring it up from time to time, he even MC'ed it the year after Art went in.  Now, nothing.

And George is nothing if not creative when it comes to self promotion.  He certainly seems not above, um, stretching truth. 

So when will he start lying about being in the Radio Hall of Fame?  I envision it starting with the paid callers slipping it in that they are so happy to be talking to a RHOFer, with George saying nothing.   A little later, someone interviewing George - someone like, say, Alex Jones - will include it in his introduction, George again saying nothing.  One day it shows up in George's acomplishments on a paranormal conferenes website.  With no outcry, at some point Tommy will bring it up while he is chattering with George.  Later, George starts mentioning it from time to time.  Anyone pointing out that he isn't will then be labeled a hater.

With this post, I expect Geroge to get the idea and begin implememtation..

[dan7800]

Yes, a lot had to do with the fact that it was about what seems to me a creepy, spooky mystery...but Noory would have found a way to fuck it up beyond recognition.

Art was great at this. He could take a bland subject and make it fun and mysterious.

[WOTR]

Being A Considered Response To WOTR
Cam out.

With your vocabulary and humour it seems like you would be a shoe in for MV's radio Trainwreck.  I have to admit that I have only caught a few episodes, but I would mark my calendar if MV could get you on the "hot seat."  Having absolutely no aptitude for cryptograms or word puzzles I may be missing something... did you manage to slip any hidden message into your post?  I ask only because of the overall length and some phrases used.  I have occasionally used "waxes and wanes", but it is very unusual to see others in this day and age use it.  Besides, it's kind of cool to think that perhaps I am completely oblivious to a hidden message right under my nose. 


I do have just one more question concerning your post.  You do not type out the full names of the present Coast host.  Instead you do the initials as G----- N----.  I know that many Jewish writers such as Leonard Cohen purposely do this with God (or, as he would write it G-d.)  I understand the reasons behind his and others decision to replace the letter.  However, I can not see it being any reason to do with reverence or love for the man.  I have to assume that you are not worried that somebody could destroy or deface the name of G-d (or in this case, G----e) if you should happen to write it in complete form.  To the contrary... it would seem that there would be a hope that others could deface the name of "he who sucks."  Why the lack of letters when referencing GN?


My mind just can not keep up with life.  You had mentioned MABUSE and I was certain that I recalled him.  I could even picture the avatar by the name.  Only now do I realize that the poster I recall was MADUCE and it was a completely different forum with a very different topic.  You see, when you had mentioned Mabuce as being a master in a certain field, my mind naturally connected the two.  Maduce was the only man I know who came to Canada and ordered armoured cars full of nickels to sort for the pre-81's (as they are composed of actual nickel instead of being clad.)  He never disclosed where he sold the nickel, but none the less, he was a master in his chosen field...  Now I have to do a quick search to see some of the exchanges that took place between you and MABUSE.  If his posting style matches yours it could be an interesting read (albeit on a topic that I have no knowledge of, nor ever expressed an interest in.)


On a side note, I only managed two minutes of Noory tonight.  After the Sunday treat I could not bring myself to even have that jackass on as background noise.  It has been too long since I have had a fond memory of Coast and I could not bear to destroy it after only one day.  It may be awhile before I can shatter the warm fuzzy feeling that I am experiencing to return to the inevitable hatred that follows any audio clip featuring the Nooron.

[PB the Deplorable]

Who's the entrepreneur in the group?  I'd like to see:


1. "George Noory Suds" beer steins
2. T-slurs with his most famous non-sequiturs written on them
3. George Noory cue cards with incomprehensible doodles all over them
4. George Noory pens with no ink
5. George Noory base ball caps that are one size fits all, but are always one size too small
6. George Noory calculators with no "=" button
7. George Noory branded computers with no operating system and no way to load one
8. Official "George Noory Socks" made of genuine turmeric
9. George Noory branded hamburger paddies stamped with "Raised in Chernobyl".

George Noory, The Board Game.

Choose your game piece from among an Angel, a Mutilated Cow, a Squashed Squirrel, Stomped Hampster, Demon, Bigfoot, Shadow Rodent, Spring Heel Jack, Tubby Producer, Clown, Mothman, green or grey Alien, etc. 

Roll the dice, move the piece, take a card from the stack and read it out loud.  Each card contains one of George's favorite trite sayings - Incredible, Could It Be Demons, How Are You, Riveting, Somethings Going On, Amazing, 2012 Is Coming, I just Want the Truth, There Are No Coincidences, etc.

There is no point to the game, no winning or losing, it can be played alone or with other people, it ends for each person when they get bored or frustrated and quit.

[Morgus]

George Noory, The Board Game.

the loser of the game is labeled as Noory calls, a "wacko" or "sicko" 
or if you quit the game you are labeled a "hater"

[aldousburbank]

George Noory, The Board Game.

There is no point to the game, no winning or losing, it can be played alone or with other people, it ends for each person when they get bored or frustrated and quit.

And the winner is... the first to fall asleep.

[11angeleyes11]

the loser of the game is labeled as Noory calls, a "wacko" or "sicko" 
or if you quit the game you are labeled a "hater"

Epic fun!  However, I like to play cards.

[11angeleyes11]

And the winner is... the first to fall asleep.

Look on the optimitic side of this.  How many people have been kept off over-prescribed medication and kept big pharma from raking in more mone
money?  Would you like to fall asleep to the sound of George or the sound of an Ian snort? 

[aldousburbank]

George Noory, The Board Game.

Hows about the George Noory Vacation Raffle, in which the winner wins a day with George Noory at his epic Hawaii studio location?  2nd place wins 2 days with George, and 3rd place 3.

(MV, I love the way the board's spell check tags "Noory".) 

[b_dubb]

Noory's opening ... his intro ... his "energy" is fake. he has no real enthusiasm for Coast and it's obvious right from the start. he can't even open the show without fucking it up. is there any trace of honesty to this guy?

GEORGE: stop fakIng it. The only person you're fooling is yourself

[Agent : Orange]

George Noory, The Board Game.

The bored game.

[DangerousBlossom]

 

Am I the only one who senses Edgar Allan Poe in Cam's writing?

Edited to add: or Lovecraft.  Poe + 100 years.

Camazotz Automat, you fool!!!!! Go back to your study and consult your benighted tomes and eldritch sigils.  It would be far better than this!!!!! Stay away from the internet!!!!!  Have you forgotten that the Legion of Thasaidon also monitors this forum!  Can’t you see that those who haven’t been initiated into even the lesser mysteries read here?  What if the true nature of George Noory was revealed?!?!?!?  Currently most people are of the opinion that he is simply a late night talk show host that sucks.  So it should remain.

Tsathoggua watchs all.

Statements, disclaimers and apologies:

1) Camazotz, I do not really think you are a fool.  Ben Shockley, I do not really think you are a fool.
2) Cultists (pick the descriptor of your choice) sorry if something similar has been done 1000 times before, I am reinventing the wheel.
3) Should this discussion devolve into a discussion of Joshi or, umm, certain other issues, I will fully support it being taken off-site (but not before presenting my own views, of course).  If only Joshi is mentioned, possibly the thread should be hacked into the forums maintained by NPR and Fox News.
4) Mentions of scary things should not be made to young children before bedtime.
5) While, I only mentioned Thasaidon and Tsathoggua; Mordiggian, Ubbo-Sathla, Vulthoom, and many others should not be forgotten.  Especially Vulthoom.
6) I apologize to all those who follow other deities.
7) And to those who follow no deity.
8 ) This post should not be read on mobile devices while driving.
Sorry, my batteries are going dead…

[Sardondi]

...as Noory calls, a "wacko" or "sicko", or...a "hater"

Wait, didn't I use to hear George on Saturday mornings telling the police about how he'd have gotten away with it "if it hadn't been for those nosy kids in their hippie van and that crazy talking dog!"?

[Hugo Fitch]

Totally agree, Ben Shockley.  I hate the politics that keeps popping up in here, but when one "view" rears its head, it deserves a  response.  What Sardondi missed was the point.


Even Ruteger's avatar in and of itself is clearly political, and it irritates me every time I see it.

I am irritated every time I see that Jug-Eared Fuck, too. 

[Morgus]

Noory tonight in the first hour is talking about internet "hate"sites and trying to get the sites removed.
Wonder what "hater" sites Noory is thinking about? 

[DangerousBlossom]

Noory tonight in the first hour is talking about internet "hate"sites and trying to get the sites removed.
Wonder what "hater" sites Noory is thinking about? 

Yes, it is quite interesting.  I have long suspected that Noory's 'respect for truth and freedom' is entirely false.  He is all for the First Admendment, unless it involves "hate."  As has often been reflected, there is no need to protect popular ideas.

[Morgus]

Noory sounds angry right now - asking his guest how he can find these terrible people posting hateful things on a website.
He must be reading this thread again?

Ah, Noory just asked his guest who are these "trolls" and do they just sit in their parent's basement and post hateful things about him?
Noory just mentioned seeing internet videos that trolls make of him and Hoagland and others...

[DangerousBlossom]

Noory sounds angry right now - asking his guest how he can find these terrible people posting hateful things on a website.
He must be reading this thread again?

He did mention the "horrible videos" where someone takes his face and Hoagland's face and makes a comic video out of it...  The guest said that satire is generally protected.  Then a caller complained that he belongs to some forum and the mods keep kicking him off.  George says, "good point."  The guest had to explain that private forums are controlled by the host and the host can do as he pleases if no laws are being broken.  Noory also asked if countries can keep someone out if they don't like his views.  The guest had to explain that countries can, in fact, keep out people they feel are undesirable.  One can understand how Noory may be someone confused about this, as the U.S. doesn't practice it, but still, WTF??? 

[WOTR]

Noory sounds angry right now - asking his guest how he can find these terrible people posting hateful things on a website.
He must be reading this thread again?

Ah, Noory just asked his guest who are these "trolls" and do they just sit in their parent's basement and post hateful things about him?
Noory just mentioned seeing internet videos that trolls make of him and Hoagland and others...

Really?  You mean that after swearing off Noory for this week that the first hour of circus entertainment starring our favourite clown is going to be worth listening to?  Fine... I will listen when my local station starts the broadcast.


I will just substitute screen names here when he says "haters" and CG when he refers to hate sites.  It sounds as though George may be ready to demonstrate his ignorance of the internets and law once again.  I just can't believe that he is willing to say that he believes that laws should protect his reputation from honest observations about his suckage...

[SnapT]

That was a hilarious segment.  I can just picture Noory watching YouTube videos and overflowing with rage over them while he wonders whether he can have the uploader arrested.

[FightTheFuture]

Yeah, I was a little surprised that Noory actually had to ask the guest if soverign countries had the right to deny entry to certain people.

Even by Noory's standards, he bottomed-out on that interview