George Noory Sucks! - The Definitive Compendium

[Morgus]

Now the vampire guest is on calling in from eastern europe.
so the open lines tonight was the first two hours and the guest the last two hours, swapped from normal.

[WOTR]

...George can't stop blathering on about the lottery in the meantime...

I got back from driving my mother from the airport, jumped in my truck and turned on the radio.  Suddenly there was George asking people to call in if the numbers were right and proceeded to read of a string of numbers.  Did he seriously read off his own numbers, or were they the winning numbers?  It sure sounded like he was asking people to email him if his numbers were the winners.  I actually continued driving in a complete haze trying to comprehend a radio host with a computer directly in front of him as well as a staff who is lazy enough to ask the audience to check his lotto numbers.  For all I know, I ran over three elderly people on my way home while trying to comprehend George.

...He has finally shut that down with an exasperated  declaration that serial killers are hiding out in the parks and picking off unsuspecting visitors.  It's not aliens, so there.

Seriously?  He actually decided to try a simple explanation for the disappearances.  A man who has (undoubtedly) not even listened to the show wants to solve the mystery.  He must be madder than hell if he is not even falling back on his popular sumptin is happenin out dar.  To just sum it up as a serial killer tells me that he is near his breaking point and trying to keep it together.

[Zelig]

So... if someone reads books on vampires... they might be a vampire?  And, you'll especially know if they go to buy fake fangs...

[testpattern]

Noory's "Interview with the Vampire" show is another colossal turd. Color me surprised. It's a dueling of dullness between these two idiots. The best part of this show was when the guest's phone line disconnected.

[Zelig]

Christmas light music... poof goes the vampire... we'll get "the good father" back?   

[Zelig]

Wow - this show got super botched... recycling the last half hour....

[Zelig]

UFO Phil win

[testpattern]

Wow - this show got super botched... recycling the last half hour....

It's hard to distinguish between a botched show and any other show.... it's a constant circling of the bowl with Noory.

[Zelig]

It's hard to distinguish between a botched show and any other show.... it's a constant circling of the bowl with Noory.

I still remember when I believed in Noory... heavy sigh... These days I watch them to compare how bad one is against the next... It's like watching a wreck... I can't take my eyes off the spectacle...

[Zelig]

You're starting to think that if men had been meant to swim through solid rock as if it were water, they would have been born with fulminating lava ducts. fnord

[sleeplessinca]

so George takes a call from Albuquerque, New York.  It's a trucker who thinks that the mystery hum might be from the planets aligning like during the 80's.  George says our planet is alive and groaning.

[b_dubb]

If I won the $600 million I would offer George Noory $6 million on the condition that he never broadcast again. Make that $60 million. Why fuck around. This is important

[kf5iwe]

Sure looks as if the VampYre Subculture expert didn't show up. George can't stop blathering on about the lottery in the meantime. "Can you imagine someone winning $600 million? Their...their (his word) life would change instantly!", that retard just mused.

Really, George? No shit. Is this what the fuck they pay you for?

No, no. He just throws shit like that in for free. He does it all just for us. The Bastard

[aldousburbank]

George Noory sucks all the people missing from National Parks and Forests through a straw inserted in his ass.

[UnscreenedCaller]

George Noory sucks all the people missing from National Parks and Forests through a straw inserted in his ass.

Can't argue with that. Extra points for leading off with 'George Noory sucks'.

so George takes a call from Albuquerque, New York.  It's a trucker who thinks that the mystery hum might be from the planets aligning like during the 80's.  George says our planet is alive and groaning.

If the earth is humming, it's more like "Lalalalalalala" to take it's mind off the vapid noise that goes over the airwaves Monday through Friday and one Sunday a month on C2C.

[DebbyS]

I hope that for the April 1st open line some enterprising caller makes it in and accuses "George Noory" of being a plant/fake/clone because the plant/fake/clone has only a percentage of the "intelligence" (snicker) that the "good ole George Noory" (c) displayed every night way back (insert year of choice).  What did the clone do with good ole George? Don't deny it! The "george" on the radio now is a complete fraud! etc, etc, etc. Maybe, just maybe other callers would get in on it, because if "George Noory" cuts off the accuser, there must be something to the accusations! Denial = confirmation! There are no coincidences! Of course I won't be listening because the local station broadcasting him is so weak, as his other stations in the southwest... but I might hear a non-coincidental cry of anguish "from somewhere out there".  Oh! More confirmation:  the real George is "somewhere out *there*" and never "somewhere out *here*" which is more gramatical but means clone is talking about the real one who is "there", not "here", heh?

I better get outta here and enjoy our nice spring-like weather after New Mexico being the only state of the 48 with appreciable winter this year!

[guildnavigator]

George Noory sucks all the people missing from National Parks and Forests through a straw inserted in his ass.

He has a roadie blow them up there because he needs a hit and his face is too fried from all of the stupid packed in his head.

[FightTheFuture]

If I won the $600 million I would offer George Noory $6 million on the condition that he never broadcast again. Make that $60 million. Why fuck around. This is important

I swear, I`m going to find out who the hell won that pile of loot and  B E G  them to do exactly what you proposed. Hell, maybe they listen to Coast and hate Snoory as much as we do!

It could happen, you know...

[PB the Deplorable]

If I won the $600 million I would offer George Noory $6 million on the condition that he never broadcast again. Make that $60 million. Why fuck around. This is important

Could probably buy all of PremRat for that.  Then just fire him.


Better yet, find the person that can fire him and pay him to do it. 

[Morgus]

If I won the $600 million I would offer George Noory $6 million on the condition that he never broadcast again. Make that $60 million.

unfortunately that won't work. Noory mentioned on the air last night even if he won millions he would keep right on hosting c2c anyway and give the millions away... 

[Morgus]

I hope that for the April 1st open line some enterprising caller makes it in and accuses "George Noory" of being a plant/fake/clone because the plant/fake/clone has only a percentage of the "intelligence" (snicker) that the "good ole George Noory" (c) displayed every night way back (insert year of choice). 

too bad there won't be any open lines on April 1st since thats a Sunday and Noory has guests on.
Noory will probably  play an April Fool's joke on all the listeners though. 

[PB the Deplorable]

unfortunately that won't work. Noory mentioned on the air last night even if he won millions he would keep right on hosting c2c anyway and give the millions away... 

Because George isn't about money and he so enjoys putting out a quality show for the listeners

[Sardondi]

unfortunately that won't work. Noory mentioned on the air last night even if he won millions he would keep right on hosting c2c anyway and give the millions away... 

Heh. As well as work for world peace and an end to hunger, I'm sure.  :

I gather you note that it cost Saint George exactly zero to claim to be the world's most altruistic and generous person...as he well knew when he said it. Which is why we ignore George's cheap talk, and wait for the expensive walk. 

[manfromplanedtx]

Last Night on Open Lines our "Hero" went 3 for 3
Hitting the Moronic Trifecta!
First, there was his "How's that for Synchronicity" comment.
George the only thing I "know" about Synchronicity is that it was one of the The Police's best albums.

Then his authoritative "You know, I believe there are no coincidences!"
You are brillant George, That is why we are awarding you the Nobel Prize in Science!

Then lastly, my favorite, "I think Mother Nature is trying to tell us something!"
What would that be George, that you are her bastard idiot son?!!"

[DangerousBlossom]

 Here is one from a few days ago (3-28-12).  I was falling asleep and haven’t re-listened, but I think I have this pretty much correct.  The guest was discussing how one day AI might be so advanced that a machine which worked like the human brain would be possible.
GN: Would it cry?
Guest:  You mean with real human tears?
GN: Yes.
Guest: I guess that feature could be added, but I do not see what the point would be.
GN: What if after it stopped crying it got really mad?

[aldousburbank]

I can just picture Noory last night, sitting at home with his Justin Bieber posters in his pulled up argyle socks and heart print bermuda shorts, listening to Wells interview John Hendrie Leer, and exclaiming "amazing, something strange is going on" and etc. etc. etc.

Interesting how Tommy and Lisa decided to let Wells bring the funny this year.  Perhaps they've finally woken up to the fact that Noory is far too foolish to do justice to an April Fool's Day prank.

[A Dead Horse]

Here is one from a few days ago (3-28-12).  I was falling asleep and haven’t re-listened, but I think I have this pretty much correct.  The guest was discussing how one day AI might be so advanced that a machine which worked like the human brain would be possible.
GN: Would it cry?
Guest:  You mean with real human tears?
GN: Yes.
Guest: I guess that feature could be added, but I do not see what the point would be.
GN: What if after it stopped crying it got really mad?

Heh heh. I caught that as well and I laughed.

[b_dubb]

Heh heh. I caught that as well and I laughed.

Maybe Noory thinks coast is a comedy show? I find it difficult to think that a grown man with no diagnosed mental retardation would say something like this without the intention of making someone laugh

[aldousburbank]

George Noory doesn't suck.

April Fool's!

[b_dubb]

George Noory doesn't suck.

April Fool's!

I respect your skills Aldous. Well done sir. Well done