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Random stupid things on your mind. Post them.

Started by timpate, September 20, 2010, 07:56:24 PM






Quote from: Yorkshire pud on June 18, 2014, 01:04:09 AM

Something you need to get off your chest bud?  ::)

Hang in there, bateman.  Right up ahead there's a real girl with a real mind, and she'll smile when she meets you.   :)


area51drone

Quote from: Treading Water on June 18, 2014, 04:47:47 AM
Hang in there, bateman.  Right up ahead there's a real girl with a real mind, and she'll smile when she meets you.   :)

Then she'll grab your nuts with her icy cold hands and squeeze with the grip of Serena Williams.  You'll run away crying, but you'll be a man.   


paladin1991

Quote from: eddie dean on June 17, 2014, 11:38:29 PM
Hey now!

[attachimg=1]
Imagine that.  New on the 99 cent menu!  Mac stock would rise meteorically. 

Quote from: area51drone on June 18, 2014, 05:24:09 AM
Then she'll grab your nuts with her icy cold hands and squeeze with the grip of Serena Williams.  You'll run away crying, but you'll be a man.   



I thought he'd be OK as long as she applied her makeup properly... ???

Ba dum bum.

Yorkshire pud

Quote from: Treading Water on June 18, 2014, 04:47:47 AM
Hang in there, bateman.  Right up ahead there's a real girl with a real mind, and she'll smile when she meets you.   :)

I'm sure most here have been around the block and through the mill a few times by the time they reach middle age. Not certain of Bateman's age but I suspect 30ish. I was starting my second marriage at 31. She's out there mate. Okay you might need to sift the pan to get the shiny stuff and you might be 45 when you meet her, but she's there. By then you'll have your own radio station and sindicated to the entire English speaking world..including Australia.

bateman



MV/Liberace!

My daughter is 21 months old now.  Last night I decided to let her go to bed with me since she's so cute and cuddly.  After about 20 or 30 minutes of her usual tossing and turning, it seemed clear she'd finally fallen to sleep, as there was zero movement and no sound whatsoever.  Thus, I began my slow descent into stage 1 sleep. 

Probably somewhere around stage 3, I nearly shit the bed due to the shock of her petite little hand slapping me in the face with all of the force her little baby arm could muster.  It was a single, clean, brutal slap... perfectly positioned for maximum effect... the kind I'd expect if I were someone's prison bitch.  A perfect bull's eye.

[attach=1]

Cute, but vicious.

If I'd died of a heart attack due to the abrupt shock of this event, nobody would ever know my daughter killed me.  They'd just attribute it to me being a fat tub of shit.

jazmunda

Quote from: MV on June 18, 2014, 02:08:54 PM
My daughter is 21 months old now.  Last night I decided to let her go to bed with me since she's so cute and cuddly.  After about 20 or 30 minutes of her usual tossing and turning, it seemed clear she'd finally fallen to sleep, as there was zero movement and no sound whatsoever.  Thus, I began my slow descent into stage 1 sleep. 

Probably somewhere around stage 3, I nearly shit the bed due to the shock of her petite little hand slapping me in the face with all of the force her little baby arm could muster.  It was a single, clean, brutal slap... perfectly positioned for maximum effect... the kind I'd expect if I were someone's prison bitch.  A perfect bull's eye.

[attach=1]

Cute, but vicious.

If I'd died of a heart attack due to the abrupt shock of this event, nobody would ever know my daughter killed me.  They'd just attribute it to me being a fat tub of shit.

This is precisely the reason I never let my kids sleep in our bed. That and a healthy fear that my once ample frame would crush them whilst I blissfully slept.

Cute photo. Mine are cuter. And smarter. :P

coaster

Quote from: MV on June 18, 2014, 02:08:54 PM
My daughter is 21 months old now.  Last night I decided to let her go to bed with me since she's so cute and cuddly.  After about 20 or 30 minutes of her usual tossing and turning, it seemed clear she'd finally fallen to sleep, as there was zero movement and no sound whatsoever.  Thus, I began my slow descent into stage 1 sleep. 

Probably somewhere around stage 3, I nearly shit the bed due to the shock of her petite little hand slapping me in the face with all of the force her little baby arm could muster.  It was a single, clean, brutal slap... perfectly positioned for maximum effect... the kind I'd expect if I were someone's prison bitch.  A perfect bull's eye.

[attach=1]

Cute, but vicious.

If I'd died of a heart attack due to the abrupt shock of this event, nobody would ever know my daughter killed me.  They'd just attribute it to me being a fat tub of shit.
aww. cute kid MV. I'd have to forgive her for killing you.



Quote from: area51drone on June 18, 2014, 05:24:09 AM
Then she'll grab your nuts with her icy cold hands and squeeze with the grip of Serena Williams.  You'll run away crying, but you'll be a man.   


For some reason I always thought that Serena Williams would smell horrible 24/7. Not sure why. Even off the court I bet she sweats profusely.

BattyBrooke

Quote from: MV on June 18, 2014, 02:08:54 PM
My daughter is 21 months old now.  Last night I decided to let her go to bed with me since she's so cute and cuddly.  After about 20 or 30 minutes of her usual tossing and turning, it seemed clear she'd finally fallen to sleep, as there was zero movement and no sound whatsoever.  Thus, I began my slow descent into stage 1 sleep. 

Probably somewhere around stage 3, I nearly shit the bed due to the shock of her petite little hand slapping me in the face with all of the force her little baby arm could muster.  It was a single, clean, brutal slap... perfectly positioned for maximum effect... the kind I'd expect if I were someone's prison bitch.  A perfect bull's eye.

[attach=1]

Cute, but vicious.

If I'd died of a heart attack due to the abrupt shock of this event, nobody would ever know my daughter killed me.  They'd just attribute it to me being a fat tub of shit.

This is my favorite post of all time, with the vid of the Australian man being arrested being second.
Your daughter is cute enough to eat! Precious!


MV/Liberace!

Quote from: BattyBrooke on June 18, 2014, 02:26:32 PM
This is my favorite post of all time, with the vid of the Australian man being arrested being second.
Your daughter is cute enough to eat! Precious!

heh heh, thanks, brooke.  the cuteness does sometimes make me want to bite her, but i must resist since CPS probably frowns on that.

MV/Liberace!

Quote from: coaster on June 18, 2014, 02:24:03 PM
I'd have to forgive her for killing you.

there are those who would not only forgive her, but take her to toys r us as a reward.  "you killed your insufferable daddy last night?  here's a connect four set."


jazmunda

Quote from: MV on June 18, 2014, 02:31:13 PM
heh heh, thanks, brooke.  the cuteness does sometimes make me want to bite her, but i must resist since CPS probably frowns on that.

You need to move to a country where that behaviour is not frowned upon but encouraged. Fava beans are a good side to go with them.

MV/Liberace!

Quote from: jazmunda on June 18, 2014, 02:33:46 PM
You need to move to a country where that behaviour is not frowned upon but encouraged. Fava beans are a good side to go with them.

fava beans do go well, but not chianti.  i've heard.

Yorkshire pud

Quote from: MV on June 18, 2014, 02:32:43 PM
there are those who would not only forgive her, but take her to toys r us as a reward.  "you killed your insufferable daddy last night?  here's a connect four set."



Connect 4? That's just spoiling her. Killing daddy isn't worth much more than a lego person as reward. Possibly a replica of a fireman.

MV/Liberace!

Quote from: Yorkshire pud on June 18, 2014, 02:48:20 PM
Connect 4? That's just spoiling her. Killing daddy isn't worth much more than a lego person as reward. Possibly a replica of a fireman.

my wife's religion prohibits the use of lego people for any purpose.

coaster

Quote from: MV on June 18, 2014, 02:51:57 PM
my wife's religion prohibits the use of lego people for any purpose.
They should be prohibited. Have you ever stepped on one of those damn things? Ban them all..

Quote from: coaster on June 18, 2014, 03:00:36 PM
They should be prohibited. Have you ever stepped on one of those damn things? Ban them all..

Bruised my instep on one of those.  Black and blue Spots on the bottom of my foot.  Limped for a looong time....   :(

Also, sliced my pinkie toe on a dried out Rice Krispie once.  It's a wonder I have any pinkie toes left.      :'(

Ow.  Memories.

wr250

Quote from: Treading Water on June 18, 2014, 03:48:18 PM
Bruised my instep on one of those.  Black and blue Spots on the bottom of my foot.  Limped for a looong time....   :(

Also, sliced my pinkie toe on a dried out Rice Krispie once.  It's a wonder I have any pinkie toes left.      :'(

Ow.  Memories.

you need feet cozies.

bateman

Quote from: MV on June 18, 2014, 02:08:54 PM
My daughter is 21 months old now.  Last night I decided to let her go to bed with me since she's so cute and cuddly.  After about 20 or 30 minutes of her usual tossing and turning, it seemed clear she'd finally fallen to sleep, as there was zero movement and no sound whatsoever.  Thus, I began my slow descent into stage 1 sleep. 

Probably somewhere around stage 3, I nearly shit the bed due to the shock of her petite little hand slapping me in the face with all of the force her little baby arm could muster.  It was a single, clean, brutal slap... perfectly positioned for maximum effect... the kind I'd expect if I were someone's prison bitch.  A perfect bull's eye.

[attach=1]

Cute, but vicious.

If I'd died of a heart attack due to the abrupt shock of this event, nobody would ever know my daughter killed me.  They'd just attribute it to me being a fat tub of shit.

You take your goddamn adorable child elsewhere. I don't want to have to rethink my vasectomy plans.

albrecht

Quote from: MV on June 18, 2014, 02:08:54 PM
My daughter is 21 months old now.  Last night I decided to let her go to bed with me since she's so cute and cuddly.  After about 20 or 30 minutes of her usual tossing and turning, it seemed clear she'd finally fallen to sleep, as there was zero movement and no sound whatsoever.  Thus, I began my slow descent into stage 1 sleep. 

Probably somewhere around stage 3, I nearly shit the bed due to the shock of her petite little hand slapping me in the face with all of the force her little baby arm could muster.  It was a single, clean, brutal slap... perfectly positioned for maximum effect... the kind I'd expect if I were someone's prison bitch.  A perfect bull's eye.

[attach=1]

Cute, but vicious.

If I'd died of a heart attack due to the abrupt shock of this event, nobody would ever know my daughter killed me.  They'd just attribute it to me being a fat tub of shit.
Was she a "mean baby" that George always talks about or was this a one-off?

pate


THIS? WILL BLOW YOUR MIND! Anunnaki in the ANTARCTIC?

I'm goofing around on the intar-tubes as usual and I find a link to this video, I start watching it as I enjoy working on my GUCT (Grand Unified Conspiracy Theory); the video has just about everything except Bigfoot and Elvis...

At about 19:13 or so I see sNorge, only the Russians seem to imply that it's really Hitler during WWI or something...

Coincidence?  You be the judge


Yorkshire pud

Quote from: coaster on June 18, 2014, 03:00:36 PM
They should be prohibited. Have you ever stepped on one of those damn things? Ban them all..

Put a knee down on a two brick....or stand on a three pin plug (Extra instant pain points if it's done in the dark). Oh hang on, you don't have three pin plugs in the States,,,this is how we take the electric magic out of the wall. Distance between the two horizontal pins is about an inch, so you get extra pain points to make your brain explode.


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