My Descent Into Psychosis

[AZZERAE]

The log book and recollections of a Schizophrenic.

[AZZERAE]

Paranoia I

Earlier this year was when my fall into absolute solipsism occurred. I will detail the events as best I can recall, however, due to the nature of the psychiatric medications I am on, and their doses, my memory operates at a far lesser degree that it once did. This is both a relief and a tragedy.

Over the period of approximately 6 months, I began believing I was to be assassinated. I boarded up the windows of my city apartment and a feeling of intense adrenaline and overwhelming dread engulfed me â€" I'd never felt anything at the intensity I was experiencing it, at the time. An anxiousness of extreme proportions incessantly lived in the centre of my chest, and my stomach was constantly shifting between excruciating pain, and a wide array of uneasiness.

During this time there were many instances where I acted out of character. Personal tasks took on a gargantuan impossibility, and I was losing touch with reality in every sense one could do so. When full psychosis took hold, I could see camera's in the ceiling of my apartment, in my mind's eye, as well as physically. I had convinced myself I was being watched, and hid from strangers a block away when they would go about their business, and even though its highly unlikely they could see me at all, I believed they were watching and monitoring my every move, planning my demise. This went on day and night. I did not discuss this with anybody, because, to me, it was really happening, and I had been spending 99% of my waking hours alone.

Small things became large, my perceptions became more and more distorted, and unbeknownst to me, I was heading toward complete and utter insanity. I'd shift between elation, on cloud 9, filled with urgency and ecstasy, to low, low cycles of the blackest, inescapable depression.

You might at this point ask yourself, how could such a capable, seemingly intelligent individual as I possibly have gone through something that so evidently resembled "crazy". Well, a lot of you dislike my way, and that's fine, but I do hope you can parse the fact I'm one smart cookie from the fact I'm someone who you don't care to engage with, due to my unsavoury personality traits that jar with yours.

I'm writing this because I want you all to know that sometimes my paranoia gets the best of me. That when this happens, its easy as pie (or has been) for me to buy in to the possibly ludicrous conspiracies against and surrounding certain prominent users of the forum.

I'd like to apologize, but its hard, since the courtesy I'd be giving those with bad intentions would not be given to me in return. Suffice it to say, I don't particularly believe some of the "common consensus" about perceived overlords watching over and commanding an ominous presence, targeting peons such as I for their own amusement. While there may be but a kernel of truth to any of it remains irrelevant to me now, since I have for a couple 3 months begun to recover fully from the specific delusions that made me act out.

I sincerely trust you'll take that for what it's worth.

[starramus]

 [attachment=1]

I highly recommend this book. It very well might mean the beginning of your cure. The most important point brought out in the book is to "avoid the listening mode".

[Dr. MD MD]

You two have my vote for biggest Bellgab psychos.

[AZZERAE]

"avoid the listening mode".

Hey, thanks!

[DynamoHum]

I hope you are feeling better now.

[starramus]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBban0iDWkw

[ItsOver]

You two have my vote for biggest Bellgab psychos.

LOL.  That's quite an achievement. 

[AZZERAE]

I hope you are feeling better now.

Profound. I wish I could discern whether you're being sincere or not.

[Jojo]

Paranoia I
...
Suffice it to say, I don't particularly believe some of the "common consensus" about perceived overlords watching over and commanding an ominous presence, targeting peons such as I for their own amusement. While there may be but a kernel of truth to any of it remains irrelevant to me now...

I never heard of it that way.  What I heard what that Hitler's research was relocated to the US and may have continued as covert remote mind control programs.  Each of us has over 38 levels of consciousness plus no human can view audio/video 24/7 because the watcher has his own biological needs.  So, if there is anything weird going on, wouldn't it have to be a huge team effort of an organization that has staff and money which is basically available anytime, anywhere.  Who do we know like that.  Would they pass an audit?  Anyhow, I don't think any mortal has the capacity act like what you're saying, but maybe a team.  But for someone recovering from schizophrenia, maybe I shouldn't side track you from your recovery.

I like how you are reviewing the past to document it.  Reviewing things is a wonderful tool.  Having multiple calenders can help a person review things later, too.  Like, one calendar for feeling, another calendar for hallucinations in the home, another calendar for hallucinations at a certain place, etc...  That way, when you want to review, the facts are simple to re-gather.

[Chocolate coated jackboot]

Maybe lay off the NIN for awhile

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hb098UizK-w

[MV/Liberace!]

How did you wind up getting help? Did someone push you into treatment? It seems a person who is experiencing mental problems is often the last to know they need help, but that could be incorrect altogether.

[AZZERAE]

Thank you, Dynamo. Thank you, if you mean it - I don't mean to be rude.

[AZZERAE]

I never heard of it that way.  What I heard what that Hitler's research was relocated to the US and may have continued as covert remote mind control programs.  Each of us has over 38 levels of consciousness plus no human can view audio/video 24/7 because the watcher has his own biological needs.  So, if there is anything weird going on, wouldn't it have to be a huge team effort of an organization that has staff and money which is basically available anytime, anywhere.  Who do we know like that.  Would they pass an audit?

I hear you. The trouble is, when in the frame of mind of heightened paranoia, although I could rationalize my assassination being planned, and everyone being out to get me, the actual likelihood of it having been real is probably completely false.

I don't think it helps to look at such a thing from a logical standpoint and try to figure out if its possible, because its just not. As you said.

Anyhow, I don't think any mortal has the capacity act like what you're saying, but maybe a team.  But for someone recovering from schizophrenia, maybe I shouldn't side track you from your recovery.

No, no, I appreciate your thoughts on the matter, greatly. I am doing a lot better, thanks to the medication, and have suffered very few side effects, if any. And don't worry, you aren't sidetracking my recovery ... it helps to share and chat about it all like this.

I like how you are reviewing the past to document it.  Reviewing things is a wonderful tool.  Having multiple calenders can help a person review things later, too.  Like, one calendar for feeling, another calendar for hallucinations in the home, another calendar for hallucinations at a certain place, etc...  That way, when you want to review, the facts are simple to re-gather.

Thanks. I never said this before, I don't think, but time (like clocks, calendars etc.) are a bit tricky for me. I don't keep a calendar near me on my office wall, and I very rarely look at the time - unless I really have to keep time for a specific task. This is because time constraints induce a lot of anxiety and are quite a big factor in stress creation for me.

If I'm obligated to be somewhere at a certain time - which happens rarely - or am to expect a call, go to an appointment, communicate with someone for an extended period of time, without being to back out of it, I begin to get very uneasy. In a nutshell, communication terrifies me, and puts me on edge. It sounds so stupid, probably, but it just makes me get a bit "rain man".

I'm fucked.

[AZZERAE]

Maybe lay off the NIN for awhile

Holy shit. That's my favourite band. Yeah dude!

I don't listen to it much nowadays, because it takes me back to a dark place - but like the narrator says in the video you shared - its as addictive as heroin. Okay, I've never done heroin, I'm more of a coke gal, but anyway, the high is similar to the rush that listening to the music provides.

[AZZERAE]

How did you wind up getting help? Did someone push you into treatment? It seems a person who is experiencing mental problems is often the last to know they need help, but that could be incorrect altogether.

A sibling. Although I was spending a lot of my time alone, I was sharing an apartment with my brother, who worked long hours. When he would come home, after a long day, I would apparently be reacting to things that were not real. I only know most of what occurred because its been told to me after the fact, and I've had to do a lot of self-analysis as part of my treatment. I can remember snippets of things that were very unusual (and now embarrass me) but I was not cognizant of the fact that I'd lost my shit.

I wasn't pushed into treatment though, no. And I'll address your point on when one is seriously mentally ill not having insight into what it is that's happening until there's an intervention. But what happened, and how I got help started with me going on these long winded stream of consciousness rants to my brother when he'd get home. Stuff that really made absolutely no sense. He's a very quiet person, but cares for me deeply, even though he isn't overly expressive of his emotions outwardly. He just thought I was being full of shit. But I would snap a lot, like yell and scream when he was around me, and I was really on edge, for no reason. My moods were volatile. That wasn't the main issue though. I began accusing him of things, and screaming at him over stuff that was going on in my head that wasn't real. The poor guy was just looking at me like 'what the fuck', however, he was really good about it, in that he'd just walk away and not engage the things I was saying. Apparently how most people should treat schizophrenics â€" but that's just his nature â€" he didn't know that was the right way to handle it â€" its just him. But I do believe hes way beyond his years in some ways.

One night I began bashing my fists into my own head and screaming at him, following him around, and he just went to his room and sat there and waited for me to stop rambling on about the nonsense that seemed perfectly rational to me in my own mind. I eventually retreated, but the following day, when I was alone again, I felt myself go from ecstasy to multiple visions of my own suicide, coupled with a sadness I can't put into words. Depression is more like it, but words can't describe these feelings, they're too intense. One other thing I'll mention â€" because these events may sound tame â€" is I had been living with a feeling of dread and anxiety in the pit of my stomach and chest for months and months on end, and I was convinced that the ceilings of my apartment were bugged and I kept searching for video camera's. I believed they were there, and could see them in my mind, but I couldn't find them. I kept looking and looking and looking in the same spots, over and over again, saying to myself they're so well hidden, and that's why I can't find them. I also believed I was going to be killed by somebody in my apartment block, and if not me, my brother would be offed. Insignificant things like a mark on the side of my car I hadn't noticed before would mean, to me, that somebody had shot at me. If I heard a noise of any type, I believed wholeheartedly it was directed at me. And then came the voices. The voices that told me I'd die, and that they hated me.

When my brother got home from work the following day, I told him about the mood swings. I didn't tel him about the camera's, and I can't remember why. If I had, perhaps he'd have realized I was bat shit at that point. But I had told him I was struggling, and he had told me I should go to the doctor. I used my same old excuse about not being able to afford it (because at this point, how disorganized I had become in my mind and waking life had rendered me absolutely broke due to not being able to concentrate on anything other than what I was hearing or seeing stopped me from progressing on any work whatsoever for 6 months plus). My brother told me I could't keep saying I didn't have money, and that I should just go to the doctor. So I did. And my GP immediately put me on antidepressants.

A couple weeks later, I met and sat down with my parents, and came clean about what was going on with me. I did this because I am very close to them, and open about most things, and felt they should know. They were quite understanding, even though my mother has never held psychiatry in very high regard, she was understanding. I think this is another reason I never got help fr a long time. I believed that because my mom was sceptical of mental illness being a thing, I should be wary of it. But I did know, for quite a few years, that something was wrong, and that I had changed. The antidepressants knocked me out so hard, but I finally felt grounded. They did make me feel really sick at first, but then, I can't put into words, how great it is, to finally feel stable, after years of feeling like you need to jump off a bridge. I don't believe in suicide, I really don't. But at my worst, I was bombarded with visions of my own death. And it was extremely confusing!

So, upon seeing the GP, and being put on the antidepressants, he referred me to a therapist (a psychologist). But before I met with this psychologist, I had begun making notes about the things I needed to tell her. Things like me hearing voices. This is the one thing I'd never told anybody before in my entire life, because â€" and I know this sounds crazy â€" but to me, it felt normal. I never thought about it as something strange. A voice telling me I'm going to die and it hates me. Yeah, I lived with that shit, and it was as straightforward as the grass being green or the sky blue. I had told her a whole lot of things, a tic I had, uncontrollable laughter episodes, mood swings … but when I arrived at the voices, was when the expression on her face changed. I don't think therapists are supposed to be very expressive, so she probably fucked up, but as I told her, she said, like, okay … and got up and went over to her computer and started typing what she said was a letter. Then she said I'm not gonna like what she's going to say, and said she wants to refer me to a specialist. I was quite okay with it, quite honestly I was thrilled I was addressing the very things that were driving me in the direction of becoming utterly useless to society at large. I was so happy. She gave me 2 psychiatrists names, one male, one female. I asked her which she knew. Luckily it was the woman psychiatrist (because I have a hard time opening up to men in this setting). When I went to this psychiatrist, she was amazing, and I've since been to regular visits with her, and gone from strength to strength. I get that for some people taking medication for mental illness is controversial, but it works well for me, and I know for a fact I wouldn't be here if it weren't for allopathic medicine. I've had other health problems throughout my life that were beaten with medication. One thing that sticks in my craw is the new-agey homeopathy trend, and wanting to combat things like mental illness with "natural methods". Sure, as far as diet, exercise and leading balanced lifestyle is concerned, that helps tremendously … but as far crushing herbs and gawking into crystal balls to combat something as terrifying as Schizophrenia, I am of little faith.

Your presumption regarding one who is mentally ill being the last to know they have a problem is heard, and I believe its correct. I only really knew what had become of me, and where I was headed after I started seeing professionals about the issues I was facing. I truly believe my paranoia and mood swings would've wound me up in a state of injuring myself physically, or perhaps even ending my life. I get how Albrecht may see me only picking up on my real problems after having seen a professional in the field of mental health as a problem, because its like a feedback loop of indoctrination on people who are otherwise seeking an explanation for behaviour they don't understand â€" and we're putty in the hands of the doctors who oversee our recovery. I'm feeling way better though, on the drugs I've been given, and have made progress in areas of my life that seemed impossible before I got on the drugs. So I would say that is a miracle by my own standards. And I'm grateful.

I understand that it may be lame, to some, that I lay out my life story, shop window, front and centre â€" but for others, perhaps its compelling a read (and one that provides answers). I can respect if there's distrust of whether or not there's validity to my claims. But I know what's happened, and whether what I say is accurate. I think it'd be too hard to lie about such things.

I also read in one of your posts that you struggled with a sibling who was/is afflicted with mental illness. And I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to deal with â€" to be on the receiving end of some of the behaviour that stems from such a situation. I sympathize, really I do. As ashamed as I am at what I put my own brother through.

Another thing that helped, was you giving me a time out. Maybe. One of the final things I'll say on all this, is that I'm not an expert on anything, I've just gone through a scary set of experiences where my own mind has played a hell of a lot of tricks on me, and I only came to realize it after the fact. So any number of my descriptions or recollections may be inaccurate in places, and there's not much I can do about that, aside from ask those around me, or write things down when my memory' return (which I do, as part of treatment).

And lastly, I came across a video which may be of interest to Albrecht particularly, but is a helpful reminder, that any diagnosis is a pattern, and the human mind picks up on and tries to understand patterns, which is a real danger of something like the DSM-5.

[jedimiller]

WOW. I had a psychotic GF.  SHE WAS GREAT IN BED. I bet you're great in the sack

[AZZERAE]

[VC]

I'm feeling way better though, on the drugs I've been given, and have made progress in areas of my life that seemed impossible before I got on the drugs. So I would say that is a miracle by my own standards. And I'm grateful.

Nice to know you're finding a way to recovery that is helped with medication that doesn't have bad side-effects. I knew someone that had terrible side-effects from their meds and mental health problems, and they lost their life as a result of their mental illness. It's important that you keep trying and don't stop taking your meds, because the real problems will come back and get worse if you start cycling in relapses without your meds. You might need different types and doses as you make progress, but just don't give-up and work with your doctors to find the right meds/doses so you can keep on track and not stop. This is most important, seriously.

Another thing that helped, was you giving me a time out. Maybe. One of the final things I'll say on all this, is that I'm not an expert on anything, I've just gone through a scary set of experiences where my own mind has played a hell of a lot of tricks on me, and I only came to realize it after the fact. So any number of my descriptions or recollections may be inaccurate in places, and there's not much I can do about that, aside from ask those around me, or write things down when my memory' return (which I do, as part of treatment).

And lastly, I came across a video which may be of interest to Albrecht particularly, but is a helpful reminder, that any diagnosis is a pattern, and the human mind picks up on and tries to understand patterns, which is a real danger of something like the DSM-5.

Do you recall if you were using multiple accounts here at BG? Care to be open and share about that too?

Just curious about alters and sock puppets, as you know I was hassled a lot by an alter/SP Metron2267.

[AZZERAE]

Nice to know you're finding a way to recovery that is helped with medication that doesn't have bad side-effects. I knew someone that had terrible side-effects from their meds and mental health problems, and they lost their life as a result of their mental illness.

I'm really sorry to hear that. That is very sad.

It's important that you keep trying and don't stop taking your meds, because the real problems will come back and get worse if you start cycling in relapses without your meds. You might need different types and doses as you make progress, but just don't give-up and work with your doctors to find the right meds/doses so you can keep on track and not stop. This is most important, seriously.

I agree 100% - I actually have this fear (an apparent delusion), that a group of people will stage an intervention - take away my medication - and then I'll wind up having to experience the things I had to before I got on them ... only at this point is where I'd consider suicide. Its too miserable to live like that again, and my poor family and friends having to endure the volatile nature of my moods is something I don't wish on anyone. Although suicide would hurt them, constant instability on my part affecting everyone around me causes just as much, if not more, incremental pain.

Do you recall if you were using multiple accounts here at BG? Care to be open and share about that too?

I've told you many times that I don't use any other accounts. This is a suspicion of yours that I think is fed largely by the fact that I do have enemies (such as Bart Ell and Little Sean), as well as the fact that I believe my account (this very account I'm using) has been hacked into, and used by someone else before. I've been banned once from the forum, but discussed the nature of why with the party concerned, and was satisfied. What is creepy to me is that I don't know who was using my account. Fortunately, it seems safe now.

Just curious about alters and sock puppets, as you know I was hassled a lot by an alter/SP Metron2267.

I don't really know if I can trust you, because you've insulted me quite a bit on this board - and that's been unpleasant to say the least. I in fact do not know that Metron hassled you ... I don't remember that at all, truly, VC. Metron was however my friend, but we lost touch when he was banished here, and I had to accept that and move on.

I do have one question for you, which has been asked by others here, that you didn't seem to address. Was that you who called into Heather's show last week about Art's suicide?

I'm not pressuring you to answer, I can't make you ... but I also have my curiosities.

Also, you wrote a post (presumably addressed to me) in which you stated:

Having fun trying to log in, @Smoko, @JUT , @Azzerae , @Nazia ?

See what happens when you share your account with known psychotic @26 horses? aka Metron2267

2 mental cases 1 account

Who the fuck are those accounts aside from "Azzerae" in your post, and what makes you loosely associate them with me?

Its deeply disturbing the lengths you go to monitor me ... like really creepy dude. So what gives?

One more thing: are you buddies with Bart Ell? Like, why do you seem to speak for him and represent his version of reality (which is often nonsense) here, at BellGab?

Remember where you are!

[AZZERAE]

Paranoia II

Visions and hallucinations have affected me for most of my life. In good (and bad) ways. But the thing that got in the way of my personal relationships with people was something that, on its face, may sound silly: incessant, uncontrollable laughter. I'm not just talking about at inappropriate times, or my apparent "dark" sense of humour...no, its more than that. I would be sitting around with people in any given social setting and begin giggling like an idiot â€" at something only I could see. And no, it wasn't physical, in the way you or I are, no! These are things I'd be seeing though. I saw each and every scene vividly. Friends would sometimes get annoyed, or ask, confused, what the fuck I was laughing at. I'd repeat some phrase that went along with the scene I was seeing in my mind's eye, and they'd be dumbfounded. I was having a blast! It was hilarious â€" to me â€" but no one else could see what it was that was so funny. This went on for many, many years. Now that I think back, there was possibly some pattern to it. When I was having laughing fits at absolutely nothing because of the abundance of chemicals in my brain, I was either buzzing with anger or too exhausted to do anything other than sleep for 12 hours, or lay on the couch...my personality vacant, replaced with a severe numbness.

I drank a lot. It began in college. And then came the pot. I drank to get drunk, from the get go. That's what me and my buddies did. Liquor was fucking amazing. I'd drink a bottle of something, then go smoke a joint, drink another bottle, follow it with a joint. Rinse, repeat. Day in, day out. At some point I didn't even feel real, I just felt like a ghost floating through the same repetitive activities each and every day. I always had money, despite not having a job of any kind. For some reason, I could scheme my way to always having enough coin in my pocket to score another little fix. Cocaine was like playing a fucking first-person shooter game, but I was God. And when I'm God, everyone dies. It took me to the heights of confidence I could only achieve when riding one of my manic highs (the uncontrollable laughter, pure ecstasy).

Over the years, I began to retreat into myself, in the week. Being able to work for yourself provides a wonderfully convenient outlet to give in to all of your impulses, and still make bank. I became more and more acquainted with my own company, in scribbling word salad on notebook paper, and impressing myself. I followed a lot of direction from some unknown and visceral force within me. One which had no name, but possessed a fiercely independent spirit, a defiant character, and an evil intent. Self destruction. That is the goal. Nihilism. Its all there is. No hope, no way out...to just die and kill the self instead of feed an ego, as a way of humbling oneself...it all seemed perfectly natural. I was no narcissist, no sycophant. By destroying myself, and by sabotaging my very own efforts I could attain a level of true enlightenment. It was all sacred sin. The damning of the soul, a sacred act. This eventually led to a place after years of self-hatred in which I had worn down every bit of my pride to virtually nothing. I couldn't muster a good word for myself, and my inner voice told me how colossally I continued to fail. That inner voice, yes. I remember not long ago, its echoes...but now I know, that that inner voice was not me. I didn't need to pay it any mind. Easier said than done! My self esteem could barely fill a thimble, to this day. But I work at being able to accept compliments. I have to "reality check" each and every occurrence with another human being, and this proves difficult when running ones own business.

I follow my intuition a lot, in my work, and I do listen to my gut. But my mind was at some point, shattered into a million pieces by something very possibly out of my control. I listen to the doctors explain what it is the reason for these things are, and they make sense. I believe in medicine.

But there are times, oh, there are indeed...where none of that is enough, and I begin to believe that even the doctors who saved me are concocting a pyramid scheme of shame that'll do away with me. After all, you look to the research on these drugs they push, and its clear as day my life, although fuller and more comfortable on them, is going to turn out a lot shorter than any euthymics would. But maybe that's good! After all, it is myself who I despise, as puny as the steps I make to recover are.

I remember, when I was still drinking alcohol (something I'm unable to do on anti-psychotics, antidepressants AND mood stabilizers â€" yes I take all 3) I began having these blackouts. Psychotic breaks. I would go ballistic, accuse friends of things at parties, steal shit, insult people, drive drunk as fuck for 20 miles plus, home. Its no wonder I never wrapped myself round a pole. In my manic states I did offer hitchhikers rides a few times â€" and boy, that turned out well for me. Not really. I've almost lost my life more times than I care t admit, and being attracted to the darkness like a moth to a flame, done the most stupid things imaginable, because I simply couldn't see things clearly as I was so goddamned unstable.

Everyone was out to get me. I never had a good day, not one. Little did I know it was all brain chemistry. Who woulda thunk?!

[DanTSX]

Trust Sessions!

[albrecht]

And lastly, I came across a video which may be of interest to Albrecht particularly, but is a helpful reminder, that any diagnosis is a pattern, and the human mind picks up on and tries to understand patterns, which is a real danger of something like the DSM-5.

Despite her "uumms and likes" I think she made some good points. Thanks. And I'm glad you are getting whatever help you need, as I do everyone. I'm not saying that psychiatry, psychology, or other things are necessarily wrong; indeed they help a lot of people. I just warn of dangers when they become State controlled coupled with the already, maybe lessening now, social stigma of them. Or when misused by others or companies, this can be seen also in the simple medical/physical side where Ads for drugs or online searches for a symptom makes a healthy person think "oh crap I must have xyz disease and need this medication. The actor on tv says I better "ask my doctor." Be well.

[AZZERAE]

Despite her "uumms and likes" I think she made some good points. Thanks.

Hehe, totally! While the therapist in question comes off a bit of a ditz, I believe she does drive home some good points.

I'm glad you are getting whatever help you need, as I do everyone.I

Thanks dude, I know.

I'm not saying that psychiatry [or] psychology...are necessarily wrong; indeed they help a lot of people. I just warn of dangers when they become State controlled coupled with the already, maybe lessening now, social stigma of them.

Yeah, I get what you're saying. What the KGB did under Stalin's rule was despicable to say the least (I read the material you shared, and I'm looking into as much more material of its nature that I can obtain).

...when misused by others or companies, this can be seen also in the simple medical/physical side where Ads for drugs or online searches for a symptom makes a healthy person think "oh crap I must have xyz disease and need this medication. The actor on tv says I better "ask my doctor." Be well.

It seems this is a major problem in America - the pushing of drugs on otherwise healthy people. In my country, for instance there are different policies in place that keep that kind of think at bay.

Free speech, a double edged sword?! Jus' kiddin'.

[VC]

It seems this is a major problem in America - the pushing of drugs on otherwise healthy people. In my country, for instance there are different policies in place that keep that kind of think at bay.

Can you share what country you're in now for treatment?

[VC]

Who the fuck are those accounts aside from "Azzerae" in your post, and what makes you loosely associate them with me?

[...]

One more thing: are you buddies with Bart Ell? Like, why do you seem to speak for him and represent his version of reality (which is often nonsense) here, at BellGab?

Remember where you are!

I was banned by Bart Ell at EG for complaining too many times about Dave Schrader's show format, so I don't speak for anyone over there.

Bart thought you were allowing Metron2267 aka 26 Horses to use your account to post at EG after M/26 was banned there. Apparently, 26 Horses tried using several ways to keep posting there including using your account. Maybe s/he hacked your account if you didn't give 26 your password?

You should use a strong password on your account, so no one can hack you again "here" or "there" IF that's what happened.

[VC]

I don't really know if I can trust you, because you've insulted me quite a bit on this board - and that's been unpleasant to say the least. I in fact do not know that Metron hassled you ... I don't remember that at all, truly, VC.

Sorry, I had no idea you were dealing with the problems you're posting about here now, and you were gone when Metron started hassling me. Since you created an entire Fan Thread for Metron2267 and seemed very sympathetic to at least some of HW's issues, I thought you were in league w/Metron to help troll people together. You posted in tandem w/Metron quite often.

[albrecht]

It seems this is a major problem in America - the pushing of drugs on otherwise healthy people. In my country, for instance there are different policies in place that keep that kind of think at bay.

Free speech, a double edged sword?! Jus' kiddin'.

There, historically, been a different view of free speech between individuals, churches, and commercial and various limitation differences, or not. Over the years the right has been ever expanded for commercial interests. In the US there is something called the Hudson Test based on a Court ruling in 1980 that is used currently and it is very liberal with regard to allowing commercial speech. I'm all for free speech but, maybe, this should be reviewed? Then was another ruling with regard to "disclaimers"- you know the annoying, often fast-paced like an auctioneer, towards the end of, or in small type, during some advertisement for a lawyer, car dealer financing, the latest painkiller, etc? *  There also is tradition is case law that certain "lies" "exaggerations" can be allowed in advertising called "puffery" because "no reasonable person" would believe it. "The best hamburger in the world" etc.

https://www.law.cornell.edu/supremecourt/text/447/557

* https://supreme.justia.com/cases/federal/us/471/626/

[Metron2267]

Trust Sessions!

But not Mueller.

[Dr. MD MD]

But not Mueller.

Neither.