Art Bell

[SredniVashtar]

Oh God BellBoy, I laughed so had I had to go change my underwear! 

Bellboy, you bastard! You've disrupted her bi-monthly rotation!

[whoozit]

Just remember this when the next brouhaha breaks out and don't forget I'll be there too.   

[SredniVashtar]

I noticed a certain anti-SV tendency in some of the comments on the last few pages, and I would like to provide my rebuttal. This is the executive one-page summary:

"Fuck you! You're all full of shit."

I am too modest to suggest it myself, but if I hadn't said a few home truths yesterday then Art wouldn't have come on and rubbed some ointment on those tender asses of yours. You'd all have been mewling and puking and fouling your swaddling clouts for another day and a half before the big boss came on to allay your fears.

Anyway, to address some of my detractors in detail, wretched specimens that they are:

Some posters are looking a little foolish today.

I'll take that under advisement. Personally I tend to question the judgement of a man who has Art's jizz dripping off his chin. I hope you get that keyboard cleaned regularly. Anyway, better to be interesting than right. Although you have managed neither so far.

*cough* SredniVashtar *cough*

I'm not a doctor (I never really bothered, it was too easy), but I think you should get that cough looked at. It must be a combination of mucus and Art's pubic hair getting stuck in your throat. I wouldn't want you to die and lose the inestimable pleasure of reading your contributions to this forum.

I think you can safely go back to harrassing Falkie. ta ta old chap.

I prefer to think of it as a long-distance courtship, and your jealousy has been duly noted. Hands off, bitch, he's mine!

To be fair, SV's main point was that Art, apparently, enjoys yanking the chain and watching the tail wag the dog. Art's post did nothing to address that point. It did, however, elicit an immediate spasm of ass kissing...

A good point, although slightly tempered by the fact that this poster clearly desires me carnally. I don't wish to imply anything improper, but he types all his posts about me with one hand. More on this in a moment.

Oh come on, SV is a lot of fun to read...

Again, a solid point, and shows that there is some good in even the humblest of creatures. Although people who use the ellipsis in a normal sentence are just signalling to others that, "I am a moron". Still, baby steps and we might get him up to third-grade writing level in a few years, with the necessary encouragement.

What's worse. Kissing ass or being an ass

Uncanny, that was the name of my doctoral thesis. I decided that it depends on the ass you're kissing.

More importantly, this gives me a chance to explain something that has made my existence such a misery. This one clearly wants me, but conceals her erotic frenzy behind a facade of hostility and disgust. Don't worry, dear, I shall work my charm on you by and by, you needn't fight it. And if that doesn't work I'll slip something in your drink.

I attend a support group three nights a week for those who suffer from Overpowering Sexual Charisma Syndrome (OSCS). After a narrow escape from a busload of Catholic schoolgirls I decided I had to get a grip on this thing before my life was in danger. They said that they couldn't guarantee success (the woman running the group had already tried to take my shirt off) but they would see what they could do. TigerLily's obvious sexual dementia where I am concerned tells me that I will have to go to four nights before I have a heart attack.

I still back SV

You know it makes sense.

We are like flies to wanton boys....we just don't want to ever lose you Art. 

I don't remember the quote from King Lear being quite that exactly. Perhaps it was a corrupted text.


Anyway, to conclude. Sometimes I get misinterpreted on here because I always make sure I tie half my brain behind my back, so as to give the others a chance. If I was myself, you bunch of brain-dead apes wouldn't have a clue what I was going on about. Think of it as sign-language to a load of gorillas and we might avoid this kind of confusion in the future.

It's just banter. English chaps like banter don't they. I see him use banter all the time. A little ribbing never hurt anyone.

[BellBoy]

Bellboy, you bastard! You've disrupted her bi-monthly rotation!

I've apparently mislaid my calendar... does this mean she's now brown-in-front/yellow-in-back or vice versa?
I tend to lose track.

[SredniVashtar]

I've apparently mislaid my calendar... does this mean she's now brown-in-front/yellow-in-back or vice versa?
I tend to lose track.

I expect they just go inside out, as usual.

[BellBoy]

I expect they just go inside out, as usual.

Understood. However, the schedule is, in my opinion, all too confusing and I'm really not sure how the responsibility for its implementation fell upon me in the first place.

I guess it serves me right, for showing up to the planning meetings completely drunk.

[SredniVashtar]

Understood. However, the schedule is, in my opinion, all too confusing and I'm really not sure how the responsibility for its implementation fell upon me in the first place.

I guess it serves me right, for showing up to the planning meetings completely drunk.

Don't worry, she is well stricken in years so you won't have the responsibility for too much longer. Either that or take her wheelchair for a ride a little too close to the railway tracks. I shall let you use your judgement.

[BellBoy]

Don't worry, she is well stricken in years so you won't have the responsibility for too much longer. Either that or take her wheelchair for a ride a little too close to the railway tracks. I shall let you use your judgement.

Hmmm, a trip on the Jubilee Line at say, Waterloo Station looks, quite statistically, promising. 

[SredniVashtar]

Hmmm, a trip on the Jubilee Line at say, Waterloo Station looks, quite statistically, promising. 

Too classy. Take her on the Northern Line and blame the 'accident' on werewolves. That's what I always do.

Don't forget, remember to put her in the luggage rack, with all the other old bags.

[cweb]

Can we please go back to this kind of Art Bell thread?

[BellBoy]

Too classy. Take her on the Northern Line and blame the 'accident' on werewolves. That's what I always do.

Don't forget, remember to put her in the luggage rack, with all the other old bags.

One must never underestimate the value of the knowledge of a local boy. 

Here, in the West Country, we usually just feed them to the pigs. Problem solved. Crude and inelegant? Perhaps, but that's farmers for you.

[Ms. C]

Can we please go back to this kind of Art Bell thread?

moar of this, please   

[SredniVashtar]

One must never underestimate the value of the knowledge of a local boy. 

Here, in the West Country, we usually just feed them to the pigs. Problem solved. Crude and inelegant? Perhaps, but that's farmers for you.

I once got this from a farmer's son:

"We don't know much, but we do know three things: we know how to drink; we know how to drive a tractor; and we know how to fuck."

I can vouch that at least two of those statements were accurate.

[Roswells, Art]

+1 Extremely cool, Ros

Thanks TigerLily. 

[NoMoreNoory]

Sredni (please get my name right; I promised my mother  )

Unforgivable of me, Shred Knee. My humble apologies to you, HH and, of course, polecat-ferrets everywhere. All hail, the great god!

[PING]

Will this be our reaction come Monday night?

[AppealPlay]

I'm thinking more like this.

[kennedymaure]

I'm thinking more like this.

Cant we all get along until Monday?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYGWG2_PB_Q

I didn't think so.

[chefist]

I know some were upset by Art's cryptic messages, but it has made for one of the most entertaining weekends here on BG in a long time!

[onan]

I know some were upset by Art's cryptic messages, but it has made for one of the most entertaining weekends here on BG in a long time!

Yeah, well, your definition of entertainment is somewhat different than mine.

[chefist]

Yeah, well, your definition of entertainment is somewhat different than mine.

Lol it's more an exercise in human nature...

[Dateline]

After being ostracized last evening from a tequila laden sewing bee and in tears of rejected remorse, I had a tumultuous night, tossing and turning to the wee hours of the morn.  As dawn rose, so did the fore site of a possibility borne of Art's new Facebook face.  Could it be that MV will shutter Bellgab and force the remaining Time Travelers to lite on Facebook?  This would mean that the almost instantaneous posting would be performed on Facebook.  All the vaguely loveable would be required to conform to the norms of Facebook.  No more Whitecrow.  No more Bad Grandma.  No more. . .

[SredniVashtar]

After being ostracized last evening from a tequila laden sewing bee and in tears of rejected remorse, I had a tumultuous night, tossing and turning to the wee hours of the morn.  As dawn rose, so did the fore site of a possibility borne of Art's new Facebook face.  Could it be that MV will shutter Bellgab and force the remaining Time Travelers to lite on Facebook?  This would mean that the almost instantaneous posting would be performed on Facebook.  All the vaguely loveable would be required to conform to the norms of Facebook.  No more Whitecrow.  No more Bad Grandma.  No more. . .

It sounds like you've more than made up for it by partying hardy all by yourself. I don't think the effects have quite worn off yet. Bloody Mary mix works for me.

Bloody hell!

[kennedymaure]

Yeah, well, your definition of entertainment is somewhat different than mine.

It's Monday in Hong Kong, I think Art can cough up the fur ball.

[TigerLily]

After being ostracized last evening from a tequila laden sewing bee and in tears of rejected remorse, I had a tumultuous night, tossing and turning to the wee hours of the morn.  As dawn rose, so did the fore site of a possibility borne of Art's new Facebook face.  Could it be that MV will shutter Bellgab and force the remaining Time Travelers to lite on Facebook?  This would mean that the almost instantaneous posting would be performed on Facebook.  All the vaguely loveable would be required to conform to the norms of Facebook.  No more Whitecrow.  No more Bad Grandma.  No more. . .

Oh no, mouse. Say it ain't so. Most of us would never make it in the world of Social Media. We need to stay here in our toasty warm cocoon where we know and love/hate each other.
Once again, I the eternal optimist cannot believe this could be true. If Art/MV were planning this why would he post everywhere instead of just here. Nah...not buying it (please, please don't be true)

[TigerLily]

It's Monday in Hong Kong, I think Art can cough up the fur ball.

Yes. I was just wondering if it would be early in the day Monday or would he wait to announce it on his show. Not that I'm worried. Not one bit. Nope, not me. Uh uh . (Om mani padme om...Om mani padme om)

[BellBoy]

After being ostracized last evening from a tequila laden sewing bee and in tears of rejected remorse, I had a tumultuous night, tossing and turning to the wee hours of the morn.  As dawn rose, so did the fore site of a possibility borne of Art's new Facebook face.  Could it be that MV will shutter Bellgab and force the remaining Time Travelers to lite on Facebook?  This would mean that the almost instantaneous posting would be performed on Facebook.  All the vaguely loveable would be required to conform to the norms of Facebook.  No more Whitecrow.  No more Bad Grandma.  No more. . .

Then we can all have our, heavily moderated, 'fun' under the kind, benevolent and ever watchful eyes of our new Facebook overlords.



Bye, bye vaguely lovable... hello jack-booted conformity!

Hail MZ!

[AppealPlay]

I hope Art makes his announcement at the start of the show instead of going all in at the end (like on the SiriusXM show).

[Dateline]

Oh no, mouse. Say it ain't so. Most of us would never make it in the world of Social Media. We need to stay here in our toasty warm cocoon where we know and love/hate each other.
Once again, I the eternal optimist cannot believe this could be true. If Art/MV were planning this why would he post everywhere instead of just here. Nah...not buying it (please, please don't be true)

I was just sharing one of my worst nightmares short of Art retiring.  I would not last one second on social media, Facebook, either.  I have to be real, have a real person name.  I suppose I could be Minnie Mouse.

Coast has a model like that.  They post on Facebook, it spun off that. 

There are the words hate and shock in some of the cryptic messages.  This would be something I would hate, and it would shock me if it happened. 

[kennedymaure]

I was just sharing one of my worst nightmares short of Art retiring.  I would not last one second on social media, Facebook, either.  I have to be real, have a real person name.  I suppose I could be Minnie Mouse.

Coast has a model like that.  They post on Facebook, it spun off that. 

There are the words hate and shock in some of the cryptic messages.  This would be something I would hate, and it would shock me if it happened.

You should have no fear of this, I haven't had a real name or location on facebook in 7 years.