George Noory Sucks! - The Definitive Compendium

[The Professor]

George is on a quest for the truth...Why? To be sure
That he is NOT passing it on to his audience?

[The Professor]

The guest said you may die in your sleep, wake up,
And be very confused about where you are...

Here is a simple test: turn your radio to coast-to-coast...
If the show has a good host, you've gone to a better place...

[The Professor]

Oh, lord...noory OHMPHEN lines coming up...I'm not sure
I can take it...noory goes with open lines like dumb goes with boring...

It's dumb! It's boring! No, it's both!!!

[11angeleyes11]

Did he actually say the words, "quest for the truth?"  or was that your interpretation.  I have always been on a quest for the truth in regards to Coast.  My quest has been to discover the true ratings for Coast.

[The Professor]

I've got a new invention, which I call Georges Box---it
Works like Franks box, except it's audio source is broadcasts
Of coast-to-coast...using this raw audio energy, the dead can
Form speech, although they can only say dull, moronic things, or shill
Worthless products...

[11angeleyes11]

This is easy.  August 15 begins the weekend and listeners get to hear Ian and George Knapp.  It will begin on the East Coast and spread across the land, from Coast to Coast.

[11angeleyes11]

It must be the eveing for coincidences, as my De-Suckification score is now -1.  This matches my avatar.  I am seeing ones everywhere.

[The Professor]

please start posting folks, the show is hitting it's weekly low
Point---the nighthawk flying solo..

The should really just run ShamWow
Commercials for three hours Friday nights...

[The Professor]

Noory criticized the caller who criticized Quayles
Nutty giant theories...

According to George, you should be able to
State things without criticism as long as you believe
Them...

I'll let others note the logical paradox in the above,
And instead just note that Noory is indeed wide open
For our attacks, in that case...

[The Professor]

Also George says quayles nutball
Religious beliefs don't undermine his
Credibility, because Quayle believes it...

It seems like Noory needs a course in
Remedial English...I don't think we could be
Speaking the same language...

[Supernormal]

According to my interpretation of Genesis, cats and dogs are descended from the Nephilim. They entered our world through a stargate. They will eat their masters in 2012. My belief is as good as any other belief, and you're a bigot if you don't believe me.

[Supernormal]

August 15 east cost event---I've solved it! My sister is
Getting married Aug 15th, and she lives in NY city....
(I just got back from the reversal...)

Reversal? Was that a Freudian slip? ;-)

[The Professor]

According to my interpretation of Genesis, cats and dogs are descended from the Nephilim. They entered our world through a stargate. They will eat their masters in 2012. My belief is as good as any other belief, and you're a bigot if you don't believe me.

Your logic is unassailable...by noory.

Indeed, that sounds like guest material
If you make it a bit more farout...

[The Professor]

Noory said in 80 years everyone
Listening to his show will be dead...

I'd give it an hour...

[The Professor]

Reversal? Was that a Freudian slip? ;-)

An iPhone slip...

[Supernormal]

Your logic is unassailable...by noory.

Indeed, that sounds like guest material
If you make it a bit more farout...

I don't know any cats who were neutered, but that doesn't mean that they don't exist. You don't know any dogs who are really demons that eat people. (reference to abductee call)

[The Professor]

Oh lord, Noory is gonna play his harmonica...

I think this is the august 15 catastrophe predicted
By franks box...

Is noory doing any experiment to see
How low he can drive the ratings?

[The Professor]

I don't know any cats who were neutered, but that doesn't mean that they don't exist. You don't know any dogs who are really demons that eat people. (reference to abductee call)

Could the dogs and cats in your theory be giant?
Because that would make you guest material for sure...

[Supernormal]

George promised to play the harmonica? "Threatened" is more like it. It just gets worse and worse. It sounds like a good time to test the "mute" button.

[The Professor]

I have to tune out for awhile, no way I can listen to noorys harmonica...

Oh, wait...I'm only listening to kill
My virus...this should do it once and
For all, I just hope I survive...

[Supernormal]

Could the dogs and cats in your theory be giant?
Because that would make you guest material for sure...

Quayle Voice: "There's nothing great about Great Danes. There's nothing saintly about Saint Bernards."

[PB the Deplorable]

George:  'Great story about Bob Dylan...'  George goes on to give us 'breaking news' about Dylan not being known by the cops as he was walking around before a show.

How is that a Great Story?  How is that Incredible?  How is that relevant to anything relating to Coast to Coast?

[PB the Deplorable]

I have to tune out for awhile, no way I can listen to noorys harmonica...

Still talking about Dylan and the harmonica.  So he plays a recording of 'Blowin' In The Wind'.  'That wasn't me on harmonica', says George.

No shit.  That wasn't yew, George?

[Supernormal]

I have to tune out for awhile, no way I can listen to noorys harmonica...

Oh, wait...I'm only listening to kill
My virus...this should do it once and
For all, I just hope I survive...

You listened to the past few shows. You've built up your immunity to stupidity.

Noory just played a short clip of "Blowin' In The Wind" by the one and only Bob Dylan.

Noory (after he played it): "Now, that was Bob Dylan, not me."

[PB the Deplorable]

Oh Jaysis.  THAT is George.

Ok Professor, that should about do it for that virus you had.

[PB the Deplorable]

Always reaching (retching?) for a new low..

[Supernormal]

Also George says quayles nutball
Religious beliefs don't undermine his
Credibility, because Quayle believes it...

It seems like Noory needs a course in
Remedial English...I don't think we could be
Speaking the same language...

Noory missed the caller's point. He wasn't talking about belief systems or the Bible. He was talking about crazy statements. That should have been obvious to George.

[PB the Deplorable]

Noory missed the caller's point. He wasn't talking about belief systems or the Bible. He was talking about crazy statements. That should have been obvious to George.

Yes.  It's rare when something gets by George Noory.

[Supernormal]

Always reaching (retching?) for a new low..

I know. It's like the Mel's Hole of talk shows.

[PB the Deplorable]

I have to tune out for awhile, no way I can listen to noorys harmonica...

George (over a cheeseburger at Denny's):  'Tommy, should I play it on the air some night?'

Tommy:  'Uhhh, no George.  Not sure about that one'

George:  'You're probably right.  But I think my fans would like to hear it.  Just like they all like hearing personal type stories and things from Art'

Tommy:  'But Art didn't play harmonica's on the air'

George:  'N00oo.  But he might have if he had one'

Tommy:  'Maybeee'

George:  'I'm gonna do it'

Tommy:  'You're the talent, you know best.  Just be sure, ok'

George:  'I'll just bring it in.  I won't play it unless it seems right'

>>Later>>

George (breathlessly):  'Tommy.  TOMMY!  Look!  Great Story about Bob Dylan.  That's it.  That's the sign.  I'm doin' it.

Tommy:  ...

George (pulling out harmonica):  Squuiik... squaak.. uh, squeek....