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Salty Cracker

Started by Dr. MD MD, December 02, 2022, 08:33:40 PM

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I have to say Salty gives me hope that others may awake to the peril we are in.

Laser

Quote from: Unquenchable Angst on December 29, 2022, 05:04:43 AMI have to say Salty gives me hope that others may awake to the peril we are in.

Dr. MD MD is a fan and pulled me in as well.


Hog

Did you know that if you place a "salty cracker" or in Canada, known as a "Saltine" brand cracker in your mouth and chew it for a few minutes, the starch contained within begins to convert into sugars. Amylase is an enzyme located within human saliva is the first CHEMICAL process in a series processes involved in human digestion. Eventually the saliva/cracker paste will begin to taste slightly sweet.

The first PHYSICAL process involved in human digestion is called "mastication" or more commonly known as "chewing".

Here at Bellgab, we all know that the last physical process of human digestion is "pooping".  This "pooping" involves the expulsion of digested food waste from the body. This waste is called "poop" and is compacted into waste parcels known as "stool".  "Stool" can vary in consistency from solid to liquid and colours from black, brown, grey, usually accompanied by fetid odours in gaseous form named "flatus". Flatus is the resultant of the many chemical reactions involving the bacterial flora of the gut.  As "stool' is passed, "flatus" is expelled in a process referred to as "flatulence". As flatus is released, the circular sphincter muscles of the anus sometimes vibrate against each other and a distinctive "tone" is achieved.  If the muscular tone of the sphincters is changed via tightening or relaxing said sphincters, the acoustic tone can be adjusted as well.  The release of flatus is often found humorous.  Placing lit matches or butane lighters within the stream of "flatus" can cause the inflammable gasses within the "flatus" to ignite and burn.  This process is known as a "Blue Angel".  A friend of mine whom I grew up with and attended the Canadian Armed Forces "Basic Military Qualifications=BMQ" alongside me used a "Blue Angel" in a very unique manner.  First he stocked the wood stove with paper, kindling and then bundled up a few wads of toilet paper.  He assumed the "Blue Angel" position and used the burning "flatus" to ignite the toilet paper, which in turn was used to light the combustibles inside the wood stove.  It was a a very unique way in which to start our wood stove and was a great start to our weekend of underage drinking.
In the interest of public/personal safety, I must advise all who may be thinking of trying a "Blue Angel" whatever you do, ensure that your underwear stays up.  The lighter used to ignite the flatus and/or the burning flatus itself can indeed singe and errant butthole, or taint hairs. In case you don't know, your taint is the area between ones scrotum and their anus-as in "It t'aint your asshole and it t'aint your ballsack, it's your taint.
While methane is one of the gasses contained within "flatus" most of the inflammable gasses is hydrogen. Surgery involving the abdominal cavity that uses any sort of electrocautery used to control bleeding and/or used to cut in a bloodless fashion, must be careful to avoid igniting any "flatus" on the table.  Fires/explosions in the surgical theater have indeed been reported from the small sparks created during electrocautery.

And now you know.

Happy New Year BellGabbers!

peace
Hog

AZZERAE

Quote from: Hog on January 06, 2023, 10:22:33 AMyour taint is the area between ones scrotum and their anus-as in "It t'aint your asshole and it t'aint your ballsack, it's your taint.

Riveting.

pate

Quote from: Hog on January 06, 2023, 10:22:33 AMDid you know that if you place a "salty cracker" or in Canada, known as a "Saltine" brand cracker in your mouth...


...cause the inflammable gasses within the "flatus" to ignite and burn...


... most of the inflammable gasses is hydrogen...

Happy New Year BellGabbers!

peace
Hog

I find little to disagree with in all of that, other than your curious use of the world "inflammable" which has a slightly different meaning in the USA.  I imagine that is one of those many lingual peculiarities you Canadians have?

Happy New Year, eh!

-p

albrecht

Quote from: pate on January 06, 2023, 07:33:50 PMI find little to disagree with in all of that, other than your curious use of the world "inflammable" which has a slightly different meaning in the USA.  I imagine that is one of those many lingual peculiarities you Canadians have?

Happy New Year, eh!

-p
Inflammable is the correct term, even in American English. However, the dumbed down education system, and immigration, has caused it to be changed to 'flammable,' for safety reasons. Powers That Be think safety is better than education, or, simple reading. So, many places changed it. Hint: store your fuel in contrary colored containers. When SHTF or whatever 'bomb cyclone' snow or flood hits the looters will be screwed. So even if you are over run- you'll have last laugh! Pee in the blue one, gas in yellow, diesel in red, etc.

Lazarus

Quote from: Hog on January 06, 2023, 10:22:33 AMAs flatus is released, the circular sphincter muscles of the anus sometimes vibrate against each other and a distinctive "tone" is achieved.  If the muscular tone of the sphincters is changed via tightening or relaxing said sphincters, the acoustic tone can be adjusted as well.  The release of flatus is often found humorous. 

And this artiste actually made himself a stinking fortune.


GravitySucks

Quote from: albrecht on January 06, 2023, 10:00:51 PMInflammable is the correct term, even in American English. However, the dumbed down education system, and immigration, has caused it to be changed to 'flammable,' for safety reasons. Powers That Be think safety is better than education, or, simple reading. So, many places changed it. Hint: store your fuel in contrary colored containers. When SHTF or whatever 'bomb cyclone' snow or flood hits the looters will be screwed. So even if you are over run- you'll have last laugh! Pee in the blue one, gas in yellow, diesel in red, etc.

Invaluable information

pate

Quote from: GravitySucks on January 07, 2023, 12:02:05 PMInvaluable information

I see what you tried to do there, +19.5!

I would have written that as "Priceless information" to truly express the worth and/or value contained therein...

-p

AZZERAE

"Boomer with glass eye makes lame joke."


AZZERAE


aldousburbank

Quote from: AZZERAE on January 07, 2023, 04:02:33 PMYou're alive? Last I heard you died in a bridge abutment.

He survived that. Unfortunately the abutment did not.


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