George Noory Sucks! - The Definitive Compendium

[MV/Liberace!]

if i manage to sell UFOShip.com, this message board will remain as it is entirely.  the website (ufoship.com) will also remain.  however, you'll get there by MichaelVandeven.com or MikeVandeven.com instead.  yeah, i know... it's kinda shitty to type in my long stupid name, but i'll gladly settle with that in exchange for a few thousand george washingtons.

[VictoriaPandora]

Hey, yeah, I don't blame you. Most people use bookmarks anyway.
When I think back to the 90's and how people were buying up domain names, it was insane.
Many of them went for millions. Ahh the good old dot.com bubble days. I am still slapping myself around for not buying a few of them up.
So many bubbles so little time eh?

UFOship.com is a great name... well worth the money.

[VictoriaPandora]

Okay we got a jewel on last nights show...June 23rd about 23 minutes in,...first hour. Peter Levenda was the guest,and was talking about the occult and Hitlers' relationship to it as a young man. George asks; (Very serious and concerned) "Was Hitler the kind of person to pull the LAGS, (not legs) off those roly poly spiders and things
like that?" (The guests sort of giggles, and Geroge says, "But did he do things like that as a kid?"
Guest; "I don't think so, I don't think we have any evidence like that."

Hahaha.
I am not all the way through the interview, but I remember when you could 20 such comments out of one show, so I still think he is improving. For what it's worth.

[PhantasticSanShiSan]

This Summer

In the dark jungle that is late night talk radio

One man will sacrifice......normalcy and brain cells 

One man will fight.......to stay awake

One man will win........absolutely nothing


AND MANKIND WILL PREVAIL!!


On August 1st, 2008.......

IT'S BAAAACCCKKKKKK!!!




GEORGE-WATCH NIGHTLY

It's Lights Out for the Worker in the Light



*coming soon to a www.coastgab.com near you*

[EvB]

This Summer

In the dark jungle that is late night talk radio

One man will sacrifice......normalcy and brain cells 

One man will fight.......to stay awake

One man will win........absolutely nothing


AND MANKIND WILL PREVAIL!!


On August 1st, 2008.......
It's Lights Out for the Worker in the Light


IT'S BAAAACCCKKKKKK!!!




GEORGE-WATCH NIGHTLY


*coming soon to a www.coastgab.com near you*

Now THAT is a BANNER CONCEPT!

[towerjunkie]

Tonight I heard George doing a promo for some C.Crane Super USB antenna. 

"Just plug directly into your UBS port"

He fucks up everything.

[Max]

Tonight I heard George doing a promo for some C.Crane Super USB antenna. 

"Just plug directly into your UBS port"

He fucks up everything.

got any audio of that?

[towerjunkie]

Sorry, I don't.  Occasionally I do streamrip the show, I almost think I should do it nightly so I can take audio every time I hear something stupid.

[MV/Liberace!]

Tonight I heard George doing a promo for some C.Crane Super USB antenna. 

"Just plug directly into your UBS port"

He fucks up everything.

i used to work at a radio station with a post-middle-aged woman who made similar verbal faux pas.  constantly.  turned out she was a big time pill popper when nobody was looking.  'scrip for this.. 'scrip for that.  just pathetic.  i wonder what the problem is in this case.  dementia?  we need to get a coastgab.com spy in on his next physical exam.

[EvB]

  we need to get a coastgab.com spy in on his next physical exam.

I have ABSOLUTELY NO intention of being the volunteer!!!!!

[MV/Liberace!]

I have ABSOLUTELY NO intention of being the volunteer!!!!!

aw, come on.  there's a bag of doritos and some snapple in it for you.

[PhantasticSanShiSan]

aw, come on.  there's a bag of doritos and some snapple in it for you.

Hint - Make it a Chardonnay instead of a Snapple

[EvB]

Hint - Make it a Chardonnay instead of a Snapple

Not EVEN!

[PhantasticSanShiSan]

Not EVEN!

Aw come on, just think about it - You, George, Chardonnay, Rubber Gloves, No Questions..... eh, eh?

[EvB]

Aw come on, just think about it - You, George, Chardonnay, Rubber Gloves, No Questions..... eh, eh?

You know - I WAS enjoying a nice Asian Chicken Salad until you went and put that image in my mind.

[MV/Liberace!]

and there's a NintendoDS in it for you if you ditch the gloves.

get in there, soldier.

[Loui Zoot]

They are playing best of Noory instead of a live Knapp, the website hasn't even been changed yet. Grrrr, there is no such thing as a best of Noory that you can actually listen to.

Edit: Sun 07.20 >>
Note: Due to technical difficulties in Las Vegas, George Knapp's live program with Melvin Dummar has been postponed.

Instead, we present a rebroadcast with George Noory.

Garbage! Face on mars starts blabbing almost right away, too. It's not what I had planned to listen to, that's for sure. Time to dig around for some Art.

[exC2Cfan]

George Knapp canceled AGAIN!!!! And always the same reason, technical difficulties!!!

HOW MANY TIMES is this going to happen?

The BEST host on C2C and again and again and again these technical bozos can't figure out which button to push. What idiots.

[EvB]

George Knapp canceled AGAIN!!!! And always the same reason, technical difficulties!!!

Defiantly one of those tings that makes you go "hmmmm . . ."  But, if we want to come up with a reason - we could come up with a juicer one that "technical bozos" (though that may be the reality.)

Time for a conspiracy theory!

[Loui Zoot]

Maybe Knapp just had something or someone better to do, than be Noory's once a month monkey boy. They should have played a replay of Knapp or Ian instead the "Time to Eat a Dozen more Donuts", host. Garbage I say, garbage.

I'd rather listen to 4 hours of all the things Andy Rooney doesn't like. With the occasional sound bite of Erkel in his somewhat similar voice, proclaiming, "Did I do that?".

[Camazotz Automat]

I'd rather listen to 4 hours of all the things Andy Rooney doesn't like. With the occasional sound bite of Erkel in his somewhat similar voice, proclaiming, "Did I do that?".

Were Rooney to shred CTC/Noory:

"Why is it that everytime I hear the voice of George Noory I think about the Titanic?  I asked a psychiatrist that question down in CBS's cafeteria.  Most of the people who eat there are tourists, so my appearance causes some head turning, especially with those who aren't aware of my fondness for fish and large glasses of sweetened tea. 

So there I was, squirting a little lemon juice on my fish - I like to eat it that way - when I asked the psychiatrist about Noory.  He said I was associating.  Said that Noory's position is a sinking ship, to which I quipped, 'But how long is that bastard going to take to sink?'

We had green Jello afterward.  I am not sure what that meant.  It's probably a manifestation of Freudian resentment of some sort and if I could make George Noory eat it, I would.  I'm Andy Rooney."

CAMAZOTZ  AUTOMAT

[Camazotz Automat]

"Speak up, speak up, speak up!" - George Noory, commanding his guest Heidi Hollis to increase her voice volume on July 24th at roughly 1:11 AM CDST. 

Though I could hear her perfectly well on the radio, it seems Noory's ears are fossilizing or Premrad is skimping on quality equipment (imagine that.) Even if her voice level was too low, his orders were inappropriate in tone and content.

Such verbal domination is possibly yet another clue as to why Noory remains ~unhitched~ at this late date, forced to subsist on the occassional intergalactic groupie with a thing for nostrils laden with a sweeper brush attachment.

Above is George Noory's inner ear, discovered in the twilight strata of the Cretaceous period fossil record.  Some experts disagree, stating it is an ancient, flattened solenoid used in 1950s electronic equipment owned by Premrad - possibly a soundboard circuit array.  In either case, most agree the item was lodged in prehistory by a time traveler.  Also, in either case, Speaking Up? will prove to have zero effect on this fossil in matrix.

CAMAZOTZ  AUTOMAT

[davboz]

I've often wondered if the things that make us cringe, George thinks are somehow "cute." Worse, I've wondered if he thinks his audience is dumber than a bag of rocks. I vaguely recall one "picture of the day" that was so insulting to anyone with an IQ above 85 that I wrote and said so.  (I've blessedly blocked recall of what the picture was of - or what the little 'blurb' was trying to imply  . . . only that it was way beyond stupid, and not even amusing - as some are intended to be.)  I must not have been alone.  the next day, the picture was gone.  Not archived - just GONE.

Anyway - the point is that sometimes I think it's not so much that George is stupid, as that he thinks we are.  Or HOPES we are - so that his mediocrity won't be a problem. In that "be careful what you wish for" way, the apparent lack of intelligence of the people who're allowed though his screening process says that either 1) George refuses to be challenged or - more likely - 2) fewer people with interesting things to say bother to call.

So, so very well put. That really gets to the reality that I sense is going on.
Here is another little (nit-picking, now?) thing that drives me nuts. Speaking of thinking it's cute,.....
It is really just a speaking characteristic,...but,.....: Every word that ends in "ing" is pronounced "een."
"Walkeen.  Pusheen. Talkeen. Irritateen."
Now I have ONLY ever heard this cute little flourish from adolescent girls who seemed to think it gave a hint of innocence and/or femininity to their speech. Cute little Georgie has locked himself into this pattern and inspires in me a desire to shake him vigorously. (Slap?)
Just one more hideous distraction that he employs to try to pull you into his brain and join him in focus"een" on George above all else. Above the subject matter. Above the caller. Above the guest, even when he's speakeen! ;

[cthulhubunny]

On Friday the 25th George was "interviewing" a guy who was talking about creatures of myth and legend. I only caught part of the show.. I tuned in during a very lengthy (and intelligent) monologue by this guy, who happened to be speaking with an Irish accent. At the end of his lengthy discourse, George's only comment was, "Now. Tell me about leprechauns!"

It was the funniest thing I'd heard all day.

It reminded me of that scene in The Meaning of Life where the board of directors are being told what the Meaning of Life is, and after the explanation, one of them goes "now what was that about hats?"..

so sad..

[mikemcc]

if they harvested a new brain for george and failed to put it on ice for a few weeks, it would still be a vast improvement.  i also believe the new brain would quickly decide to shave off the sewer rat growing on it's top lip which was placed there by the previous cranial inhabitant.

Sorry, I know this post is old, but I just couldn't keep the tears from pouring out of my eyes as I laughed at this one. Two of my kids kept coming in and saying, "Dad, what are you laughing at?"

Here's another one from a chick named Dixie Butcher who used to have a blog about GN:

Coast to Coast Drinking Game

Well this should be fun for those of you who drink, or need an excuse to. Tonights "ohmpen lines" topic is "encounters with the Grim Reaper".

So far Noory has said, "Grim Reaker" twice without correcting himself. I guess that's to make up for his Laser Shield commercial that's been running uncorrected for months now where he says "reap havoc". Lord he's simple.

So if any of you want to, take a drink every time Noory says "reaker" instead of "reaper". You should be loaded for bear in a couple of hours. Noory also said, when describing the archetypal "Grim Reaper" figure that he carries "a sickle looking thing".

Yes he does, George. That would be a sickle

Something about that deadpan last line had me rolling on the floor just like your post. My wife thought I was having a seizure. Dixie Butcher's blog is at http://ghostofcoast.blogspot.com/. Don't think she writes about George much anymore, but her blogs were always on-target and a delight to read.

[PhantasticSanShiSan]

.....xxx xxx xxxxxx xxx xxx....Axx xxx xxAxx xxx xxx........ARE xxx REAxx xxR xxx........ARE Yxx REAxY xxR xxx......ARE Yxx REAxY xxR Ixx......ARE YOx REAxY xOR Ixx........ARE YOU READY FOR IT?......

July 30th - The Return of the Deadly Venom
The NightHawk starts off by calling Dr. Rudy Schild, the nights main guest, "Dr. Richard Schild".  Some dude shows up to talk about the salmonella craze sweeping the nation, and Hoagy appears up for the 17,368th time in the last 18 months(!xaM uoY) to talk about space-mining, Star Trek, and sludge monsters.

Aviation safety expert with Jane's, Christopher Yates, discusses airline safety, technology, deaths, and the recent Quantas mishap. George shares a flying story about a passenger next to him once sleeping so deeply, Snoors thought he was dead.(Kinda reminds me of this one scene from a movie where... well, Ted Striker + Skeleton = Comedy Gold). Yates then faced the denizens of open-lines land.

Dr. Rudy Schild, a scientist at the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics, spreads the word on various scientific topics and their possible connections and explanations for things commonly thought to be pseudo-scientific or paranormal.  *My personal C2C meat & potatoes - I love it!*  Schild tells a story of a friend who had an intuitive telepathic moment which helped him save his mother from succumbing to a heart attack. When Schild asked the friend if he had experienced this before, the friend replied that he had once as a child, and he woke up demanding that his parents call his Grandmother. When they ended up making the call, they found that the Grandmother had passed away, to which George replies "Who Was it! Who answered the phone!? Who was in the house?" As if reading my mind, Schild replies "I don't know...the Grandfather, or someone."  Snoors then explains that the "absence" in between sleeping and waking, when one doesn't dream, has helped him conceptualize the idea of a pre-big-bang nothingness. Later, he feigns ignorance of the accident at the CERN LHC which has put it off-line and delayed it's operation, when Schild brings up the point.

George's Gem of the Night - Schild tells George that he doesn't go for the Copenhagen theory, that we are just the dreams of some entity. NightHawk pipes up with "However, it would explain the disappearances of some people. They're merely forgotten out of the script, and they're gone." George Noory - Broadcasting proof of that theory's invalidity.

[MV/Liberace!]

George shares a flying story about a passenger next to him once sleeping so deeply, Snoors thought he was dead.

i will sleep well tonight imagining the sleeping passenger was listening to one of george's broadcasts on his ipod.  that, coupled with the act of SITTING NEXT TO george, could very well be the catalyst behind any number of catastrophic medical emergencies in the average human.

i'm willing to bet this passenger never made it to his destination.

[MV/Liberace!]

Sorry, I know this post is old, but I just couldn't keep the tears from pouring out of my eyes as I laughed at this one. Two of my kids kept coming in and saying, "Dad, what are you laughing at?"

thank you, sir.  thank you.

you know something... i just looked at that quote and it clearly shows that i incorrectly employed a contraction in the word "it's" which is flawed when used in the possessive form as was the case here.

i would now like to take this opportunity, as the leader of our movement, to apologize and ask forgiveness for this indiscretion on my part.

i made a mistake.  i am owning up to it, and i plan to learn from it. 

i will not resign my position nor will i consider it so long as my constituents continue to demonstrate their confidence in the faith and trust they've placed in me.

that said, i would now like to ask all of you to respect the wishes and best interests of my family by giving us the space we need as we consult with our spiritual advisor in an attempt to heal the wounds i have inflicted upon those for whom i care the most through my admittedly irresponsible actions.  this is a matter between my wife, myself, and our god.  thank you, and good afternoon.

[EvB]

thank you, sir.  thank you.

you know something... i just looked at that quote and it clearly shows that i incorrectly employed a contraction in the word "it's" which is flawed when used in the possessive form as was the case here.

that said, i would now like to ask all of you to respect the wishes and best interests of my family by giving us the space we need as we consult with our spiritual advisor in an attempt to heal the wounds i have inflicted upon those for whom i care the most through my admittedly irresponsible actions.  this is a matter between my wife, myself, and our god.  thank you, and good afternoon.

ROTFL!

[VictoriaPandora]

HAHAHA!