Author Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop  (Read 21422 times)

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Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #690 on: September 13, 2020, 10:59:17 PM »
especially good when battered and deep-friend (but what isn't, really?)

https://youtu.be/NhGoZLudKyk

Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #691 on: September 22, 2020, 10:52:13 PM »
I don't know if Bruschetta qualifies as a baked good, but I revisited my delicious adventure of a few weeks ago, only this time I added some sliced up leftover bratwursts to the she-bang.

I managed to take a few pictures before eating it all, it was damn good:

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I think for dessert I will have some of the Key Lime Pie frozen Custard that I got from Andy's the other day, it is a seasonal thing and I loaded up: 2 quarts and 1 pint, shit is the bomb.

-p

Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #692 on: September 22, 2020, 11:15:17 PM »
Haha my grandpa would have loved you; sausage and cheese on bread was his thing.

Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #693 on: September 23, 2020, 02:05:36 AM »
I managed to take a few pictures before eating [this], it was damn good:



Now all you need to do is post a picture of what it looks like after it's been through your system.

Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #694 on: September 23, 2020, 02:15:15 AM »
Now all you need to do is post a picture of what it looks like after it's been through your system.

Related has already been posted in this thread

Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #695 on: September 23, 2020, 10:54:54 AM »
Not sure which image applies, butt yeah:







Some loaves for y'all!

-p


Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #696 on: September 23, 2020, 11:54:19 AM »
Now I kind of want to make little gingerbreads that look like poo.  They would be difficult to ice, though, and, with gingerbread, the contrast between the icing, which is nearly pure sugar, and the dough pulled toward bitterness by molasses, spices, and baking soda (usually) is really the charm of the cookie.  And icing would, of course, destroy any resemblance to turds, unless they be frosted turds such as one might encounter in the front lawn of a winter's morning courtesy of some wayward hound.  There, I have considered this project and abandoned it, probably for the best.

Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #697 on: September 23, 2020, 12:03:24 PM »
Now I kind of want to make little gingerbreads that look like poo.  They would be difficult to ice, though, and, with gingerbread, the contrast between the icing, which is nearly pure sugar, and the dough pulled toward bitterness by molasses, spices, and baking soda (usually) is really the charm of the cookie.  And icing would, of course, destroy any resemblance to turds, unless they be frosted turds such as one might encounter in the front lawn of a winter's morning courtesy of some wayward hound.  There, I have considered this project and abandoned it, probably for the best.
May these inspire you for your temporarily shelved noble cause.







Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #698 on: September 23, 2020, 03:05:34 PM »
May these inspire you for your temporarily shelved noble cause.







Gosh those are horrible -- they're perfect!  I see that, in order to get that authentically aerated texture, I will  need to try for a looser dough with maybe an egg or two, separated and whipped, which is not usual for gingerbread.  And pipe through a pastry bag, but maybe without a tip to approximate the diameter of an anus.

Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #699 on: September 24, 2020, 02:07:24 PM »



Organic bread flour from a local farm, raw butter, ScharffenBerger dark chocolate, raw cream, duck egg, maple vanilla wash.

[dough lamination intensifies]

Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #700 on: September 24, 2020, 02:41:49 PM »



Organic bread flour from a local farm, raw butter, ScharffenBerger dark chocolate, raw cream, duck egg, maple vanilla wash.

[dough lamination intensifies]

I had long suspected you were a homosexual, Father.

Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #701 on: September 24, 2020, 03:17:54 PM »
I had long suspected you were a homosexual, Father.

I'm flattered best Dubb! As unlikely as it seems, my pursuit of culinary excellence wasn't advanced by sodomy.


Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #702 on: September 24, 2020, 04:40:04 PM »
I'm flattered best Dubb! As unlikely as it seems, my pursuit of culinary excellence wasn't advanced by sodomy.

*Sigh* I am fated once more to pine, and to yearn, and not just for your gorgeous chocolate croissant which, among my kind, would easily rate you a prince.  Among yours, you must be a king.

Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop - small gingerbread poos
« Reply #703 on: September 24, 2020, 08:36:04 PM »


Recipe to follow!

Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop - small gingerbread poos
« Reply #704 on: September 25, 2020, 02:09:28 AM »
I began with my mom's gingerbread recipe which, contrary to the title, produces a nice rich moist cookie that is not a "snap" in the texture sense, nor do the quantities of spices called for produce any sort of bite.  We routinely triple them, and using fresh-ground for the cloves and cinnamon produces about the right potency for my tastes.  (These heavily spiced recipes are authentic -- one mention of an old recipe for the spekkoek I made earlier cited 40 whole nutmegs, which must verge on psychoactive toxicity.)  You will see it is a standard spice cookie, heating the syrup (molasses in this case) and melting the fat into it, using the hot mix to infuse the flour to a workable consistency.  (Don't bother chilling the dough as it is plenty stiff when warm.)



This time, though, rather than a stiff dough I needed one loose enough to be extruded through a pastry bag and one which hopefully retained a sort of frothy texture that, in my view, was essential if it was to look like poo, as in Roy's photos, rather than a simple curled snake such as a child might make with playdo.  So I added three eggs, the yolks to the liquid mixture and the whites whipped and folded in after.  Of course this meant no heating the molasses and  melting the fat (I used half shortening and half butter since all butter is too crisp) so I did the usual cream butter and sugar and then fold in the yolks and molasses.

The flour quantity was the big question.  Made according to the recipe it would be far too tough.  So I folded in a little handful at a time (I used a mix of all-purpose and almond flour, aiming for about half-and-half) until I judged the resulting stiff foam barely strong enough to hold its shape when piped.  I also borrowed a technique from the many pryanik recipes I have tried where you mix the baking soda with a little vinegar and immediately dump the foaming mess into the dough.  I was initially very skeptical about this --  I thought haha look at those stupid Russians, they are shooting their wad on a cheap parlor trick and there is no chemical potential left to leaven the dough but, doing it many times, I find it actually aerates the dough if added at just the right state of mixing, something firmer than a liquid but still pourable.  This aeration, or intestinal wind in this case, is, of course, preserved in the final product, the dough is softer and easier to poo, and there is, somehow, still enough oomph left to make it rise in the oven, even in recipes without eggs.  My soft, hopefully pipe-able dough went in the pastry bag, with no tip leaving its inch-wide diameter to shape the extrusions.

The pooping (I'm sorry, it was not piping -- that was pooping) was far too realistic for comfort.  I no longer wanted to snack on the dough and even think I experienced an olfactory hallucination at one point which was very distressing, as were the unmistakable sounds of small-scale flatulence as I labored.  To make things worse, squeezing them out took plenty of muscle and my pastry bag split halfway during the second tray -- don't laugh, I understand this is a serious medical emergency -- and I had to shape the last ones by hand.  They are a much thicker cookie so I lowered the temperature to 325 and baked for a good 20 minutes until their bottoms were nice and brown oh god help me

The results are great, though.  You can clearly see it is an extruded foam, not a dough rope.  I am going to work on this.  Astute observers will note that, with the almond flour, we are getting very close to traditional lebkuchen if you swap out the molasses for a dark honey, hopefully a powerful raw one with bee parts still in it, and omit the ginger in favor of a pinch of anise and maybe some cocoa.  The addition of the usual chopped candied fruit will only enhance the illusion with some fairly realistic texture.  Lebkuchen dough is usually piped onto oblatens, which are essentially unconsecrated communion wafers that taste like styrofoam, for traditional reasons but I am pleased to find that with parchment paper this is not necessary at all.

They were a delight, light and springy but with plenty of bite.  I will aim for more almond flour next time or even hazelnut flour if I can find it like the really good lebkuchen.  I did finally glaze them with a simple powdered-sugar-and-vanilla glaze since that little crack when you bite into them is essential.  This ruined the effect and they no longer looked like poo proving that, while turds can be polished, this is not always an improvement.


Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #705 on: September 25, 2020, 10:29:11 AM »
You should consider mini versions of these for Halloween treats.  Ill bet kids would love them.  Ohhh, neat!  Look, Im eating turds!


Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #706 on: September 25, 2020, 10:38:29 AM »
...while turds can be polished, this is not always an improvement.

Words to remember.



Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #707 on: September 25, 2020, 11:33:44 AM »
Words to remember.


Thats true!  Ask me how I know.


Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #709 on: September 25, 2020, 12:24:00 PM »
You should consider mini versions of these for Halloween treats.  Ill bet kids would love them.  Ohhh, neat!  Look, Im eating turds!



Hahaha those pictures would spoil at least one mommy blogger's nauseatingly curated instagram feed; it must be done!

The irony is, of course, that, at least as I envision it, it is actually a good, high-quality, adult-type cookie that just looks like shit.

Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #710 on: September 25, 2020, 02:37:47 PM »
Hahaha those pictures would spoil at least one mommy blogger's nauseatingly curated instagram feed; it must be done! ....

Heh, heh... you might drive a Buffy postal.  Awesome.




Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #711 on: Yesterday at 04:42:14 PM »
The pooping (I'm sorry, it was not piping -- that was pooping) was far too realistic for comfort.

I'm equal parts inspired / disquieted by the richness of the effort here and the promise to iterate the confectionery poo simulacra to higher measure.





Hokkaido Milk Bread loaf using Yukone, a Japanese flour roux kneaded into your dough, yields insanely soft bread. Carb loading this weekend with proper grilled cheese sammies.

Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #712 on: Yesterday at 08:25:52 PM »
I'm equal parts inspired / disquieted by the richness of the effort here and the promise to iterate the confectionery poo simulacra to higher measure.





Hokkaido Milk Bread loaf using Yukone, a Japanese flour roux kneaded into your dough, yields insanely soft bread. Carb loading this weekend with proper grilled cheese sammies.

Japanese tangzhong!  I have experimented with it a few times with my hveteboller.  They look impossibly fluffy and grilled cheese is inspired!

I believe the poo cookies are some of my best work, an artistic credo of sorts, and improvement is essential if they are not to turn into yet another postmodern exercise in desecration.  I am trying to make something good.

Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #713 on: Yesterday at 08:55:33 PM »


I believe the poo cookies are some of my best work, an artistic credo of sorts, and improvement is essential if they are not to turn into yet another postmodern exercise in desecration.  I am trying to make something good.
Agree!  Go forth, into the wonderful world of poo!



























   

Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #714 on: Yesterday at 09:14:05 PM »
the wonderful world of poo

Just another foul demesne. I think you're all trying to compensate for something. I really do.

Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #715 on: Yesterday at 09:21:55 PM »

Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #716 on: Yesterday at 09:23:07 PM »

Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #717 on: Yesterday at 09:34:20 PM »
trying to compensate

Looks like someone just hit critical mass.


Bakegab: The Bellgab Bakeshop
« Reply #718 on: Yesterday at 09:37:06 PM »
Im getting bakegabbed now

Beats getting bellgaped