BellGab.com Archive

Seriously though - where is he?? Does he have the blues? If so, you know what makes people feel better? MONEY. Maybe if I drop him a few hundred bucks, he'll come back. And yes, I also give money to Wounded Warriors, homeless animals, Operation Smile and St. Jude Children's Research Hospital, before anyone righteous comes along and drops the hate on me. When I'm making money, the world makes money with me. (And when I'm broke, I'm broke alone. **sniff** )

I could sacrifice a Botox treatment for a Falkie revival.

"All life is precious." -- White Crow and Morgan Jones of The Walking Dead

Speaking of money, I have to get back to writing marketing copy about wildly popular wireless devices. Giddy up!

So now that Falkie's YouTube channel has suddenly gone dark, I've started watching Callan's videos for the hell of it -- and damn if I'm not hooked on them now! I appreciate the way the guy describes potato chips and fast food like a wine connoisseur. (That comment sounded sarcastic but I'm being dead serious.)

My only concern is that I'm going to gain 900 pounds from watching those videos, as I always end up craving salt and cheeseburgers after I see them. (Now that I'm in my floundering 40s, it's suddenly a struggle to maintain a svelte(ish) 126 pounds.) I'm worried that Callan is inserting subliminal "EAT MOAR POTATO CHIPS!" messages in his videos. Maybe that should be a question for a future podcast.

Anyhoo, that new Wendy's Atlantic Cod Sandwich with the shiny bun is now on my bucket list. Thanks, Jason!

I know I ask this question all the time, but does anyone know if Falkie's OK? He's not laid up in a hospital or a morgue somewhere is he?

Quote from: White Crow 🌔🌓🌒🌚 on March 11, 2017, 06:44:44 PM
Had big . Like small.. my current Rig spec'd myself.. It's set up to cruise at 85 mph and go most  anywhere ..From high speed interstate highways to 2 track dirt roads to congested downtown city traffic.

Arrive in style to world class resorts to primitive side of mountain camping sites. 

Touring America is all about the back roads. The journey!

That cabin-on-a-truck is FABULOUS!

Quote from: SnapT on March 11, 2017, 12:44:40 AM
Nice song!

Thanks! They were a local band that had a few minutes of fame and managed to make a video that actually made Memphis look like a place where there's not a 75 percent chance of getting shot, robbed or both. I've been looking all over for this song but can only find the video. It's my Great White Whale of songs I once loved. 

Goodnight, kids. Thank you for the party! 


https://youtu.be/sm93-rsIzmY

Quote from: SnapT on March 06, 2017, 12:56:01 AM
That settles it, you were definitely roadkill in the BERENSTEIN universe and ended up here. The BERENSTAIN version of you ended up in the BERNSTEEN  universe.

Falkie should devote an entire show to this with you as the star guest.

Curious, did you ever get a chance to see the James Bond movie MOONRAKER before you died?

No, but I keep meaning to call my college roommate from WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY back because I also remember NELSON MANDELA DYING IN PRISON in 91 or something. We were at school at the time and I remember it being this big weepy emo college thing and an excuse to skip class and eat pizza.

This topic drives me insane. Whenever it comes up on C2C or Ground Zero or Darkness Radio, I have to turn it the hell off because my brain starts to melt.

Quote from: SnapT on March 06, 2017, 12:43:35 AM
Are you Mandela Effected?  Sounds like you died and quantum leaped to an alternate universe (this one).

OMG don't get me started on this because I had all the books when I was a kid and I SWEAR they were the Berenstein Bears! If they were the Berenstain Bears, we kids would've made all kinds of bear stain jokes about them.

If this is an alternate universe, I kind of hate myself for not at least throwing Liam Neeson in here as my husband. 

Quote from: brigâ,,¢☮☘ on March 06, 2017, 12:36:48 AM
I think You should call George and tell him about it. I'm sure he'll try to show interest, and do his best to help you.

Hilariously, I was driving a Ford Probe at the time, which would totally jive with the benevolent alien theory. Maybe it wasn't me they were saving. Maybe they just liked the name of my car. And not everyone gets probed, so they took off and left me alone on a snowy hill. I was not probe-worthy. 

That was the last time I attempted to drive on ice and snow, BTW. It was enough to send me to Phobia Town for the rest of my life.

I really want to call somebody and tell my story about the time I was driving en route from Iowa to Chicago, lost control of my car on an icy I-80, spun into oncoming traffic and hit a Mack truck head-on.

I remember looking up at the driver's horrified face because he couldn't stop his truck. I remember the giant grill of the truck just before it crushed my windshield. I remember closing my eyes at the moment of impact and thinking, "I hope this death is quick and painless." I remember hearing a loud boom ... and then I opened my eyes and my car was sitting in the middle of a field up on a hill next to the interstate. There were no cars anywhere. The highway was deserted. Nothing on my body was broken or bloody. I thought maybe I was dead and supposed to be looking for my "light" or something.

I got out of my car and there wasn't a scratch on it. I walked around for a few minutes. When I stopped shaking, I got back in the car, got back on the interstate, got off the nearest exit (Newton, Iowa), drove to the nearest service station and told the mechanic I had just hit an 18-wheeler head-on. He basically said, "Girl, you crazy."

I think about it all the time. ALL THE DAMN TIME and it happened about 15 years ago. Was it quantum jumping? A benevolent alien in a passing UFO? A wrinkle in time? ANGELS? Adrenaline-fueled telekinesis? Is there a truck driver out there somewhere who remembers a car smashing into him and then suddenly vanishing? It haunts me.

I've been on hold for open lines on C2C and also Schrader's show to try to tell this story, but I ultimately never get through.

This story might be too deep for Falkie, though, and I'm not trying to be an ass. I just don't think he has a book on it.

Quote from: brigâ,,¢☮☘ on March 05, 2017, 10:28:19 PM
I just love happy endings!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55wQ1Sx8_Js

**laughter**

You guys recorded this call, didn't you?

(Not you, brig. But somebody.  : )

Really wanna watch that John Cusack movie "Grifters" now.  **wanders off to find it**

My goal is to mold him into a highly coveted member of the press. Weird little cons like this one are foaming at the mouth to fill their press lists and, in doing so, placate their "celebrity" lineup. He's so there - and maybe with a free room - if he plays his cards right.

AIN'T NO GRIFT LIKE A JOURNALIST'S GRIFT, KIDS! Those days are far behind me, but damn, press junkets took me to all-expense-paid, first-class trips to London, Jamaica, Aruba, Greece and so many other awesome places. **sniff**

Then my boss found out I was doing that and moved me to a tiny office in the middle of suburban nowhere, where I covered things like grand openings of banks and animal parades.

Whatever! It was FUN while it lasted! Maybe I'll help Falkie out as his freelance producer in this respect, just to get him rolling (no pun intended). He needs MANY MANY MORE susscribers though, Sewergabbers, so GET ON THAT!

Just thought I'd throw it out here in case anyone else is into this one. Richard Simmons hasn't been seen or heard from for something like four years. This podcast guy is on a quest to unravel the mystery.

Maybe it was an alien abduction. If so, unfortunately for Richard, not everyone gets probed ... or so I've heard.

Anyhoo, I love this podcast. I never thought I'd spend so much time pondering the whereabouts of Richard Simmons.

WHERE ARE YOU, RICHARD??

Quote from: PB the Deplorable on March 02, 2017, 08:59:33 PM
Magic 8 Ball sez... yes!

Whatever. In other news, that was probably the only time this thread will see "moist" and "Falkie" in the same sentence. You're welcome. 

Quote from: Bobby McPuddbutter on March 02, 2017, 05:54:18 PM
I have tried to unpack the mentality of someone who would step over people genuinely hungry and in need -- including children -- to give a thousand dollars to a 400 lb parasite who revels in his own narcissism and filth.

Maybe its because those in need won't be posting youtube videos with "shoutouts."  The payoff is just not there, because it's not about uplifting the sad existence of others less fortunate; it's about feeling good about yourself.

Oh for God's sake. You have no idea how many people I help or to what and how many charities I donate. Do you really think I'd get all moist and yippy-skippy over a YouTube shout-out from Falkie? Give it a rest.

The next time you guys have a Falkie podcast, I really wish I could call him and talk to him about Patreon. I know I'm the "broken Patreon record" of this thread, but damn, if you go to the website and browse the creators, you can see how much they're each making a month in donations. Even the less popular ones are at least making about $60 to $150, which would be a veritable fortune to Falkie.

Knowing him, he'd get outraged that people would only opt for the $1 to $2 a month donation tier, but that's the point: you crowdsource small donations from a mass number of people and - SHAZAM! - you get a hefty chunk of money in your PayPal account each month.

Nobody says "donate to me on PayPal" anymore. They say "Support me over on Patreon." The PayPal donations plea makes him sound like a dottering old man.

Of course, most Patreon creators give their supporters "rewards" -- like videos just for them, stickers, chat sessions, content requests, etc. (I'm waiting for my Ted Bundy shot glass from the Sword & Scale podcast dude right now, for example; and the ASMR YouTube guy I support is going to make a video with the whispered dirty words of my choice.) So George would have to do a little extra work to keep his Patreon supporters happy.

He'd also have to learn to pronounce it correctly: It's PAY-tree-on, as in, these are your patrons so DO IT and you'll get paid.

Yeah, this is long but maybe he'll read it. Or because it's long, maybe he won't. *shrug*

Quote from: jaz on March 01, 2017, 11:20:52 PM
We're all graduates of the Falkie thread. Every post other than it's namesake is CliffNotes.

You just made me spit wine all over my phone. 

I love you, Jaz! (But not in an inappropriate way.)

Sheezus, every time I think I'm doing OK with a short comment, I hit "post" and it's a tl;dr novel. I'm like the Tolstoy of Sewergab. Apologies. 

Quote from: Rally Squirrel on March 01, 2017, 10:24:47 PM
Faslkie does very few things that make any sense so it is no suprise that his habit of putting extra towards rent confuses me.
When he talks about his bills he often says he is trying to get a month ahead on rent so he paid a little extra. But there is no interest on rent. Wouldn't he better off putting that money to an interest charging loan?

This is something I did once when I was in between jobs, scraping by as a freelancer and terrifyingly broke. My biggest fear was being homeless. Utilities, etc. weren't as daunting because I could usually smooth talk those people out of an extension. But landlords don't play. So yeah, I was constantly squirreling away money for rent or, whenever I could, paying it a month in advance. My thought process was that even if I had no electricity or phone, at least I'd have a bed and a roof over my head for another month.

No joke, I have a panic attack whenever I think back on that time. It was hell and it's why I get soft when people say they need a certain amount of money just to survive. Unfortunately the last time we made donations to Falkie, he showed off an AppleTV or whatever on a video the next day. So now the "I can't pay for [food, internet, medicine, whatever]" song is falling on my deaf ears. It's like the boy who cried wolf to me now.

Quote from: brigâ,,¢ on March 01, 2017, 01:04:52 PM
Looks like anyone can contact them with a reference.

http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/hoarding-buried-alive/about-the-show/hoarding-casting/

Well then damn, we should try it. Screenshots of the place, the walls and stacks of fire-hazard books, the pets in constant danger of being crushed, that scene where there wasn't enough room for him and Kathy to get down a hallway together ("Start tawkin'), that clip where he talks about trying to get someone from the county to come help him clean the place, the flea video clips, etc., etc.

Maybe they'd also offer a small payment, in which case he would probably agree to it.

I have to get back to writing very important marketing materials about wireless devices. George has been a productivity vacuum for me today. I blame this morning's "I need donations" video.

I wonder if the people on the show "Hoarders" could (seriously) help him?

When White Crow suggested Falkie sell some stuff on eBay and Falkie replied, "These are MY THINGS and someday I'm going to put them in a house," that was by-the-book hoarder language. And I know that show not only sends in people to clear out the stuff and clean the place, but also a shrink to hold the hoarder's hand and help them separate from the stuff. Can "caring friends" suggest people for that show or does it have to be immediate family? Asking for a friend. 

The one OCD thing of mine that really stresses me out is the parade of cat food. One of the worst things you can do to a domesticated cat is change its food abruptly. It wreaks havoc on their little stomachs. 

The other thing that mystified me is that time when we were all sending him huge boxes of cat food - eventually he got so much that it filled up a closet or whatever. And yet he was still buying tons of it at the grocery store. That would have been a perfect time to transfer his "cat food funds" to "cable bill funds" or, even better, "SAVINGS."

IDK - the whole thing makes me depressed, probably because my 40-year-old brother is the same way -- always in a financial jam, but if you give him a buck, he'll spend it on beer and old classic rock vinyl. My mom has to manage his money for him. I stress about who's going to do it when she's gone someday (meaning me). My brother is mentally disabled, though -- albeit highly functioning -- so at least he has a somewhat legit reason. He also works hard 40 hours a week at a job, even though he could totally qualify for disability if he wanted. But he has too much pride and he loves people and he really likes to work.

So yeah, I guess people with tons of excuses and self-created problems frustrate me with their passiveness and tunnel vision, particularly when there are people who are truly limited and still doing what they can to make some kind of a difference. Like, damn, expand your mind with self-improvement books, follow some wise advice once in a while and try VOLUNTEERING at a soup kitchen occasionally instead of only eating at them.

I say this with love, well wishes and a dash of PMS.

Quote from: LittleChris on March 01, 2017, 10:20:14 AM
Absolutely.  Seraphim,  if you are going to donate,  purchase him a used car through e-bay.  This will allow him to get around town and create interesting content.  If you donate cash,  he will just blow it on trinkets and junk.

I thought I heard him say his driver's license has been revoked or suspended or something??

Quote from: Laughing Gator on March 01, 2017, 09:47:40 AM
I'm serious that for his own good we should never give him money directly. If we were going to really help him, we'd need to have someone go there and pay for everything.
Falkie has proven time and time again that he has zero money management skills and can't be trusted with money.

My life was a big hopeless financial mess until I went to Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. The guy gets on my nerves sometimes, but his money management system saved my life. You can be making minimum wage and still pay your bills, save money AND budget for "fun money" with that system. Maybe I'll send Falkie the book, the workbook and a box of labeled envelopes ("groceries," "cable bill," "utilities," "charity," recreation").  There's nothing paranormal about it though.

Quote from: brigâ,,¢ on March 01, 2017, 08:47:46 AM
Asking for Donataions please.




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAfHLMsy3LQ

Sadly I've donated all my March fun money to the Save the Clams of Cincinnati Fund.

Quote from: brigâ,,¢ on February 27, 2017, 08:42:52 AM
There is a link to his paypal account for donations just in case anyone missed it.

I'm tempted to drop $1K in that account as a social experiment. Like seriously, I had my finger on the Donate button today. But then I caught a glimpse of my reflection in my monitor and decided to make an appointment for Botox and lip injections instead. 

Maybe I'll do it next week though. Just to see if he'd use it to get his sh*t together and hire a professional to solve his flea problem ... or would we suddenly see an influx of videos about wacky toys and electronic equipment that  he can't figure out how to use? And how long would it take for the "please donate to help me pay for this thing" videos to start popping up again? Those types of deep questions.

Does it sound like I've switched over from supporter to hater? I still don't advocate the flat-out bullying of him, but that recording where he's talking about women's p*ssies and that conversation about Kathy's Clam That Ate Cincinnati really disgusted me.

Greetings.

I just thought I'd come over here to say hi and check out the bacon porn. 

Think of all the free cans of Friskies and other brands that he'd get if he'd just contact those PR departments with a link to his "Cat Food Hauls" playlist (if only he'd make one).

I speak as someone who works in or for PR departments and has to send stuff to YouTubers. A couple of months ago, I sent a $350 LED anti-wrinkle device to one of those YouTube haul chicks. PR is less about newspaper/magazine journalists now (sadly) and more about connecting with social media personalities.

Hell, if I didn't look like Mokey Fraggle, I'd have a YouTube channel, if only for the free stuff.

Quote from: Meatie Pie on February 21, 2017, 09:10:59 AM

Since you seem like you know about the YouTube video culture, can I ask a question? Is this haul-video shit really a thing? Who of sound mind thinks this would be interesting to other people?

Yeah, there's a whole subculture of people who foam at the mouth over haul videos. Materialistic America at its best. I saw one chick on "Ellen" or somewhere who's making millions off her haul videos ... and her videos only show her HANDS opening boxes and stuff.

The funny thing is, I once posted one of George's Safeway haul videos on my FB page and a TV producer I knew back in the day contacted me. She wanted to feature him on some show she produces out in Cali about distinctive YouTube personalities â€" she found him to be a refreshing change from all the "look at all the makeup I bought at Sephora" chicks. Before I could connect them, she got back to me and said forget it â€" that a lot of his channel is confusing in that her viewers wouldn't understand videos about someone named 'six-week tenure' and other "strange rants."

That's why I got frustrated. He has something really different â€" as in, companies and brands would send him free stuff, etc. â€" if he'd just organize his videos into playlists and maybe move the drama to a different channel. Those haul YouTubers rake in the free swag â€" at least the ones who know how to work PR departments.

ALSO, if he'd just polish his video skills and maybe add a "man on the street" interview element to his Martinez videos, he could totally work with the CVB there to promote the area and get paid for it -- or at least get on the press invite lists to events and stuff. That happened to a chick here in Memphis: She wrote a quirky blog interviewing people on the streets of Memphis and making whimsical observations about stuff and suddenly, wham, she's being paid $65K by the CVB to feature her YouTube channel on their website and in other promotional stuff.

Such a world of possibilities.

[Sorry. I write a lot when I'm supposed to be writing something for work.]

It drives me insane that George doesn't link his YouTube channel to a Patreon account. I support about 10 YouTubers/podcasters on Patreon. It costs me less than $20 a month; and meanwhile, they're making hundreds, thousands a month in all those accumulated small donations.

Even the less popular ones -- just quirky people that I like to watch -- are making at least $60 to $120 a month from Patreon donations from their subscribers. That would at least cover cat food or his internet or food or getting stuff out of pawn shops or whatever. Hell, most of us here would donate at least $1 to $2 a month. ... Right? 

Frustrating.