The Creative and Clever Insults thread...

[Caruthers612]

          Right-O, lads. When I'm mad at someone, as I increasingly am nowadays at an increasing number of people, 'cause I'm becoming a grizzled old man with pit stains and soiled underclothes, I'm always looking for inventive, non-obvious ways of referring to and or insulting the person or persons in question. Simple profanity gets boring and is too harsh and vulgar, much of the time. I want wit in my insults. So this thread is inviting you to share your best. They can be your own or someone else's, though if the latter, I request that you cite the source. I'll start:

          Some chap called Hootay McBooze (no idea who this is, just saw this on a web site) was apparently none too pleased with British PM David Cameron one day and said: "Fuck off you dishfaced wankstain." Dishfaced wankstain, I like that. Has a certain poetry.

          Next?

[Hautex]

Cool idea for a thread... This reply may be a bit off to one side, sorry in advance.
    As a workaholic in younger days, I did part time as security in a rock music bar, good addition to a social life, and get paid... A very huge guy could not be talked down from his anger, so I asked him if he had AIDS. Stopped him cold, he asked me "What do you mean by that" (immediately changed his focus, sadly, to me) I replied that if he was going to make this fight happen, he would probably kick my ass, but I WILL bite a hole in his cheek so when folks ask how he got it, he can proudly reply he won the fight. "why ask if I had AIDS", he then said? I replied, "cause if you do, I am going to run very fast and very far since I will bite off a chunk of your face so the cops can recognize you". "You're friggin nuts" he said, but I did refocus his attention... and his desire to avoid a scrap. I said, "I have proved that fact by still standing here in front of you", he ended up wanting to be my friend... always let somebody that big be your friend if they ask... just sayin'.