Jazmunda's Excellent Adventure in the USA

[Mind Flayer Monk]

Which hotel in Vegas Jaz?
Get ready for all the silliness at the pool (no chairs, no shade, high $$$).
All of that aside, I rather liked the Golden Nugget pool with the sharks visible.

[jazmunda]

About to board a cross country flight. Is there an app which will show me when I need to time my flush so I am over Cape Girardeau, Missouri?

MV, would you prefer #1 or #2 or both?

[Yorkshire pud]

About to board a cross country flight. Is there an app which will show me when I need to time my flush so I am over Cape Girardeau, Missouri?

MV, would you prefer #1 or #2 or both?

You're a bad man. It won't help your case against deportation.

[wr250]

You're a bad man. It won't help your case against deportation.

however it would make 2 nice poop stories for the gabcast

[b_dubb]

jazmunda ... william shatner has a show at the MGM Grand (i think that's the name of the hotel).  tix are available according to shatner's twitter stream

[Tarbaby]

Great thread, Jaz! I'm loving it. Hope you make it back without causing an international incident. :-)

[jazmunda]

Great thread, Jaz! I'm loving it. Hope you make it back without causing an international incident. :-)

It's way too late for that.

[jazmunda]

Great thread, Jaz! I'm loving it. Hope you make it back without causing an international incident. :-)

Not sure I'd be all that interested in that to tell you the truth. Besides being the greatest starship Captain to wear a gurdle, he seems like a bit of a douche and I can't stand the spoken word song unless it is in the original Klingon form.

I have tickets to see the cirque de soleil show O. Looking forward to it. I like contortionist midgets.

[jazmunda]

Day 8:

Flyover Country

Our last day in NYC consisted of getting up for the first time without a splitting headache, having breakfast and the packing up of all our stuff. Packing is my least favorite thing to do whether it be before, during or after a trip. I try to make out as if I'm helping but really it is my wife who does most of the work.

We spent our last remaining hours doing some last minute shopping in SoHo. It is such a lovely area and once again NYC put on a spectacular day weather wise for us and many locals have commented that it is extremely rare to have a weeks worth of consecutive days of sunshine in June. I like to believe that it was I who brought the sunshine. God complex much?

We made it back to the hotel with a few extras heavy bags to back away and a lighter wallet. Luckily we are on our way to Vegas today where I have been told I can easily win back my money. Anyone got any gambling tips they want to part with besides always betting on black?

We left to go to the airport bidding a teary farewell to the city that has been our home for a week. We will definitely miss New York but we'll definitely be back one day. I would love to take my kids here when they are a bit older and they can really appreciate it. I think it's much better to leave a city wanting more than to leave having had enough. This way you want to return and I certainly will.

Once airborne I was thrilled to find out that we had WiFi in the sky. What a brilliant invention. Almost as brilliant as gods invention of flight. What a great way to travel. I can't believe we don't have this service on domestic flights in Australia. I can't imagine that the technology is so difficult or cost prohibitive to roll out. If I was entrereneurial and had serious money or connections I would try to sell it to the Aussie domestic carriers.

Anyway, the 5 and a half hour journey flew by. I watched 3 TV shows on the iPad, surfed the net, posted on BellGab and other forums and was even having a text chat with my mom and sister who are looking after my kids. I have never felt so connected while flying which has always been a disconnected to the rest of the world kinda thing. I even posted the obligatory photo from the plane on Facebook. I'm now one of those losers.

We landed in Vegas and on stepping off the plane the 100 degree heat hits you like a punch in the face. No wonder Art gets grumpy with callers that won't turn off their radio. I would too in this heat especially late at night. Vegas is also a unique, one of a kind, nowhere else in the world like it, kind of city. We were so exhausted from the traveling and partying in NYC and add that to the fact that we were still on NY time and it was well after midnight we retired to our room for some room service and bed. We'll explore this city tomorrow. Hopefully Vegas doesn't bleed me dry, I'm not much of a gambler but my addictive personality is very fragile. Add to that my impulse buying tendencies and this could end up being a disaster. Viva Las Vegas indeed.

[Catsmile]

PROTIP: Don't bet against the house.

[saucerlike]

A+++ thread.  I have to give this the greatest rating possible. 

10 Mega Charmins

[Yorkshire pud]

At least Jaz didn't forget the postcards.

[paladin1991]

I forgot to mention that I saw a guy take a piss right on the street in broad daylight. He was standing on the curb on Broadway just pissing right onto the road. He made no attempt to hide it from the hundreds of passerbys. He didn't even seem like a crazy person. I can now cross that off my bucket list. Thank you New York City.

I hope it was Bateman. If so, I saw your pee pee wee wee.

Fixed it.  Size does matter to some.

[George Drooly]

other forums

W H A T

[Yorkshire pud]

W H A T

It's okay, he's been reported. He won't be thinking such reckless things again.

[jazmunda]

Day 9:

What Happens in Vegas ....

I finally managed to sleep in. When my wife and I booked a 2 week vacation sans the kids we envisioned a life where we could once again sleep in until a godly hour, laze around in bed all day and all the good things associated with not having any responsibilities such as work and family. I won't complain but this has not been so. Long alcohol fueled partying nights, busy schedules and jet lag have seen to my inability to enjoy one of my favorite past pastimes. Sleep. This morning I managed to achieve it and it was heaven.

We ordered a big breakfast as only Vegas can provide. I thought the portion sizes were big in New York delis but Vegas takes the cake. Literally. I have never seen so many fatties in one place before. Whoever hires out those motorized carts for fat and lazy people must be making a fortune.

Our hotel has one of those pools that is virtually a day night club. A friend of ours warned us about going to these and using the pool because you could very easily get pregnant just by entering them. I think I'm all partied out anyways so I will stick to gambling with my money than gamble on catching an STD.

There seems to be a lot of What Happens in Vegas .... going on here. Bachelor parties, women wearing things that leave very little to the imagination, escorts, drunk frat boys and the list goes on. It's been fun to people watch.

We spent most of the afternoon walking up and down the strip. The strip is very much like Times Square in terms of the sheer amount of people. The people watching has been interesting but this heat is killing me. I'm not sure I could live in this climate. The desert isn't for me. Also I've noticed a lot of planes flying straight up or down leaving long trails of contrails. I think Art Bell was on to something.

At night we went to see one of the Cirque De Soleil shows O. It's the one with water and it was truly spectacular. I highly recommend this show to all if you ever find yourself in Vegas.

After the show we headed back to the hotel we thought we'd try out luck at the slots. I've never lost money so quickly in my life before. I don't even understand how these games work but I get what their trick is. It's similar to the old bait and switch. We put $20 in and immediately we won. They had suckered us in. 2 minutes later we were all out. We put another $20 in. We won almost instantly. A minute later we were all out. See a pattern here? Not to be beaten I put another $20 in and this time we had a few small victories but 3 minutes later we were done. $60 was gone in less than 10 minutes. Talk about highway robbery. The old west is not dead it's just been modernized.

We decided to retire for the night and I look back and there are hundreds of mindless drones playing on these machines. None if them look happy. Tomorrow night we'll try our luck at the tables. Methinks we'll suffer a similar fate. Damn you Vegas!!!!

[bigchucka]

At night we went to see one of the Cirque De Soleil shows O. It's the one with water and it was truly spectacular. I highly recommend this show to all if you ever find yourself in Vegas.

After the show we headed back to the hotel we thought we'd try out luck at the slots. I've never lost money so quickly in my life before. I don't even understand how these games work but I get what their trick is. It's similar to the old bait and switch. We put $20 in and immediately we won. They had suckered us in. 2 minutes later we were all out. We put another $20 in. We won almost instantly. A minute later we were all out. See a pattern here? Not to be beaten I put another $20 in and this time we had a few small victories but 3 minutes later we were done. $60 was gone in less than 10 minutes. Talk about highway robbery. The old west is not dead it's just been modernized.

Fuck seeing gymnists.  If I'm going to Vegas, I'm checking out Penn and Teller.

And fuck slot machines.  I'd want some cards dealt to me.

[wr250]

fuck slot machines.  I'd want some cards dealt to me.

there is alot of truth in that.
stay away from the one-armed bandits.

mcarren international airport is almost in the center of the city , which accounts for the smog vegas sees , and all the contrails you see.

[Jackstar]

I do hope that one found the hot dogs as tasty as claimed.

[jazmunda]

Day 10

GabCast Calling

I think all this traveling has finally caught up with us. My wife has a cold and I can feel a cold coming on. I also think the boiling hot weather outside and the freezing cold air con inside isn't helping.

We spent the morning hopping from one themed hotel to another all up and down the strip. From Venice to Ancient Rome to Paris and the New York we got to experience the entire tacky world. Who needs to fly all over the world when you have the best of the world right on your doorstep.

My wife need to go back to the room to rest so I thought I would take this opportunity to listen in on the latest episode of the GabCast. I could hear that they were struggling so I decided to call in and ruin the show even more for them. What better way to call in to the GabCast than from the lavatory no less, complete with toilet flush sound effects.

You can listen to the latest episode of The GabCast here: http://ufoship.com

How's that for cross promotion?

We got some dinner and then hit the tables. I changed $100 and ended up playing with that for about 2 hour before I lucked out. I picked my pride and went to bed.

[wr250]

so are you back home now or continuing your drunken debauchery across america ?

[eddie dean]

so are you back home now or continuing your drunken debauchery across america ?

Yeah, what happened to day 11 & 12?
Nothing to report?
You can't leave us hanging bro. We need to know how this holiday story ends.

[Jackstar]

We need to know how this holiday story ends.

Application to 23rd degree: DENIED, arrives home... to this

[Tarbaby]

I heard a rumor that jazmunda, Mudking and Aldous flew out to Pahrump Nevada to track down the stalker which is why they aren't around lately.

[heater]

and we would have found him too, if it's weren't for you meddling kids!


Operation: God Save the King of Paranormal (GSKP) was all but successful.  Agents 000, 403, & 420 were on the job.

[Tarbaby]

aha! Your quick reply was designed to make us think you're local but little did you know I have an app here that tells me your IP address for your message is actually in Pahrump Nevada.
  And jaz is the one who puts the RUMP in Pahrump. :-)

[Hautex]

The guy at customs didn't have much of a personality but that is what you would expect. You want them to be on the lookout for terrorists and not being your best friend. Every foreigner entering is finger printed via a scanner and not the old fashioned ink ones and has their photo taken. I think this is also done to confirm you are the same person if you ever return and not someone using someone else's passport. It was pleasant enough experience. No anal probes is also appreciated.

Jaz, never joke at the Mexican border! Returning from our monthly trips to Ciudad Acuna, I made the mistake, when the customs officer asked me if I was bringing anything back with me, I said "I won't know for a couple weeks when the burning starts"......