Saw Art yesterday

[NoodleheadSux]

I saw Art in my bushes.. raping a Havalina.   

[Baron Landscape]

I saw Art at a White Castle. He looked at me and blinked his reptilian eyelids.

[onan]

Art and I were sitting in the back booth of a dark and smoke filled bar. The only sounds were muffled chatter from the other customers. The sound of someone racking for a game of pool. We sat there for the better part of an hour, just kind of waiting for the other to speak. Then he quit.

[TheMan WhoFell ToEarth]

Arturo Bellisimo came to Cincinnati and made some incredibly unfavorable comments about our mothers.

[georgesucks]

Art got me pregnant.

Are you going to have a boy,a girl or a hybrid human?

[TheMan WhoFell ToEarth]

Are you going to have a boy,a girl or a hybrid human?

He's having Hoagland's new wig.

[bateman]

Are you going to have a boy,a girl or a hybrid human?

Somewhat of a cat.

[PB the Deplorable]

I was down to about a quarter tank, so I stopped at a gas station yesterday to fill up.  No sooner had I stopped but no other than Art Bell came running out to pump my gas. 

Driving away, I realized he had actually syphoned out the gas I had when I drove up, except for just enough to get me a ways down the street.

[jazmunda]

I wonder if Art would be amused, disgusted or somewhat indifferent about this thread?

[BobGrau]

Art called me on his cell phone. I told him 'Bateman gets it' then went to commercial.

[aldousburbank]

Art got me pregnant.

Art asked me to silence Foodlion ($), and raise the child as a proper Catholic/Mason. I am open to competing bids from athiests, Scientologists and followers of Nordic Gods.

[guildnavigator]

Art Bell came down my chimney in the middle of the night and ate some cookies. Then he snuck into my room while I was asleep. He suddenly flashed the lights off and on while yelling "TURN DOWN YOUR RADIO!!!!"

I leapt from the bed, foaming at the mouth (as usual) and moved to strike him. When my fist was near making contact with Art Bell he disappeared in a flash of light.

[aldousburbank]

Art Bell came down my chimney in the middle of the night and ate some cookies. Then he snuck into my room while I was asleep. He suddenly flashed the lights off and on while yelling "TURN DOWN YOUR RADIO!!!!"

I leapt from the bed, foaming at the mouth (as usual) and moved to strike him. When my fist was near making contact with Art Bell he disappeared in a flash of light.

I don't buy it, the part about you were asleep.  :

[guildnavigator]

I don't buy it, the part about you were asleep.  :

I should have stated, for clarification, that I use more commas than necessary in certain instances sentences. I also should have stated, for clarification, that I was feigning sleep when Art Bell entered the room.

I I I I I I HAVE TO% GO

[FallenSeraph]

Dark Noir:  The Dog Star Mystery, Chapter 1

Art picked me up in a rented Cadillac and we headed for the Copacabana in Vegas where we planned to see Lee Hazelwood and Nancy Sinatra.  The show started a bit late but Lee and Nancy were fantastic, and Art was in an unusually good mood.  About halfway into "Some Velvet Morning" we noticed a couple of shifty-looking characters standing just to the left of the stage looking our way and whispering to one another.  Next, the mustached one pointed at us and it looked as if they were headed our way.  I quickly paid the tab and we quietly slipped out the emergency exit, stepping into a dark alley.  A frightened cat jumped from a garbage can creating a terrible racket as he ran off toward the East.  The Honeymooners blasted from a television in an apartment above the club.  Art noticed a phone booth on the corner and hurried off to make a call while I waited outside.  There was a chill in the night air, it was unusually cold for the desert.  Glancing at my watch I noticed it was was nearly midnight.  I looked up and saw that the Moon was full.  I remembered that Mercury was retrograde, then thought about the number eight I'd placed in my wallet just that morning.  Art emerged from the phone booth, smiled broadly and led me to the Cadillac.  As I got in I noticed a small gift box on the front seat...

In it was a small mustache-trimmer and some shoe polish. "Wait, that was supposed to be body oil," Art said.

[paladin1991]

I was stacking cans at the local Trader Joe's.  Organic Pinto beans, Cuban style black beans, Cannalini beans, Organic Red Kidney beans....  I shuffled off to stack jars of pasta sauce, TJ's Organic Rustic Garlic Marinara, Organic Mushroom Marinara, Traditional Marinara and cans of TJ's Tomato paste.
A voice behind me, "Where do you keep the ice cream?"
"On the frozen aisle, pal."
"Indeed?  And where might one find this 'frozen aisle'?"
"It will be the one with all the freezers." a beat.  "Sir."

I  turned to face the miscreant and found HIM standing there with a cat cuddled to his chest.  "Art, cats are not allowed in the market, Health code.  You know?"
"It's a service cat." 

We stared at each other for a long minute.  His breath smelled of cat food, and there was a suspicious stain on his shirt pocket.  The cat licked his pocket and Art purred.

I turned and went back to stacking cans.  42 grand a year and I gotta put up with 'service cats.'  Good thing I'm paid by the hour.

[ItsOver]

I wonder if Art would be amused, disgusted or somewhat indifferent about this thread?

I saw Art reading this thread.  He just snickered and mumbled "vaguely lovable" and then went back to his Ham radio, chewing on  some pepperoni pizza doused in pizza punch.

[guildnavigator]

I saw Art reading this thread.  He just snickered and mumbled "vaguely lovable" and then went back to his Ham radio, chewing on  some pepperoni pizza doused in pizza punch.

I call BS, he don't eat pepperoni.

[FallenSeraph]

I was stacking cans at the local Trader Joe's.  Organic Pinto beans, Cuban style black beans, Cannalini beans, Organic Red Kidney beans....  I shuffled off to stack jars of pasta sauce, TJ's Organic Rustic Garlic Marinara, Organic Mushroom Marinara, Traditional Marinara and cans of TJ's Tomato paste.
A voice behind me, "Where do you keep the ice cream?"
"On the frozen aisle, pal."
"Indeed?  And where might one find this 'frozen aisle'?"
"It will be the one with all the freezers." a beat.  "Sir."

I  turned to face the miscreant and found HIM standing there with a cat cuddled to his chest.  "Art, cats are not allowed in the market, Health code.  You know?"
"It's a service cat." 

We stared at each other for a long minute.  His breath smelled of cat food, and there was a suspicious stain on his shirt pocket.  The cat licked his pocket and Art purred.

I turned and went back to stacking cans.  42 grand a year and I gotta put up with 'service cats.'  Good thing I'm paid by the hour.

a beat 

[ItsOver]

I call BS, he don't eat pepperoni.

I've seen Art eat lots of things. 

[jazmunda]

Art Bell has red eyes and lives in my closet. He does awful things at night. I still leave the closet open though.

[georgesucks]

Art and I were having some fun last night. We were making some pizza rolls.

[bigchucka]

Art asked me to silence Foodlion ($), and raise the child as a proper Catholic/Mason. I am open to competing bids from athiests, Scientologists and followers of Nordic Gods.

I may not be Thor, but I wake up with his hammer every morning.

[guildnavigator]

Just got back from the Taco truck, and lo and behold, who was it standing in line in front of me ordering eight Lengua tacos, but Art Bell himself. He took his order to stay, so I followed suit. We struck up a conversation.

One question led to another, and Art Bell proceeded to tell me and the rest of the patrons at the Tacos La Juanita taco truck the entire story of his Ouija Board Experience. He orated in such great detail that I noticed an elderly man nearby who was almost in tears as he clenched his hat in his hands, transfixed on the master storyteller before him. After finishing his story, the group of patrons stood up and applauded. Art Bell gave a nod of acknowledgement to the crowd as he bit into his last Taco.

The group of men dispersed, and the parking lot beside the truck was now nearly empty. Art Bell walked over to the trash can, threw out his empty plate of Lengua Tacos, and pulled out half a sheet of paper from his back pocket. He proceeded to wipe his hands clean with the sheet of paper. Then instead of throwing it in the trash, he simply dropped it on the ground and walked off around the corner.

I walked over to look at the paper because it seemed to have something written on one side. I was halfway to the garbage can when a gust of wind picked up and blew the paper to my feet.

"ART, PLEASE DO NOT WIPE YOUR HANDS ON THIS COPY OF MY BIGFOOT MAP. THESE BODIES ARE REAL IMPORTANT TO HISTORY AND BESIDES THAT, I WOULD NOT LIKE TO BE HELD LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE IF THEY ARE IN FACT NOT BIGFEET. STILL HAVE NOT HEARD FROM MY NEIGHBORS.  - BUGGS"

Underneath this was a map of Northeast Texas with a red "X" on it.

PM 4 deetz

[bateman]

Art Bell has red eyes and lives in my closet. He does awful things at night. I still leave the closet open though.

Which is WHY you leave the closet door open.

[slippingaway]

And here I was thinking this was going to be a serious thread. This is why we cant have nice things!

Indeed, sir.  I questioned the authenticity of the OP's sighting. Question answered when I googled infetterence. 

I saw art the other night.  I was in bed, and all of the sudden bright light started flooding in from outside.  I leaned forward, and Art was there, at the foot of my bed. Then Abba started playing and I was levitated out of my bed and through the wall, and into a dark cavern-like room. He did terrible things to me. Butt things.

[aldousburbank]

Just got back from the Taco truck, and lo and behold, who was it standing in line in front of me ordering eight Lengua tacos, but Art Bell himself. He took his order to stay, so I followed suit. We struck up a conversation.

One question led to another, and Art Bell proceeded to tell me and the rest of the patrons at the Tacos La Juanita taco truck the entire story of his Ouija Board Experience. He orated in such great detail that I noticed an elderly man nearby who was almost in tears as he clenched his hat in his hands, transfixed on the master storyteller before him. After finishing his story, the group of patrons stood up and applauded. Art Bell gave a nod of acknowledgement to the crowd as he bit into his last Taco.

The group of men dispersed, and the parking lot beside the truck was now nearly empty. Art Bell walked over to the trash can, threw out his empty plate of Lengua Tacos, and pulled out half a sheet of paper from his back pocket. He proceeded to wipe his hands clean with the sheet of paper. Then instead of throwing it in the trash, he simply dropped it on the ground and walked off around the corner.

I walked over to look at the paper because it seemed to have something written on one side. I was halfway to the garbage can when a gust of wind picked up and blew the paper to my feet.

"ART, PLEASE DO NOT WIPE YOUR HANDS ON THIS COPY OF MY BIGFOOT MAP. THESE BODIES ARE REAL IMPORTANT TO HISTORY AND BESIDES THAT, I WOULD NOT LIKE TO BE HELD LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE IF THEY ARE IN FACT NOT BIGFEET. STILL HAVE NOT HEARD FROM MY NEIGHBORS.  - BUGGS"

Underneath this was a map of Northeast Texas with a red "X" on it.

PM 4 deetz

Yeah but what about the tacos dude?

[WhiteCrow]

Just got back from the Taco truck, and lo and behold, who was it standing in line in front of me ordering eight Lengua tacos, but Art Bell himself. He took his order to stay, so I followed suit. We struck up a conversation.

One question led to another, and Art Bell proceeded to tell me and the rest of the patrons at the Tacos La Juanita taco truck the entire story of his Ouija Board Experience. He orated in such great detail that I noticed an elderly man nearby who was almost in tears as he clenched his hat in his hands, transfixed on the master storyteller before him. After finishing his story, the group of patrons stood up and applauded. Art Bell gave a nod of acknowledgement to the crowd as he bit into his last Taco.

The group of men dispersed, and the parking lot beside the truck was now nearly empty. Art Bell walked over to the trash can, threw out his empty plate of Lengua Tacos, and pulled out half a sheet of paper from his back pocket. He proceeded to wipe his hands clean with the sheet of paper. Then instead of throwing it in the trash, he simply dropped it on the ground and walked off around the corner.

I walked over to look at the paper because it seemed to have something written on one side. I was halfway to the garbage can when a gust of wind picked up and blew the paper to my feet.

"ART, PLEASE DO NOT WIPE YOUR HANDS ON THIS COPY OF MY BIGFOOT MAP. THESE BODIES ARE REAL IMPORTANT TO HISTORY AND BESIDES THAT, I WOULD NOT LIKE TO BE HELD LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE IF THEY ARE IN FACT NOT BIGFEET. STILL HAVE NOT HEARD FROM MY NEIGHBORS.  - BUGGS"

Underneath this was a map of Northeast Texas with a red "X" on it.

PM 4 deetz

What are your plans for the map?
Legally it's now yours... Finders keepers, case law thingie.

[UnscreenedCaller]

Art asked me to ride his seesaw..... he had it with him in a rusted out pickup truck with cat family decals.

[guildnavigator]

Yeah but what about the tacos dude?

They was delicious