Noory's Transcript [help required]

[noorysmoustache]

OK, so after listening to him waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much than I should have, I've now an imprint etched, scorched - no, scarred onto my mind including his favourite phrases. Traditionally, the show would start with a hollow-sounding enthusiastic welcome like this;

First Hour - News and Expert Analysis


....

Welcome & Introduction of Guest

"Hey [insert guest name here], how are you!"

"I know - it's been too long. Hey, I'm down at the [insert conference which George is attending to contribute to his growing collection of Facebook meet and greet pictures] so will see you there. I remember when we first met, at [insert conference which George attended to have pictures taken of him and his fans for the profile pictures and name a time/date] and I thought 'Who is this guy - we've got to get him on the show!"

They talk a little while, before George interjects, normally before the top of the hour;

"I couldn't wait for this show tonight. I'm so interested/fascinated in [insert topic subject here] and have been, ever since [insert fabled, well-worn story of George's past here]."

They'll waffle on and make small talk for a little, depending on the rapport between him and the guest and then it's straight to business;

The Topical Discussion Part of the show


[stopping guest mid-flow]".... you want to know what I think?"

"I think traffic lights have souls. It's almost as if they know, when you approach them, when to change colour"

The conversation then goes one of two ways. Either George lets the guest agree/continue his story after a ridiculous intermission, or George will back up his fact with an equally dumbfounding piece of evidence from his childhood;

"When I was a child in Detroit, I remember when my mother gave me a magazine on snake porn. I was enthralled, it was like 'Hey! I gotta look into this stuff!'. Anyway, what I read in that book has perhaps been my inspiration to carry on in this field, investigating [insert topic here, for example, intelligent traffic lights]"

Then there is always, always one of his favourite lines. I'm sure I can remote view him looking down at his paper, making sure he doesn't trip up over one of his favourite questions;

"[insert guest name here], what is the most fascinating case you've worked on?"

The chances are this that question was already answered an hour ago, in great detail by the guest.

Open Lines

This is a perfect opportunity to George to bask in the glory of his work, as the screeners carefully wade through an assortment of devoted nutjobs, positively frothing at the thought to compliment him. (No need to give an example of the callers as there is already a fantastically accurate thread on it already, however, please do so as it's amusing anyway)


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If possible, I'd like to add to this transcript with other Nooryisms and regular phrases/remarks he makes until we've enough material for an entire C2C show.

So, suggestions please!

[noorysmoustache]

I've just realised I've got to work something in about "no coincidences", when he was a "news boy" (in Chicago?) and something else he so often says, which I've just forgotten

[Seamus Capone]

"I think traffic lights have souls. It's almost as if they know, when you approach them, when to change colour"[/i]

That was one of the funniest things I've read on....the internet. You might have heard this story, so forgive me if it's old to you. Noory once felt that he shouldn't proceed into traffic after the traffic light changed from red to green. An angel or his intuition told him to stay put. Just then, a car sped through a red light. It would have crashed into the left or right side of his car if he wouldn't have stayed put. As you probably know, he has a tale to fit all occasions.

Noory Voice: "Moustache, what first got you interested in this topic?"

[Morgus]

I've just realised I've got to work something in about "no coincidences", when he was a "news boy" (in Chicago?) and something else he so often says, which I've just forgotten

he likes to utter "UN-BUH-LEAVE-A-BULL" a lot too

[noorysmoustache]

Hahaha, that's quality!!! Thank you for the suggestions, I will be adding them shortly.

Maybe I can get onto C2C at somepoint in the near future and talk about the haunted/intelligent traffic light phenomena.

[Seamus Capone]

Hahaha, that's quality!!! Thank you for the suggestions, I will be adding them shortly.

Maybe I can get onto C2C at somepoint in the near future and talk about the haunted/intelligent traffic light phenomena.

Listen to this one. We heard the first fifteen or so minutes of tonight's show. The first guest talked about hidden cameras at....traffic lights. It almost makes you think that we're being monitored.

Noory Voice: "I had a "Lost In Space" thermos when I was a kid. It kept my soup hot, and it kept my milk cold. How did it know when to keep stuff hot or cold? There's somethin' goin' on with these thermoses!"

[Morgus]

Noory Voice: "I had a "Lost In Space" thermos when I was a kid. It kept my soup hot, and it kept my milk cold. How did it know when to keep stuff hot or cold? There's somethin' goin' on with these thermoses!"

Robot Voice: "That does not compute" 

[noorysmoustache]

Listen to this one. We heard the first fifteen or so minutes of tonight's show. The first guest talked about hidden cameras at....traffic lights. It almost makes you think that we're being monitored.

Noory Voice: "I had a "Lost In Space" thermos when I was a kid. It kept my soup hot, and it kept my milk cold. How did it know when to keep stuff hot or cold? There's somethin' goin' on with these thermoses!"

Haha, that's brilliant, truly brilliant - and yes, you have to wonder if we are being monitored. In fact, I think we are, definitely. After all, there are no coincidences!

Will have to flesh out the transcript soon but I've been having way too much fun reading the George Noory Sucks Definitive Compendium to begin!

I just mentioned on there as well that I love it when Noory is clearly either too dumb or completely disinterested, he reverts to an automated response. For example, a caller saying: "Oh, great show George" and he'll say something in return like "Hey, I'm fine thanks" ...

[Seamus Capone]

I just mentioned on there as well that I love it when Noory is clearly either too dumb or completely disinterested, he reverts to an automated response. For example, a caller saying: "Oh, great show George" and he'll say something in return like "Hey, I'm fine thanks" ...

I know *exactly* what you mean. It's like he's too busy clipping his nails or surfing the web to hear what the guest just said.

Guest Voice: "I might not be able to attend the Alternative Health Fair Expo this year."
Noory Voice: "Good point."

[noorysmoustache]

I know *exactly* what you mean. It's like he's too busy clipping his nails or surfing the web to hear what the guest just said.

Guest Voice: "I might not be able to attend the Alternative Health Fair Expo this year."
Noory Voice: "Good point."

 

That's brilliant.

Guest: (Long-winded explanation that is too technical for George).
GN: "Sure".

I have to finish this transcript on intelligent traffic lights!

[Seamus Capone]

 

That's brilliant.

Guest: (Long-winded explanation that is too technical for George).
GN: "Sure".

I have to finish this transcript on intelligent traffic lights!

I caught some of tonight's show. The guest discussed how to deal with troublemaking beings from the astral plane. He mentioned ghosts and demons, of course. The subject of possessed people came up during the show. Noory mentioned that his female friend acts surly and ugly after she gets drunk. He took this as evidence of demonic possession. He compared the woman to Mr. Hyde, like it was shtrange for people to act abnormally after they drank a few too many, er, spirits. It was like listening to an eight-year-old breathlessly describing his first encounter with a drunk.

[noorysmoustache]

First Hour - News and Expert Analysis


"From the heart land of America and the gateway to the west, good morning, good evening wherever you may be, across the nation or around the world - I'm George Noory and welcome to Coast to Coast AM. Later tonight, Dr Leonard C. Ballbag and his fascinating study into intelligent traffic lights, their undeniable link to terrorism and Al-Qaeda - followed by your thoughts on Open Lines. Here's what's happening..."

"...A psychic cat has been mystifying people in Japan with its predictions - with some speculating the cat even foretold the Japanese earthquake on March the eleventh this year. "Little Meow-Meow", as she's known, gained notoriety after its owner, Mizumo Tanaka uploaded videos of the cat making its predictions using a bean counter and a scented toy mouse to YouTube.

"In other news, Science Advisor, owner of a beautifully coiffured space-age mane and head of the 'Enterprise Mission dot com', Richard C. Hoagland has a very special update for us tonight... after discovering a strange correlation between the moon's surface and the flooring in the NASA canteen. Richard C., what have you found?"

RCH: "Oh George, this has been the smoking gun we and all Coast listeners have been waiting for."
GN: "So, what have you got for us?"
RCH: "This is so huge it will knock-your-socks-off. One of my contacts deep within the organisation has sent my a picture that, without doubt, proves that NASA has knowledge of extra-terrestrial life on the moon. What's more, George, is that this life is intelligent and still exists today. Remember the monkey face, George?"
GN: "Whose monkey face?"
RCH: "On the surface of the moon - you remember that, don't you?"
GN: "Absolutely! The chimp thing!"
RCH: "No, it's definitely a monkey. Anyway, that's besides the point. This picture, George, is a huge a step to proving the existence of intelligent life on the moon but - and this is the conspiracy - NASA's been hiding it"
GN: "No way! Are we talking cover-ups here?"
RCH: "Massive cover-ups... this is probably the biggest cover-up in the history of the entire human race. The picture, and the information I received categorically proves that NASA not only knows about who or what lives on the moon - but they've also communicated with it. You want to know the most fascinating thing?"
GN: "Why not? Go for it!"
RCH: "Someone in NASA has been dropping little breadcrumbs, quite literally and quite frankly, in attempt to leak the story"
GN: "What do you mean?"
RCH: Remember I told you and the Coast listeners a few weeks back that I was talking to someone very high inside NASA? We're not talking about a sous-chef here.
GN: "Of course!"
RCH: "Over the past few weeks, a pattern has been emerging within NASA, and we all love patterns, don't we?"
GN: "We all love... Sure"
RCH: "Well, someone - and I'm not going to speculate here as we don't deal in speculation on here - has been deliberately spilling their morning cup of Joe, in the same, specific spot, day-after-day, night-after-night, in the NASA canteen. After the first and second spillage, a cleaner spotted the stain and was about to remove it, when..."
GN: "Definitely"
RCH: "...when someone, dressed in all-black - and there's a common denominator if there every was one - told her that it was best she didn't touch the stain. Anyway, the days and nights pass and the same guy - who no-one has been able to identify to me, yet - is still doing his thing; a drop here, a smudge there until one day, it stops."
GN: "It stops?"
RCH: "It stops. He disappears. Now, as we all know, very little malpractice or anything or anyone suspicious at NASA raises the alarm bells straight away but no-one seemed to know who this person was. I've asked everyone George, everyone.
GN: "Is the stain like a dried, experimental, caffeinated patch of NASA-brand Sea Monkeys? You know, when you put them with water they grow and turn into moon-aliens or something?"
RCH: "Oh no, nothing like that. Upon investigation by my new source, the patch, the smudged, distorted, indistinguishable stain was more distinguishable than we at first gave it credit for."
GN: "Is it like one of those crusty, hard-to-remove coffee stains that still linger faintly, no matter how many times you try to rub it out of your carpet?"
RCH: "This picture that was sent to me... well, If I'm not mistaken and I don't think I am, shows the moon-monkey's face in the stain! I had the picture, which is a camera-phone picture placed over the original moon-monkey picture and they match. They actually match. This is unprecedented and since then, someone has been dropping breadcrumbs in and around the area of the stain, which now means it's almost a three-dimensional replica of the moon-monkey"
GN: "Fascinating"
RCH: "Isn't it? I'll have to come back on when you've got some more time and give you a full explanation of what this really means to the world, to the human race and to a couple of oldies like me and you, George"
GN: "Heh he he, Well, I know the listeners like me would love that and we'll look forward to having you on Richard. We love your shows and I love to hear about stuff that I've been so fascinated about for such a long time. Hey, have you got anything on the horizon?"
RCH: "Well, yes.... now that you've asked. I'm going to be at the 'Gnomes in Gnome, Alaska' conference and I'm also going to be in Los Angeles very soon"
GN: "Great... We have to meet"
RCH: "Oh, we will... and I think you owe lunch!"
GN: "That I do, that I do... Up next, Leonard C. Ballbag on intelligent traffic lights and terrorism!"
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more coming as I type!