Anyone dealt with a parent diagnosed with Alzheimer

[akwilly]

I would appreciate any real life experiences as to what to expect

[onan]

I would appreciate any real life experiences as to what to expect

It depends a great deal on many variables. Were any imaging tests done?

How old is your parent with this diagnosis?  How active are they both mentally and physically? Is there any history of dementia? Has there been a CDR (clinical dementia rating)?

Dementia can be quite subtle at onset. As the condition progresses there can be personality changes, poorer impulse control, leading to potentially explosive anger and physical aggression.

I am sincerely sorry to hear this. This disease breaks the hearts of those that have and continue to love someone with this disease.

On the positive side, people can live for years with little impairment. Staying active, especially in social aspects is important.

For you and your family, consider doing all the fun things you can find. In the end what we remember are the moments that bring us emotional responses. Laughing with a loved one doesn't make us immortal, it does however make our time more valuable.

Godspeed to you.

[akwilly]

It depends a great deal on many variables. Were any imaging tests done?

How old is your parent with this diagnosis?  How active are they both mentally and physically? Is there any history of dementia? Has there been a CDR (clinical dementia rating)?

Dementia can be quite subtle at onset. As the condition progresses there can be personality changes, poorer impulse control, leading to potentially explosive anger and physical aggression.

I am sincerely sorry to hear this. This disease breaks the hearts of those that have and continue to love someone with this disease.

On the positive side, people can live for years with little impairment. Staying active, especially in social aspects is important.

For you and your family, consider doing all the fun things you can find. In the end what we remember are the moments that bring us emotional responses. Laughing with a loved one doesn't make us immortal, it does however make our time more valuable.

Godspeed to you.

I can't thank you enough for the kindest post. I don't have much more info other than he is 69 and initially went to the hospital because of possible stroke. When there the did cat scans and saw parts of his brain had shrunk and he didn't have fluid on his spine close to the neck area. That was a month or so ago and the other day Alzheimer's was what the doctor said. I have noticed memory loss at a weekly loss. Again thank you for such a thoughtful post and thank you for letting me get this off my chest. I haven't shared this info mostly due to the fact I am a child of divorce and things are complicated.

[albrecht]

I would appreciate any real life experiences as to what to expect

Not that it is positive but on the positive-side (if at all possible) is that there are many stages but towards the end especially the pain is really on the spouse and relatives as the person aren't aware of their condition. So it is very important to also think about yourself and/or the patient's spouse, family, etc also- both in the care but mentally, stress, etc. And also be aware that things they might say is not from "them" and there can be personality changes- that at times can be shocking or upsetting. If available I would suggest getting professional help because, later especially, taking care of the person can be upsetting and stressful and time-consuming.

In the early stages: routine, games (crosswords, bridge, etc,) activity, talking about old times, looking at old photographs, visiting with family/friends, and not just propping them up to watch tv can help. I recall this article from a few years ago which I found fascinating and an interesting idea. Granted it doesn't, likely "cure" anything but maybe makes it easier or more manageable. I think a very interesting idea because in my experienced (thankfully only with one person) even towards the end they remembered things "in the past" and would talk to "recent" relatives as if they were people or relatives they knew in the past. (So like an uncle who has been married for decades wife would be talked about/addressed as his girlfriend, my sister-in-law would be talked about as if she was her cousin, etc.)
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/11/the-dutch-village-where-everyone-has-dementia/382195/

Good luck and have strength, it is a horrible disease.

[Who]

May I recommend this book? 



http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1557534624/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_1?pf_rd_p=1944687462&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1557533660&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1787GXDJF0504M4RYKVZ

People with dementia or Alzheimer's (Alzheimer's is the most common form of dementia) lose short term memory but retain long term memory much longer as the disease progresses.  "Moments of joy" are essential.  For example, if they ask why they haven't seen their mother or father recently (who are deceased), don't tell them they're deceased.  Tell them whatever will make them happy.  Give them a moment of joy.  They're going to forget about it 20 minutes later anyway and move onto something else.  So say something like, "Grandma's doing fine.  She'll probably be over to see you tomorrow."  That will make him happy (a moment of joy) he'll forget that conversation and move onto something else.  Some people insist on always telling an Alzheimer's patient the truth.  A big mistake. "Now you know Grandma died ten years ago!" No, he doesn't know that.   All that does is make him relive his grief - again and again and again.  I would highly recommend that book for everyone who will care for your dad.  It really is all about moments of joy.  Godspeed my friend.

[Billy Joe Mulgreavey]

II haven't shared this info mostly due to the fact I am a child of divorce and things are complicated.

akwilly, sorry, I don't have any experiences with Alzheimers, but I do understand and sympathize with the complications and damage that comes with a broken family.  Prayers to your Dad, your family, and to you.  I hope you can find a way to navigate through those complications.   

[Yorkshire pud]

Although she wasn't diagnosed with it, my late mother had signs for a few years before she died of an unrelated illness. Her mother died aged 92 but had dementia from about 85.. my mother's eldest sister had it before she passed away and their surviving sister has it badly. My cousin says it's very difficult to try and keep it positive. She seems for instance to remember one if his sons but not the other.

I'm not sure what you can do other than build on the things that can be remembered and try to be patient- believe me I know how that can be stretched. It's very frustrating sometimes and you question yourself! 'Did I really not tell them that after all?'
Best wishes though.

[ziznak]

I've watched 2 of my grandparents go through alzheimers/dementia it's not pretty.  My grandmother basically gave up and let herself waste away ... refused to eat.  I remember coming to see her at one point and trying to get her to drink some water.  She was just laying in her room at the home in the dark like... waiting for death.  My grandpop went a similar way and I have another grandmother who is right at the edge of sanity.  We're moving her to assisted living soon... or whatever comes after that.

the more I learn about dying of old age the more I hope to be vaporized quickly with my wits still in tact... its really sad wily my heart goes out to you

[Uncle Duke]

My grandmother's Alzheimer's journey was not nearly as grim as we had expected.  While her memory was at best spotty, she seemed to be pleasantly surprised with meeting "new" people and having "new" experiences.  Her joy and excitement in such situations could be almost child-like.  Yes, it was sad for my Dad and his siblings to not be recognized by their own mother, but she was still very happy spending time them and their families.  One of few time I ever saw my Dad cry was when his Mom told us once, "All of you are so nice to me".  She passed peacefully, and I think knowing we loved her even if she didn't understand who we were.

[analog kid]

Very sad. Sorry to hear that, akwilly.

[(Sandman) Logan-5]

I've watched 2 of my grandparents go through alzheimers/dementia it's not pretty.  My grandmother basically gave up and let herself waste away ... refused to eat.  I remember coming to see her at one point and trying to get her to drink some water.  She was just laying in her room at the home in the dark like... waiting for death.  My grandpop went a similar way and I have another grandmother who is right at the edge of sanity.  We're moving her to assisted living soon... or whatever comes after that.

the more I learn about dying of old age the more I hope to be vaporized quickly with my wits still in tact... its really sad wily my heart goes out to you

Refusing to eat , or forgetting to eat is a common symptom.
Please akwilly, whomever this is, have them immediately tested for Lyme's disease and Bovine spongiform encephilitis. If caught early, both can be reversed. Many cases of dementia and Alzheimers are mis-diagnosed. BSE is a prion disease that incubates for years before showing signs and there is an antibiotic that will kill it. Once these are eliminated as a source of affliction, talk to a dietician. Proper diet can eliminate or at least mitigate most dementia. Social interaction and just a plain daily walk will also help. My last surviving grandparent is almost a centenarian and I deal with this also. It's very difficult because some days she's cognizant and lucid, whereas on other days she's like a record with a skip that keeps playing the same thing over and over. Again, this is a very difficult situation. Have this person tested.

[Inglorious Bitch]

Akwilly I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Does he live with any family members who can watch or care for him?

[akwilly]

I really appreciate all the wonderful advice but even more I appreciate the kind words. I will do the best I can to deal with this situation and I won't bring it up anymore on bellgab. We all go through bad times but they are lessoned when we don't feel alone. So again I thank you all and I am going to go back to posting fun stuff and hopefully taking crap from you all.

[WhiteCrow]

Akwilly, sorry to read.  It's hard. but there are many memories that are intact.. For a long time.

This not a joke or being a wise guy. Its a stress relief for me when answering the same question every five minutes.

I give a complete different answer.. Many  times it stimulates an interesting conversation. Conversation is forgotten and same question is asked again.

Wash, Rinse, Repeat

[Hog]

Short term memory is attacked 1st, not remembering what they had for the last meal, putting the milk in the cupboard and the sugar in the freezer.
Long term memories are then attacked as brain density decreases.
one thing I have noticed though is that not one of my patients has forgotten their sexual preference.  I have had many an afflicted female patient grab my ass or comment on "the tall drink of water" who just walked by.

  Forgetfullness and/or demetia is NOT a normal process of aging.
It is a very demanding position to be a caregiver for a person with dementia. Caregiver burnout is a problem, just be sure to educate yourself, get help set up early. Most of all educate yourself. there are numerous support groups, even read some online education websites.
Dementia is frustrating for the affected person, the common joke that people with Alzheimer type dementia simply forget everything and dont know the difference because of this forgetfullness is simply not true and undermines the serious issues associated with dementias.

There will be some possible behaviours not commonly associated with your loved one, such as swearing by a person who never used to swear.  Just remember that while in body they are your same old mom/dad, their brain really has changed on the physical level.  The personality dies while the body merilessly continues on.  It is a horrible disease, one of the worst. The person that used to take care of you, becomes the person that you must care for, on every inimate level that a parent cares for a child.

Read read read, and try to laugh at the silly stuff.  I apologize for the frankness of my post, but I wish someone would have been straight with me when I went through this.  I wish you and your loved one the best.

peace
Hog

[akwilly]

Thank you Hog

[Open Lines Gerry]

Akwilly, I'm sorry to hear about your dad's condition, and will hope and pray for the best for him, you, and your family.  I don't have any advice for you, but if it helps to talk about it on here, you shouldn't hesitate or feel bad about it.  You're among friends, and will find a lot of support from the people on BellGab.  Take care.

[akwilly]

Akwilly, I'm sorry to hear about your dad's condition, and will hope and pray for the best for him, you, and your family.  I don't have any advice for you, but if it helps to talk about it on here, you shouldn't hesitate or feel bad about it.  You're among friends, and will find a lot of support from the people on BellGab.  Take care.

Thank you

[Auslandia]

Sucks man.  Focus on the good stuff & have patience

[albrecht]

Akwilly one thing I forgot to mention- deal with these now while he is still well, relatively and hope makes things easier if it gets worse. Plan now with regard to POA, Will (and or 'living will' or DNRs,) other estate planning, burial wants (or cremation etc, ) Executor/trix, caregiving responsibilites, nd his wishes. This can avoid headaches and family squabbles and stress later in the event. And if he gets to point of not managing himself there will be clearer plan of action, more agreement between family, abiding to his wishes, and less headaches (dealing banks, finances,  professional help, hospitals, etc.) Good luck and remember to take of yourself because in later stages the real hardship is on spouse, family, etc