Yeah, unless you do a lot of graphics rendering and video editing, 16 cores is altogether unnecessary.
You could do everything you described with no more than a core2-duo, to be honest.
I just want to "punch" my email and have it open in less than 10 seconds.
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How's your network speed? Better hardware could help you load your desktop client faster (if you use one), but you need the bandwidth to go with it, especially if you get your email online with a web interface.
Another thing that is a constant plague to me is printers...
Try updating your drivers...sometimes compatible drivers are an issue if you're on linux (you didn't specify your current OS), otherwise, all major manufacturers have current drivers for Win.
How loaded is your drive? How many processes are running in the background on startup? When is the last time you updated your anti-malware and actually sat through a scan or three? (you might consider doing this before you do anything else if it's been awhile).
...is not built where there are anti suicide netting to keep the workers from jumping
I get that, but even back in the XT days, all the compatibles came from Taiwan, so we're talking since about 1982 or '83 here.
Just my opinion and I'm no expert, but if you're on Win: Run some anti-malware first, here's an example:
(run in this order)
TDSSKILLER.exe - From Kaspersky - check for rootkits and disable
MBAR.exe - from Malwarebytes - check for rootkits and malware
MB3 - From Malwarebytes - scan and virus removal
ADWCLEANER.exe - From Malwarebytes - adware removal
After that, put on a *new* copy of something like Avast or Avira - Kaspersky has the best rating for recognition, but it's pretty aggressive and can slow your machine down in some cases, but if you haven't already done so (and you're on a Win box), get and install the ransomeware patch from MS (Avast will actually prompt you to do this if that's what you decide to go with - it's KB4012215, get the right one for your OS).
After all that (if you're on Win 7, 8 or 8.1), you'd be money ahead to run a MS telemetry, keylogger, spyware, forced update KB-removal script from this link:
https://gist.github.com/xvitaly/eafa75ed2cb79b3bd4e9Pretty much, just upgrading hardware isn't going to get you all the way there. In the long run, computers require software maintenance on a fairly regular basis, so i'd try some cleanup first (if you're on Windows).
And don't let anyone tell you linux and Mac are beyond malware, it just ain't so, keep it maintained and good luck.