Dreamsmasher (hahaha)
Thanks for the detailed and in-depth reply. I just found your post by accident, have not checked this forum for awhile.
Your last comment is what sold it for me. I assumed the project as a challenge and a learning experience, but not worthwhile for no gain. I'll just install the 32 bit version and wash my hands of it. I've tried running Windows off of a flash drive -- forget it. Way too slow.
I need one of the laptops for work. There are no Linux drivers available for the printer that I have at work (sure wish that there were), and I have a few programs that will only run on Windows and no equivalent on Linux (such as access to my iPhone). The other is going to the daughter of one of my girlfriends. She's cute as a bug, and smart. Her mom can't afford a computer for her, and also doesn't want charity, so I'm giving it as a Christmas gift.
I appreciate the help in ushering me to a reasonable solution 
Yeah, I haven't been around too much lately, either.
I don't know if I mentioned this here or the other place, but you can usually pick up a remanufactured lappy from different Amazon dealers for under a C-note. Just make sure to check their ratings and reviews, and you may have to search for a while. E-Bay might also be worth checking, but Caveat Emptor, there.
https://www.amazon.com/b/ref=s9_acss_bw_h1_uscrsfhd_md2_w?node=17871138011&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=merchandised-search-2&pf_rd_r=R635617A0PWGGB7QZDWS&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=03951a67-0ccc-46ef-bd0f-2ce3d206acc5&pf_rd_i=12653393011Look for business models, as they are usually much more powerful for the price. I picked up a decent 2014 model for a really good price, but the wireless switch bit the dust after about a year. I used the switch constantly, though.
Black Friday is coming up too, but this is another one where you have to be ware. It takes some due diligence to score a really good deal, as a lot of the sales are companies unloading things that don't sell @ regular prices or other sales - usually something that's crappy or has design flaws to begin with.
From what I'm seeing, most of the refurbs under $100.00, generally come with 4GB RAM; more than enough to run almost any OS without too much lag - even with lots of browser tabs open.

That's a cool gesture though: Christmas gift.

Hey, check this out:
https://haydenjames.io/finding-linux-compatible-printers/Yeah, cups can be a PITA and connectivity depends more on the OS flavor of Linux you are using than the drivers. BUT, it looks like the newer Distros handle it much better.
https://www.linux.com/tutorials/how-manage-printers-linux/I also found a pretty good rundown for 2019 distros based on use case.
https://fossbytes.com/best-linux-distros-choosing-guide/Windoze on a flash drive, really does depend on the port speed.
USB 2 vs USB 3 - both the port and the drive - makes a hell of a speed difference.
As far as the IPhone - syncing can be done, but it DOES require WINE.

Here are a couple of tutorials if you want to give it a shot.
https://beebom.com/how-use-iphone-with-linux/https://techviral.net/access-iphone-or-any-ios-device-in-linux/What the hell am I saying ? ? ?

This is Linux - There's always more than one way to skin a cat.

Take a look here:
https://www.dedoimedo.com/computers/linux-iphone-6s-ios-11.html...and No Wine Required !

Merry Christmas.
