Jazmunda's Excellent Adventure in the USA

[wr250]

Alert. Some foreigners are reportedly walking around NYC- and even taking pictures!! Very suspicious and all are told to keep an eye out for threats.
http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2014/06/18/de-blasio-nyc-vigilant-against-any-terror-threat/

be extra vigilant if they have a larger than 32 oz soda...

[jazmunda]

Who is Duane Reade and who did he fuck to get stores on almost every corner in NYC?

Starbucks should be ashamed.

[jazmunda]

I'm currently riding the subway for the first time alone. On my previous trips I was travelling with friends and this vacation with my wife. Not that my wife could protect me if my life was at stake but at least I could use her as a human shield. Wish me luck.

Isn't it funny that the woman sitting next to me could be Unscreened Caller and we'd never know that we were just two ships passing in the night. Somehow I don't think she is a 200 lbs black woman with a tea towel wrapped around her head. The flamboyantly gay moustachioed gentleman standing across from me with the assless chaps on could be Bateman though.

[pate]

Not to be the grammar/definition Nazi, but I think chaps are by definition assless...

[onan]

Not to be the grammar/definition Nazi, but I think chaps are by definition assless...

And I have always wondered why?

[pate]

I think it messes with the visual effect or something...

[bateman]

I'm currently riding the subway for the first time alone. On my previous trips I was travelling with friends and this vacation with my wife. Not that my wife could protect me if my life was at stake but at least I could use her as a human shield. Wish me luck.

Isn't it funny that the woman sitting next to me could be Unscreened Caller and we'd never know that we were just two ships passing in the night. Somehow I don't think she is a 200 lbs black woman with a tea towel wrapped around her head. The flamboyantly gay moustachioed gentleman standing across from me with the assless chaps on could be Bateman though.

What if I'm the 200 lb black woman, and I've been trolling all of you this whole time?

[Heather Wade]

I loved driving through northern California. I'd be at a light reading a map (before smart phones and GPS) and no one honked! I felt so guilty when I realized the light changed. One day back on the Long Island Expressway and I got the bird, first thing. Being a good NYer, I returned the salute.

Yeah, up in No Cal, we don't really care about much like that.  Makes me homesick just reading your little story, Unscreened Caller.   

Also what's up with all the honking? Is road rage built into your DNA? Does this happen in every major city in the US? Is this taught when you go for your license? Do you even need a license in NYC? I mean I've honked at other drivers before but I always feel a little bit bad about it and in NYC it seems to be just as important as signaling or wearing a seat belt. The city that never sleeps? Who could sleep with all that noise?

It's different in every city & state.

When in Rome, indeed.  When I was in NY i made sure to slap the hood of a yellow cab trying to make a right turn while I was crossing the street, yelling my best, "Heeeyyyy, I'm waulkin' heeere!"     Felt so good, and the best part was not a single person raised an eyebrow.  I fit right in for that moment.  Try it Jaz!

[PB the Deplorable]

I loved driving through northern California. I'd be at a light reading a map (before smart phones and GPS) and no one honked!...

That was yew?

[jazmunda]

Yeah, up in No Cal, we don't really care about much like that.  Makes me homesick just reading your little story, Unscreened Caller.   

It's different in every city & state.

When in Rome, indeed.  When I was in NY i made sure to slap the hood of a yellow cab trying to make a right turn while I was crossing the street, yelling my best, "Heeeyyyy, I'm waulkin' heeere!"     Felt so good, and the best part was not a single person raised an eyebrow.  I fit right in for that moment.  Try it Jaz!

No thank you. I prefer not to antagonize anyone in a country with easy access to semi automatic weaponry.

[jazmunda]

Day 5:

Drunk in the City

Another day of glorious sunshine was kicked off with a leisurely jog in and around Central Park. I then met up with my wife and some friends for a bit of a stroll and of course some shopping. As mentioned shopping is not one of my favorite activities so I left my wife and her friends and went back to the park to sit under the shade of a tree and just people watch.

I had plans to meet an Aussie friend of mine who lives in New York at a cafe owned and run by another 2 Aussies called Little Collins which is named after Little Collins Street in my hometown of Melbourne. Melbourne is known for it's cafe and coffee (real coffee not the Starbucks variety) culture. This cafe brings a slice of my hometown to New York City. My recommendation for any of you Mericans who want to try out an Aussie delicacy is The Convict. A piece of toast topped with Vegemite. Delicious. Seriously though if you do go then you must get the chicken schnitzel sandwich with humus, onion and chilli. Mmmmmm.

Next up my friend and I headed to a roof top bar to watch the Aussies take on The Netherlands in the World Cup. The drinks were flowing, the atmosphere was incredible, the weather was superb and we nearly won the match. In the end we lost 3-2 but it was extremely exciting and the whole bar was rooting for the Aussies. I was like a celebrity for a few hours.

With my head hurting a little from drinking beer all afternoon (I didn't have to buy a drink all day because my new non-celebrity friends were shouting) I stumbled back to the hotel to rest up before my drinks and dinner with some old friends from Philly.

They say that the best way to get over a hangover is to just keep drinking and I'm beginning to think that a drunk person must have come up with that pearl of wisdom. I freshened up at the hotel and took two aspirin and headed out to Tao Downtown to meet up with three friends from Philly who I met in the mid 90s. I took no time to get reacquainted and I managed to somehow have three different cocktails before we even sat down for dinner. I decided to slow down a little and I switched back to beers which it turns out is just as lethal.

We finished another delicious meal which hopefully I'd be able to keep down because it would be a terrible waste to have to flush it down the toilet so soon after ingesting it. From dinner we wandered from bar to bar in the meat packing district. I lost count of the drinks and shots. Everything was going so well until one of the guys tripped on the curb and landed face down on the sidewalk. Blood was gushing from his lip and nose and well that was the end of the night. I said my goodbyes to my old friends and decided to walk the almost 30 blocks back to the hotel in order to attempt to sober up.

Now I was busting for a piss at this stage and if I was back home I would find a nice and quiet side street to do my business but this is New York and there is no such thing as nice quiet street and I also didn't want to spend the night in a cell for public urination.

I somehow made it back to the hotel although my grand plan to sober up did not pan out. The whole way back I was giggling to myself and if I wasn't so nicely groomed and dressed I could easily be mistaken for a crazy homeless guy. I lay down on the bed and the room appeared to be spinning. Thankfully I was able to sleep it off and I didn't throw up which is an added bonus. I awoke to a monster headache and I remember what it was like to be a college student. Thankfully I didn't have a class to blow off.

[Yorkshire pud]

Wasted Aussie in NY pub crawl paralytic shame..Shock.

[jazmunda]

Wasted Aussie in NY pub crawl paralytic shame AGAIN ..Shock.

Fixed.

[Yorkshire pud]

Fixed.

[bateman]

Day 5:

Drunk in the City

Another day of glorious sunshine was kicked off with a leisurely jog in and around Central Park. I then met up with my wife and some friends for a bit of a stroll and of course some shopping. As mentioned shopping is not one of my favorite activities so I left my wife and her friends and went back to the park to sit under the shade of a tree and just people watch.

I had plans to meet an Aussie friend of mine who lives in New York at a cafe owned and run by another 2 Aussies called Little Collins which is named after Little Collins Street in my hometown of Melbourne. Melbourne is known for it's cafe and coffee (real coffee not the Starbucks variety) culture. This cafe brings a slice of my hometown to New York City. My recommendation for any of you Mericans who want to try out an Aussie delicacy is The Convict. A piece of toast topped with Vegemite. Delicious. Seriously though if you do go then you must get the chicken schnitzel sandwich with humus, onion and chilli. Mmmmmm.

Next up my friend and I headed to a roof top bar to watch the Aussies take on The Netherlands in the World Cup. The drinks were flowing, the atmosphere was incredible, the weather was superb and we nearly won the match. In the end we lost 3-2 but it was extremely exciting and the whole bar was rooting for the Aussies. I was like a celebrity for a few hours.

With my head hurting a little from drinking beer all afternoon (I didn't have to buy a drink all day because my new non-celebrity friends were shouting) I stumbled back to the hotel to rest up before my drinks and dinner with some old friends from Philly.

They say that the best way to get over a hangover is to just keep drinking and I'm beginning to think that a drunk person must have come up with that pearl of wisdom. I freshened up at the hotel and took two aspirin and headed out to Tao Downtown to meet up with three friends from Philly who I met in the mid 90s. I took no time to get reacquainted and I managed to somehow have three different cocktails before we even sat down for dinner. I decided to slow down a little and I switched back to beers which it turns out is just as lethal.

We finished another delicious meal which hopefully I'd be able to keep down because it would be a terrible waste to have to flush it down the toilet so soon after ingesting it. From dinner we wandered from bar to bar in the meat packing district. I lost count of the drinks and shots. Everything was going so well until one of the guys tripped on the curb and landed face down on the sidewalk. Blood was gushing from his lip and nose and well that was the end of the night. I said my goodbyes to my old friends and decided to walk the almost 30 blocks back to the hotel in order to attempt to sober up.

Now I was busting for a piss at this stage and if I was back home I would find a nice and quiet side street to do my business but this is New York and there is no such thing as nice quiet street and I also didn't want to spend the night in a cell for public urination.

I somehow made it back to the hotel although my grand plan to sober up did not pan out. The whole way back I was giggling to myself and if I wasn't so nicely groomed and dressed I could easily be mistaken for a crazy homeless guy. I lay down on the bed and the room appeared to be spinning. Thankfully I was able to sleep it off and I didn't throw up which is an added bonus. I awoke to a monster headache and I remember what it was like to be a college student. Thankfully I didn't have a class to blow off.

If you liked Tao, you have to check out Beauty & Essex.

http://beautyandessex.com/home/

[jazmunda]

If you liked Tao, you have to check out Beauty & Essex.

http://beautyandessex.com/home/

Already done. We got out of the cab and my wife walks through the door and I say, "hon, this isn't the place. This is a pawn shop."

Awesome restaurant. Great food and great atmosphere.

[coaster]

They say that the best way to get over a hangover is to just keep drinking and I'm beginning to think that a drunk person must have come up with that pearl of wisdom.

In my experience this is always the case. Drink a bloody Mary if you have a hangover, and you'll feel fine.

[steelbot]

Sounds like a fun trip so far, Jaz, just read the updates!! You two only staying in NYC?  Or going to Chicago too?  Just kinda curious what the travelganza had in store for ya'll.

Let me know,
-Steel


>>>

First two observations. You guys drive on the wrong side of the road and your toilets swirl the wrong direction when they flush. My shit was so confused.

Don't eat any Rope, you might shit us knots!

[jazmunda]

Sounds like a fun trip so far, Jaz, just read the updates!! You two only staying in NYC?  Or going to Chicago too?  Just kinda curious what the travelganza had in store for ya'll.

Let me know,
-Steel


>>>
Don't eat any Rope, you might shit us knots!

No spoilers!

In a few days we leave for Vegas (3 days), then LA (2 days), then Hong Kong (3 days), then home to my girls.

[coaster]

Vegas and Hong Kong sounds like a blast.

[jazmunda]

Vegas and Hong Kong sounds like a blast.

Do you think it's just safe for me to assume that I can win back all my expenses if I gamble enough in Vegas? I can't lose right?

[paladin1991]

Hey Jazz,
I've been checking into this thread fm time to time.  Maybe I missed it.  Are you/have you been able to meet any of the BellGabbers? 

[Robert Ghostwolf's Ghost]

No spoilers!

In a few days we leave for Vegas (3 days), then LA (2 days), then Hong Kong (3 days), then home to my girls.

If you're thinking of getting some clothes in Hong Kong, this place is worth a visit even if you don't buy anything--https://www.facebook.com/HugoFashions.

I was there in late 1996, and it was an absolute blast.  It's just a little hole in the wall place in an arcade, but they made me some great silk dress shirts that fit me perfectly (and still do, which is hard for me to believe) at a tremendous price.  They also have a big selection of silk ties, and we got some silk windbreakers for about $10 U.S. each.  I also had a couple of snazzy silk suits made (one burgundy, one purple), but I'm a little too old to make them work any more.  However, if you're going to be there for just three days it might not be enough turnaround time for a suit.

It looks like the same father/son team from India own it, and they're an absolute blast.  They began plying us with ice cold beer as soon as we walked in and kept them coming in an attempt to lower our sales resistance.  When I ordered a half dozen shirts, they handed me another beer and asked if I'd rather have a dozen.  The place was also a constant beehive of activity, and it was amazing to listen to the owners carry on simultaneous conversations with customers, each other, and on the phone in English, Hindi, and Chinese.  Definitely a memorable trip!  Have fun! 

[coaster]

Do you think it's just safe for me to assume that I can win back all my expenses if I gamble enough in Vegas? I can't lose right?

No one loses in Vegas. I wouldn't worry about it.

[paladin1991]

Do you think it's just safe for me to assume that I can win back all my expenses if I gamble enough in Vegas? I can't lose right?

"Always, bet on black."

And on a separate note.  I bought the movie 'Australia' on DVD in the 5 buck bin at WalMart.  In honor of your visit.  I figured that I should watch it and find out what Auzzie culture is all about.  It's been 25 years since I was in jazzland.

[jazmunda]

Hey Jazz,
I've been checking into this thread fm time to time.  Maybe I missed it.  Are you/have you been able to meet any of the BellGabbers?

The first week we stayed at Unscreened Caller's house but she kicked us out after an unfortunate incident with a toilet brush. We then moved in to Bateman's place but we left after we discovered the two way mirrors in the bathroom. Also the blinking red light on the video camera set up on a tripod at the foot of the bed was very distracting.

On a serious note I would love to have met up with some BellGabbers but I like my organs where they are and my wife frowns upon me meeting strangers on the internet.

[jazmunda]

"Always, bet on black."

And on a separate note.  I bought the movie 'Australia' on DVD in the 5 buck bin at WalMart.  In honor of your visit.  I figured that I should watch it and find out what Auzzie culture is all about.  It's been 25 years since I was in jazzland.

I've never seen it but wartime outback Australia should nail today's Aussie culture.

[UnscreenedCaller]

After that we headed to a bar in the meat packing district for the first of the pre-wedding festivities which is why we are in New York in the first place. I must say that I got pretty hammered after drinking four Moscow Mules. The fourth one I ordered I incorrectly called it a Moscow Moose. Luckily my Aussie charm got a smile and a wink from from the girl behind the bar. My intoxicated ego stroked I return to my pregnant wife believing that "I still had it". Ah alcohol. You've got to love the stuff.

I didn't know you and the missus were expecting. Congratulations, you kids! Babies R Us has great baby clothes, btw.  Do not even consider the name Gabbie if she's a girl. Or Belle.

We left the bar after 1am because for some reason bars close early here. How stupid is that. At home I've stumbled out of bars or clubs in the cold light of day. Well not for a while anyways. I'm married with kids now but in my hayday ....

Bars, if I recall, have to close at 2AM. Ridiculous, isn't it? Who are they kidding? There are *wink wink* after hour places, but it's been quite a while since I fell stepped out of one.  Thank god those were the days before cellphone cameras or people wouldn't regard me as the fine upstanding citizen that I am.

I was starving at this point as I hadn't had anything to eat since my lunchtime Pastrami on Rye so we found a little 24 hour deli and guess what I ordered another Pastrami on Rye. I feel another GabCast story coming on. Stay very well tuned .....

Be wary. It's difficult finding public toilets in the city. But that could make for another story.

In gratitude for Mrs Jaz boosting our economy, I purchased a pair of Crocs for the crutches aftermath of my upcoming surgery, probs the result of falling out of after hours joints. I thought it only fair I do my bit to show appreciation to the good people of Australia for their financial aid. Thank you.

[wr250]

No spoilers!

In a few days we leave for Vegas (3 days), then LA (2 days), then Hong Kong (3 days), then home to my girls.

vegas is my neck of the woods ,sortof (im 2 hours up I-15).
so if your coming up to say zion national park , pm me.

[coaster]

You should stop by Art's place after Vegas. I am sure he would just looove to see you.