Any Good Jokes?

[McPhallus]

Coast to Coast AM with Jack Chick.

I've a feeling he and Wells aren't so far apart.

[Robert Ghostwolf's Ghost]

Jack Chick sucks

Even more than K-Mart.

[attachimg=1]

[pyewacket]

More sad than funny-

http://m.tickld.com/x/15-dumbest-patients-ever

[pyewacket]

More dumb stuff- I hope these aren't real.

http://themetapicture.com/dumb-people-on-the-internet/

[wr250]

More dumb stuff- I hope these aren't real.

http://themetapicture.com/dumb-people-on-the-internet/

more fun than DYAC

[pyewacket]

Dog named Sex
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot".
I call mine Sex.
Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me.
When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex.
He said, "I would like to have one too!"
Then I said, "But she is a dog!"
He said he didn't care what she looked like.
I said, "You don't understand.
...
I have had Sex since I was nine years old."
He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding.He told me to wait until after the wedding was over.
I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex."
He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church.
I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding.
The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace.
My family was barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me.
When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex.
He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex.
I said, "You don't understand.
...
Sex keeps me awake at night."
The clerk said, "Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest.
But before the competition began, the dog ran away.
Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around.
I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest.
He said that I should have sold my own tickets.
"You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV."
He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog.
I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married."
The Judge said, "Me too!"
Last night Sex ran off again.
I spent hours looking all over for her.
A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning.
I said, "I'm looking for Sex."
-- My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw.Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"
I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever.
I couldn't live any longer so lonely."
and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog."

[pyewacket]

We go bear hunting
Two blond hunters were driving through the country to go bear hunting.
They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read "BEAR LEFT" so they went home

[zeebo]

What does a blond say when you blow in her ear?  Thanks for the refill.

What do you call it when a blond dyes her hair brunette?  Artificial intelligence.

pyewacket started it!   :

[pyewacket]

We'll leave the blonds alone for now. Here's something new for a change of pace:


'Banned Grey Poupon Ad' Asks 'What Do You Poupon?'

[pyewacket]

Here's a blue light special for ya:


Kmart's 'Ship My Pants' Commercial [HD]

[b_dubb]

Here's a blue light special for ya:


Kmart's 'Ship My Pants' Commercial [HD]

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!!!

[Robert Ghostwolf's Ghost]

A man hired a guide to take him fishing in Alaska.  He noticed the guide had a .44 magnum with the front sight filed off on his hip.  He asked the guide if that was in case they encountered a grizzly bear.  The guide said it was, and the man then asked why he'd filed off the sight.  The guide replied, "That's so if I shoot him and he just gets pissed off, it won't hurt so much when he shoves the barrel up my ass."

[phrodo]

A high jumper walks into a bar.

"You didn't eve try", exclaimed his coach.

[Robert Ghostwolf's Ghost]

A high jumper walks into a bar.

"You didn't even try", exclaimed his coach.

[Catsmile]

A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his ass.

The doctor describes his condition as stable.

[Catsmile]

[Jackstar]

Did you hear about the recent surge in the incidence of women being battered?

Neither did I--I've always eaten them plain.

[Robert Ghostwolf's Ghost]

Did you hear about the recent surge in the incidence of women being battered?

Neither did I--I've always eaten them plain.

OMG, are you Rob Ford?

http://www.straight.com/blogra/530856/video-rob-ford-says-he-has-enough-pussy-eat-home

[bigchucka]

OMG, are you Rob Ford?

http://www.straight.com/blogra/530856/video-rob-ford-says-he-has-enough-pussy-eat-home

I respect someone who's willing to say something like that in a press conference.

[Robert Ghostwolf's Ghost]

I respect someone who's willing to say something like that in a press conference.

Hell, yes!  His wife probably not so much, though.  I'm sure she was imagining millions of people picturing him and his giant head "down there" rooting and snuffling like a pig at a trough.

[bigchucka]

Hell, yes!  His wife probably not so much, though.  I'm sure she was imagining millions of people picturing him and his giant head "down there" rooting and snuffling like a pig at a trough.

Joey "Coco" Diaz's new comedy album is titled "You Can't Eat Pussy With Asthma."

Rob Ford looks like his tongue probably gets plenty of meal time exercise... 3 or 4 times a day at least.  That could be what he meant by "I got plenty to eat at home."  He could also know the alphabet trick as well.

[Robert Ghostwolf's Ghost]

Rob Ford looks like his tongue probably gets plenty of meal time exercise. He could also know the alphabet trick as well.

"Eff I flicky fly."

[attachimg=1]

[pyewacket]

A sophisticated lady went into an expensive restaurant. Before sitting, she asked her waiter, "Do you serve crabs here, sir?"
The waiter replied, "Yes ma'am, we serve anybody in here. Please have a seat."

[Jackstar]

A postman, on his route, picked up a letter from a mailbox that was addressed to God.  The postman seeing that the letter was not sealed, and there being no postage on it, opened and read it.
    It was from a man who was down on his luck and was asking God for help.  The letter asked for $50 to get his family through the next week.
    The postman, being a Mason, took the letter to Lodge that evening, read it, and asked for donations for the unfortunate fellow.  The Masons, wanting to help, took up a collection, and received twenty five dollars from the brethren.  The Secretary placed the cash in a Lodge envelope, and gave it to the postman to deliver the following day, which he did.
    Another day passed, and the postman again found an unsealed letter in the mailbox addressed to God.  Again he opened and read the letter, which thanked God for the money, but instructed him to send it through the Knights of Columbus next time as the Masons kept half.

[Robert Ghostwolf's Ghost]

A postman, on his route, picked up a letter from a mailbox that was addressed to God.  The postman seeing that the letter was not sealed, and there being no postage on it, opened and read it.
    It was from a man who was down on his luck and was asking God for help.  The letter asked for $50 to get his family through the next week.
    The postman, being a Mason, took the letter to Lodge that evening, read it, and asked for donations for the unfortunate fellow.  The Masons, wanting to help, took up a collection, and received twenty five dollars from the brethren.  The Secretary placed the cash in a Lodge envelope, and gave it to the postman to deliver the following day, which he did.
    Another day passed, and the postman again found an unsealed letter in the mailbox addressed to God.  Again he opened and read the letter, which thanked God for the money, but instructed him to send it through the Knights of Columbus next time as the Masons kept half.

That's lodgeist.

[Jackstar]

That's lodgeist.

Well, I can't tell the fair and balanced jokes on a public forum. It's in the by-laws. Maybe I can with an IP from Ukraine.

Posted by: Robert Ghostwolf's Ghost
« on: Today at 22:17:00 »

And I'm not going to lie, that's impressive. Hai!

[pyewacket]

Pavlov is sitting at a bar, suddenly the phone rings... Pavlov gasps, "Oh Sh*t! I forgot to feed the dogs!"

[Robert Ghostwolf's Ghost]

Pavlov is sitting at a bar, suddenly the phone rings... Pavlov gasps, "Oh Sh*t! I forgot to feed the dogs!"

   

[zeebo]

Why do women always get the last word in an argument with a man?

Because anything the man says after that is the start of a new argument. 

[pyewacket]

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.