I have a copy of Jorch's shitty cookbook

[SciFiAuthor]

... Does Richard Hoagland really have a recipe in there? I'm genuinely curious to know what daily life is like at the Hoagland household. Is he married? Is he constantly yelling at her "MAUDE, IT'S ANOTHER FACE, HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THIS? MAUDE? MAUDE??" For some reason I imagine him having a bunch of ferrets too...

The truth is better than fiction. Hoagland's significant other is Robin Falcov. I envision breakfast at the Hoagland homestead to go something like this:

RCH: "I found something in the latest Curiosity images!"
RF: "Great, another fucking face."
RCH: "Not so fast! It's clearly a carburetor from a 1961 Rambler, but modified somehow."
RF: "Jesus Christ, your hair is a mess and we need to straighten this ascot if you're going to look ok in the promo photo shoot for the accutron."
RCH: "Are you listening to me? I have PROOF that AMC never stopped producing the Rambler on Mars!"
RF: "Well it better bring in the bucks in book sales. My che-strengthening herbal hemorrhoid remedy was a flop. I can see a lawsuit coming from that one a mile away."
RCH: "If they have Ramblers, surely they never banned the Corvair. I'm going to have to look through the images for broken windshield pieces."
RF: "Just eat your goddamned eggs."

[ItsOver]

RCH: "Where's the Jorch flavored butter?"

[PB the Deplorable]

The truth is better than fiction. Hoagland's significant other is Robin Falcov...

Her mental disorder is more advanced than his. 

[aldousburbank]

I'm hoping theres a recipe for Mexican Caca Del Toro Burritos with Spicy Hijack Salsa!

[guildnavigator]

No recipe for poached eggs? Too busy booking guests, I presume.

[DanTSX]

No recipe for poached eggs? Too busy booking guests, I presume.

Let me get back to you on that.  He has a few egg recipes in there.  Figure since they meet the minimum calorie count required to be included.

So far I haven't found a thing in here that I would eat .

I was hoping Mamma Snorry's falafel or tahini would be in here, but alas, no.  Simple George prefers to instruct me how to make a sandwich using all of the leftovers from thanksgiving.  Like I needed instructions on how to do that.

Not even a little baba-ghanoush

No wonder George's Lebanese restaurant failed.   People wanted kebab, they got stouffers stuffing and Swanson turkey roll with a big gulp full of BBQ-Butter.

[ItsOver]

No recipe for poached eggs? Too busy booking guests, I presume.

There should at least be Jorch's Eggs Noory, with Tommy's very special Cheetos flavored hollandaise sauce.  Belch.

[Foodlion]

Something tells me Tommy was in on this all along. George can't cook for shit unless it involves a mustache and a microwave.

[DanTSX]

There should at least be Jorch's Eggs Noory, with Tommy's very special Cheetos flavored hollandaise sauce.  Belch.

he has something in there called schmegmas or something that is pretty much that nasty the g

[DinamoDennis]

DONT LIE! You bought this!!

[ItsOver]

DanTSX did.  I didn't.  Go here:  http://bellgab.com/index.php?topic=5053.0   We've been "reviewing" it.

[PB the Deplorable]

It's not out until Nov 5.  There are probably a few ARC copies out there.

[RedMichael]

Im shocked Tommy's snack didn't involve gravy.

[DanTSX]

Im shocked Tommy's snack didn't involve gravy.

That is the beverage

[bateman]

That is the beverage

Hahahahahahaha

[SaucyRossy]

What in all that is holy do you use flavored butter for? I mean seriously. That sounds disgusting.

Unless were talking garlic bread.

[onan]

lots of restaurants have flavored butter, some are sweet, some are spiced. not bad on bread.

[SaucyRossy]

Also, I just read the introduction and it says "whether you're listening to An interview with Father Malachai Martin....."

I am sure the late Father Martin would of been just joyous to know his name was used to sell a late night snacks book with flavored butter recipes in it and a cartoon alien on the cover.

[SaucyRossy]

lots of restaurants have flavored butter, some are sweet, some are spiced. not bad on bread.

So just dip the bread in the flavored butter? I've dipped bread into olive oil and spices, or marinara, etc but never just flavored butter. Only time i ever use butter for dipping is with lobster.

[onan]

So just dip the bread in the flavored butter? I've dipped bread into olive oil and spices, or marinara, etc but never just flavored butter. Only time i ever use butter for dipping is with lobster.

usually spread it on

[SaucyRossy]

usually spread it on

Ohhhhhh I am a dumbass I kept thinking of like melted flavored butter. Yeah ok I've done that of course. You can use this on the next gab cast and make fun of me. Lol

[DanTSX]

Also, I just read the introduction and it says "whether you're listening to An interview with Father Malachai Martin....."

I am sure the late Father Martin would of been just joyous to know his name was used to sell a late night snacks book with flavored butter recipes in it and a cartoon alien on the cover.

Considering that George never interviewed him........


There is also an Uri Gellar recipe in there.  Bending Spoon Bread.  Isn't Uri banned from the show?


That is two inconsistencies that George would know about.   

Coincidence?  Oh that's right.....there are none.  Just like there are none of George's recipes in this book.

[DanTSX]

So just dip the bread in the flavored butter? I've dipped bread into olive oil and spices, or marinara, etc but never just flavored butter. Only time i ever use butter for dipping is with lobster.

Cinnamon butter dude!


But it's not something you use a recipe for.  You just kind of do it.  Kind of like making a PB&J.

[bateman]

My reaction to most of these "recipes"



Seriously, who besides Danheiser, is craving flavored butter at 2am? I'm just so confused by this.

[bateman]

Ok, Danheiser & E-Rock

http://youtu.be/LpQEWAD6dVs

[SaucyRossy]

My reaction to most of these "recipes"



Seriously, who besides Danheiser, is craving flavored butter at 2am? I'm just so confused by this.

Eating flavored butter at 2 am = a recipe for opening the diarrhea flood gates.

[bateman]

Eating flavored butter at 2 am = a recipe for opening the diarrhea flood gates.

I had a spicy chicken wrap with jalapenos, followed by a Boston cream donut, followed by a Starbucks coffee tonight. This was a miscalculation. I feel like I'm waiting for liftoff aboard the space shuttle Challenger.

[SaucyRossy]

I had a spicy chicken wrap with jalapenos, followed by a Boston cream donut, followed by a Starbucks coffee tonight. This was a miscalculation. I feel like I'm waiting for liftoff aboard the space shuttle Challenger.

Dude, coffee work like clockwork for me. Ten minutes after and it's time to take a trip to the porcelain throne.

[PB the Deplorable]

Just last night I was up late and thinking, damn, what I'd really like right now is a dish of quick to make flavored butter - there oughtta be a book...

[George Drooly]

I want my TommyBurgers and I want them now!