My Pizza Roll Experiment

[Nucky Nolan]

First, I should give the disclaimer that I have an asbestos mouth, so don't try this at home. Noory's story sounded beyond belief to me. Many of us ate hot pizza rolls when we were kids and teens. We somehow survived with no hospitalization. With that in mind, I bought a box of pizza rolls at a local store. I zapped them in my microwave. The timer buzzed, and I put all fifteen threats to mankind in a bowl. They were hot and soft to the touch. I plopped one in my mouth. I bit it, and it indeed was very hot, so I moved it back and forth in my mouth to cool it down like I did in the past. I then did this with the rest of the pizza rolls. I somehow survived, relatively unscathed. My throat and tongue felt a bit "burned". There was mild discomfort that registered a 2 on a pain scale that ranged from 1 to 10, with 1 classified as "no sensation". Either I'm a superhero, or Noory (if his story's true) buys Tender Vittles at his convenience store. My money's on the latter.

[Juan]

On this subject's original post, I conducted an experiment in which I measured the inner and outer temperature of microwaved pizza rolls.  When first removed, the rolls were rather cool on the outside and very hot on the inside. After waiting the two minutes per label instructions, the rolls were the temperature of hot tap water inside and out.  sNoory probably cooked them for five minutes and let them cool for five seconds.

[Pragmier]

There's a product recall, but fortunately the threat is benign to all but a certain radio host. Look for these clear markings -

[onan]

According to my wife, I have an asbestos mouth too. But I can tell you, when I bite into something too hot, I cannot hold it in... that stuff comes flying back out, almost instantly. I have burnt my tongue on a hot cup of soup/hot chocolate/coffee over the years but nothing that would cause the wounds noory talks about.

[ItsOver]

Jorch is a woose.  I wonder how many times as a kid he got suckered into sticking his tongue on a flagpole during the winter.  Maybe that explains his mush mouth.

[ziznak]

I've only been able to successfully burn my togue, lips, and a small part of the roof of my mouth.  It's rare when it happens but when it does I normally don't notice it due to some sort of intoxication... the next time I eat is normally when I find out I've burned myself.  For Jorchie to just pop something into his mouth so quickly after a nuking is crazy... who the fuck does that?  Even shit I cook conventionally isn't thrown into my mouth in such a way.... anything I eat that's hot doesnt just go "all in."  It has to be felt out first... I thought this was the way of the world.  Ya know?  It's one of those things we learn as children... a mistake that no adult should make.




oh and as an aside... Nucky!!! where the fuck have you been?

[mombird3]

Anything thatI have eaten that was too hot I automatically spit out. It is a reflex action that I do.  But since the pizza roll story I am more aware of burning myself. George had to have been out of it, to have let it burn his mouth. Unless he was drunk or something it could not happen, and I do not believe the story.

[Evil Twin Of Zen]

it all makes me question Gs time in the Navy. a chief petty officer can drink hot coffee straight from a coffee urn.

[Nucky Nolan]

On this subject's original post, I conducted an experiment in which I measured the inner and outer temperature of microwaved pizza rolls.  When first removed, the rolls were rather cool on the outside and very hot on the inside. After waiting the two minutes per label instructions, the rolls were the temperature of hot tap water inside and out.  sNoory probably cooked them for five minutes and let them cool for five seconds.

My pizza rolls were hot on both the inside and the outside after I zapped them. For the sake of "science", I quickly plopped one in my mouth and chewed it. I wondered how Noory could have hurt his mouth so much after he simply bit into one. I ate many very hot pizza rolls throughout my life.

[Nucky Nolan]

There's a product recall, but fortunately the threat is benign to all but a certain radio host. Look for these clear markings -

Maybe he ate some off-brand pizza rolls that aren't available in all states. Is it possible that he bought some generic ones that are more "dangerous" than regular ones? 

[Nucky Nolan]

According to my wife, I have an asbestos mouth too. But I can tell you, when I bite into something too hot, I cannot hold it in... that stuff comes flying back out, almost instantly. I have burnt my tongue on a hot cup of soup/hot chocolate/coffee over the years but nothing that would cause the wounds noory talks about.

Hot coffee indeed can burn your mouth in a way that Noory's pizza rolls allegedly burned his throat and tongue. Like you, most of us quickly spit out boiling liquids just as soon as they make contact with our mouths. His story would have been more credible if he would have claimed that some infernal hot chocolate burned him. I would have spent many hours in emergency rooms if hot pizza rolls were in the same category as boiling soup.

[Nucky Nolan]

Jorch is a woose.  I wonder how many times as a kid he got suckered into sticking his tongue on a flagpole during the winter.  Maybe that explains his mush mouth.

We would have heard about it by now. In his version, they would have amputated his tongue after he suffered frostbite. He would have seen *real* snow angels during his out-of-body experience. Then, his mom would have pelted the bullies with snowballs and ice chunks.

[Nucky Nolan]

I've only been able to successfully burn my togue, lips, and a small part of the roof of my mouth.  It's rare when it happens but when it does I normally don't notice it due to some sort of intoxication... the next time I eat is normally when I find out I've burned myself.  For Jorchie to just pop something into his mouth so quickly after a nuking is crazy... who the fuck does that?  Even shit I cook conventionally isn't thrown into my mouth in such a way.... anything I eat that's hot doesnt just go "all in."  It has to be felt out first... I thought this was the way of the world.  Ya know?  It's one of those things we learn as children... a mistake that no adult should make.




oh and as an aside... Nucky!!! where the fuck have you been?

I did that plenty of times during my misspent youth. I lived to tell the tale with an intact tongue and unscarred throat. Pizza rolls were too small to cause much damage. It's a good thing that they were. I always bought the ones with pepperoni and sausage. The sauce was next to nothing. I never heard about anybody else who got seriously burned by such a tiny substance. BTW, I've been hospitalized since my unfortunate egg roll experiment.

[Nucky Nolan]

Anything thatI have eaten that was too hot I automatically spit out. It is a reflex action that I do.  But since the pizza roll story I am more aware of burning myself. George had to have been out of it, to have let it burn his mouth. Unless he was drunk or something it could not happen, and I do not believe the story.

Maybe it was a real pizza roll, not the Jeno's kind with which we're all familiar. It's doubtful that such a tiny snack could injure such a huge region. I ate fifteen very hot pizza rolls in a row right after I removed them from the oven. It could be that Noory cooked his hotter or longer, but his story was the first one of its kind that I ever heard.

[Nucky Nolan]

it all makes me question Gs time in the Navy. a chief petty officer can drink hot coffee straight from a coffee urn.

We can rule out SEAL training. That's for sure.

[Juan]

it all makes me question Gs time in the Navy. a chief petty officer can drink hot coffee straight from a coffee urn.

Therein lies the trouble.  George was a reserve officer.  If he had ever been a CPO (or other enlisted man) he would be tougher.  As they say, "I'm no officer, I work for a living."  Switch that around for Georgie.

[Falkie2013]

Therein lies the trouble.  George was a reserve officer.  If he had ever been a CPO (or other enlisted man) he would be tougher.  As they say, "I'm no officer, I work for a living."  Switch that around for Georgie.

My second oldest friend was in the Navy and he drinks his coffee red hot in a Navy drinking stein. It's Folgers and hot and strong enough to melt paint.


Do we have and proof that Snoory served in OUR Navy ? All we have is his word for it. And in talking to my friend, one does get sea duty periodiclally. If Snoory was as incompetent in the Navy as he is on Coast someone would have thrown him overboard, though the dolphins and sharks probably would have thrown him back. I don't know if officers share quarters on ship, but can you imagine being Snoory's roomie on a deployment ? Ewwww.

[guildnavigator]

Ziznak, that avatar is funny. Thanks.

[Unbuhliebahble!!!]

Noory was prolly wasted and nuked them too long thus bringing a little believability to the story

[b_dubb]

how about a microwave / gun hybrid device that heats pizza rolls to hellish temperatures before firing them at unbelievably shitty radio show hosts?  do we have an engineer?

[onan]

how about a microwave / gun hybrid device that heats pizza rolls to hellish temperatures before firing them at unbelievably shitty radio show hosts?  do we have an engineer?

You have an investor.

[SR-71]

Pizza rolls are good but I think that noory needs to do some prep before cooking them. Maybe 10 to 12 hour prep time on how to cook them. Noory could let a kid cook them in a microwave because we all know kids are the "experts" on hi-tech items.

[Cynnie]

How many 80 year old men eat pizza rolls ?

[b_dubb]

the guy that created the pizza roll sold them to some food conglomerate for something like $200 million in 1985.  that was back when the dollar still had some buying power.  holy god.  $200 million for pizza rolls?

[Falkie2013]

the guy that created the pizza roll sold them to some food conglomerate for something like $200 million in 1985.  that was back when the dollar still had some buying power.  holy god.  $200 million for pizza rolls?

Jeno F. Paulucci (July 5, 1918 â€" November 24, 2011) was an American businessman and entrepreneur. Paulucci started over 70 companies; among the most well-known ventures included his frozen food company, Bellisio Foods, and food products such as Pizza Rolls and the Chun King line of Chinese food.

During the 1940s, Paulucci developed the Chun King line of canned Chinese food products. By 1962, Chun King was bringing in $30 million in annual revenue and accounted for half of all U.S. sales of prepared Chinese food. Chun King was sold to Reynolds Metals Company, a division of the R. J. Reynolds tobacco company, in 1966 for $63 million. In 1985, Paulucci sold his Jeno's Pizza Rolls brand to the Pillsbury Corporation for $135 million. He later regretted selling the pizza rolls, saying, “I should’ve kept the pizza roll. It’s something that’ll damn near live forever.”  In the early 1990s, Paulucci returned to northeast Minnesota to launch Luigino's, Inc., a frozen food company specializing in Italian food such as pasta marketed under the Michelina's brand named after Paulucci's mother.

I've eaten Totino's pizza rolls but really don't care for them and if you find one on sale already frozen you can buy a whole deluxe pizza for not much more than the pizza roll price. I'd never tried the original Gino's and didn't know they had changed the name until now. If I crave something pizza like, I'd try bagel bites or make myself a pizza bagel which I did for years.

I always liked this commercial though.

Jeno's Pizza Rolls Commerical

From the genius Stan Freberg.

And a later one, note the astronaut and Santa popping them into their mouths and NOT burning themselves.

Maybe Snoory tried to cook them while still in the box and tried to eat them out of the box like you'd eat Cracker Jack ?


1984 Gino's Pizza Rolls Commercial

[gringomisio]

Let me tell you the real story. GN was abducted by aliens and lost roughly 10 minutes.  The aliens added 8 minutes to the microwave in an attempt to burn his throat and mouth in order to get him off air. It almost worked.

To this date we don't know what the aliens did during his abduction but I'd bet Whitley does.

[Falkie2013]

Let me tell you the real story. GN was abducted by aliens and lost roughly 10 minutes.  The aliens added 8 minutes to the microwave in an attempt to burn his throat and mouth in order to get him off air. It almost worked.

To this date we don't know what the aliens did during his abduction but I'd bet Whitley does.

During that time Snoory probed the aliens because he was looking for uh port-al.
Or angels.

[Falkie2013]

Maybe it was a real pizza roll, not the Jeno's kind with which we're all familiar. It's doubtful that such a tiny snack could injure such a huge region. I ate fifteen very hot pizza rolls in a row right after I removed them from the oven. It could be that Noory cooked his hotter or longer, but his story was the first one of its kind that I ever heard.

It may depend on the condition of the inside of the microwave. Earlier in the week I put something in a tv dinner tray and suddenly the fire alarms went off. The plastic tv dinner dish caught fire. I had to douse the dish in the sink and thoroughly clean out the glass tray in the microwave because it had spills on it that had hardened.
I've been so busy trying to clean up the living room after being sick 3x that I have neglected the kitchen except for feeding the cat and washing dishes.
So if that happened to me, maybe Snoory's microwave set fire to the pizza roll and he didn't look at it and popped it into his mouth.