What Kind of Kisser Do You Think the Hosts Are?

[Gassy Man]

A while ago, I posited what the hosts might smell like.  Now, after having to endure countless holiday commercials for jewelry and schmaltzy TV movies celebrating cheesy romance that have put me in mind to the concept, I submit to you this timely, if disgusting, topic.

This is not about sexuality -- I'm not interested in who or what they might kiss.  I would also avoid pat answers like "ass" in the case of Noory.  But given each host's personality and demeanor, what do you think would be their technique?

George:  Wet, sloppy -- kind of mashes his lips against the lower part of the recipient's face.  Hits himself with a blast of Binaca right before the deed to cancel out the stench of coffee, cigarettes, and Taco Bell.  Occasionally uses some tongue, but it's mostly to mark the territory around the mouth.  Makes gurgling noises.  Kisses about 30 seconds longer than he should, requiring the victim to time breathing to coincide with the alternating suction.

Ian:  Never has, never will.

George Knapp:  Smooth, suave -- Errol Flynn style.  Strategically employs the beard in what he likes to call the "Knapp trap."

John B. Wells:  Violent thrusts and releases through the gimp mask.  Frequently bites.  Likes to whistle the theme to "Psycho" through the corner of his mouth while doing it.  Whispers sweet nothings interspersed with a manifesto when they're conscious.  Licks the teeth unless that costs extra.

For fun, Richard C. Hoagland: Ask Noory! (Sorry, I know what I said earlier, but this is the obvious answer.)

[RedMichael]

George is probably like kissing a wet patch of crab grass with the faint aroma of paint thinner. Welcome to the nightmare zone.

[ziznak]

Dear lord... this IS almost as bad if not worse than the "what do you think the hosts smell" like thread!  and yet I couldn't help but click it... scary.

speaking of thrusts... it is rumored amongst the many members of Hoaglands poon zoo harem that he has developed his own tantric sexual technique known as the "Torsion Thrust."  Drives the bitches crazy.

[McPhallus]

Gayest. Topic. Ever.

[ItsOver]

.....Now, after having to endure countless holiday commercials for jewelry ...........

Gag...... what is this, payback for those who enjoy watching football on the tube this time of the year???  One, after another, after another.   I'd rather watch commercials for Carnivora and Noory's "TV show."

As for thread's topic, don't really care.  Noory could be sharing spit with mules for all I care.

[Eddie Coyle]

Gayest. Topic. Ever.

Absolutely, and there's not even a runner-up.

[MV/Liberace!]

this thread makes me feel as if i've just been ass raped by an HIV positive tranny.

[ChewMouse]

I'm trying to understand why a bunch of guys are responding to this thread...and why one even started it! I mean, it's fine with me, carry on and all that, but is this the kind of thing you boys discuss when you go to sports bars for a few beers and some casual chat?

[LacyWoodrow]

Something tells me we will never find out. I've never seen John Wells, but I don't know many ladys who would kiss Georgy.

[Nucky Nolan]

sharing spit with mules

Maybe Noory has photos of a Clear Channel executive doing just that. It sure would explain a lot.

[UnscreenedCaller]

The first thing that came to mind was flecks of hummus stuck in Noory's mustache, and seeing that come closer and closer.  Gah!

Thanks a lot, Gassy Man.

[RedMichael]

Lotta homophobia going around, especially considering the obvious humorous topic.

[Nucky Nolan]

homophobia

What's your own definition of that word? It's used a lot, and it would be helpful to learn how it applies here. I cringe when I see two men kiss each other. Is that homophobia or a natural reaction, in your opinion? The two men have the right to buss, and I wouldn't want the State to impede or intrude in any conceivable manner. I also don't judge the totality of a person based on who they choose to kiss. However, I'm grossed out by the sight of two men engaging in romantic/sexual behavior. Does that make me a homophobe, in your opinion (I ask this in a respectful way)?

[Eddie Coyle]

 
         There's quite a bit of zoophiliaphobia going around here as well.

         Stop the hate!

[RedMichael]

What's your own definition of that word? It's used a lot, and it would be helpful to learn how it applies here. I cringe when I see two men kiss each other. Is that homophobia or a natural reaction, in your opinion? The two men have the right to buss, and I wouldn't want the State to impede or intrude in any conceivable manner. I also don't judge the totality of a person based on who they choose to kiss. However, I'm grossed out by the sight of two men engaging in romantic/sexual behavior. Does that make me a homophobe, in your opinion (I ask this in a respectful way)?

I will stick to the context of this post. If it is so strong that you have to lay down your hetro cred, state that you are not gay, point out that something is gay when it is redundant, WHILE on an anonymous internet message board that does anything but take itself seriously...then maybe it is homophobia and getting in the way. Not the person that is homophobic's way, anyone else that might enjoy the ridiculousness of the concept of this post.

Honestly, I would get uncomfortable seeing two people make out in public REGARDLESS of their sexual orientation pending extreme exceptions. A pet peeve is the phrase "As long as they don't tell me what goes on in the bedroom". What kind of person would ever tell anyone, outside of close friends (but still), anything that goes on in the bedroom? I'm sure they'd be more offended someone would think they would ever share such things. Back to the subject though.

So no, I would not find you homophobic because that specifically made you uncomfortable unless you had to point out that it does or why it made you uncomfortable repeatedly. To the point where your feelings on the matter is the first thing that would pop into the head of anyone every time they saw you. Where it defined you in other people's eyes. It really doesn't take much, for better or worse.

No one can control what makes them uncomfortable. We can control behavior that makes other people uncomfortable. If two people of any orientation or gender are making out in a very public manner, it just makes them look bad, I don't need to acknowledge it or point it out.

Thanks for stumbling through this post. Life is one big grey area, sometimes it doesn't work out in one's favor but I think its for the best.

[b_dubb]

this thread is /facepalm

[Sardondi]

I will stick to the context of this post. If it is so strong that you have to lay down your hetro cred, state that you are not gay, point out that something is gay when it is redundant, WHILE on an anonymous internet message board that does anything but take itself seriously...then maybe it is homophobia and getting in the way. Not the person that is homophobic's way, anyone else that might enjoy the ridiculousness of the concept of this post.

Honestly, I would get uncomfortable seeing two people make out in public REGARDLESS of their sexual orientation pending extreme exceptions. A pet peeve is the phrase "As long as they don't tell me what goes on in the bedroom". What kind of person would ever tell anyone, outside of close friends (but still), anything that goes on in the bedroom? I'm sure they'd be more offended someone would think they would ever share such things. Back to the subject though.

So no, I would not find you homophobic because that specifically made you uncomfortable unless you had to point out that it does or why it made you uncomfortable repeatedly. To the point where your feelings on the matter is the first thing that would pop into the head of anyone every time they saw you. Where it defined you in other people's eyes. It really doesn't take much, for better or worse.

No one can control what makes them uncomfortable. We can control behavior that makes other people uncomfortable. If two people of any orientation or gender are making out in a very public manner, it just makes them look bad, I don't need to acknowledge it or point it out.

Thanks for stumbling through this post. Life is one big grey area, sometimes it doesn't work out in one's favor but I think its for the best.

[Nucky Nolan]

I will stick to the context of this post. If it is so strong that you have to lay down your hetro cred, state that you are not gay, point out that something is gay when it is redundant, WHILE on an anonymous internet message board that does anything but take itself seriously...then maybe it is homophobia and getting in the way. Not the person that is homophobic's way, anyone else that might enjoy the ridiculousness of the concept of this post.

Honestly, I would get uncomfortable seeing two people make out in public REGARDLESS of their sexual orientation pending extreme exceptions. A pet peeve is the phrase "As long as they don't tell me what goes on in the bedroom". What kind of person would ever tell anyone, outside of close friends (but still), anything that goes on in the bedroom? I'm sure they'd be more offended someone would think they would ever share such things. Back to the subject though.

So no, I would not find you homophobic because that specifically made you uncomfortable unless you had to point out that it does or why it made you uncomfortable repeatedly. To the point where your feelings on the matter is the first thing that would pop into the head of anyone every time they saw you. Where it defined you in other people's eyes. It really doesn't take much, for better or worse.

No one can control what makes them uncomfortable. We can control behavior that makes other people uncomfortable. If two people of any orientation or gender are making out in a very public manner, it just makes them look bad, I don't need to acknowledge it or point it out.

Thanks for stumbling through this post. Life is one big grey area, sometimes it doesn't work out in one's favor but I think its for the best.

Thanks for your reply. I appreciate your direct and straight (no pun) answer to my question. "Homophobic" has turned into a cliche that's used way too much as some kind of default reply, which may not be appropriate to the situation at hand. It's refreshing to hear somebody pin down exactly what they mean when they use the descriptor.

[ziznak]

goddamn faggots

[Juan]

Suppose Barbara Simpson were still a host.

[Harmness]

Suppose Barbara Simpson were still a host.

I'm not sure that helps.

[popple]

jorch has hot scorching lips like molten liquid cheesy lava

[jeffy]

''kind of kisser" - George:   ass kisser!

[Nucky Nolan]

''kind of kisser" - George:   ass kisser!

Some of his guests were worse. They kissed more asses than Francis the Talking Mule.

[DAE]

Hey, if you need it... I don't mind volunteering to see how Barbara kisses.  I haven't helped out our gang anyway so it's about time I pitch in.

[Nucky Nolan]

Hey, if you need it... I don't mind volunteering to see how Barbara kisses.  I haven't helped out our gang anyway so it's about time I pitch in.

Hypocrite that I am, I'm not disgusted by girl-on-girl stuff. This thread just got more interesting. :

[DAE]

[Sardondi]

Okay, you got me, DAE! IMO it works so much better because you're drawn first to the exaggerated mustache and the man kissing the hand, and don't immediately notice George...

[coaster]

I feel gay for even opening this topic. wtf

[Percy Dovetonsils]

When Jorch Snory opens his mouth, it reminds me of napalm in the morning!