Art Bell

[paladin1991]

Art, what fortuitous timing for you!  I just spotted this article in the Orange County Register today.

Now you can combine your interest in having a closer look at the life of Jesus, with a new hobby we can call WWJD (What Would Jesus Drink?).  That should make the time go faster for you, which might also stimulate some new thoughts  for you about the true nature of time travel.  Please report back with the results of your studies.

What the hell?  I thought somebody was reading my paper, putting it back together and then just tossing it back in the driveway

[ks3484]

                                                     ♦♦♦♦►►►18 Actual Questions and Answers From Attorneys and Witnesses - Hilarious!◄◄◄♦♦♦♦

                                                                                 CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
•1)____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
•2)____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No , I just lie there.
•3)____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget...
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
•4)___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do..
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.
•5.)____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
•6)____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.
•7)___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
•8)_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
•9)____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None..
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
•10)____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
•11)____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
•12)_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
•13)______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
•14)_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
•15)_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.
•16)____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
•17)______________________________________

And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

•18)____________________________________________


More At: Strange_Cosmos.com

[Nick el Ass]

The label for this group is as fitting as ever, it's just that you all discovered that I fit in well, it does not say so much about you all as it does me.

Remember I never said I was or even tried to project a nice guy image. Hell for Years I flew the Jolly Roger on my Flag Pole.

Art

Arrr, matey... and we all look forward to sailing the seas deserts with you whenever the ship gets up and running.

Goonies - HEY YOU GUYS! HD

[MV/Liberace!]

KNYE??

interesting 

art has used the knye@knye.com email address for a long time and continues to do so.

[MV/Liberace!]

good news, everybody...

the process of moving bellgab to a much faster server is going to begin within the next 24-48 hours.  if you browse to the forum and find it in "maintenance mode" you'll know why.  once it enters maintenance mode, it could take anywhere between 1 and 72 hours for your access to the forum to be restored.  it all depends on how quickly your DNS is updated. 

you can prepare in advance by using openDNS which will shorten this downtime for you.  it has the added bonus of giving you a generally faser browsing experience across the web.  openDNS is extremely easy to set up. 

instructions are here:
https://use.opendns.com/

[Humilia Lepus Foramen]

Wonder if aol & mindspring e-mails still work

[MV/Liberace!]

Wonder if aol & mindspring e-mails still work

i think so.

[morgana213]

good news, everybody...

the process of moving bellgab to a much faster server is going to begin within the next 24-48 hours.  if you browse to the forum and find it in "maintenance mode" you'll know why.  once it enters maintenance mode, it could take anywhere between 1 and 72 hours for your access to the forum to be restored.  it all depends on how quickly your DNS is updated. 

you can prepare in advance by using openDNS which will shorten this downtime for you.  it has the added bonus of giving you a generally faser browsing experience across the web.  openDNS is extremely easy to set up. 

instructions are here:
https://use.opendns.com/

Thanks MV! 

[MV/Liberace!]

  Thanks MV!

i can't wait to have it all set up.

[morgana213]

i can't wait to have it all set up.

I used to be a server admin.  It's a lot of work.  Here's to hoping it all goes well!

[nooryisawesome]

good news, everybody...

the process of moving bellgab to a much faster server is going to begin within the next 24-48 hours.  if you browse to the forum and find it in "maintenance mode" you'll know why.  once it enters maintenance mode, it could take anywhere between 1 and 72 hours for your access to the forum to be restored.  it all depends on how quickly your DNS is updated. 

you can prepare in advance by using openDNS which will shorten this downtime for you.  it has the added bonus of giving you a generally faser browsing experience across the web.  openDNS is extremely easy to set up. 

instructions are here:
https://use.opendns.com/

Just so long as we are not using falkies forum.

[Nick el Ass]

Just so long as we are not using falkies forum.

I'm not donating to keep that thing running, hehe.

[laserjock]

Catch y'all on the flipper sider.  Hope Redbeard and Cook leave us alone (and the Davebots too).

[Lunger]

Interesting article about the 'Pahrump Hills' on Mars.

http://news.discovery.com/space/curiosity-is-has-found-a-mars-mineral-jackpot-150402.htm

HiRes Photos:

http://www.jpl.nasa.gov/spaceimages/details.php?id=pia19161

Puts me in mind of Hoagland's 'cities' on Mars.

[wr250]

good news, everybody...

the process of moving bellgab to a much faster server is going to begin within the next 24-48 hours.  if you browse to the forum and find it in "maintenance mode" you'll know why.  once it enters maintenance mode, it could take anywhere between 1 and 72 hours for your access to the forum to be restored.  it all depends on how quickly your DNS is updated. 

you can prepare in advance by using openDNS which will shorten this downtime for you.  it has the added bonus of giving you a generally faser browsing experience across the web.  openDNS is extremely easy to set up. 

instructions are here:
https://use.opendns.com/

i run my own dns. its forwarders are opendns and googles dns though.

[WhiteCrow]

i can't wait to have it all set up.

Hope all goes well. Your efforts are very much appreciated.

[nextgen.fm]

i can't wait to have it all set up.

Thanks captain!

[nextgen.fm]

Just so long as we are not using falkies forum.

wait....what? 

[Dateline]

Right best prepare for the expected influx of new Falkie fans.

[dan7800]

Thanks for all your work MV.

[ge30542]

It's the end of the week. We all know what that means. Mr. Bell said the contract will "be here by the end of the week".
Let's hope it meets with Mr. Bell's approval, and then start the countdown!

[rzr1911]

I think the contract will have to be revised.
Might take another week or so.
I would be surprised if the lawyers didn't write something fishy into the contract again.
DAMN LAWYERS.
It would make a writing contracts super easy if they would use something like a Concurrent Versions System (CVS) and give both parties access to change the contract... but then they would probably make a lot less money and waste a lot less time of everybody.

[coaster]

Let's hope it meets with Mr. Bell's approval, and then start the countdown!

100% this. I am so ready for some Art Bell.

[nika01]

I want to hear Art too, but a pizza is more available right now

[laserjock]

When his first show airs we need a gameday party replete with finger foods and brewskies...

[DesertFox]

It's the end of the week. We all know what that means. Mr. Bell said the contract will "be here by the end of the week".
Let's hope it meets with Mr. Bell's approval, and then start the countdown!

Well Art said it could take longer, that it was going slow.  So we all need patience for a while.  We've waited a long time already, so some more time is no big deal. 

[FortRock]

FROM THE SCORPION ARMY, AN URGENT NEWS BULLETIN:

GEORGE TURMERIC NOORY, AND HIS CRONIES ARE BEHIND THE SLOW DOWN OF GETTING THE CONTRACT
TO ART BELL! SEND GEORGE A COMPLAINT EMAIL TO OLDMOUSTACHFACE@NIACINEADDICTSANONOYMOUS.ORG

IN THE MEANTIME, HERE'S THE SCORPION ARMY'S VIEW OF LAWYERS!

[fromwomewhere outthere]

FROM THE SCORPION ARMY, AN URGENT NEWS BULLETIN:

GEORGE TURMERIC NOORY, AND HIS CRONIES ARE BEHIND THE SLOW DOWN OF GETTING THE CONTRACT
TO ART BELL! SEND GEORGE A COMPLAINT EMAIL TO OLDMOUSTACHFACE@NIACINEADDICTSANONOYMOUS.ORG

IN THE MEANTIME, HERE'S THE SCORPION ARMY'S VIEW OF LAWYERS!

FR, not the case. What's slowing down the contract process is the unending greed of corporate America. They will negotiate right down to the bitter end.

Be cool FR.

[nika01]

So, is everybody on spring break or what? Its slowed to a crawl here

[Art Bell]

MV, good luck with the move, I hope it's faster then the Contract we have been awaiting.

Art