George Noory Sucks! - The Definitive Compendium

[aldousburbank]

There are no coincidences (dee-dee-dee-dee, dee-dee-dee-dee Twilight Zone theme).  I am a ghostwriter, it is my favorite thing and now that I have aged out of having to write for lawyers, this is what I'm doing.  Email me anagrammy@gmail.com and we'll talk.

Not so woo woo Anagrammy.  Your writing skills are evident and so you must spend some considerable time practicing.  Elementary really.  I have dabbled in publishing and editing sufficient for my own satisfaction, but there are a few writing projects for which some associates cast blame toward me for not getting my butt in gear to complete.  The fact is that sometimes I feel far too close to the subject matter and am more comfortable functioning as informant, co-editor, and cheerleader rather than author.  Also, it may not be apparent from my repeated postings here, but I am naturally a shy creature when it comes to the approximately personal.  My online verbosity is mostly triggered by anonymity and caffeine.  But I appreciate the heads up and shall most likely email you at some point for further raconteur-ing.

[tmock00]

Speaking of which, does anyone remember the time he had a guest on and somehow they were talking about something written in "sans serif" and the idiot said something like "That is because they were written in" sand or sandstone or something like that. I don't remember the exact quote.

The quote was:

George Noory: "Are they called sand scripts because they were written on tablets of sand?”

This was when Noory was interviewing archeologist Michael Cremo.  They were discussing the Sanskrit language.

I can't believe this twit hasn't been fired.

[robey1129]

Thank you Tmock...either you have a fantastic recall or you do fast research. Now I remember it, and you are right to the letter! I think that one is my favorite dickweed comment....and I sure have a lot to pick from.

[valdez]

     During his interview with Richard Rives on Noah's Ark, George wondered if perhaps, instead of filling that boat with all those smelly animals, Noah might have just taken their DNA samples.  Interesting.  So God gives Noah detailed instructions on how to build a friggin' boat, but mentions nothing about the Animal DNA Extractor/Converter Contraption?  And how do you screw up a segment on serial killers?  By having a guest (Tom Philbin) that forgets his train of thought, and George asking things like "do they have feelings?", "do they have jobs?"  Whatever.
     During one of his endorsements, George warned that the US dollar will become the least valued currency in the world.  Really?  Worst that the Vietnamese Dong?  The Sri Lankan Rupee?  The Hatian rock?  C'mon, George.  Cut the crap.
 
 

In 2009 one hundred billion Zimbabwean dollars

got you all of three eggs.  Then they decided to scrap

the whole "currency thing" and just shoot each other.

[Lunger]

Does anyone remember when George was "Interviewing" Zahi Hawass and he didn't know the difference between Giza and Gaza?

The man is just a buffoon.  He is by far the most un-professional broadcaster in the country today.

[Marc.Knight]

Does anyone remember when George was "Interviewing" Zahi Hawass and he didn't know the difference between Giza and Gaza?

The man is just a buffoon.  He is by far the most un-professional broadcaster in the country today.

Yes.  I was listening in dismay as the Nooron had to be corrected more than once. 


... I am sure you have also noted his ineptness with geography in general.  Interestingly, his comprehension of space is no better.  I have lost count how many times he has referred to the "Galaxy" as the "Universe" - and of course, his contention that the Solar System is the Universe, with "billions of planets".

[aldousburbank]

Shy to begin a new thread here, (I've already started Haikus for George and Cancellation Letters threads), but I'm really enjoying the group radio rage which wafts from this forum like the sweet aroma of a Lorax barbecue (the other white meat) on a sunny summer day.  Therefore as a creative outlet for my assaholic propensity, I am thinking about a "Letters I Wish Somebody Would Read Aloud To George" genre of inspired literature.  I'm thinking of writing one a day so that I can get on with my life whilst still satisfying my (mostly unwelcome by me) desire to bitch slap George for fucking up my show, followed by forcing Tommy to gorge on eFoods until he cries uncle, assdinks.  But I digress.

I'm thinking something along the lines of this:

Dear George,

Love the show baby!  I admire you and I learn so much and somehow, you just keep picking up velocity with the big bangs of quality and fun G dude!  Keep up the great work!  You're like a drug baby, like a drug!  And I don't think I've ever heard a more intelligent person on the air, excepting myself of course.  Roll it baby!

Love,

Charlie Sheen

PS. Let's get together again for sushi and hookers ok?  That was fuuuuuunnnnn!!!!!

-or-

To Whom It Should Concern:

Hello.  I hope you are fine.  Your show sucks.  A lot.  I don't like it.  Much.

Bowser
NYC

What do you think, new thread, keep it here, or should I just try changing medications?  BTW, I don't really barbecue Lorax as I'm a Level 4 Vegan, I don't eat anything that casts a shadow. (Nice Lisa Simpson ding right?)

[b_dubb]

Does anyone remember when George was "Interviewing" Zahi Hawass and he didn't know the difference between Giza and Gaza?

i feel a new thread coming on ... George-ograph.  it's about geographical locations that have been confused (by George of course) because they sound similar or whatever.  because there are no coincidences.  even if it's a complete coincidence

[haloedorchid]

i feel a new thread coming on ... George-ograph.  it's about geographical locations that have been confused (by George of course) because they sound similar or whatever.  because there are no coincidences.  even if it's a complete coincidence

It's synchronicity. Duh.

[anagrammy]

Michael VD (heh heh)

It's clear that the troops want you to divide up the Compendium.  It's been a great ride and it's not over yet, but 'tis true that the Nooryisms separate themselves into categories:  geography, history, pronunciation, hostgarble and the largest of all S T O O P I D I T Y.

We leave it in your capable, gaffawing hands.

Anagrammy

PS.  "George Noory --The Host With The Least"

[tmock00]

Thank you Tmock...either you have a fantastic recall or you do fast research. Now I remember it, and you are right to the letter! I think that one is my favorite dickweed comment....and I sure have a lot to pick from.

You're welcome!  I'm a librarian and a writer - research is part of my charm. 

[valdez]

It's clear that the troops want you to divide up the Compendium...

"The compendium surrounds, flows through, and becomes all things.

Finite without boundaries, ongoing yet returning.

Ye shall, from time to time, through visions, dreams, and serpents,

be compelled to divide it like fowl at the feast.

Be still.  Resist.  And it shall pass.

The compendium must flow."

-Somebody said that on an old episode of Star Trek,

or one of the Star Wars movies, or Dune, or on A&E's

Hoarders, or The Love Boat, or maybe it was...

   George finally tackles the mysterious Harold Camping and his "the end of the world is on May 21st" phenomenon with Family Radio representative Chris McCann.  He wasn't budging.  George ask him to come on the show if the world doesn't end, but McCann wouldn't even entertain the possibility.  Good for him.  Later George introduced Webster Tarpley as a "9-11 truther scholar", and I'm thinking, shit, not another loony tune, but he didn't really spent too much time on that, and instead talked mostly of world affairs, attacking not only the usual suspects Bush/Cheney neo-con cabal, but also laid into Obama and the far left.  According to him all the turmoil in the mid east is brought to you by the C.I.A., and Julian Assange was raised in a cult his parents were members of, and he spoke highly of Vladmire Putin and Chavez.  He was all over the place, but interesting and coherent.  George pulls a decent one straight out of his butt.
     

or something Greta Garbo said, or... 

[MV/Liberace!]

I must be seein' things.,,,sorry!

At least I don't REMEMBER saying anything.

Sent from my Droid X.

[JustOneFix]

Was anyone listening to Monday night's show towards the end when the woman who just had ovarian surgery called in about the intruder?

Snoory got VERY uncomfortable- here's how it went down best I can remember it. It's not word for word but it's close.

Caller- and he sat down on the couch and masterbated.
Snoory-long quiet pause, then he says in a shaky voice- Ummmm, you need to get to the point of the story
(a few unrelevant sentences)
Snoory- you need to get to the end of your story.
Caller- he pinned me down on the floor and I could tell he had an erection
Snoory- That's it we have to let you go, you're never going to tell us what happened. It almost seems like she was writing it as she went along"

The way Snoory responded to that caller was ''bazaar". It seemed as if it struck a nerve with him- his vocal tone changed, he no longer talked over the caller, it was quite odd.

[haloedorchid]

I remember a few years ago a woman called in and was talking about a sexual fantasy (it may have even been about George. Barf.) and he became increasingly flustered as she talked about getting naked, etc. He disconnected her also. He said something about Coast to Coast being a "family show". Please.

I don't mean to compare sexual fantasies to rape, just showing the comparison of George's freezing reaction and inability to handle uncomfortable subjects. A host with better abilities would be able to get to the bottom line of their call sooner, or cut them off at the pass when he sensed which road they were going down.

[C110]

That woman that had the so called encounter with the serialkiller/rapist has called in before.......once to George and once to Ian.  Both times she told somewhat of the same bullshit delusional story. 

There is also that nut job that said he was a horse trainer that was hired to go to Germany to work for the terrorists.....or somthing like that.  He has made it on a couple of times to relate his delusional story 2 or 3 times.

[anagrammy]

Was anyone listening to Monday night's show towards the end when the woman who just had ovarian surgery called in about the intruder?

Snoory got VERY uncomfortable- here's how it went down best I can remember it. It's not word for word but it's close.

Caller- and he sat down on the couch and masterbated.
Snoory-long quiet pause, then he says in a shaky voice- Ummmm, you need to get to the point of the story
(a few unrelevant sentences)
Snoory- you need to get to the end of your story.
Caller- he pinned me down on the floor and I could tell he had an erection
Snoory- That's it we have to let you go, you're never going to tell us what happened. It almost seems like she was writing it as she went along"

The way Snoory responded to that caller was ''bazaar". It seemed as if it struck a nerve with him- his vocal tone changed, he no longer talked over the caller, it was quite odd.

He lives in terror of this very thing happening.  How can he be smarmy-nice Georgie and bring these strange callers to heel?  He can't do it and he knows it, so he freezes.  Art was not afraid of nutjobs calling because he could handle them like baseball pitches from a machine--bring 'em on.  He'd have said to the women, "We're very glad you survived that horrifying ordeal, and rather than focus on the details, the real point here is how you managed to get away.  Tell us about that--I really want to hear it in your own words."

and bingo, she'd be back to telling how she untied herself and ran to the neighbors, or whatever.  Art could turn a creepy caller deftly and with no apparent stress in his voice at all.  And he didn't explain afterwards, he would just laugh and you could almost see him shaking his head, assuming that the audience is with him and doesn't need to have explanations, like children would.

There's no way they don't read Coastgab, by the way, even if it is through a flunky.  They can't run on their own fumes, drinking their own Kool-aid, or they will DIE!

Anagrammy

[JustOneFix]

  Art was not afraid of nutjobs calling because he could handle them like baseball pitches from a machine--bring 'em on.  He'd have said to the women, "We're very glad you survived that horrifying ordeal, and rather than focus on the details, the real point here is how you managed to get away.  Tell us about that--I really want to hear it in your own words."

Anagrammy
-snipped-

That's exactly why listening to Art was so enjoyable, he took what was handed to him and ran with it. And did a damn fine job of it too!

I still listen to C2C but now I listen for different reasons.

[valdez]

     During his interview with Dr. John Hall (on the secret mind controll/human experimentation/and other shenanigans of the government), George claimed he was a "truth seeker" and he went on to ask the tough questions, like "is it legal?", and "do they broadcast what they're doing?", and "who's behind this?  The shadow government?"  Ah, yes.  The shadow government revealed.  George went on to name names, putting their picture on his virtual blackboard, shaming these rogues, and sheding light into the "shadows".  No.  Wait.  Truth Seeker didn't do that.  That would have caused a ruckus and gotten Truth Seeker into trouble.
    Joshua P. Warren was also on pushing his new book, the Poor Man's Paranormal, which instructs you on how to hunt the paranormal with every day household items, like capturing bigfoot with duct tape and super glue, cleansing your house of spirits with three gallons of kerosene, thwarting alien abductors with porkrinds, a pistol, and some bullets.  Somehow they got on the subject of George's decision not to do the "Ouija board show".  Joshua praised George for doing the right thing, and being responsible, but then he added, "still, it would have been interesting to see what would have happened."  Truth Seeker changed the subject.  Quick.

[aldousburbank]

     During his interview with Dr. John Hall (on the secret mind controll/human experimentation/and other shenanigans of the government), George claimed he was a "truth seeker"

Maybe what he meant to say was a "tooth seeker" like the tooth fairy, or a "suit tweeker", like a lawyer.  Personally I think the subject matter of the interview might define Noory best- "Electronic Harassment."

[onan]

Maybe what he meant to say was a "tooth seeker" like the tooth fairy, or a "suit tweeker", like a lawyer.  Personally I think the subject matter of the interview might define Noory best- "Electronic Harassment."

Well Noory does play a dentist on his show.

[aldousburbank]

Yes, this does explain a lot.  Numbgums has partnered with ClearChannel and Novocaine to aesthetically extract logic and meaning, and enjoyment, from nightime radio.

[aldousburbank]

Somehow they got on the subject of George's decision not to do the "Ouija board show".  Joshua praised George for doing the right thing, and being responsible, but then he added, "still, it would have been interesting to see what would have happened."  Truth Seeker changed the subject.  Quick.

Yeah, I don't think it would have been interesting at all.  George would have only made the Ouja bored.

[b_dubb]

i feel a new thread coming on ... George-ograph.  it's about geographical locations that have been confused (by George of course) because they sound similar or whatever.  because there are no coincidences.  even if it's a complete coincidence

meant to write 'George-ography'. i am fail

[aldousburbank]

Letter to be read aloud to George:

Son,

I commend thee.  Verily, thouest doeth my will in an exceedingly wondrous manner.  My blessing flow upon thee!

Satan

PS- The check is in the mail.  Oh, also, Mum and I are really looking forward to the family reunion (I'll forward you the directions to Cheney compound), and the surprise live interview next December 22nd!  Great show BTW!  Love ya!  Mean it!

[b_dubb]

Satan is George's agent. NOT his father.  Though this is a common mistake

[Marc.Knight]

[anagrammy]

I feel the following observations are rightfully posted here.  I am talking about symptoms of the oncoming collapse.  No--not Western Civilization--the collapse of Coast To Coast as a vacuum is created when the radio knob is dialed so quickly by so many listeners at once.

I have been watching the website and taking its temperature, so to speak.  This week the first signs of illness appeared as a rash of no photos.  There used to be a glut of listener-offered wierdeties of all types and varities in such abundance that you knew they were turning away artwork and wouldn't even consider public domain newsphotos from Bulgaria unless it was a bigfoot.  No more.  This week has been an absolute embarrassment and they've got to be drawing blood at the weekly content meetings.  Check this out for the week's photo offerings, keeping in mind that the photo area is the front left part of the first page--the premium spot.  The green are the actual listener-submitted photos.

SUNDAY
Poll - world to end in 2012? (begging for opinions)
Hairiest Girl - public domain photo from other website
Coast Insider - ad for streamlink
Videos be part of our future media player - ad for C2C

MONDAY
Poll - world end in 2012? (begging for opinions)
Glass Crop Circle - design on tumbler in dishwasher
Coast Insider - ad for streamlink
Videos be part of our future media player - ad for C2C

TUESDAY
No change

WEDNESDAY
The manpacitor- photo of guest Joshua P. Warren in energy incubator
Generic submarine which "may" be carrying nuclear weapons
Poll Cast your vote (begging for opinions)
Videos be part of our future media player (begging for submissions)

THURSDAY
No change

Worse yet, the Hairy Girl and "Glass Crop Circle" moved to FEATURED after two days in photos.  This pathetic "content" is an End Times Sign since Ripley's Believe It or Not already has this niche.  Coast-to-Coast has lost its way, as prophesied here on Coastgab.  The hot air is collapsing slowly like a Macy parade balloon with a leak, distorting to a parody of its former self on the way down.

The ride may be over for Coast-to-Coast. 

Anagrammy

[EvB]

I feel the following observations are rightfully posted here.  I am talking about symptoms of the oncoming collapse.  No--not Western Civilization--the collapse of Coast To Coast as a vacuum is created when the radio knob is dialed so quickly by so many listeners at once.


Worse yet, the Hairy Girl and "Glass Crop Circle" moved to FEATURED after two days in photos.  This pathetic "content" is an End Times Sign since Ripley's Believe It or Not already has this niche.  Coast-to-Coast has lost its way, as prophesied here on Coastgab.  The hot air is collapsing slowly like a Macy parade balloon with a leak, distorting to a parody of its former self on the way down.

The ride may be over for Coast-to-Coast. 

Anagrammy

We say this every time c2c gets even more stupid - yet it just keeps getting stupider still!

[aldousburbank]

The ride may be over for Coast-to-Coast. 

Anagrammy

I second your observations, the whole outfit seems particularly lame lately.  Maybe they are feeling so comfortable with the enterprise that they now feel they can fax it in, or maybe they're just up against they've got nothing to fax.