George Noory Sucks! - The Definitive Compendium

[21st Century Man]

"I like my Sleep Number Bed because it has a higher IQ than George Noory."

It must be an old model.  I think it only went up to 50 when they first came out with it. That sounds about right.

[Mind Flayer Monk]

Caller: One of your bullshitters should get together with the bullshitter on the show now. 

I'm sure they can come up with a good one together.

[Major Ed Damien]

Caller " last week you had on Linda Molten How on"...

I'm waiting for Jorch to call her "Linda Moulten Hard-on."

[Major Ed Damien]

It must be an old model.  I think it only went up to 50 when they first came out with it. That sounds about right.

Awww, man . . . no wonder it gives me those sweet retarded dreams.

[Major Ed Damien]

I always trust a hollow earth theorist to inform me on global climates.

I also move my lips when I read, too, as well.

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

Would it be rhetorical to say how full of crap this guy was? Nevermind, don't answer that.
I bet his truck melts down and becomes radioactive when the ignition key is turned.

[goldendeal]

Another riveting show tomorrow night....Cybercrime. 
Someone needs to get a call through just to break up the monotony....

[Major Ed Damien]

Would it be rhetorical to say how full of crap this guy was? Nevermind, don't answer that.
I bet his truck melts down and becomes radioactive when the ignition key is turned.

I just got rid of mine.

It pissed orange sparks and shat some kind of smelly discharge.

[Major Ed Damien]

Another riveting show tomorrow night....Cybercrime. 
Someone needs to get a call through just to break up the monotony....

I can't even figure out how to get a rat avatar uploaded, let alone break into Jorch's headphones.

[Juan Cena]

"Brooks, it always amazes me that there is more firepower in one of our hollow cell phones than it took to get to the hollow moon inside the earth."

"Brooks, is your favorite Star Trek episode "For the World Is Hollow, and I Have Touched the Sky?"

[Major Ed Damien]

"Brooks, is your favorite Star Trek episode "For the World Is Hollow, and I Have Touched the Sky?"

"Why, you hollow-headed 'Twilight Zone' mannequin.  How did you guess?"

[NoMoreNoory]

Right at the top of last night's show, Joorch 'checked in' with Christian Wilde who talked about a Scandinavian study from the 90s which suggested that men who gave blood twice a year reduced their risk of having a heart attack by more than 80%.

Joorch: 'Maybe that's why vampires live so long'.

You, my fellow rat-eaters, will scarcely need me to point out that not only do vampires not exist, but the whole point is that the vampires are the blood bank, not the donors.

-JNS

[Nick el Ass]

Right at the top of last night's show, Joorch 'checked in' with Christian Wilde who talked about a Scandinavian study from the 90s which suggested that men who gave blood twice a year reduced their risk of having a heart attack by more than 80%.

Joorch: 'Maybe that's why vampires live so long'.

You, my fellow rat-eaters, will scarcely need me to point out that not only do vampires not exist, but the whole point is that the vampires are the blood bank, not the donors.

-JNS

The vampire thing is yet another instance of Jorch trying to think on his feet. Btw, I just want to say that the old saying of you are what you eat is very true... and I'm a big fan of rat.

[ItsOver]

The vampire thing is yet another instance of Jorch trying to think on his feet. Btw, I just want to say that the old saying of you are what you eat is very true... and I'm a big fan of rat.

Absholutely.  And I'm on the hunt.  I eat what I kill.  Those Nazi rats are mighty tasty.

[MyEye]

I salute all you regular posters that you can handle listening to Noory for a complete show.

I'll occasionally tune-in to C2C and when I do it doesn't take too long before Noory says or interjects something idiotic that prompts me to tune away.  His comment about why vampires live so long, as post by NoMoreNoory, proves so.

Thankfully, in my radio market,  I have other quality options to listen to.

What prompted my post here is because VA Secretary McDonald's claim that he was in "Special Forces" and Brian Williams claim of being shot down.

Several weeks ago I tuned in to C2C and listened in on a snipers' story.  This was the longest I stayed tuned in and listened to a Noory show in a long, long time.  If I recall correctly the sniper was in the Service for six years.  Noory responded that he served for nine and felt that was enough.

I'm wondering how does Noory have the nerve to equate his nine years in the Navy Reserves with someone who served on active duty and in combat.

Noory's draft number came up during the Vietnam era but he did not serve.  Check his birth date and the Selective Services site to confirm.

Noory claimed that his unit was called up to deploy in the initial Gulf War shortly after he got out of the Reserves.  Coincidence, Noory not being called up for duty with his draft number pulled and getting out of the Reserves before being deployed.

Noory doesn't believe in coincidence.    So where is Noory's DD-214?

[Major Ed Damien]

One of the things that drives Jorch especially nuts about this "chatroom," as he calls it, is the fact that nobody even half-way intelligent ever shows up here to defend him.

He can't believe it. 

All those ass-kissing callers from around the country who tell him every night how great he is, and how respectful he is of others, and how he's the best in the world at what he does, and how he should run for president of the universe, and how he may just be God because he got mentioned in the "Torah Code," and how listening to the show saved a caller's dog from choking on a couch -- and nobody intelligent ever comes on here to defend him.

Well, I'm not intelligent.  After all, I listen to "Coast-to-Coast AM with George Noory" so as they say in the law, "res ipsa loquitur," which means "the thing speaks for itself."  Another way to say that is, "You're stupid."

However, today I'm going to try and defend Jorch, and perhaps even things up a little.  I think it's going to be a very little because I don't have anything big around here with a lot of booze in it.  Or as we "Coast" listeners say, "Me no got no big baba to dwink from, Mommy."

So let's start by talking about Jorch's wig.

Sure, it's a wig.  But he paid good money for it, it's very expensive, and it was bought in L.A. -- the wig and breast implant capital of the world. 

In fact, L.A. is the Mecca of fake, not-exactly-necessary human body parts, and even the used ones are prized.  Jorch, of course, was able to afford a very nice new one.

And, check this out:  It's black.  And black is one of the colors.

Unless you want to get technical.

I can't really think of anything else today.  Sorry.  I told you it would be a very little.

If you can defend Jorch even semi-intelligently, though, please offer your comments here -- in between swallowing chucks of rat and sucking on the tails. 

The deep-fried front feet are also good dipped in Thai spicy peanut sauce.  I can't eat enough of them.  I had two dozen pairs last night, and I just want more.

[coaster]

One of the things that drives Jorch especially nuts about this "chatroom," as he calls it, is the fact that nobody even half-way intelligent ever shows up here to defend him.


All those ass-kissing callers from around the country who tell him how great he is, and how respectful he is of others, and how he's the best in the world at what he does, and how he should run for president of the universe, and how he may just be God because he got mentioned in the "Torah Code," and how listening to the show saved a caller's dog from choking on a couch

I bet he really gets off on the ass-kissing. Theres a reason he has a bottle of lotion on his desk. And its not for his dry elbows..

[Major Ed Damien]

I bet he really gets off on the ass-kissing. Theres a reason he has a bottle of lotion on his desk. And its not for his dry elbows..

See, you could have easily turned that comment into a nice, reasoned defense of Jorch, instead of pissing all over his wig again.

Here:

"George obviously likes to masturbate.  Who doesn't?  It means he really is the common man we all want him to be.  He's truly the common denominator in this messed-up equation of life.  And he yanks that thing like a retard with a new yo yo."

[zeebo]

... he should run for president of the universe...

Well he does speak for earth, sending that message out to the cosmos as he did, representing us all. 

The aliens on the receiving end will probably never respond though, realizing we must be an evolutionary dead-end.

[Major Ed Damien]

Well he does speak for earth, sending that message out to the cosmos as he did, representing us all. 

The aliens on the receiving end will probably never respond though, realizing we must be an evolutionary dead-end.

There you go, Zeebo.  Now that's what I'm talking about.

A little acidic finish there at the end -- actually, nuclear abrasive -- but you did intelligently defend Jorch.  I think.  Somebody help me.

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

George asks people to refer to Obama as President and respect the office.  I think that's good.

George likes to keep the cussin' down.  I think that's good, to a point.  Not allowing Ian to use the real title of his book on air or squirming when somebody talks about bodily functions over the course of an interview might be a bit much.

And, um...

Well I guess I can sum it up best by borrowing from the eulogy Bailiff Bull gave to Attorney Dan on Night Court:  "George is a mammal."

[pate]

...

So let's start by talking about Jorch's wig.

Sure, it's a wig.  But he paid good money for it, it's very expensive, and it was bought in L.A. -- the wig and breast implant capital of the world.

...

Wow, I didn't know that about the wig & breast implant capital of the world.  I wonder if he got a package deal on the wig?  You know throw in some implants for Tommee or himself and save some dough on both.  Not that Jorch the bazillionaire radio tycoon needs to save money or anything, but a deal's a deal, right?

Mad Max 3 gulag

Hey, that almost qualifies as an attraction at NooryWorld or NooryLand...

[Major Ed Damien]

George asks people to refer to Obama as President and respect the office.  I think that's good.

George likes to keep the cussin' down.  I think that's good, to a point.  Not allowing Ian to use the real title of his book on air or squirming when somebody talks about bodily functions over the course of an interview might be a bit much.

And, um...

Well I guess I can sum it up best by borrowing from the eulogy Bailiff Bull gave to Attorney Dan on Night Court:  "George is a mammal."

That's a good one, GFP.

It shows Jorch's wonderful, multi-faceted -- some might even say "insane" -- personality.

On one hand, Obama should be respectfully referred to as the president.

On the other hand, Jorch vocally back-massaged callers who claimed Obama's government was behind the Sandy Hook massacre of schoolkids and their teachers.

On the third hand, Jorch doesn't like cussin.'

On the fourth hand, Jorch is jackin' off while on the air.

You see, we rats have four hands.

You and Zeebo get A plusses.

[Jorch Einstein]

A few positives about Jorch...

He's trained the black rat on his head to not bite people and infect them with the plague. That's very considerate of him.

He's always considerate of his female guests and plays special (creepy) bumper music just for them, to let them know in no uncertain terms that he's a male of the species and is pondering their orifice.

In addition to being mentally handicapped himself, he provides work for the mentally handicapped and morbidly obese, such as Tommy.

[ItsOver]

One of the things that drives Jorch especially nuts about this "chatroom," as he calls it, is the fact that nobody even half-way intelligent ever shows up here to defend him.

He can't believe it. 

All those ass-kissing callers from around the country who tell him every night how great he is, and how respectful he is of others, and how he's the best in the world at what he does, and how he should run for president of the universe, and how he may just be God because he got mentioned in the "Torah Code," and how listening to the show saved a caller's dog from choking on a couch -- and nobody intelligent ever comes on here to defend him.

Well, I'm not intelligent.  After all, I listen to "Coast-to-Coast AM with George Noory" so as they say in the law, "res ipsa loquitur," which means "the thing speaks for itself."  Another way to say that is, "You're stupid."

However, today I'm going to try and defend Jorch, and perhaps even things up a little.  I think it's going to be a very little because I don't have anything big around here with a lot of booze in it.  Or as we "Coast" listeners say, "Me no got no big baba to dwink from, Mommy."

So let's start by talking about Jorch's wig.

Sure, it's a wig.  But he paid good money for it, it's very expensive, and it was bought in L.A. -- the wig and breast implant capital of the world. 

In fact, L.A. is the Mecca of fake, not-exactly-necessary human body parts, and even the used ones are prized.  Jorch, of course, was able to afford a very nice new one.

And, check this out:  It's black.  And black is one of the colors.

Unless you want to get technical.

I can't really think of anything else today.  Sorry.  I told you it would be a very little.

If you can defend Jorch even semi-intelligently, though, please offer your comments here -- in between swallowing chucks of rat and sucking on the tails. 

The deep-fried front feet are also good dipped in Thai spicy peanut sauce.  I can't eat enough of them.  I had two dozen pairs last night, and I just want more.

The Jorch supporters are far and few between.  SciFiAuthor, who's pretty, sharp, tried for awhile but even he eventually threw in the towel.  Not even Jorch's repeated attempts at bribery have done much.  Jorch doesn't have a rat to stand on.

[Major Ed Damien]

A few positives about Jorch...

He's trained the black rat on his head to not bite people and infect them with the plague. That's very considerate of him.

He's always considerate of his female guests and plays special (creepy) bumper music just for them, to let them know in no uncertain terms that he's a male of the species and is pondering their orifice.

In addition to being mentally handicapped himself, he provides work for the mentally handicapped and morbidly obese, such as Tommy.

Awww . . . now there goes teacher's pet again.  Always getting the gold star.  Always getting to eat the apple and the teacher.  And I brought the goddamned apple.

[ItsOver]

A few positives about Jorch...

He's trained the black rat on his head to not bite people and infect them with the plague. That's very considerate of him.

He's always considerate of his female guests and plays special (creepy) bumper music just for them, to let them know in no uncertain terms that he's a male of the species and is pondering their orifice.

In addition to being mentally handicapped himself, he provides work for the mentally handicapped and morbidly obese, such as Tommy.

Ah, yes.  And LMH is up this week.  "Lady in redddd..."  She must do the show from under her shower to fight off the Jorchiness.  I'll bet that gets Jorch hot and bothered.

[Major Ed Damien]

"First Hour: Prof. Jim Bell is an active planetary scientist and has been heavily involved in many NASA robotic space exploration missions. He'll talk about these missions, including the whole story of the Voyager spacecraft and its scientific discoveries."


Oh, boy!  I just did the math:


Noory + Voyager = Challenger Disaster

[ItsOver]

I want a real host on Coast, not some 3x5 reader.

[Major Ed Damien]

I want a George Knapp doll for the dog to fuck.

What are we doing?  Making Christmas lists?