George Noory Sucks! - The Definitive Compendium

[Morgus]

I have a dear friend who's attached to the BRAVO network's reality TV show "Millionaire Matchmaker", so I sometimes hear some pretty weird, sometimes hysterically funny, stories about it.     She called me a few weeks ago with a heads up that Glynis McCants would be on an episode that aired last week (I watched it and it wasn't anything interesting).   While I was talking with my friend about the Glynis appearance, I said something about how funny it would be if Jorch was ever one of the millionaire batchelors being matched up with his "true love" on the show.   She said "Don't count it out.  Someone saw him here and I've heard rumors of talks..." 

Please universe, make this happen.   We'd get to see Jorch with his shoe polish toupee and stache, plastic surgeried into oblivion face,  weird black shirt/purple tie,  dumpy lumpy claims to p90x body, flaily twee hand gestures and incomprehensibly mangled speech while Patti Stanger (the matchmaker) yells things at him like "the penis does the picking!!" (one of her taglines).   

Then we'd get to see Jorch pick his date from the speed dating round that the show fills with young hooker-looking women with skirts cut up to their hoohaas (but, no! they're models!).   Finally, we'd actually see Jorch take his chosen hooker (oops, I mean model) out on a date that he arranges and try to woo her. 

I'll let you all know if I hear any further rumors about it.  Just the possibility has kept me laughing for days whenever I think about it.

George Noory sucks.

too bad they don't still have the Dating Game show on.
Noory would have to compete against two other batchelors for a date... 

[McPhallus]

It's like the creepy Scottish version of Cleveland Brown from The Cleveland Show.

It's not off topic, because old gregg's personality resembles noory's in many ways - though noory hasn't got tha funk.

Old Greg!!!!!

PS I am a face-doppleganger of julian barret, who plays howard moon. Without the mustache.

[BobGrau]

It's like the creepy Scottish version of Cleveland Brown from The Cleveland Show.

That's not scottish... I dunno wtf kind of accent that is...

McPhallus, I hate to be a douche but I suspect your avatar is rubbing up against the TOS. Made me lol, though.

[lonevoice]

too bad they don't still have the Dating Game show on.
Noory would have to compete against two other batchelors for a date... 

True, but I think this one could be even funnier.   

The millionaires that are on the show are often D-lister wannabe, has-been, or never were "celebrities", desperate to get their faces on television.  Apparently, in exchange for that, they agree to be totally humiliated.   The matchmaker forces them to get makeovers, saying things to them like, "Oh my God!  Where did you get that suit you're wearing?  It looks like something you stole off a homeless guy...in 1950!   And you have to get your hair done.  Any woman would be afraid to touch it because it looks like black shoe polish would come off all over her hands!   That moustache makes you look like an aging walrus, and you're sure not very masculine...are you lying to me about being straight?   You'll have to go for speech therapy before I set you up on any dates because I honestly can't understand a word you're saying.  And you have to swear to me that you will NOT sing on your date.  You sound like a dying goat!  You need a lot of work, Jorch, you're just plain creepy." 

The dates are almost always disastrous, with the edited point being to show why the millionaire guy can't get his own dates.   It could be great.

[McPhallus]

The post it references was most certainly a violation of the TOS (on multiple levels), but I'll remove the avatar if MV asks.

That's not scottish... I dunno wtf kind of accent that is...

McPhallus, I hate to be a douche but I suspect your avatar is rubbing up against the TOS. Made me lol, though.

[armyvet8896]

Hey....did any of you hear the guy who has the heart problem?  He called a week or so ago and I do remember that particular call.  During that call, he talked about having a failing heart and not being put on a transplant list.  Noory said that he would give his info to Christian Wilde with the possibility of getting stem cell treatment.  WELL THEN...he calls last night and goes through the ropes with Noory.  Georgie states that he sent the info to Christian Wilde and hasn't heard back.  Noory also states that he will get in touch again.  As Noory attempts to bump the caller to the next one, you can clearly hear..."You are a liar."  Then you hear the new caller chime in immediately. Yes, this was from the guy with the (alleged) heart problem.  It should be noted that this guy called earlier in the 'open lines' program.  Noory NEVER noticed.  Wow. 

I heard that to buddy.  George Noory sucks!!!!!

[ChewMouse]

"Oh my God!  Where did you get that suit you're wearing?  It looks like something you stole off a homeless guy...in 1950!   And you have to get your hair done.  Any woman would be afraid to touch it because it looks like black shoe polish would come off all over her hands!   That moustache makes you look like an aging walrus, and you're sure not very masculine...are you lying to me about being straight?   You'll have to go for speech therapy before I set you up on any dates because I honestly can't understand a word you're saying.  And you have to swear to me that you will NOT sing on your date.  You sound like a dying goat!  You need a lot of work, Jorch, you're just plain creepy." 

Oh wow, you so nailed this! hahaha! I admit I got hooked on Millionaire Matchmaker for awhile and this is exactly the kind of thing she'd say to GN.

I needed that laugh!

[ItsOver]

...... "Oh my God!  Where did you get that suit you're wearing?  It looks like something you stole off a homeless guy...in 1950!   And you have to get your hair done.  Any woman would be afraid to touch it because it looks like black shoe polish would come off all over her hands!   That moustache makes you look like an aging walrus, and you're sure not very masculine...are you lying to me about being straight?   You'll have to go for speech therapy before I set you up on any dates because I honestly can't understand a word you're saying.  And you have to swear to me that you will NOT sing on your date.  You sound like a dying goat!  You need a lot of work, Jorch, you're just plain creepy." 

Yes, that is indeed Jorch Nooree.... The Motown Moron,  The St. Louie Loser,  The LA Laughingstock .... a doofus of many names and zero talent.

[armyvet8896]

George Noory sucks!!!!!!

[someguy]

Did anybody hear that "baby whisperer" dude that was on first hour the other night? I got the most massive fuckin' skeevo vibes from that guy. Maybe it was because I was high as a fuckin helicopter at the time, but I doubt it. He was talking about how when a baby was crying he'd go stand by it without saying a word and just smile.  That was the weirdest shit.

[armyvet8896]

Anybody on here a remote viewer?  Just wondering. George Noory sucks

[popple]

jorch on millionaire matchmaker? yessssssssss plz.

[NooryIsADouchebag]

Did anybody hear that "baby whisperer" dude that was on first hour the other night? I got the most massive fuckin' skeevo vibes from that guy. Maybe it was because I was high as a fuckin helicopter at the time, but I doubt it. He was talking about how when a baby was crying he'd go stand by it without saying a word and just smile.  That was the weirdest shit.

Yeah, I did.  In fact, I commented about it on here and even called him the "baby whisperer guy" I think.  That guy also gave me the creeps big time and I wasn't even high or drunk!  That whole fucking show was weird and there was PLENTY of sucky material provided by Boy Jorch that night.

[GluttonForPunishment]

True, but I think this one could be even funnier.   

The millionaires that are on the show are often D-lister wannabe, has-been, or never were "celebrities", desperate to get their faces on television.  Apparently, in exchange for that, they agree to be totally humiliated.   The matchmaker forces them to get makeovers, saying things to them like, "Oh my God!  Where did you get that suit you're wearing?  It looks like something you stole off a homeless guy...in 1950!   And you have to get your hair done.  Any woman would be afraid to touch it because it looks like black shoe polish would come off all over her hands!   That moustache makes you look like an aging walrus, and you're sure not very masculine...are you lying to me about being straight?   You'll have to go for speech therapy before I set you up on any dates because I honestly can't understand a word you're saying.  And you have to swear to me that you will NOT sing on your date.  You sound like a dying goat!  You need a lot of work, Jorch, you're just plain creepy." 

The dates are almost always disastrous, with the edited point being to show why the millionaire guy can't get his own dates.   It could be great.

I have to say that when I first saw a photo of Noory years ago, I got really creepy vibes from it.    If he ditched the stache, the phony poses, and let his real hair, what's left of it, do it's natural thing,...oh and practice diction so that he doesn't sound like he always has marbles in his mouth, he might not come off as some kind of weirdo predator.   Some people improve with age;  how can anyone suck so badly after having so many years of practicing to be cool???   

[coop]

I can't stand George's nightly introduction...once again it's cringe-worthy and factually untrue.
"From the city of angels off the Pacific Ocean"...more like, "from a Sears stripmall in downtown Burbank,
good morning, good evening accraawss the nation...", where in the world did he develop that accent???
"I'm George Noory and welcome to "coasht to coasht am..."  George must announce his name and coast to coast am at least one hundred times during each show.  Every promo code is George or "slash George".
Reviews from his book on Amazon in 2006, "Worker in the Dark", basically echo the same complaints being aired in this forum.  Therefore, he ain't gonna change and I doubt that Premrat cares.    

[Falkie2013]

" From a sewage outlet off the Pacific Ocean ... "

Snoorge would pimp himself to open a burger joint, a car wash, maybe even a porn store because that's the closest he'd ever get to having one in bed.

We could probably also find him in the aisle of a Kmart that's closing trying to get coupons for pre-packaged turkey sandwiches and pizza rolls.

[coop]

Also in 2006, George was encouraging the lissnerrs to buy his book, not based on the merits of the book itself, but so that he can give charity back to the lissnerrs who need it...sound familiar???  Same scam different decade!  George is a multi-millionaire wanna be Hollywood star.  He hit the lottery and when is it going to be enough for greedy chops? 

[onan]

Is George a millionaire? I dunno why, but I doubt that. I don't want to think about how many undeserved millionaires there are out there. I have enough ill will for noory without adding that.

[ItsOver]

Anybody on here a remote viewer?  Just wondering. George Noory sucks

If Ed Dames is a remote viewer, who isn't one?

[Morgus]

Is George a millionaire? I dunno why, but I doubt that. I don't want to think about how many undeserved millionaires there are out there. I have enough ill will for noory without adding that.

I highly doubt Noory is a millionaire.
The network probably only pays him scale, thats why he has to appear at so many live events to make extra money from his 'meet & greet' fees and charging for his autographed photos. 

[ItsOver]

I highly doubt Noory is a millionaire.
The network probably only pays him scale, thats why he has to appear at so many live events to make extra money from his 'meet & greet' fees and charging for his autographed photos. 

That or he's just a cheap, money-grubbing tightwad.

[PB the Deplorable]

That or he's just a cheap, money-grubbing tightwad.

He took his parents out to a nice diner for their anniversary

[attachimg=1]

[PB the Deplorable]

And frequently buys the drinks when out with friends

[attachimg=1]

[ItsOver]

He took his parents out to a nice diner for their anniversary

[attachimg=1]

I can seem him sneaking out before the bill arrives.  "Have tuh get tuh thuh show fur thu listuners, folks."   

[armyvet8896]

George Noory sucks!!!!!!

[Falkie2013]

And frequently buys the drinks when out with friends

[attachimg=1]

That picture makes me think of a possible movie for Snoorge as he takes his " career " to a new level.

They wear dark glasses but they work in reverse.

Snoorge Snoory and the Rock in They Suck.

And George Noory Sucks.

[b_dubb]

emerging turds tonight.  steer clear.  this is a knapp/punnet free sunday

[Eddie Coyle]

emerging turds tonight.  steer clear.  this is a knapp/punnet free sunday

When it's Ian or Knapp it feels like Sunday night. With Noory, it's Monday morning arriving early.

[WOTR]

emerging turds tonight.  steer clear.  this is a knapp/punnet free sunday

What a relief that it is Georges Sunday!  I was getting really sick of having to put up with those other hosts who occasionally challenged me or made thought provoking comments.  Much better to have Mr. Mediocre and his submerging artists on...

[Falkie2013]

Just to make you feel better.



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