George Noory Sucks! - The Definitive Compendium

[The Professor]

[noory] one big thing we have now that they didn't have
Back when Columbus came to the new world is tech-null-o-gee!

Yes George, technology wasn't invented until 2003.

[The Professor]

[noory'] hubble is going quite well!

For christs sake George; focus! Moon landing! 40 years!

[The Professor]

[noory'] when will we get a revolutionary breakthrough
In space propulsion?

Oh, and when is the Big One gonna hit LA?

[Supernormal]

Noory found a way to use "the final frontier" and "the right stuff" in the same show. He has more cliches than space has stars. Of course, all things that took place near the moon-landing anniversary aren't just coincidences in the Universe of Magical Thought.

George Voice: "It's shtrange that Walter Cronkite covered the moon mission and that Michael Jackson moonwalked."

[Supernormal]

[noory'] hubble is going quite well!

For christs sake George; focus! Moon landing! 40 years!

I hope that you missed his comment about lunar structures. It won't be too much longer before he mentions green cheese. Jackie Gleason comes to mind when I hear some of his loony (I apologize for that) comments and questions.

George Voice: "How did a cow manage to jump over the moon?"

[The Professor]

<discussing the odds of life in the universe>

[Zimmerman] Well, they say if a hundred monkeys bang on a typewriter, eventually
you'll get Shakespeare...but no monkey has done it yet!

But, the monkeys do seem to be writing questions Noory asks, so give them some credit...

[The Professor]

phone calls after an hour of Noory's random space questions? What about the goddamn 40th anniversary!?!

[Noory] Space, the Final Fro...Frontier, as Shatner said.

There, Noory got one TV reference in, now to work in "Contact"...

[TheAntiGeorgie]

George Noory...one small suck for a man, one
Giant leap down for mankind...

[Supernormal]

Forget about the moon; Noory's talking about the sun. He's doing his solar doom and gloom routine. He even laughed when the guest mentioned Earth's demise when the sun dies. George definitely sounds amused by planetary catastrophes. 

[Mops]

Was it just my radio or did George just bring Robert Felix into the conversation?

[The Professor]

The tard callers are in now....

[caller] will we ever see a photo of the stuff we left on the moon?

You mean like the ones that were released this week from LRO in honor of the
40th anniversary?

[PB the Deplorable]

[Noory] Did Al Queda have anything to do with Jimmy Hoffa? You know I was the last one to interview him!

The wrong guy disappeared, maybe we could have had Hoffa hosting the show...

Jimmy Hoffa (to guest):  'Funny how?'

[Mops]

Go ahead, George, ask the question:  "Was Apollo 11 a hoax designed to divert attention from Capricorn One's secret mission to Mars?"

[Supernormal]

George: "What do you think about the Flat Earth Society?"

He actually asked that, and he then asked the guest what he thought about people who thought that our planet is just 6,000 years old.

[The Professor]

George: "What do you think about the Flat Earth Society?"

He actually asked that, and he then asked the guest what he thought about people who thought that our planet is just 6,000 years old.

This is where the studio webcam would help, you could see George's look of disappointment when the guest shot those things down.

Then, the tard callers asking the screened questions about how the secret space program has already reverse engineered ET craft, blah, blah...

Its Tard-la-palooza tonight!

[The Professor]

George: "What do you think about the Flat Earth Society?"

He actually asked that, and he then asked the guest what he thought about people who thought that our planet is just 6,000 years old.

Yeah, but he's holding back on asking about Fluoride in the water...

[The Professor]

Noory saw the moons of jupiter and rings of Saturn with the refractor telescope he had as a kid?

How did he get so much dumber than when he was 7?

[The Professor]

Is it just me, or do the bumper songs have nothing remotely to do with space,
much less the moon. WTF?

Ground control to Producer Tom, Noory's circuits dead, there's something wrong, can you hear me Producer Tom, can you hear me Producer Tom...

The listeners are blue, and there's nothing we can do....

[Supernormal]

This is where the studio webcam would help, you could see George's look of disappointment when the guest shot those things down.

You're on the money. I wonder what he looked like when the guest shot down the lunar-landing conspiracy theories. 

[Mops]

Another question on George's wish list:  "Was the entire space program merely a publicity stunt produced by Tang?"

[The Professor]

[Noory] Why would the astronauts wank to take Tang with them---there's no water on the moon!

[The Professor]

Its a constant battle as to who is dumber, Noory or his callers....

[Mops]

Taking odds on whether the caller from Tennessee is a hoax.......

[The Professor]

[Caller] Wull, the Earth was made in 7 days, so there ain't no big bang.

Well, that settles that!

[Culler] When I was in 4th grade...

[Noory] Hold it right there!

Yes George, we realize that is your educational philosophy...

[The Professor]

Taking odds on whether the caller from Tennessee is a hoax.......

I'm still taking odds on whether Noory is a hoax...

[The Professor]

[Caller] Wull, the Earth was made in 7 days, so there ain't no big bang.

Well, that settles that!

[Caller] When I was in 4th grade...

Ah, classic coast---we'll get some guys theory of everything that he developed in 4th grade...great job, phone screeners! Say, can we get some dream callers going too, thats hot talk!

[The Professor]

Damned if you do, Damned if you don't....its either tardations from Noory,
or from his tard fans....

I wonder if any guest has ever hung up on the show...maybe that explains all the dropped calls where Tommy has to get them back on....

[The Professor]

Wow, I can't get enough of this talk about the 40th anniversary of the moon landing...well, actually, I'm waiting for it to start, but I am wanting more!

[The Professor]

[Noory] Its the 40th anniversary of the moon landing...Bob, what do you think about Transformers?

[Supernormal]

Guest: "It's dangerous to jump to conclusions."

Noory should tattoo that phrase on the palm of his hand. He graduated magna cum laude from the College of Magical-Thinking with a major in false links and a minor in faulty logic.

Who *didn't* know that the caller from Tennessee would interpret the Genesis account of creation in a literal way?