Things That Annoy You

[Eddie Coyle]

The excessive chanting/applause from audience members on every late night talk show. You have to listen to it for the first few minutes before the show can actually start. Its too much. Two shows that are really bad are Conan and The Colbert Report. The crowd chanting "Stephen" annoys me to no end. Get on with the fucking show already.

This horrible trend really,really got worse with with Letterman's return from heart trouble in 2000. Every fucking sentence he utters is followed by 15 seconds of unrestrained laughter. And those who you mentioned have audiences filled with hipster sheep who bray endlessly with cheers and other foolishness...like it's a participatory endeavor.

        I didn't watch an episode after 1990...but I remember "Married With Children" being quite guilty of the "live audience goes bananas"...look Kelly Bundy walks in = 12 seconds of cat calls. Al insults Peg= 8 seconds of guffaws.

[Sardondi]

One day many centuries from now, an archaeological site nanodrone will sift through some debris somewhere on what used to be the West Coast of what is now California, and will come up with a thin, shiny, plastic disc which the drone AI recognizes as a medium for data storage and transmission. It picks the appropriate translation mode from its Rosetta Plaque of Ancient Software. It discovers on it an earth-shattering record of apparent religious ceremonies and cultural traditions of the ancient culture having to do with ancient gods "Al" and "Bud" and goddesses "Peg" and "Kelly" of this bygone civilization. And the drone will send this message to the dig director "Dave" back at HQ in PanEuropa:

"Have discovered cultural artifact recording cause of this civilization's destruction. Recommend immediate, repeat, IMMEDIATE nuclear annihilation of this site, without further notification to any parties, to include destruction of all drone and even human entities currently at site, so that possibility of further contamination is totally precluded. On a personal note, the material is so shocking that a further description cannot be risked. It can only be stated that the contents are so repulsive and harmful that it can only be hoped that all memory of what has been seen and read will be lost forever in the mists of time. Please tell me I won't dream, Dave."

[PB the Deplorable]

There may be aliens 10 light years away just now picking up George Noory over the radio...

[Eddie Coyle]

One day many centuries from now, an archaeological site nanodrone will sift through some debris somewhere on what used to be the West Coast of what is now California, and will come up with a thin, shiny, plastic disc which the drone AI recognizes as a medium for data storage and transmission. It picks the appropriate translation mode from its Rosetta Plaque of Ancient Software. It discovers on it an earth-shattering record of apparent religious ceremonies and cultural traditions of the ancient culture having to do with ancient gods "Al" and "Bud" and goddesses "Peg" and "Kelly" of this bygone civilization. And the drone will send this message to the dig director "Dave" back at HQ in PanEuropa:

"Have discovered cultural artifact recording cause of this civilization's destruction. Recommend immediate, repeat, IMMEDIATE nuclear annihilation of this site, without further notification to any parties, to include destruction of all drone and even human entities currently at site, so that possibility of further contamination is totally precluded. On a personal note, the material is so shocking that a further description cannot be risked. It can only be stated that the contents are so repulsive and harmful that it can only be hoped that all memory of what has been seen and read will be lost forever in the mists of time. Please tell me I won't dream, Dave."

But I hope journals are kept indicating that the inhabitants of wasteland were actually subjected to even worse cultural diminution than this mere atrocity known as "Married With Children"...somehow this seeming nadir would be surpassed! See, the impossible can occur.

             Today the archaeologists discovered remnants with etchings indicating their designation was "Celebrity Rehab" "Larry the Cable Guy", "Jay Z", "50 Shades of Grey"...my word! Dr Zaius tells us that apparently Earth creatures of this era were of zero intelligence and amused by excretion.

[Sardondi]

No disagreement here.

[PhantasticSanShiSan]

          But I hope journals are kept indicating that the inhabitants of wasteland were actually subjected to even worse cultural diminution than this mere atrocity known as "Married With Children"...somehow this seeming nadir would be surpassed! See, the impossible can occur.

             Today the archaeologists discovered remnants with etchings indicating their designation was "Celebrity Rehab" "Larry the Cable Guy", "Jay Z", "50 Shades of Grey"...my word! Dr Zaius tells us that apparently Earth creatures of this era were of zero intelligence and amused by excretion.

In the next re-release of the the original Planet of the Apes, they will digitally replace the statue of liberty with Oprah. Same for the Kraken in the '81 Clash of the Titans. Same for SP Marshmallow Man in Ghostbusters.  All Oprah.

[Eddie Coyle]

In the next re-release of the the original Planet of the Apes, they will digitally replace the statue of liberty with Oprah. Same for the Kraken in the '81 Clash of the Titans. Same for SP Marshmallow Man in Ghostbusters.  All Oprah.

           With the torch she supposed to be holding replaced by a plate of hamburgers. Orca Winfrey.

[PB the Deplorable]

I'm already tired of hearing about Kobe and about LeBron.  And the season hasen't even started yet.

[Eddie Coyle]

I'm already tired of hearing about Kobe and about LeBron.  And the season hasen't even started yet.

          And Dwight Howard makes it a hat trick.

          And that's probably the only time a hockey reference will be used until at least the new year.

[Pragmier]

The late 80s spawned the Bundys, Hall, and Downey Jr. Ahh good times, good times.

[stevesh]

The assclown who replaced Frank Caliendo on FOX NFL Sunday. The least funny 'comedian' I've ever heard.

[Eddie Coyle]

The late 80s spawned the Bundys, Hall, and Downey Jr. Ahh good times, good times.

        Ted and King Kong Bundy?   Fawn or Arsenio Hall?  Morton Downey Jr?

[PB the Deplorable]

Used to be a big baseball fan, but gave up the year they cancelled the pennant race and World Series, then never got back into it in the subsequent years of sterioids and too many long boring games with scores like 15-3.

So I tune in to watch game 7 of the Giants and Cardinals the other night.  Every single batter steps out of the batters box after every single pitch, then when the pitcher gets the ball back he's standing there holding it and looking around for awhile before he decides to finally pitch it. 

OMFG that was excruciating for the short time I watched.  Is this normal now - does anyone just stand in the batters box and wait for the next pitch?  Do any pitchers get the ball back, get the catchers sign, and just throw the fucking thing already anymore?

No wonder the games take so long now.  The unpires have the prerogative to not give 'time' to the batter to step out once he's in the batters box.  I think they also can call a 'ball' on the pitcher if he's just standing there and not pitching it for no reason.  They need to start doing so.  I guess I'll check in with them in another 20 years to see what's up.

[stevesh]

Is this normal now - ?

'Fraid so. I've always thought baseball was better suited to radio anyway, so you can listen to the increasingly slow games while doing something productive, like washing your car.

As Bucky the cat in the comic strip Get Fuzzy recently said about baseball, "I've seen more action in a bowl of warm dough."

[Juan]

The DH led to baseball's destruction.

[ShayP]

VEGANS.

They annoy me.  I cook for a living.  I am tired of trying to create food that tastes like other food because people don't want to eat food but yet want food.  Make sense?    "I want a steak. Can you make something that tastes like that but isn't meat?"  Well, that means you want to eat steak. Duh!?

I could go on...but won't. 

[Eddie Coyle]

The DH led to baseball's destruction.

        Yup. Expansion too. Every expansion year since 1969(77, 93, 98) resulted in offensive explosions.

[PB the Deplorable]

The DH led to baseball's destruction.

That is exactly it. 

There used to be a rhythm to the lineup for the pitcher

- leadoff batter - speedy, not a long ball hitter, don't let him get on, nothing but strikes
- 2nd guy - good contact hitter, not a long ball hitter, low strikes  - get him to hit it on the ground
- 3rd - best overall hitter, be careful, don't walk him though - the cleanup batter is next
- cleanup - long ball hitter, strikes out a lot, nothing good to hit, esp with first base open
- 5th - dangerous, strikes out a lot, put him on if first is open and there are runners on
- 6th, 7th, 8th hitters - usually not so good, can relax a little and pitch to their weaknesses.  The #8 may be a base stealer lead off type too, so don't let him on.  Try to get these guys so the pitcher comes up in the next inning - don't let them 'flip' the lineup by getting the pitcher to make the third out in this one
- 9th - pitcher - he was probably the best hitter on his HS and college teams, but didn't develope after that.  Nothing but fastball strikes

Top of the order, time to bear down again.


With the DH it's all just mostly lumbering big guys, long ball hitters, no break for the pitcher, no sense of rhythem, just go up and swing hard at everything.  Sucks.

[BobGrau]

VEGANS.

They annoy me.  I cook for a living.  I am tired of trying to create food that tastes like other food because people don't want to eat food but yet want food.  Make sense?    "I want a steak. Can you make something that tastes like that but isn't meat?"  Well, that means you want to eat steak. Duh!?

I could go on...but won't. 

What pisses me off is that, no matter how much I argue, threaten and cajole, vegetarians will never just admit that they simply hate plants.

[PB the Deplorable]

VEGANS.

They annoy me.  I cook for a living.  I am tired of trying to create food that tastes like other food because people don't want to eat food but yet want food.  Make sense?    "I want a steak. Can you make something that tastes like that but isn't meat?"  Well, that means you want to eat steak. Duh!?

I could go on...but won't. 

I went to a ceremony in a temple in China once - not only did everything taste like different meats (sorta, almost), it all looked like it too.  I think it was flavored soy / tofu.  After about half a plate when the novelty wore off though...

[ChewMouse]

VEGANS.

They annoy me.  I cook for a living.  I am tired of trying to create food that tastes like other food because people don't want to eat food but yet want food.  Make sense?    "I want a steak. Can you make something that tastes like that but isn't meat?"  Well, that means you want to eat steak. Duh!?

I could go on...but won't. 

I met a vegan once. They're rare around Kansas, or at least they're quiet. Beef and pork are major industries here.

But this vegan said a terrible thing that has altered my life. When I asked if she ate eggs and cheese, she said, "Eggs are a chicken's ovulation."

Well duh. But I had never thought of it that way. (I was about thirteen years old, by the way.)

I have never felt the same about eggs.

Now I don't want vegans near me and if one does get near, they better shut the hell up.

[Juan]

A few months ago, I met an absolutely beautiful, single woman of at least acceptable age compatibility.  She talked to me and was nice - that's very unusual.  I was delighted.  Then she began to talk about being a militant vegan and about her campaigns to end meat eating. 

Oh, well.  I left the meeting and stopped by a BBQ joint on the way home.

[Sardondi]

The DH led to baseball's destruction.

No way! The DH made it acceptable for fat guys who wouldn't get in shape to play 10 years past their "sell by" date. Besides, who wanted to see hit-and-runs, sac flies, double steals, guns by the catcher, 2-6-1 DPs, suicide squeezes, a game of singles, a game of running, substitutions that mattered, 2-1 games or hitting pitchers? Sheesh, it's much more fun seeing a 11-7 game with 8 dingers made by half-swings of two-legged Charolias bulls who five years weighed 145 and played short.

[PB the Deplorable]

No way! The DH made it acceptable for fat guys who wouldn't get in shape to play..

Heh, see 'Mickey Lolich'

[PB the Deplorable]

I love stats.  What I don't love are bullshit stats.

Like when they tell us whenever a certain baseball team scores 10 runs or more they win 97% of those games.  Or whenever a certain football team takes a 14 point lead into the 4th quarter at home, or when a team hits 3 HRs,  they win most of those games.  Well no shit.

Today I heard the worst one of all - well maybe, there is some heavy competition.  The Giants have this pitcher, Barry Zito.  When he was with Oakland in the AL he was the staff ace, an All-Star, one of the best pitchers in baseball.  He's been in the NL with the Giants for half a dozen years now (he signed a massive $120 million multi-year contract), and has been absolutely dismal the whole time.

So today he's pitching agains the Tigers in Game One of the World Series, and they are talking about his lifetime stats against the Tigers, all of which came years ago when Zito was a great pitcher in the AL with the A's.  There is no one left on the Tigers from those years.  Any of Zito's stats against the Tigers from those years are completely irrelevant.  Completely ridiculous bringing any of that up.

[Sardondi]

Yeah, that's "statisti-fication": the essentially false creation of a category of figures which gives the viewer a sense of closer competition/tension/suspense/conflict. Which no one or nothing does better than TV. Because it's lying. And TV is where sociopaths and liars can be found hanging out in huge clusters like ripe grapes at a vineyard.

[Eddie Coyle]

 
            As a former degenerate gambler(now just a degenerate) I used to love little stats/factoids in the various gambling guides.

          "The Bengals are 4-0 against the spead and 3-1 straight up against the Falcons"

          They don't tell you those four games were in 1972, 1979, 1986 and 1994.

[Eddie Coyle]

 
         That infomercial for the "Nutribullet" with that squirrelly Jim Rome looking motherfucker.

[Sardondi]

         That infomercial for the "Nutribullet" with that squirrelly sociopath Jim Rome looking motherfucker.

[Eddie Coyle]

           I assent to the judicious editing.