pate/K_Dubb 2024 - "WHO farted in the elevator?"

[pate]

One Hundred Seventy-two, Make Dad Smile On Wednesdays

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"JEWELED ALIEN" : "SPITZ FIREDUST" : METHUSULA PROGENY"
ALLCON:  Be it known that I am officially announcing my 2024 run for re-election!

Greetings, fellow MAPA'ers.  It has been awhile, but know that I have been feverishly, diligently, and quietly  fixing all kinds of shit behind the scenes over the past few years!

Some of the MAPA staff have also been busy as well (you know who you are: some of you might think you are; but you actually aren't.)

First off, a bit of Administrative shit fixing;  K_Dubb, Attend:

I trust that I can depend on you to shirtlessly run with me again this thyme?

If so, you will recall some of the trail balloon KamPain Plancks I have already proposed for the 2024 season:

Renationalization of the the Strategic Helium Reserve in Kansas (*spit*)
A Turkey in Every Cauldron
Standardization by the Food and Drug Administration of Arby's Curly Fries size and portion-sizes

I may not have discussed that last one with you, although I add it hear in consideration of your twin brother.

Apogees for revealing that thing about your brother so abruptly, I haven't revealed his name nor location so it hopefully does not fall under the doxxing restrictions of this new incarnation of BellGab...

As usual we will probably need to find snappier names for some of these new MAPA initiatives:  and I will, as always, lean heavily on you for your poetic stylings;  recall that ACRONYMS are nice, but not strictly necessary.

Other items of consequence are the First Lady thing, the Second Lady-man thing and the filling of other various currently vacant Administrative Positions.

Hear, Musaks:

As always I wish to:

Thank you in Advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO farted in the elevator?"









ediot: I note that bold functionality is sadly lacking, hear?

Code Select Expand

"{b}" & "{/b}"

[K_Dubb]

One Hundred Seventy-two, Make Dad Smile On Wednesdays

Code Select Expand

"JEWELED ALIEN" : "SPITZ FIREDUST" : METHUSULA PROGENY"
ALLCON:  Be it known that I am officially announcing my 2024 run for re-election!

Greetings, fellow MAPA'ers.  It has been awhile, but know that I have been feverishly, diligently, and quietly  fixing all kinds of shit behind the scenes over the past few years!

Some of the MAPA staff have also been busy as well (you know who you are: some of you might think you are; but you actually aren't.)

First off, a bit of Administrative shit fixing;  K_Dubb, Attend:

I trust that I can depend on you to shirtlessly run with me again this thyme?

If so, you will recall some of the trail balloon KamPain Plancks I have already proposed for the 2024 season:

Renationalization of the the Strategic Helium Reserve in Kansas (*spit*)
A Turkey in Every Cauldron
Standardization by the Food and Drug Administration of Arby's Curly Fries size and portion-sizes

I may not have discussed that last one with you, although I add it hear in consideration of your twin brother.

Apogees for revealing that thing about your brother so abruptly, I haven't revealed his name nor location so it hopefully does not fall under the doxxing restrictions of this new incarnation of BellGab...

As usual we will probably need to find snappier names for some of these new MAPA initiatives:  and I will, as always, lean heavily on you for your poetic stylings;  recall that ACRONYMS are nice, but not strictly necessary.

Other items of consequence are the First Lady thing, the Second Lady-man thing and the filling of other various currently vacant Administrative Positions.

Hear, Musaks:

As always I wish to:

Thank you in Advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO farted in the elevator?"









ediot: I note that bold functionality is sadly lacking, hear?

Code Select Expand

"{b}" & "{/b}"

Dear sir,

It is ever my honor to run (shirtless) with you, and to give you a back rub after without even asking      I do vaguely recall something about curly-fries, in anticipation of which I have planned a sonnet.  Inspiration is somewhat wanting as to the main body of the piece but I have settled upon the following resounding couplet:

For equal parts no longer scrutinze!
Let fries be fries, in standard portion size.

(Sonnets are written backwards, as you know, since the point of the thing is at the end.)

As to the first and second ladies, I assure you I will have no truck with this silly modern sensibility that permits "Second Gentlemen" (discreet expectoration here) and though I would not dream of challenging you for Roz (an obvious first choice for Second Lady, in a strictly ceremonial capacity of course) it occurs to me that, before inevitably succumbing to your charms, a ceremonial position would keep her in proximity.

There are various unkind names for this role, and tongues will wag, of course, when she is eventually promoted to First Lady, but she seems a sturdy sort and anyway the nation has a voracious appetite for scandal and this purely superficial hot mess should keep the poor creatures entertained for the duration of your glorious First Term while we titter serenely over cooling beverages on the Truman Balcony.

Yours ever, with deepest affection, kdubb

[pate]

...n the Truman Balcony.

Yours ever, with deepest affection, kdubb

Two Hundred and Four, Four Day Weekend FFS [sic: FSS]

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"SOYLENT PURPLE HAMBURGLAR" : "TRIUMVIRATE ARCH" : "ASS INDENT SEA" : "PLANK, DON'T RUN"
I had quite furgoaten this idea of your's from the past election cycle.  Apogees!

Of course, we will rename that lofty veranda the "Harry S. Truman Capote," for reasons as mysterious as that "S." will remain in hist’ry!

Attend, K_Dubb:

I believe you have mis-splet "affectation."  Of course, far be it from me to korrect yore free speechifying, this is sin.  However, if indeed this is the case:  I shall ignore it, as you are a steadfast friend and confidant.

As per my normal FFS(?) celebrations, I happen to be deep in my cups without an obvious life-preserver;  hopefully I will "Learn to Swim!"

In any case;  Hear Musaks:

Thank you in Advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO farted in the elevator?"

[pate]

Two Hundred Seven, Monday

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"AYE COMM OBLAST" : "METHUSULA PROGENY" : "SPITZ FIREDUST" : "OVER ARCHON" : "EYE DEW"
K_Dubb, Attend:

I have need of your sage political advice.  I am actually loathe to broach this subject, but I imagine the press will eventually corner one or another of us on this issue.

I figure the safest bet on issue is:  one of us takes the pro and the other the con, frankly I do not care which is who between us;  whatever will best secure the highest multiple of the Multi-Vote is the aim, as always.

First off, let me provide an example that may illustrate my deeply held personal conviction on the matter:



I will not attempt to answer the question Baroness Harkonnen's sign asks, that is probably yet another hot potatoe that should probably be left unconsumed on the Banquet Table!

In regards to the Bork-shun question, in Jezebella the Hutt's case, hear;  Absolutely:  she should have an abortion should an unfortunate impregnation occur!  The father of the parasite growing within the sturdy lass should have no say whatsoever in the matter.

Clearly, it would be inhumane and a violation of Human Rights to allow such a pregnancy to continue!

Anyhow, that being said, it might be more in character for me to be the conservative on this issue, as I understand that the type of folk that you will naturally invite to our mutual Banquet Table hold the proposition near and dear to their hearts.

This is the essence of my quandry, my shirtless running mate:  what do we do with this political hot-potatoe?

It might be best that we politely ignore it altogether as if it were a gaseous emanation rudely released in the lift, as it were.

This also leads me to wonder if perhaps the potatoe ration should be restricted from certain, (shall we say family-size?), portions of the population?  I think maybe the Happy Kampers might be able to do without these for a while?

Nautical Shore!

Hear, Muzak:

For your sage, thyme, and open-onion regarding this matter I wish to:

Thank you in Advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO farted in the elevator?"

[K_Dubb]

Two Hundred Seven, Monday

Code Select Expand

"AYE COMM OBLAST" : "METHUSULA PROGENY" : "SPITZ FIREDUST" : "OVER ARCHON" : "EYE DEW"
K_Dubb, Attend:

I have need of your sage political advice.  I am actually loathe to broach this subject, but I imagine the press will eventually corner one or another of us on this issue.

I figure the safest bet on issue is:  one of us takes the pro and the other the con, frankly I do not care which is who between us;  whatever will best secure the highest multiple of the Multi-Vote is the aim, as always.

First off, let me provide an example that may illustrate my deeply held personal conviction on the matter:



I will not attempt to answer the question Baroness Harkonnen's sign asks, that is probably yet another hot potatoe that should probably be left unconsumed on the Banquet Table!

In regards to the Bork-shun question, in Jezebella the Hutt's case, hear;  Absolutely:  she should have an abortion should an unfortunate impregnation occur!  The father of the parasite growing within the sturdy lass should have no say whatsoever in the matter.

Clearly, it would be inhumane and a violation of Human Rights to allow such a pregnancy to continue!

Anyhow, that being said, it might be more in character for me to be the conservative on this issue, as I understand that the type of folk that you will naturally invite to our mutual Banquet Table hold the proposition near and dear to their hearts.

This is the essence of my quandry, my shirtless running mate:  what do we do with this political hot-potatoe?

It might be best that we politely ignore it altogether as if it were a gaseous emanation rudely released in the lift, as it were.

This also leads me to wonder if perhaps the potatoe ration should be restricted from certain, (shall we say family-size?), portions of the population?  I think maybe the Happy Kampers might be able to do without these for a while?

Nautical Shore!

Hear, Muzak:

For your sage, thyme, and open-onion regarding this matter I wish to:

Thank you in Advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO farted in the elevator?"

Dear sir, I fervently hope that the fecundity of that she-beast is purely theoretical due to her (very real  ) power to shrivel any generative organ that comes within striking distance but, in the event that some hardy and desperate ween such as @MDMD's hazards the attempt I am sure the resulting malformed hellspawn would beg to be strangled with its first puny cries.  The braided Amazon behind her, though, is a different matter altogether.

As to the matter in question, I am reliably assured that my not possessing a uterus precludes any opinion whatever and I will happily articulate whatever opinion you find convenient.  Indeed, were personal conviction to enter into it, I could stand by both "Abortion is Murder" and "My Body, My Choice" with perfect equanimity, on alternate days of the week or simultaneously, so as to baffle our foes and drown them in confusion.

If we really must have a plank, perhaps we might consider blending the two:  I have discarded "Abortion is My Choice" as uninteresting, and "Murder My Body" as unnecessarily violent unless uttered in a seductive whisper, but that leaves

"My Body is An Abortion" (most of the country should really line up behind this one if they are being perfectly honest)

and

"Murder is My Choice", which is probably the most accurate assessment of the situation in moral terms.

Well may you blanch at this bloodthirsty battle-cry but as a moral authority we might cite Christ Himself.  I do not refer to the oft-quoted line about millstones (He is not talking about children at all per se if people actually read it) but when He addressed murder directly in the Sermon on the Mount, " Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: But I say unto you,that whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire."  He is not speaking metaphorically here; murder is depressingly common and we should probably get used to it.

By which standard I have probably murdered everyone on this forum at one point or another including you, sir, at several points on the Gabcast when MV was trying to talk and you were making noises in the background, I confess I would gladly have shoved a sock in there and held it, and I beg you will forgive me.

Yours ever, kdubb

[pate]

Two Hundred Eleven, Saturday (FSS Three Day Weekend, FFS)

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"THUNDERDOME LIGHTNING" : "METHUSULA PROGENY" : "SPITZ FIREDUST"

... "My Body is An Abortion" ... and ... "Murder is My Choice" ...

K_Dubb, these are awesome!

I knew I could depend on you to come up with not only one, but two really snappy slogans for this particular KamPain Planck.

In order not to waste one of them, my proposal is that I adopt "Murder is My Choice" for my Political KamPain Stumpery;  leaving you with the equally powerful "My Body is An Abortion" for yours.

Far be it from me to korrect (or otherwise fix shit) your delicate turning of a phrase, but if I might betwixt yore's a touch;  how does:  "My Body is A Bork-Shun" sound?

That has a more distinct MAPA-esque flavor, and you know I am all for bringing that particular flavor to our Banquet Table (as well as delicious plums)!


Your comment about misbegotten offspring that would have "best been strangled at birth" reminds me of another issue that has been plaguing me of late:


My Political Enemies both have suspect, questionable, and/oar otherwise embarrassing children;  a situation I wish to correct.  Since I have, to my knowledge, no natural children of my own:  I am forced to consider a candidate for Presidential Adoption;  of course even though I am somewhat musically inclined I do not wish this Adoption to be Octavian in nature.

This will merely be a strictly Ceremonial Adoption which I will undertake for mine and my People's amusement during the upcoming KamPain and Shadow Administrative cycles (both concurrently and respectively).

In addition to Officially Ignoring this adoptive child's antics, befoulments-of-the-law, and other shenanigans;  I will work closely with Fake Noose and Socialist Networking Organizations to discretely promote the Brand™ of the individual that I adopt.

I want Full and Plausible Deniability of this potential train-wreck adoptive child, to include the extremely prejudicial option of exclusion from inheritance of MAPA properties, titles, and/oar perquisites (to include Plums).

That being said:  I do, in fact;  have a very likely prospect in mind!

Butt first, I would like to hear of any Candy-Dates you might have in mind for this strictly ceremonial position?  Do bear in mind that they will require quite a heavy SeekRutty Detail due to rather extravagant reasons.

Eye have perhaps said two mucks!

Hear, Musaks:

Nautical Shore.

Thank you in Advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO farted in the elevator?"

[K_Dubb]

Two Hundred Eleven, Saturday (FSS Three Day Weekend, FFS)

Code Select Expand

"THUNDERDOME LIGHTNING" : "METHUSULA PROGENY" : "SPITZ FIREDUST"
K_Dubb, these are awesome!

I knew I could depend on you to come up with not only one, but two really snappy slogans for this particular KamPain Planck.

In order not to waste one of them, my proposal is that I adopt "Murder is My Choice" for my Political KamPain Stumpery;  leaving you with the equally powerful "My Body is An Abortion" for yours.

Far be it from me to korrect (or otherwise fix shit) your delicate turning of a phrase, but if I might betwixt yore's a touch;  how does:  "My Body is A Bork-Shun" sound?

That has a more distinct MAPA-esque flavor, and you know I am all for bringing that particular flavor to our Banquet Table (as well as delicious plums)!


Your comment about misbegotten offspring that would have "best been strangled at birth" reminds me of another issue that has been plaguing me of late:


My Political Enemies both have suspect, questionable, and/oar otherwise embarrassing children;  a situation I wish to correct.  Since I have, to my knowledge, no natural children of my own:  I am forced to consider a candidate for Presidential Adoption;  of course even though I am somewhat musically inclined I do not wish this Adoption to be Octavian in nature.

This will merely be a strictly Ceremonial Adoption which I will undertake for mine and my People's amusement during the upcoming KamPain and Shadow Administrative cycles (both concurrently and respectively).

In addition to Officially Ignoring this adoptive child's antics, befoulments-of-the-law, and other shenanigans;  I will work closely with Fake Noose and Socialist Networking Organizations to discretely promote the Brand™ of the individual that I adopt.

I want Full and Plausible Deniability of this potential train-wreck adoptive child, to include the extremely prejudicial option of exclusion from inheritance of MAPA properties, titles, and/oar perquisites (to include Plums).

That being said:  I do, in fact;  have a very likely prospect in mind!

Butt first, I would like to hear of any Candy-Dates you might have in mind for this strictly ceremonial position?  Do bear in mind that they will require quite a heavy SeekRutty Detail due to rather extravagant reasons.

Eye have perhaps said two mucks!

Hear, Musaks:

Nautical Shore.

Thank you in Advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO farted in the elevator?"

Dear sir, I am delighted that my efforts have pleased you and accept your emendaton without reservation. I agree that "My Body Is An Abortion" is a natural fit for the Fat Kamps, it can be emblazoned across the gates in the place where "Kamp Kakalakawaka" would usually go.

As to adopted wayward progeny I am sure we are thinking along the same lines, Yakstar's clouds of blow, questionable sexual tastes, and pendulous moobs would give the current office-holder a run for his money and his interminable missives would bedevil our foes and generate copious fodder for the conspiracy-minded to comb through seeking in vain for a meaning.  You could hide bribery and corruption and a full-scale PLA invasion plan for Taiwan and the subversion of Western democracy in those things and no one would be the wiser!

Yours ever, kdubb

[pate]

Two Hundred Fifty-three, FFS Three Day Weekend, FFS

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"JEWELED ALIEN" : "THUNDERDOME LIGHTINING" : "TRIUMVIRATE ARCH" : "AYE COMM OBLAST" : "PLANK, DON'T RUN"
Toady, I am pleased to announce yet another efficient, frugal, and expeditious MAPA initiative.  The Official Acronym still needs to be worked out for maximum impact;  the working title for this new program is the "Road Closure Fine Schedule Initiative For A Better Tomorrow";  it could also be "...For The Children":  the Focus Group will let us know which one is snappier, and what final form the name will take.

This is a very simple program, a Fee Schedule (or "Shit List) will be drawn up, which will levy fines associated with Time Wasted on Closures of Public Thouroughfares.  Primarily, this will affect Civil Engineering Contractors and will assist in streamlining various Public Work Contract Timelines they may (or may not) be actively engaged in.

These fines, fees, and/or remunerations will be levied at the time of completion of any given Public Works Contract:  less my 25% cut;  you can take that to the Bank!

This Federal Fee will be charged By The Minute, I have worked out a rough approximation of the aggregate economic cost of Public Thouroughfare Closures to be on the order of $100.00(USD)/minute.  This is a conservative estimate of course, that actual economic cost of these "temporary" road closures is very probably much higher.

That amount works out to:  $6k(USD)/hour, $144k(USD)/day, ~$1mil(USD)/week, ~$4.3mil(USD)/month (standardized 29-day lunar month), & ~$52.5mil(USD)/year (for both leap and standard years.  These numbers are quite low when compared to how much the average Public Works Project costs the tax-payer in time, money, and medical bills for Construction Induced Migraines.

It will also encourage timely completion of Public Works Projects that affect the usability of Public Thouroughfares!

No longer will those annoying holes in the streets linger for months on end surrounded by orange cones, detour signage, and idle construction equipment!  Those lazy civil engineer bastiges will be seen working very hard to Fix That Shit™, and it doesn't get much more MAPA than that, Jax!

This will also create, at minimum, thousands of new, lucrative, and exciting Federal Jobs.  A veritable army of Official Road Closure Timekeepers will be needed to descend on any and all work sites like a pack of hungry locusts to document every single minute my adoring people are inconvenienced, hampererd, and bedeviled by unnecessary road closures.  I figure, we can pay these timekeepers at minimum $20-25/hr (which should be on-par with the prevailing Union Wages the average Civil Engineering Worker-types enjoy).

I envision the standard equipment these Official Timekeepers will have, to be (or not):  Orange Safety Vest, Hard Hat, Safety Glasses, Hour Glasses (calibrated in One Minute, One Hour and One Day durations), A Bell And Striker (To Officially Mark The Passage of EACH AND EVERY MINUTE a road is closed), Hearing Protection, &c (this list is amusingly long and quite full of shit)...

To emphasize the importance of this newest MAPA KamPain Planck I have interspersed Muzaks (each of which belong on one of the many Lists we have for Muzaks) above for the reader's listening pleasure.

Thank you in Advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO shat in the interregnum?" & "WHO farted in the elevator?"

[Dr. MD MD]

I say it was you who farted, pate because whoever smelt it dealt it.

[pate]

I say it was you who farted, pate:  because whomever smelt it;  dealt it.

^fify, colon required, & other errors^



My loyal and shirtless running-mate will surely politely ignore this noxious emission, Master Trollda!

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO shat in the interregnum?"

[Jackstar]

https://youtu.be/fOgwQLpz2KE

^fify, [...] x.php?action=profile;u=4"]Master Trollda[/url]!

You're trying too hard; ergo, this is Not_Trollda. Thus, New_pate must be Old_Trollda. Quot ettractium demonstratum.

#iWi|\|∆|/|<M>|<

[pate]

Methamphetamine abuse is not MAPA;  I have a List that all meth-abusing Shits are on: you can take that to the Bank, JaxTard!

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO shat in the interregnum?"

[Dr. MD MD]

^fify, colon required, & other errors^



My loyal and shirtless running-mate will surely politely ignore this noxious emission, Master Trollda!

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO shat in the interregnum?"

^fify, colon required, & other errors^



My loyal and shirtless running-mate will surely politely ignore this noxious emission, Master Trollda!

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO shat in the interregnum?"

Don't doxx me, bro. 

[K_Dubb]

I assure you, I did not smell a thing.

Sir, must I wait until the conclusion of your Glorious Hundred Days to fuck the Swedes, or may I begin now?

Yours faithfully,
kdubb

[Juan]

President Pate
Don't forget the requisite number of no show and no work jobs.

[Jackstar]

You cannot view this attachment.

abuse

You make a lot of assumptions. You also do a lot of (blank). What the (blank) is your problem?

You have annoyed me, lady; and just for that I'm not going to polish & publish my podcast. Fuck off. You don't even get a debrief. Eat shit, hoser.

[pate]

You should make the switch to fentanyl, for the children.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO shat in the interregnum?"

[Yorkshire pud]

President Pate
Don't forget the requisite number of no show and no work jobs.

I assure you, I did not smell a thing.

Sir, must I wait until the conclusion of your Glorious Hundred Days to fuck the Swedes, or may I begin now?

Yours faithfully,
kdubb

The Swedes are a noble race, stymied somewhat by the sinking of 'Wasa' on her maiden voyage. However they came through with Saab and Volvo motorcars. Volvo it shouldn't be forgotten furnishing the entire industry with the airbag, of which they never requested royalties. Saab (ahh, I still feel the catapult linear propulsion of that full Garret turboe'd none cat, 2.0 CD 9000 Carlsson (one of only 10 made in that configuration)..

But I digress; latterly and only recently declassified, a flight of Saab Viggens came to the rescue of  crippled SR71 over the Baltic Sea. An engine down the Blackbird dropped considerable altitude and speed and was easy prey to a brace of Migs that had been dispatched to 'persuade' the crew to land in the then SU or be shot down.

The Viggens, at the time in the middle of an excercise and fully armed (as you do), threw on the coal and escorted the striken unarmed reconnaissence plane, and it is said rolled away from the Migs to give them a good look at the armament beneath their wings before assuming their escort positions. The Migs, presumably not wishing to initiate 'an incident' with the Swedes AND the USAF, themselves rolled away and headed home.

They stayed with her until she was over NATO territory until landing safely in Germany.

Several years later, the former crew of the SR71 and the Swedish pilots met for the first time, and the Swedes awarded US gallantry medals.. it had been secret all those years.

[Dr. MD MD]

The Swedes are a noble race, stymied somewhat by the sinking of 'Wasa' on her maiden voyage. However they came through with Saab and Volvo motorcars. Volvo it shouldn't be forgotten furnishing the entire industry with the airbag, of which they never requested royalties. Saab (ahh, I still feel the catapult linear propulsion of that full Garret turboe'd none cat, 2.0 CD 9000 Carlsson (one of only 10 made in that configuration)..

But I digress; latterly and only recently declassified, a flight of Saab Viggens came to the rescue of  crippled SR71 over the Baltic Sea. An engine down the Blackbird dropped considerable altitude and speed and was easy prey to a brace of Migs that had been dispatched to 'persuade' the crew to land in the then SU or be shot down.

The Viggens, at the time in the middle of an excercise and fully armed (as you do), threw on the coal and escorted the striken unarmed reconnaissence plane, and it is said rolled away from the Migs to give them a good look at the armament beneath their wings before assuming their escort positions. The Migs, presumably not wishing to initiate 'an incident' with the Swedes AND the USAF, themselves rolled away and headed home.

They stayed with her until she was over NATO territory until landing safely in Germany.

Several years later, the former crew of the SR71 and the Swedish pilots met for the first time, and the Swedes awarded US gallantry medals.. it had been secret all those years.

The Swedes are a noble race, stymied somewhat by the sinking of 'Wasa' on her maiden voyage. However they came through with Saab and Volvo motorcars. Volvo it shouldn't be forgotten furnishing the entire industry with the airbag, of which they never requested royalties. Saab (ahh, I still feel the catapult linear propulsion of that full Garret turboe'd none cat, 2.0 CD 9000 Carlsson (one of only 10 made in that configuration)..

But I digress; latterly and only recently declassified, a flight of Saab Viggens came to the rescue of  crippled SR71 over the Baltic Sea. An engine down the Blackbird dropped considerable altitude and speed and was easy prey to a brace of Migs that had been dispatched to 'persuade' the crew to land in the then SU or be shot down.

The Viggens, at the time in the middle of an excercise and fully armed (as you do), threw on the coal and escorted the striken unarmed reconnaissence plane, and it is said rolled away from the Migs to give them a good look at the armament beneath their wings before assuming their escort positions. The Migs, presumably not wishing to initiate 'an incident' with the Swedes AND the USAF, themselves rolled away and headed home.

They stayed with her until she was over NATO territory until landing safely in Germany.

Several years later, the former crew of the SR71 and the Swedish pilots met for the first time, and the Swedes awarded US gallantry medals.. it had been secret all those years.

You forgot to mention Trump in this post. What a letdown!

[Yorkshire pud]

You forgot to mention Trump in this post. What a letdown!

But predictable. Neither he nor his spawn would muster either the intelligence, fortitude or courage to engage in anything so low market (in his esteem) as serving in the military: though it's rumoured Jr wanted to but Snr told him he'd be a loser if he did.

Indeed, Snr has expressed disdain for dead and imprisoned soldiers, sailors and airmen and women.

So no, he wasn't mentioned because he isn't fit to be put in the same paragraph or sentence as those aircrew where gallantry is mentioned.

[Dr. MD MD]

But predictable. Neither he nor his spawn would muster either the intelligence, fortitude or courage to engage in anything so low market (in his esteem) as serving in the military: though it's rumoured Jr wanted to but Snr told him he'd be a loser if he did.

Indeed, Snr has expressed disdain for dead and imprisoned soldiers, sailors and airmen and women.

So no, he wasn't mentioned because he isn't fit to be put in the same paragraph or sentence as those aircrew where gallantry is mentioned.

Stolen valor.

[Yorkshire pud]

Stolen valor.

Eh? He doesn't even pretend to have been in the military: if he did one might sympathise, but he is worse. He called it 'his' while simultainiously calling the fallen losers and suckers.

He has no redeeming qualities: him and his spawn stole money gifted to children with cancer. He had a few of his golfing buddies run the VA, of which they promptly creamed off.

He cynically had the widow of a Navy SEAL attend his first SOU address; the mission of which her husband died in, drump absolved himself all responsibility, even though he gave the go ahead.

Drump is shit. He and his cult are shit. They are the lowest of humanity. That they still support that effluent, that rancid septic boil says more about them then him. He can't help some of his psychosis, they are either too stupid to recognise it or complicit.

[Dr. MD MD]

Eh? He doesn't even pretend to have been in the military: if he did one might sympathise, but he is worse. He called it 'his' while simultainiously calling the fallen losers and suckers.

He has no redeeming qualities: him and his spawn stole money gifted to children with cancer. He had a few of his golfing buddies run the VA, of which they promptly creamed off.

He cynically had the widow of a Navy SEAL attend his first SOU address; the mission of which her husband died in, drump absolved himself all responsibility, even though he gave the go ahead.

Drump is shit. He and his cult are shit. They are the lowest of humanity. That they still support that effluent, that rancid septic boil says more about them then him. He can't help some of his psychosis, they are either too stupid to recognise it or complicit.

Weird, that's exactly how I feel about you.

[pate]

I assure you, I did not smell a thing.

Sir, must I wait until the conclusion of your Glorious Hundred Days to fuck the Swedes, or may I begin now?

Yours faithfully,
kdubb

I seem to have forgotten to answer this question;  it is certainly the duty of all MAPA operatives (in whatever capacity they serve, as an additional aside:  I note that "what" is an anagram of "hawt," I digress) to Fuck Swedes at every available opportunity.

Hear, techno-Muzaks:

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO farted in the elevator?"

[pate]

Two Hundred Seventy-seven, Terrible Tuesday

Code Select Expand

"THUNDERDOME LIGHTNING" : "JEWELED ALIEN" : "PLANK, DON'T RUN" : "ASS INDENT SEA"

Oh poor Hoagie, is he living in a mouse-infested hovel just watching them move crumbs around?  He needs a live-in producer to abuse, and to sweep.

No, no more drilling for corporate profit, does not help gas price since prices are fixed internationally bu the cartel, they just profiteer off the regular folks.  That should be crystal clear to everyone now.

Needs to be managed for the people like Alaska's permanent fund or Norway's.  I had high hopes that a right-wing populist president would take on big corporations like TR and work something like that out, that is the only real excuse for that kind of thing, busting monopolies like tech/entertainment and natural-resource and whatever Amazon is now, but he showed no appetite for either, just gave away the farm like typical golf-club Republican...

Indeed, I believe we can fit this into the "Re-Nationalization of the Strategic Helium Reserve" program.  The Helium gas is sometimes found in the liquid petroleum deposits as well, although perhaps not in as high of a %mol as one finds it in the natural gas fields.

I think in order to properly Administrate this program for myour people, we will need to have 25% of the profitsgross sales of this vital national resource deposited into a Private Account held by the current (me) holder of the Office of the POTUS.

K_Dubb;  I have discovered (as I have already pointed out to you via secure comm channels) that in addition to the current CrySis affecting the world-wide futures markets of both "Plums" and "Helium Gas" the price of "Carbon Dioxide Gas" is also experiencing a exponential upheaval.  I direct your attention to the following article:

Running On Fumes — CO2 Shortages, Higher Prices Add to Breweries' Rising Costs

As you are probably already well aware, CO2 gas is a by-product of the process of turning Natural Gas into Ammonia-based Fertilizers:

C(n)H(2n+2)(g) + 2H(2)O(g) + N(2)(g)  --> CO(2)(g) + 2NH(4)(g)

Which also jeopardizes our "Only Good Beer" and "Basic Lawn Maintenance" initiatives.

The adult-diapered fool of an usurper currently sitting in Warshington, DC simply must be deposed by whatever means necessary so that we may "Fix Shit."

The National Economic Situation is dire indeed and only looks to get worse with such feckless "Leadership" (I hesitate to use that term).  Some may think the nation dodged a bullet by fraudulently deposing the former occu-pant, but it seems to me that in dodging that "bullet" we have, as a Nation, landed upon a "hand-grenade" which is arguably worse than a mere bullet-wound in most cases...

This should not overshadow our clear unanimous victory two years ago, I have lost track whether that be merely a single incident of out-right theft, or if it was indeed two incidents of theft?  We all know my views on the Punishment allotted to Felonious Thievery, which is certainly un-Pardonable.

This talk depresses me somewhat.

Hear, Muzaks:

Thank you in Advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO shat in the interregnum?""

[K_Dubb]

This talk depresses me somewhat.

Oh sir, do cheer up!  Forgive me, I have been remiss in checking the Sekrut Comms line as, given your leave, there are so many Swedes to fuck.  I see no difficulty at all in your modest proposal for grafting off the National Helium Reserve; it pales in comparison with your predecessors' efforts, and will serve to secure the PFDRP.  Once the people discover my pans for helium sequestration involve a large inflatable Trump-head tethered somewhere in Kansas or Nebraska I may need to seek refuge from the mob in your sanctuary.

[albrecht]

Two Hundred Seventy-seven, Terrible Tuesday

Code Select Expand

"THUNDERDOME LIGHTNING" : "JEWELED ALIEN" : "PLANK, DON'T RUN" : "ASS INDENT SEA"Indeed, I believe we can fit this into the "Re-Nationalization of the Strategic Helium Reserve" program.  The Helium gas is sometimes found in the liquid petroleum deposits as well, although perhaps not in as high of a %mol as one finds it in the natural gas fields.

I think in order to properly Administrate this program for myour people, we will need to have 25% of the profitsgross sales of this vital national resource deposited into a Private Account held by the current (me) holder of the Office of the POTUS.

K_Dubb;  I have discovered (as I have already pointed out to you via secure comm channels) that in addition to the current CrySis affecting the world-wide futures markets of both "Plums" and "Helium Gas" the price of "Carbon Dioxide Gas" is also experiencing a exponential upheaval.  I direct your attention to the following article:

Running On Fumes — CO2 Shortages, Higher Prices Add to Breweries' Rising Costs

As you are probably already well aware, CO2 gas is a by-product of the process of turning Natural Gas into Ammonia-based Fertilizers:

C(n)H(2n+2)(g) + 2H(2)O(g) + N(2)(g)  --> CO(2)(g) + 2NH(4)(g)

Which also jeopardizes our "Only Good Beer" and "Basic Lawn Maintenance" initiatives.

The adult-diapered fool of an usurper currently sitting in Warshington, DC simply must be deposed by whatever means necessary so that we may "Fix Shit."

The National Economic Situation is dire indeed and only looks to get worse with such feckless "Leadership" (I hesitate to use that term).  Some may think the nation dodged a bullet by fraudulently deposing the former occu-pant, but it seems to me that in dodging that "bullet" we have, as a Nation, landed upon a "hand-grenade" which is arguably worse than a mere bullet-wound in most cases...

This should not overshadow our clear unanimous victory two years ago, I have lost track whether that be merely a single incident of out-right theft, or if it was indeed two incidents of theft?  We all know my views on the Punishment allotted to Felonious Thievery, which is certainly un-Pardonable.

This talk depresses me somewhat.

Hear, Muzaks:

Thank you in Advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO shat in the interregnum?""

https://www.gsa.gov/real-estate/real-estate-services/real-property-utilization-disposal/property-sales/federal-helium-system-at-cliffside

This includes other mineral rights and a pipeline! In addition to the helium, buildings, equipment, etc. Jump on this before China does!

[pate]

https://www.gsa.gov/real-estate/real-estate-services/real-property-utilization-disposal/property-sales/federal-helium-system-at-cliffside

This includes other mineral rights and a pipeline! In addition to the helium, buildings, equipment, etc. Jump on this before China does!

I am well aware of that, it has been "For Sale" for some thyme now.  I am surprised that neither the Chinese, nor any other foreign interest has yet seized upon the deal.

Must not be much of a "Deal," I suspect typical gov't mismanagement and typical lack of upkeep have resulted in a property that would cost too much to get into functional (and profitable) status.

I would jump on it merely as a labor of love were I well-heeled enough to satisfy the asking price.  A more normal (non-gov't Commercial/Industrial Owner to Commercial/Industrial Owner) sale, would be for $0.01 due to the vast infrastructure investment required to get the property up and running in a commercially viable status.

TheyThe hobo elite frequently engage in such deals as they involve Outstanding "Mortage" Loan Balances that render the original owner insolvent, and is done as a sort of "favor" from one businesspersonman to businesspersonman.

This would "Not Fly" in a gov't to private sale, of course, as it would smack of a "Sweetheart/Insider" deal which is not Kosher, and due to the nature of it not being economically feasible.  Hence, the property continues to moulder, degrade, and otherwise devalue as it awaits a buyer...

Sad really.

-p

ediot:  Don't get me started at the current inflated dollar and how that could affect the Business Acumen involved in a purchase of that Nature

[albrecht]

I am well aware of that, it has been "For Sale" for some thyme now.  I am surprised that neither the Chinese, nor any other foreign interest has yet seized upon the deal.

Must not be much of a "Deal," I suspect typical gov't mismanagement and typical lack of upkeep have resulted in a property that would cost too much to get into functional (and profitable) status.

I would jump on it merely as a labor of love were I well-heeled enough to satisfy the asking price.  A more normal (non-gov't Commercial/Industrial Owner to Commercial/Industrial Owner) sale, would be for $0.01 due to the vast infrastructure investment required to get the property up and running in a commercially viable status.

TheyThe hobo elite frequently engage in such deals as they involve Outstanding "Mortage" Loan Balances that render the original owner insolvent, and is done as a sort of "favor" from one businesspersonman to businesspersonman.

This would "Not Fly" in a gov't to private sale, of course, as it would smack of a "Sweetheart/Insider" deal which is not Kosher, and due to the nature of it not being economically feasible.  Hence, the property continues to moulder, degrade, and otherwise devalue as it awaits a buyer...

Sad really.

-p

ediot:  Don't get me started at the current inflated dollar and how that could affect the Business Acumen involved in a purchase of that Nature

Yeah, I could see them just trying to offload whatever superfund-type of site to someone. Although helium is a noble gas who knows what else went on there. One notes that radon is also noble, but has daughters!, causes cancer and associated prices in real estate transactions or construction in some places.

[pate]

Two Hundred Ninety-two, Make Dad Smile On Wednesday

Code Select Expand

"SOYLENT PURPLE HAMBURGLAR" : "TRIUMVIRATE ARCH" : "EYE DEW" : "METHUSULA PROGENY" : "AYE COMM OBLAST"
Classification: FOCUO

ALLCON,

There are two items on the agenda in these last few weeks before the 2022 Mid-term elections.  I believe the die is cast with that: interestingly I always thought of casts and dies as they relate to metallurgy with that old "alea iacta est" saw;  I suppose something is lost in the translation. 

Nautical Shore.

Today, I want to propose that the "WHO shat in the interregnum" & "WHO farted in the elevator" KamPain slogans be abandoned as soon as the fraudulent results of the MidTerms are released.  Hopefully NLT three days after the polls close, but we will monitor that as it unfolds.

This may provide some insight on how we might better manipulate the Multi-Vote for the 2024 Presidential election and end up with the lion's share of fraudulent votes.

What is of interest to me, and K_Dubb as well, is what aggregate portion of the Multi-Vote will write in "pate/K_Dubb" for any and all offices (local/county{PARISH}/federal) presented on their local ballots.  I think we can use this information to better focus our grass-roots KamPain events in FY2023-FY2024.  I imagine this information will be difficult to obtain, as write-in information is not readily tabulated:  At least not in the low numbers that I expect for the 2022 Mid-Terms. 

We might stash a few pre-filled out Mail-In Ballots nearby to the polling places to test site security in a few select locations in order to distribute them to those voters who might still be wary of in-person voting due to CornHoleEbola-19.5 concerns.

That might game our aggregate data a bit, but we can have the Statisticians correct for that in the projections.

Speaking of Games, that leads me naturally into the new KamPain slogan I have been thinking about:

"pate is not afraid to step up to the plate!"

This occurred to me watching the ongoing World Series Playoffs:  which I am not to interested in this year;  although a Houston/San Diego Series might be watchable.

I would love to watch some fun inter-league games.  I have been pondering the amusement value of watching, for instance;  the Little League World Series champions face off against the Minor and/or Major League World Series champions.

Something about playing "out of your league" amuses me.  Hell, even get the Special Olympics World Series champions in there:  that'd be a hoot!

I think that gets the fun topic out of the way, now for something serious that may have consequences for the 2024 KamPain:

It has recently been brought to my attention that both myself and my running mate are accuesed of digital rapery (or at minimum, digital gropery).  It is sad to find out that in this age of censored online speech, trusted sources, and verified accounts that such forceful digital penetration of psyches on unwilling and perfectly innocent victims could possibly occur.

Anyone who has watched "The Matrix" knows that things that happen digitally can have real world effects:

While I vehemently assert my innocence, and assume K_Dubb's:  we all know that the Victim determines the percieved Crime/Criminal.  PoundSignMeToo!

Unfortunately, BellGab;  one of the last bastions of freedom and the MAPA way:  is allegedly the site of this digital rapery.

Victims should not be forced to visit only the abysmal hells of places like EllGab, Twatter, FakebookMeta, et al for safe spaces.

I demand heavy censorship, moderation, and outright deletion of any and all posts that might cause anyone forced to visit this site to experience mental discomfort!  PoundSignMeToo!

This will probably free up some space on the BellGab servers for more Cat Pictures, Inoffensive Non-sequitors, and Random Amusing (G-rated) Vidya postings with no text.

I realize this is ugliness that we normally would not expect to see this close to a National Election, and I fear it is the dreaded October Surprise for the MAPA KamPain.

The best bet, right now, is to get out there and Step Up To The Plate and knock this nonesense out of the park.

After a full investigation of course:  I am calling for a non-partisan, fair-minded, and MAPA-approved Independent Counsel to step forward and head up this investigation.

I believe, the 4D chess-moves (so far) are:

White    Red
d4        e6
N-c3      Q-f6

White Knight to move...

I will not identify the players in this match due to the impending investigation by the soon to be appointed Independent Counsel.

We can no longer afford to politely ignore farts in elevators, even if they are digital farts in digital elevators.

Now, that I have dealt with that, Hear Muzaks:

I may send out the individual November KamPain Talking Points Memo early, I have some notes on 5G-Go gamesmanship (or gameswomanship, if you prefer) and the current scores, which some of you might find surprising!

Thank you in Advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"pate is not afraid to step up to the plate!"