pate/K_Dubb 2024 - "WHO farted in the elevator?"

Started by pate, July 21, 2022, 12:52:05 PM

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pate

One Hundred Seventy-two, Make Dad Smile On Wednesdays
"JEWELED ALIEN" : "SPITZ FIREDUST" : METHUSULA PROGENY"
ALLCON:  Be it known that I am officially announcing my 2024 run for re-election!

Greetings, fellow MAPA'ers.  It has been awhile, but know that I have been feverishly, diligently, and quietly  fixing all kinds of shit behind the scenes over the past few years!

Some of the MAPA staff have also been busy as well (you know who you are: some of you might think you are; but you actually aren't.)

First off, a bit of Administrative shit fixing;  K_Dubb, Attend:

I trust that I can depend on you to shirtlessly run with me again this thyme?

If so, you will recall some of the trail balloon KamPain Plancks I have already proposed for the 2024 season:

    Renationalization of the the Strategic Helium Reserve in Kansas (*spit*)
    A Turkey in Every Cauldron
    Standardization by the Food and Drug Administration of Arby's Curly Fries size and portion-sizes

I may not have discussed that last one with you, although I add it hear in consideration of your twin brother.

Apogees for revealing that thing about your brother so abruptly, I haven't revealed his name nor location so it hopefully does not fall under the doxxing restrictions of this new incarnation of BellGab...

As usual we will probably need to find snappier names for some of these new MAPA initiatives:  and I will, as always, lean heavily on you for your poetic stylings;  recall that ACRONYMS are nice, but not strictly necessary.

Other items of consequence are the First Lady thing, the Second Lady-man thing and the filling of other various currently vacant Administrative Positions.

Hear, Musaks:


As always I wish to:

Thank you in Advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO farted in the elevator?"










ediot: I note that bold functionality is sadly lacking, hear?
"{b}" & "{/b}"

K_Dubb

Quote from: pate on July 21, 2022, 12:52:05 PMOne Hundred Seventy-two, Make Dad Smile On Wednesdays
"JEWELED ALIEN" : "SPITZ FIREDUST" : METHUSULA PROGENY"
ALLCON:  Be it known that I am officially announcing my 2024 run for re-election!

Greetings, fellow MAPA'ers.  It has been awhile, but know that I have been feverishly, diligently, and quietly  fixing all kinds of shit behind the scenes over the past few years!

Some of the MAPA staff have also been busy as well (you know who you are: some of you might think you are; but you actually aren't.)

First off, a bit of Administrative shit fixing;  K_Dubb, Attend:

I trust that I can depend on you to shirtlessly run with me again this thyme?

If so, you will recall some of the trail balloon KamPain Plancks I have already proposed for the 2024 season:

    Renationalization of the the Strategic Helium Reserve in Kansas (*spit*)
    A Turkey in Every Cauldron
    Standardization by the Food and Drug Administration of Arby's Curly Fries size and portion-sizes

I may not have discussed that last one with you, although I add it hear in consideration of your twin brother.

Apogees for revealing that thing about your brother so abruptly, I haven't revealed his name nor location so it hopefully does not fall under the doxxing restrictions of this new incarnation of BellGab...

As usual we will probably need to find snappier names for some of these new MAPA initiatives:  and I will, as always, lean heavily on you for your poetic stylings;  recall that ACRONYMS are nice, but not strictly necessary.

Other items of consequence are the First Lady thing, the Second Lady-man thing and the filling of other various currently vacant Administrative Positions.

Hear, Musaks:


As always I wish to:

Thank you in Advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO farted in the elevator?"










ediot: I note that bold functionality is sadly lacking, hear?
"{b}" & "{/b}"

Dear sir,

It is ever my honor to run (shirtless) with you, and to give you a back rub after without even asking   :-\   I do vaguely recall something about curly-fries, in anticipation of which I have planned a sonnet.  Inspiration is somewhat wanting as to the main body of the piece but I have settled upon the following resounding couplet:

For equal parts no longer scrutinze!
Let fries be fries, in standard portion size.

(Sonnets are written backwards, as you know, since the point of the thing is at the end.)

As to the first and second ladies, I assure you I will have no truck with this silly modern sensibility that permits "Second Gentlemen" (discreet expectoration here) and though I would not dream of challenging you for Roz (an obvious first choice for Second Lady, in a strictly ceremonial capacity of course) it occurs to me that, before inevitably succumbing to your charms, a ceremonial position would keep her in proximity.

There are various unkind names for this role, and tongues will wag, of course, when she is eventually promoted to First Lady, but she seems a sturdy sort and anyway the nation has a voracious appetite for scandal and this purely superficial hot mess should keep the poor creatures entertained for the duration of your glorious First Term while we titter serenely over cooling beverages on the Truman Balcony.

Yours ever, with deepest affection, kdubb

pate

Quote from: K_Dubb on July 21, 2022, 02:12:42 PM...n the Truman Balcony.

Yours ever, with deepest affection, kdubb
Two Hundred and Four, Four Day Weekend FFS [sic: FSS]
"SOYLENT PURPLE HAMBURGLAR" : "TRIUMVIRATE ARCH" : "ASS INDENT SEA" : "PLANK, DON'T RUN"
I had quite furgoaten this idea of your's from the past election cycle.  Apogees!

Of course, we will rename that lofty veranda the "Harry S. Truman Capote," for reasons as mysterious as that "S." will remain in hist’ry!

Attend, K_Dubb:

I believe you have mis-splet "affectation."  Of course, far be it from me to korrect yore free speechifying, this is sin.  However, if indeed this is the case:  I shall ignore it, as you are a steadfast friend and confidant.

As per my normal FFS(?) celebrations, I happen to be deep in my cups without an obvious life-preserver;  hopefully I will "Learn to Swim!"

In any case;  Hear Musaks:



Thank you in Advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO farted in the elevator?"

pate

Two Hundred Seven, Monday "AYE COMM OBLAST" : "METHUSULA PROGENY" : "SPITZ FIREDUST" : "OVER ARCHON" : "EYE DEW"
K_Dubb, Attend:

I have need of your sage political advice.  I am actually loathe to broach this subject, but I imagine the press will eventually corner one or another of us on this issue.

I figure the safest bet on issue is:  one of us takes the pro and the other the con, frankly I do not care which is who between us;  whatever will best secure the highest multiple of the Multi-Vote is the aim, as always.

First off, let me provide an example that may illustrate my deeply held personal conviction on the matter:



I will not attempt to answer the question Baroness Harkonnen's sign asks, that is probably yet another hot potatoe that should probably be left unconsumed on the Banquet Table!

In regards to the Bork-shun question, in Jezebella the Hutt's case, hear;  Absolutely:  she should have an abortion should an unfortunate impregnation occur!  The father of the parasite growing within the sturdy lass should have no say whatsoever in the matter.

Clearly, it would be inhumane and a violation of Human Rights to allow such a pregnancy to continue!

Anyhow, that being said, it might be more in character for me to be the conservative on this issue, as I understand that the type of folk that you will naturally invite to our mutual Banquet Table hold the proposition near and dear to their hearts.

This is the essence of my quandry, my shirtless running mate:  what do we do with this political hot-potatoe?

It might be best that we politely ignore it altogether as if it were a gaseous emanation rudely released in the lift, as it were.

This also leads me to wonder if perhaps the potatoe ration should be restricted from certain, (shall we say family-size?), portions of the population?  I think maybe the Happy Kampers might be able to do without these for a while?

Nautical Shore!

Hear, Muzak:


For your sage, thyme, and open-onion regarding this matter I wish to:

Thank you in Advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO farted in the elevator?"

K_Dubb

Quote from: pate on July 26, 2022, 07:24:10 PMTwo Hundred Seven, Monday
"AYE COMM OBLAST" : "METHUSULA PROGENY" : "SPITZ FIREDUST" : "OVER ARCHON" : "EYE DEW"
K_Dubb, Attend:

I have need of your sage political advice.  I am actually loathe to broach this subject, but I imagine the press will eventually corner one or another of us on this issue.

I figure the safest bet on issue is:  one of us takes the pro and the other the con, frankly I do not care which is who between us;  whatever will best secure the highest multiple of the Multi-Vote is the aim, as always.

First off, let me provide an example that may illustrate my deeply held personal conviction on the matter:



I will not attempt to answer the question Baroness Harkonnen's sign asks, that is probably yet another hot potatoe that should probably be left unconsumed on the Banquet Table!

In regards to the Bork-shun question, in Jezebella the Hutt's case, hear;  Absolutely:  she should have an abortion should an unfortunate impregnation occur!  The father of the parasite growing within the sturdy lass should have no say whatsoever in the matter.

Clearly, it would be inhumane and a violation of Human Rights to allow such a pregnancy to continue!

Anyhow, that being said, it might be more in character for me to be the conservative on this issue, as I understand that the type of folk that you will naturally invite to our mutual Banquet Table hold the proposition near and dear to their hearts.

This is the essence of my quandry, my shirtless running mate:  what do we do with this political hot-potatoe?

It might be best that we politely ignore it altogether as if it were a gaseous emanation rudely released in the lift, as it were.

This also leads me to wonder if perhaps the potatoe ration should be restricted from certain, (shall we say family-size?), portions of the population?  I think maybe the Happy Kampers might be able to do without these for a while?

Nautical Shore!

Hear, Muzak:


For your sage, thyme, and open-onion regarding this matter I wish to:

Thank you in Advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO farted in the elevator?"

Dear sir, I fervently hope that the fecundity of that she-beast is purely theoretical due to her (very real  :-\ ) power to shrivel any generative organ that comes within striking distance but, in the event that some hardy and desperate ween such as @MDMD's hazards the attempt I am sure the resulting malformed hellspawn would beg to be strangled with its first puny cries.  The braided Amazon behind her, though, is a different matter altogether.

As to the matter in question, I am reliably assured that my not possessing a uterus precludes any opinion whatever and I will happily articulate whatever opinion you find convenient.  Indeed, were personal conviction to enter into it, I could stand by both "Abortion is Murder" and "My Body, My Choice" with perfect equanimity, on alternate days of the week or simultaneously, so as to baffle our foes and drown them in confusion.

If we really must have a plank, perhaps we might consider blending the two:  I have discarded "Abortion is My Choice" as uninteresting, and "Murder My Body" as unnecessarily violent unless uttered in a seductive whisper, but that leaves

"My Body is An Abortion" (most of the country should really line up behind this one if they are being perfectly honest)

and

"Murder is My Choice", which is probably the most accurate assessment of the situation in moral terms.

Well may you blanch at this bloodthirsty battle-cry but as a moral authority we might cite Christ Himself.  I do not refer to the oft-quoted line about millstones (He is not talking about children at all per se if people actually read it) but when He addressed murder directly in the Sermon on the Mount, " Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: But I say unto you,that whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire."  He is not speaking metaphorically here; murder is depressingly common and we should probably get used to it.

By which standard I have probably murdered everyone on this forum at one point or another including you, sir, at several points on the Gabcast when MV was trying to talk and you were making noises in the background, I confess I would gladly have shoved a sock in there and held it, and I beg you will forgive me.

Yours ever, kdubb

pate

Two Hundred Eleven, Saturday (FSS Three Day Weekend, FFS) "THUNDERDOME LIGHTNING" : "METHUSULA PROGENY" : "SPITZ FIREDUST"
Quote from: K_Dubb on July 26, 2022, 11:46:18 PM... "My Body is An Abortion" ... and ... "Murder is My Choice" ...


K_Dubb, these are awesome!

I knew I could depend on you to come up with not only one, but two really snappy slogans for this particular KamPain Planck.

In order not to waste one of them, my proposal is that I adopt "Murder is My Choice" for my Political KamPain Stumpery;  leaving you with the equally powerful "My Body is An Abortion" for yours.

Far be it from me to korrect (or otherwise fix shit) your delicate turning of a phrase, but if I might betwixt yore's a touch;  how does:  "My Body is A Bork-Shun" sound?

That has a more distinct MAPA-esque flavor, and you know I am all for bringing that particular flavor to our Banquet Table (as well as delicious plums)!


Your comment about misbegotten offspring that would have "best been strangled at birth" reminds me of another issue that has been plaguing me of late:


My Political Enemies both have suspect, questionable, and/oar otherwise embarrassing children;  a situation I wish to correct.  Since I have, to my knowledge, no natural children of my own:  I am forced to consider a candidate for Presidential Adoption;  of course even though I am somewhat musically inclined I do not wish this Adoption to be Octavian in nature.

This will merely be a strictly Ceremonial Adoption which I will undertake for mine and my People's amusement during the upcoming KamPain and Shadow Administrative cycles (both concurrently and respectively).

In addition to Officially Ignoring this adoptive child's antics, befoulments-of-the-law, and other shenanigans;  I will work closely with Fake Noose and Socialist Networking Organizations to discretely promote the Brand™ of the individual that I adopt.

I want Full and Plausible Deniability of this potential train-wreck adoptive child, to include the extremely prejudicial option of exclusion from inheritance of MAPA properties, titles, and/oar perquisites (to include Plums).

That being said:  I do, in fact;  have a very likely prospect in mind!

Butt first, I would like to hear of any Candy-Dates you might have in mind for this strictly ceremonial position?  Do bear in mind that they will require quite a heavy SeekRutty Detail due to rather extravagant reasons.

Eye have perhaps said two mucks!

Hear, Musaks:



Nautical Shore.

Thank you in Advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO farted in the elevator?"

K_Dubb

Quote from: pate on July 30, 2022, 12:52:02 PMTwo Hundred Eleven, Saturday (FSS Three Day Weekend, FFS)
"THUNDERDOME LIGHTNING" : "METHUSULA PROGENY" : "SPITZ FIREDUST"
K_Dubb, these are awesome!

I knew I could depend on you to come up with not only one, but two really snappy slogans for this particular KamPain Planck.

In order not to waste one of them, my proposal is that I adopt "Murder is My Choice" for my Political KamPain Stumpery;  leaving you with the equally powerful "My Body is An Abortion" for yours.

Far be it from me to korrect (or otherwise fix shit) your delicate turning of a phrase, but if I might betwixt yore's a touch;  how does:  "My Body is A Bork-Shun" sound?

That has a more distinct MAPA-esque flavor, and you know I am all for bringing that particular flavor to our Banquet Table (as well as delicious plums)!


Your comment about misbegotten offspring that would have "best been strangled at birth" reminds me of another issue that has been plaguing me of late:


My Political Enemies both have suspect, questionable, and/oar otherwise embarrassing children;  a situation I wish to correct.  Since I have, to my knowledge, no natural children of my own:  I am forced to consider a candidate for Presidential Adoption;  of course even though I am somewhat musically inclined I do not wish this Adoption to be Octavian in nature.

This will merely be a strictly Ceremonial Adoption which I will undertake for mine and my People's amusement during the upcoming KamPain and Shadow Administrative cycles (both concurrently and respectively).

In addition to Officially Ignoring this adoptive child's antics, befoulments-of-the-law, and other shenanigans;  I will work closely with Fake Noose and Socialist Networking Organizations to discretely promote the Brand™ of the individual that I adopt.

I want Full and Plausible Deniability of this potential train-wreck adoptive child, to include the extremely prejudicial option of exclusion from inheritance of MAPA properties, titles, and/oar perquisites (to include Plums).

That being said:  I do, in fact;  have a very likely prospect in mind!

Butt first, I would like to hear of any Candy-Dates you might have in mind for this strictly ceremonial position?  Do bear in mind that they will require quite a heavy SeekRutty Detail due to rather extravagant reasons.

Eye have perhaps said two mucks!

Hear, Musaks:



Nautical Shore.

Thank you in Advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO farted in the elevator?"

Dear sir, I am delighted that my efforts have pleased you and accept your emendaton without reservation. I agree that "My Body Is An Abortion" is a natural fit for the Fat Kamps, it can be emblazoned across the gates in the place where "Kamp Kakalakawaka" would usually go.

As to adopted wayward progeny I am sure we are thinking along the same lines, Yakstar's clouds of blow, questionable sexual tastes, and pendulous moobs would give the current office-holder a run for his money and his interminable missives would bedevil our foes and generate copious fodder for the conspiracy-minded to comb through seeking in vain for a meaning.  You could hide bribery and corruption and a full-scale PLA invasion plan for Taiwan and the subversion of Western democracy in those things and no one would be the wiser!

Yours ever, kdubb

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