The BellGab/bellchan eXXXtra Sexy Woodworking Thread

Started by pate, December 20, 2020, 09:29:09 PM

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Honestly I am surprised that I had to create this thread, but hear we are...

In order to disguise the subject I hope to be discussed herein so that the thread is not polluted by CatLadies and/or CatLaddies I have decided that "The BellGab/bellchan eXXXtra Sexy Woodworking Thread" will suffice as a first order perimeter defense.

OPSEC will be critical here;  due to the lack of a functional PM system all comms will be in the clear.  Please bear this in mind and remember that when working with power tools you really need to mind your pints and quarts.

In order to properly celebrate this new era of the BellGab/chan multi-verse I will now open and consume a symbolic Pilsner Urquell, stand-by...


ediot: Prosit!


A few weeks ago, I sent a work order to the People's Free Democratic Republic of pate regarding a classified projekt;  apparently over the weekend a proto-type has been designed and constructed:


Due to State Seekrutty Protocols I cannot divulge the ultimate use of this "construct;"  however I will share some of the design specifications associated with this particular Work Order:

    Total weight not to exceed 885.3g (+/- 0.7g)
    Dimensions not to exceed 30x42x25cm
    Vertical Load capacity > 19.5kg
    Electrical Resistance < 58.5(Ω•m)
    Conductivity < 0.00038025mσ

The (REDACTED) Mark 1.0 prototype at first glance seems to fulfill design requirements, tomorrow after the wood-glue has had time to cure it will be weighed and subjected to an appropriate Load Test.

My inner German/Swiss engineer tells me that it is not exactly square and true, but will probably fall within the Dimension criteria.

The material expenditure list may be of interest to those that enjoy working with wood:

    18' Masking tape
    ~1.95oz wood glue
    ~49.5' milled cedar lath

Tools used effecting completion of the Mark I included, but were not limited to:  hand-saw, measuring tape (Stanley 35' Powerlock), pencil, no fewer than 54 clothespins, compound miter-saw, table-saw, and safety glasses (Safety First:  Mission Always!).

From the Work Order report on the desk in front of me it is alleged that the PFDRp technicians experienced severe to moderate levels of Military Acquired Tourettes Syndrome, mild headaches and intermittent bouts of frustration;  although all digits and/or extremities did survive the manufacturing process intact.

The R&D department is most interested in the proto-typing procedure as it has apparently yielded some interesting avenues for future development in many different facets of the PFRDp internal economic development plan.  Some of these are very probably red herrings, Nautical Shore.

Hell, just looking at the thing I can think of several unintended applications that it may be useful for.

I would like to congratulate, laud and otherwise recognize the fine work of the People in this truly Glorious Projekt.

-p (Duly Elected by Unanimous Consent, Dictator-for-Life PFDRp)


Quote from: pate on December 20, 2020, 10:36:38 PM
The (REDACTED) Mark 1.0 prototype at first glance seems to fulfill design requirements

Take it from me--this kind of thing can get out of hand in a hurry.


Quote from: Jackstar on December 20, 2020, 10:40:51 PM
Take it from me--this kind of thing can get out of hand in a hurry.

"Fuck you, I'm rich."

    -Dave Ramsey


Lordy, what a weak.  I think it may be more like two-weaks, and it was certainly spent to flatten the curve:

If you zoom in really close to the picture above you will see someone standing behind all that stuff...  to give any one intardasted a sense of the absolute scale, magnitude, and/or gravity of which I am about to type.

It all began with a dream, a vision, and a whak’d out plan that I hired a really shitty online artist to portray based upon my written description of one thousand words or less:

The stupid dog with a chef’s hat that was clearly photoshopped in and not hand-drawn as I requested should give one an idea of the great depths to which artistic/autistic talent can reach, I digress.

All dreams must be built upon solid foundations, sometimes that solid foundation is reached through Jack posts, but like the ancient pyramids:  modern wonders that hope to survive the test of thyme must be laid out in a similar manner.

This can involve rollers, levers, and/oar fulcrums, Nautical SHore!  Still, the fact remains that the foundation must be solid;  older, stronger, and harder than Red Oak even sometimes.  This is the nature of Good Wood, which is sexy and manly;  as is the working of such things.

Eye have sedge two mucks!

In keeping with both the rule of threes and this site’s ridiculously small attachment size requirements the final (or capstone) image of this multi-media essay will be sadly lacking until such thyme as I mill a Round Tuit.

That is all, Carrie Anne.



Dear sir, that is some truly majestic wood you are sporting there!  The human figure for scale was a nice touch, marred only by his wearing a shirt for God only knows what reason in this weather :P 

Mentioning the pyramids reminded me of this lecture I recently watched where they excavated an ancient Egyptian harbor on the Red Sea where, in a cave they cut out of the rock to store their boats during the off-season, you can see the remnants of just such a structure here


Quote from: pate on December 20, 2020, 09:29:09 PMHonestly I am surprised that I had to create "The BellGab/bellchan eXXXtra Sexy Woodworking Thread"

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