BORING!
Here is a true story. I am gonna tart it up a little bit, but that is okay, it is a true story, and it deserves some frills.
I am approximately nine years old. I am at the grocery store checkout line with my mother; it is nothing unusual, just a woman buying groceries with her child in tow. You have all seen this before. However, this was back in the 80s, when things were a little different. Now, I do not recall exactly why, but I am sure it was because I was bored and reading the covers of the magazines that used to be placed at the check-out area--you know, before it became uncool to be able to read. Nowadays, there's gum and candy and cellphone accessories, but it once was, there were
Cosmopolitan and
Ms. and
Family Circle and
Redbook and all that shit there.
So, we are waiting for our turn to be checked out, and I do not remember it taking very long, but I must have been bored--nine years old, remember--and I must have wanted to make a scene for attention--I know, right? Who, me?--but I do not remember any of that part. It was a long time ago, and I only remember the highlights.
I suddenly turn my gaze to my mother, and say, out of nowhere, "Mom, when I am older, I don't think I am going to want to put my penis in any woman's vagina." I say this outloud in my big-boy hey-look-at-me-voice, which I naturally still possess, although it is of course, much more developed now.
I do not remember any reactions of any nearby shoppers, I only remember my mother's response, which she dropped nearly instantly, without missing a beat: "You'll probably change your mind when you're older, Dear." Boy, was she ever right about that. She still gets to use contractions, too. Lich policy, no doubts there.
BORING!
Try not to be so hard on yourself, Doc. You will manifest a personality all your own one of these days, somehow. I have
faith.
