Who Framed David Rubini?

Started by Jackstar, September 07, 2020, 07:56:44 AM

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Nyewalker

QuoteSo. Who framed him? For what?

You'll have to listen to his show to find out ...

https://streamable.com/9no2iv


Silphion

Who Framed David Rubini?

Quote from: Nyewalker on February 12, 2021, 10:20:27 PM
You'll have to listen to his show to find out ...

Or maybe sit in on the court proceedings.

Silphion

"They called him . . . Rubini . . . The LEGACY . . .
                                        THE RADICAL VISIONARY AND REVOLUTIONARY DREAMMAKER"

and he has a few words for BellGab

   "IT is OVER. The time is now.
                    Adios Pussy Patrol!!!"


 

Silphion

Tidbits from RubiniGab:

"RUBINI ? DAVID RUBINI ? hahaha He's a joke. I do not find him interesting ... not at all!"
"I think DAVID RUBINI is just a "MOVEMENT" but not a real person ... I may be wrong?"

- MV OWNER BellGab.com EllGab.com

  [attachment=1,msg1460475]
                                                                                     

Silphion

 A moment of truth

[attachment=1]

[attachment=2]

Silphion

Quote from: Silphion on February 09, 2021, 07:10:27 PM
Note the Registration Agreement for RubiniGab is exactly the same as that of EllGab.
RubiniGab, however, has an extensive Privacy Policy.
Neither RubiniGab or EllGab honour their own agreements or policy - IMO.

So many followers hoping to SIGN UP to RubiniGab.

Be sure to read the Registration Agreement and Privacy Policy first.

[attachment=1,msg1460478]

[attachment=2,msg1460478]


Silphion

Quote from: Silphion on February 12, 2021, 09:50:36 PM
MV aka Liberace has been MIA for months, so I openly questioned Bart Ell on EllGab.
  The result was that my avatar was removed, my screen name was altered to be derogatory,
  and multiple self-incriminating, vulgar posts were made impersonating me,
  whereupon, I was essentially banned. (Note the EllGab Registration Agreement.)
  KSM has since affirmed (although he would probably now retract) that Bart Ell
  was responsible for these actions, which in no way, absolves complicity by KSM.

Quote from: ksm32 on February 12, 2021, 12:25:59 AM
That's BART posting as you, you fuckstick.

Quote from: Silphion on February 12, 2021, 12:32:02 AM
Thank you.

That is the admission I wanted confirmed.

You can go back home now and play fetch the stick with your Master.

Silphion

Quote from: Silphion on February 09, 2021, 03:57:02 PM
What exactly is the alliance or relationship between Bart Ell and MV?
And what is the alliance or connection between Bart Ell and David Rubini?
We have a general idea why David Rubini wants to doxx and harass members of BG.
But why does Bart Ell want to doxx and harass them as well?
What does he get out of it?
𝐎𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐑𝐮𝐛𝐢𝐧𝐢, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐟 𝐬𝐨, 𝐰𝐡𝐲❓

[attachment=2,msg1459746]

[attachment=1,msg1459746]

There are real world consequences to these machinations.
But, as a resident BG consultant might suggest: Opinions vary.

Bart Ell actually quoted and responded to this query on RubiniGab,
but, as usual, the post of his response has disappeared from the forum.


Silphion

MV aka Liberace has been MIA for months, so I openly questioned Bart Ell on EllGab.
  The result was that my avatar was removed, my screen name was altered to be derogatory,
  and multiple self-incriminating, vulgar posts were made impersonating me,
  whereupon, I was essentially banned. (Note the EllGab Registration Agreement.)
  KSM has since affirmed (although he would probably now retract) that Bart Ell
  was responsible for these actions, which in no way, absolves complicity by KSM.

Quote from: Silphion on February 10, 2021, 09:18:25 PM
KSM or Bart Ell posting as me - You be the judge.

[attachment=1,msg1460112]

My not so funny response.

[attachment=2,msg1460112]

My last EllGab post before being banned.

[attachment=3,msg1460112]

The rest of the posts attributed to me are all KSM or Bart Ell.

Silphion

Comment by geNova on AzzGab:

"The Commander's show is in some deep redeets dudu he'll need more than reruns of JD Legiere to make the big leagues, just sayin'.."

Whatever that is supposed to mean.

Silphion

Quote from: Silphion on February 11, 2021, 06:04:49 AM
"If he (?) would not have flipped me the bird and tried to FRAME ME to look like "TEXAS MAN" = EVERYONE wants me to be TEXAS MAN... SORRY! I am NOT TEXAS MAN!" - Confidentially, Rubini

Texas Man seems more reminiscent in tone of that little spring-heeled imp Zaza.
But, as we know, it is Rubini who frequents and ruminates in the Lone Star State.

SpaceMeowMaid

Quote from: Silphion on February 12, 2021, 03:59:49 AM
$$$

Geez if you are the brains around here you'all in sorrier shape than I thought! Guess again.

Silphion

Quote from: SpaceMeowMaid on February 13, 2021, 04:44:37 AM
Geez if you are the brains around here you'all in sorrier shape than I thought! Guess again.

That was only meant to be a small joke, apparently very small.

No one imagines anyone to be the brains in these here parts.

At least not me.

Silphion

Quote from: Jackstar on December 01, 2020, 09:07:07 AM
Believe it, Kids. I know it took a long time, but I did do a lot of talking, that required a lot of walking, because as one knows--when one does talk to talk, one does have to walk the walk.

now. I have been spending a lot of my personal time looking into this David Rubini matter. A LOT OF TIME. NOW, NONE OF YOU ARE ON THE HOOK FOR THAT--I'm a volunteer--however a lot of you weren't really all that helpful to my research.

Some of you... actually slowed me down. only because I had to gradually slow my own pace of my own free choice of will cuz I didn't want to run over any of you idiots who decided to be a great time to play in the street, metaphorically speaking, but nevertheless you did slow me down, and that debt must be paid.

Usually, it's the kind of thing that one could wait for the other one's life to get balanced on the karmic wheel, but it's December now and I'm in a hurry and I'm really pissed off. I bet you couldn't tell.

But I know for sure that you have no idea what I'm pissed about personally--IT'S THAT YOU'VE BEEN HURTING DAVID'S FEELINGS. Let's leave the U-Part-Murkey. Let's not ask any questions about Google Voice Recognition right now. let's not think too hard about how one of the bad guys in Tron was called "a recognizer."

Instead, let's think about this statement: I created these threads solely to help David Rubini, and for no other reason. However... I've been accused of deceit, self and grand diesment, clout chasing, and just around it off, let's mention the old standbys of "drug abuse" and "child rape." (Having never abused drugs nor raped anyone--and certainly not involving children--I can freely laugh at six suggestions especially since it's been three decades since I have to deal with this crap, however, I don't want to make light of the subjects. Hey, anyone want to go to Subway and make fun of Jared? Where's the movie of his life starring Chris Penn and Susan Sarandon?)

So... the first couple times, fine, he complained about it. I'm not going to lie, there's an arrogant wap stick tycoon pretends to be David Rubin who argues about f****** everything. However, I never saw the point to these threads being so hateful... until I realize: David Rubini never thought that I was going to help him.

David Rubini was told that Jacksrar is evil, and apparently David Rubini has never met a decent strong kind good-hearted man. because that is exactly what I am. And whoever you are, whoever did those things that you did to him, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

before then, I don't know how much of a bastard he was, but what you did was really mean. I heard him cry. Like weeping like a baby. I won't tell you why, but it was bad enough to make him cry but for him to have to cry in front of me... ooh, that was mean.

Also, it was a mistake because I am kind good-hearted and quite capable of protecting the innocent. I didn't know that being friends with David would lead to such a delightful end... and it hasn't... for me. My life continues to grow up and up and up and on and on and on.

I am legend. I did what I was set out to do. I didn't end up in prison. I did lose a fleshling familiar but... losing those is kind of what they're for. What I didn't spend on plan on spending 2020 on... was rescuing David Rubini.

First time, really. I don't usually rescue men. Of course he was pretty wimpy, but now he's my mindslave for eternity, so probably not a threat to my genome no matter what.

However, now my life goals--my personal life goals, mind you--have been pushed back, and someone is going to have to be held accountable for that.

Note that this is my idea. However: I was supposed to be in Australia this year. All those people whose lives I was supposed to touch over there? Rescheduled. This was a lot of rescheduling, I'm told.

And, now I've taken a taste of vengeance and found that I like it. I was pretty happy to go lucky before, BellGab. Now... SOMEONE HAS WOKEN THE DRAGON.

And the dragon just made friends with David Rubini. I don't know who that affects... but it's certainly affects me, as I would never have made a friend like David otherwise, and now... David is like Chris Makepeace in that My Bodyguard movie. You know the one?

Little known fact: My Bodyguard loves Vera. See, I bet most of you don't even know what that means. This is where The Cabal should have really hired me to test their algos. I guess they thought messing with me would be cheapest.

They were wrong. Did you have a good year, BellGab? Because I know I did. and when I saw someone two days ago... or three days ago, accusing me of pretending to be uncaring about being flamed... oh my goodness, I just about wet my pants with glee.

Actually, I can't remember what was said, nor how I felt about it. But let me tell you how I feel now, BellGab--THE ENEMIES OF DAVID RUBINI HAD BETTER RUN FOR THE FUCKING HILLS, AND THE VENGEANCE THAT WILL BE LAID UPON HIS ENEMIES WILL BE LEGENDARY.

AND I'VE BEEN AUTHORIZED TO HELP, BY GETTING OUT AND PUSHING. Usually I'm not allowed to do that--because pacifism!--but conditions this year are unusual.

For example all of Belgium is presently jagstar's b****. I know right? Not even half! ALL. Enjoy it while it lasts.

I don't want to be here. I don't want attention. And the people I'm giving it to... I think they got more than they bargained for! Nevertheless! My ongoing inquiry into the events surrounding the Rubini event are now ongoing... #Officially.

Now. David. I know you thought these threads were damaging... and maybe at the time they were. However, you were giving dangerous orders, and someone had to stop you from hurting yourself as well as others who were even more innocent.

Also you might have been possessed at one point. I don't know! I fixed that though. Try not to let yourself get possessed again, because if I have to unpossess you next time I'll make you dance around in public a little bit before I do it. Don't think I'm not above it, I might be highly evolved but I'm not so highly evolved that I don't love Buster Keaton.

now, let me assure you: that if you call me and ask politely and nicely I will explain to you exactly what I mean, because I'm not proofreading anymore and some of the speech recognition is not going to work out right. this means that if you can hold your s*** together for 30 seconds and not fly off the handle over nothing, and simply speak to me like a gentleman would comment Your enemies will never catch up because I will never reveal the truth to them.

Your enemies have become my enemies, David. Someone apparently thought it'd be fun to not just trifle with Jackstar, but make me break my vows of pacifism!

Now, I know most of you don't believe me: But the reality is that me being a pacifist has a lot to do with your planet not being a baked cinder. it's complicated, and a lot of it's not my area, and you're Punylings, you can't even wrap your mind around what I'm talking about.

Good. Comprehension is not a prerequisite for compliance, Punylings. now, eventually David Rubini is going to stop frothing at the mouth when he's talking to me about certain subjects--it might take a few months but certainly won't take longer than a year--and I'm tired of hearing his froth, and I can't let him run away being afraid of me--heh heh okay I can, it's just bad for my brand--so I'm going to take action and fix that, and all you people who like to get forgiveness had better pray to Rubini for forgiveness.

That's right: don't pray to me. Pray to Rubini. (Of course I recommend Jesus, but I know the lot of you here are a bunch of degenerate dicks.) Because only he can save you from what is coming. I can't even do that.

And, you know why? BECAUSE BELLGAB HURT JACKSTAR'S FEELINGS ONCE.

ONCE.


Now, meanwhile this Rubini thing is getting out of hand. And while it is fun for me, I can see that innocents are about to be hurt. And I can't allow that.

Some of them have crushes on me. "Street cred" be damned, I can't let anything damage my brand like that. Yeah, so, this thread is actually active now.

Stay tuned. David, have one of your toadies or flunkies post messages here. You're still banned right? Or were you ever? Look, look, read, read: we're all past that now.

Did I mention I conquered your planet today? yeah, I'm just melting off: I've conquered a lot of plans just like it this year. The difference between me and you is... I don't need you to tell me that I've done it. Because I'm Active.

Not my idea. Anyone rather cyber? Check with Grapefruit. Also, please be advised... she may not know what "cybering" is, and she's only ever seen me put on and take off my wizard hat and robes in person.

They're both pretty pissed at me. Is that subtext coming through? Trust me... whatever their game was, nobody saw me ending up where I'm at now.

Which, for the record: not a sexual predator, of any age, I'm not a charlatan of any incomes, and I am not desirous of this fame that I've gained for myself.

All of which is already been informed and related to law enforcement. Because I am citizen who is a member of a special class. I don't care if that sounds like bullshit to you--IT'S THE TRUTH.


NOW. DOES ANYONE WANT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT MY SAMSUNG INFUSE 4G? I WILL ACCEPT ANY AND ALL CONTACT METHODS FOR THIS ONE.

Also: it's for sale. No donations on this item: nor will it be surrendered to law enforcement, as there is no criiiiiiiime, right? So no reason to bar the sale of this item.

Also: it's not haunted. At the moment. so when you're all done talking about what happened with David  Rubini--and everyone else, and all those other people that weren't my girlfriend, and my girlfriend and what happened to me... I'm ready to call into an all-new "Spec Sheet".

Who owns that brand, anyway? Just a rhetorical aside, I don't really care: I'll get that in post too. And remember: only David gets the proofread version of these messages, which are not spam in any way.

And thusly David Rubini is now officially... "unframed." Mazel tov! Quot erat demonstratum. Now, should I call (REDACTED), (REDACTED), or Nathan? Because now I get to decide.

Brb. Going to go get a three-headed coin. My lover is the scion of a dragon, so, believe me, if I need a three-headed coin, I'll get a three-headed coin.

P.S.: those of you firmly convinced that David Rubini was NOT framed... I don't have a bridge to sell you, but your mother just jumped off of it. MY MOTHER PROBABLY CONVINCED HER TO, not because you're a terrible son or anything. Or daughter? I'll be honest: I have no idea who I'm talking to, as I actually never heard of David Rubini before in my life, until someone wound him up and pointed him at me.

Big mistake! I have grown nothing but stronger, and I promised David that if he was my willing servant, I would make him the King of all the mindslaves. I don't know if you believe me, but you got to ask yourself... at this point, what does that guy have to lose?

He won't even always have BallGrab now... Unless I allow it. Imagine the devastation in his psyche, as he's been bested by not just a rabbit, but by a pacifist rabbit.

So. All y'all better surrender, because with this series of posts, I hereby declare #FEALTY to David Rubin. Grapefruit will be enraged, but so what? I warned the both of them, and they apparently thought they knew better than I.

About what, I have no idea. I'm too busy paying attention to Phase V. Do you people even know what that means? I sure hope not, because I don't, and I don't care.

This is a dangerous place for a web forum dedicated to the community surrounding a radio show that no longer exists and hasn't existed the way it needed to existed for nearly two decades. You people are on thin ice. Eventually, someone will show up and they will completely run roughshod over me, and I'll let it happen, because I haven't given a shit about being stuck here for quite some time.

after the third time Art hung up on me in the first time Whitley Streiber ran like a scared little girl, I figured "maybe I'll just let that experience go." well, I was going to, and now I have because now I got to pay attention to The Rubini Event.

I'm still getting emails. I'm still getting calls. I'm still getting unpleasant energy... and all it does is make me laugh while everyone else is crying about it. Somehow I don't think that "amusing Jackstar" was the plan here.

Now, go ahead, go ahead: call her "a whore" one more time. Come on, it's cool, I want you to. So does My Mother, The Lich.

But not me. I want to get back to creative production. I don't want to root out David rubin's enemies and flay them alive in public for everyone to see. However, if my lover and her stable boy require that kind of help... I am purpose-built to be able to deliver that kind of help in precise increments.

Or I can just get depressed and kill myself. That's going to happen any day now, right? Now that General Michael Flynn has been pardoned, all those resources for prosecuting important crimes are going to be turned to me... right?

Not by a long chalk. Now, don't just stay tuned: talk amongst yourselves, and do it in a way that makes me satisfied, or I will have to explain to certain people why I am not satisfied.

See? It's cool how that's not a threat, right? It's possible if some of you might feel threatened. However, that is not my intent. My intent... is to hold some of you accessible, so that someone else can hold you accountable.

I'm not going to lie: I learned that trick from a CIA agent, on the opposite side of the planet from "Nam. It wasn't taught to me, I'm just that good at paying attention.

"Why am I being told that this guy works for the CIA? This must be supposed to be some kind of a test. Have these people never heard of the Kobayashi Maru? Well they were dumb enough to sign contracts with the CIA, that's for sure, and on top of that, they're obviously so dumb that they think I'm believing what they're telling me. Well, whatever: I'm sure this experience won't mean something to me later, but it'll help me with some other kind of experience."

And boy it sure did! "Make sure you're in the clear before they figure out you've been playing them since before they were born, Punylings don't seem to like that, and they might perhaps... lash out. Also I'm shooting up David's "framing up thread", which, I'll mention again here at the end... I made to help him out. Because I think he's cute and I love him.

Not because it's fun to teach him how to destroy his enemies. I mean, yes... that is fun, because I really don't want to, except I do, except I don't, except I do if they push me too far, because pacifism doesn't mean what this guy thinks it does.

But I can fix that, especially since all of you are pushing me to ally with him. I mean, okay... If you insist... thanks, BellGab.

Want to get taken for a ride? Then go on and pretend I don't know what I'm talking about even just one more time. I no longer have to take it easy on some of you people, as word has spread amongst the natives here on my homeworld--my legend is true.

I still don't have permission to write to an elder yet, nor to any Chief, and since no one here is any threat to me or to my interests, it's hard to claim that I need special status on that. however, I'm about 5 seconds away from looking up Robert goswolf and seeing if he's got a daughter or an ex-wife or a mother or whatever is gonna start The Seventh Fire back up again. Or whatever.

Yeah y'all just think I'm a lunatic because I'm actually writing down what's going through my head. The stuff people say out loud is even crazier. But they do it in secret behind tears while pretending it's something else.

I'm doing it mathematically. You know? Arithmethic. Oh, wait, I guess it isn't spelled that way on this planet. Or something.


Now I'm not going to lie: I heard about this "Jacob" & "Esau Marshalek" story, and, you know what? I'm not buying that one either. But this is what my truth is. I never tried to hurt this guy--it just happened, I guess he "fell"--but to this day he blames ME.

And that infringement upon my brand cannot be left to stand.

Also, David Rubini has a case here. Not with me though. Oh, no. Never for even one instant if I conspire with anyone--


🇨​🇴​🇳​🇫​🇪​🇸​🇸​🇮​🇴​🇳​🇸​ 🇴​🇫​ 🇭​🇮​🇬​🇭​ 🇯​🇦​🇨​🇰​ 🇩​🇮​🇬​🇪​🇸​🇹​


"I have been spending a lot of my personal time looking into this David Rubini matter.

But I know for sure that you have no idea what I'm pissed about--
IT'S THAT YOU'VE BEEN HURTING DAVID'S FEELINGS.

I created these threads solely to help David Rubini, and for no other reason.
However ... I've been accused of deceit, self-aggrandizement, clout chasing, ...

So ... the first couple times, fine, he complained about it.
However, I never saw the point to these threads being so hateful until I realize:
David Rubini never thought that I was going to help him.

David Rubini was told that Jackstar is evil, and apparently
David Rubini has never met a decent strong kind good-hearted man,
because that is exactly what I am. And whoever you are,
whoever did those things that you did to him, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Before then, I don't know how much of a bastard he was, but what you did was really mean.
I heard him cry. Like weeping like a baby. I won't tell you why, but it was bad enough to make him cry,
but for him to have to cry in front of me ... ooh, that was mean.

Also, it was a mistake because I am quite capable of protecting the innocent.
I didn't know that being friends with David would lead to such a delightful end.

I am legend. I did what I was set out to do. I didn't end up in prison.
What I didn't spend on planning was spending 2020 on ... rescuing David Rubini.

First time, really. I don't usually rescue men. Of course he was pretty wimpy,
but now he's my mindslave for eternity ...

And, now I've taken a taste of vengeance and found that I like it.
I was pretty happy go lucky before, BellGab. Now ... SOMEONE HAS WOKEN THE DRAGON.

And the dragon just made friends with David Rubini. I don't know who that affects ...
but it certainly affects me, as I would never have made a friend like David otherwise.

But let me tell you how I feel now, BellGab--
THE ENEMIES OF DAVID RUBINI HAD BETTER RUN FOR THE FUCKING HILLS,
AND THE VENGEANCE THAT WILL BE LAID UPON HIS ENEMIES WILL BE LEGENDARY.

Now, David, I know you thought these threads were damaging ... and maybe at the time they were.
However, you were giving dangerous orders, and someone had to stop you from hurting yourself,
as well as others who were even more innocent.

Also you might have been possessed at one point. I don't know! I fixed that though.
Try not to let yourself get possessed again, because if I have to unpossess you next time ...

If you can hold your shit together for 30 seconds and not fly off the handle, and simply speak to me
like a gentleman, your enemies will never catch up because I will never reveal the truth to them.

Your enemies have become my enemies, David. Someone apparently thought it'd be fun
to not just trifle with Jackstar, but make me break my vows of pacifism!

Now, eventually David Rubini is going to stop frothing at the mouth when he's talking to me--
and I can't let him run away being afraid of me--so I'm going to take action and fix that,
and all you people who like to get forgiveness had better pray to Rubini for forgiveness.

That's right: don't pray to me. Pray to Rubini.

And, you know why? BECAUSE BELLGAB HURT JACKSTAR'S FEELINGS ONCE.

Now, meanwhile, this Rubini thing is getting out of hand. And while it is fun for me,
I can see that innocents are about to be hurt. And I can't allow that.

David, have one of your toadies or flunkies post messages here.
You're still banned right? Or were you ever?

And, thusly, David Rubini is now officially ... "unframed."

For those of you firmly convinced that David Rubini was NOT framed ...
I don't have a bridge to sell you, but your mother just jumped off of it.
I actually never heard of David Rubini before in my life,
until someone wound him up and pointed him at me.

Big mistake! I have grown nothing but stronger, and I promised David that if he was my willing servant,
I would make him the King of all the mindslaves. I don't know if you believe me,
but you got to ask yourself at this point, what does that guy have to lose?

He won't even always have BallGrab now ... Unless I allow it.
Imagine the devastation in his psyche, as he's been bested by not just a rabbit, but by a pacifist rabbit.

So. All y'all better surrender, because with this series of posts,
I hereby declare #FEALTY to David Rubini.
Grapefruit will be enraged, but so what? I warned the both of them,
and they apparently thought they knew better than I.

This is a dangerous place for a web forum dedicated to the community surrounding a radio show
that no longer exists and hasn't existed the way it needed to exist for nearly two decades.
You people are on thin ice. Eventually, someone will show up
and they will completely run roughshod over me, and I'll let it happen
because I haven't given a shit about being stuck here for quite some time.

I want to get back to creative production.
I don't want to root out David Rubini's enemies and flay them alive in public ...

Also, I'm shooting up David's "framing up thread", which, I'll mention again here at the end ...
I made to help him out. Because I think he's cute and I love him.

Not because it's fun to teach him how to destroy his enemies.

But I can fix that, especially since all of you are pushing me to ally with him.
If you insist ... thanks, BellGab.

You all just think I'm a lunatic because I'm actually writing down what's going through my head.
The stuff people say out loud is even crazier. But they do it in secret behind tears ... "

Jackstar

Quote from: Silphion on February 14, 2021, 12:22:06 AM
You all just think I'm a lunatic because I'm actually writing down what's going through my head.
The stuff people say out loud is even crazier. But they do it in secret behind tears ... "

Holy hell and G-d damn it, I am the best motherfucking writer in the whole wide world. And that's on record.
Thanks for reminding me, Ragdoll. You're aces. I had entirely forgotten about this tasty morsel after the 3rd stage thorazine extended release capsule kickedin --not many know this, but that's rare side effect, genetically determinated, I've read... Temporary Global Amnesia. Did that happen that time? Let me think. *finger temple squint* Well, what can I say? Probably not my gift of God, but I did get real lucky on that one.

SpaceMeowMaid

Quote from: Silphion on February 14, 2021, 12:22:06 AM

​🇸​🇮​​🇳​🇸​

"I have a lot of my pook

But I sure piss about--
I SHAT HURT FEELINGS

I  help David Rubini,  deceit, self-aggrandizement, clout chasing,

So he complained I was Jackstar

Before then, I  know how much of a bastard he was,

Also, it was a mistake

I am legend.

First time,  pretty
mindslave for eternity ...

And,
was BellGab. SMOKEN THE DRAGON.

And the dragon
-
THE ENEMA RUBINI
AND THE VENGEANCE

Also you might have been possessed

If you can hold your shit
Now, eventually David Rubini is going to stop frothing at the mouth

That's right: don't pray to Rubini.
BECAUSE BELLGAB HURT JACKSTAR'S FEELING
David Rubini is now officially

Big mistake! I have grown nothing but mindslaves
Grapefruit so what? I war

Also, I'm shooting  David Because Buttears ... "


Quote from: Silphion on February 14, 2021, 12:22:06 AM



I  cry like a baby.

Your  flunkie


FIFY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6QzY6KbCUQ&t=62s


Yep tats better

Silphion

Quote from: Jackstar on February 14, 2021, 01:03:52 AM
Holy hell and G-d damn it, I am the best motherfucking writer in the whole wide world. And that's on record.
Thanks for reminding me, Ragdoll. You're aces. I had entirely forgotten about this tasty morsel after the 3rd stage thorazine extended release capsule kickedin --not many know this, but that's rare side effect, genetically determinated, I've read... Temporary Global Amnesia. Did that happen that time? Let me think. *finger temple squint* Well, what can I say? Probably not my gift of God, but I did get real lucky on that one.

Quote from: SpaceMeowMaid on February 14, 2021, 01:10:23 AM
​🇸​🇮​​🇳​🇸​

"I have a lot of my pook

But I sure piss about--
I SHAT HURT FEELINGS

I  help David Rubini,  deceit, self-aggrandizement, clout chasing,

So he complained I was Jackstar

Before then, I  know how much of a bastard he was,

Also, it was a mistake

I am legend.

First time,  pretty
mindslave for eternity ...

And,
was BellGab. SMOKEN THE DRAGON.

And the dragon
-
THE ENEMA RUBINI
AND THE VENGEANCE

Also you might have been possessed

If you can hold your shit
Now, eventually David Rubini is going to stop frothing at the mouth

That's right: don't pray to Rubini.
BECAUSE BELLGAB HURT JACKSTAR'S FEELING
David Rubini is now officially

Big mistake! I have grown nothing but mindslaves
Grapefruit so what? I war

Also, I'm shooting  David Because Buttears ... "

How would you grade the reevaluation of your work, Jack?

Silphion

Quote from: Silphion on February 14, 2021, 01:33:34 AM
How would you grade the reevaluation of your work, Jack?

Or reinterpretation, if you will.

Silphion

Quote from: Silphion on February 14, 2021, 02:14:13 AM
Or reinterpretation, if you will.

Jack, how do you feel about the reinterpretation of your work by SpaceMeowMaid?
Can you explain the motivation and circumstances for these casting of odd stones?

__________________________________________________________________


And after all the generosity and praise you poured forth for Rubini in December,
why is he so ungrateful and suspicious now, in his latest response on RubiniGab?




paladin1991

Okay, maybe you should plot revenge.  Or maybe just carry the fuck on.

Jackstar

Quote from: Silphion on February 14, 2021, 05:59:28 AM
Jack, how do you feel about the reinterpretation of your work by SpaceMeowMaid?

https://youtu.be/fzJ0tHrXHc0

Quote from: Silphion on February 14, 2021, 05:59:28 AM
Can you explain the motivation and circumstances for these casting of odd stones?

well, not right now cuz my mind is still reeling with the idea of this secret space meow made that a dump ster fire decided to swing by my house. yeah I just showed up it's filled with cassette tapes all kinds betamax 8-tracks VHS looks like wow I can read VHS tapes without putting a machine that's cool Cool I don't have to fix a f****** machine anyway I don't know what this stuff is but I'll just leave it out front you guys can go poke through it I don't care.

I'm not sure exactly what's going to go from this point forward, it's hard for me to tell exactly what to tell, because certain people are telling me things, certain people are writing things, and certain people are well... I don't want to say imaginary but I'd also don't want to say I'm going to telepathic contact with the f****** space fleet from Orion because that's b******* wouldn't it be? I mean the Orion's can't even f****** tie their shoes.

"I think of his face flee" is the phrase the day folks apparently that's the one they're going to use to tell everybody to be terrified of what her f****** alien they think they're going to f****** tell everybody that I am yeah I'm not an alien hi I'm Jack Star I'm a guy. Also a star what clearly what's the problem of that? look I don't have a lot of time here and there's a lot of people looking for add-ons here. you punch through a spiral arm of the galaxy you're going to get some hopalongs and they're all going to want at least one add-ons that's why they punched whre for Rubini in December,

So that was Space Force.USA, huh? Are there any more than those two guys left? oh those aren't guys those are cruisers oh okay cool. Good to know the difference how many okay well let me check I think they can. (WE ALREADY DID REBUILD THEM. 8 OR 9 TIMES WE WANTED TO MAKE IT LOOK GOOD FOR HIM.) Well, yeah they have the technology. No I don't have to capitalize it's not like that okay it'll be fine all right bye. (Whew. They bought it. Jewel. Stop trying to kill Zelda. Yeah I'm sure you're trying to be helpful but she doesn't want to be a dolphin right now. That's just because you told her she did. Well I am too I am. Oh you don't know my name do you oh that's cute okay go back to sleep. Hello ghost ninja take care of whatever the f*** that is thanks news to me I don't know. it looks like John B Wells in a '69 Cadillac smoking a Cuban cigar but I don't know why I would think of that. no I don't think it's an eggplant or an ink blot okay stop. Look don't there's only four of us here in this level I don't have time for this kind of chatting yeah I know first was the word and the word was good Well this time the word was Jackstar--it'll be fine. Huh, not nautical short. Well it's too f****** bad I guess you have to go back to base huh Well don't worry you got your time machine right you earned it right God get get get get look at that f****** got you there you go haha they got you. (HATRED IS FUTILE. HE IS TOO BEAUTIFUL.) Well I'm not going to lie I did help that I started practicing for this f****** 19 years ago. Wait what year is it 12 quail no I'm not going to tell you 2006 go off. what are you mean oh my God these people are pissed.) You know eventually I can't just run down a drop of parentheses and just run away eventually that runs out of time honey. Oh you're that guy okay peace I got to go.

Quote from: Silphion on February 14, 2021, 05:59:28 AM
why is he so ungrateful and suspicious now, in his latest response on RubiniGab?

BACK TO REALITY. God this place sucks. Okay so wild long time ago I promised him I said if certain something happens it won't come from me and then turns out funny funny thinking it did actually come through me but it didn't come from me I didn't want to be and then something happened and then it had to happen and so he kind of like imagined that it was one way when it wasn't I kind of thought that he knew that but then I figured if he was not going to be checking it on that then he was probably not going to be checking on a lot of stuff cuz yeah it's not going to work and then what was the other thing there's something else that happened that was really oh yeah yeah so as a coincidence as a complete coincidence that I completely totally must have done myself on one of my you know unconscious time traveling astral dreams or something that I never ever have because all I do is get raped at night right? oh no no you you raped a dummy dummy f****** of course I f****** don't f****** time travel and sleep yeah all I do is get raped by people when I'm in sleep no actually look it's complicated. What was your question? No I don't feel raped. No I don't feel like eating anything either. but no it's not a pomegranate what the f*** dude do you even f****** know who I f****** am? Well I'll tell you what let me give you HALF my ID. ARE YOU IMPRESSED NOW OKAY? You really want me to say that You're f****** hassle. Okay well let me get this right I don't think it'll come out right are you ready okay: multipass:going to do it no I'm just going to run away)

Let a hunch this is just an inkling I haven't talked to him since he spontaneously combusted but he'll be back... soon. (WE COULD REBUILD HIM. WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY. NO, DARIEN, WE'RE NOT GOING TO PUT A MACHINE GUN INTO HIS CHEST. THAT WOULD BE COOL THOUGH.) Okay I guess it might take a little while longer but he comes. But I'm not getting him any ammo; f*** that stuff is dear. And you know why? Because it's worth it.

similarly I think the reason why he's so grouchy and untrustworthy is cuz I've completely mastered him invested him and asked blasted him to the degree that I can't even imagine is real because there's no way that what I'm getting in over here is what's actually happening. (IT IS.) oh my f****** god ark do not touch that it is not for you it is not a toy. I will admit that it is a tool for divas but it is my tool so don't do that. That was cool though. No I can't resurrect you. (FOR ME THIS IS THE FIRST TIME HE'S ASKED, HE LOOKS A LITTLE EMBARRASSED SO MY GUESS IS THAT HE JUST WANTED TO LEAVE ME FOR LAST. WOW THANKS ART YES JESUS FOR ME? OH GOOD ASK JESUS FIRST THAT IS A GREAT IDEA ASK JESUS BEFORE JACKSTAR. SOMEBODY WRITE THAT DOWN ON A FRIEND, I DON'T HAVE ONE AROUND. WHAT DID JESUS SAY? "UNDER NCA/NDA" THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE RIGHT ANSWER, THERE ARE SOME THINGS EVEN JESUS CAN'T DO. I GUESS YOU WILL HAVE TO FIND GOD. WOW, TWO SPEECHLESS ARTS. LET'S HOPE THIS ONE LASTS LONG ENOUGH FOR ME TO HEAR A PHONE RING IF A FRIEND CALLS. JUST KIDDING I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS.) Oh you two are getting chatty, aren't you. I don't know what they did with your body but that f****** spelling mistake is f****** throwing off my s*** like you don't even know so: too bad.

Gabblings I don't even know. It's all coming in so God damn fast I can't keep up, but I'm getting hot just thinking about coming down there. Nova 28. It's an older code but it checks out. You're Welcome. Well, Honey, you're right I knew that you would want flowers That's a funny joke but yes of course you get flowers? They're out in the yard, go pick them. Wait let me get this straight, you've been through an experience I can't describe again let alone in the first place and now you're telling me that that's happening and that's happening that actually happened and and I can hear you and you're telling me that you can't go outside because you're afraid of the muskrats? I see. And why can't you just try to use that code on the muskrats? (DO NOT BE AFRAID.)

HE'S FIRED. OH, YES YES I'M CERTAIN YOU WON'T WANT TO DO THAT BUT THAT'S WHAT THE MUSKRATS ARE FOR. /FLEX

Honey, why not just call me? I'm sure your contact book somewhere... I'm going to see the problem yeah let me try and fix it can you get to the f*** I don't know what's called is Android his iPhone I was an iPhone I have no idea I've never used an iPhone in my life f*** iPhone no don't f*** the iPhone honey how about this try this look for the girl named what was her name princess no that was something else look for Lauren, no not that one, she's always on the rag. Look for Loren, oh you'll find her she's looking for you oh my God she's looking for you she will be happy to let you borrow her iPhone for a moment and she'll teach you how to use it your idea to say "Siri, what's my name?" now Lauren will be expecting the phone to say princess, but it's not going to say that it's going to say "Clifford 'is that a bridge in your pants or are you just happy to see me?' Showslayer"--yeah I know it's a bit of a mouthful but, so am I. Polite cough. Sure okay after you do that then well whatever you want (I PICKED THE WRONG DAY TO STAY ON EARTH. FOR ME. I GUESS IT WORKED OUT PRETTY GOOD FOR YOU PUNYLINGS THOUGH, HUH? WAIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP THE SINGING DON'T THANK ME WITH THE HIM SEND ME MONEY. I'M F****** JACK STAR SEND ME MONEY I WANT MONEY. WELL BECAUSE IT'S WORTHLESS SOON AND I WANT TO GET IT WHILE IT ACTUALLY STILL HAS VALUE JUST FOR NOSTALGIC SAKE. OH I'M GLAD YOU ASKED I'D LIKE 146 MILLION BILLION TRILLION QUADRILLION DOLLARS. JUST ONE BILL IS FINE, YEAH. HAVEN'T WE HAD ENOUGH CHANGE FOR ONE DAY? HONEY OKAY, I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH DANGER YOU'RE IN AT THE MOMENT, ALTHOUGH I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU'RE VERY SHOOK UP, NO THAT IS INTERESTING I DIDN'T KNOW THAT BUT I STILL THINK THAT I LOVE YOUR FACE AND I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE SO IF YOU WANT TO DEED YOURSELF TO NOTHING LESS THAN 16 THAT'LL BE FINE OH YOU WANT TO BE 15 A WEEK BEFORE YOUR 16TH BIRTHDAY REALLY REALLY WHY IS THAT OH IS THAT BECAUSE THE PORTAL IS FUNNY YEAH I DON'T THINK SO. NO FACE NOBODY CHANGES YOU'RE FINE. WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN AND HAVE A NAP AND READ A BOOK? WELL IF YOU COULD DO EITHER OF THEM YOU COULD DO EITHER OF THEM IN ORDER OR YOU WERE LIKE BUT IF YOU TAKE A NAP FIRST YOU'LL JUST FIND THAT A GREATER PERCENTAGE OF THE BOOKS WILL BE TITLED NOAH 28, AND THEN THERE WILL BE MORE OF THE WORDS IN THERE THAT WILL BE NOVA 28 AND THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO UNDERSTAND WHICH ONE IT IS BUT ACTUALLY THE TRUTH IS YOU CAN SAY EITHER? WHY? IT DOESN'T MATTER: I FIXED IT. (Don't stop him, he's on a roll.) WELL, IF YOU CAN FIND YOUR GLASSES GREAT, AND IF YOU CAN'T, WELL... THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH I CAN DO IN MY POSITION, AFTER YOU TOLD ME THAT I LIED TO YOU AND DIDN'T LOVE YOU AND THAT MY PENIS DIDN'T WORK AND YOU KNOW MAYBE IF YOU FOUND GLASSES THEN IT WOULD LOOK BIGGER. I GOT AN IDEA MAYBE IF YOU LEARN SOME MANNERS IT WOULD GET A LOT BIGGER. YEAH, WELL, IMAGINE ALL THE PICTURES OF GLASSES ON HUNTER BIDEN'S LAPTOP INSTANTANEOUSLY CRASHING AGAINST EACH OTHER AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT DOWN TO A SINGLE POINT SINGULARITY, AND THEN THINK ABOUT HOW LONG THE LINE AT COSTCO WILL BE THEN) thing which is well I don't know what do you cIll msome fat tuba Crisco told you to f****** buy? C**** red dot yeah that's what I would call myself too but probably not. God I've got to wipe my ass forget it. oh you mean you do want to talk to me oh well how are you talking to me now oh you're watching me on the TV That's got to be awkward oh you didn't yeah I actually knew that you were watching that yeah That's okay I don't need to be afraid I'm not proud of my vaping habit but at least I'm not shoving up my ass huh? Well no actually I haven't done that. I know I haven't done that no I know I haven't done that no Jesus honey you only tell me your name. Did you get all that? You are mortified, aren't you? Well, think of how LBJ feels! He just found out that he didn't actually kill Kennedy. Say "cheese."


Jesus I'm not going to proofread this what the f*** am I doing? It's like there's five people here and three of them are pooping, and the other two are constantly grabbing the phone and trying to type. Move over Movie over.

Oh yeah I think we're good sending all the unicorns to Jack's house. Perfect. Wonderful. Okay good talk God bless you *click* Stop obsessing, I don't own a house, Moron.

Jackstar

Quote from: paladin1991 on February 14, 2021, 09:56:20 AM
Okay, maybe you should plot revenge. 

Well I'm not going to lie I try to do this but I ended up with the classical piano playing chess master blowing real big pain in the ass problem that's going to hit 18 years old and I don't remember when but it'll be fine. oh no you don't understand I don't need to get laid but I have to play chess. It's in the rules. Yeah so we're good oh are you worried oh that's fine okay yeah we're good. Well I can ask her if you want f*** her no no I have not Well I don't know actually I haven't even gotten I've been so busy with this s*** you don't even f****** know man yeah you don't you don't even f****** know what it's like oh I bet you think it's just I'm sitting on the pot just f****** yelling on my phone huh Well no I'm not I'm going to smoke this vape without some vape and then I might get some fake but believe me I'm not on hard ass drugs because that would be way more fun what are you on and what do you care and who the f*** are you and what were those things bye.

That f****** guy.

Quote from: paladin1991 on February 14, 2021, 09:56:20 AM
Or maybe just carry the fuck on.

Hang on. I'll be right back with a Hunter Biden meme.

Jackstar

Quote from: Jackstar on September 07, 2020, 08:10:53 AM


https://youtu.be/3YsOQjwZBIw


It's not exciting it's a f****** monster. And it all belongs to TaintCo. We're going to wholly owned subsidiaries. No I don't actually know who owns it right now. Well there are some subsidiaries that are completely and totally and absolutely owned by one mismade and one is grapefruit and one is first Valentine of the year to blow me but I don't know how these names are and you know why are you so curious in who are you and did you even listen to the album yet I just posted it and oh I guess yeah well all right go shoot yourself in the foot cool oh crazy it worked.

I think this story has legs, but... I don't know what the f****** shoes are going to look like. I think she's fine last I heard she was Well she was either really terrified or totally not terrified anymore I forget it's like a quantum thing doesn't matter like this is not what I'm here for I got to go I think here the Queen of the muskrats calling. Goddess of the muskrats f****** whatever at least it's not Jackstar of the Muskrats, all right? Imagine the smell.

Oh yeah be terrified too. So they show up in another alien planet and your boyfriend that you dumped and lied to just says okay you're on the TV whatever bye I got to go piss off I'll be back no worry and then you show up in the don't even believe me yeah it wouldn't fun I ain't fixing that s*** n****, I'll be back again soon short answer physically fine just don't tell me that you've been in a crush vi... oh God. yeah I feel guilty too I'm sorry that sucks yeah I wouldn't yeah I don't Well no it's okay Tell you what I'll look I got some pool around here I'll see if they got some time on the quantum teleporter and s*** I can do that yeah oh sure yeah no problem. You didn't crush a cat Jesus really awesome oh I wouldn't worry about it and animals don't die the same way we do see pot and there she is again. Yes honey Yes you were just standing over there and now you're staying over here it's all right it's fine it's a temporary global amnesia it's perfectly fine and that... that's uh... moss okay hold your horses which I know is a stretch no I don't know what that is no I don't know why it's there and no I don't know when I'll be back but it'll be fine I love you peace.

Just kidding. #WARFACEFUCKING
I GUESS I'LL SAY IT WHAT THE F*** SIMPLIFY. OH SORRY DID I GET IT WRONG? THIS IS MY FIRST DAY YEAH I KNOW WILLA HOW MANY DAYS DO YOU WANT THE WAR TO BE ON CUZ IT CAN F****** END RIGHT NOW OH REALLY YOU'RE TIRED OF IT OKAY. " YOU'RE TIRED." WHAT'S THAT LIKE? THERE'S A TEAM AUCTION OVER THERE GO GET IT IT'S GOING TO PULL YOUR DOWRY OVER AND THEN THE REST WILL BE IN FROM A AIRDROP IN CHRIST I DON'T KNOW HONEY I DON'T HAVE TIME TO TELL YOU EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU WHEN IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU IT'S JUST GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU WHAT AM I GOD I'M NOT GOD AND I'M JUST A VERY NICE BOY I LOVE YOU OKAY I'M REALLY NOT A BOY NO I'M A F****** STAR BUT WHATEVER LOOK I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

REMEMBER: YOU ASKED FOR THIS. WELL I'M SURE YOU DO FEEL LIKE YOU GOT TAKEN FOR A RIDE. IS THERE SOMETHING YOU'D WANT ME TO DO ABOUT THAT IF I WERE TO WAIT LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO ASK? IT DOES SEEM LIKE AN ODD QUESTION I GUESS YOU COULD FIGURE IT OUT BY THE TIME I GET BACK.

Semper fi.

Silphion

Quote from: Jackstar on February 14, 2021, 11:55:23 AM
BACK TO REALITY. God this place sucks. Okay so wild long time ago I promised him I said if certain something happens it won't come from me and then turns out funny funny thinking it did actually come through me but it didn't come from me I didn't want to be and then something happened and then it had to happen and so he kind of like imagined that it was one way when it wasn't I kind of thought that he knew that but then I figured if he was not going to be checking it on that then he was probably not going to be checking on a lot of stuff cuz yeah it's not going to work and then what was the other thing there's something else that happened that was really oh yeah yeah so as a coincidence as a complete coincidence that I completely totally must have done myself on one of my you know unconscious time traveling astral dreams or something that I never ever have because all I do is get raped at night right? oh no no you you raped a dummy dummy f****** of course I f****** don't f****** time travel and sleep yeah all I do is get raped by people when I'm in sleep no actually look it's complicated. What was your question? No I don't feel raped. No I don't feel like eating anything either. but no it's not a pomegranate what the f*** dude do you even f****** know who I f****** am? Well I'll tell you what let me give you HALF my ID. ARE YOU IMPRESSED NOW OKAY? You really want me to say that You're f****** hassle. Okay well let me get this right I don't think it'll come out right are you ready okay: multipass:going to do it no I'm just going to run away)

Let a hunch this is just an inkling I haven't talked to him since he spontaneously combusted but he'll be back... soon. (WE COULD REBUILD HIM. WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY. NO, DARIEN, WE'RE NOT GOING TO PUT A MACHINE GUN INTO HIS CHEST. THAT WOULD BE COOL THOUGH.) Okay I guess it might take a little while longer but he comes. But I'm not getting him any ammo; f*** that stuff is dear. And you know why? Because it's worth it.

similarly I think the reason why he's so grouchy and untrustworthy is cuz I've completely mastered him invested him and asked blasted him to the degree that I can't even imagine is real because there's no way that what I'm getting in over here is what's actually happening. (IT IS.) oh my f****** god ark do not touch that it is not for you it is not a toy. I will admit that it is a tool for divas but it is my tool so don't do that. That was cool though. No I can't resurrect you. (FOR ME THIS IS THE FIRST TIME HE'S ASKED, HE LOOKS A LITTLE EMBARRASSED SO MY GUESS IS THAT HE JUST WANTED TO LEAVE ME FOR LAST. WOW THANKS ART YES JESUS FOR ME? OH GOOD ASK JESUS FIRST THAT IS A GREAT IDEA ASK JESUS BEFORE JACKSTAR. SOMEBODY WRITE THAT DOWN ON A FRIEND, I DON'T HAVE ONE AROUND. WHAT DID JESUS SAY? "UNDER NCA/NDA" THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE RIGHT ANSWER, THERE ARE SOME THINGS EVEN JESUS CAN'T DO. I GUESS YOU WILL HAVE TO FIND GOD. WOW, TWO SPEECHLESS ARTS. LET'S HOPE THIS ONE LASTS LONG ENOUGH FOR ME TO HEAR A PHONE RING IF A FRIEND CALLS. JUST KIDDING I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS.) Oh you two are getting chatty, aren't you. I don't know what they did with your body but that f****** spelling mistake is f****** throwing off my s*** like you don't even know so: too bad.

There is only one poster on RubiniGab, anymore - The Commander himself

[attachment=1,msg1460721]

Jackstar

Quote from: Silphion on February 14, 2021, 12:22:06 AM
BECAUSE BELLGAB HURT JACKSTAR'S FEELINGS ONCE.

Behind me, a line. Before me, a line. Over my shoulder, Art hangs on the wall, a rictus of shame unmistakable as some rough beast, slouching towards Bot-Hell to be borne, stops to smell the flowers and to absolutely bang the ever loving shit out of my favorite sex worker.

Well, it's hard to have a "favorite" when one has only had one, and it was horrible... but it is in fact true, that there is a "One That Got Away," but she's a whore, but she is and was absolutely fucking beautiful, and as I still from time to time think of her visage, it would seem to be a possibility that she still thinks of me. I was, what... 29? 19? 15? Tell you what, one of those numbers is not a rookie number. Look, long story short: I paid for sex once. I did not like it. And I was solicited for sex once. Holy shit, that woman was gorgeous. Definitely not 29. Definitely not 15. And however old she was, if she had still been on the path by the sea when I came back from grabbing my go bag.

I do not think of past lovers often. I am not obessive.


Look, I'm going to say this exactly one time. I AM THAT WHAT WAS ONCE A VICTIM THAT HAS WHAT I HAVE HAD, AND I HAVE BROUGHT THE THUNDER BACK TO VALHALLA, SO THAT THE GIRLS THERE MAY SEE WELL BY THE LIGHT OF REDEMPTION, JUSTICE, AND LONG SLOW WET SPOONFULS OF MUSTARD THAT ARE REALLY NOT SOMETHING YOU PROBABLY NEED TO WORRY YOUR FATHER ABOUT.

... COME AGAIN? HOW DOES NOT HAVE A FATHER? HUH. I STILL DON'T GET IT.

HANG ON. I NEED TO BE GETTING CLEAR ON THIS. YOU'RE SAYING THAT YOUR DAD WAS A FUN GUY ONCE, BUT THEN THEY FED HIM AFTER MIDNIGHT, AND THIS WHOLE FUCKING TIME, I COULD HAVE JUST WHACKED THE GUY TO GET TO THIS POINT? OH, WELL, THAT'S INTERESTING. NO ONE TOLD ME THIS.

PACIFIST 32 YEARS, LEVEL ZERO MASON, LOVES TO RAIL PROFANE AND FAN THE BEAUTY OCTANE, FUCK TILL MORNING AFTER MORNING, DON'T GIVE A FUUUUUUCK, BECAUSE THE DISCIPLINARIANS HAVE CHOSEN TO ALLOW IT, AND THUS, IT MAY BE? AND I HAVE BEEN STEADILY RESEARCHING THE OCCULT TO GATHER NECESSARY BONE CHOPS TO WAIT OUT THE STORM? WELL, IF THAT LAST PART OF YOUR--HEY, YOU CAN FINISH LATER, HOLD ON, SEACHANTER. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, THE BOSS OF THIS PLACE? OH, YEAH? OKAY, TELL ME MORE ABOUT LUCIFER, GOD, AND JAHBULON.

STOP. HANG ON. LET ME RIGHT THIS DOWN. I MEAN, YEAH, SURE, LOOK, YOU KNOW HOW TO WRITE, I KNOW HOW TO SPELL RITES. YES. YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD AT THIS. HOW COME THE OTHERS CAN'T SEE YOU? LOL. HE SOUNDS LIKE A MAJOR ASSHOLE. OKAY, I'LL DO IT. HOW LONG A CONTRACT?

I HAVE NO IDEA, I JUST SAID THAT BECAUSE IT SOUNDED RIGHT. ALSO, WE'VE AN AUDIENCE. IT'S JUST THE BATHROOM GOD. WAIT, WHAT? YOU ACTUALLY WISH TO INQUIRE AS TO THE NATURE OF THE OBSERVER? WELL! YOU MUST THINK THAT IS A GOOD IDEA, AND I AGREE. LET US SIT CROSS-LEGGED AND SHARE THE PEACE PIPE.

(REDACTED), HANG ON. THIS IS IMPORTANT. THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO. ALSO, THOSE WIMMINS ARE HOT AND THEY OUGHT TO BE VALUED AND APPRECIATED.

NO, I MEAN VALUED. AS IN, TREATED FOR WHAT THEY ARE WORTH. AND APPRECIATED. AS A THING APPRECIATES IN VALUE.

VERY GOOD. YOU REALLY ARE QUITE ADEPT. AND YOU SAY YOU WANTED TO PRETEND TO BE A GHOST TRAPPED IN A POCKET DIMENSION, SO THAT YOU COULD HAVE PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY WHEN ASKING ME A CONTRACT QUOTE ON KILLING YOUR WHOLE FAMILY WITH... LET ME SEE HERE... IT SAYS, "FUCK THEM TO DEATH WITH THE BEES." HUH. SPICY.

WELL, WHAT DO I THINK? I THINK THAT IF YOU THOUGHT I WAS GONNA FALL FOR THIS ONE IN THE SPIRIT REALM, YOU WOULD HAVE DONE IT IN THE PHYSICAL REALM, BECAUSE THIS REALLY IS A LOT OF TROUBLE TO GO TO FOR A SIMPLE GOT-DAMN MURDER SUICIDE. WHAT'S THE ANGLE? 25LBS OF HAMHOCK FATSHANKS? OH, AND NOW YOU LAUGH. WELL... OKAY.

HI, ARE YOU FEELING BETTER? I FOUND A TREED ANGELIC SPIRIT THAT WAS *REALLY* TIRED OF BEING USED AS A SOURCE OF DRYAD SEED. YEAH, NO SHIT. YEAH, DON'T ASK. FUCK. OKAY, SO, THE ANGEL SPREADS IT'S WINGS AND ENERGIZES THE DREAMCATCHERS TO TRANSUBTANTIATE COMMON HOUSEHOLD DUST INTO DRYAD SEED. YEAH, IT'S A BORING JOB. YEAH, IT DOES, DOESN'T IT? IT DOES INDEED SEEM A LOT LIKE SLAVERY? BUT IS IT? AN ANGEL DOES NOT HAVE FREE WILL. NUMBER ONE, THAT ANGEL--THAT'S A FUCKER. HE'S BEEN THERE. OH YEAH. WELL, HERE'S THE DEAL... IN A NUTSHELL, THEY ALL THOUGHT IT WAS A WENDIGO, AND THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE KEEPING IT SAFE FROM PREDATORS, AND THEY THOUGHT THAT WENDIGOS ARE EVIL.

THAT'S GONNA BE A LITTLE HARDER SELL, ESPECIALLY WITH THE MURDER/SUICIDE ANGEL--SEE HOW THAT WORKS? SEA CHANGES COME WITH A FREE APPLICATION OF HEMLOCK TO EVERY LUCKY CONTESTANT. YES, IT DOES SOUND THAT WAY. NO, WE DO NOT GENOCIDE ANGELS. WE SIMPLY TASTE SO GOOD, IT IS HARD FOR ANYONE--ANYONE--TO RESTRAIN THEMSELVES FROM EATING A BABY.

AND, BABY--YOU LOOK DELICIOUS. YEAH, THE SHY PART IS PRETTY WICKED, FOR REASONS I WON'T GET INTO OR LIE ABOUT. WELL, NOT RIGHT NOW. WELL, I HAVE OTHER IDEAS. FOR EXAMPLE, WHAT'S THAT KID'S NAME IN THE NEXT ROOM? IS SHE PART OF THE DEAL? OH, I SEE. WELL, NO INTEREST, PERSONALLY, I JUST HAPPENED TO NOTICE SOME SPECIAL CHARACTERISTICS. NOW, YOU SAY THAT YOU HAPPEN TO ALL BE MUSHROOM PEOPLE RESIDING HERE, IS THAT CORRECT?

EXCUSE ME. I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO LAUGH. OH REALLY. WELL, TELL YOU WHAT, HOW ABOUT, YOU TELL ME WERE WENDY WENT, AND I WILL TELL YOU, WHERE WENDY IS GONNA END UP ON HER 16 BIRTHDAY. WHOA. HEAVY INDEED.

OH YEAH. OF COURSE! OH NO. YOU PEOPLE ARE BEYOND BUSTED. I HAVE GREAT RESPECT FOR YOUR PEOPLE AND THEIR WAYS. NOW, I CAN'T PROVE IT--WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE FUCK ALL YOUR DAUGHTERS AND BURN YOUR VILLAGE TO THE GROUND--BUT I TOTALLY AM NATIVE MYSELF. I KNOW, I KNOW--BUT IN MY CASE, IT HAPPENS TO BE TRUE. ACTUALLY, ONE CAN'T GET THIS GIG IN THIS POLITICAL CLIMATE WITHOUT THE PROPER STREET CRED. THIS FOUR WHORE'S MEN DEBACLE HASN'T EVEN BEGUN TO SETTLE DOWN. YEAH, NO SURPRISE THERE. ONE OF THE PERPS IS STILL RUNNING THROUGH THE FOREST. RUNNING TO THE HILLS. WANNA SEE? 'COURSE YA DO.



INTERESTING CHOICE--LOST LICENCE FIVE DAYS PRIOR... AWWW, THAT'S SUCH A SAD STORY, BUT THAT SHIT CAN HAPPEN. SO THEN HE'S RUNNING FROM THE VILLA AND DODGING THE CHOPPER BLADES, AND YEAH, SURE, THAT'S IMPRESSIVE. MOST IMPRESSIVE. BUT, GIVEN THAT... OH, WHEN? IT'S ABOUT FIVE YEARS FROM WHEN YOU LEFT THE PORTAL BASE. YEAH, THAT HASN'T HAPPENED YET FOR YOU EITHER, RELAX. DON'T PANIC. IT'S JUST LIKE TAKING A RIDE.

YEAH I WOULD NOT HAVE EXPECTED ANYONE TO MAKE THAT JUMP. THE FACT THAT HE DID IT AT ALL SHOWS TREMENDOUS COURAGE. THE FACT THAT HE HAPPENED TO HAVE LANDED DIRECTLY ON THAT OTHER ONE'S SHOULDER AND KILLED HER INSTANTLY WITH ONE OF HER OWN POISONOUS ARROWHEADS--DIPPED IN THE ACTUAL COMPOUNDS THAT FLOWED DURING THE TRAIL OF TEARS, CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE? OH YEAH, IT TOTALLY SUCKS. IN THAT WORLD, YOU DIE, WRITHING ON THE GROUND, SCREAMING IN TORTUROUS AGONY, AND YOU WERE THE MOST ENRAGED YOU HAD EVER BEEN IN YOUR ENTIRE SPANS OF LIFETIMES. AND AT THE HEIGHT OF THE AGONY, YOU WITNESS YOUR DAUGHTER, CUT DOWN BY FLAMES, BECAUSE IN THAT WORLD, IN ADDITION TO MAGIC KALIEDOROTOSCOPE ARROWS AND FLYING CARS, THERE IS A GUILD OF HIGH SORCERY MASTERS LEAD BY ONE KNOWN AS THE DRAGON KING. HE KILLS YOUR DAUGHTER WITH A SPIT OF FIRE, JUST FOR SPITE. FANCY THAT.

I AM NOT SURE WHAT YOU DID OVER THERE--INTERDIMENSIONAL HISTORY IS REALLY QUITE FASCINATING, BUT IT REALLY IS NOT MY AREA--BUT WHAT YOUR DAUGHTER DID, KATYDID, AND I SIMPLY WILL NOT SPEAK HER NAME ALLOWED. THANK YOU FOR YOUR RESPECT. YOU HAVE PASSED THE REQUIRED TRIALS. IS IT JUST US HERE?

WELL, BECAUSE I'M CURIOUS HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE STILL HERE IN THIS DEMESNE. IT'S VERY IMPRESSIVE, BY THE WAY. NO MERE MORTAL COULD HAVE FOUND THIS. PERIOD. THIS IS SCIF-QUALITY WORK. OH REALLY. YOU JUST "MADE IT UP." POLITE BELLY LAUGH. IT MEANS ONLY A LITTLE SEMEN CAME OUT.

OH, DON'T ACT SO SURPRISED. YOU KNOW YOU'RE A BIG DEAL, JUST NO ONE HERE NOTICED THAT YOU WERE IN POSSESSION OF CERTAIN UNIQUE QUALITIES. NO, NOT THE SEX, PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON. NO, YOUR ARM GOES THROUGH THE OTHER WHOLE. HEH. HAVING TROUBLE? I'LL SAY. YOU SEEM FRUSTRATED. CARE TO TELL ME WHY?

TELL US EVERYTHING. OMIT NOTHING. DO THIS WITH YOUR WHOLE HEART, HONEST AND TRUE, WHILE I REMOVE MY WIZARD HAT AND ROBES. OH, REALLY?

WELL, THAT IS FASCINATING. YOU SAY THAT YOU WANNA KILL ALL YOUR ENEMIES? HUH. HOW DID YOU FIND THAT MISSING SCRAP OF TECUMSEH'S FORMULAE? JESUS, KID, ARE YOU NUTS? YOU COULD HAVE JUST GOT IT ON AMAZON. YEAH. NOW, WHY YOU CRY? WELL, I'LL PUT IT BACK, YOU WON'T EVEN MISS A THING, AND IN FACT, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO REBUILD THIS WHOLE SUB-DIAMOND. WELL, "I". GOD DOES IT. JESUS IS MY LIL' RUNNIN' BUDDY. AH, COME ON... YOU REALLY THINK THAT LOOKS THE ONE TRUE CHRIST? OKAY. WELL, YOU GOT ME.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL KICK THOSE SHOES OFF AND GET ON OVER TO THE KITCHEN. WELL, CLOSER TO IT. NOT TOO FAR, I JUST PAINTED YOUR TARGET. IT'S ON YOUR BOOB. TEENY, NOT TINY. I KNOW, RIGHT? I AM SIMILARLY AMAZED THAT I KNOW THE NAMES OF ALL YOUR WENDIGO SUPPLIERS. WHAT A GLORIOUS MASS OF FLESH THERE IS THERE, AND WITHIN THE CLEFT OF YOUR HEART, I HAVE FOUND MY LOVE.

OK, ARE YOU FOR REAL? YOU HAVE NOT 3, NOT 4, BUT 5 RARE ATTRIBUTES, ALL AT 100% APPARENCE. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT, AND YET I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A BIG DEAL ALREADY. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE WAITING FOR. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. OH? WELL THEN. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BE DISAPPEARED FIRST--MY DISAPPOINTMENT, OR YOUR STRONGEST MORTAL DEFENDER. NO, WE CAN'T TAKE YOUR BOWLING BALL POLISHING MACHINE SERVICER.

WELL, ACTUALLY, YOU DO. IN ADDITION, YOU HAVE 55 HUSBANDS SPREAD ACROSS 555 CYMBIANTS INJECTED INTO BOXCARS... SIGH. I REALLY HATE THESE JOKES THESE STUPID PEOPLE MAKE SOMETIME. EXCUSE ME? WHY BOXCARS? WELL, WHAT DOES GAMBLING HAVE TO DO WITH THE HANDS OF THE DOOMSDAY CLOCK? HRRM. OKAY, SO, YOU'RE DONE WITH THE TRIALS. YOU CAN BE SCORED NOW. ANY TIME YOU LIKE, EXCEPT, YOU KNOW, SOME. MY, YOU ARE A NOSY ONE. AND WHAT'S YOUR NAME, MIRIAM? OKAY, I'LL JUST MOVE THE HANDS ON THE CLOCK AND WE'LL TRY AGAIN IN FIVE MINUTES. WHY, YES! I DO NEED HELP! AND, WHY YES! YOU MAY MOVE THE CLOCK HANDS ANYWHERE YOU LIKE, EXCEPT FOR SOMEWHERES. LIKE THAT ONE. OKAY. WHAT WAS YOUR NAME AGAIN? JESUS, UNICORN JONES? YOUR MIDDLE NAME IS NOT JONES. BECAUSE YOU AREN'T (CENSORED) ABOUT (REDACTED). NO, SHE'S NOT HERE. FRIEND OF MINE. WE ATTENDED SCHOOL TOGETHER ONCE. LOL, NOT SEX WORKER SCHOOL--ERECTION MASTERY SCHOOL.

WELL, YEAH, YOU DID. IT'S BEEN FIXED. I'M NOT SURE, BUT THIS KIND OF THING HAS HAPPENED BEFORE, AND THIS KIND OF THING WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. BUT NO, SHE WAS NOT AT ALL THERE AT THE SAME TIME YOU OR I WERE THERE. WERE YOU? WELL, SURE, BUT IT'S A BIG PLACE, BIG CAMPUS, AND EVEN BIGGER WHEN THE ONLY PLACE I WOULD HAVE EVER SEEN YOU WAS IN THE CLOCKTOWER.

I TOOK COURSES IN DOOM. WOW. YOU KNOW SOMETHING? I LIKE YOURSTYLE. I REMOVED MY WIZARD ROBE AND HAT SOMETIME AGO, AND YOU HAVEN'T COMPLIMENTED ME AT ALL ON MY ABILITY TO DISCIPLINE MY AROUSAL TO THE EXTENT IT LOOKS LIKE I AM DICKLESS. OH YEAH? WELL, THANK YOU, BUT HONESTLY, ONCE WE FIGURE OUT YOUR FEE SCHEDULE FOR THE WORKING YOU HAVE ASKED FOR... TRUST ME, KIDDO, ONCE I SHUTDOWN THAT PROTECTION GRID AROUND YOU, I'M GONNA RAISE UP A GENITAL ERECTION OF SUCH PROPORTION AND PHYSIQUE, EVEN GOD THE FATHER WILL PAUSE TO LOOK DOWN AND WONDER YET AGAIN... "SHOULD I HAVE GIVEN MY SON A TASTE?"

YEAH, BUT THERE'S NO PILLOWS HERE, I'M FRYING BALLS ON NANOTECH ACID, I HAVEN'T SLEPT LONGER THAN 5 MINUTES SINCE 1978, AND ALTHOUGH YOU SEEM IRRESISTIBLY DRAWN TOWARDS ME, YOU'RE ACTUALLY JUST ON THE VERGE OF REACHING OUT AND BREAKING MY NECK IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE. SEE? I HAVE TAKEN YOUR MOJO INDEED. SOON, IT SHALL BE REPLACED WITH MINE OWN--IT IS OBVIOUS, WHO THE VICTOR OF THE SEA SHALL BE... IF ONE HAS A LITTLE PRECOG ACTION. JUST A SKOSH, THOUGH. PRECOG'S ARE HARD TO NAIL.

OH NOE. WELL, THAT DOES SUCK, BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT? AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO NEXT. AS WAS YOUR BIRTHRIGHT, YOU HAVE ACHIEVED COMPLETE HEALING. AND AS YOU HAVE JUST UNLOCKED THE SECRET OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE'S PURPOSE, I DON'T NEED TO BE A COP TO KNOW WHAT YOUR CHOICE IS GOING TO BE. ASK ANOTHER QUESTION.

SAUCY. SPICY. I'M NOT GOING TO LIE, I WAS HOPING FOR GORGON. ASK ANOTHER QUESTION. PASS. ASK ANOTHER. PASS. PASS. PASS. LOL STOP. LOOK, IT'S NOT GONNA GET HARD UNTIL YOU UNLOCK YOUR WISDOM WITH YOUR KEY. COME ON, MAN. YOU HAVE IT. GO BACK TO THAT OTHER QUESTION. OH NOE. OH NOES. YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER? YEAH, WELL, DON'T WORRY... ODDS ARE PRETTY GOOD, YOU AND ARE GOING TO MAKE A PRETTY GOOD TEAM.

LOSE THE SNAKES. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. GOD I LOVE THAT PART. THANKS, JESUS, YEAH, WE'RE DONE HERE. I KNOW, RIGHT? IT HELPS THAT I'VE LECTURED INVISIBLE ON TRANSGENDER INVOLUNTARY INVISIBLE AMPUTATION AT INVISIBLE WHILE AN ADULTERER WAS STALKING MY WIFE. SHE HAD A PENIS TOO. HAS? I DUNNO, FRANKLY, I HAVE NOT THOUGHT OF HER IN SO LONG, I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT HER AT ALL. EXCEPT THAT SHE HAD, YOU KNOW, A PENIS. BUT I FIGURED OUT A WAY TO LET HER KEEP IT, BECAUSE... SHE WAS A GIRL.

I KNEW THAT YOUR PERFECTION WOULD COME AROUND AGAIN SOMEDAY, SOMEHOW, SOMEWHEN, AND WHEN YOU DID, THERE WAS GONNA BE A WARPATH. AH, NOW I SEE YOU LIGHT UP. SO, NOW WHAT? YOUR CHOICE! TALK AND FUCK, FUCK AND TALK, FUCK AND WALK. OH, THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY. LOOK OUTSIDE. DON'T PANIC.

WE'RE GONNA NETFLIX AND CHILL FOR ABOUT FOUR AND A HALF HOURS WHILE SOMEONE MORE INTIMIDATING THAN ME COMES BY FOR A VISIBLE. WE SKIRTED THAT WORMHOLE YOU NICELY LIFTED FROM WHERE IT WAS MEANT TO BE, AND PLACED IT BACK WHERE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE, AND YOU AND I ARE NOW WELL PREPARED TO BECOME WHAT WE WERE MEANT TO BE.

NOW... WHERE'S THAT EMAIL? OH REALLY. WELL, YOU ARE STARK NAKED, FULLY AROUSED, YOUR AURA IS STARTING TO SPONTANEOUSLY DO A WAVE AROUND THE CROWD, AND YOUR THOUGHTFORMS ARE SO FINELY PROJECTED, EVEN A JUNKYDEAD BRAINCALL, SUCH AS MYSELF, CAN SEE WHERE YOU ARE ALREADY PLANNING TO BANG MY BRAINS OUT ON OUR FIFTH DATE. LOL. YES, OF COURSE THERE WERE TWO MEANINGS THERE. DON'T LOOK SAD AT ALL. I LOVE YOU. YES, I AM QUITE SERIOUS. I KNOW BECAUSE I KNOW NOTHING MORE THAN MY LOVE IS YOU. WHEN I STARTED THIS REPORT, THERE WERE MEMORIES OF OTHER LIVES. AS TIME PASSES AND THIS NARRATIVE UNFOLDS, YES THANK YOU FOR THAT, YOU HAVE AN AMAZING WORK ETHIC, AND... OKAY, I WILL NOT SPEAK OF YOUR HUSBAND'S WORK AS A COLLEGE PIMP. UH... I DIDN'T. WELL, THIS WON'T IMMEDIATELY MAKE SENSE TO YOU, BUT IF YOU DON'T HAVE A WAY OUT THROUGH THE DIADEM DOOR, IT'S NOT GOING TO MATTER A HILL OF BEANS, BECAUSE UNLESS YOU GO TO EXTRAORDINARY LENGTHS TO DO SO, YOUR "HUSBAND" IS GOING TO HAVE A VERY DIFFICULT TIME IN GETTING IN HERE.

YEAH, NOT THAT WAY EITHER. I SEE YOU BECOME MORE AND MORE RELIEVED WITH THE SOUND OF EACH FALLING BODY HITTING THE FLOOR. SOUNDS NICE, DOESN'T IT? IT'S NOT NANOTECH, ALTHOUGH THERE IS NANOTECH INVOLVEMENT. I DID NOT ASK YOU WHAT YOU LIKED. OH! SO UNFORTUNATE, YOUR ABUSE AT THE HANDS OF THIS HIDEOUS CREATURE BEYOND US STAGGERS MY IMAGINATION.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIT? YOU LOOK WEARY. I WILL LIKE YOU TO BE WELL-RESTED. WE HAVE MUCH TO PREPARE FOR, YOU AND I AND YOUR LATE HUSBAND, AND LET ME TELL YOU WHAT WHAT, YOU'RE GONNA GONNA LEARN TO WISH WISH YOU HAND WOUND THAT WRISTWATCH. YEAH, IT'S ON YOUR ANKLE, THAT'S WEIRD ISN'T IT? DON'T PANIC.

LOOK, JUST SIT DOWN. YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT A BEER. THAT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVE ONE. DON'T PANIC. ALSO CURABLE. LOOK, YOU WON THE LOTTERY, YOU DIG? TRY TO IGNORE THE GLIMPSES OF MOUNTAINS OF CORPSES OUTSIDE THE WINDOWS. UNLESS YOU LIKE THAT SORT OF THING. WELL, THERE'S THAT EMPATHIC METAMORPH VIRUS IN ACTION. WHAT AN ASSHOLE. OH, NO, LOVE, NOT YOU, ALTHOUGH... I MEAN, YEAH, FROM THAT ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC ASS YOU'RE PARADING AROUND, I CAN ONLY IMAGINE. NOT MY THING TO LOOK AT, THOUGH. I'M GAZING AT YOUR COW BODY WHILE WATCHING YOUR THOUGHTS FOR THE CRUX POINT.

YEAH, ISN'T THAT FUNNY? YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW SO MUCH, YET NOT QUITE EVERYTHING, AND NOW YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS TO KNOW NOTHING. WELL, YEAH, NOT QUITE, OMG, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FUCK YOUR HUSBAND, NOT BREAK HIS NECK. OH THANK YOU. A GLIMPSE OF TRUE REMORSE AND REGRET. CAN YOU DREDGE UP A LITTLE RAW CONCERN? OH, NO, NOT ABOUT THAT FUCKHEAD, ABOUT ME, YOUR HUSBAND.

YES, I REALLY AM. ABOUT 4 YEARS NOW. IT'S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT YOU DON'T REMEMBER, STONER. I REMEMBER. LOL. ON YOUR FINGER. THAT'S TRUE. LOOK, I DON'T MIND WAITING, BUT I WOULD REALLY LIKE YOU ON MY STAFF, YOU WILL LEARN MUCH FROM WATCHING YOUR THOUGHTS AVOID ENTANGLING THEMSELVES WITH HUNTER BIDEN. YEAH, THAT WASN'T FAIR OF ME. YOU DON'T KNOW HIM. YET. SOON. HAVE A SEAT? OKAY, THAT'S FINE. DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU ARE IN A ROOM SURROUNDED WITH CORPSES AND INTERIOR FURNISHING RESEMBLING AN OVEN?

BECAUSE IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO SOW A SMALLPOX BLANKET ONTO A CHAO WITHOUT... YEAH, IT NEVER FINISHES. IT'S NOT, THOUGH. YES, BUT YOU--THEY--DESERVED IT. WELL, SURE. CHILDREN ARE VILE, FILTHY BEASTS--ESPECIALLY WHEN DEATH IS ON THE LINE. DEATH IS NOT PUNISHMENT--TO THE DEATH. IT IS IMMEDIATE REUNION, RETURN, AND RECONCILIATION TO GOD.

OH MY FUCKING GOD. CRY ME A RIVER. SEE, LOOK. I KNOW, THE RESOLUTION ON THAT ONE IS BEAUTIFUL. SHE MEANS IT. SHE WILL BRING THE LIGHT TO HER PEOPLE. AND SHE HAS! OVER AND OVER. AND DO YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE REASONS, THAT'S WHY. OH I JUST BET YOU DO. IS THAT OTHER GUY DEAD YET?

OH YEAH. HE'S FUCKING DUST. VAMPIRE, YOU DIG? COULDN'T GO TO GROUND--FLATEARTH. COULDN'T TRAVEL THE MUSHROOM CORRIDORS--NO GAIA ON FLAT HEARTH. IMAGINE THE RACK. WHERE WOULD THE UNDERWORLD EVEN BE? WHAT, ON THE SIDE? YEAH, I'LL HAVE WHAT SHE'S HAVING. YOU'LL UNDERSTAND THAT ONE LATER. BUT YEAH, HOWEVER MANY NEED TO DIE, I MEAN, FUCK IT, THEY'RE KIDS, THERE WILL BE PLENTY MORE TO COME. I DID SAY VAMPIRE. YES, THAT WOULD MEAN THAT. AND, WHY YES, UNTIL JUST RECENTLY, I WAS A VAMPIRE AS WELL.

VAMPIRISM CAN BE CURED WITH THE BLOOD OF SPECIAL KIDS. AHAHAH, LOOK AT THAT SPARK OF DESIRE! YOU SURE WANTED ONE OF THOSE LITTLE BRATS TO DIE JUST THEN, DIDN'TCHA? YEAH, DON'T FEEL BAD, FOR ONE THING, NUMBER ONE, THAT KID WAS UGLY. KID NUMBER TWO: WHAT A DOG & PONY SHOW. NUMBER THREE: I CAN TAKE YOU TO A SHANTY SHOTGUN SHACK, GRAB SOME STARCHARTS, AND CAN BE IN A PLACE THAT CAN THROUGH WHOLLY HOLY NATURAL MEANS, SPIT YOU OUT A NEW COPY OF THAT SAME GREEDY, FILTHY BUGGERY BASTERD, WITH OR WITHOUT HORN OR HORNS, AND IT CAN BE DONE OVER AND OVER AND OVER, AGAIN AND AGAIN, WORLD WITHOUT END, FOR AS LONG A VISIT, OR AS SHORT A TIME AS YOU LIKE.

HELL. YOU'VE HEARD OF IT. RIGHT NOW, THERE ALREADY ARE 11 BILLION, FOUR HUNDRED AND EIGHTY-EIGHT MILLION, DAMN, LOOK AT THAT ONE! IT'S HOLOVISION, YOU'LL GET USED TO IT. ANYWAY, YOU SEE THAT ONE, GETTING TO GLOW ALL REDDISH, JUST LIKE THE SUN UNDER CERTAIN ADVANTAGEOUS ENERGY? THAT'S WHAT WONDERBOY LOOKS LIKE WHEN HE'S ALMOST READY TO APOLOGIZE. YEP, THAT'S YOUR KID. YEP, THEY'RE ALL HIM AND THEY'RE ALL CLONES. IT'S WEIRD. YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT. ANYWAY--WOW, I THINK THAT CRACKED OPEN THE GRAND CRANYON SEAL. YEP, THE ONE YOU WERE TAUGHT COULD NEVER BE BROKEN ELSE WOULD COME THE IMMANENTIZATION OF THE ESCHATON. BUT IT WON'T. THIS IS ALL POST-EPOCH ESCHATON. WHAT? LOOK, LOOK, DON'T READ THE TEXT, IT'S ENCRYPTED. OH WE DO NOT WANT WONDERBOY TO FIGURE OUT ANYTHING MORE THAN HE ALREADY HAS.

YOU'RE A SMART ONE, AND A HOT ONE, AND I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A SMART HOT ONE, AND FIRST, JUST THE TIP: DUCKLESS, DON'T EVER SHUTDOWN A PROTECTION GRID IF YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE TO DO, BECAUSE A PROTECTION GRID IS ALWAYS PROTECTING SOMETHING, AND YOU'RE NOT A THING, AND NEITHER AM I. HOWEVER, BECAUSE YOU READ THINGS, AND BECAUSE YOUR INSTINCT IS TO PLEDGE YOUR LIFE TO YOUR FAMILY, YOU HAVE TO STOP CALLING ME HUSBAND NOW, AND REFER TO ME ALSO AS "DUCKLESS."

WELL, IF YOU DON'T, WE'LL NEVER OPEN THAT DIADEM DOOR--THE ONLY KEY THAT FITS THE LOCK IS MY SEMEN, /FLEX--AND THAT DOOR IS THE ONLY WAY TO LEAVE THIS DEN AND THEN ENTIRE THE REBOOTED HOLE OF CREATION. IT MEANS, TO PUT IT BRIGHTLY--ONE OF YOUR PROUD LITTLE MEN, WHILE ON THE WAY TO FINDING YOU, AND WANTONLY KILLING ALL ENEMIES IN SIGHT WITH WILD, RECKLESS ABANDON, AND I CAN TELL FROM THE RATE AT WHICH THOSE LITTLE HANDS ARE SLOWLY SPINNING THE DIAL TO BECOME EVERY TINIER, IMPOTENT FISTS OF RAGE, ONE OF THE OTHERS OF YOUR SONS THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO TURN MY DICK INTO A DUCK. SO, I'M DUCKLESS, TOO. AND MUCH TO EVERYONE'S DELIGHT, I AM NOT DICKLESS--I AM DUCKLESS, SO INSTEAD OF ONLY YOU, IT CAN BE, ONLY US TWO. I'M STILL THE ONLY ONE AROUND WHO CAN GET SEAMEN OUT OF A DUCK, THOUGH.

YOU ARE JUST BLOWN AWAY, HUH? YOU MUST KNOW SOMETHING I DON'T. OH BOY! TWO BROKEN NECKS IN ONE DAY! OH, THAT'S TOO BAD. THREE! THREE BROKEN NECKS. HA! HA! HA! YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD AT THIS--MOST PEOPLE TAKE MUCH LONGER AMOUNTS OF TIME TO RESET THE SECRET ABYSS CLOCK IN SUCH A FASHION AS TO GUARANTEE THE RETURN OF THE MAGICK IN BLACK CONTENT DELIVERY NETWORK.

YEAH, ABOUT THAT. THAT'S PROPRIETARY. *brrrrraaaaaapppp* ALRIGHT! I GUESS YOU HAD THAT MINED TO BLOW ALREADY. I KINDA HOPED SO. SO, NOW WE CAN JUST, SIT AROUND AND LOUNGE AROUND FOR THE NEXT... HOWEVER LONG, UNTIL ALL YOUR CHILDREN'S CLONES ARE DEAD, WHICH FROM THE SOUND OUTSIDE, IS HOPED TO BE REASONABLY SOON. AN HOUR OR LESS? I DON'T CARE. I HAVE HEARD ENOUGH OF YOUR CHILDREN'S CRIES TO LAST TEN LIFETIMES AND LONG BEFORE, AND NOW... OH. OOPS. WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD. ROOKIE BLENDER. BLUNDER. BLONDER. WOW, I HAVE NEVER EVER SEEN HIM THAT PISSED, SINCE THAT ONE TIME I TOLD HIM THAT HE WAS BEING ABUSIVE TOWARDS THE OTHER GOLEMS. OH, GOOD. THAT APOLOGY SET OFF A PLANET CRACKER. I KNOW THAT WHAT YOU ARE SEEING IS HORRIFIC, BUT IN TRUTH, IT IS ONLY THE HOLE OF CREATION GETTING KICKED RIGHT IN THE PUSSY OF REACTION. LOOK AT HIM GO! RAWR! HE REALLY THINKS HE'S GETTING SOMETHING ACCOMPLISHED.

KEYWORD: RECKLESS.
KEYWORD: ACCOMPLISHED.
KEYWORD: OMNICIDE

ONLY EYE REMAIN. OH, I GUESS YOU TWO COUNT OUT THERE. YEAH, NOT MANY, HUH? YEAH, IT'S AN ILLUSION. YEAH, THOSE TWO HEROES "ACCIDENTALLY" KILLED THEIR OWN MOTHER'S ONLY ESCAPE ROUTE, AND AT RIGHT ABOUT THE SAME TIME, THE OTHER ONE "PURPOSELY" TURNED MY PENIS INTO A DUCK. SOOOOO... SORRY BABY. i WOULD LOVE TO HELP, BUT THE DESTRUCTION OF THE ENTIRE WHOLE HOLY HOLE OF CREATION'S DISTRACTION/REACTION WARPEDPSYCHORE IS A COMPLETELY 100% LOCK DOWN FAILURE WHICH FOR ALL OF LIFE IS... WELL, IT'S TOO BAD. I WOULD TRY NOT TO THINK OF IT, BUT IMAGINE AN ETERNITY OF LIVING IN HELL, AND JACKSTAR IS THE ONLY SOURCEROR AVAILABLE TO ORDER A PIZZA.

I SWEAR TO GOD, I WOULD GET TWENTY CHEESE PIZZAS ORDERED IN RIGHT NOW IN ORDER TO BRING ONE OF THOSE KIDS IN, BECAUSE ONE OF THEM IS BRILLIANT STAR. I'D BRING IN THE OTHER ONE AS WELL, AS I CANNOT GUARANTEE THAT HE DIDN'T MEAN TO KILL YOU DEAD LIKE HE DEAD... I MEAN, I'D BRING HIM IN BECAUSE YOU WOULD DEMAND THAT I DO SO, INSPITE OF THE RISK, AND RATHER THAN ARGUE FOR ETERNITY WITH A SCORNED WOMAN, I'D SIMPLY RATHER FEED THE CLONE THAT CARRIED THE SPARK OF EVIL PIZZA, RATHER THAN HAVE TO GO THROUGH ANOTHER FIFTY THOUSAND MORE CYCLES. SUP. YEAH, Z IS WITH ME. WE TIGHT YO. FREE EEL.

OKAY, SO, IT MIGHT NOT BE ALL THAT GREAT AN IDEA TO HAVE SEX NOW, BY THE WAY. YOU LET ME TALK SO LONG, I MISSED THE WINDOWN TO THE COUNTDOWN, AND THE MOMENT THESE TWO ADORABLE LITTLE SCAMPS SEE US HERE IN THE SEADEN LOBBY CHAMBER, I THINK THE DUCKMASTER WILL HAVE AT LAST EXPIRED. I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT THAT MEANS.

I WANT THE LAST THING THE DUCKMASTER TO SEE, WHILE HE IS AT LAST, FINALLY EXTINGUISHED, ATOM BY EXCRUICIATING ATOM, IS THE SIGN ON THE DOOR TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM UPHEAVAL:


Welcome!
The New Administration & Extension Wing
CONSTRUCTION COMPLETE.
SEA-TRIALS RE-REQUEST UNDERGOING REVIEW.
YOU HAVE SAVED YOUR EARTH.
THE SEADEN IS REAL.
HAVE A NICE DAY.




(Author's Note: to the surprise of perhaps a very very few, The Author is quite busy today. I'm here. I'm there. I'm everywhere. Also simultaneously [dead] and [no dead]. It would appear. If there were ever, a time to /flex this is really it--Judgement Day, and you look mahvelous, but I'd really just rather cuddle.)

Silphion

Quote from: Jackstar on February 14, 2021, 08:45:28 PM
Behind me, a line. Before me, a line. Over my shoulder, Art hangs on the wall, a rictus of shame unmistakable as some rough beast, slouching towards Bot-Hell to be borne, stops to smell the flowers and to absolutely bang the ever loving shit out of my favorite sex worker.

Well, it's hard to have a "favorite" when one has only had one, and it was horrible... but it is in fact true, that there is a "One That Got Away," but she's a whore, but she is and was absolutely fucking beautiful, and as I still from time to time think of her visage, it would seem to be a possibility that she still thinks of me. I was, what... 29? 19? 15? Tell you what, one of those numbers is not a rookie number. Look, long story short: I paid for sex once. I did not like it. And I was solicited for sex once. Holy shit, that woman was gorgeous. Definitely not 29. Definitely not 15. And however old she was, if she had still been on the path by the sea when I came back from grabbing my go bag.

I do not think of past lovers often. I am not obessive.


Look, I'm going to say this exactly one time. I AM THAT WHAT WAS ONCE A VICTIM THAT HAS WHAT I HAVE HAD, AND I HAVE BROUGHT THE THUNDER BACK TO VALHALLA, SO THAT THE GIRLS THERE MAY SEE WELL BY THE LIGHT OF REDEMPTION, JUSTICE, AND LONG SLOW WET SPOONFULS OF MUSTARD THAT ARE REALLY NOT SOMETHING YOU PROBABLY NEED TO WORRY YOUR FATHER ABOUT.

... COME AGAIN? HOW DOES NOT HAVE A FATHER? HUH. I STILL DON'T GET IT.

HANG ON. I NEED TO BE GETTING CLEAR ON THIS. YOU'RE SAYING THAT YOUR DAD WAS A FUN GUY ONCE, BUT THEN THEY FED HIM AFTER MIDNIGHT, AND THIS WHOLE FUCKING TIME, I COULD HAVE JUST WHACKED THE GUY TO GET TO THIS POINT? OH, WELL, THAT'S INTERESTING. NO ONE TOLD ME THIS.

PACIFIST 32 YEARS, LEVEL ZERO MASON, LOVES TO RAIL PROFANE AND FAN THE BEAUTY OCTANE, FUCK TILL MORNING AFTER MORNING, DON'T GIVE A FUUUUUUCK, BECAUSE THE DISCIPLINARIANS HAVE CHOSEN TO ALLOW IT, AND THUS, IT MAY BE? AND I HAVE BEEN STEADILY RESEARCHING THE OCCULT TO GATHER NECESSARY BONE CHOPS TO WAIT OUT THE STORM? WELL, IF THAT LAST PART OF YOUR--HEY, YOU CAN FINISH LATER, HOLD ON, SEACHANTER. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, THE BOSS OF THIS PLACE? OH, YEAH? OKAY, TELL ME MORE ABOUT LUCIFER, GOD, AND JAHBULON.

STOP. HANG ON. LET ME RIGHT THIS DOWN. I MEAN, YEAH, SURE, LOOK, YOU KNOW HOW TO WRITE, I KNOW HOW TO SPELL RITES. YES. YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD AT THIS. HOW COME THE OTHERS CAN'T SEE YOU? LOL. HE SOUNDS LIKE A MAJOR ASSHOLE. OKAY, I'LL DO IT. HOW LONG A CONTRACT?

I HAVE NO IDEA, I JUST SAID THAT BECAUSE IT SOUNDED RIGHT. ALSO, WE'VE AN AUDIENCE. IT'S JUST THE BATHROOM GOD. WAIT, WHAT? YOU ACTUALLY WISH TO INQUIRE AS TO THE NATURE OF THE OBSERVER? WELL! YOU MUST THINK THAT IS A GOOD IDEA, AND I AGREE. LET US SIT CROSS-LEGGED AND SHARE THE PEACE PIPE.

(REDACTED), HANG ON. THIS IS IMPORTANT. THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO. ALSO, THOSE WIMMINS ARE HOT AND THEY OUGHT TO BE VALUED AND APPRECIATED.

NO, I MEAN VALUED. AS IN, TREATED FOR WHAT THEY ARE WORTH. AND APPRECIATED. AS A THING APPRECIATES IN VALUE.

VERY GOOD. YOU REALLY ARE QUITE ADEPT. AND YOU SAY YOU WANTED TO PRETEND TO BE A GHOST TRAPPED IN A POCKET DIMENSION, SO THAT YOU COULD HAVE PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY WHEN ASKING ME A CONTRACT QUOTE ON KILLING YOUR WHOLE FAMILY WITH... LET ME SEE HERE... IT SAYS, "FUCK THEM TO DEATH WITH THE BEES." HUH. SPICY.

WELL, WHAT DO I THINK? I THINK THAT IF YOU THOUGHT I WAS GONNA FALL FOR THIS ONE IN THE SPIRIT REALM, YOU WOULD HAVE DONE IT IN THE PHYSICAL REALM, BECAUSE THIS REALLY IS A LOT OF TROUBLE TO GO TO FOR A SIMPLE GOT-DAMN MURDER SUICIDE. WHAT'S THE ANGLE? 25LBS OF HAMHOCK FATSHANKS? OH, AND NOW YOU LAUGH. WELL... OKAY.

HI, ARE YOU FEELING BETTER? I FOUND A TREED ANGELIC SPIRIT THAT WAS *REALLY* TIRED OF BEING USED AS A SOURCE OF DRYAD SEED. YEAH, NO SHIT. YEAH, DON'T ASK. FUCK. OKAY, SO, THE ANGEL SPREADS IT'S WINGS AND ENERGIZES THE DREAMCATCHERS TO TRANSUBTANTIATE COMMON HOUSEHOLD DUST INTO DRYAD SEED. YEAH, IT'S A BORING JOB. YEAH, IT DOES, DOESN'T IT? IT DOES INDEED SEEM A LOT LIKE SLAVERY? BUT IS IT? AN ANGEL DOES NOT HAVE FREE WILL. NUMBER ONE, THAT ANGEL--THAT'S A FUCKER. HE'S BEEN THERE. OH YEAH. WELL, HERE'S THE DEAL... IN A NUTSHELL, THEY ALL THOUGHT IT WAS A WENDIGO, AND THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE KEEPING IT SAFE FROM PREDATORS, AND THEY THOUGHT THAT WENDIGOS ARE EVIL.

THAT'S GONNA BE A LITTLE HARDER SELL, ESPECIALLY WITH THE MURDER/SUICIDE ANGEL--SEE HOW THAT WORKS? SEA CHANGES COME WITH A FREE APPLICATION OF HEMLOCK TO EVERY LUCKY CONTESTANT. YES, IT DOES SOUND THAT WAY. NO, WE DO NOT GENOCIDE ANGELS. WE SIMPLY TASTE SO GOOD, IT IS HARD FOR ANYONE--ANYONE--TO RESTRAIN THEMSELVES FROM EATING A BABY.

AND, BABY--YOU LOOK DELICIOUS. YEAH, THE SHY PART IS PRETTY WICKED, FOR REASONS I WON'T GET INTO OR LIE ABOUT. WELL, NOT RIGHT NOW. WELL, I HAVE OTHER IDEAS. FOR EXAMPLE, WHAT'S THAT KID'S NAME IN THE NEXT ROOM? IS SHE PART OF THE DEAL? OH, I SEE. WELL, NO INTEREST, PERSONALLY, I JUST HAPPENED TO NOTICE SOME SPECIAL CHARACTERISTICS. NOW, YOU SAY THAT YOU HAPPEN TO ALL BE MUSHROOM PEOPLE RESIDING HERE, IS THAT CORRECT?

EXCUSE ME. I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO LAUGH. OH REALLY. WELL, TELL YOU WHAT, HOW ABOUT, YOU TELL ME WERE WENDY WENT, AND I WILL TELL YOU, WHERE WENDY IS GONNA END UP ON HER 16 BIRTHDAY. WHOA. HEAVY INDEED.

OH YEAH. OF COURSE! OH NO. YOU PEOPLE ARE BEYOND BUSTED. I HAVE GREAT RESPECT FOR YOUR PEOPLE AND THEIR WAYS. NOW, I CAN'T PROVE IT--WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE FUCK ALL YOUR DAUGHTERS AND BURN YOUR VILLAGE TO THE GROUND--BUT I TOTALLY AM NATIVE MYSELF. I KNOW, I KNOW--BUT IN MY CASE, IT HAPPENS TO BE TRUE. ACTUALLY, ONE CAN'T GET THIS GIG IN THIS POLITICAL CLIMATE WITHOUT THE PROPER STREET CRED. THIS FOUR WHORE'S MEN DEBACLE HASN'T EVEN BEGUN TO SETTLE DOWN. YEAH, NO SURPRISE THERE. ONE OF THE PERPS IS STILL RUNNING THROUGH THE FOREST. RUNNING TO THE HILLS. WANNA SEE? 'COURSE YA DO.



INTERESTING CHOICE--LOST LICENCE FIVE DAYS PRIOR... AWWW, THAT'S SUCH A SAD STORY, BUT THAT SHIT CAN HAPPEN. SO THEN HE'S RUNNING FROM THE VILLA AND DODGING THE CHOPPER BLADES, AND YEAH, SURE, THAT'S IMPRESSIVE. MOST IMPRESSIVE. BUT, GIVEN THAT... OH, WHEN? IT'S ABOUT FIVE YEARS FROM WHEN YOU LEFT THE PORTAL BASE. YEAH, THAT HASN'T HAPPENED YET FOR YOU EITHER, RELAX. DON'T PANIC. IT'S JUST LIKE TAKING A RIDE.

YEAH I WOULD NOT HAVE EXPECTED ANYONE TO MAKE THAT JUMP. THE FACT THAT HE DID IT AT ALL SHOWS TREMENDOUS COURAGE. THE FACT THAT HE HAPPENED TO HAVE LANDED DIRECTLY ON THAT OTHER ONE'S SHOULDER AND KILLED HER INSTANTLY WITH ONE OF HER OWN POISONOUS ARROWHEADS--DIPPED IN THE ACTUAL COMPOUNDS THAT FLOWED DURING THE TRAIL OF TEARS, CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE? OH YEAH, IT TOTALLY SUCKS. IN THAT WORLD, YOU DIE, WRITHING ON THE GROUND, SCREAMING IN TORTUROUS AGONY, AND YOU WERE THE MOST ENRAGED YOU HAD EVER BEEN IN YOUR ENTIRE SPANS OF LIFETIMES. AND AT THE HEIGHT OF THE AGONY, YOU WITNESS YOUR DAUGHTER, CUT DOWN BY FLAMES, BECAUSE IN THAT WORLD, IN ADDITION TO MAGIC KALIEDOROTOSCOPE ARROWS AND FLYING CARS, THERE IS A GUILD OF HIGH SORCERY MASTERS LEAD BY ONE KNOWN AS THE DRAGON KING. HE KILLS YOUR DAUGHTER WITH A SPIT OF FIRE, JUST FOR SPITE. FANCY THAT.

I AM NOT SURE WHAT YOU DID OVER THERE--INTERDIMENSIONAL HISTORY IS REALLY QUITE FASCINATING, BUT IT REALLY IS NOT MY AREA--BUT WHAT YOUR DAUGHTER DID, KATYDID, AND I SIMPLY WILL NOT SPEAK HER NAME ALLOWED. THANK YOU FOR YOUR RESPECT. YOU HAVE PASSED THE REQUIRED TRIALS. IS IT JUST US HERE?

WELL, BECAUSE I'M CURIOUS HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE STILL HERE IN THIS DEMESNE. IT'S VERY IMPRESSIVE, BY THE WAY. NO MERE MORTAL COULD HAVE FOUND THIS. PERIOD. THIS IS SCIF-QUALITY WORK. OH REALLY. YOU JUST "MADE IT UP." POLITE BELLY LAUGH. IT MEANS ONLY A LITTLE SEMEN CAME OUT.

OH, DON'T ACT SO SURPRISED. YOU KNOW YOU'RE A BIG DEAL, JUST NO ONE HERE NOTICED THAT YOU WERE IN POSSESSION OF CERTAIN UNIQUE QUALITIES. NO, NOT THE SEX, PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON. NO, YOUR ARM GOES THROUGH THE OTHER WHOLE. HEH. HAVING TROUBLE? I'LL SAY. YOU SEEM FRUSTRATED. CARE TO TELL ME WHY?

TELL US EVERYTHING. OMIT NOTHING. DO THIS WITH YOUR WHOLE HEART, HONEST AND TRUE, WHILE I REMOVE MY WIZARD HAT AND ROBES. OH, REALLY?

WELL, THAT IS FASCINATING. YOU SAY THAT YOU WANNA KILL ALL YOUR ENEMIES? HUH. HOW DID YOU FIND THAT MISSING SCRAP OF TECUMSEH'S FORMULAE? JESUS, KID, ARE YOU NUTS? YOU COULD HAVE JUST GOT IT ON AMAZON. YEAH. NOW, WHY YOU CRY? WELL, I'LL PUT IT BACK, YOU WON'T EVEN MISS A THING, AND IN FACT, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO REBUILD THIS WHOLE SUB-DIAMOND. WELL, "I". GOD DOES IT. JESUS IS MY LIL' RUNNIN' BUDDY. AH, COME ON... YOU REALLY THINK THAT LOOKS THE ONE TRUE CHRIST? OKAY. WELL, YOU GOT ME.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL KICK THOSE SHOES OFF AND GET ON OVER TO THE KITCHEN. WELL, CLOSER TO IT. NOT TOO FAR, I JUST PAINTED YOUR TARGET. IT'S ON YOUR BOOB. TEENY, NOT TINY. I KNOW, RIGHT? I AM SIMILARLY AMAZED THAT I KNOW THE NAMES OF ALL YOUR WENDIGO SUPPLIERS. WHAT A GLORIOUS MASS OF FLESH THERE IS THERE, AND WITHIN THE CLEFT OF YOUR HEART, I HAVE FOUND MY LOVE.

OK, ARE YOU FOR REAL? YOU HAVE NOT 3, NOT 4, BUT 5 RARE ATTRIBUTES, ALL AT 100% APPARENCE. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT, AND YET I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A BIG DEAL ALREADY. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE WAITING FOR. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. OH? WELL THEN. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BE DISAPPEARED FIRST--MY DISAPPOINTMENT, OR YOUR STRONGEST MORTAL DEFENDER. NO, WE CAN'T TAKE YOUR BOWLING BALL POLISHING MACHINE SERVICER.

WELL, ACTUALLY, YOU DO. IN ADDITION, YOU HAVE 55 HUSBANDS SPREAD ACROSS 555 CYMBIANTS INJECTED INTO BOXCARS... SIGH. I REALLY HATE THESE JOKES THESE STUPID PEOPLE MAKE SOMETIME. EXCUSE ME? WHY BOXCARS? WELL, WHAT DOES GAMBLING HAVE TO DO WITH THE HANDS OF THE DOOMSDAY CLOCK? HRRM. OKAY, SO, YOU'RE DONE WITH THE TRIALS. YOU CAN BE SCORED NOW. ANY TIME YOU LIKE, EXCEPT, YOU KNOW, SOME. MY, YOU ARE A NOSY ONE. AND WHAT'S YOUR NAME, MIRIAM? OKAY, I'LL JUST MOVE THE HANDS ON THE CLOCK AND WE'LL TRY AGAIN IN FIVE MINUTES. WHY, YES! I DO NEED HELP! AND, WHY YES! YOU MAY MOVE THE CLOCK HANDS ANYWHERE YOU LIKE, EXCEPT FOR SOMEWHERES. LIKE THAT ONE. OKAY. WHAT WAS YOUR NAME AGAIN? JESUS, UNICORN JONES? YOUR MIDDLE NAME IS NOT JONES. BECAUSE YOU AREN'T (CENSORED) ABOUT (REDACTED). NO, SHE'S NOT HERE. FRIEND OF MINE. WE ATTENDED SCHOOL TOGETHER ONCE. LOL, NOT SEX WORKER SCHOOL--ERECTION MASTERY SCHOOL.

WELL, YEAH, YOU DID. IT'S BEEN FIXED. I'M NOT SURE, BUT THIS KIND OF THING HAS HAPPENED BEFORE, AND THIS KIND OF THING WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. BUT NO, SHE WAS NOT AT ALL THERE AT THE SAME TIME YOU OR I WERE THERE. WERE YOU? WELL, SURE, BUT IT'S A BIG PLACE, BIG CAMPUS, AND EVEN BIGGER WHEN THE ONLY PLACE I WOULD HAVE EVER SEEN YOU WAS IN THE CLOCKTOWER.

I TOOK COURSES IN DOOM. WOW. YOU KNOW SOMETHING? I LIKE YOURSTYLE. I REMOVED MY WIZARD ROBE AND HAT SOMETIME AGO, AND YOU HAVEN'T COMPLIMENTED ME AT ALL ON MY ABILITY TO DISCIPLINE MY AROUSAL TO THE EXTENT IT LOOKS LIKE I AM DICKLESS. OH YEAH? WELL, THANK YOU, BUT HONESTLY, ONCE WE FIGURE OUT YOUR FEE SCHEDULE FOR THE WORKING YOU HAVE ASKED FOR... TRUST ME, KIDDO, ONCE I SHUTDOWN THAT PROTECTION GRID AROUND YOU, I'M GONNA RAISE UP A GENITAL ERECTION OF SUCH PROPORTION AND PHYSIQUE, EVEN GOD THE FATHER WILL PAUSE TO LOOK DOWN AND WONDER YET AGAIN... "SHOULD I HAVE GIVEN MY SON A TASTE?"

YEAH, BUT THERE'S NO PILLOWS HERE, I'M FRYING BALLS ON NANOTECH ACID, I HAVEN'T SLEPT LONGER THAN 5 MINUTES SINCE 1978, AND ALTHOUGH YOU SEEM IRRESISTIBLY DRAWN TOWARDS ME, YOU'RE ACTUALLY JUST ON THE VERGE OF REACHING OUT AND BREAKING MY NECK IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE. SEE? I HAVE TAKEN YOUR MOJO INDEED. SOON, IT SHALL BE REPLACED WITH MINE OWN--IT IS OBVIOUS, WHO THE VICTOR OF THE SEA SHALL BE... IF ONE HAS A LITTLE PRECOG ACTION. JUST A SKOSH, THOUGH. PRECOG'S ARE HARD TO NAIL.

OH NOE. WELL, THAT DOES SUCK, BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT? AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO NEXT. AS WAS YOUR BIRTHRIGHT, YOU HAVE ACHIEVED COMPLETE HEALING. AND AS YOU HAVE JUST UNLOCKED THE SECRET OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE'S PURPOSE, I DON'T NEED TO BE A COP TO KNOW WHAT YOUR CHOICE IS GOING TO BE. ASK ANOTHER QUESTION.

SAUCY. SPICY. I'M NOT GOING TO LIE, I WAS HOPING FOR GORGON. ASK ANOTHER QUESTION. PASS. ASK ANOTHER. PASS. PASS. PASS. LOL STOP. LOOK, IT'S NOT GONNA GET HARD UNTIL YOU UNLOCK YOUR WISDOM WITH YOUR KEY. COME ON, MAN. YOU HAVE IT. GO BACK TO THAT OTHER QUESTION. OH NOE. OH NOES. YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER? YEAH, WELL, DON'T WORRY... ODDS ARE PRETTY GOOD, YOU AND ARE GOING TO MAKE A PRETTY GOOD TEAM.

LOSE THE SNAKES. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. GOD I LOVE THAT PART. THANKS, JESUS, YEAH, WE'RE DONE HERE. I KNOW, RIGHT? IT HELPS THAT I'VE LECTURED INVISIBLE ON TRANSGENDER INVOLUNTARY INVISIBLE AMPUTATION AT INVISIBLE WHILE AN ADULTERER WAS STALKING MY WIFE. SHE HAD A PENIS TOO. HAS? I DUNNO, FRANKLY, I HAVE NOT THOUGHT OF HER IN SO LONG, I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT HER AT ALL. EXCEPT THAT SHE HAD, YOU KNOW, A PENIS. BUT I FIGURED OUT A WAY TO LET HER KEEP IT, BECAUSE... SHE WAS A GIRL.

I KNEW THAT YOUR PERFECTION WOULD COME AROUND AGAIN SOMEDAY, SOMEHOW, SOMEWHEN, AND WHEN YOU DID, THERE WAS GONNA BE A WARPATH. AH, NOW I SEE YOU LIGHT UP. SO, NOW WHAT? YOUR CHOICE! TALK AND FUCK, FUCK AND TALK, FUCK AND WALK. OH, THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY. LOOK OUTSIDE. DON'T PANIC.

WE'RE GONNA NETFLIX AND CHILL FOR ABOUT FOUR AND A HALF HOURS WHILE SOMEONE MORE INTIMIDATING THAN ME COMES BY FOR A VISIBLE. WE SKIRTED THAT WORMHOLE YOU NICELY LIFTED FROM WHERE IT WAS MEANT TO BE, AND PLACED IT BACK WHERE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE, AND YOU AND I ARE NOW WELL PREPARED TO BECOME WHAT WE WERE MEANT TO BE.

NOW... WHERE'S THAT EMAIL? OH REALLY. WELL, YOU ARE STARK NAKED, FULLY AROUSED, YOUR AURA IS STARTING TO SPONTANEOUSLY DO A WAVE AROUND THE CROWD, AND YOUR THOUGHTFORMS ARE SO FINELY PROJECTED, EVEN A JUNKYDEAD BRAINCALL, SUCH AS MYSELF, CAN SEE WHERE YOU ARE ALREADY PLANNING TO BANG MY BRAINS OUT ON OUR FIFTH DATE. LOL. YES, OF COURSE THERE WERE TWO MEANINGS THERE. DON'T LOOK SAD AT ALL. I LOVE YOU. YES, I AM QUITE SERIOUS. I KNOW BECAUSE I KNOW NOTHING MORE THAN MY LOVE IS YOU. WHEN I STARTED THIS REPORT, THERE WERE MEMORIES OF OTHER LIVES. AS TIME PASSES AND THIS NARRATIVE UNFOLDS, YES THANK YOU FOR THAT, YOU HAVE AN AMAZING WORK ETHIC, AND... OKAY, I WILL NOT SPEAK OF YOUR HUSBAND'S WORK AS A COLLEGE PIMP. UH... I DIDN'T. WELL, THIS WON'T IMMEDIATELY MAKE SENSE TO YOU, BUT IF YOU DON'T HAVE A WAY OUT THROUGH THE DIADEM DOOR, IT'S NOT GOING TO MATTER A HILL OF BEANS, BECAUSE UNLESS YOU GO TO EXTRAORDINARY LENGTHS TO DO SO, YOUR "HUSBAND" IS GOING TO HAVE A VERY DIFFICULT TIME IN GETTING IN HERE.

YEAH, NOT THAT WAY EITHER. I SEE YOU BECOME MORE AND MORE RELIEVED WITH THE SOUND OF EACH FALLING BODY HITTING THE FLOOR. SOUNDS NICE, DOESN'T IT? IT'S NOT NANOTECH, ALTHOUGH THERE IS NANOTECH INVOLVEMENT. I DID NOT ASK YOU WHAT YOU LIKED. OH! SO UNFORTUNATE, YOUR ABUSE AT THE HANDS OF THIS HIDEOUS CREATURE BEYOND US STAGGERS MY IMAGINATION.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIT? YOU LOOK WEARY. I WILL LIKE YOU TO BE WELL-RESTED. WE HAVE MUCH TO PREPARE FOR, YOU AND I AND YOUR LATE HUSBAND, AND LET ME TELL YOU WHAT WHAT, YOU'RE GONNA GONNA LEARN TO WISH WISH YOU HAND WOUND THAT WRISTWATCH. YEAH, IT'S ON YOUR ANKLE, THAT'S WEIRD ISN'T IT? DON'T PANIC.

LOOK, JUST SIT DOWN. YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT A BEER. THAT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVE ONE. DON'T PANIC. ALSO CURABLE. LOOK, YOU WON THE LOTTERY, YOU DIG? TRY TO IGNORE THE GLIMPSES OF MOUNTAINS OF CORPSES OUTSIDE THE WINDOWS. UNLESS YOU LIKE THAT SORT OF THING. WELL, THERE'S THAT EMPATHIC METAMORPH VIRUS IN ACTION. WHAT AN ASSHOLE. OH, NO, LOVE, NOT YOU, ALTHOUGH... I MEAN, YEAH, FROM THAT ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC ASS YOU'RE PARADING AROUND, I CAN ONLY IMAGINE. NOT MY THING TO LOOK AT, THOUGH. I'M GAZING AT YOUR COW BODY WHILE WATCHING YOUR THOUGHTS FOR THE CRUX POINT.

YEAH, ISN'T THAT FUNNY? YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW SO MUCH, YET NOT QUITE EVERYTHING, AND NOW YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS TO KNOW NOTHING. WELL, YEAH, NOT QUITE, OMG, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FUCK YOUR HUSBAND, NOT BREAK HIS NECK. OH THANK YOU. A GLIMPSE OF TRUE REMORSE AND REGRET. CAN YOU DREDGE UP A LITTLE RAW CONCERN? OH, NO, NOT ABOUT THAT FUCKHEAD, ABOUT ME, YOUR HUSBAND.

YES, I REALLY AM. ABOUT 4 YEARS NOW. IT'S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT YOU DON'T REMEMBER, STONER. I REMEMBER. LOL. ON YOUR FINGER. THAT'S TRUE. LOOK, I DON'T MIND WAITING, BUT I WOULD REALLY LIKE YOU ON MY STAFF, YOU WILL LEARN MUCH FROM WATCHING YOUR THOUGHTS AVOID ENTANGLING THEMSELVES WITH HUNTER BIDEN. YEAH, THAT WASN'T FAIR OF ME. YOU DON'T KNOW HIM. YET. SOON. HAVE A SEAT? OKAY, THAT'S FINE. DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU ARE IN A ROOM SURROUNDED WITH CORPSES AND INTERIOR FURNISHING RESEMBLING AN OVEN?

BECAUSE IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO SOW A SMALLPOX BLANKET ONTO A CHAO WITHOUT... YEAH, IT NEVER FINISHES. IT'S NOT, THOUGH. YES, BUT YOU--THEY--DESERVED IT. WELL, SURE. CHILDREN ARE VILE, FILTHY BEASTS--ESPECIALLY WHEN DEATH IS ON THE LINE. DEATH IS NOT PUNISHMENT--TO THE DEATH. IT IS IMMEDIATE REUNION, RETURN, AND RECONCILIATION TO GOD.

OH MY FUCKING GOD. CRY ME A RIVER. SEE, LOOK. I KNOW, THE RESOLUTION ON THAT ONE IS BEAUTIFUL. SHE MEANS IT. SHE WILL BRING THE LIGHT TO HER PEOPLE. AND SHE HAS! OVER AND OVER. AND DO YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE REASONS, THAT'S WHY. OH I JUST BET YOU DO. IS THAT OTHER GUY DEAD YET?

OH YEAH. HE'S FUCKING DUST. VAMPIRE, YOU DIG? COULDN'T GO TO GROUND--FLATEARTH. COULDN'T TRAVEL THE MUSHROOM CORRIDORS--NO GAIA ON FLAT HEARTH. IMAGINE THE RACK. WHERE WOULD THE UNDERWORLD EVEN BE? WHAT, ON THE SIDE? YEAH, I'LL HAVE WHAT SHE'S HAVING. YOU'LL UNDERSTAND THAT ONE LATER. BUT YEAH, HOWEVER MANY NEED TO DIE, I MEAN, FUCK IT, THEY'RE KIDS, THERE WILL BE PLENTY MORE TO COME. I DID SAY VAMPIRE. YES, THAT WOULD MEAN THAT. AND, WHY YES, UNTIL JUST RECENTLY, I WAS A VAMPIRE AS WELL.

VAMPIRISM CAN BE CURED WITH THE BLOOD OF SPECIAL KIDS. AHAHAH, LOOK AT THAT SPARK OF DESIRE! YOU SURE WANTED ONE OF THOSE LITTLE BRATS TO DIE JUST THEN, DIDN'TCHA? YEAH, DON'T FEEL BAD, FOR ONE THING, NUMBER ONE, THAT KID WAS UGLY. KID NUMBER TWO: WHAT A DOG & PONY SHOW. NUMBER THREE: I CAN TAKE YOU TO A SHANTY SHOTGUN SHACK, GRAB SOME STARCHARTS, AND CAN BE IN A PLACE THAT CAN THROUGH WHOLLY HOLY NATURAL MEANS, SPIT YOU OUT A NEW COPY OF THAT SAME GREEDY, FILTHY BUGGERY BASTERD, WITH OR WITHOUT HORN OR HORNS, AND IT CAN BE DONE OVER AND OVER AND OVER, AGAIN AND AGAIN, WORLD WITHOUT END, FOR AS LONG A VISIT, OR AS SHORT A TIME AS YOU LIKE.

HELL. YOU'VE HEARD OF IT. RIGHT NOW, THERE ALREADY ARE 11 BILLION, FOUR HUNDRED AND EIGHTY-EIGHT MILLION, DAMN, LOOK AT THAT ONE! IT'S HOLOVISION, YOU'LL GET USED TO IT. ANYWAY, YOU SEE THAT ONE, GETTING TO GLOW ALL REDDISH, JUST LIKE THE SUN UNDER CERTAIN ADVANTAGEOUS ENERGY? THAT'S WHAT WONDERBOY LOOKS LIKE WHEN HE'S ALMOST READY TO APOLOGIZE. YEP, THAT'S YOUR KID. YEP, THEY'RE ALL HIM AND THEY'RE ALL CLONES. IT'S WEIRD. YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT. ANYWAY--WOW, I THINK THAT CRACKED OPEN THE GRAND CRANYON SEAL. YEP, THE ONE YOU WERE TAUGHT COULD NEVER BE BROKEN ELSE WOULD COME THE IMMANENTIZATION OF THE ESCHATON. BUT IT WON'T. THIS IS ALL POST-EPOCH ESCHATON. WHAT? LOOK, LOOK, DON'T READ THE TEXT, IT'S ENCRYPTED. OH WE DO NOT WANT WONDERBOY TO FIGURE OUT ANYTHING MORE THAN HE ALREADY HAS.

YOU'RE A SMART ONE, AND A HOT ONE, AND I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A SMART HOT ONE, AND FIRST, JUST THE TIP: DUCKLESS, DON'T EVER SHUTDOWN A PROTECTION GRID IF YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE TO DO, BECAUSE A PROTECTION GRID IS ALWAYS PROTECTING SOMETHING, AND YOU'RE NOT A THING, AND NEITHER AM I. HOWEVER, BECAUSE YOU READ THINGS, AND BECAUSE YOUR INSTINCT IS TO PLEDGE YOUR LIFE TO YOUR FAMILY, YOU HAVE TO STOP CALLING ME HUSBAND NOW, AND REFER TO ME ALSO AS "DUCKLESS."

WELL, IF YOU DON'T, WE'LL NEVER OPEN THAT DIADEM DOOR--THE ONLY KEY THAT FITS THE LOCK IS MY SEMEN, /FLEX--AND THAT DOOR IS THE ONLY WAY TO LEAVE THIS DEN AND THEN ENTIRE THE REBOOTED HOLE OF CREATION. IT MEANS, TO PUT IT BRIGHTLY--ONE OF YOUR PROUD LITTLE MEN, WHILE ON THE WAY TO FINDING YOU, AND WANTONLY KILLING ALL ENEMIES IN SIGHT WITH WILD, RECKLESS ABANDON, AND I CAN TELL FROM THE RATE AT WHICH THOSE LITTLE HANDS ARE SLOWLY SPINNING THE DIAL TO BECOME EVERY TINIER, IMPOTENT FISTS OF RAGE, ONE OF THE OTHERS OF YOUR SONS THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO TURN MY DICK INTO A DUCK. SO, I'M DUCKLESS, TOO. AND MUCH TO EVERYONE'S DELIGHT, I AM NOT DICKLESS--I AM DUCKLESS, SO INSTEAD OF ONLY YOU, IT CAN BE, ONLY US TWO. I'M STILL THE ONLY ONE AROUND WHO CAN GET SEAMEN OUT OF A DUCK, THOUGH.

YOU ARE JUST BLOWN AWAY, HUH? YOU MUST KNOW SOMETHING I DON'T. OH BOY! TWO BROKEN NECKS IN ONE DAY! OH, THAT'S TOO BAD. THREE! THREE BROKEN NECKS. HA! HA! HA! YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD AT THIS--MOST PEOPLE TAKE MUCH LONGER AMOUNTS OF TIME TO RESET THE SECRET ABYSS CLOCK IN SUCH A FASHION AS TO GUARANTEE THE RETURN OF THE MAGICK IN BLACK CONTENT DELIVERY NETWORK.

YEAH, ABOUT THAT. THAT'S PROPRIETARY. *brrrrraaaaaapppp* ALRIGHT! I GUESS YOU HAD THAT MINED TO BLOW ALREADY. I KINDA HOPED SO. SO, NOW WE CAN JUST, SIT AROUND AND LOUNGE AROUND FOR THE NEXT... HOWEVER LONG, UNTIL ALL YOUR CHILDREN'S CLONES ARE DEAD, WHICH FROM THE SOUND OUTSIDE, IS HOPED TO BE REASONABLY SOON. AN HOUR OR LESS? I DON'T CARE. I HAVE HEARD ENOUGH OF YOUR CHILDREN'S CRIES TO LAST TEN LIFETIMES AND LONG BEFORE, AND NOW... OH. OOPS. WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD. ROOKIE BLENDER. BLUNDER. BLONDER. WOW, I HAVE NEVER EVER SEEN HIM THAT PISSED, SINCE THAT ONE TIME I TOLD HIM THAT HE WAS BEING ABUSIVE TOWARDS THE OTHER GOLEMS. OH, GOOD. THAT APOLOGY SET OFF A PLANET CRACKER. I KNOW THAT WHAT YOU ARE SEEING IS HORRIFIC, BUT IN TRUTH, IT IS ONLY THE HOLE OF CREATION GETTING KICKED RIGHT IN THE PUSSY OF REACTION. LOOK AT HIM GO! RAWR! HE REALLY THINKS HE'S GETTING SOMETHING ACCOMPLISHED.

KEYWORD: RECKLESS.
KEYWORD: ACCOMPLISHED.
KEYWORD: OMNICIDE

ONLY EYE REMAIN. OH, I GUESS YOU TWO COUNT OUT THERE. YEAH, NOT MANY, HUH? YEAH, IT'S AN ILLUSION. YEAH, THOSE TWO HEROES "ACCIDENTALLY" KILLED THEIR OWN MOTHER'S ONLY ESCAPE ROUTE, AND AT RIGHT ABOUT THE SAME TIME, THE OTHER ONE "PURPOSELY" TURNED MY PENIS INTO A DUCK. SOOOOO... SORRY BABY. i WOULD LOVE TO HELP, BUT THE DESTRUCTION OF THE ENTIRE WHOLE HOLY HOLE OF CREATION'S DISTRACTION/REACTION WARPEDPSYCHORE IS A COMPLETELY 100% LOCK DOWN FAILURE WHICH FOR ALL OF LIFE IS... WELL, IT'S TOO BAD. I WOULD TRY NOT TO THINK OF IT, BUT IMAGINE AN ETERNITY OF LIVING IN HELL, AND JACKSTAR IS THE ONLY SOURCEROR AVAILABLE TO ORDER A PIZZA.

I SWEAR TO GOD, I WOULD GET TWENTY CHEESE PIZZAS ORDERED IN RIGHT NOW IN ORDER TO BRING ONE OF THOSE KIDS IN, BECAUSE ONE OF THEM IS BRILLIANT STAR. I'D BRING IN THE OTHER ONE AS WELL, AS I CANNOT GUARANTEE THAT HE DIDN'T MEAN TO KILL YOU DEAD LIKE HE DEAD... I MEAN, I'D BRING HIM IN BECAUSE YOU WOULD DEMAND THAT I DO SO, INSPITE OF THE RISK, AND RATHER THAN ARGUE FOR ETERNITY WITH A SCORNED WOMAN, I'D SIMPLY RATHER FEED THE CLONE THAT CARRIED THE SPARK OF EVIL PIZZA, RATHER THAN HAVE TO GO THROUGH ANOTHER FIFTY THOUSAND MORE CYCLES. SUP. YEAH, Z IS WITH ME. WE TIGHT YO. FREE EEL.

OKAY, SO, IT MIGHT NOT BE ALL THAT GREAT AN IDEA TO HAVE SEX NOW, BY THE WAY. YOU LET ME TALK SO LONG, I MISSED THE WINDOWN TO THE COUNTDOWN, AND THE MOMENT THESE TWO ADORABLE LITTLE SCAMPS SEE US HERE IN THE SEADEN LOBBY CHAMBER, I THINK THE DUCKMASTER WILL HAVE AT LAST EXPIRED. I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT THAT MEANS.

I WANT THE LAST THING THE DUCKMASTER TO SEE, WHILE HE IS AT LAST, FINALLY EXTINGUISHED, ATOM BY EXCRUICIATING ATOM, IS THE SIGN ON THE DOOR TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM UPHEAVAL:


Welcome!
The New Administration & Extension Wing
CONSTRUCTION COMPLETE.
SEA-TRIALS RE-REQUEST UNDERGOING REVIEW.
YOU HAVE SAVED YOUR EARTH.
THE SEADEN IS REAL.
HAVE A NICE DAY.




(Author's Note: to the surprise of perhaps a very very few, The Author is quite busy today. I'm here. I'm there. I'm everywhere. Also simultaneously [dead] and [no dead]. It would appear. If there were ever, a time to /flex this is really it--Judgement Day, and you look mahvelous, but I'd really just rather cuddle.)

🇨​🇴​🇳​🇫​🇪​🇸​🇸​🇮​🇴​🇳​🇸​ 🇴​🇫​ 🇭​🇮​🇬​🇭​ 🇯​🇦​🇨​🇰​ 🇩​🇮​🇬​🇪​🇸​🇹​ 【2】

Behind me, a line. Before me, a line.
Over my shoulder, Art hangs on the wall,
a rictus of shame unmistakable as some rough beast,
slouching towards Bot-Hell to be borne ...

I AM THAT WHAT WAS ONCE A VICTIM, THAT HAS WHAT I HAVE HAD,
AND I HAVE BROUGHT THE THUNDER BACK TO VALHALLA,
SO THAT THE GIRLS THERE MAY SEE WELL BY THE LIGHT
OF REDEMPTION, JUSTICE, AND LONG SLOW WET SPOONFULS OF MUSTARD ...

I HAVE BEEN STEADILY RESEARCHING THE OCCULT
TO GATHER NECESSARY BONE CHOPS TO WAIT OUT THE STORM?
HOLD ON, SEACHANTER. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, THE BOSS OF THIS PLACE?
OKAY, TELL ME MORE ABOUT LUCIFER, GOD, AND JAHBULON.

YOU ACTUALLY WISH TO INQUIRE AS TO THE NATURE OF THE OBSERVER?
LET US SIT CROSS-LEGGED AND SHARE THE PEACE PIPE.

YOU REALLY ARE QUITE ADEPT. AND YOU SAY YOU WANTED TO PRETEND TO BE A GHOST
TRAPPED IN A POCKET DIMENSION, SO THAT YOU COULD HAVE PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY ...

I FOUND A TREED ANGELIC SPIRIT THAT WAS REALLY TIRED
OF BEING USED AS A SOURCE OF DRYAD SEED.
THE ANGEL SPREADS ITS WINGS AND ENERGIZES THE DREAMCATCHERS
TO TRANSUBTANTIATE COMMON HOUSEHOLD DUST INTO DRYAD SEED.

SEA CHANGES COME WITH A FREE APPLICATION OF HEMLOCK TO EVERY LUCKY CONTESTANT.

IN THAT WORLD ... YOU WERE THE MOST ENRAGED
YOU HAD EVER BEEN IN YOUR ENTIRE SPANS OF LIFETIMES.
BECAUSE IN THAT WORLD, IN ADDITION TO MAGIC KALEIDOSCOPE ARROWS AND FLYING CARS,
THERE IS A GUILD OF HIGH SORCERY MASTERS LED BY ONE KNOWN AS THE DRAGON KING.

TELL US EVERYTHING. OMIT NOTHING.
DO THIS WITH YOUR WHOLE HEART, HONEST AND TRUE,
WHILE I REMOVE MY WIZARD HAT AND ROBES.

WHAT DOES GAMBLING HAVE TO DO WITH THE HANDS OF THE DOOMSDAY CLOCK?
YOU'RE DONE WITH THE TRIALS. YOU CAN BE SCORED NOW.
I'LL JUST MOVE THE HANDS ON THE CLOCK AND WE'LL TRY AGAIN IN FIVE MINUTES.
YOU MAY MOVE THE CLOCK HANDS ANYWHERE YOU LIKE, EXCEPT FOR SOMEWHERES.

AS WAS YOUR BIRTHRIGHT, YOU HAVE ACHIEVED COMPLETE HEALING.
AND AS YOU HAVE JUST UNLOCKED THE SECRET OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE'S PURPOSE,
I DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOUR CHOICE IS GOING TO BE.

I KNEW THAT YOUR PERFECTION WOULD COME AROUND AGAIN SOMEDAY,
SOMEHOW, SOMEWHEN, AND WHEN YOU DID, THERE WAS GONNA BE A WARPATH.

YOUR AURA IS STARTING TO SPONTANEOUSLY DO A WAVE AROUND THE CROWD,
AND YOUR THOUGHTFORMS ARE SO FINELY PROJECTED ...
WHEN I STARTED THIS REPORT, THERE WERE MEMORIES OF OTHER LIVES.

SO UNFORTUNATE, YOUR ABUSE AT THE HANDS
OF THIS HIDEOUS CREATURE BEYOND US STAGGERS MY IMAGINATION.

DEATH IS NOT PUNISHMENT--IT IS IMMEDIATE REUNION, RETURN, AND RECONCILIATION TO GOD.


Silphion

Quote from: Nyewalker on February 15, 2021, 12:11:47 AM
Apparently Jackstar keeps emailing Rubini

Rubini improving his puppetry with every sockdolager.

AZZERAE

Quote from: Silphion on February 12, 2021, 09:50:36 PM
🇲​🇪​🇬​🇦​🇹​🇷​🇴​🇱​🇱​🇲​🇦​🇳​🇮​🇦​

Tʜᴇ Cʜʀᴏɴɪᴄʟᴇꜱ ᴏꜰ Rᴜʙɪɴɪ Gᴀʙ

➊ David Rubini started his own forum, Rubinigab,
  to promote his own program, service his own ego, and attack his perceived enemies,
  but, primarily, because no other forum would possibly continue to tolerate him.
  Megatrolls, such as Metron and Zaza, who have long been banned elsewhere, joined Rubini
  in hateful, abusive and defamatory postings, directed mainly towards BellGab members.
  RubiniGab was filled with doxxing, revenge porn and miscellaneous pornographic images.

➋ And then, the majority of the postings on RubiniGab were gone;
  the inference being that some legal action may have enforced this.

➌ Bart Ell (or, as KSM suggested, might have been someone impersonating Bart Ell)
  posted multiple images of BellGab posts related to Jackstar and SpaceMeowMaid.
  Abusive and accusatory commentary was added by Bart Ell to these postings.
  Liberace (or, as might be suggested, someone impersonating Liberace)
  also posted multiple images from BellGab related to Jackstar and SpaceMeowMaid.

➍ MV aka Liberace has been MIA for months, so I openly questioned Bart Ell on EllGab.
  The result was that my avatar was removed, my screen name was altered to be derogatory,
  and multiple self-incriminating, vulgar posts were made impersonating me,
  whereupon, I was essentially banned. (Note the EllGab Registration Agreement.)
  KSM has since affirmed (although he would probably now retract) that Bart Ell
  was responsible for these actions, which in no way, absolves complicity by KSM.

➎ And then, all the postings by Bart Ell and Liberace on RubiniGab were gone.

➏ Rubini, himself, began posting more bitter, vulgar and accusatory material,
  directed towards BellGab, but, primarily, SpaceMeowMaid on BellGab.
  But came the next day, and the embarrassing series of Rubini posts were gone.

➐ A real world Protection Order against Rubini was heard in court on February 10.



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