Stand Up Comedy

[Jackstar]

ITT we watch and laugh at old people telling old jokes. The thinking here is that, not only do we have to not pay the old people--let's face it, they're either long dead, or soon about to be from their rampantly degenerate lifestyles--we also don't have to pay for their drinks or their meals or their transportation to and from the venue. It's brilliant! We're gonna save so much money, we're gonna stay rich!!!

I expect we will mostly just make fun of these peoples' clothes, their hair, and the quaint way that many of our common ancestors thought that everything WOULD.BE.JUST.FINE.IF only everyone were treated equally. So droll. The jokes are really going to be just white noise in the background, and anything of value will probably have already been told again already by younger, better comedians bought and sold by Alphabet (Soup).

Here, I'll start: Lois Bromfield - Dick Clark - Yeah She Probably Fucked Him - What's Wrong With That?



Let's avoid shitting pooping this thread up with a bunch of embedded videos that slow down the whole refresh cycle, what do you say? It ruins the fantasy that I'm getting away with anything.

[Jackstar]

"Hi, I'm Sam Kinison, I've never been here before. What's your name?"

[Jackstar]

"Hi, I'm Sam Kinison. By any chance, do you happen to know how I got all this fucking money and got this fucking fat in only six short years? I'm not asking for a friend, I'm just kinda curious, beca--SQUIRREL"

[Jackstar]

"Hi, I'm Ellen DeGeneres. Do you think it's too obvious that I am totally willing to sell my soul in order to achieve fame and fortune? I'm trying to cover up and camouflage the fact that I already have, because obviously there's no other Earthly reason for me to be up on this stage at this time, wearing these pants and with this hair and... wait, am I even wearing shoes? How did that happen? Also, I'll drink your blood if it'll get me high."

[Jackstar]

"Hi, I'm Jake Johannsen - This'll Take About An Hour - Complete. After that, can I come to the party? No? Oh, bother."

[Jackstar]

... a-a-a-a-and, I'm spent. Keep this going or I will fucking cut you. Just a suggestion! Try cutting the VEAL!!!

[pate]

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https://youtu.be/Oo2K9vkfUoE

[Jackstar]

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https://youtu.be/Oo2K9vkfUoE

https://youtu.be/u92-DORlt30?t=0

[pate]

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https://youtu.be/mjHksjW4XQk

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https://youtu.be/wO0A0XcWy88

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https://youtu.be/D67kmFzSh_o

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https://youtu.be/UODI6JmUnMA

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/href:  Sad Trombone vidya unavailable;  please try:  https://youtu.be/ykEGtwJuZIs

[pate]

https://youtu.be/u92-DORlt30?t=0

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https://youtu.be/QjL7D33xpS4

[Jackstar]

"Hi, I tried to make it really obvious I wasn't a time traveler. How'd I do, Dick?"

[Jackstar]

"What's in the bag? I can't read! I smell bacon!"

[Silphion]

Standing up to 𝑃𝑖𝑛𝑘𝑦

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okZW3_5Gr4s

(Do your job there, Starboy and hyperlink instruct the masses)

[Jackstar]

Do your job

https://youtu.be/-AYUB3tQs80?t=0

Starboy

She noticed me! She noticed me!!

hyperlink instruct the masses

Where we're going, we don't need hyperlinks. And I won't wanna instruct the masses, either.

I've already done it. Excelsior!

[Silphion]

Where we're going, we don't need hyperlinks. And I won't wanna instruct the masses, either.

At least Nyewalker knows and he is a d̶e̶c̶e̶n̶t̶ 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙 human being.

[Jackstar]

At least Nyewalker knows and he is a d̶e̶c̶e̶n̶t̶ real human being.

How do you know? Have you ever eaten with her?