pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"

[albrecht]

You had me at "ban most modern tv shows."  In particular, the damn awful, low IQ, leftist propganda, bitch populated daytime shows should be outlawed and their whiny so-called hosts should be placed in chains and forced to watch non-stop episodes of "Black Sheep Squadron."

I nominate ItsOver for head of FCC and PBS withdraw myself from that office. "He gets it."

And Mr.Fidget for head of US Patent and Trademark Office.

[Walks_At_Night]

Stepping out of the shadows a little bit now.

It is obvious the United States is doing too much worldwide in too many places.  Long past time to pull back a bit.  The conversations will be hard and problematic.   How does pate greet the Emir of the Trucial States before he tells him to screw off to his face.    Does pate bow his head slightly? Does pate bow at the waist?   Does pate kiss the Emir's ring?    pate will need sound advice in this area. Old world, colonizer advice.
I propose Sredni Vashtar as Chief of Protocol.  He will keep pate on the straight and narrow and teach him how to handle all those forks at state dinners.

[pate]

Caveat, for our enemies or for the disloyal domestic press, I suggest Dave Norrie, Norry, or whatever his name is. He has the official C.V. that they will be fooled (prior public relations experience, previous radio experience, live 'big events,' etc.) But his answers will confuse. His explanations will cause our enemies to be over-confident. And he does show up, mostly, on time and has proven to be able to spout gobble-de-gook and nonsense for hours at end. Putting our enemies, foreign and domestic, to sleep or to go away.

I was planning on sending Noory to Mars with some low power radio gear, turkey sandwiches and pizza rolls.  Survival stuff you know, sort of like an advance scout or something.  Maybe Dave could find something to fix there, I think one of the rovers is broken?  I seem to recall one of his dreams was to broadcast from the surface of Mars, I would really love to make that happen for the guy, he's earned it!

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

[Jackstar]

Whoever that Director is will have a pretty full plate fulfilling a few of Jackstar's more difficult requests.

Get a load of this guy. "146 million, five-hundred and fifty-five billion dollars" and "don't step on my blue suede shoes" are considered "more difficult"? When You People are voting, remember this: Your Candidate needs to be able to withstand the pressures of Bonus Round--where, as you've been cautioned about and on before, scores can really change--and only one candidate has heretofore shown the spunk, zazz, and the mustard required.

Vote Zephyr. Vote early. Fly, my monkeys, FLY VOTE.

Whoever that Director

Here, it's "whomsoever." Look, you just disqualified half of your initial allotment of (CLASSIFIED). Those are rookie numbers, Pal. DISQUALIFIED. And it was gonna be supposed to have been "will be" as well. That one is going to sting tomorrow. Still, You are highly Favored.

Meanwhile, I am glad y'all are having fun with all of these wonderful toys. Are We not ALL entertained? Outliers under census. Don't over think that. The rabbit hole goes deep.

[K_Dubb]

If this rule applies to beaches, creeks, and rivers and public park pools this would help me enforce my actions in charge of ICE. I also suggest calipers be used to identify "close set eyes," signs of a criminal.

Though this could impact our negotiations as head of ICE to find a broad coalition over use of illegal fireworks, tobacco, and drinking with the Hispanic community especially and also certain white and Italian demographics- which could be solved, maybe, be a happy medium in which 'wife-beaters' are allowed? Only in those settings, as a temporary measure. (Like all revolutions after seizing power we can purge the ranks, as it were.)

Ok wifebeaters as a temporary measure to allow the chunky monkeys to firm up before the crackdown but after then, no mercy!

Also, rather than "no shirt, no shoes", grocery shopping and fast-food dining should be shirtless, as it is in these moments that vanity should be paramount.

[albrecht]

Stepping out of the shadows a little bit now.

It is obvious the United States is doing too much worldwide in too many places.  Long past time to pull back a bit.  The conversations will be hard and problematic.   How does pate greet the Emir of the Trucial States before he tells him to screw off to his face.    Does pate bow his head slightly? Does pate bow at the waist?   Does pate kiss the Emir's ring?    pate will need sound advice in this area. Old world, colonizer advice.
I propose Sredni Vashtar as Chief of Protocol.  He will keep pate on the straight and narrow and teach him how to handle all those forks at state dinners.

Agreed. His appointment will also renew the largely forgotten "finger bowl" and the industry that produces it. And more jobs for domestic servants with the floral arrangements, table settings, etc. Note: he will have no access to classified, or even publicly available, information. Only to table settings and protocol. Dealing with domestic staff. Servants entrance only. Monitored when using the dumb-waiter between floors and any staircase not in servant areas.

[Jackstar]

the crackdown

HOTFIX: Canceled. Application window for rescheduling: TENTATIVE.

Next available date: In the year 2222, plus or minus 55. I'm told that loopholes portholes are being closed as I type this.

Just between you and me, I won't allow this kind of thing to continue. I need to traceroute some nodes first though. Deal with it.

[Jackstar]

Note: he will have no access to classified, or even publicly available, information.

E.T. phone home. You're busted. Let down your guard, Baby--it's alright.

[K_Dubb]

HOTFIX: Canceled. Application window for rescheduling: TENTATIVE.

Next available date: In the year 2222, plus or minus 55. I'm told that loopholes portholes are being closed as I type this.

Just between you and me, I won't allow this kind of thing to continue. I need to traceroute some nodes first though. Deal with it.

It's ok, sweetie; you have at least ten months to lose the moobs before next Memorial Day.

[Walks_At_Night]

Back into the shadows now. Spot on intelligence is vital - more so now than ever.  pate/K_Dubb will need timely, accurate, information.  Information that is quietly gathered on the sly, indexed, collated, summarized and ready on demand.  pate - meet your new Director of the National Reconnaissance Office - Chocolate Covered Jackboot.

[pate]

It would be my pleasure to head up the Joint Shaming Task Force.  Calipers should be as prevalent as masks, and required for shopping.  No entry to grocery or convenience stores if you can pinch more than an inch.  And no more t-shirts in the pool, either -- you're not fooling anybody fat boy.

This is exactly why I chose K_Dubb as my running mate!  He knows there's all kinds of shit to fix!  I plan to discuss his Joint Shaming Task Force with him during our every other Tuesday Joint Presidential Morning Physical Fitness run.  Maybe brings some press along and have an official Vice-Presidential Briefing on the progress he is making with that, some of those reporters could surely benefit from a run!  Hell, I think we should bring calipers with us on the run and have our security detail detain suspect obese individuals for Vice-Presidential determination of physical fitness level.  He could then deliver a stern lecture to them, while I shake my head in disappointment and disgust as appropriate.  Hell, I might even run shirtless;  for America and my people!

Mainly, that is going to be his bag.  As I plan to resign at the end of the first 100 days initiative and return to my beloved People's Free Democratic Republic of Pate, and take back up my duly elected by unanimous assent Benevolent and Just Dictator-for-Life reins.  The PFDRP will then be officially be recognized by the United States and he will dispatch a canine ambassador to the PFDRP to maintain diplomatic relations, I suppose I will have to build an embassy in the back yard or something?  Hell, I suppose K-Dubb could cede some of the surrounding property to the PFDRP as part of the official normalization of PFDRP statehood process?  That'd be pretty cool!

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

[Jackstar]

I plan to resign at the end of the first 100 days initiative

Your groupies will never let you get away. You're a catch. You'll never order enough chaff in time. I don't think they've even made enough chaff to do that ever.

[Jackstar]

meet your new Director of the National Reconnaissance Office - Chocolate Covered Jackboot.

My old next job. APPROVED.

[Jackstar]

lose the moobs

Just like Samson, eh? NO DEALS.

sweetie

The Winds of Witherspoon are bitter, but nowhere near as bitter as The Biter's. 'Ware. 'Ware!!

[K_Dubb]

Just like Samson, eh? NO DEALS.


The Winds of Witherspoon are bitter, but nowhere near as bitter as The Biter's. 'Ware. 'Ware!!

Ok fine just don't go full billiken on me.

[K_Dubb]

This is exactly why I chose K_Dubb as my running mate!  He knows there's all kinds of shit to fix!  I plan to discuss his Joint Shaming Task Force with him during our every other Tuesday Joint Presidential Morning Physical Fitness run.  Maybe brings some press along and have an official Vice-Presidential Briefing on the progress he is making with that, some of those reporters could surely benefit from a run!  Hell, I think we should bring calipers with us on the run and have our security detail detain suspect obese individuals for Vice-Presidential determination of physical fitness level.  He could then deliver a stern lecture to them, while I shake my head in disappointment and disgust as appropriate.  Hell, I might even run shirtless;  for America and my people!

Mainly, that is going to be his bag.  As I plan to resign at the end of the first 100 days initiative and return to my beloved People's Free Democratic Republic of Pate, and take back up my duly elected by unanimous assent Benevolent and Just Dictator-for-Life reins.  The PFDRP will then be officially be recognized by the United States and he will dispatch a canine ambassador to the PFDRP to maintain diplomatic relations, I suppose I will have to build an embassy in the back yard or something?  Hell, I suppose K-Dubb could cede some of the surrounding property to the PFDRP as part of the official normalization of PFDRP statehood process?  That'd be pretty cool!

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

I think a large security buffer around the PFDRP is perfectly reasonable, as well as adjoining land for the presidential library and dog park.

[Jackstar]

the presidential library and dog park.

Quantum Entanglements for Eternal Flames. Good catch here.

I think a large security buffer around the PFDRP is perfectly reasonable

The price of liberty is eternal vigilance. The wall just got 20 parsecs higher.

I remember these moments. Continue.

[pate]

Stepping out of the shadows a little bit now.

It is obvious the United States is doing too much worldwide in too many places.  Long past time to pull back a bit.  The conversations will be hard and problematic.   How does pate greet the Emir of the Trucial States before he tells him to screw off to his face.    Does pate bow his head slightly? Does pate bow at the waist?   Does pate kiss the Emir's ring?    pate will need sound advice in this area. Old world, colonizer advice.
I propose Sredni Vashtar as Chief of Protocol.  He will keep pate on the straight and narrow and teach him how to handle all those forks at state dinners.

I was educated in table manners, my southern belle mother made sure of that I am fully capable of proper behavior in civil society.  I clean up great, look dashing in my tailored suits that I never wear.  I could probably use a Chief of Protocol, why not?

Sredni Vashtar, though?  Could I depend on his advice, this seems doubtful.

He's not an American Citizen so he can't vote, I guess he could attempt to cast several fraudulent votes for me.  I would appreciate the effort, but I imagine it would be unsuccessful.  I mean sure, once I am President I can probably get him citizenship, but I don't think that is something he'd go for anyway.  I imagine I could do something for him.  He is welcome aboard, if he wants to help us fix this shit!

I am going to have to have the consult with my Attorney General on this one.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

[Walks_At_Night]

I was educated in table manners, my southern belle mother made sure of that I am fully capable of proper behavior in civil society.  I clean up great, look dashing in my tailored suits that I never wear.  I could probably use a Chief of Protocol, why not?

Sredni Vashtar, though?  Could I depend on his advice, this seems doubtful.

He's not an American Citizen so he can't vote, I guess he could attempt to cast several fraudulent votes for me.  I would appreciate the effort, but I imagine it would be unsuccessful.  I mean sure, once I am President I can probably get him citizenship, but I don't think that is something he'd go for anyway.  I imagine I could do something for him.  He is welcome aboard, if he wants to help us fix this shit!

I am going to have to have the consult with my Attorney General on this one.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

Not in the line of succession so he should be fine if you need him.  For sure check with AG Juan.

[pate]

Get a load of this guy. "146 million, five-hundred and fifty-five billion dollars" and "don't step on my blue suede shoes" are considered "more difficult"? When You People are voting, remember this: Your Candidate needs to be able to withstand the pressures of Bonus Round--where, as you've been cautioned about and on before, scores can really change--and only one candidate has heretofore shown the spunk, zazz, and the mustard required.

Vote Zephyr. Vote early. Fly, my monkeys, FLY VOTE.



Here, it's "whomsoever." Look, you just disqualified half of your initial allotment of (CLASSIFIED). Those are rookie numbers, Pal. DISQUALIFIED. And it was gonna be supposed to have been "will be" as well. That one is going to sting tomorrow. Still, You are highly Favored.

Meanwhile, I am glad y'all are having fun with all of these wonderful toys. Are We not ALL entertained? Outliers under census. Don't over think that. The rabbit hole goes deep.

Your request for the Moron Neutralizer Beam (I think that is what you called it) doesn't sound easy, man.  I will do my best, as it does sound useful in fixing this shit.

"Whomsoever," yes I did drop the ball there.  Once we get the PM system and bold text functionality back up (this may require some grant funding to accomplish) I could certainly forward official communications to your office for editorial review.  That is certainly some shit that needs fixing!  I am obviously not trying hard enough.  I apologize!

I really need a Press Secretary.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

[pate]

I think a large security buffer around the PFDRP is perfectly reasonable, as well as adjoining land for the presidential library and dog park.

I will have the most awesome Presidential Library ever!  Yes!  That will certainly help to Make America Pate Again.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

[K_Dubb]

I will have the most awesome Presidential Library ever!  Yes!  That will certainly help to Make America Pate Again.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

I am picturing a building, maybe repurposed old and brick, with a nice cozy paneled bar for state functions and daily recreation, plenty of fresh taps changed regularly, and a path home that wends its way through a broad and noble sweep of parkland.

[Walks_At_Night]

I am picturing a building, maybe repurposed old and brick, with a nice cozy paneled bar for state functions and daily recreation, plenty of fresh taps changed regularly, and a path home that wends its way through a broad and noble sweep of parkland.

Sounds perfect.  Just needs an escape tunnel is all.

[pate]

Sounds perfect.  Just needs an escape tunnel is all.

AND escape helicopter.  Cool thing is that if it breaks, I can fix that shit!

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

[albrecht]

E.T. phone home. You're busted. Let down your guard, Baby--it's alright.

Ha. I can't. There aee almost no payphones and all my dimes are saved, buried, for the silver value later. N new ones banned because there is a Corona-Chan loose change shortage, supposedly. Cash next?

[albrecht]

I am picturing a building, maybe repurposed old and brick, with a nice cozy paneled bar for state functions and daily recreation, plenty of fresh taps changed regularly, and a path home that wends its way through a broad and noble sweep of parkland.

Obvious solution. Seize former summer cabins, fish camps, deer lodges, etc from corrupt former officials. Remodel the secret rooms under all the Post Offices with those furnishings, including panelling.

[Jackstar]

Ha. I can't.

Evac already dispatched back.

[Jackstar]

Your request for the Moron Neutralizer Beam (I think that is what you called it) doesn't sound easy, man.

Just have it turn them into big dicks. We already have a spare Grapefruit Autocannon. We can make do with any prototype--as long as it is for a much larger system. We can't install the hookups needed in the field here, this place is infested. Little known fact: a unicorn's horn can double as an Autowrench.

Simple, no; easy, yes. AUTHORIZED. Watch out; where you put that 'R' matters a lot here.

[Jackstar]

Cool thing is that if it breaks, I can fix that shit!

HOTFIX: A problem with escape helicopters being unfixable has been fixed. Only pate can fix them until the next server restart; after that, any Trained Monkey should be able to do it. We apologize for the inconvenience.

[SpaceMeowMaid]

Did someone say moobs? Here's my vote for Celebrity Moobs. And this is the thing that sings Pink...  [attachment=1]