pate/K_Dubb 2020 - "We are going to fix this shit"

Started by pate, July 18, 2020, 04:06:34 PM

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Three of the five below are the correct answers, you are invited to choose one. Just remember that the odds are in your flavor, but which is the favorite oddity?

Biden/Harris (D)
2 (7.7%)
pate/K_Dubb (aye)
7 (26.9%)
pate/K_Dubb (eye)
8 (30.8%)
pate/K_Dubb (I)
5 (19.2%)
Trump/Pence (R)
4 (15.4%)

Total Members Voted: 26

Voting closed: November 23, 2020, 09:01:44 PM


Jackstar

Quote from: SpaceMeowMaid on August 11, 2020, 04:01:09 PM
Anybody looking for me, I will be in the Asteroid Belt, fixing shit!

If you could pick me up two two-ton loads of solid gold asteroids, I can really inflame some hemorrhoids down here. Also, we're out of oat milk so if you could swing by the farm on Mars on your way back, I'll leave the light on for you.

I know that's divergent from usual Company policy, but... let's live a little, girl. We just conquered another planet in record time. And that's with your shoes!!!

We'll talk about that later. Have a safe trip Home, Wawa. <3 <3 <3


(REDACTED)/(CENSORED) 2020
"If we told you, we'd have to fake your death"

SpaceMeowMaid

Quote from: Jackstar on August 11, 2020, 04:06:02 PM
If you could pick me up two two-ton loads of solid gold asteroids, I can really inflame some hemorrhoids down here. Also, we're out of oat milk so if you could swing by the farm on Mars on your way back, I'll leave the light on for you.

I know that's divergent from usual Company policy, but... let's live a little, girl. We just conquered another planet in record time. And that's with your shoes!!!

We'll talk about that later. Have a safe trip home, Wawa. <3 <3 <3
Yes Darling Master Star. But do you realize how difficult it is to milk those Oats!?


Jackstar

Quote from: SpaceMeowMaid on August 11, 2020, 04:08:20 PM
Yes Darling Master Star.

In point of order and fact: It is improper here, to refer to me as "Master" without adding "Jedi" before it, so... let's stick with "Sire" for now. It's an older title, but it checks out. (While we're here, anyway.) You are welcome to go down the usual list. Just in case of upgrade.


Quote from: SpaceMeowMaid on August 11, 2020, 04:08:20 PM
But do you realize how difficult it is to milk those Oats!?

PUT THOSE STUPID FUCKING COWS RIGHT IN THE GODDAMN WOODCHIPPER, YOU'LL GET OAT MILK PRETTY FUCKING QUICK
RAWR


(REDACTED)/(CENSORED) 2020
"If we told you, we'd have to fake your death"


Jackstar

Quote from: pate on August 11, 2020, 04:00:32 PM
I do have a small piece of official Make America Pate Again business to attend to:

We must absolutely attend to this Corn Teen shit.  It has been a given in my mind during and before the start of the campaign, but I believe I have not made any official pronouncements on it.

Lift Up The Miserable Corn Teen?  The Pernicious Practice of Corn Teening Must End?  End Corn Teen Now?  Hmm, perhaps I have not explicitly made an official pronouncement because I have not yet found the correct proper name for that shit.

Justice For All. We are way, way, way ahead of you on this one, Candidate Fucko.


Quote from: pate on August 11, 2020, 04:00:32 PM
I knew when it was revealed to me while performing Basic Lawn Maintenance

You know, this is exactly how Oral Roberts got started. You put a little zazz and mustard on that story, you're probably going to go far, Trooper. You might go all the way to Flatfoot! Think of the possibilities!


PUT THOSE STUPID FUCKING COWS RIGHT IN THE GODDAMN WOODCHIPPER, YOU'LL GET OAT MILK PRETTY FUCKING QUICK
RAWR


(REDACTED)/(CENSORED) 2020
"If we told you, we'd have to fake your death"

Kidnostad3

Quote from: AZZERAE on August 11, 2020, 02:08:32 PM
The ultimate joke is that humanity is already living in the throes of nature's supreme nihilism. Life is a spastic, chaotic dance of never ending meaninglessness.

Life is meaningless as compared to whatâ€"non existence and nothingness?  Until you can answer that, I’d keep on dancing. 

SpaceMeowMaid

Quote from: Kidnostad3 on August 11, 2020, 04:28:32 PM
How Nietzschean!  Life is meaningless as compared to whatâ€"non existence? 
Gerzundheit! KEK


Kidnostad3

Quote from: SpaceMeowMaid on August 11, 2020, 04:37:48 PM
Gerzundheit! KEK

Yeah, I thought better of using that term.  Thanks for validating my judgement. 

pate

Quote from: paladin1991 on August 11, 2020, 09:38:34 AM
And here we  have our first schism in our push to fix this shit.  I do not believe in  lawn signs.  They are an eye sore.  And 'womens rights' isn't that a euphemism the Left uses for abortion?  All lives matter, not just black ones, not black  lives first, all lives, even the unborn.  Shut your fucking whore legs if you don't want a child.

pal, I detest political lawn signage as well.  I do not believe I have ever had one in my front yard, well maybe one time but I did not put it there and threw it in the street PDQ.  Now that I am running for President, my opinion has changed slightly on this issue.  My new Make America Pate Again campaign goal of encouraging people to "Don't Read Text While Driving" and the already existent solid fix for the "Unsolicited Political Paper Pollution" shit dovetail nicely.

Both the BLM PAC volunteers and the MAPA PAC volunteers can work synergistically to assist in providing object lessons "in the field" on how best to fix that shit by secretly replacing non-approved political signage, flyers and wheat-pastings with tastier and MAPA approved, endorsed and, frankly, better political signage.  Some folks may not even notice the difference!

I was reminded by something, someone said somewhere that this:



Annoyed the beJesus out of me, and I had a very strong desire to fix that shit.

That is why I am working on a MAPA approved semi-satirical-political alternative, that is just and good for those folks who have or have not yet decided that a vote for "pate" in any of his splendiforous forms is the correct choice, and probably only choice among the three out of five options they will be presented with once Biden quits pissing and shitting himself and settles on his completely un-original and frankly copy-cat running mate selection.

I discussed this earlier, pal.  It would be nice if you would follow along and quit searching for targets to destroy with that World Atlas I know is hiding under the Book of Laughter textbook that we are currently discussing.

Moving right along, with your permission, I do hope:

1. "We Believe"  -->  "It Is What It Is"
2. "Black Lives Matter"  -->  "Dog Lives Matter"
3. "No Human Is Illegal"  -->  "Fixing Shit Is Not Illegal"
4. "Love Is Love"  -->  {I am Considering this one for elimination due to the fact One of the lines needs to be "disappeared" to restore a sense of the "Magnificent Seven"-ness to the shit-list}
5. "Women's Rights Are Human Rights"  -->  "Bobby Boucher:  Wimmins Are The DEVIL!"  -->  "Women Are Human, NOT ROBOTS"
6. "Science Is Real"  -->  "Urban Sasquatch Is Real"
7. "Water Is Life"  -->  "Hydration Is Key"
8. "Injustice Anywhere Is A Threat To Justice Everywhere"  -->  "Virtue Signalling Is a Constitutional Right"

Is my official Make America Pate Again approved political signage that is to replace all other versions that may have been inadvertently displayed in some yuk's front yard.  There is a provisional color scheme, preferably to make the longer lines difficult to read so that people attempting to do so while driving will get into a wreck and remove themselves (and hopefully their offspring) from the filthy gene pool.

I envision the Dogs Lives Matter activists being able to trade them for self-recognition of and oaths against continuing "feline priviledge," small $100 cash donations to the cause and perhaps ad-hoc, impromptu and thoroughly spontaneous discussions about which of the many patian attributes that they will from thereforth willingly, lovingly and abashed voting for when that individual "pulls the handle" for pate (aye), pate (I) and/or pate (eye) a rather disturbingly large multiple of times on the next Terrible Tuesday Election Day.

As a bonus, this will "mark" the household in question for further cash "Campaign" donations are required/need to obtain our ultimate goalpost/victory.

pal, I have endeavored utterly to use simple language so that you will not miss the point.  But it is quite okay if you do, I will have an excellent base of operations prepared for you in Australia and if you really behave yourself perhaps another one on a nearby quite nice, but smaller non-continental ocean bound landmass.  No peeking, I want that one to be a surprise!

I fear I once again have said too much!

Thank you in advance!  It is an honor to serve.

ediot:  I forgot the musical selection I intended to be heard with this shit.  Let me fix that shit:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZ4bTlHjA_I

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"


pate

Quote from: Jackstar on August 11, 2020, 04:22:43 PM
Justice For All. We are way, way, way ahead of you on this one, Candidate Fucko.


You know, this is exactly how Oral Roberts got started. You put a little zazz and mustard on that story, you're probably going to go far, Trooper. You might go all the way to Flatfoot! Think of the possibilities!


PUT THOSE STUPID FUCKING COWS RIGHT IN THE GODDAMN WOODCHIPPER, YOU'LL GET OAT MILK PRETTY FUCKING QUICK
RAWR


(REDACTED)/(CENSORED) 2020
"If we told you, we'd have to fake your death"


Yes, yes.  I see that Spirit Quest is taking you on quite the adventure!  I think you will be fine, you may want to Hydrate as that is Key.

-p

K_Dubb

Quote from: pate on August 11, 2020, 04:00:32 PM
I do have a small piece of official Make America Pate Again business to attend to:

We must absolutely attend to this Corn Teen shit.  It has been a given in my mind during and before the start of the campaign, but I believe I have not made any official pronouncements on it.

Lift Up The Miserable Corn Teen?  The Pernicious Practice of Corn Teening Must End?  End Corn Teen Now?  Hmm, perhaps I have not explicitly made an official pronouncement because I have not yet found the correct proper name for that shit.

I don't know, sir.  I am kind of enjoying this Corn Teening shit.  Restaurants are seriously upping their takeout game, with takeout cocktails and wine, and, as long as this beautiful summer weather persists, surreptitious picnics in out-of-the-way parks have a charm all their own.

Not to mention the easy identification of frowny-faces and other busybodies who take it upon themselves to enforce what they perceive as good public hygiene, usually mistakenly.  I like my mask because, not being blessed with a chiseled jawline, it makes me look hotter, and can't think of a good reason why others should not wear one, but it is a far greater crime against public civility to upbraid one's fellow citizens for their failure to comply.  I don't imagine these vermin account for more than 1% of the population, but they are generally the sort to make life miserable for everyone around them and they have never been more visible with their glowering red faces of supercilious scorn and voices like air-raid sirens.  They should be easy targets for a special multi-agency force of Federal goons to round up and dispose as a first act of your administration.

Perhaps this is shit to be fixed, but not too quickly?

K_Dubb

Also I notice Jacky trying to shuffle the ticket and propose himself and some vegetable named Turnip as candidates in an obvious psy-op.  As comforting as his evident composure and happy domestic circumstances may be to you vis-à-vis my wanton lust, I urge you to stay the course.  Should you choose to ply me with peach wine, however, I cannot pretend to answer for my behavior.

albrecht

Quote from: K_Dubb on August 11, 2020, 05:39:16 PM
I don't know, sir.  I am kind of enjoying this Corn Teening shit.  Restaurants are seriously upping their takeout game, with takeout cocktails and wine, and, as long as this beautiful summer weather persists, surreptitious picnics in out-of-the-way parks have a charm all their own.

Not to mention the easy identification of frowny-faces and other busybodies who take it upon themselves to enforce what they perceive as good public hygiene, usually mistakenly.  I like my mask because, not being blessed with a chiseled jawline, it makes me look hotter, and can't think of a good reason why others should not wear one, but it is a far greater crime against public civility to upbraid one's fellow citizens for their failure to comply.  I don't imagine these vermin account for more than 1% of the population, but they are generally the sort to make life miserable for everyone around them and they have never been more visible with their glowering red faces of supercilious scorn and voices like air-raid sirens.  They should be easy targets for a special multi-agency force of Federal goons to round up and dispose as a first act of your administration.

Perhaps this is shit to be fixed, but not too quickly?
I tend to agree. I can't quite get the attitude of the anti-maskers, especially because some of them (biker gangs etc) used to like the desperado look. And masks are a good thing for use in crimes- why I again don't understand why many BLMs and Antifada types sometimes don't wear them- or wear them ineffectually- when they do their looting. There also is a Seven Veils vibe I get when out and about and see some masked lady. A mystery. The Muslims were onto something, maybe? But they went too far. I mean the masked gal buying ecigs in a bikini at the Pakimart would likely be on the Muzzie's stoning list. She is looking good but a mask, so could be Loki or worse? I'm told some strip joints are open but masked. This seems to ignore other places where a virus can gain entry. Mask also might allow more of those struggling with their degree in nursing to moonlight? Some anonymity.

K_Dubb

Quote from: albrecht on August 11, 2020, 05:50:38 PM
I tend to agree. I can't quite get the attitude of the anti-maskers, especially because some of them (biker gangs etc) used to like the desperado look. And masks are a good thing for use in crimes- why I again don't understand why many BLMs and Antifada types sometimes don't wear them- or wear them ineffectually- when they do their looting. There also is a Seven Veils vibe I get when out and about and see some masked lady. A mystery. The Muslims were onto something, maybe? But they went too far. I mean the masked gal buying ecigs in a bikini at the Pakimart would likely be on the Muzzie's stoning list. She is looking good but a mask, so could be Loki or worse? I'm told some strip joints are open but masked. This seems to ignore other places where a virus can gain entry. Mask also might allow more of those struggling with their degree in nursing to moonlight? Some anonymity.

In former times foreign women's veils were nearly always seen as exotic and alluring.  I think the issue is aesthetic:  the kind of all-in-one visored snoods they wear now are just ugly and really bring out their unibrows.  I don't know why they wear them when a scrap of kilim carpet and a few coins dangling from a nose chain would be far more entrancing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9i5TQAqoPz8


Jackstar

Quote from: K_Dubb on August 11, 2020, 06:05:46 PM
I don't know why they wear them when a scrap of kilim carpet and a few coins dangling from a nose chain would be far more entrancing.


The standards are so strict due to the prevalence of raging, virulent, infectious oral lesions. What are you, new?

Jackstar

Quote from: K_Dubb on August 11, 2020, 05:46:05 PM
some vegetable named Turnip as candidates in an obvious psy-op

If it were so obvious, why did it take you over thirty years to notice its stunning and brilliant execution, eh? Take off, Hoser!

Jackstar

Quote from: K_Dubb on August 11, 2020, 05:46:05 PM
trying to shuffle the ticket

NICE TRY, PUNYLING.


PUT THOSE STUPID FUCKING COWS RIGHT IN THE GODDAMN WOODCHIPPER, YOU'LL GET OAT MILK PRETTY FUCKING QUICK
RAWR


(REDACTED)/(CENSORED) 2020
"If we told you, we'd have to fake your death"

[/quote]


K_Dubb

Having observed a number of transitions between masked and unmasked carefully, frequently with disappointment, I conclude that when confronted with a masked face the brain interpolates generic features that are in most cases superior to what lies beneath.

SpaceMeowMaid

Quote from: Kidnostad3 on August 11, 2020, 05:01:18 PM
Yeah, I thought better of using that term.  Thanks for validating my judgement. 
You want to really confuse the algorithms let's start using Algonquin:)

SpaceMeowMaid

Quote from: K_Dubb on August 11, 2020, 06:32:31 PM
Having observed a number of transitions between masked and unmasked carefully, frequently with disappointment, I conclude that when confronted with a masked face the brain interpolates generic features that are in most cases superior to what lies beneath.
Well TBH Jackstar is Sizzling HAWT with a mask or not. He had all the checkout ladies at Freddie's giggling and gawking last night when he took his mask off and brazenly checked and bagged all our stores for us... I personally will not miss the mask culture at all!!
Now this guy knows how it's done:
https://nypost.com/2020/08/11/john-mcafee-apparently-arrested-for-wearing-thong-instead-of-face-mask/


SpaceMeowMaid

Quote from: K_Dubb on August 11, 2020, 06:20:02 PM
Wave that dollar a little higher and I will.

Put a dollar in John's G-string why don't ya!?;)

K_Dubb

Quote from: SpaceMeowMaid on August 11, 2020, 07:16:00 PM
I personally will not miss the mask culture at all!!

Please not until I can pop out my other dimple!  I have been working on it for months ever since this nonsense started, first cheekbones and now dimples, and I can't bear to face the world with only a right dimple.

K_Dubb

Quote from: SpaceMeowMaid on August 11, 2020, 07:17:18 PM
Put a dollar in John's G-string why don't ya!?;)

Ahaha for a nice set of leather-bound luggage (the tastefully understated plain ones in British Tan, not the ones with little logos all over) I'd do whatever he wanted.

SpaceMeowMaid

Quote from: K_Dubb on August 11, 2020, 07:24:48 PM
Ahaha for a nice set of leather-bound luggage (the tastefully understated plain ones in British Tan, not the ones with little logos all over) I'd do whatever he wanted.

lol ya me too. Hooker


SpaceMeowMaid

Quote from: K_Dubb on August 11, 2020, 07:22:37 PM
Please not until I can pop out my other dimple!  I have been working on it for months ever since this nonsense started, first cheekbones and now dimples, and I can't bear to face the world with only a right dimple.

Hmmm. The only dimples I have are in my butt cheeks. Can't help ya there. GL

pate

Quote from: WOTR on August 11, 2020, 01:50:31 PM
... I thought you were laying seige to the white house after you and Pate were elected...

Hold the biscuit on the wheeled train of gravy one tic.  Why on the Lawd's Good Green Earf would siege be laid upon the Ultimate Seat of Power, after it had been acquired?

Either this is a minor typo, of which you may color me quite guilty;  as JackStar frequently DreamVision Quests instead of proof-reading:  OR you are Quebecquois{'they' spell things quite strangely in the mother tounge, I imagine it tis the Anglish infuleence} and your meaning is lost in translation.

In eiger case, I just wanted an easy chuckle...  Apogees!  Forgive me, WOTR!

I thank you in advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

pate

Quote from: SpaceMeowMaid on August 11, 2020, 07:16:00 PM
Well TBH Jackstar is Sizzling HAWT with a mask or not...

Obvious internal checksum of internals is obvious.  As Chief of MurMaidens by decree, certain allowances are made for thee.

Can JackStar follow you into murky depths on his Vision Quest, or does he require frequent visits to the Porcelain Throne?

Axing foar a great multiple of fiends.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

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