A proposal for Roswells, Art

Started by pate, July 06, 2020, 09:59:49 AM

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Quote from: Roswells, Art on October 17, 2022, 01:03:50 PMWaaait a minute...has he been serious all these years?!

That is an excellent question, unfortunately in order to answer it I would have to perform a semi-acrobatic maneuver to get to my Magic 8-Ball on the sitting room mantle.  It is obstructed by some decidedly Falkie-esque disorder currently:  My stack of 9"x9" beams & associated boardstock which is resting behind all my mom's Boston Ferns and my tropical plants that I had to bring in for the surprise freeze tonight.  Another one of those days that begins with mild levels of retardation only to progress to FULL RETARD some 14 hours (give or take) later...

My best answer at this time is:  Nautical Shore?

If I were serious, I would lean towards a Catholic Ceremony so that, if necessary & for reasons, we could request that the Pope perform an Annulment due to Non-consummation.

I doubt you would sign the Prenuptial Agreement, although I feel slightly honor-bound to present one to you if requested...

After I move the Tropicals & my mom's Boston Ferns to the Jungle Room and the Attic/3rd Floor tomorrow I will be sure to consult the Magic 8-Ball and see what it says about your question, and report back.


Roswells, Art

Quote from: pate on October 16, 2022, 06:16:17 PMIf you say so.

I do indeed.

QuoteThis is sometimes referred to as "Nice Guy Syndrome", which is used to describe a sense of entitlement to sexual or romantic attention from women simply for being "nice", and irrational anger when that attention is not forthcoming

Roswells, Art

Quote from: Dr. MD MD on October 18, 2022, 01:17:41 PMHe's pathetic. 🙄

Yes, that is why I've been so polite toward him. I see now I shouldn't have been. Live and learn, I guess.


Quote from: Roswells, Art on October 17, 2022, 02:31:38 PMI think a lot of Bellgabbers could benefit from this educational video:

Quote from: Roswells, Art on October 17, 2022, 01:46:20 PMWell, if you do win the election the amount of women he meets that are lesbians will go down drastically.

Hey Roz,

That was a funny vidya!

I certainly hope that the amount of lesbian applicants doesn't go down drastically!  I enjoy dating lesbians (I think technically they are referred to as bi-sexual nowadays).

I recall fondly the pair I dated back in my High School/Early College years.  One was a "Goth" type (they were both Kansans, I note) that was into Marylin Manson & Trent Reznor/NIN.  The NIN part I could handle, but Manson was a bit too much.  Anyway, she was the "lipstick" type.

Her friend was the type that liked to wear plaid/skater/frumpy stuff, and was the durty-hawt.

I would take them to one of the comedy clubs in town (had a line on free front row tickets from a local DJ) and this nice little wine bar/cafe.

I was early twenties (I think I turned 21 while we were dating?), and they were late teens.  Anyway, the Goth one moved to California at some point for college (Psychology Degree, big surprise!  Hah) and I believe her friend moved with her.

Last time I checked in on Goth-girl she was a Producer in Hollywood, and I could give you a linky-dink to what I am convinced is the other one in a porno (Nautical Shore about that, but some of the moles/blemishes are the same and if not her it is certainly her doppelganger!).

They were a lot of fun, and I would get Christmas cards from Goth-girl for several years until she stopped sending them.  I never sent her anything in return.  She was really cool, I keep meaning to drop her a note through the Social Media but never seem to get A Round Tuit.

I believe they were #2 & #3 lesbians for me, the first (think is anyway) is a now Jabba-the-Hutt-esque lady that lives in the neighborhood (or at least her mother does/did) haven't seen her in years.  Friend of a friend, used to come to Axis&Allies night at the local neighborhood pizza parlor.  I think she was being cruel to our mutual friend (who is now a "trans"-woman?  wtf?) who never got to Home Base with her...  That was High School and maybe the summer after?

#4 lesbian was a girl that lived in the house me and a bunch of friends rented near Westport, that is a crazy story.  Her girlfriend did not participate (didn't live in the house)

#5 Lived with me for a spell here at the PFDRp, I got a bit creeped out by her when she promised/threatened to handcuff me to a chair in the basement and bring over "some friends from the lesbian bar down the street"  -- The pate don't do bondage, nor butt-stuff!  She was deported shortly thereafter, although technically it was due to a rather klunky "love triangle" thing...

#6 was too young for me (I was 26-27??, she 19) and had a disgusting Jabba girlfriend, she was kindoff gross herself, but she came on awfully strong.  How could I say "no," this one ended poorly, and is why I now have a "lower limit" on how young a lady can be that I would date.  You have to be no more than 10 years younger than me:  at that time the rule was at least 18;  but as I aged I had to develop a new set...

#7 was an old friend from the neighborhood that I always believed was absolutely not into guys at all, she consoled me after she found out my #6 experience.  She was also older than me, which is a rarity.  Played Rugby, man what a dame!  She had some substance abuse issues, would frequently knock on my front door after the Lesbian Bar up the street closed for the night, which was fun if I didn't have to work the next day, but pissed me off one night when I did have to work (for the Army) the next morning.  I don't think she has spoken to me since I sent her away that 2-3am morning!

Now these are just the ones that I know for a fact are lesbians, there are several un-confirmed but suspected ones that were fun as well.

When I say "Lesbian" I mean "bi-sexual" of course, but that is probably because I am whatever wierd generation I belong to (not Boomer/not Millineal) and I refuse to be labeled as a "Gen X'er" because that was and is always a super-gay name.

I suppose that is TMI, but I am not ashamed of it.  I also enjoy straight women as well!

APogees on my promised Magic 8-ball answer to that earlier question, I had expected a day off when I fell asleep last night, and had intended to sleep in, but I got a frantic request to "come Fix my Shit" at roughly 9:30am and I am just now getting back from Pleasant Hill, MO (home of one of the NOAA weather stations...) and am enjoying a coffee break as I move plants up from the 1st floor to the Jungle room.

Hopefully, I will be done with that shortly as I have another potentially mildly retarded day that will require a 4am wake-up tomorrow.


Discuss why Fauci has been creeping around since at least 1856.  Pretending to croak every once in awhile and then moving on. If you can't score after that conversation there is no hope for you.



Quote from: Roswells, Art on October 18, 2022, 01:13:29 PM
QuoteThis is sometimes referred to as "Nice Guy Syndrome", which is used to describe a sense of entitlement to sexual or romantic attention from women simply for being "nice", and irrational anger when that attention is not forthcoming.

Is there such a thing in reverse, a kind of "Nice Girl Syndrome"? Or would that be more like the "Hell Hath No Fury Like a Women Scorned" condition?


Quote from: pate on October 18, 2022, 04:07:05 PMAPogees on my promised Magic 8-ball answer to that earlier question, I had expected a day off when I fell asleep last night

I feel badly for having hijacked your thread of romance, courting and proposed love with my sordid tales of proposed bondage, drug use and gay sex. If I may offer a suggestion on your answer as partial penance for my transgression?

I have custom built a magic 8 ball for just such an occasion. In answer to:
Quote from: Roswells, Art on October 17, 2022, 01:03:50 PMWaaait a minute...has he been serious all these years?!

It comes up with "the answer to this question is dependent on your answer to the proposal."

Really, we are back to requiring an answer of Roz to your earlier question before you should be required to answer the more recent question.

Roswells, Art

Quote from: WOTR on October 19, 2022, 12:14:11 AMI feel badly for having hijacked your thread of romance, courting and proposed love with my sordid tales of proposed bondage, drug use and gay sex. If I may offer a suggestion on your answer as partial penance for my transgression?

I have custom built a magic 8 ball for just such an occasion. In answer to:
It comes up with "the answer to this question is dependent on your answer to the proposal."

Really, we are back to requiring an answer of Roz to your earlier question before you should be required to answer the more recent question.

The short answer is no.
The long answer is noooooooooooooooooo!


Hey Roz,

Thank you for your prompt reply!

I now officially break up with you my erstwhile intar-tube girlfriend.  I salute your gameswomanship these past few years.

I would not want to leave you empty-handed;  for playing along so half-heartedly I would like to restore to you your Burger Queen crown:

You may pick it up on your next shift:  assuming you still work there and they still have some.  You might want to take a Sharpie and scratch out the word "King" and write "Queen" in.

Well Played.

Honestly, though I did not expect that you and Master Trollda would become such allies.  That was surprising, and might cost someone some dinero on the side bets.

Also, thank you for saving me the cost of having my jaw re-attached.

I will now have to re-learn/re-invent my pate-ese, so that we can get back to Nermal around hear!

Prosit! my sweet cookie Burger Queen!  YAY!



Quote from: Roswells, Art on October 19, 2022, 02:16:39 AMThe short answer is no.
The long answer is noooooooooooooooooo!

Personally, I believe this to be a mistake. But it's your life's to mess up with missed opportunities and short sighted rejections.

Providing that the position had not already been promised to dubb, Flotus is a very attractive title after the next election. And in the mean time you could be flotdrop.



I don't know if you noticed another of my un-wanted Proposals in another thread (if memory serves it was the "pate/K_Dubb 2024" thread, Nautical Shore).  I have decided that the economy of the PFDRp is able to support the addition of a "single job," that is not in anyway to be construed as a solicitation for Romance and/or Sexual Favors.

It is not an offer to enlist in the Canine Armed Forces of the PFDRp either, it is a strictly civilian position.

I believe it was listed as "DishwasherTest Kitchen Lab Tech" in the original offhand posting.

I shall try to formalize this Proposal below:


DishwasherTest Kitchen Lab Tech I
    Remuneration:  Room & Board, Paid Utilities & Internet, Bi-Monthly salary
          Duties:  Light housekeeping, Animal Waste Clean-up (canine), Grocery/Sundries Shopping & stowage/shelf stocking, Water House Plants, Laundry Services (no folding required)


I shall attempt to anticipate some questions you may or may not have. 

Room & Board

An unfinished Attic Apartment which comes with a private bathroom & kitchen-ette.  At present:  only the sink and toilet are in functional order;  the shower has been removed due to ongoing renovations.  That area is currently being utilized as an over-winter home for no fewer than 2 dozen Boston Ferns that belong to my mother.  As you can imagine, it is a bit messy.  The shower drain and supply lines (hawt and cold, LUXURY!) are still in place, and a functional one can very probably be knocked together in a relatively short time.  A fridge could easily be found suitable for the kitchen-ette.  The sink would have to pull double-duty as a bathroom+kitchenette sink until such time as I can install an extra drain.  Or you may utilize the main kitchen on the first floor for your food preparation needs.  They are both gas stoves.

Now the Attic apartment involves going up/down stairs and is sort of like a built-in StairMaster over the course of a few days;  I know this as I lived up there during my early Army days:  it will keep you fit and trim as long as you don't sit around watching TeeVee/Playing on the Intarnet all day.

Alternate Living Space Options:

1. Close off the Dining Room pocket doors to create a "False Wall" and use the regular door as your entryway to that studio apartment:  it has a private bathroom, but I have removed all the drains from that area as it is slated for demolition/remodeling for the eventual restaurant that will occupy the 1st & basement floors.  So that would have to be returned to working order.  It also has a nice Bay Window.  My brother lived in this "apartment" for a few years until he bought his own place...

2. Create a creepy, dank, and disturbing Basement Lair for you.  No toilet there, although there is a floor drain in the corner where the Laundry Facilities are...  If you really like Wolf spiders and Mormon crickets, this would be an ideal space.  It does have its own entry-door to the outside world, and an access door to the first floor (right next to the Test Kitchen).

The 2nd floor I reserve for my own use as living quarters, although there is a Futon in the Jungle Room.  I'll get a new mattress for that (the dogs are the only ones who have used it since it was acquired years ago) if you like.

If the above doesn't cover any questions you might have about "Room & Board," ask away.


Paid Utilities & Internet

This is pretty self-explanatory.

caveat:  I set the winter thermostat to somewhere around 60F (Forced Air Gas, furnace), and there is a brand new Air Conditioner integrated into that system.  Although, when my friend and sometime business associate was installing it I directed him to leave it unattached to the compressor as there was a small part needed depending on what type of Refrigerant was being used (it can use either the old Planet Destroying stuff or whatever newfangled one theythe hobo elite have invented) and I typically don't run AC during the brutal summers here, but I could if you required it for the job.  That summer thermostat I typically kept no more that 20F lower than the outside air temperature, which naturally varies, and I prefer to just open all the windows when the weather is below 80F and above 60F and use a few notorious "Box Fans" to move the fresh air around.

Water is damned expensive (the corrupt Democrat city I live in runs the water department) so hopefully you aren't one of those people who enjoy standing in the shower for hours on end running the bill up to intolerable levels, if so:  I will amend the paid utilities contract to not include the Water Bill and you will be responsible for half of it (I am tempted to do that from the outset just-in case!)

Internet will be/is:  evul Google Fiber (mega-bit fiberoptic) and is screamingly fast.  I have a (masssive, for this house) 20-port switch somewhere around the place and I could (and eventually intend) to run a pair of ethernet hardlines to each room in the house, or you may use either your own wireless router/switch or the GoogleFiber box's built in one for that.  Personally, I eschew wireless as it is unsecure to dedicated haxor-types.


Bi-Monthly salary

Due to the luxurious Housing & Utilities offered in conjunction with this Proposal, this will probably be a pittance if paid in U$D and is negotiable.  Alternatively, I can pay you in pateCoins whose value is tied to whatever various and sundry Business/Commercial ventures the PFDRp is involved in.  Basically, shares in those enterprises:  this will also probably be a pittance;  although they are not subject to the current U$D Inflation crisis.  So potentially that could be a Good Idea for you, I am not a Financial Advisor so you may want to speak to yours before settling on that.  Also, a combination of the two currencies could be negotiated.



The above listing is a sort of "Menu of Options" rather than an iron-clad list.  Basically, they are "George Jobs" that are relatively simple and frequently placed at the bottom of my "List of Shit to Fix."

The Light housekeeping & Animal Waste Clean-up bits are co-related.  My Dogs poop in the yard and I try to pick it up daily;  but fail:  there are occasionally an intentional "accident" where a small land-mine is deposited in the North Attic-apartment Room.  I think that is Flip when it is raining for a few days in a row, she hates the rain & thunder and refuses to venture outdoors when these things are occurring.  If you keep the door to the Attic closed, this will not occur and she will probably do that in the Jungle Room or something instead.  Again, this is a rarity might happen once or twice a year, usually she will dart out in the breaks between rain events and "doo her business."

The Light-housekeeping part is emptying the small trash cans in all the rooms before they get too full, as the dogs (again I suspect Flip, the miserable bitch) will pull stuff out of them and tear them up making a mess.  This is not separation anxiety, as it occurs whether I am at home or not, and frequently attempts are made to engage in this activity in my presence.  I am always stopping them from "digging" in the trash can right here next to my office desk!  Hanz is sneaky about it, but Mongo and Flip both will happily sniff the contents right in front of me, especially if I unthinkingly place some sort of food-related item in there:  Wrappers, empty condiment packets, etc...

As for Grocery/Sundries Shopping & stowage/shelf stocking, I will from time to time provide Monies and a List of Shit that the PFDRp requires for normal day-to-day operations.  I can provide a Company Vehicle for this, or you may use your own.  I will also provide a Sam's Club card so that you may purchase Gas from their somewhat cheaper pumps for the Company Vehicle, or your own.  All the purchases need to be put away neatly into the cupboards, fridges/freezers, lavatory closet/cabinets, laundry area, &etc as required.  I may even send you to the Hardware Store:  although you being a silly woman;  I am leery of this as you are genetically indisposed to successfully complete those types of missions.

On Water House Plants this includes Outside (Garden) Plants as well.  I am notorious for forgetting to do this!  You might assume that my inner Botanist would not allow this to occur, but it does.  Luckily, most of the Plants I have can tolerate this sort of Plant Abuse, as the ones that cannot tend to die off.  Care must be taken to not Over-Water the indoor plants, as the hard-wood floors do not like standing water on them and the Mop & Bucket will have to be utilized any time an Over-Watering event occurs.  (on that Mop & Bucket thing, the second floor bathroom sink does not have an "overflow" preventer, so if for some reason you are attempting to fill the sink in there and forget that the water is running it will overflow.  The floor in there is Tile, but if the sink overflows for too long the water will end up in the hallway which has hardwood floors.  In either case, if a "second floor sink overflow" event occurs, the Mop & Bucket will need to be deployed.  I intend to Fix that Shit someday.)

Laundry Services usually this will involve just throwing my clothes either from the Washing Masheen into the Dryer (Gas) or from the Dryer into a provided basket when you wish to do whatever personal laundry you have.  And possibly re-washing any clothes that I have left the Washing Masheen for several days without Drying (sometimes it takes a few wash cycles to rid the clothes of the unfortunate stinky-odor that occurs when they are forgotten, gross.)  Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES are a forgotten load of my stinky laundry to be placed in the Dryer!  I find a cap-full of Murphy's Oil soap in a forgotten load to be helpful when this occurs, even though the finished Laundry has a distinct "Pine-Sol" odor it is far better than the moldy/mildew stench...  Jeeze, I am tempted to offer actual GOLD for this to never happen.  I say tempted, my gold reserves are low, and I am loathe to part with any of it...


I believe that covers everything this particular Proposal requires, although additional Duties (based on your skill set) might be negotiated,  i.e.

Do you have any Carpentry skills?
Painting (Finish Tape, Brush/Roller, Surface Prep--Mud/Sanding/Primer/Wood-finish/Stain)?
Masonry (Tuck-Pointing--Limestone Block/Brick)?
Plumbing (Copper Pipe--Braising/Cutting/Installation, PVC--Joining/Cutting/Installation)?
Electric/Telecom Wiring (Wall-plates, Outlet Boxes, Junction Boxes, Wall Fishing, Three-Way Switching, Telephony, Ethernet, &tc)?
Sheet-rock (Demolition--Plaster&Lath, Rough, Finish, Ceiling Installation, &tc)?

Or anything else like that in the Construction/Remodel fields?

I have Power Tools & Equipment for all the things listed above:  BONU$ if you can do any of that without hurting yourself;  hell a second set of hands while I do some of those myself could be incredibly useful even if you do not possess the required skill-set.  Although, you will need to be able to put up with my Military Induced Tourettes' outbursts that frequently happen during those types of activities.  My "tics" include, but are not limited to:  "Cunt!," "Bitch-tits!," "WHORE!," "Fuck-Ass!," & combinations of those and quite a few others depending on the level of Construction Calamity being experienced.

I am tired of writing about this:  as you can well imagine;  if you have read to this point!



Yorkshire pud

Go on, you wet yourself laughing... 312174955_537739811693321_5864288155369723979_n.jpg


Hey Roz,

I have a new Proposal for you, this one involves Portugal and potentially some ocean-side property.  I figure I could reluctantly sell off some the PFDRp holdings and make this happen.

I would require a Contract for this proposal:  I think I could get my lawyer neighbor (and his wife who is Brazilian and speaks the Portuguese) to write something up that limits both your and my risk in this Venture;  he specializes in Property Law, albeit the US version.

First, you might peruse the following article:

How to Start a New Life in Portugal for Under $300,000

Quote from: https://www.sovereignman.com/trends/how-to-start-a-new-life-in-portugal-for-under-300000-143936/

...The cheapest Golden Visa investment option in Portugal is to purchase a €280,000 property. But there are several conditions...

My Hare-Brained Scheme relies on our ability to find an appropriately rural ocean-front property and part of the planned renovations for the Property will involve a dock of sufficient length, depth, and girth for your sailboat.  Perhaps a jetty, just because that sounds cool:  we can use your sailboat to build that I imagine;  if we can sail it to a quarry where boulders can be loaded onto it and bring them back.

Naturally, I do not know what financial resources you might have available for this adventure:  hopefully you could match mine on a 50:50 basis?  If not, we could negotiate a lower ratio (or higher ratio depending on which side of the equation you are looking at it from) of ownership in this Proposal.

I understand there is a possibility of eventual Portuguese citizenship, if you meet certain conditions.  I do not know if that is possible for me as I am already a Dual-US/PFDRp Citizen.  I suppose I could always revoke my US Citizenship (which would naturally mean I would have to leave the Office of President which I would no longer be eligible for, which isn't a horrible option:  It would certainly secure me Yet Another Place in History, HAH!) and be a Dual Portuguese/PFDRp which sort of rhymes better, I digress...

I could bring along all my Red Oak board-stock, beams, and planks for the domicile/residence renovations (probably not suitable for the dock, but we could find out...  I imagine what I have wouldn't make a large enough one and we would need to secure more.)

Before you reject this Proposal out-of-hand, you might Ponder on It for a few Precious Moments (do you collect Precious Moments figurines?  For some reason I imagine that you might, Nautical Shore?)

Anyhow;  I have written far too much:  as you are not likely to read this.




Hey Roswells, Art are you still in the Trebuchet business.

I hope allswells, with you and yours.


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