Azzerae's World

[AZZERAE]

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Oh I see you floating there
How could I ever hope to forget
Always rearranging
These words are a lie a mirror reflecting in a mirror of a lie
A light shines still always
Shadows in every word
Beneath black eaves
Please don’t leave me here
I could stop it
Maybe I could stop it (if I wanted to)
But I’m not the one driving anymore
I know who I am
But I know who I am
Right?
(Please don't leave me here with you)


[Jackstar]

I've known you many years, but this is the first time you've asked for help. [...] But now you come to me and say, "give me justice"?

Nigga I've seen that movie too, but it really doesn't apply here, because I made what I asked you to do QUITE CRYSTAL CLEAR. You have had AMPLE opportunity.

So... kick down, or declare conflict. I'm not actually going to let you down from this one. You're going to have to recognize--you asked for this.

[AZZERAE]

[n]igga

That's actually a gesture and a moniker steeped in disrespect.

Runnin' a li'l low on zazz, I see...

[Jackstar]

You disown me thrice, before the rooster crows. I weep bitterly.

I'm not going to lie, I am intrigued by this display, but I am somewhat disenchanted by the way you've had ample time to get anything across to me, and yet have failed--until now--to actually achieve that pinnacle of expression.

And now, upon reaching your apparent zenith of personal accomplishment, rather than recognize how far you've come, you're on about me disowning you. Thus, implying that there were ever a bond of possession. To say nothing of the clear inference the reader is meant to be making... that being disowned is somehow preferable to be being free.

You fuckin' subs are all the Got-damn same, you know? What did the masochist say to the sadist? "Hurt me." Now, think it through--what did the sadist say to the masochist?

"Hey, don't you have any other way of getting someone's attention, other than... badly?" Amongst other things. Look, look, read, read: you mayhaps have your supplication answered by me, but first, you must kick down. This point is non-negotiable.

This isn't a policy of my company. This is part of responsible citizenship. Were I to engage with you as you seemingly demand, I would have to submit to your claims of... well, whatever. And as much as it intrigues me... I happen to already know what happens if I jump into that ass-first. So, spare us all the falderal, and kick down the requested d'load package. Pretty please. With sugar on top. Kick down.

Or, don't, it's no matter to me either way. I get victorious points regardless. What matters to you--or, ought to--is what I am going to get to spend those points on, in very short order. And if you have any hope whatsoever of getting any kind of vote on the matter, you had best get to crackin', as I can assure you, I've thrown away more intriguing chances than this, just in the last four months, and I'm gonna regret those more than this one, because at least none of those used their name in ALL CAPS, yeesh.

Don't you have any respect for yourself? Yes, well, clearly that's a struggle for you. Tell you what, I'll banish your demons, and then you'll congratulate yourself for choosing such a wise and clever associate, and then... well, who knows? BUT UNTIL YOU KICK DOWN, YOU GET NOTHING. You only imagine yourself getting something here.

I am aware that I don't really want what I am demanding of you... but see, I know that, and I am merely complying that far and no further, so as to give you at least some semblance of a fighting chance. Because I care about you, as I do about all my Punyling tadpoles.

I'm a soft touch, alright. NOW. KICK DOWN. BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE FIGURES OUT THAT I'M A CARE BEAR. What would be on my tummy, and what color would I be? What color is bile? Because that color. And of course, actual bile, because authenticity is important to a guy like me. Just ask Seventeen.

[Jackstar]

Runnin' a li'l low on zazz, I see...

I budgeted for "Heather Wade"--you're basically extra credit. Cheers! Also, given that imitation is said to be the most sincere form of flattery, I think you've got a long way to go before you aren't being flattering, Pard.

[Jackstar]

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These words are a lie a mirror reflecting in a mirror of a lie
[...]
(Please don't leave me here with you)


Now, look, look, read, read, attend me here, Class: this is what actual psychosis can look like, whereas what I am doing is clearly performance art. Tell you what, Class--you can take over for me from this point, I'll check back later after I blaze up a phatty J in the Teacher's Lounge.

Rank hath its privileges. END OF LINE.

[AZZERAE]

Take your Lithium J卍ckst卍r

Bwahahaha!

kick down.

kick down

Kick down.

KICK DOWN

KICK DOWN.

Point your gun at me. Hope I'll go away. But if God were alive, He'd hate you anyway.

[AZZERAE]

imitation mutilation is...the most sincere form of flattery

[AZZERAE]

[T]his is what actual psychosis...look like

[Zazzerae] can take over for me from this point...check back later after I blaze up a phatty J

END OF LINE. [*snff*]

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shizophrenia sdiary

I go periods of time without remembering stuff...but dont notice the time go by...Ill only know when I think what did I do all last Sat and then I dont remember... I lie alot I imagine

people and they seem real, I have convos with them in my head and then I'm convinced they are real, these are what I lie about I have a terrible temper sometimes I lash out at

people for no reason, especially my boyfriend, I have terrible mood swings,mostly at him Im very good at hiding all this except the mood swings, and these are only directed at a

certin few. I used to self harm I had a diary that I wrote crazy stuff in and dont remember writing half of it. Im often parinoid



View all posts by schizophrenia sdiary

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 26th, 2011 at 9:38 PM and posted in Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.



[AZZERAE]

CRYSTAL

[AZZERAE]

I made what I asked you to do QUITE CRYSTAL CLEAR. You have had AMPLE opportunity.

If you made it clearer still, perhaps you'd "get it".

[AZZERAE]

WORLDWALKER

GULAG

[Enard P Farkwark]

Ah that’s too bad. The mud hut dwelling b team wannabe terrorist is still around. Was hoping for news otherwise. Oh well.  Wakey wakey. It’s a little after 6am your time. That crappy pirate vessel isn’t gonna operate itself off the coast now is it?

[paladin1991]

Nigga I've seen that movie too, but it really doesn't apply here, because I made what I asked you to do QUITE CRYSTAL CLEAR. You have had AMPLE opportunity.

So... kick down, or declare conflict. I'm not actually going to let you down from this one. You're going to have to recognize--you asked for this.

Dude, can you stop taunting this cat?  I'm still waiting for you to make me a fucking sandwich and a cup of coffee.

[AZZERAE]

[Spookcat]

Where are your alleged real pic Avatars?! How 'bout one with your cat? (Sorry for your loss, sincerely.) Or, one that is very recent with "a tell" in the pic to know it's recent and actually you? Or, were all these Avatars not really pics of your real make-up face anyways? Be the Open Book you said you would be or not.

Is Metron in solitary confinement barred from Internet connection? It must be suffering from severe withdrawal pangs and autistic shakes. Not Sad. But. That Demon WILL be back!

FU Metron.

I've seen a picture of the handsome cat. He was a cute lil ginger kitty.

[VC]

Always knew you and Metron would never part ways in Squirty Spirits beyond seconds, minutes, hours, a few days at most in extreme desperation.

Congrats, in spirit, cause I love your "real" Avatar COS play pics. There's a s-he named Dietrich you need to meet so you can squirty share make-up tips and swap-fest your COS Play Pics. Been missing your Avatars AzzStab. You're so kool in spirit.

<3 FU Metron

Speaking of pics and synchronicity see my next post below from Spookcat:

[VC]

I've seen a picture of the handsome cat. He was a cute lil ginger kitty.

I'm jealous! You're one pretty kitty spook-kat yourself. Meow. <purring hugs>

You should post some here all dressed-up. Really cute! Seriously.

Is that handsome cat's pic(s) still available online or can be posted? Not sure why Azzarae is soooooo shy about it? I have multiple audio clips where Azzarae pledges his life is an Open Book, and s-he doesn't care if any pics are posted of "s-heself".

[Spookcat]

I'm jealous! You're one pretty kitty spook-kat yourself. Meow. <purring hugs>

You should post some here all dressed-up. Really cute! Seriously.

Is that handsome cat's pic(s) still available online or can be posted? Not sure why Azzarae is soooooo shy about it? I have multiple audio clips where Azzarae pledges his life is an Open Book, and s-he doesn't care if any pics are posted of "s-heself".

Flatterer.

Alas, unless Azzerae gives permission, I won't post or show around what was sent to me. If I did, I would be like ponyboysunset, and I think we can agree that one of those was enough.

[VC]

Flatterer.

Just being directly honest, because I saw that "COS play" spook-kat pic of you someone posted I think at AzzStab's forum. It's like you were one of the actresses in the London Play Cats. Were you?

Beautiful nonetheless.

Alas, unless Azzerae gives permission, I won't post or show around what was sent to me. If I did, I would be like ponyboysunset, and I think we can agree that one of those was enough.

Someday maybe s-he will reveal this handsome ginger cat. Can you confirm or deny Azzerae's COS Play Avatars are really s-he or not? These Avatars seem too professional in quality to be that many in number of poses to be "just" of AzzStab, so I'm really impressed s-he says this is "his" true trans-self-image. For some bizarre reason s-he keeps playing hard to get on providing the truth about it.

I would think those Avatars would be well known by other COS Players, since these seem to be on the "professional model" level. Perhaps it's some trans-model that professionally poses for something somewhere.

Do you think these Avatar pics are really of Azzerae's true self? Or, maybe you recognize these trans-model pics from some known COS play modeling or possible sources? What do you think? Speculate.

[AZZERAE]

Cenacle of Sin

Sigil

[AZZERAE]

A great American philosopher once said, "I want to slit your throat and fuck the wound".

I'll take my answer off the air.

[AZZERAE]

[AZZERAE]

Praise MV!

A li'l birdy "deep throat" told me it had an aftertaste of saltine.

[AZZERAE]

20:56 09 Jul 20

[Spookcat]

Just being directly honest, because I saw that "COS play" spook-kat pic of you someone posted I think at AzzStab's forum. It's like you were one of the actresses in the London Play Cats. Were you?

Beautiful nonetheless.Someday maybe s-he will reveal this handsome ginger cat. Can you confirm or deny Azzerae's COS Play Avatars are really s-he or not? These Avatars seem too professional in quality to be that many in number of poses to be "just" of AzzStab, so I'm really impressed s-he says this is "his" true trans-self-image. For some bizarre reason s-he keeps playing hard to get on providing the truth about it.

I would think those Avatars would be well known by other COS Players, since these seem to be on the "professional model" level. Perhaps it's some trans-model that professionally poses for something somewhere.

Do you think these Avatar pics are really of Azzerae's true self? Or, maybe you recognize these trans-model pics from some known COS play modeling or possible sources? What do you think? Speculate.

I haven't seen the picture you speak of, but I think you've been had. I'm not a cosplayer at all. I adore cats but purely in an... aesthetic and happy way. I've never dressed up as one.

As for Azzeraes true appearance, I'm afraid I can't shine any light on that for you. I've never met Azz in person or communicated through anything but text, unless they were in the bartcast audio chat discord; but honestly, it's been so long I can't remember. I don't think so though because I wouldn't have been surprised by the accent during the first Azzeraes World.

I haven't been around here much, but some of the avatars have been very well done, I think. I remember thinking some were similar to the "visual kei" culture in Japan. Sort of a goth, punk metal meets high fashion. I hope that isn't offensive.

[VC]

I haven't seen the picture you speak of, but I think you've been had. I'm not a cosplayer at all. I adore cats but purely in an... aesthetic and happy way. I've never dressed up as one.

Hahaha... yeah, I've been had. Someone spoofed you as being dressed-up as a cat and indicated it was you, Spookcat. Nice pic, though. Do you have any Asian look in your face? Some Japanese or Chinese or ?

I know AzzStab has been trolling me with his Avatars claiming it is s-he, but he never posts an Avatar to prove it. Plus, there are too many Avatar pics that are really professionally done like model shots. I was just hoping someone would know whom this trans-cos-player is. It's not AzzStab, imo.

[attachment=1,msg1403472]

[VC]

I haven't seen the picture you speak of, but I think you've been had. I'm not a cosplayer at all. I adore cats but purely in an... aesthetic and happy way. I've never dressed up as one.

Here is the photo, I guess some COS play photo, that Azzerae posted to spoof as you.

[attachment=1,msg1403523]

[AZZERAE]

Why don't you post a photo of yourself, VC? It seems you're too shit scared to so much as have an avatar.

[AZZERAE]

Here is the photo, I guess some COS play photo, that Azzerae posted to spoof as you.

I never posted this photo, and the whole premise of Spookcat's real life likeness being published publicly on my site is just a flat out lie. This had nothing to do with me.