Author Azzerae's World  (Read 15176 times)

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Azzerae's World
« Reply #270 on: December 05, 2019, 05:10:52 AM »
Chat with me in private if you wish to resolve any of the conflict between us.


Back in the
(Circle of Friends!!!) 

Azzerae's World
« Reply #271 on: December 05, 2019, 05:20:57 AM »
I'm trying to recall which country you are in...

Finally. Someone decent.

I was in Indonesia, but now I'm back in South Africa.

Is there a public system - or is it all private?

There is a public system, but its pretty terrible. I'm on a private "medical aid".

Do you mind sharing which anti-depressant you are on?

Sure: Serdep. "Zoloft" in American terms. Pretty run-of-the-mill stuff.

I'm kind of curious how it is working as a good friend just changed from prozac and says that the new one allows for a much greater range of emotion (positive and negative.)

While I don't know anything about Prozac, as I've never taken it, this is my experience with Serdep/Zoloft:

At first, it gave me the worst headache I've ever experienced in my life. Like within 15 minutes of taking it. Then, that night, I ground my teeth to the point where I chipped my left front tooth. In the next few weeks, I lost my appetite completely. All I could do was drink weak tea - at the most. For about a month, I was dizzy, only able to lay down, hardly walk ... my heart even felt like it was going to explode one time. Like anxiety on steroids. Another time I felt "high," like numb.

Eventually, I realised that certain delusions I'd had waned (paranoia that loved ones were out to get me, that I was being monitored). I felt different overall, but I just can't describe how exactly.

Then came the giggling fits. I developed hysterical laughter because of a serotonin imbalance ... maybe even created by the antidepressant. And at night, I was having manic, racing thoughts that'd wake me up before dawn.

My mood stabilizer was increased at this point, and I was then administered an atypical antipsychotic, which gave me the most vivid frightmares you could ever fathom. I had bouts of religious obsession and hallucinations about the Devil and Hindu deities at this point. I guess my chemical make up was adjusting to the abundance of active agents rewiring all my neurons.

I had always assumed that the point of them was to dull emotion and was a little surprised to find that the one that is more helpful for him is allowing more emotion rather than less.

All in all, the antidepressant I'm on - combined with the other medications - has definitely reduced my emotional expression. But, for me, that's been a tremendously good thing, because I was always hypersensitive to the point of it being crippling, and just unable to focus or ever calm down in general. So I operate - for the most part - like a more relaxed, rational and calm person.

But that doesn't mean I haven't had bad days. It just means they're way less. I've only gotten depressed to the point of suicidal ideation (like I'm really gonna do it) ONCE in the past while. And that's a huge improvement, because I was on my way to giving up just a couple months ago, when I first got help.

Is it 100% medication for you - or is there some other therapy as well?

I would say, on paper, it seems like its just been medication, but fortunately enough, my psychiatrist has provided some therapy along with the medication she's prescribed. I consider myself lucky to have such a kind, patient doctor ... one who (I personally feel) has gone above and beyond her job.

Azzerae's World
« Reply #272 on: December 05, 2019, 05:39:12 AM »
Thanks Azz;

Quite interesting to hear everything that came around to get you to some stability. It is true- a good doctor (one who cares- not just one who knows the symptoms and the "cure") makes all the difference for treatment.

Do you think that any of the side effects were "psychosomatic"?

I have no doubt that some people (likely you) need to have the emotions reigned in. I just found it interesting that my friend is actually finding the increased range to be a good thing. I think that his previous medication possibly suppressed the good and the bad to the point where it was harder to "feel" and to make a connection with others.

It sounds in his case like he almost needs to learn how to experience the emotions again. In your case, it seems like learning how to avoid the extreme highs and lows is probably more important.

Anyhow, good to see you around again...

Azzerae's World
« Reply #273 on: December 05, 2019, 05:49:43 AM »
Do you think that any of the side effects were "psychosomatic"?

Of course my initial instinct is to dismiss the possibility out of hand.

First I'll tell you why I think not, and then why, maybe, some side effects were.

I felt like I was observing the things that were happening to me, and that they came on out of the blue. So many weird sensations ran through my being that I find it hard to accept that they were all "in my head."

I guess we must remember, nevertheless, that you're communicating with a person who has a lot going on "in his head," anyway.

But, yes, I did read the package insert before taking my first dose. And I did my own extensive personal research on what other people experienced when going onto this medication. So that most definitely could've been something that influenced the sensations I felt.

I have no doubt that some people (likely you) need to have the emotions reigned in. I just found it interesting that my friend is actually finding the increased range to be a good thing. I think that his previous medication possibly suppressed the good and the bad to the point where it was harder to "feel" and to make a connection with others.

It sounds in his case like he almost needs to learn how to experience the emotions again. In your case, it seems like learning how to avoid the extreme highs and lows is probably more important.

Yeah, I definitely needed to dial the feelings down, but could never - for the life of me - manage to do so without eventually popping pills. As I'm sure anyone can see, I'm still "myself," that is I still have my quirks ... but my inner life is much more at peace with things than it once was.

Anyhow, good to see you around again...

Likewise. I doubt this place is good for me. Maybe after Friday night's show I'll bow out from actively using the forum. We'll have to see.

Azzerae's World
« Reply #274 on: December 05, 2019, 06:37:26 AM »
Everyone visit Azzy homepage at azzgab.com

Please ENJOY!

Azzerae's World
« Reply #275 on: December 05, 2019, 06:55:34 AM »

Back in the
(Circle of Friends!!!) 

Such lucky man. lol

Azzerae's World
« Reply #276 on: December 05, 2019, 07:11:12 AM »
Somebody should bring a round of bullets to your attention.

You should cut yourself for this wanker post. Best you can do, I suppose. ::)

Azzerae's World
« Reply #277 on: December 05, 2019, 07:15:48 AM »
Yeah, well, you're getting me angry.

That doesnít seem hard to do.

Azzerae's World
« Reply #278 on: December 05, 2019, 07:17:26 AM »
Yeah, well, you're getting me angry. Which I'm sure has produced a woody. Try not cum all over your keyboard, I know you're all out of paper towels at this point.

Also, I notice how the anger seems to get you all worked up sexually. Sex and violence is a big thing for you, isnít it?

Azzerae's World
« Reply #279 on: December 05, 2019, 07:26:00 AM »
They haven't, actually. I'm able to calm down and concentrate for short stretches now, thanks to my pills.

Here are some of my recent artworks:





Good job, Azzerae.

Azzerae's World
« Reply #280 on: December 05, 2019, 07:32:44 AM »
So, a South African sex tourist to Indonesia doesnít like Americans. Big deal! Itís whiny Eurofags like him that have forced our hand politically anyway. Like most of the rest of the world you find it conveniently easy to blame America for all your many problems because youíre too fucking lazy to look in a mirror and do the work yourself. Waaa!! Iím all screwed up cuz America and orange man bad! Pathetic. Arenít there South African people on a South African forum you could be annoying?

Azzerae's World
« Reply #281 on: December 05, 2019, 07:38:12 AM »
Finally. Someone decent.

I was in Indonesia, but now I'm back in South Africa.

There is a public system, but its pretty terrible. I'm on a private "medical aid".

Sure: Serdep. "Zoloft" in American terms. Pretty run-of-the-mill stuff.

While I don't know anything about Prozac, as I've never taken it, this is my experience with Serdep/Zoloft:

At first, it gave me the worst headache I've ever experienced in my life. Like within 15 minutes of taking it. Then, that night, I ground my teeth to the point where I chipped my left front tooth. In the next few weeks, I lost my appetite completely. All I could do was drink weak tea - at the most. For about a month, I was dizzy, only able to lay down, hardly walk ... my heart even felt like it was going to explode one time. Like anxiety on steroids. Another time I felt "high," like numb.

Eventually, I realised that certain delusions I'd had waned (paranoia that loved ones were out to get me, that I was being monitored). I felt different overall, but I just can't describe how exactly.

Then came the giggling fits. I developed hysterical laughter because of a serotonin imbalance ... maybe even created by the antidepressant. And at night, I was having manic, racing thoughts that'd wake me up before dawn.

My mood stabilizer was increased at this point, and I was then administered an atypical antipsychotic, which gave me the most vivid frightmares you could ever fathom. I had bouts of religious obsession and hallucinations about the Devil and Hindu deities at this point. I guess my chemical make up was adjusting to the abundance of active agents rewiring all my neurons.

All in all, the antidepressant I'm on - combined with the other medications - has definitely reduced my emotional expression. But, for me, that's been a tremendously good thing, because I was always hypersensitive to the point of it being crippling, and just unable to focus or ever calm down in general. So I operate - for the most part - like a more relaxed, rational and calm person.

But that doesn't mean I haven't had bad days. It just means they're way less. I've only gotten depressed to the point of suicidal ideation (like I'm really gonna do it) ONCE in the past while. And that's a huge improvement, because I was on my way to giving up just a couple months ago, when I first got help.

I would say, on paper, it seems like its just been medication, but fortunately enough, my psychiatrist has provided some therapy along with the medication she's prescribed. I consider myself lucky to have such a kind, patient doctor ... one who (I personally feel) has gone above and beyond her job.

Oof! I hated Zoloft. It was the worst for me in terms of side effects when we were trying to find something that helped. I am glad you believe it's helping you, though. Mental illness is a difficult thing.

Azzerae's World
« Reply #282 on: December 05, 2019, 07:44:56 AM »
Thanks Azz;

Quite interesting to hear everything that came around to get you to some stability. It is true- a good doctor (one who cares- not just one who knows the symptoms and the "cure") makes all the difference for treatment.

Do you think that any of the side effects were "psychosomatic"?

I have no doubt that some people (likely you) need to have the emotions reigned in. I just found it interesting that my friend is actually finding the increased range to be a good thing. I think that his previous medication possibly suppressed the good and the bad to the point where it was harder to "feel" and to make a connection with others.

It sounds in his case like he almost needs to learn how to experience the emotions again. In your case, it seems like learning how to avoid the extreme highs and lows is probably more important.

Anyhow, good to see you around again...

I can sympathize with your friend. For some, feeling emotions are amplified. It becomes overwhelming at times. A lot of medications can numb a person so they don't feel anything when all the person is looking for is something to just lower the levels.

Azzerae's World
« Reply #283 on: December 05, 2019, 07:54:17 AM »



I'm currently home however enjoying your meltdown.... Just in case you wondered.  :)


#MeToo!

Azzerae's World
« Reply #284 on: December 05, 2019, 08:37:03 AM »
MD: swoops in first thing every morning and attempts to defend his little make believe friends online. Deeply lacking the intellectual capacity to see further than petty squabbles, he must police what is and isn't acceptable here (in his own mind). He has his title "BellGabber of the Year" to uphold, y'know.

Azzerae's World
« Reply #285 on: December 05, 2019, 08:39:44 AM »
If anyone has trouble with me being here, take it up with Liberace. Your knight in shining armour is the one who holds the keys, the very person who let me back in. Your gripe should be with him, not me. Its his forum. And he allows it.

Azzerae's World
« Reply #286 on: December 05, 2019, 08:41:48 AM »
All you bottom feeders can do is band together and try take me on in numbers, but I can hold my own, being the one true pariah on this board, and standing up for myself. You're the bullies, and the weak. All you can do is sing the same old song - unlike myself who is always growing and adapting.

Azzerae's World
« Reply #287 on: December 05, 2019, 08:45:52 AM »
Oof! I hated Zoloft. It was the worst for me in terms of side effects when we were trying to find something that helped.

I'm sorry to hear that. What were the side effects, for you?

Azzerae's World
« Reply #288 on: December 05, 2019, 08:58:00 AM »
MD: swoops in first thing every morning and attempts to defend his little make believe friends online. Deeply lacking the intellectual capacity to see further than petty squabbles, he must police what is and isn't acceptable here (in his own mind). He has his title "BellGabber of the Year" to uphold, y'know.

Just exercizing my right to free speech, you commie troll. ;)

Howís your imaginary fiance doing?  :D

Azzerae's World
« Reply #289 on: December 05, 2019, 09:00:02 AM »
If anyone has trouble with me being here, take it up with Liberace. Your knight in shining armour is the one who holds the keys, the very person who let me back in. Your gripe should be with him, not me. Its his forum. And he allows it.

I have no problem. I just wonder why you go out of your way to come to an American forum if you donít even like America or Americans?! Pleae, tell us what make South Africa so great in comparison.

Azzerae's World
« Reply #290 on: December 05, 2019, 09:01:58 AM »
All you bottom feeders can do is band together and try take me on in numbers, but I can hold my own, being the one true pariah on this board, and standing up for myself. You're the bullies, and the weak. All you can do is sing the same old song - unlike myself who is always growing and adapting.

Typical snowflake. You willingly come here looking for attention. We give it to you and then you frame it as being attacked. Pure manufactured outrage. Die in a fire now!

Azzerae's World
« Reply #291 on: December 05, 2019, 09:02:42 AM »
I'm sorry to hear that. What were the side effects, for you?

Yeah, cuz you really, really care. ::) ;D

Azzerae's World
« Reply #292 on: December 05, 2019, 09:14:28 AM »
No matter how succinctly I put it, you will never understand.

Azzerae's World
« Reply #293 on: December 05, 2019, 09:21:14 AM »
No matter how succinctly I put it, you will never understand.

Yeah, youíre just so above it all. ::)

VC

Azzerae's World aka Metron's EPIC MELTDOWN
« Reply #294 on: December 05, 2019, 06:02:47 PM »
If anyone has trouble with me being here, take it up with Liberace. Your knight in shining armour is the one who holds the keys, the very person who let me back in. Your gripe should be with him, not me. Its his forum. And he allows it.

It IS Metron that is having a glorious meltdown over your posts here today. IF only he had "the power" you would be banned for your treachery. :D

Apparently Azz has a new sugar daddy in South Africa on the West coast, his best "friend" Forest Dweller. Azz is moving in with him on Dec 11th.
Sugar daddy Forest Dweller, lol imagine the smell.

Azz is known to be half a man. Always on the bottom. heh heh

Metron is pussy shitting an epic tantric meltdown over AzzStab posting here. He is counting every single post to pin down and assault his loverboy Azz for nearing 50 or more posts here today.

Welcome back AzzStabbing Metron traitor and Metron counting... keep posting meltdowns over there. Bwahahaha! Azz really loves you.

What a glorious day in the neighborhood. "Would you be mine." ...Poor, poor, Metron can't own his Azz anymore. :D

Sounds like a nice hook-up with the DigitalPigSnuggler.  A match made in Hell BellGab.  Praise Lee and start the nuptials.

Metron is on the down low and in-out over 50 times today, so you've got a candidate. Don't know whether DPS is a member there? Azz is in AssStab land for any meetups though. You'll be doxxed both-ways or the other. ;)

Azzerae's World aka Metron's EPIC MELTDOWN
« Reply #295 on: December 05, 2019, 06:09:50 PM »
It IS Metron that is having a glorious meltdown over your posts here today. IF only he had "the power" you would be banned for your treachery. :D

Metron is having one of its epic meltdowns over AzzStab posting here. He is counting every single post to pin down and assault his loverboy Azz for nearing 50 or more posts here today.

Welcome back AzzStabbing Metron traitor and Metron counting... keep posting meltdowns over there. Bwahahaha! Azz really loves you.

What a glorious day in the neighborhood. "Would you be mine." ...Poor, poor, Metron can't own his Azz anymore. :D

Metron is on the down low and in-out over 50 times today, so you've got a candidate. Don't know whether DPS is a member there? Azz is in AssStab land for any meetups though. You'll be doxxed both-ways or the other. ;)

Me Tron was in Dave Darins live YouTube chat this afternoon.  If you haven't watched it, AND READ THE LIVE CHAT,  well,

BWAHAHAHAHA


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyGyuO2Aw-k

Azzerae's World
« Reply #296 on: December 05, 2019, 06:11:12 PM »
Isn't it lovely VC? All sorts of meltdowns happening simultaneously, in perfect harmony. Hallelujah.

Azzerae's World
« Reply #297 on: December 05, 2019, 06:13:25 PM »
Isn't it lovely VC? All sorts of meltdowns happening simultaneously, in perfect harmony. Hallelujah.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9BNoNFKCBI

Azzerae's World
« Reply #298 on: December 05, 2019, 06:18:19 PM »

Azzerae's World
« Reply #299 on: December 05, 2019, 06:20:05 PM »