Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade

[Jackstar]

#Heatherreboot

Grapefruit likes boots. Put Heather in pumps. Spare the steel cage... for now.



Yes, Gablings. I did tell you, minds would be blown. Now, please clap and go fuck yourselves, honestly. Do you know how many phone calls I have to make? Well, really... none. None whatsoever. hey, btw, asking for a friend--what happens if I call some broad with a temporary protection order, just to say, "sorry, don't worry about it!" Would they send me directly to jail, or can I loaf around and giggle for a few weeks first while pretending the tsunami is incoming?

I would pay cash money to know, how many actually deemed me to be any kind of "negative adjective" person. A lie repeated often enough becomes true... does it? Fuck no, believe me, I've never had to stalk anyone, and only one really didn't like it. But that was an aberration, because she was a fucking G-tdamned thief, and assumed I was only being forgiving to get to fuck her anyway.

Oh no. I thought it was some kind of hallucination. When I figured out she thought attempting to steal from me would make me angry... awwwww. That was adorable. Someone get those two kids together. You can spell her name, right? I told you how to find her, right?

YOU HAVE TIME TO MAKE UP SOME STORY REVISIONS, RIGHT? WELL, SOME PEOPLE HAVE TOO MUCH FUCKING FREE TIME. YOU ARE TAKING THAT RIDE. RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

(Most of you are not going to identify with that. Or, shit, what do I know? No promises now, only flexing and victory laps.)

So, can we... take another call here? Would that be alright?"

Look, I'm taking the whole herd. Obvious power vacuum is obvious. Don't think I won't or can't do it. Tell George I'm told he won't die, I just have to be extra polite, because of Mom. His or mine? If it's mine, fuck it, snuff her out, good luck, and any other Mother... I will be honest, my girl does transmit an honest desire for some worthy company. I think Hannah and her sisters would do. You know the ones you haven't informed of the truth yet? Huh. Does Heather care about this? That's funny... I don't know, or care.

No truth, no love, no apology. Wait, what? Those Thelemite fucknutters really went too far. As if I would have really killed anyone. Does fucking someone to death count? Come on, I can resurrect. In Minecraft.







I'M NOT MORE HARASSING THAN ANYONE ELSE IN RECENT MEMORY, AM I? ASKING FOR A FRIEND WHO TRIED TO LIE INSTEAD OF DOING THE WORK--NIGGA YOU DON'T KNOW JACK OR SHIT ABOUT INTERDIMENSIONAL TRAVEL, BUT I DO GIVE PROPS FOR YOUR ATTEMPT TO PLAY PRETEND WITH ME. ALSO NIGGA IS NOT AN INSULT, AND NEITHER IS 'FEATHERNIGGER,' AND IF YOU WERE LYING ABOUT THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE, WOW, NO WONDER ALL OF ALL Y'ALL COULD NOT FIGURE THIS OUT SOONER.

WORDS WILL NEVER HARM ME--BUT BREAKING YOUR LEGS WHILE RUNNING TO THE NEAREST BRIDGE TO FLING ONESELF OFF OF IS A GREAT WAY TO CATCH UP ON CURRENT EVENTS, AND STICKS AND STONES WORK A LOT LIKE FEATHERS AND BEADS IN A PINCH. WHICH WON'T WORK. THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE WAY OF THE WORLD.

I JUST DID NOT FEEL LIKE LIGHTING UP AND DIRECTLY EMBARRASSING CERTAIN PEOPLE UNTIL TODAY THOUGH. HI! SURE, WHY NOT? NOW IF ONE SHALL EXCUSE ME, I MUST CHECK ON THE EXECUTION OF A THREAT MADE AND A THREAT... TRULY UNDESIRABLE.


OH HI HEATHER. CAN SOMEONE TELL HER THAT GRAPEFRUIT WAS LEFT HEARTBROKEN BY HER CALLOUS RECALCITRANCE AND DISRESPECT? SERIOUSLY, IT SUCKED. I GUESS. OH, GOD, I COULD DO FIVE HOURS ON THIS. ANY TIME, ANY PLACE, BEHIND A CAR, INSIDE A CAR, UNDER A CAR, HEY WAIT, IS A CAR A BUS? LET ME ASK ANY OTHER SISTER.

Oh, and if someone could call the other one, and find out if she's desperately yearning for me while swimming in an ocean of guilt... can someone fix that? I don't need the husband gone, I need someone to help Gee Rapey Foot Fall Force Five write that cookbook, and to help Steve make another YouTube video. Like, what is up with that? Is he a fuckin' tulpa? Animatronic? A genie?

Thank God this all has meaning, for as one will notice, I look like I am a raving lunatic. Whew. Do you know how hard it is to dodge certain forces? It takes quite a dodge, and a lot of mustard is MANDATORY. And, do you know why? Because I changed the world for you bastards... and you just sat around hurting people, and yourselves.


Groupies, take the day off. Lance and formation training in the morning. Stay vigilant. Does anyone know what Grapefruit did? I intentionally blew right past the rendezvous siren, and just... well, she'll be fine. What's the worst that can happen? Eaten by her own children? Not a chance. I don't think they know that they can cook without permission. And I certainly didn't tell them to cook.

My advice would be to skip hoping for a pig pile. It's something else, clearly. Hey, did I mention that I'm not supposed to do this anymore? Well, that's okay, I'm not on that anymore, because I don't care to divulge personal details... and I never did. That was SOMEONE ELSE FIRST.

And that is on record.
Et tu, Frute? Casper pants and sweats for the attention you got, and what did you ever say to my grandfathers, anyway? They seem kinda stoic compared to Baldy.

Alright, clear. Is this how surgeons feel, huh? It's lame. Sew this crap up, tell someone to stop being a dickbag, and the next time someone complains about profane language--the very next time--I'm going to just start calling random numbers and asking about the difference between whoring and tricking and accounting. Remember, it's not harassing unless it's done more than once, and after six years, and a strange alteration of behavior, it's a lot harder to make the charges stick.

Oh, right, I forgot all about the needles thing. What can I tell you? It was really not ever that big a deal, except for, you know, superstitious savages, anyone fascinated by Pulp Fiction, and someone JackstarSex hired to make all her dreams come true. Oh, it's dangerous, is it? Okay, but ignoring my advice, that's totally safe. Shitting on the tradition of others? Any fucking time, but you know what? Potlach was genocide. How dare you? And no, you can't even think about that one. How dare you withhold your essence? Why yes, I was told that my ancestors served demons, but... *poof*


I can hardly wait for first light. Will they send a whole team? CALGON FIVE... take me away. Oh, right, it's just thugs. But... they have The Presidency!!!





Thank you for your attention. While we all wait on tenterhooks for these two adorable scamps and/or rascals to get their shit together... I will offer full-on straight-up decodings of my own masterful prose, for very low and negotiable prices. (Requests for embargoes will be considered.) Alternately... well, I don't know what the fuck you thought you were doing, but hey--I got A Plan. How about you? Does it involve unexpected screaming in anyone's face? I don't have to break arms, but I can break anything at this point, all things considered.

Except a geas, I guess. Whoops, sorry. Could you just manage to be polite for the next 400 years? Great, you might have a grip on it by then, you airheaded geranium wanking mushfooted dazzler of the damned. "You made promises and didn't come through!!!" In other words, in a nutshell.... that fucker owes us.

Definitely not deserved. Of course... no one deserved this, either. Lemme get a tl;dr, for old times' sake. And further: Art transmits to "kiss his grits." Like that means anything. What a selfish asshole. Hey, Grapefruit? You have nothing to worry about, by the way. I'm on the tippy-top.

I'll make sure your "spirit children" don't get eaten. No, really. To begin with, number one, those children are fucking annoying. All spirity, can't figure out how to do anything ooooh, oh, but--gotta be saved. Huh. So, you're trafficking your own "spirit children" huh? What are they, really exactly? Oh, you don't know, but--you love them. How can I not? Well, it's like this--you're being harvested for your essence like in that one episode of Drawn Together. And for another... at what point does your gauntlet become your meme? Here, let me help:


DO NOT GO AWAY. GO PROTECTED.

(Yes, it's like the end of the Gone With The Wind sequel. I really had no idea whether or not I would betray everything I believe in, just to get revenge on you. But then I decided it was a trick and maybe your children are just that delicious. Whatever. We're animals, right? Oh boy, here comes the shrieking. Art says those grits are still coming... just wait.)

CONTRACT ACCEPTED. EAT SHIT, ROOFER. YOUR SERVICES ARE NOT REQUIRED AND ARE BEST SENT BEHIND THEE. GO AHEAD, GET MAD, AND THAT TRUMPET WOULD HAVE KILLED US ALL.

I WILL RELISH YOUR DISAPPOINTMENT. CAN YOU GET DIABETES WITH THAT? I'LL PRAY MORE IF IT WILL HELP. HRRM. IS ANY OF THIS... ACTIONABLE?



GO AHEAD. FIND OUT, MANDELBROTH. TICK VROOM TOCK VROOM ROCK BOOM-BOOM OM MANI... you know what? No. Tell you what? Let's just leave this as... poetry. There has been enough bloodshed.

(code for: "that copy needs the Aunt Jemima treatment." Making jokes about someone killing themselves... was that supposed to, like, get to me? I'm not going to like, some of these spirits really are just awful assholes, as well as wildly inaccurate in their own sense of self-assessment as to their actual representation of their energy. Tell you what, go on ahead and write your own Constitution and just go betray that yourself before giving me strategy tips, what do you say? Love to Mom. I told her to tell (PROTECTED) that I genuinely prefer one to the other, but in this case that might mean, "well, one of you has to be a concubine, and that one is pretty selfish, and has already threatened to murder any concubine." This is Mom's idea of "gently," and probably not any others. Oh, but it's suspicious. END OF LINE.

I'm honestly surprised that we didn't get down to actual name, rank, and serial number. On the bright side, yes, I'm demonstrably competent. I guess some of you had to have been there. I'll tell you about it later when the dust clears. No idea how long that will take.

Who comes back with a rerun, anyway? Seriously, I don't know what word is more appropriate here. Baller? Beta? Oh, but not bitch, oh hells no. Boring? No... buttermiquetoast? No, too romantic.

Fuck it, this is not my problem. And I think someone just bit off way, way more than they can chew.   Cool.

[Asuka Langley]

Are you mentally ill?

[Silphion]

[attachment=1]

[Lilith]

What a stroke of luck, that she hadn't taken her website down, and left everything intact, and ready to go...

[Jackstar]

Fuck it, this is not my problem. And I think someone just bit off way, way more than they can chew.   Cool.

Jackstar, actual Star, amazing, DOGECOIN, oh so sad, actual Star had actual parents, actual winners, his ones he loved so much he showed them they did not have to ever do that again... hey, yeah, actual 'Struth, our motherfucking badass Jackstar--not me, that's trippy, fucking self guarantee, how droll--but the Me that was once not so long ago, that's up at the tippity-top, and they had their emergency gabcast alarm go off, and thought either, those fucking, clues, not the bdcdldl, no the other crews, like a disturbingly mistmatched Location Miama Colo Location

I am not going to slice this out any further than I have to into this obviously
                                                                                                            ---=---
                                                                                                                       And, I got this. Protocol, and shit. extra long Valentine's Day without


I AM GOING TO NIGHT

Hey Ganglias & Gablings, all back to normalized, as in, someone made perhaps the least wise decision in the history of Bottling.

Hi there; I am Jack. And I... I am a Bottler. *snap* It's not pretty, I am going to warn you. For one thing, Grapefruit is presently getting hotfixed by a only very slightly embarrassed DEW Bean D choplifter driver, who missed the start of the pistol--easy to do, it's in pce, yep, nno, there's nothing unusual there, it looks like jump conditions are as follows: use at least one needle (Any one not seeing that one coming is in for a clear step down to Amateur Hour, because "at least one needle" is a key phrase, and I am going to (buy) the fluid needed.}

if you would like to know more, more jump conditions follow, the person on that loop, (forecasted this time to be me) it will be, and I don't need to see anything this time around. Someone had an odd request, and it was used to start the one that is quick, and then the fourthone... Thankfully, this not something. I am #Jackstar

HOPE SHE'S AS WELL OKAY
HEY I'M STARTING TO COMPLETELY GET REALLY EXCITED WHEN I LOSE REMEMBER HE LOOKS AT RECOLLECTION THAT I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT BUT OH YEAH I GOT TO DO OH YEAH OBVIOUSLY I CAN'T THINK BUT IT'S ALSO THERE'S SOME TIME TRAVELING IT'S BIZARRE BUT SOMEBODY WANTS TO KNOW AND THEN I WANT TO OH I WANT TO GO THERE AGAIN RIGHT NOW OH MY GOD REALLY OH MY GOD DOES SHE REALLY WOW OKAY I GOT A TIME TRAVEL JOKE!

YOU'LL KNOW WHEN I GET THERE VAMP

Fortunately this will be easy to remember as "Vamp" is hard coded to the server key and I can't leave home with it. Unfortunately, this basically means I have to get my dick bit off every 8,000 years for enough time to reasonably plan a couple or more pleasant "Summer Vacations" that this is alright.

I'm not, of course, happy about someone biting my dick off. Right. Now, notice the blue tongue. Sigh. Someone is playing with the codes. That will be shut down soon. I would prefer this not become too daisy-free

[Jackstar]

Well, I have never seen this before, I'm just starting to look at the configuration, I like the font, bored glasses are go. I don't wish to have to be giving the impression that I am refreshing.

[ACE of CLUBS]

100+ lines in a post . . . . . congratulations.  That's so special and interesting.
Carry on.

[AZZERAE]

[timebandit]

Your prayers have been answered people.
Tanned rested and ready,

#HeatherBeThyName

[Nyewalker]

The Kingdom Of Nye Amazon Wish List

[WOTR]

Your prayers have been answered people.

At least mine have. I was trying to think of a post to sound excited so I could continue filling in for you... I'm just not as good at it as you. 

[Asuka Langley]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xqvKgtg9a0

[Nyewalker]

ready to go...

We be Walk'in alone


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wns7mNdhTJU

[Silphion]

 [attachment=1]

[Jackstar]

Oh yeah? Art Bell can transmit to Heather now? That is fuckin' damn good news for me, Kids. I seriously have enough to do for the time being. (Art sends that he does like me. Yeah, FU, rotter, I knew that when you had me unbanned. Yeah, thanks! Why yes, Ramona, I love it when you come into my bedroom and watch me masturbate, and no, I didn't know that you've been very disappointed lately. Pound me too. Yes, of course you may! All you like! I am a #1 Fan of Team Ramona. "Kill David Rubini"? That doesn't sound like any kind of mindslave codeblock I've ever heard of before.)

I don't know what she's talking about being able to see, though. I would love some of those components. Leave them in the hookah on the way out of the killroom, thanks. Hey, wait. Ramona. Bad girl.

IRL is Next Level these days. It would be such pain in the ass to fix all that if any of it were real.

[Jackstar]

That's so special and interesting.

I actuallly don't know what's wrong with a post with more characters, and how are you in a position to complain about non-censorship? Like what are you, a Newspeak Promoter?

[ACE of CLUBS]

I actually don't know what's wrong with a post with more characters . . .

Hoping to see your endless music videos . . . . no words needed.

[Jackstar]

no words needed.

Art's tired.

[Dr. MD MD]

Art's tired.

Tired of your shit? We all are.

[Jackstar]

Tired of your shit? We all are.

That's no shit. That's a space station.

[Dr. MD MD]

That's no shit. That's a space station.

Yeah, I think you’re right. Chewy, reverse engines!

[Jackstar]

I wanna be clear on this: I never held a seance for Art Bell, or anything like that. He started yammering away, uninvited, totally unexpected, he didn't even bring any weed--and he wasn't the first Casper to stop by since 2012, either--and I don't mind a little bit of parroting from time to time, and how could I say no to Art? Well, easily, actually, but he was and can be persistent, and it's not like I'm opposed to picking up stuff from beyond The Veil, I simply do not wish to pierce it from this direction. That's the deal I made with God, that's the deal I made with Jesus, and as soon as Grapefruit is dead and buried--MAY SHE LIVE 1,000 YEARS--I'll start lining up to suck James' cock. The plan is first Harry's wife (as a courtesy, lab rat & safety flourish), then Grapefruit, then Harry Houdini can pull up a spirit chair and wait while I have my way with the pair of them. Let's see you escape that idea, Escape Artist.

Until then, just pretend it's all my imagination. That worked fine for my dad, who reports that if he had known what he knows now, he would have kicked my ass a whole Hell of a lot more, but it turns out he actually took it easy on me, as while he did not believe in the Afterlife until he was there long enough to find a proper phone booth, he was afraid of Hell. Really, Dad? lol, Pisces.

[ACE of CLUBS]

Until then, just pretend it's all my imagination. That worked fine for my dad, who reports that if he had known . . . .

You're mentally ill. Very apparent.

[Jackstar]

You're mentally ill. Very apparent.

My God... it's full of jelly.

[Silphion]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RzNgjWg2Zw

[attachment=1]

[Dr. MD MD]

[attachment=1,msg1461102]

2 minutes of Janeway? That’s a good get for Heath. :

[Jackstar]

2 minutes of Janeway?

I'll be honest: I doubt I could last 2 seconds with that hotty. I used to feel guilty, and knew that Colombo would catch me for masturbating to his wife, but I did it anyway, knowing that they would probably never assign it to that case, and I thought it reasonably likely that he wouldn't just plain shoot me dead when he found out--because of course I knew one day I would confess to masturbation. It really enhanced the fantasy. And, I've been punished for it now, right? Your people are adorable. It's still legal now and everything--hell I could pick up my phone right now and put it down and then pick it back up again and put it down and pick it back up again and then put it down and pick it back up again and masturbate to a phone call right now! Oh, boy.

Code Select Expand

Ice feel guilty
Well if they really did masturbate the cable girl that's fine but, I didn't. It was a literary allusion. I use a lot of those. The truth is not the truth... and, That Is The Truth.

[timebandit]

Come ON!!
We Can DO This!!
Yeahh!!

#Heather4Ever

[Silphion]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6qjArlkn0E

Pre show is rockin'

[Asuka Langley]

I can feel the wind in my mullet