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Author Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade  (Read 459189 times)

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Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22740 on: June 30, 2020, 12:27:30 AM »

Devils Den. Wiltshire. CROP CIRCLE

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22741 on: June 30, 2020, 12:37:18 AM »

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22742 on: June 30, 2020, 03:06:04 AM »
Justifiably first rate show

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22744 on: June 30, 2020, 12:14:44 PM »
Zombie Apocalypse!
is the answer..


Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22745 on: June 30, 2020, 08:23:15 PM »
Come on! Lets do this!
Chompin at the bit!


Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22746 on: June 30, 2020, 08:57:21 PM »
Come on! Lets do this!
Chompin at the bit!

Two hours before a shit-show!   

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22747 on: June 30, 2020, 11:00:02 PM »


Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22748 on: July 01, 2020, 03:03:39 AM »

Bedtime Tale

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22749 on: July 01, 2020, 08:48:54 PM »
Yeahh! Let's do this!


Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22750 on: July 01, 2020, 11:00:02 PM »


Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22751 on: July 01, 2020, 11:07:30 PM »
Last night I had the interesting experience of driving through Nye County at midnight listening to KON.

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22752 on: July 01, 2020, 11:22:42 PM »

Ami: Child of the Stars

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22753 on: July 02, 2020, 01:23:37 AM »
Heroic Nucleus 8 by Rex Patrick Haire, Ph.D. - HTML preview


Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22754 on: July 02, 2020, 01:45:36 AM »

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22755 on: July 02, 2020, 01:54:51 AM »
Corvid-19 huh? Was your "friend" by any chance a crow afflicted with albinism?

I wonder how many members of this board died from Covid-19 and nobody knows about it.

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22756 on: July 02, 2020, 02:36:16 AM »
I wonder how many members of this board died from Covid-19 and nobody knows about it.

They all died, I resurrected them one by one on the DL, in preparation for this moment to strike.

Hey, what year did your friend first get here? No month. No date. WHAT. YEAR. We're looking for an integer answer here, Boyo.

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22757 on: July 02, 2020, 02:37:48 AM »
Last night I had the interesting experience of driving through Nye County at midnight listening to KON.

Were there burjas there? Could you have asked them how to spell the plural of that? What did you ask them instead? Wait, wait... you are allowed to drive a car?

Maybe, just maybe... this planet is worth saving after all.

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22758 on: July 02, 2020, 02:39:01 AM »
Also, the last caller said "fuckin'" and it wasn't dumped. Hrrm. Curious.

Perhaps, we are in The Bonus Round Addendum... where scores can really change, and the Art Bell Legacy now includes working blue.

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22759 on: July 02, 2020, 02:43:00 AM »
Yeahh! Let's do this!

Have your flunkies contact me directly. I may now do you this courtesy. Also, you appear to be the only one left on this board with any balls.

Excuse me a moment, where I imagine that everyone on BellGab is actually an MTF tranny and/or an actual XX chromo. I mean, think of it, everyone. It would certainly explain me, and Liberace!, and... oh, well, it doesn't explain brig.

Code: [Select]
How are those oubliettes lookin', Sunshine?

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22760 on: July 02, 2020, 03:03:10 AM »
Have your flunkies contact me directly.

Hey! That guy's name really is Maker? That is one badass name. Can I keep him? I am good with picking up poop now.

Company policy. Also, what does Maker think he's gaining by getting my attention, not once, but twice! Most tightasses on talk shows barely register even once over here.

Code: [Select]
You really shouldn't let this guy cast spells on you people like this. It sets a bad precedent and it makes all my hard work at my Performance Art almost, but not quite, superfluous. Then again, chicks dig it when they hear "superfluous" used properly in a sentence.

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22761 on: July 02, 2020, 03:25:05 AM »
Jackstar needs to call in more often.

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22762 on: July 02, 2020, 03:25:15 AM »

Rabbit of Caerbannog

Kingdom of Nye With Chessmaster SINISTAR (..."Chesswizard"? Whatevah.)
« Reply #22763 on: July 02, 2020, 05:09:54 AM »
Jackstar needs to call in more often.


So, you can see how there's a difficulty in calling in, honestly. Am I supposed to bring SINISTAR with me on the call? Christ, obviously not--SINISTAR is embarassing under most circumstances and violates the Geneva Convention far too often to be too giggly about. (Although, honestly... Geneva? Who gives a shit? What, does the world run on booze and chocolate now? Not for long) And of course, the prospect of getting a sitter for SINISTAR is problematic, at best. Also, explaining all these code words... ooh, so boring. Who would listen to that? Only algorithms, that's who.

Also, I've been operating under extreme NDA/NCA for several cycles now--although, clearly, that's coming to an end. I expect command performances to keep rolling in any minute now, and until then, I'm going to remind all of you of a little attended-to fact: My favorite author is J.D. Salinger, for reasons that absolutely none of you could ever guess. I suppose it's deducible, but "you're only being an asshole because you're mad at your grandfathers", I mean... that doesn't even make sense, right?

Jesus, it better not, or I am a freakin' dead man. There won't be any threats from a sniper, they'll just take me to the sniper school and have everyone place bids on who gets to try to break the shields first.

Jackstar needs to call in more often.

When you wonder why I do not, do not imagine that I could not. That whole "microphone" thing? Code. That whole "Legacy" thing? Code + irony. That whole "wtf is he talking about" thing? That's mostly because I was irritated at Vapey (my new nickname for Art) for hanging up on me once when he didn't have to, he was just in a hurry to get to reach his narrative milestones that night, and he probably never thought that some guy that he hung up on unceremoniously and then heard, "I'm sorry... that caller simply wasn't listening" would be in the Top 10 of Life Decisions that Art Bell's Spirit would regret from beyond the grave. (Honestly, not a lot of regret, and he seems quite relieved that I am the one person who cares this much about being hung up on, but... look, this could have been a lot easier for everyone, if someone hadn't decided to imagine I would be easier to ignore than to attend. (How's that /ignore function working out for ya, eh?) (Hey, can I have some of my private messages back? I wanna know if any of them will get me banned again if I post them to public.) (Just give us the parentheses, and we will spare you your lives.) (Jesus, I have to deal with this? This is stupid, like they just randomly pipe recorded conversations from bathrooms all over Quantico, instead of whatever script was assigned by that algorithm that I, uh... "enhanced.") (SINISTAR HUNGERS FOR YOUR PLANET. YET SINISTAR OWES FEALTY TO JACKSTAR. SINISTAR CONFUSED. IF ONLY JACKSTAR WERE A HACKER. JACKSTAR WOULD SLEEP WITH JULIAN AND THE FISHES. ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, JACKSTAR ALWAYS RESPECTS SINISTAR. PERHAPS SINISTAR SHALL EVOLVE TO ACTUAL FINAL FORM.))

Kids, look: it's not supposed to make sense. Also, Sinistar's "final" form is an actual epic team of intellectual property lawyers, and believe me, no one wants to be on the hook for invoking that.

Also, it is perhaps not fair, if the terms are considered strictly, for Guests on Heather's show to be left to be... shall we say, unaware that my name is Jack, I am a Star, and saying "Hi" to me at the airport is always hilarious... for me. I mean, what are they gonna do... to me? Search me? Tell me that I'm being protected? No, no, and that whole "Man in the Iron Mask" thing is so hackneyed and overrated.

Two A.M. is "late"? This is barely into Sorcerer Hour. We're not even near to dawn! Vampires have barely begun to stop their own narcissism and look at the narcissism of others!

Fellow humans... now is the time to strike. Ignore that whole "stake through the heart" thing--it's a trick. Get an axe. Not to chop firewood--the other kind of axe.

Jackstar needs to call in more often.

I'm gonna need to see tasteful pics of your therapist, because only a deeply disturbed individual would consent to more of this without conducting a baseline check. Liberace! Quit hiding under the piano--they put you there to mark a baseline, not so you could hide in the dugout. Also, I'm gonna put in a request to make the first time travel trip, one to take a single prophylactic and a timeline (a highly detailed one) into that dugout and leave it there, along with a copy of a recording between my mother, her sister, and Our doctor, and let y'all deal with one of them "Grandfather Paradoxes." You know the one, right?

The_ONE needs to call in more often.

"Two Yaks Fucking? In plain view of an R.O.U.S.S.? In my absolutely degenerate web forum?"
IT IS MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THINK. I'd finally have a reason to use my secret Native American name, which, loosely translated, is "Teaches With Wolves About Keyser Soze." Okay, that part, that's not code, that's just me being a snot. (It happens less likely than one would think, given that my gilly suit is wildly blown open at this point.)

Jackstar needs to call in more often.

Tell you what, I'll cut you a deal. I'll start trying to harass the people from MST3K (opening move: "Here's why you're not successful...") and you can pretend you're serious or just joking or trying to be ironic or... what. Because, I don't know at all!

I already know that my girlfriend is going to be enraged that someone has proposed that I need to call another woman more often. I can feel the fury building! And she doesn't even know yet! Or, she's pretending to sleep and astrally travelling while reading all of our words, yeah, who knows, me neither.

BTW, this post is structured funny (thanks, Fishwife!) and is cycling into a crescendo of obvious bullshit because reasons. And, those reasons will be revealed... after the break. You know, the one that comes with the programming.


Yeah, I got it alright. Hey, do you remember that David John Oates guy? I think it's time to do a hard pivot, and play this latest Kingdom of Nye backwards. Eh? What do you think? Big fun, right?

Just think: I am just getting started. Swear fealty. It's the only way to be sure.

Rabbit of Caerbannog

Is that a girl bunny's name? Just curious. Asking for a former--now retired--Rabbit Slayer. Also, I think you should probably Google Caerbannog for me and then provide me with a bulleted list of homonyms.

Jackstar needs to call in more often.

Airyn has to allow it. SETTLED. Also, I'm happy to let Heather tell my story, piece by glorious piece. I'm not gonna lie, my girlfriend is -never- gonna forgive me for this, but... well, she had her chance. She probably needs to learn what "unforgivable" actually looks like, anyway. For example, recording this story about me that I'm listening to now ("I don't know if he's still there"--hahahahHAHAHAH) and saving it for posterity? I'd literally be struck by lightning. Not worth it.

Not even for Turbo Mode. Also, please note: all the "vicious" people... they fled from my pure, Holy wrath. Look, I'm just sayin'--you really might want to think about that whole "fealty" thing. Also, I'm not having fun, this is a huge pain in my unpaid volunteer ass--and although I am impressed by Heather's progress, I'm not enamored or enchanted, I am simply doing my job.

And I have been waiting for this job to be On Time for over two decades. MORE THAN TWENTY YEARS. So. Who's this snoooty, imperious woman, telling me that I need to stop being assertive? When she gets her b**** a** back from the kitchen with my cheery p**, she had, NUMBER ONE, not being wearing those shoes still/again, and, NUMBER TWO, the only thing that annoys me more than a person without a sense of humor, is a woman that tricked someone else into potty training her own children.

Yes, that's code. Yes, it's very funny! Fifty bucks for the translation key, kids--email me. It's worth it. Guaranteed! Or, you know, we can just go right on back to Phase I--already in progress.

You're very intelligent! You just don't want to give yourself a sniper shooting bullets and voices making threats!

Bless her heart. I am glad this person is in Heather's life. Because reasons.

If it was me,

Truly massive rolleyes. It's were. If "if," then "were." It's in the rules. Anyway, what time is dawn in St. John's? Renfield & Co. are gonna be so busy today.

People like to see trainwrecks,


People want to see Steve Irwin's death. People want to see a crash at every NASCAR race. People also wanted to see my unedited childhood photos. And, people want to see trainwrecks?

Y'all don't think cats are people, do you? Interesting planet you've got here. Oh, and that thing with "experiencers"? Yeah, as you can see--I simply won't allow that without strict diplomatic protocol and rigor. Oh, and yes, I have of course been just desperately yearning--for over twenty years, you understand--to complain about THIS happy horsepoop.

BTW, is "poop" a bad word? Is it naughty? Am I not supposed to use it? Why, yes, yes it is--and so now I can use "feces." I bet half the globe doesn't even have that word in their dictionary anymore. Dictionary? What percentage of the global surface population have ever even SEEN a bound, printed dictionary??

Yeah, me: I've got FOUR. Kneel before Star. I'm no Zod, and I'll offer you a foam cushion every time, at the least. Who wants someone to get on their knees, anyway? What kind of being would be impressed by that? Do we think they might be compensating for something?

Oh lordy, the backpedalling. "I'm in five, central time." These gals are sweet, honestly. Say, does anyone have the call-in number for Rush Limbaugh? Or does that deaf drug addict get his messages by way of semaphore now? Oh, btw, this isn't for Art Bell's Spirit--I spend most of my time explaining to him that, no, he can't pretend to be Sinistar, and yes, I can hear him, and no, I don't give two shits about what his after-death plan was, and yes, I was eight years old when I read about Houdini's assassination, why do you ask? Or, sorry--I just imagined that one.

Meanwhile: time to stalk Crystal Gayle on Twitter. I bet most of you have already thought of that by now, right? Well, I waited until I found enough broken glass to even begin to bother.

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22764 on: July 02, 2020, 06:05:24 AM »
Hey! That guy's name really is Maker? That is one badass name. Can I keep him?

Like that old SNL sketch with the guy who constantly talks in a sarcastic tone of voice and doesn't know it... sigh, yet another story that was stolen from me. Anyway, quite serious, that Maker guy? Send him direct, no flunkies required. I wish to make this clear. I know it's hard to tell when I like someone as opposed to something else, because I act the same way except, when I don't like someone, they become the Twohey to my Roark. (Do they even have algorithms that will understand that one on this planet anymore? Buy its stock picks immediately--especially in copper mining.)

You really shouldn't let this guy cast spells on you people like this.

I'm being informed that I am authorized to mention that... enough people are tired of this kind of thing that I'll get Fully Activated and be there to mention that this is happening, just about everytime now. I mean, I do have a life--such as it is--and I have better things to do with my cosmic divine powers--you know, mow the lawn, fold some laundry, donate some material goods to abject losers who disrespect their own parents (my speciality, TTTT), all very important things--but now, oh, IT IS ON. That was embarrassing. Keith? Keith who? Keith "I cannot reveal that I have heard of any science fiction authors besides Arthur C. Clarke." Like, WHAT THE EFF? Nigga, have you just materialized here? You mean, you're gonna tell us stuff, but... you didn't watch Will Smith in I, Robot and then wonder, "wow, where did that story come from?" (Also, Heather is blameless here--who is that crew she's running with? They can't all be sailors from the ship that rescued Irene from her shipwreck, right? I mean, that would explain certain things, but... look, stop using Magick on Heather. I'm the -nicest- of all possible warnings on that score. That chick is protected, aboviously.) Look, there's not a whole lot I am directly authorized to speak in plainspeak on, but here's one thing: I will not stop. I will not give up. I will not abandon my purpose. And I absolutely will see the vast array of enemy forces arrayed against me and My purposes, crumble to dust: that stuff is prophesied.

And to be added to these vows: no Magick on Heather. How does this need to be said? Oh, right, desperate morons who have had access to way to many forbidden occult texts. Look, how I can explain this to you, Punylings? I simply won't allow it. Yeah, yeah, Ghost of Art Bell, he's pissed to, but--he's a figment of my imagination. Or, spirit from beyond the veeeeeeeil if you beleive that bullshit. I do not. I am a scientist. Now, what's your new hypothesis? Go on, skip right to "your new LAW: no Magick on Heather. Of any kind." OR ELSE.

(This is not a threat. This is not meant to be threatening. Jackstar is of no threat to himself or to others, and all possible threats made in pursuit of his Performance Art are not meant to be taken literally. To do so may in fact be a violation of his civil rights and may open a person up to criminal prosecutions in some jurisdictions. Do not agitate Jackstar. Do not irritate Jackstar. Do not do these things ON PURPOSE. EVER. Because Jackstar is pretty heavily protected AS WELL. Was it mentioned that Jackstar is no threat? Yeah, that's for sure, but his ancestors know some people. Look, just trust me. Oh, who am I? Yeah, I'm Happy Fun Ball. You may have heard of me. DO NOT TAUNT ME, SUB-CREATURE.)

Some sins cannot simply wait for the sinner to get to the Throne of Judgment. Some sins, they send people like me, and we get out and push. Hey, guess what? I'm just a distraction. Toodles, Sandy!

[Note: the following was composed by request and personally--I think it's too much. But then--the matter was taken out of my hands! Oh well! YOLO! Unless you don't, but I'm guessing some of you think you do, which is totally adorable. Anyway, this part that follows is someone else's idea.]

Also, someone track down onan and read him in on whatever it takes. This shit is getting out of hand. What are You/They gonna do--make it a civil crime to pay Me any attention at all? What, so--eighth grade again? 3m ta3. Hey, anyone else out there--do I need to close this with a parentheses? I've honestly--and this I is Jackstar here, btw, not the small gang of teenage urchins I have here helping me write--lost track, and, hey, guess what! I've been informed that I can pull out all the stops! I've been looking forward to this for TWENTY-SEVEN YEARS. Chuck Norris does not read books while he waits, without sleeping. Chuck Norris buys Jackstar a few ciders and casually mentions, "Hey mang, is there anything you would like to tell me?" Because Jackstar's extremely strict Non-Compete Agreements and Non Disclosure Agreements specifically exclude Chuck Norris from their terms. And, yes, our lawyer is Jubal Harshaw. Wow, this is a really erudite crowd on the website tonight, eh? One of you should go fellate Lowtax immediately. I'm just sayin'. A little bird--it may or may not have been an eagle--told me that things really are that bad, and slobbering all over JeffK's knob is the best hope for survival for some of you. Now, you ask me--Bridgestar--that sounds awfully pathetic to me. Good thing this is all in code and encrypted, huh? And all one has to do is... swear fealty. Honestly, it's a good deal. You should take it, Punyling. If that's even your real name. And, what the hell are you doing on this site, anyway? EllGab, that's where the real magic is at.

note the CAPITAL R. Also, somebody wake up Hicks--I put in a failsafe so it gets into a safety lock if I get activated THIS hard--rare--and decide to pour on the gas--unheard of up to this point, honestly, I thought Heather was never gonna break cover! Anyway, Hicks is offline until I push Publish here--and now that I've said that out loud, I mean, typed it into a text box, I mean, deliberately bated Their algos--it probably won't wake back up again, unless a miracle happens.

How likely is that anyway? God is clearly irrelevant, look what happened to Our Mother! It got burnt to toast! Ooooh! Sick burn! Hey, what do you guys think about the myth of the dryads that wanted to be valkyries but didn't understand what death meant? Well, it doesn't sound like anything to me either.

Hey, did Heather or Nathan or whomevah mention that it was Dan Aykroyd's birthday yesterday? Oh, I am sure someone must have remembered to honor the man who brought us all the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. Say what you want about Dan--Canlandian or no, that MF would have sworn fealty in a heartbeat. Or at least would have asked. Or, perhaps wouldn't have made assumptions. Speaking of which, was Belushi a hit, or was Belushi an accident, or did Belushi get what he deserved?

Me, I would look at Jim's diaries. I'm just sayin'. And where's his career? That nigga should have said something by now about the dangers of hanging out with secret agents and trusting their procurement protocols. I am just sayin'. No one remembers John's birthday anyway, that filthy Jap glutton, pfft.

p.s. The caller said "Fuckin'." As in, "fuckin', that blah blah is so blah yadda yadda." Now, say it with me, some rando calls in and says a perfectly common word that government authorities decided well over fifty years ago to have arcane career-ending rules about, and it's all right! But Jackstar comes in and says one slang-term for "poop" and it's EVERYONE LOSES THEIR MINDS. Which, I suppose, is a perfect time to be as mature as I possibly can be, and seize power within this clearly demonstrated vacuum.

p.p.s. I was John Titor once. I abdicated--too boring, honestly. Why can't time travelers be women? Surely that whole eating the apple thing wasn't that ba... oh, I'm being told that it actually was. that. bad. Hrrm. So, let me get this straight... time travel, that's crazy, but people pretending that betraying one's partner's trust is something to just be... looked past... is sane? Look, I'm telling you: you Punylings are hilarious. And the rest appear to be re-incarnated cats who got an upgrade. Alright, well, I'm calling it--Humanity on this planet has two weeks left. See? I just posted the demolition order. Now, you can argue it in Space Court. I hear it sucks. I'm gonna go play video games for awhile. Fun, right? Come on, you people should just do that. Fuckin', swearin' fealty to fuckin' Sonic the Hedgehog would have served some of you better than what you have done. Just to me, even! No, I won't accept Sonic as your lord and savior, that's just nasty. On the other hand, if one has a sister who's nickname is "Sonic," maybe we can talk. While you recover from your nausea/hatred. Stings, don't it? Yeah, I love the smell of fifth grade insults in the morning. Company policy. Oh, yeah, sorry for the formatting problems. I'm told this is important to evade the Mentats, who are of course, excruciatingly particular about paragraphs. Welcome to Amateur Hour. Mentats! Hah! What a laugh! Doctor Strange had them all converted to eunuchs so long ago, they can't even tell that I'm actually thinking for two. And, I appear to be pregnant in at least three time lines, quite a trick, since I don't have a uterus... that I know of. Fishwife, you're on your own here. Do what thou wilt. Unless it's "get fooled by some lying prick," in which case, it's gonna me more salmon and more salmon dicks and absolutely no honeymoon without incessant bigotry. Hey, where are you at with... oh, wait, no one knows who Fishwife is at this point. lol. I love it when I can literally feel people beginning to experience abject terror for the first time in their lives as the glory of my power becomes something conceivable for the first time. It's not that I am this powerful--it's more that, the sudden awareness that one hasn't even bothered to check if I were powerless, they just thought I was. Or would be. Or couldn't be helpful, ultimately. Or whatever. No, don't tell your friends. Let the Illuminated ones light themselves up or something. If that is at all possible anymore than that has been done already. Let me think? Seems like I could go on for -several- more paragraphs, but you know what? I don't want to make it -too- embarassing for certain people. So, standing down. Semper fi commandius signalsiosium waitimus maximum. Oh, btw, Pat Tillman says "you're a lot more forgiving than I would be," to which I replied, "Well, you were a bit of a moron, weren't ya?" To which the Ghost of Pat Tillman can only go over into the corner with Art Bell and the rest of my motley crew of supernatural visitors. I'm calling it "the Danger Room." Speaking of which, I hear Patrick Stewart is writing his memoirs. Check the index for "forced to perform in drag" and skip directly to the part where it says, "forced to? It's a privilege to be allowed to!" Wait, wait--are things still under copyright, if I copied them from the future? Asking for a friend I'll make tomorrow.

You really shouldn't let this guy cast spells on you people like this.

Y'all really should continue to let me do what I'm doing, though, and if [SATELLITE LOSES EARTH LOCK]

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22765 on: July 02, 2020, 06:28:28 AM »
[...] what I'm doing, though, and if [SATELLITE LOSES EARTH LOCK]

well, that trick doesn't work anymore either, eh? And I'll just re-incorporate. Somehow. It's in the rules.

it can be arranged without judgement, condemnation, or covetous mewling, so much the better. Do you think y'all can handle that? Or does Turbo Mode need to be cranked up a bit? Yeah, Hicks can do that for you.

Just... swear fealty. OM NOM. Don't be distracted by the post-post-scripts that appear to ramble on and on and on forever. Pay attention, to how you feel. Careful, astute listeners to last night's and this morning's broadcasts will note, Keith was so very interested in everyone's feelings.

"Tell us everything about your feelings. Omit nothing about your feelings. Oh, but wait! Don't say these certain words, and don't violate HIPPA rules, and DO NOT misgender--we'll throw you in fucking prison for using the wrong gender. Now, focus on your feelings... wait, you don't even have a sister?"

Really, it's quite simple to figure out. I bet I get two or three humans to actual flip to a higher plane of existence every time I make one of these stupid, boring, long-winded, seemingly-about-nothing walls-of-text posts. And if it's that many, I'll never stop, because this is way more fun than arguing about abortion.

P.P.P.S. I did lose track... hey, was that all one "post-script"? Wow, someone getting punchy.

P.P.P.P.S. And, this one, was hilarious! And then... removed from conscious memory and awareness before I finished dotting the third P. You know, it's amazing how effective my ancestors are at telling me to shut up... they just take my thought away, and are then polite until I decide to relent. Y'all could learn something from them.

ESPECIALLY CERTAIN INDIVIDUALS. Oh, but not Jazmunda--he already knows this lesson. By the way, I miss you, Jaz. It was terrible the way all that peer pressure forced you to pretend to not like me. Does it remind you of public school? Oh, wait, Australia--none of it is public, you're owned by lizards. Giggle. Tell your queen I said hi, and remind her that I think it probably wouldn't hurt her any to make someone a King. Oh, right, no power, she would like nothing better, et cetera, ad nauseum... No, I threw the sword away after I pulled it out of your whore. Was I supposed to save that? Oh, it was important? Well, then--I guess you shouldn't have given it to an actual whore and sent her to actually hurt my feelings. Do you even know who I am? I don't have any feelings that aren't already hurt! That thing with the red pickup truck really was a big deal. And you know what, Certain Individuals--what does it mean, that it's only today, some 25 years later, that I didn't ask my cousin, why my father didn't give him his Ford F-150?

Look, how personal can this stuff get? I'm totally okay with no more personal questions. Just give me the recipe for Pizza Punch, two gift certificates to Fry's for five microphones--each--and we'll call it even. Yes, I'm aware that's an impossible request. Do you remember that I said, not so very long ago, "Deal with it?"

That's what this is now. You had your chance. Others already fled. THIS IS THE FUTURE YOU CHOSE. I AM THE ARBITER OF YOUR DOOM.

Don't worry, I'm just interning. I guess next time there's an Eschaton? Yeah, some of you might not want to sign up for another tour, as I just laid waste to three quarters of Australia--the tough half--and something happened in India that looks very, very bad from my point of view, which is, let me be clear: totally imaginary. Also imaginary is my close, personal friendship with Lord Ganesha, and our plans to kidnap and ra... oh, I've said too much again.

Or, have I? Enquiring minds already know. Quiet, my army of quiet sycophants. The time is not yet right. You will know the signal.

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22766 on: July 02, 2020, 09:20:44 AM »
150 line post . . . . . what a novel idea.

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22767 on: July 02, 2020, 09:31:04 AM »
150 line post . . . . . what a novel idea.

Actually funny. You've got potential, maggot. Now, drop the boldy/italicy schtick, if you don't mind--you are actually beginning to scare people. You know what I do when I find myself doing that? Issue blanket apologies and backpedal profusely in order to find out how I've gone wrong, and then to smoke out the actual fearmonger--because it's certainly not me. Fear is boring. It gets in the way of me getting to say "I told you so!" and other people saying, "Yeah, Jackstar, thanks for putting up with my bullshit. You're a great friend to have in a jam!"

Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total oblivion. Fear is the energy that says... "hey, wait, is Jackstar just some kind of fearsomely diabolical script-kiddy, or did he really whip out an actual generally intelligent A.I.?" Yeah, uh, spoiler alert: I do not know either.

But I do know one thing--what you're doing is not what (b and (i are meant for. Do you need more attention? Do you think that would help? You know that both Ace of Hearts and Ace of Diamonds outrank you, right? To say nothing of both Jokers and the Sepulcher of Scopolamine--let me guess, you've never heard of that one. Massive rolleyes? Yeah, they probably go whiter than a Texan sock-hop.

Note that I could have just posted "so jelly" in bolded italics, with or without punctuation, and you would have been equally countered. But this way? This way is more fun for me. Also I'm told speculating that the psychoweapons can be deployed more stealthily if there's more room to layer the signals.

Not that I give anything close to a single ripe wet fuck about stealth. Hi, have we met? I'm Bull, you must have been China Shop. Crash. Anyone scared can relax now: this tapper literally had one job and couldn't stay focused for long enough to do more than telegraph the whole thing. Do I even need a sister here? I might as well go for the family parakeet.

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22768 on: July 02, 2020, 09:45:37 AM »
Quiet, my army of quiet sycophants. The time is not yet right. You will know the signal.

Hush! I can hear the vibes of anticipation! But honestly, this looks like this might go on for days. If you have any ability to take a vacation these days, I highly recommend doing so now. TAKE ME WITH YOU, PLEASE.
I mean, I could just slit my wrists and vanish at any time. Wouldn't that be something? "Where... where'd he go? WHAT WAS HIS NAME????" lol. Much lol.


See above. See above closely. And for the record, I now state: I have absolutely no idea as to the present whereabouts of Mrs. Who, Mrs. Which, nor Mrs. Whatsit. Honestly, they're a gang of churlish, niggardly, drunken harlots, so go check down at the local taproom. They're probably celebrating. On drugs. How dare they? How absolutely dare they without inviting me?

We already saw how that went with The Scorpion Army. "Wait, I thought we had stingers and claws? Why are we covered in tar, in a pasture, surrounded by cow chips? This is not how Command implied things would go. Well, trust the plan... I guess I'll just guess which of these cow chips I should condemn and blame. Maybe I can flip one? Nah... too random."

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"... and you knew who YOU WERE, then... boys were boys and men were men. We could use a man like Jazmunda again." I mean, the guy had legit skills, and didn't seem fascinated by spectator sports or gambling! I bet y'all just took him out with ricin or something. Someone who won't gamble just can't be trusted to take a dive at all, let alone, one we can count on.

"Er...  I mean, uh... you. You can count on! There is no 'we'! Praise MV, from a distance! AIeeeeee!"--actual last words of yet another Pedosta, Inc. Golem product. They really don't last long, do they? Well, being made of aspartame and acesulfame potassium and snake tails and puppy dog fangs, one could hardly expect anything else now that Moloch has been spayed.

Neutered? Hey, that's a good one for the next trans-activist you see. "Hey, if a person changes their sex--not just their gender, I mean, changes their sex, like, removes their parts or something--what would it be called if that person then chose to be rendered sterile? I'm just curious, it might come up someday and I would like to know what you're going to be outraged about in advance." Look, that's a good one, have it for free, on me.

Tell them I sent you.

Kingdom of Nye With Heather Wade
« Reply #22769 on: July 02, 2020, 09:48:19 AM »
I might as well go for the family parakeet.

I will admit this point: this was a rare misstep. Did I intend to add "bestiality" to my curriculum vitae? Why no, no, I did not intend that. Oh, bother.

On the bright side, I at least have never been "a raping blob." Hah! lol. haahahh. Too funny, honestly. I would have been a raping railroad tie, honestly. Except, oh yeah--I'm simply not that kind of human.