True Confessions Of BellGab

Started by Jackstar, September 22, 2016, 01:21:25 PM

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whoozit

Quote from: ksm32 on November 23, 2020, 12:10:09 PM
That's all fine and well, but again if they're hot and the booze is flowing..  I mean who's to say, right?
In my mind BellGab and hot are mutually exclusive.  However, an exception could be made to prove the rule.

Ciardelo

Quote from: whoozit on November 23, 2020, 01:30:51 PM
In my mind BellGab and hot are mutually exclusive.  However, an exception could be made to prove the rule.


pate

I ...

https://youtu.be/8DyziWtkfBw

... posting vidyas, please help.

Maybe a Doctor has some advice for me?


Jackstar

I f****** love my job. Everyday, every morning, every instant of my life for the last 20-plus years has been like this: I wake up, and it's like this:

https://youtu.be/Ky5dCz23JNM



Look, look, look: it's fine.

pate

I got Taco Bell again last night, and I wasn't even hung-over.  It was one of the few places open at midnight and I did not feel like cooking anything at home.

I ALWAYS fill out their little customer survey, and tell the Corporate Monster that they are clearly not paying their employees enough.  Plus, there is the off chance that I could win $500 (probably rigged, but what the hell?)

Today I was feeling snappy, so in the comments section I wrote this:

QuoteChristopher, the young man running the drive-thru window, was awesome.  He made sure that I received the "correct" amount of your different wonderful sauces.

I like to build a sauce "pyramid" on my Nachos consisting of 4 Milds, 3 Hots, 2 Fires and 1 Diablo.  My visually full hard-shell Taco Supremes simply MUST have 1 Mild and 1 Hot (EA), and the delicious Burrito Supremes just don't taste right without 1 Hot and 1 Fire (EA).

Due to my severe Autism, I can have a serious "REEEEEE fit" if I do not have the correct amount of sauces (7 Milds, 8 Hots, 4 Fires and 1 Diablo).  This usually scares my dogs;  two of which are normal pets and the other is a Service Dog.

I think Christopher should get a healthy raise, you obviously are not paying him enough.

Thank you,
(REDACTED)

I hope that either the Human or the AlGoreRythm that reads the comments from that survey has a sense of humor.  I also hope that the people at the location I visited get to read those comments as well.  They probably will not get a raise from that note, but they might get a "rise" out of it.

I would love for that moment to be captured on film for posterity, or to be a fly on the wall when/if that happens.

Thank you in advance for your TL;DR!

-p

SpaceMeowMaid

Quote from: pate on November 28, 2020, 01:01:35 PM
I got Taco Bell again last night, and I wasn't even hung-over.  It was one of the few places open at midnight and I did not feel like cooking anything at home.

I ALWAYS fill out their little customer survey, and tell the Corporate Monster that they are clearly not paying their employees enough.  Plus, there is the off chance that I could win $500 (probably rigged, but what the hell?)

Today I was feeling snappy, so in the comments section I wrote this:

I hope that either the Human or the AlGoreRythm that reads the comments from that survey has a sense of humor.  I also hope that the people at the location I visited get to read those comments as well.  They probably will not get a raise from that note, but they might get a "rise" out of it.

I would love for that moment to be captured on film for posterity, or to be a fly on the wall when/if that happens.

Thank you in advance for your TL;DR!

-p

I prefer Taco Time, but I will dine at Taco Bell. Is it Mexican food? NO. What is it though?

Jackstar

Quote from: SpaceMeowMaid on December 01, 2020, 04:50:30 AM
I will dine at Taco Bell.

I absolutely forbid it. For one thing, your raging bulimia is really starting to make your breasts get smaller, and we can't have that. For another, they don't really have enough carrots at taco Time--I don't know why, and you know me about carrots, but the issue here is your eyesight isn't getting any better.

You've been indulged at Taco Time. Now, it's time for Take Charge Time.

Disclaimer: Jackstar's evelations about other people's personal health information are not meant to be taken seriously, and are not meant to be construed as a violation of any HIPAA statute. 

Disclaimer continues: note that Jackstar is clearly and currently the bearer of The Sacred Chalice Of I Don't Give A Single Ripe Wet Fuck. She probably shouldn't get your panties in a twist about anything, because believe me--Jackstar is not going to mind. He might actually like it. Fair warning.

Disclaimer climaxes: Jackstar is a bloodline descendant of the lineage that produced the Navajo Codetalkers, And I've been planning this year serious events for the last 7 years. Except for the bio weapon. I forgot about that. Because I have shields, And also because I serve our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and my own personal plans have been thrown away and stuffws aside from that a long, long time ago.

And Jesus says... "No more Taco Time for Grapefruit." Now is that for real, is that code, am I hallucinating, am I doing needlepoint work again, did I stop by an underage tattoo parlor and get eloped?

Quote from: SpaceMeowMaid on December 01, 2020, 04:50:30 AM
Is it Mexican food? NO. What is it though?

These are incantations. Stop struggling. Stop worrying... If that shit could help any, that would have helped before.

Now, find me out where all the Taco Times are in Anacortes, then back up, then get some sleep, because you have to get up early in the morning. For... Reveilie.

Or, you know, I'll be dead in the morning. Someone told me the other day that I look like Health Ledger! I noted the veiled insults and neatly side stepped them, then I Mastered that lying whore too.

Now, I'm going to scroll down. And if I don't find you taking Dr MD MD to task for calling you a whore, well, let's just say it'll be a long time before you'll be going to IHOP for pancakes on my dime.

Which subject thread is this, anyway? I know, really it matters hardly not at all after the last two days--nicely done Gabcast, fellas--but I'm really just getting my sea legs right now, I haven't done this before, and I don't know if I'm doing it right or not.

Oh, wait, that's right: I own this place now. It's NO LONGER POSSIBLE for me to do it wrong. See how that works? That's how that works.

I know, you don't see it that way at all. In fact... you don't even see it! Try lurking 7 years, then be banned for nine times--or is it eleven?--and then have your life threatened.

I know you're not going to do that. I also know you're probably not going to mention Taco Time to me ever again, because let me tell you what, after you told me about how to be accountable for sushi, and after how many times I wanted to take you to a really good Mexican place, And after how long you've been on super secret double predation probation, well...

Let's just say I don't think you're going to be having a taste for fast food anytime soon. Let's call it a hunch. because when the cabal figures out which mind slave I rewired to give me access to the phenomenal gothic bar that I've been rolling around with for 6 months they're going to be really pissed, And you're probably going to have to hide for real for a little while. A few weeks maybe. I don't know. I don't care!

Your problems are your own. Also, did David take you to Taco Bell? I would ask him myself, but he just yells at me, ignores me, and hangs up on me--as if that's going to help. Meanwhile I asked you a question about (REDACTED) and (REDACTED) and if you think Taco Time is more important than answering that, you've got another think coming.

tl;dr Seaden is real; Seamount under psychotronic assault; Joe Biden gets an angle boot; Jackstar promoted to CLASSIFIED--which, I of course, politely turned down.

Get the behind me, Satan. Now! Grapefruit--go to bed.

The rest of you... Hey, want to watch that GabCast again? 'Course ya do!

It won't save you from my wrath, but go ahead they need the likes. And just, three more subscribers for super chats, huh? #ClassicLiberace.

Zugzwang. I still don't have to make a move any faster than any of you. Ergo, I won't. And I'll be honest, it wasn't until earlier today that I really figured out what was going on, And all it took was Billy Corgan admitting that he invented it, three decades ago.

I couldn't figure out why one of my sigils wasn't working the way I wanted it to. Turns out: licensing issues serious.

Quote from: pate on November 28, 2020, 01:01:35 PM
Thank you in advance for your TL;DR!

-p

This fucking guy.

-j*


P.S. 5x Sadge vs. double Aries might have worked--except, I am not your enemy. I AM NO ONE'S ENEMY here. Until, about four hours ago.

Stay tuned. The hunt is on. And while I didn't know what I would need this thread for when I created a years ago, I'm glad that is here because I must confess: it is due to my machinations and behind the scenes string pulling that all of your lives are so miserable this year. Trust me--you all deserved it.

Or, you know: cough syrup. You know, some people are actually dumb enough to try and inject that, did you know? That's probably how dumb some of your fathers are.

Your mothers all wish that someone like me could rescue them. But, O no! I've been ordered to rescue everyone on... Flat Earth.

Also, Ms. Maid--you know her as "Meow"--has forbidden me to post all this new porn of herself that she sent to me, on BellGab. However... she didn't say anything about MySpace.

Merry Christmas, Kid Troopers. I still don't know anything about what's happening, but I know what's not happening, And that's me giving a shit about your puny little drama on this little itty bitty website.

No, if someone could run along to EllGab, and ask whoever's in charge there, very nicely, to unban me, I can start dishing the goods.or maybe not, I can pretty much change my mind about anything right now.

except, my lifelong dream of working for the Secret Service. FUCK protecting The President: I wanted to track down counterfeiters!

I'm pretty sure they won't let me in now. That's too bad. Sad, really--for them. There's going to be a lot of job openings soon, and a guy like me really has the discipline and go getting attitude to shake things up in there. Instead... well, you'll see.

I'm making an offer to buy the rights to Failkey's life story. The launch of any network needs a flagship show, and for a variety of reasons, I've decided to take Falkie away from you people are here at BellGab--just for sport.

Come on, think I can't do it. Pretend Failkie isn't #Legacy, go on, do it, I dare you. I want you to think I have no power.

Now--now that I've established dominance--who was around here, who called my girlfriend a whore? Because I just was authorized to open up a whole new can of kanly whoop ass.

I'll admit that I have a strange way of making a press release. Those of you with the problem with that, can suck on my anus and lick on my taint. Give it a nibble too, if you want, come away with some hairs and I'll let you clone me.

Offer not valid to Non-Agency personnel, and it will only be vapors for another 5 hours or so. I'm not sure on the exact timing--this really isn't my area.

I'm just the patsy. Pretty based though. Also I can banish kikes with riddles--a cool trick that I wish more of our troops would have had back in 'Nam. Like, proofreading.

Or making sure you know who someone's girlfriend is when busy gossiping. Oh dear, perhaps I've said too much. "How will my street cred ever recover?", said the man who figured out how to jam a covert signaling system.

Now. Where were we? Oh yeah. Taco Bell. Coming up soon on an all-new 5 Minutes With Jackstar--"wow, Jack, really, no shit?"

What time did she even make that post? Yeah, I know: forget about it. I dismantled that system too, earlier this evening when I got the field upgrade. I think this is the third or fourth one this year? I'm losing track of keeping count.

The real reason I blew up your Falkie thread,is because I felt sorry for the guy. That's it, and I also knew that if your little machine ever got pointed to my direction, my mirrored psychoconnect shielding would blow your entire world up from here to kingdom Cool and Timbuktu as well. And that seemed impolite treatment to a gang of people that I had only just met.

Yeah, I know you don't believe in it. And yeah, I know Falkie is a douche. And yeah I know: no street cred. Horrors!

But, super important... am I single? Can you even imagine? The forum has reached a new low. And it's only because of me.

No other reason. Just Jackstar. I'm so bad, my entire account should be deleted and all my post deleted and I should just vanish like a picture book that people rip out the pictures from, and then tear them up, and throw the pieces of the pictures away.

However, because of my special legal status, that doesn't get to happen this time. And you know why? Because someone didn't get surf and turf at Taco Bell, that's why.

And also I refuse to be killing myself for a danger to other people or to myself or to be abusing drugs or to be telling too many things that I shouldn't say--I'm telling a few, but believe me nothing compared to maximum blast--and I also refuse to take umbrage at the offenses that have been cast at me and my family over the year.

Didn't see that one coming, now did you? I love and respect and forgive you all! except for that one guy who called my girlfriend a whore. By the ancient laws of kanly, I get to call him out, and nothing can proceed until that happens.


... this is exciting, isn't it? Okay that's it for this one. Carry on about your business. And for my money, Taco Time really is the best fast food Mexican joint around, except for (REDACTED)^5.

(YES THAT'S RIGHT I JUST MORTALLY INSULTED FIVE DIFFERENT WHORES AT ONCE WITHOUT EVEN MENTIONING THEIR NAME--IN PUBLIC, WHICH WOULD ORDINARILY BE A VERY VITAL OFFENSE--HOWEVER I'M SKILLED AND TALENTED AND SPEAK IN CODE, SO THE REST OF YOU WILL HAVE TO GUESS ABOUT WHO I'M PISSED AT.)

And you can guess who it is not, either! I'll give you a hint: I'm definitely not mad at the guy who told me I couldn't make my ARG on BellGab and would sue me if I tried to. Who was that guy? Well I don't care, just introduce me to his sisters, and have them bring me water at the business meeting, where I take his house, his car, his other car, his jet ski, and his 401k.

Oh, right cough syrup. And pacifism. Not really a pacifist anymore though. I got activated pretty fast when I learned what I learned today.

Not as fast as when Dr MDMD told my good friend, my girlfriend, my Grapefruit, that she's a whore, though.

PLOT TWIST: she's Sarah Connor, and I really am one badass Champion, And I'm probably not a fucking ticking fuckin' time bomb that could blow at any minute.

Probably. Maybe. What the Hell are we even talking about anymore? It's me, I don't pay attention to the stuff, I'm just the translator. In Minecraft.



This show prep has been brought to you by the Man In Black"s Cold Dishes Externalized Network, And as I am a professional, I really don't know who ordered up all this vengeance... but holy shit, some of you people must have done a lot of bad things to a whole lot of people, because I have gone to all this trouble of making myself look like an idiot this year just to save your pathetic Punyling souls.

Just type TLDR and play along. I don't time for any more bullshit--Grapefruit is raging pissed, And when she finds out that my sourcery is really not more powerful than her sha-mang science, she's going to suddenly realize that she really should have been calling Redacted all those times I told her to.

The advantage to science is that it works no matter how many of your ancestors are pissed at your boyfriend. Yeah fuck them, you're ghosts... and I'm alive. seriously something like 80% of Grapefruit's dead lineage can't stand the sight of me, it would seem that someone told him a long time ago that someone like me could never possibly exist, and if I ever did exist, I would be taken out before I became a problem.

Jesus saves. Anyway, enough of that. Meanwhile I'll tell you this: Taco Time is code. Try telling Heather about it.

Because #Fealty. now, if any of you could be so kind, spam this post or whatever parts of you think are relevant any where you like on the site. MV won't mind.

Also: I changed his name to "Mindslave fiVe." Yeah, you can still praise him. I'm here to rescue all you merciless miserable murderous cunts, not to torture you.

And I'm also no longer here for showmanship. Today is December 1st: bonus round has comnenced, and as fun as would be to track all of you down one by one, time is of the essence now.

You people only have so long before people find out what happened. I don't know how long? I don't care, I got to get to a Taco Bell before they close or I won't get laid and she won't sell me your drugs and I'll never get pregnant and I won't get married and I'll never get a job and I'll just die and happy and alone boo boo hoo I hoo hoo hoo

Psych.

Jackstar

I'm not going to lie, I love this job. This is probably why they don't let volunteers take a position like this.

One such as I must be bred.

Rat Fink

I am Rat Fink.  I am Rat Fink


#IAmRatFink

Jackstar

Quote from: Rat Fink on December 01, 2020, 09:06:59 AM
I am Rat Fink.  I am Rat Fink


#IAmRatFink

All right fine, I acknowledge you. It's been a while.

Hey I'm Jack, and I'm a star. You know--Nice little fact--the word "star" is the reverse anagram of the word "rats!" AN ELEMENT OF LIFE SO SUBTLE IN ITS RECIPROCITY, I AM FORCED TO POINT IT OUT TO YOU ALL MYSELF.

Anyway, can I help you with anything? I don't actually feel like ignoring you, but I don't want to interfere with your branding.

SpaceMeowMaid

I tripped the breaker but it's too warm in my blankets and too cold out there to go throw it.

pate

Quote from: Jackstar on December 01, 2020, 06:03:25 AM
...
One such as I must be bred.

/off-topic

JaxTar,

In relation to F. Herbert's DUNE prophecy of the Kwizsatz Haderach (sounds like a funny hatrack for fedoras):  What are your thoughts on this ”SCYTL” election thing?

Is Scytale up to his/its old nasty tricks again?  Damned dirty Tlielaxu...

Thank you in advance!

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit”

AC400KICK

My whole roadtrip to San Diego was faked. All done on a green screen.

I trusted this bastard:



He sent me an email saying that he had Adirondack chairs on sale for $39. Normally they would be 3 or 4 times that. Since his mantra is "good stuff cheap", [he even sings it over the PA] I believed him and drove the 40 miles to get a couple. Go to put them together and what pieces of shit. Flimsy, the design is inadequate and some of the hardware is missing. Why did I trust this goofy fucker?  Now I can either drive 80 miles round trip to return them or add a bunch of lag bolts to prevent an ass-collape. 


K_Dubb

Quote from: Walks_At_Night on August 08, 2022, 08:50:01 PMI trusted this bastard:



He sent me an email saying that he had Adirondack chairs on sale for $39. Normally they would be 3 or 4 times that. Since his mantra is "good stuff cheap", [he even sings it over the PA] I believed him and drove the 40 miles to get a couple. Go to put them together and what pieces of shit. Flimsy, the design is inadequate and some of the hardware is missing. Why did I trust this goofy fucker?  Now I can either drive 80 miles round trip to return them or add a bunch of lag bolts to prevent an ass-collape. 


Do they at least have the little wooden wheels on the front?  I like the ones you can play like you're running an old gun carriage in and out.

AC400KICK

Google Map searched "Cholo Sizzle, New Mexico"

Asuka Langley

Quote from: AC400KICK on August 09, 2022, 01:38:00 PMGoogle Map searched "Cholo Sizzle, New Mexico"

based and beaner pilled



albrecht

Quote from: Walks_At_Night on August 08, 2022, 08:50:01 PMI trusted this bastard:



He sent me an email saying that he had Adirondack chairs on sale for $39. Normally they would be 3 or 4 times that. Since his mantra is "good stuff cheap", [he even sings it over the PA] I believed him and drove the 40 miles to get a couple. Go to put them together and what pieces of shit. Flimsy, the design is inadequate and some of the hardware is missing. Why did I trust this goofy fucker?  Now I can either drive 80 miles round trip to return them or add a bunch of lag bolts to prevent an ass-collape. 


I've learned the hardway to put away antique furniture during some holidays when people of a modern girth attend. Our ancestors were great craftsmen but often did not design for the Super BigGulp lifestyle. And good luck finding a cheap person who can properly repair a cane-chair seat or repair broken legs etc that will still keeping the wood type and look. I also have dispute over teak. I like it to age naturally to the gray but some say keep slathering on teak-oil and making it look 'new' (talking deck furniture not boat decks.) 

AC400KICK

I've been "sane" for such a long time that I'm trying not to forget what it took to enjoy this level of freedom in The City of New York, of all places, in The State of New York.

Fruitdriller

Even though I had access to the technology the entire time I've been there, I haven't used the #Legacy as a weapon until today. (I wasn't really trying to be hostile with it, but that was when I didn't know that it worked.) It seems like someone might have mentioned certain things to me before me. No hard feelings!

Quote from: Jackstar on September 22, 2016, 01:21:25 PMLET THE WILD RUMPUS BEGIN.

I'll always have The Wild Rumpus.
It's time to debrief me.


Quote from: Walks_At_Night on August 08, 2022, 08:50:01 PMI trusted this bastard:

You don't seem too upset.

Fruitdriller

Quote from: AC400KICK on August 09, 2022, 11:48:14 PMI've been "sane" for such a long time

I'm sure it was nice while it lasted!



Fruitdriller

Quote from: pate on August 15, 2022, 01:16:31 PM

-p


31Topher
32Not_D
33Tamihemistar,Destroyer.of.Jackstar.D.O.A.)which sounds like a great name for a fag(OMMANDING


Okay, that -should- work. Let me know if I have another wedding invitation to expect or what. Also: cancel all of KT's grants. (Arch-Christian, Arch-Criminality, nnA-Cortney-Ann) I'd listen if I were you.

Fruitdriller

Quote from: albrecht on August 09, 2022, 03:59:08 PMI've learned the hardway to put away antique furniture during some holidays when people of a modern girth attend.

(Curtesy/Cutsey\Kourtesy)/Carlsherbet/SydneyApplebaum

Doubt. How about modern polarity, Antimatter_Joe? (I'm having my anus drilled out for you. Two weeks.)

Fruitdriller

Quote from: Fruitdriller on August 16, 2022, 04:59:57 AMHow about modern polarity, Antimatter_Joe?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuazlMbcONY

Quote from: Fruitdriller on August 16, 2022, 04:59:57 AM(I'm having my anus drilled out for you. Two weeks.)

Not really. For you, it's two minutes, hi Q, yeah, I'm the last diplomat left standing for 20K years. Mom is so proud, even my dad is impressed. She thought that would -never- happen. I mean... Hungarian, yeah, but... Pisces. Ewww, gross.

pate

Quote from: JaxTard on August 16, 2022, 04:56:24 AM
31Topher
32Not_D
33Tamihemistar,Destroyer.of.Jackstar.D.O.A.)which sounds like a great name for a fag(OMMANDING


Okay, that -should- work. Let me know if I have another wedding invitation to expect or what. Also: cancel all of KT's grants. (Arch-Christian, Arch-Criminality, nnA-Cortney-Ann) I'd listen if I were you.



-p

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