Author True Confessions Of BellGab  (Read 34216 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #720 on: September 14, 2020, 11:54:34 PM »
The infographic below may help you with that:



Cheers!  Happy reporting.  Also you can simply enter the following text at the end of a post:

Code: [Select]
/reported

Thanky kindly Dear pate sir!!! I am honestly blind as a bat. But there it is plain as day :)

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #721 on: September 14, 2020, 11:55:19 PM »
So what happens when we report our own posts KEK? anybody know?

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #722 on: September 14, 2020, 11:57:49 PM »
So what happens when we report our own posts KEK? anybody know?

Personally, I was wondering how I could put myself on my "buddies" list...

/self-reported

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #723 on: September 14, 2020, 11:59:08 PM »
I did it for science and to take one for the team. Haha  [ You are not allowed to view attachments ]    [ You are not allowed to view attachments ]  

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #724 on: September 14, 2020, 11:59:47 PM »
Personally, I was wondering how I could put myself on my "buddies" list...

/self-reported

Ya, you're a good buddy to have!

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #725 on: September 15, 2020, 12:01:27 AM »
Ya, you're a good buddy to have!

Well, I failed to mention that it is actually JaXtar that receives the "reported posts" alert, so there is that...

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #726 on: September 15, 2020, 12:01:47 AM »
So what happens when we report our own posts KEK? anybody know?

fuck around and find out


True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #727 on: September 15, 2020, 01:17:14 AM »
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEmdW3_bi4c

So what happens when we report our own posts KEK? anybody know?


Say hi to Whitney for me.

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #728 on: September 15, 2020, 06:18:44 PM »
fuck around and find out



Ya, I hear the Gay Mafia is the WORST!



True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #731 on: September 15, 2020, 06:43:28 PM »
Ok, but are you trying to tell me that the gay mafia didn't make him dress like that?

What are you talking about?! Lee can get away with wearing outfits like that because hes so virile and manly. He likes boobs n stuff!

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #732 on: September 15, 2020, 07:00:44 PM »
What are you talking about?! Lee can get away with wearing outfits like that because hes so virile and manly. He likes boobs n stuff!

Well, I would be convinced if I had ever witnessed such. So sure ok, if you say so :)

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #733 on: September 15, 2020, 07:07:12 PM »
I would be convinced if I had ever witnessed such




You know nothing, Johanna Snow.

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #734 on: September 15, 2020, 08:29:45 PM »
My brother and I never spoke of it and he never retaliated for the incident.

You didn't even speak about it after becoming adults?

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #735 on: September 15, 2020, 09:26:05 PM »
You didn't even speak about it after becoming adults?

Not about anything specifically, but the abuse got much worse. CPS finally got involved and let my mother know that my sister and I would be removed from the home if she didn't figure something out. My mother reached out to her church ministry for help and they obliged her. My brother was placed in a boys home for two years.

We get along fabulously today and have for years. We don't talk about it much, because he hates himself for it. He constantly reminds me that he wishes he had been a better brother. No matter how many times I tell him I understand and forgive him, he just refuses to forgive himself.

My big brother is an amazing man and I love him with all my heart.

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #736 on: September 16, 2020, 01:05:51 AM »
My big brother is an amazing man and I love him with all my heart.

He sounds like a fucking piece of shit.

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #737 on: September 16, 2020, 01:11:32 AM »
He sounds like a fucking piece of shit.

That's not exactly the kind of response one would expect in a 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑓𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙.

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #738 on: September 16, 2020, 02:07:09 AM »
He sounds like a fucking piece of shit.

That's how I felt at the time too, I really fucking hated him and for years. I'm a spitting image of my father, the same father that left all of us in some pretty unfavorable positions. It doesn't make up for it, but I came to understand that when my brother looked at me, he saw his father. The same father, whom did something extremely selfish that would scar his children for life.

Azzerae, Do you think you would be the artist that you are today had you not struggled with mental illness? Had the pressures been removed from you, would you still posses the capacity to piece together a forum overnight, just because you got banned from a platform that you preferred? Would you have the courage, to put on females clothing and makeup, or make an avatar of yourself flipping the bird to the world that rejects you? (Probably Not) It's up to you to decide what you allow those experiences to mean to you, it can create you, or break you. Sometimes I think your'e undecided as to whether or not, you think, you're worth it. The idea, that any of us are all alone is total nonsense.

How's that for cornball?

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #739 on: September 16, 2020, 02:55:30 AM »
That's how I felt at the time too, I really fucking hates [my brother] for years.

I'll beat the shit out of other men all day long, but was raised to know, you never lift your hand to a woman. Under any circumstances whatsoever. I guess it's just that coming out in me.

I'm a spitting image of my father, the same father that left all of us in some pretty unfavorable positions. It doesn't make up for it, but I came to understand that when my brother looked at me, he saw his father. The same father, whom did something extremely selfish that would scar his children for life.

So am I. A splitting image of my late old man. He couldn't provide, drank and ate himself to death. So I carry guilt around in family situations oftentimes, feeling bad for reminding everyone what he was like, and all the mistakes he made.

Azzerae, Do you think you would be the artist that you are today had you not struggled with mental illness? Had the pressures been removed from you, would you still posses the capacity to piece together a forum overnight, just because you got banned from a platform that you preferred? Would you have the courage, to put on females clothing and makeup, or make an avatar of yourself flipping the bird to the world that rejects you? (Probably Not) It's up to you to decide what you allow those experiences to mean to you, it can create you, or break you. Sometimes I think your'e undecided as to whether or not, you think, you're worth it. The idea, that any of us are all alone is total nonsense.

I have mixed feelings about this question. I was always a little out there, and became more so when I started smoking pot and drinking all day long in university. I always had mood problems. I always went through bouts of crippling paranoia. I was told, as a child, psychiatry is nonsense. That therapists are the most screwy of all. The attitude was, as a lower middle class family, that depression was something you just soldiered through - that everyone had problems. I had a pretty severe case of epilepsy as a kid, but the doctors couldn't really provide any solid answers as to why, and the medication I had to take was hit and miss. I grow up, I get into my late teens, early twenties and I'm full of anger. Never dealt with my fathers death. But I tend to want to say to you that I would be much better off, and be more successful as an artist than I am now, had I not began hearing voices and gotten diagnosed with Schizophrenia. The one thing a layman may not know about this disorder is how deeply it affects ones ability to concentrate. I used to be so damn prolific, and have such A grade turnaround times in my project management and working life...but ever since I had my first psychotic break (which I can barely remember clearly, other people had to witness it) I just can't sit down and complete a task. I can be in a somewhat empty room without stimulation from anything "outside" of myself for hours and hours, and be totally fine. Apparently that isn't normal. People confuse this with laziness. No. I can't focus on or manage one task for an extended period, let alone multitask. My podcasts are a way I feel I have been able to deal with not wasting away my days and having nothing to show for them. If anyone has listened to the couple live streams I've initiated, they'll know that I sound a lot less put together, and I have moments where my mind just goes blank out of nowhere, and I can't even remember what point it was I was trying to make. Luckily, I'm proficient at editing sound files, so I can cover any flubs I make in post-prod (not being live). So, I do see what you're saying, that the things that are wrong with me have shaped my life in a way, but I must say, I am not happy at how much Schizophrenia has robbed me of. The common consensus is, that an artist making valuable work suffers for it, and I have, and I do...but I don't revel in that...I'd much prefer life to be a tad more comfortable. Schizophrenia never gave me any courage. The only courage I can find is a haphazard pastiche of my past acts of courage, cobbled together in an attempt to get through a regular day that most other people would breeze through without batting an eyelid.

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #740 on: September 16, 2020, 04:08:43 AM »
So, I do see what you're saying, that the things that are wrong with me have shaped my life in a way, but I must say, I am not happy at how much Schizophrenia has robbed me of. The common consensus is, that an artist making valuable work suffers for it, and I have, and I do...but I don't revel in that...I'd much prefer life to be a tad more comfortable. Schizophrenia never gave me any courage. The only courage I can find is a haphazard pastiche of my past acts of courage, cobbled together in an attempt to get through a regular day that most other people would breeze through without batting an eyelid.

I suppose that was a little knee-jerk of me and probably a bit presumptuous as well. You're right, I'm a layman and the last person that should be speaking to your condition. You do however, come off quite collected on the podcasts I've heard you on. I have listened to some of the podcasts you produced personally, though apparently not enough. An old friend of mine who is no longer with us, had Dissociative Identity Disorder, commonly known as Personality Disorder. I was completely convinced that had he put down the Methamphetamine, with some work, he could have gone on to live a healthy life. Yes, the things we endure and those we include to be a part of our lives shape us and that is all I was inferring. I hope you're graced with all those particular necessities that will bring your life balance, so that you may find peace in all this. 

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #741 on: September 16, 2020, 04:14:34 AM »
That's not exactly the kind of response one would expect in a 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑓𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙.

Oh, but it is!

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #742 on: September 16, 2020, 04:17:46 AM »
So am I. A splitting image of my late old man. He couldn't provide, drank and ate himself to death. So I carry guilt around in family situations oftentimes, feeling bad for reminding everyone what he was like, and all the mistakes he made.

My father killed himself while my mother was grocery shopping. She came home to find her oldest son and daughter sobbing at his side and myself screaming in my crib. He passed his pain to his children, my brother passed it to me. No one is guilty in this scenario, it's just tragic. We all experience forms of it, but again it's up to ourselves to do something about it. 

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #743 on: September 16, 2020, 04:42:54 AM »
I'm a layman and the last person that should be speaking to your condition.

No, no. Everyone should be free to have their say.

You do however, come off quite collected on the podcasts I've heard you on.

I love to read. I think that's helped. I was just listening to an interview the other day, conducted by Jeffrey Mishlove with Jeffrey Kripal (Whitley Strieber's co-author of The Super Natural: A New Vision of the Unexplained) and Dr. Kripal was saying, that because of the fact that Whitley Strieber can express himself so eloquently as a professional writer, the general public tends to believe his creative faculties have gotten the best of him. That there is question of dishonesty or fraud stems from how richly the experiences are retold. Why I mention this, is because I think people look at a person at face value, and because they are good at passing as neurotypical, putting on a brave face, and have years of practice trying to mask their crazy, when the truth comes out that they are in fact mentally compromised very few people can accept that a person is sick, and have been struggling silently for years.

I have listened to some of the podcasts you produced personally, though apparently not enough. An old friend of mine who is no longer with us, had Dissociative Identity Disorder, commonly known as Personality Disorder. I was completely convinced that had he put down the Methamphetamine, with some work, he could have gone on to live a healthy life.

Now that's a rough disorder. No judgement meant, but the drug use can't have helped. But we all have our Achilles heel now, don't we?

Yes, the things we endure and those we include to be a part of our lives shape us and that is all I was inferring. I hope you're graced with all those particular necessities that will bring your life balance, so that you may find peace in all this.

I'm happy to have conversations like these. Don't be so apologetic, as I believe we're all learning as we go in this life, and the people who "have it all figured out" are usually the ones who know the least about what it all means. Confidence is 99% of success, I guess, and the remaining one percent is a myriad of other things we all attempt to master - and fail miserably at.

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #744 on: September 16, 2020, 05:07:03 AM »
I'm happy to have conversations like these. Don't be so apologetic, as I believe we're all learning as we go in this life, and the people who "have it all figured out" are usually the ones who know the least about what it all means. Confidence is 99% of success, I guess, and the remaining one percent is a myriad of other things we all attempt to master - and fail miserably at.

Well put Azz. You know, regardless of our ignorant preconceptions about what our lives (were) suppose to be, life can have a way of showing us what we're really made of. The best part about discovering humility, is that you start actually loving others and yourself. Experiencing yourself and others for who they/we are is priceless, in a healthy relationship. Now, you can posses all the prowess in the world, accolades that fill gymnasiums, and a bank account that makes Bill Gates blush, but beyond those temporal superficialities you will always long for the other.

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #745 on: September 16, 2020, 05:25:07 AM »
The patterns that we're born into reflect repression. We're born into thinking we've got to get up at a certain time, be happy to be given a job. We're trained to sit for 8 hours a day when the sun is out from when we're kids. I've been doing a lot with Jackstar and I've been reading ancient history. The Dead Sea Scrolls, the Emerald Tablets and all the hieroglyphics - but I have found no mention of people going to school.

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #746 on: September 16, 2020, 05:34:39 AM »
Why I mention this, is because I think people look at a person at face value, and because they are good at passing as neurotypical, putting on a brave face, and have years of practice trying to mask their crazy, when the truth comes out that they are in fact mentally compromised very few people can accept that a person is sick, and have been struggling silently for years.

I don't believe people have the endurance, are capacity to truly love and lend themselves to more than a select few at a time. To pretend otherwise, is to be disingenuous or naive, pursuing it, would be foolish and destructive. We all at times, put on social masks for the things the world demands from us. Some do become apathetic, cruel even, but that's their journey and when you experience your own humility, you can learn to respectfully navigate their demons much the way you learned to navigate your own. At the end of the day, people have to choose to ask for help, you can't pry it from them. Furthermore, if one were attempting to, I would be highly suspect of their motives.

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #747 on: September 16, 2020, 12:51:55 PM »
My father killed himself while my mother was grocery shopping. She came home to find her oldest son and daughter sobbing at his side and myself screaming in my crib. He passed his pain to his children, my brother passed it to me. No one is guilty in this scenario, it's just tragic. We all experience forms of it, but again it's up to ourselves to do something about it.

Any ideas why he did that?

True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #748 on: September 16, 2020, 01:42:49 PM »
Any ideas why he did that?

My mother wanted a divorce.


True Confessions Of BellGab
« Reply #749 on: September 18, 2020, 11:09:10 PM »
Minor one. Really more random comment. But sometimes I like a losing season, and losing game in same, because the commentary of radio or tv guys get funny, random, good stories. This works for baseball and hockey, though baseball best because already long-form radio and so more musings come out and hockey is still fast even if losing. They have to fill time and start to reminiscence or, maybe, break out the booze, and have to talk. And the #metoo, BLM, and such crap also hasn't- totally-stopped good-hearted banter and such- since losing teams likely not targeted. I think that is the appeal of Biden for some. Some old guy in dotage who can ramble on.