BellGab.com Archive

Two Hundred Sixty-three, Terrible Tuesday"AYE COMM OBLAST" : "JEWELED ALIEN" : "SOYLENT PURPLE HAMBURGLAR" : "OVER ARCHON" : "EYE DEW"
ALCON,

In the interest of providing a secure location for the gathering, conglomeration, and indexing of highly trusted news sources for MAPA campaign purposes, general amusement, and edification;  I have decided, after much thought and research:  to establish here that place and/or thread.

I am well aware, as I am of many things, of the two similarly titled threads in the "Politics" section of BellGab/chan.  They may be found here & here respectively.

I have decided to create this one, the "Official MAPA News Service" here in the "Random" section of this site for two primary reasons and several tertiary reasons.

1.     The "Random" section of this message board is more in line with MAPA ideals than the "Politics" section
2.     One of the primary goals of the MAPA initiative is to do away with both Politics and Hypocrisy
3&c. One of the great many tertiary ideals on the quite lengthy, voluminous, and expansive MAPA List dealing with that subject is, of course, Fun

Below this initial post, I shall share a few stories that tickled me, for reasons.

Below this sentence I will list several trusted news sites;  although it may seem to be:  this List is far from exhaustive, unabridged, or complete.

Free Wood Post
Beyond The Echo Chamber
The Lapine
Wah Sarkar | वाह सरकार!
NewsBiscuit
The Rising Wasabi
Real Raw News

I, my shirtless running-mate, and the rest of the MAPA team welcome reader submissions from any news source that we feel might be a Trusted MAPA News Source™, you can Take That To The Bank, (less my standard 25% cut)!

Thank you in Advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO shat in the interregnum?" & "WHO farted in the elevator?"

I just realized that during the BellGabian Intar-Regnum I had started a similarly titled thread over at AzzGab.

I have now rectified my error in not immediately making one here ASAP;  this seeming hesitancy to broach the subject comes about becux:

1.  I really don't care about it.

&

2. I just found the following article:

SCOTT RITTER: The Death List

Apparently, the Ukraine has put this Scott Ritter character on a "Death List," and he is worried about gaining intar-national fame à la Mlle. Dugina.

I am certain that the BellGab Spectrum of opinion varies on this topic, ranging from my ambivalence to strongly positive/negative emotions.

There was a Twatter vidya embedded in the above story, for those who prefer vidyas over reading:

https://twitter.com/mossrobeson__/status/1129366379189231616

...it may be viewed there directly (if BellGabe 2.0 doesn't embed it automatically, I encourage you to call your local Congressperson and register a formal complaint), I haven't even watched it I care so little about both Twatter and the Ukraine.

Although, I have always felt The Ukrainian Wimmins to be quite hawt.  On par with Turkish and Moldavian Wimmins, so there is that.  Must be something about the Black Sea (no racism intended).

I invite anyone that gives a crap about this to go ahead and write dissertations, monologues, and &tc in this very thread!

Try to be polite, hear?

You know:  Decorum and shit.



-p

I listen to his KCMO 710am 1000-1200(CST/UTC-0600) News Feed.

I think it is different from his WNTP 990am 600-900(EST/UTC-0500).

Dude is a beast, K_Dubb, Attend:



I honestly had never seen his picture until today, and he amusingly resembles one half of the gay couple that lives in my neighborhood (who are not CHUDs, but might be CLAT-ers), not that there is anything wrong with that.

He just dropped some caller from New Jersey, apparently freeing up a line...

His site:

https://chrisstigall.com/

I also enjoy his "Best of" weekend show, which is pretty much a recycle/remix of his best bits of the week, but I think he might do some sort of podcast?  Nautical Shore.



-p














*note to site Admin(s):  the poll feature/bug is not operational.  Just the Facts, Jax!

I was familiar with the term, but until recently unfamiliar with this:

Lake City Quiet Pills

For the many among the BellGab readership that are un-ironically illiterate:


I found it mildly amusing, somewhat disturbing, and almost believable.

-p

The Mojito

This one is either Cuban or Puerto Rican (as far as I can tell anyway).  I was first introduced to these fine beverages at the French restaurant I used to sous chef at.

The classic version involves a sprig of fresh mint (some sort of special variety native to the island), sugar, half of a fresh lime (juiced), rum (white/clear), club soda and ice.

You will need a muddler and a glass, of course.

Into the glass put the mint, some ice, and a spoonful of sugar.  Use a muddler to crush that stuff and release the mint oil.  Add the juice and remnant of half a lime, a jigger of rum, more ice, and 4-6 ounces of club soda.  You can add more mint for garnish, an umbrella, or whatever.



The version of this that is served in The People's Free Democratic Republic of pate differs by the use of Peppermint, Peppermint syrup (one full jigger), and Spiced Rum (brown).  The highly skilled PFDRp bartender also uses only glassware that has been stored in the freezer for at a minimum of 3 hours before the drink is prepared.  The spiced rum used is Admiral Nelson's:



...because he outranks Captain Morgan and the civilian Mr. Meyer.  Probably any rum will suit, whether it be white or spiced (brown).

These are delicious, refreshing, and welcome if one is experiencing a months-long heat wave in excess of 90°F;  as we are in the MidWest (and other parts of God's country).

I think this is a somewhat refined variation of common Navy Grog (Nautical Shore);   it is also recommended as a prophylactic against scurvy:  should one need a strictly Medical or medicinal reason to consume this wonderful elixir.

Prosit!

-p

One Hundred Seventy-two, Make Dad Smile On Wednesdays
"JEWELED ALIEN" : "SPITZ FIREDUST" : METHUSULA PROGENY"
ALLCON:  Be it known that I am officially announcing my 2024 run for re-election!

Greetings, fellow MAPA'ers.  It has been awhile, but know that I have been feverishly, diligently, and quietly  fixing all kinds of shit behind the scenes over the past few years!

Some of the MAPA staff have also been busy as well (you know who you are: some of you might think you are; but you actually aren't.)

First off, a bit of Administrative shit fixing;  K_Dubb, Attend:

I trust that I can depend on you to shirtlessly run with me again this thyme?

If so, you will recall some of the trail balloon KamPain Plancks I have already proposed for the 2024 season:

Renationalization of the the Strategic Helium Reserve in Kansas (*spit*)
A Turkey in Every Cauldron
Standardization by the Food and Drug Administration of Arby's Curly Fries size and portion-sizes

I may not have discussed that last one with you, although I add it hear in consideration of your twin brother.

Apogees for revealing that thing about your brother so abruptly, I haven't revealed his name nor location so it hopefully does not fall under the doxxing restrictions of this new incarnation of BellGab...

As usual we will probably need to find snappier names for some of these new MAPA initiatives:  and I will, as always, lean heavily on you for your poetic stylings;  recall that ACRONYMS are nice, but not strictly necessary.

Other items of consequence are the First Lady thing, the Second Lady-man thing and the filling of other various currently vacant Administrative Positions.

Hear, Musaks:


As always I wish to:

Thank you in Advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2024
"WHO farted in the elevator?"









ediot: I note that bold functionality is sadly lacking, hear?
"{b}" & "{/b}"

It has been awhile, but as I recall eMCee from thyme to thyme would conduct "Unbannings."

From some of my acquaintances on the Whirl'd Wide DorkWeb I gather that some accounts are currently in a "Banned" status?

I was actually thinking on this just yesterday:  is this Banned/Unbanned status an artifact left from the most recent shuttering of Bellgab.com (re: two or so years ago) or is it intentionally directed at specific "problem" user accounts FOR REASONS?

Axing for a fiend.

-p

Honestly I am surprised that I had to create this thread, but hear we are...

In order to disguise the subject I hope to be discussed herein so that the thread is not polluted by CatLadies and/or CatLaddies I have decided that "The BellGab/bellchan eXXXtra Sexy Woodworking Thread" will suffice as a first order perimeter defense.

OPSEC will be critical here;  due to the lack of a functional PM system all comms will be in the clear.  Please bear this in mind and remember that when working with power tools you really need to mind your pints and quarts.

In order to properly celebrate this new era of the BellGab/chan multi-verse I will now open and consume a symbolic Pilsner Urquell, stand-by...



-p

ediot: Prosit!

Political War-Dogs ATTACK!

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

K_Dubb, Attend:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8ghXxXyAuw

Your "COMMIE HAIR" is getting quite out of control.  I would have you fix that shit!

You may continue with the Beer Drinkery and Political War-Dog Pettings while you see to this minor annoyance.

That is all, Carrie Anne.

Thank you in advance!  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

Quote from: SpaceMeowMaid on August 07, 2020, 02:47:11 AM
I propose a vision quest. Would you like to learn the process of becoming in Algonquin Tradition? It's not for everyone, so don't be afeared to say no.

This sounds like one of the proposed missions that the (REDACTED) would on random days deposit in my @.mil email account.

Pretty much the same boiler-plate, but with perhaps different verbiage.

Hah!

I actually never said anything at all in response.  Looking back, with my current situation in mind, perhaps I was unkind in not saying one of the following:  "Yes", "I Believe my ring size is 19.5; Nautical Shore?",  "Emphatically, NO;  I am contacting the Attorneys General for alleged harassment", and/or "Tell me more"?

This sort of unsolicited request always humbled me.  I thought to myself:  "Really?  These knuckleheads do not know me at all outside my unwelcome outside reknown";  much of my own making that I admit to myself.  OR:  "They bought my bullshit, and I really do not have enough in my account to cover it!?!"

Both of those thoughts quickened my then leaden heart, and looking back;  still quicken my now crystalline one...

Those two responses, now;  looking back were meant to hide my inner thought that haunts me forever.  I imagine Thor laughing in my face when I pathetically mewl:  "B-but, what if I fail?"

I may say ask such a thing to Thor's face, in a completely braggadaccio, self-depreciating and thoroughly abject manner as an actor portraying the part of his brother Loki might.

Maybe not.  If I get a chance to face Thor in the afterlife, well, one must stand tall in ones own pants, boots, and/or hat, however oversized or even under-sized they may be!

A wise one once said;  "It ain't bragging if it is true."

I would stand by those words while looking over mighty Thor's shoulder to see the one who actually uttered them!

HAH!

That said, you;  my misbegotten fishwife:  I would consider finding out more about this Algonquin Trader of which you speak, I believe there is one in my grandee-grand-gris ancestors that may aid in translation.  Probably not a direct descendant, but rumors of deeds manage to make it back to familiars...

So, SpaceMeowMaid, would you care to tell me more?

Another libation for myself and a musical selection for you (as I understand, you temporarily/permanently abstain, there may be some thyme around that you may nJoy:  Nautical Shore?)  my Court orders thus:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2WuPoJ3S9s

This wool thang remindes me of that one time I plated a "young" lady online via a game of backgammon and she graciously invited me to share some wild salmon on the sandy shore of the Pacific Northwest somewhere.  Unfulfilled promises of "Nothing like it" were bandied about from both sides and left dangling forevermore.

Now this interminable talk of "dangling" disturbs my Friday into Saturday rest and makes sleep fitful.

I would rest the dangling things, preferably somewhere soft and comfortable...

-p

I figured I might as well make it official.

I am pleased to announce that I am running for President.  It is probably common knowledge by now that every successful Presidential Campaign has been on BellGab.

I am certain that together "We can fix this shit."

As a perk to all my fellow rat-eating haters, regardless of friend, enemy, frenemy, fiend &al status I am offering cabinet posts, ambassador posts, appointments, life-time honoraiums, etc in exchange for your, dear reader, incredibly precious vote.

I am deadly serious about us fixing this shit, so it is a-political, under my benevolent velvety-gloved iron fist political parties will become a forgotten relic fit only for the memory hole.

Loyalty will be strictly enforced, it is my sincere belief that Jackstar will do a fine job seeing to that.

Gravity_Sucks is already on board for SecSpace.  This is on a first come/first served basis, my people.  We need to move quickly.  Fake ballots need to be filled out and stored near polling places.  There is much to do to fix this shit.

I know I can count on you, multiple times, for your vote.

Thank You.  It is an honor to serve.

pate/K_Dubb 2020
"We are going to fix this shit"

Roz,

Lately I have been contemplating that my semi-feral bachelor state might benefit from blissful domestication. 

This might be yet another Bellgab fantasy, mild insanity or a symptom of the madness of love;  perhaps a tasty melange of the three?  In these difficult times, I find comfort in my longheld conviction that such a sumptuosly beautiful mind as yours must necessarily be held within a similarly beguiling package.

Being the gambling rambler that I am, I feel that I must cast the die.  This lifelong fascination with the mysterious concept of an arranged marriage leads to contemplation of lifting the veil on an adventerous nuptial arrangement.  I embark upon this perhaps quixotic quest with the firm belief of your perfect nubility;  I impossibly dream that you will be convinced upon reading this request that it was written while on a bended knee.

Should this offer be appealing to you, simply provide an appropriate ring-size and a jeweler will be engaged to fashion a suitably tasteful and elegant ornament for your many talented hand.

This bauble will be presented at, and for, your pleasure as further negotiations warrant.

If nothing else, I hope this offer leaves you with at minimum a bemused smile.

Yours,

-p

Three movies that you would pick for the space aliens to watch to tell them about humanity.

I will go first, my idea is "past, present and future" of humanity.

Blazing Saddles
Idiocracy
Dune (director's cut)

Seems like there is'nain't a threat for this hisrtroniic fellah.  Lawds & Lauds should be plaice hear:



shiet!

I think right around now (+/- hrs) is the eight year anniversary of Extortion 17.

Apparently certain members are having trouble with the 2016 thread, so why not...

(I think if one digs far back enough there is at least one thread in the back pages of this sub-board having to do with Vote Fraud but not particularly tied to a year...  KrazyKarl or someone like that?  I can't recall...)

Here's my duplicated post from the other thread to kick things off:

Quote from: pate on November 08, 2018, 11:05:17 PM
...

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1060723241193484288

I figured that the Historic "Election night 2016" thread was getting clogged up with some current posts about the coming election so I started a new thread.

Hear you go.  I want to hear about which candidate the "Yellow Dog Democrats" will be voting for and stuff.

FUCK CLAIRE MCCASKILL!

GO CHIEFS!

I developed a taste for Braunschweiger in Germany.  Damn that stuff is good, it is like a meat butter you put on toast for breakfast, or whenever.  I love me some meat spreads, pates, headcheese etc.  Braunschweiger is awesome in Germany, but somewhat lacking here in the States if it can even be found.  I saw an Oscar Mayer Braunschweiger at the grocery store and made the mistake of purchasing it, awful.  Oscar Mayer gets an F.  Deutches Fleischerie WUNDERBAR.

Anyone else ever tried this spreadable meat miracle and found a decent American version?  Coz I haint.

mmm

MMmm

Mods, police (if any)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0bOH8ABpco

'murica!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhnUgAaea4M

 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkqPTfDHjiw

Agftar the Yak-milk, you kava java?

mmm

These things will be used by users as users for the


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTXfAtckS3g

Not to skew the resluts; p(RUSH) and Secretariat!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoFquax2F-k

or


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cy3BD6_nBPs

or


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRfs8LD-GS8

mmm...

ediot:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=To3sgDbwVvw

Waslh, Iyrshay, oder Skoots.

Mmm, any outsiders care to throw a manque tool ino, outre struggle, ?

mmm


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGFXojQDNWQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8GAMZqJqjs

mm, oder:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJlG_-c_Ib0

heh:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivzVgsR2yEc

Fun stuff for all y'all CoolDaddioes lishunnin' tew yer do-daddies!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kP3p4NxzFJg

Nab daggoot! Mint, this ya troshore:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsEwK69LXjQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xrqj8sLfZBg

ediot2wit;  mods please merge with ftheollwing IF APPROPRIATE tia:

Quote from: Kaiborg on December 21, 2012, 02:00:56 AM
Thanks for asking about the details, and sorry it's taken so long to get back!

As Christmas day approaches, I had to churn out a few more "classics" and do a proper holiday EP.  Click on the garish graphic below for the band camp page.

1.Carol of the Bells 01:30   
2.Bring a Torch Janette Isabella 02:22
3.Deck the Halls 02:49
4.Holy Night 01:39
5.Silent Night 02:44
6.Jingle Bells 02:17



Oh yes, DETAILS!  Where does one even begin?  You pretty much start with your MIDI composition, which you play on a keyboard, and quantize to taste.  Sometimes, just for shits and giggles, I'll use a dumb and boring synth patch just to get the part sequenced, and THEN I'll work on the timbre/sound.  From there, it's just being tasteful with your synth patches (which are all semi-programmed from scratch for the specific part), along with some half-decent mixing.  Just the standard compressors and EQ's in that dept., along with some spectral enhancement, reverb, and other stuff used sparingly.  They say arrangement is everything, and you really do have to be mindful of your parts, instrumentation and structure.  In this regard, you also have to choose or design some nice hits/crashes/swells for your transitions.  Drum Parts are relatively easy for the house, trance, or disco parts, while the "dubstep" is just some triplet grooves, for the most part.  The 3/4 timing in "Carol of the Bells" was no sweat either, but maybe it's kind of drum n' bass sounding?     "Bring a Torch Janette Isabella" is also 3/4, but has a more traditional disco feel.  Had to try and keep that one "K-Pop" sounding!  And I'm not Korean!  Obviously, any loop samples you're using at this point (drums only) are going to be chopped up, cropped, and re-arranged.   Most of my drums are sequenced like everything else, though.  Maybe I'll bullet point some more interesting things:

• My MIDI "controller" is a Roland Fantom - I also use it to sequence stuff when my computer is busy playing netflix.
• The reggae guitar on the intro of "Holy Night" is real, and was performed by the esteemed yet deposed Prince I&I ASIanman of Jah-Rastafari.  The Prince is currently in contact with C2C for an upcoming guest spot.
• I use Massive (the vst soft synth) for a bunch of parts, but a host of other vst synths are used too.
• "Carol of the Bells" contains a sample of a human scream, to signify the true horror of the holiday season.
• It was all done in "in the box" using REAPER.  Pro-Tools was not involved
• If you want to see a complete gear list, check out my studio webstie at www.MusicStudio13.com

With that said, you should probably ignore everything I just said and check out the music straight away.  Unlike my rambling and near-meaningless technical details, the actual music is kind of rad.

2ndEdit:  All jokes aside, that man is a mean and scary piper.  If the drums were peasant we truly would have been home by Christmas about a hunnert yarns/threads ago plus or minus a few days/weeks/months.  I fear the day that I see that one on the field of Mars.  Either as a general or a mano y mona(sp) whiner take all fought...  I salute that GRATE SCOT, awesome pipes, love the pipes can't stand the artillery barrage of music at this time of year and he made my musical point most eloquently and brutally no further effort required on my part. 

mmm...

Make munhgry!>?:

mneinteepoitfiven!

MmmBot,


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kW54BJsCgE

-or-


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHozn0YXAeE

Either option is offal...